Changes Coming – Gratitude, Growth, & Celebration

Changes Coming – Gratitude, Growth, & Celebration

by | Oct 13, 2021 | Change, Gratitude

It is with openly mixed emotions that I write this heartfelt message to our Wholistic Woman community about a change coming soon. After a great deal of prayerful contemplation, I have made the difficult decision to retire from WWRA at the end of 2021. As you can imagine, this decision is one that I have approached wholistically – checking in with my heart, mind, body, and spirit over the past few years.

One of the many, many, emotions that I’m feeling is peace. God has been gently, persistently, calling me to new endeavors, which are undeniable but not fully revealed yet. During the housebound hours of the pandemic, I spent more time with God, quietly praying for clarity and direction. In the stillness, without the busyness of my pre-pandemic life, I was able to listen more intently to His call within my heart. 

To be honest, I resisted the nudge that kept coming to step away from WWRA. I was fearful of the ripple effect it would have on others and myself. I mentally wrestled, argued, and at times ignored the nudge for as long as possible. Eventually, I took some baby steps in that direction and then re-evaluated to see if that was enough change. But it was not. It became clear that a big step is what I’m called to make. So, in a leap of faith, with courage, I am blessing and releasing my leadership of this wonderful organization. I’m curious to see what God has in store for me next and I am ready to grow in new directions.

That brings me to the other emotions that I am feeling.

I feel deep, abiding, gratitude as I reflect on the past 11 years. As a community, we have learned, laughed, grown, and supported each other through good times and bad. Whether you’ve been walking with me from the very beginning, have just recently started attending our retreats, or somewhere in between, I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

My dream to launch Wholistic Woman Retreats began with a similar unrelenting calling that God placed within my heart. I have learned to listen to such persistent messages and to trust that there is a beautiful purpose within them. 

As the retreat dream kept surfacing within me, I casually started telling it to others. Women were excited by the idea of holistic retreats that would focus on developing the whole person – heart, mind, body, and spirit. Being a wordsmith, I playfully put a ‘W’ in front of holistic as a visual reminder of my intention to focus on wholeness. To me, becoming whole is a lifelong endeavor. A continual, personal, and richly rewarding journey to deeply know oneself. It inspires us to embrace our unique talents, to be fully ourselves while acknowledging that we will always be a work-in-progress.

As I shared my dream, women were excited. Some told me they wanted to attend the retreats I would be offering. Others said, “I want to help make it happen!” And that’s how this collaborative organization began, with women who co-created the retreats with me, and women who attended, learned, and grew from them with us. 

Eleven years later, I gratefully look back and think about the many gifted coaches who offered their expertise to our community. I bow to your talents. I’ve learned so much from each of you.

I think of the talented alliance partners who offered their skills in marketing, event management, finances, and web management to help us fly. I deeply appreciate your gifts and contributions to the WWRA vision. 

I think of the wonderful sponsors over the years who gave the gift of financial support to our endeavors. We couldn’t have made such a positive impact without your help.

I think of those who generously contributed to our scholarship fund which helped those in need of financial assistance attend our retreats. You have left a meaningful legacy in the lives of those women.

I think of the beloved coaches who co-founded this organization. You grabbed hold of the dream, walked with me (some for a leg and some for the entire journey) to make it become a reality. You have each been a precious gift to me, and to the community of WWRA.

 Most of all, I think of the many, many women who attended our retreats. From our launch in 2010, on the first day of spring at ThorpeWood, to our most recent destination retreat in Sedona, AZ, each one has been uniquely special.  

My heart is full of gratitude for all of you, each season of growth we’ve been through together, and for the richness of community and sisterhood that we’ve experienced. You have been a blessing!

And…I believe that God is not done with us yet! WWRA will continue under the expert and talented leadership of my co-founder Kelye Rouse Brown. Kelye has been with me since the very beginning and knows the rich history of our organization. I trust that Kelye will build upon it and steer it in new and exciting directions. Quite frankly, I can’t wait to see what lies ahead for Kelye, her team, and WWRA! I look forward to remaining in an advisory Founder role and be the wind beneath the wings of those who take it forward from here.

As for me, I will continue my private coaching practice, launch my Lost and Found Podcast, and keep listening to the nudges that God places within my heart.

The last emotion I feel is excitement so let’s celebrate these changes together! Understandably, this year our annual Gratitude Circle and Brunch will be especially meaningful. For those who are comfortable meeting in person, please join us at ThorpeWood on Nov 14th from 12:30-3:30 pm. We will follow the current CDC guidelines to ensure everyone’s safety. For those who prefer a virtual get-together, we will host a Zoom call on Nov 17 from 6-7:30 pm to celebrate, bless, and release what is, as we open ourselves to receive what lies ahead.

With a heart full of grace and love,

Carol 

Presence – What is it and How do I get it?

Presence – What is it and How do I get it?

by | Jun 21, 2021 | Academy Programs, Personal Development

May I ask, where is your mind right now?

Are you focused on the words you’re reading or has your mind wandered somewhere else? If it has, don’t worry, you’re not alone.

Psychologists Matthew Killingsworth and Daniel Gilbert studied five thousand people and learned that about 50 percent of our time is spent thinking about something other than what we are doing. That means that only about half our time is spent in the present moment!

In addition, they found that 80 percent of the time we are thinking about something that is actually more stressful than what we are currently doing; which means we are often the originators of the very stress that we are trying to avoid!

Research shows that we are happiest when we are aware of what we are doing – even if what we are doing is unpleasant or boring. We tend to feel calmer when we are present for our activities rather than thinking about something else. Interestingly, our mental and physical well-being is improved when we are present regardless of whether our activity is exciting, boring, enjoyable, or unpleasant.

Why is that? Because when our mind wanders, we tend to go backward or forwards. We can easily play re-runs in our mind to process and perhaps even get stuck in ruminating over the past. Or we can fast forward trying to prepare for the future by pre-thinking, