What’s your love language? What fills your cup and makes you feel loved? Coaches Carol, Laura, and Kelye explore the five love languages and how to use them personally and professionally in this ninth podcast episode. Play in your browser with the media player below or click “WWR Coaches Discuss Love Languages”.
If you know me, you know I’m all about sharing tools that support personal growth. It was about two years ago when I tried something new for the first time. I was skeptical about it, yet open to the possibilities of what it could bring me.
How would you like to …
What if I told you I know of an evidenced-based practice that is safe, effective, and approved of by the American Psychological Association that is on the leading edge of self-help today?
Would you be open to hearing about it? How about trying it?
There are several studies out there to prove efficacy. I however, like to experience things first hand and decide for myself if the effects produce positive results. I was amazed at the immediate relief this brought me.
I’m talking about EFT, which stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques or tapping, also referred to as Psychological Acupressure. It is an energetic healing tool within the field of Energy Psychology that is gaining the attention of healing professionals all over the world, from scientists to spiritual leaders and everyone in between, including lay people like you and me.
Its popularity is attributed to the fact that it combines Ancient Chinese Acupressure, Modern Psychology and Neuroscience to create a powerful self-help tool to alleviate both mental and physical stressors and remove blockages in the energy system.
The brains master of the stress center, the amygdala, along with the memory centers hippocampus, both play a role in the decision making process of whether or not something is a threat, thus initiating the fight, flight or freeze response. EFT helps interrupt that firing alleviating undue stress.
Gary Craig founded EFT in 1990. He discovered lightly tapping the meridian points of the body in a particular sequence, as you focus on a feeling, sensation or thought resolved a whole host of issues from physical pain to emotional distress in a matter of minutes.
Best yet, it’s free, portable, and simple to learn.
Over 10 million people currently use EFT worldwide. It is an extremely useful tool to clear out limiting beliefs, restrictive behaviors, and do away with those “stinking thinking” negative thoughts, aka the gremlin.
So why should YOU choose EFT?
EFT can calm, relax, relieve and restore your harmony as well as renew flow back to your disrupted energy system. EFT can help transform your negative emotions and beliefs, rewire your neural connections and improve your immune system functioning. All these things will enhance the heart, mind, body, and spirit, which is so vital to overall wholeness, wellness and your Wholistic Woman Health.
If I have piqued your interested and you would like to learn more, here are a few reference links to give it a try.
Congratulations! You’ve just completed your first Tapping sequence. What did you think? Let me know your thoughts.
Today’s author: Kat Middleton is a professional certified coach and the founder and CEO of Wholehearted Concepts, LLC. Kat is a Professional Energy Empowerment and Self-Acceptance Coach who specializes in helping clients personally and professionally that struggle with inner doubt, perfectionism and being way too hard on themselves. She is available for private one-on-one coaching as well as group workshops, seminars, and speaking events. Learn more about her at her website: www.wholeheartedconcepts.com
What does it feel like to be loved?
Take a moment and think about a time when someone special (maybe a family member, friend or significant other) did something…or said something… that filled your love tank to the brim.
Was it…a hug, a thoughtful gift, an act of service, quality time spent together, or spoken words that filled you up?
When we combine the two words ‘be loved’ it turns into beloved. Does anything change for you as you put the two together?
It does for me. My One Word this year happens to be Beloved. As I have reflected on this word for many months now I’ve noticed two dimensions to it.
The first dimension in inward; it’s about being loved; learning to receive love and to be treasured by another. This year I’ve noticed the many ways that others show, or tell, me how much I mean to them. With this awareness I’m letting more love in and have sometimes found myself overwhelmed and speechless by the expression of genuine caring that others have conveyed to me.
It encourages me that even at the advanced age of 59 I have learned so much about love. Over the past 8 years I have fallen in love, nurtured that love through highs and lows, and moved into a committed relationship with my recent marriage to my longtime sweetheart, Greg. I have learned that you’re never too old to fall in love. I’ve also learned that committed loving relationships take work. Falling in love may be easy but staying in love takes intentional effort. Having tools like our strengths, values, and love languages equips us to understand one another better. I have learned what it means to be treasured by a very special man. That lesson about being his beloved continues each day.
The second dimension is outward; it’s noticing who is beloved to me and how I show the depth of that emotion. I’ve always been a caring person who easily expresses love to others, however, I’ve learned even more lessons about the nature of love this past year. A beloved brother-in-law received a dire health diagnosis last fall. This shocked him and set him, and all who love him, on edge. Suddenly we no longer had a seemingly endless supply of days to spend together stretching over many years ahead. An unclear timeline was placed on us as doctors attempted to set new expectations based upon their knowledge of his illness. Reordering of priorities occurred immediately. Suddenly each day, each moment together had a heightened sense of love. We treasure each laugh, each smile and hug. We know our time is limited and so we make sure that we express love more frequently and clearly. Anticipated loss has opened a walkway to what really matters in life.
Why does it take a frightening diagnosis for us to show someone we love them? What is it about limited time that makes us suddenly appreciate the people we hold dear? Why don’t we do it every day?
Perhaps like you, I’m fortunate to have many people in my life that I love and who love me in return. I don’t want to waste a single day, missing opportunities to show that love…and to show it in ways that they ‘get it’.
The question then becomes, how do we know the most impactful way to give love to those who are important to us…so that it’s well received?
Like many, I tend to assume that others experience love the same way that I do. Because of that tendency, I show love and appreciation in the ways that make the most sense to me. Sometimes my caring expressions fall short, though, and are misinterpreted because the other person speaks a different language.
Dr. Gary Chapman, in his popular books writes of five love languages (also known as appreciation languages in the work place). The premise is straightforward. We each have a love, or appreciation, tank inside of us that needs to be refilled as we give to others. When the tank gets too low we may feel grouchy, needy, and perhaps even desperate for refueling. Just as we need to refill our car’s gas tank to keep it going, we need to know when our love tank is low and in need of refilling.
So, what fills you up? Dr. Chapman, in his many years as a counselor, has identified these primary love, or appreciation, languages:
Apparently, I am not alone in the tendency to express love and appreciation in my own language, which frequently differs from the language of my loved ones. Miscommunication and confusion can occur when the other person doesn’t respond to my expression of appreciation the way that I thought s/he would. It can leave me wondering what’s wrong. I now recognize that I need to speak another language; their appreciation language instead of my own.
You may have heard it said that love is a choice. Sometimes the choice to love is easy and at other times it can be challenging. Using someone’s love/appreciation language is a choice as well. It helps us to be more effective in our relationships.
Common wisdom tells us that humans have an inner drive to be loved and accepted; to belong. It has been said that we’re all searching for love. Gaining a deeper understanding of our personal need for love and appreciation puts us in the driver’s seat to be more intentional about getting those needs met. I believe that knowing what makes you feel loved is a very important element of self-awareness.
In my leadership coaching practice, I focus on developing the strengths of my clients. Research shows that when a person is able to use their natural talents in their work and personal life they are more fulfilled, positive, motivated, and engaged in their life. The same is true when we honor our core values. Lives based on our unique values and strengths evoke a deep satisfaction within us.
I believe our love language has a similar ability to create deep fulfillment. When we learn what makes us feel loved, we more quickly recognize and welcome it. Such knowledge helps us ask for what we need – which increases the likelihood that we will get what we need.
In addition, knowing the love language of the people near and dear to us is like having a set of keys. We know what unlocks the door to their hearts and that allows us to show our love to them in the most impactful ways possible.
Ancient wisdom tells us that love is life’s most precious gift. It is the most important emotion we will experience in our time on earth. Learning how to do it well is a worthy endeavor; whether that’s with a romantic partner, a family member, or a friend. Wholistically, it includes learning to love and accept ourselves, and the God of our understanding, as well as others.
Taking time to show appreciation to those close to me may seem obvious yet I’ve found that I can drift into taking those relationships for granted. I don’t want to do that.
Beyond those people closest to my heart there is a larger circle where I also want to show appreciation. I can use my strengths, values, and knowledge of love languages to express my caring to co-workers, community members, and even strangers that I meet in my daily life.
The choice to show love…appreciation…and caring to another is the most important business that I’m in.
In closing, who do you want to show love to today…and how will you do it?
Feel free to comment or email me with your observations and successes!
An Invitation: As Jack Nicholson said to Diane Keaton in the popular movie, Something’s Gotta Give, “You are a woman to love!” If you want to learn more about applying the five languages of love and appreciation, please join me for an interactive Be Loved Evening Retreat on Aug 29 from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and registration.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is a strengths-based executive coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected]
Read more by Carol deLaski: Finding Love Again
References:
Traveling with friends and family is one of my favorite things to do! This summer has already been filled with a lot of travel and creating wonderful memories.
When I was in Ireland last month, I was overjoyed with the food options. Every meal consisted of fresh meats, fruits and veggies. There was fresh fish, farmers market goodies and so many options for those with food sensitivities. We walked a lot and I felt very healthy being there.
I know that’s not always the case, but there are many ways to modify or make healthy adjustments when traveling. Below are some of my top tips that I always incorporate when traveling and also share with my clients.
With the different places I’ve traveled to so far this summer, sleep has been a challenge at times with different time changes. Due to that and the health benefits, I’ve made it a point to get tons of rest when I can. Depending on where you are traveling, things can be stressful. Running around the airport, long drive times and lack of sleep can all take a toll on the body. Make sure you get enough rest, especially around the days you will be traveling. I recommend shutting down electronics an hour before you plan to sleep. Breathing exercises can be beneficial too! For me, I find reading to be helpful. Find what works for you but make sure you make sleep a priority.
When I am on vacation or away on a trip, I like to move! This includes walking a lot and traveling with portable exercise equipment like bands. You can also rent bikes, paddle boards (when on the water) and other outdoor equipment. When flying or driving long distances, take time for stretching. Whether it’s on the plane or at a gas station when stopping. Many places have daily passes at the gym or equipment in the hotel. Again, find what works for you but make sure you incorporate movement and stretching.
Hydration is very important! Especially when traveling. I usually carry an empty water bottle with me on the plane or bring water when traveling by vehicle. Staying hydrated is very important. Not only does it hydrate the body, but it helps with cooling the body down and detoxification.
Nutrition is usually something that I have down when it comes to travel. Over the years, I have learned what works for me, my own bio-individuality and my lifestyle. That’s not to say that I never indulge or enjoy things. Especially when traveling to new places or trying new things, but I usually “keep it clean” because I feel better and have more energy when I eat well.
While vacationing or traveling, be mindful of things like alcohol, caffeine, sugar and processed foods. Traveling with a cooler and loading up at the farmers markets are great tips when traveling by vehicle. Preparing meals where you are staying helps to save money and provides healthier options. When eating out, opt for a clean, lean protein source and lots of veggies. Most restaurants are accommodating to substitutions and mindful of dietary restrictions. Many meals have large portion sizes, so I like to take leftovers home for another meal. You can always add some extra veggies from the market. Stocking up on fresh produce provides for snacking options too.
When traveling by plane, you are able to take snacks. For more information, here is a link to the TSA site. TSA – What you can take on a plane
I love trying new restaurants and tasting new foods and dishes. Before visiting a restaurant that I’ve never been to before, I always look up the restaurant and menu. Most restaurants provide this online resource. I like to try places that have a variety of menu options. When it comes to food, I always keep it simple. Don’t overcomplicate things!
Stick to the 80/20 or 90/10 rule. I am pretty good about sticking to clean eating, but if I want to try a new kind of wine or enjoy some cheese, I do so. I know that some foods may deliver different symptoms hours or days later, but I am mindful of these things. Instead of making excuses, I go right back to my clean eating and drink a lot of water.
Whether you’re vacationing with friends, family or on a business trip, pick activities and adventures that you enjoy. If time allows, check out something new that you have never done before. Being out of town provides a great opportunity to experience new things.
As mentioned, traveling provides a great opportunity to try new things and experience different cultures. If you decide that you want to try an exciting new food or beverage, don’t carry guilt afterwards. The same goes if you decide to lounge on the beach all day. Vacations are a time to relax, enjoy and experience. Balance is key!
When packing, consider a healthy travel bag. Check the TSA website and see if your items meet regulations. You can pack healthy snacks, breakfast options, water and clean products. Opt for chemical free products, especially when it comes to sunscreen.
Depending on your lifestyle, don’t forget to pack your supplements if you take them. Probiotics are especially beneficial when it comes to gut and overall health. If I know I am going to be indulging in some extra goodies, I bump up my water intake and probiotics. A lot of airports sell kombucha and many markets sell fermented foods.
When traveling, make sure to pack comfortable and ventilated clothing. Especially if you will be on a plane or in a car for many hours. Taking comfortable or workout clothes will provide additional comfort and support when you’re on the move or working out.
I hope you found some of these tips to be helpful. Do you have any tips of your own that you have found work? I welcome you to comment below.
Wishing you safe and happy travels!
Today’s author: Kim Wilson is a Certified Holistic Health Coach (CHC) and owns her own business, Kim Wilson, LLC, which specializes in empowering and educating women to get to the root of what’s going on with their own unique, individual body. She works with women one-on-one and coaches through online groups and programs. Learn more about Kim at her website www.kimwilson.me, from her Facebook page, or find her on Instagram.
How painting and creativity can help with a child’s development.
My son Pieter and my daughter Fiona both had the privilege of growing up in Germany and attending German schools until they were 14 and 12 and we relocated to the US. It was a bit of a culture shock, more for Fiona than for Pieter, but she survived too. Change can be a challenge.
I’m glad that they grew up in Germany. The Germans love their traditions, and have a rich culture of all things arts and crafts, often linked to the holidays. And they have quite a few of those, between 9 and 13 public holidays, depending on which part of the country you live in.
Creativity has to be stimulated and nurtured. German crafting stimulates creativity and creates a cultural experience for kids of all ages with benefits for the rest of their lives. Many old German traditions still thrive today, lovingly preserved by artisanal craftsmen and small producers, and passed on from generation to generation. Traditions like these often blur the distinction between art and craft. As you watch traditional craftsmen at work, you’ll be amazed at how modern old skills can be. Germans also have an appreciation for natural materials, which is another thing I love.
“Basteln” (making, handcrafting, tinkering) is a national pastime with deep roots in history. It encompasses creative crafting in all its aspects. Around the holidays there are specific art projects in schools, at home with friends, family, and in the community at large. Creativity is a big part of growing up and has many benefits, from stimulating the imagination to making fond memories, and bonding with family and friends. The Germans never let an opportunity to be creative pass by.
So Pieter and Fiona grew up with creativity all around and it’s safe to say that they are still benefiting from it today in their work and private lives. They are both hardworking, successful adults enjoying life to the fullest, good decision makers, open minded, and innovative. Pieter a chemical engineer, now 32, holds a management position at a chemical company, and has a patent to his name (creativity at work). He still bakes and decorates yummy butter cookies for Advent and is totally comfortable with his creative side. A few years back, his wife Heidi invited her girlfriends over for a breast cancer fundraiser carving and decorating pumpkins with pink ribbons and lace. She was surprised to find Pieter sitting at the table happily joining in. Fiona, 30 years old now, is a dentist, just bought her own practice in Baltimore, married to Hilton, an artist (!), and uses creativity in her work as well as at home. She’s an avid knitter, makes macramé plant hangers, and loves to cook and decorate.
So what are the main benefits of let’s say painting for the development of (young) children? Painting allows children to express their creativity freely while having fun doing it. It develops eye-hand communication by strengthening the hand and fingers, helping with fine motor skills. Using the hand muscles allows them to develop both mentally and physically. They learn to think with an open mind, to look at situations creatively. They learn to express themselves more deeply, visually and verbally, as words often lack to describe feelings accurately. They learn to make their own decisions about what works and what doesn’t, developing critical thinking skills. They learn that it’s fun to paint with other children, bonding with their parents, esteem building and stress relieving. It also gives children a life-long appreciation of art.
It helps with brain development. The right side of the brain is mainly used for emotional and creative responses, while the left side focuses on analytical processes and logic. Learning to paint benefits children by using both sides of their brain. Painting helps to make the connection between both sides, which is how we reach our full potential.
Of all the German traditions, St. Martin’s Day on November 11 is by far my favorite. It’s a religious observance that’s particularly popular with children. It’s dedicated to St. Martin of Tours and celebrates modesty and altruism, both values commonly associated with Saints.
On the evening of St. Martin’s Day, there are lantern processions in towns and cities all over Germany. The creative part is that all elementary school age kids make lanterns in school. The teacher comes up with a design for the students to build in class. There is also a prize for the class with the most beautiful lantern. It takes students weeks to build them. You can imagine a 6-year-old making an intricate lantern out of black and colored transparent paper or wire and glue. It takes patience and resolve. They’re all so proud of their work of art. Sad to say that some of them will go up in flames during the procession. The smart parents have a spare store-bought one in their bag in case that calamity happens.
If you get the chance to paint with children, do it, and observe how free and full of joy they are. You will learn how freeing it is not taking yourself so seriously. In the summer, paint outside and let them be messy. That’s the best part. Let the little ones teach you how to paint, not the other way around. You will be in for a surprise.
Happy Painting!
Today’s author: Elisabeth Vismans, CPCC: Elisabeth is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach since 2011. an Award-Winning Artist, and an Art Instructor, has developed a unique coaching program where paint is used as a vehicle to live up to your fullest potential. Ask Elisabeth about her Intuitive Painting/Coaching programs and her “Awareness through Art” groups and retreats stimulating creativity and authenticity. Learn to be in the moment! There is more information on her website: www.elisabethvismans.com and can be reached at [email protected]
I’ve never considered myself to be an adventurous person. I never liked trying new foods, I’m afraid of heights, and pollen allergies always make it difficult to venture outside spring through autumn.
But in thinking about what I would write for my blog this week, I considered the following question:
What does adventure mean to me?
And that opened some interesting avenues. My idea of adventure doesn’t have to be the same definition someone else would give. I’m also certain that I’ve done things other people would consider highly adventurous. So what does adventure mean to me?
I’ve been a horseback rider for many years. I remember begging my mother for riding lessons when I was 9 (though in truth, I didn’t have to try that hard, as she was also a rider when young), and I gleefully began riding after that Christmas present came through. Riding is in my blood. It’s an inextricable part of me, and when I am not actively involved with horses, life is much less fun. Working in harmony with a thousand-pound creature to create a partnership in the arena is like nothing else.
As a kid, I dreamed of being a three-day eventer. This discipline involves show jumping, dressage, and cross-country jumping. Jumping never scared me, even though it’s one of the many ways riders fall off and hurt themselves, sometimes resulting in serious injuries. And I have definitely fallen off and hurt myself while riding! But I’ve always felt that jumping was like flying—that weightless feeling as my horse and I are going over jumps in sync with each other is like nothing else.
Non-riders, and even a few fellow riders, have told me they think jumping is crazy and dangerous, and they would never do it. So while jumping feels natural and fun to me, and feeds my soul with adventure, others consider it too much of a risk.
What activities do you find frightening or intimidating? Why?
How can you overcome those feelings to give them a try?
Adventure doesn’t have to be purely physical, either. I took a huge risk and a big leap of faith when I began working for myself four years ago. To briefly recap my business adventures: I had been laid off from my previous job and while job searching, was working part-time at a stable. I suffered a severe concussion from a double hit to the head in a freak accident at the barn and was unable to work for a while. I looked at my skills and what I thought was marketable and decided to start freelancing as an editor and marketer.
Four years later, I’ve built a successful social media marketing business. It turned out far better than I ever could have planned, and it certainly wasn’t on my life to-do list. I could have continued trying to find a job the traditional way or stayed with my previous employer when they called me back almost a year later and offered me a job. But I decided to continue working for myself. That particular adventure isn’t for everyone, and is loaded with risk, stress, and sometimes, failure. But the rewards I’ve gained have been invaluable, and I now can’t imagine going back to working for someone else. I don’t know exactly where my business will lead me, but I can now say I’m up for the adventure.
When have you taken a leap of faith?
What intangibles do you consider adventurous?
If you’re ready for a new adventure, join Wholistic Woman Retreats for the Be Adventurous Scavenger Hunt on July 25, 2018! Come with your own team or make new friends at the event. Teams will follow clues based on the four Wholistic areas of mind, body, heart, and spirit. Come laugh, explore, and play with us! You’ll learn something new about yourself and others while connecting with this growing community of women. Learn more and register here.
Today’s blog is written by one of our alliance partners, Kira Tregoning. Kira is the owner and founder of Maia Media Management, a local marketing business. She offers social media management, consultations, and trainings, as well as video services, proofreading, and editing. Kira is also a published author with two fantasy novels available on Amazon and more on the way. Learn more about her at www.maiasocial.com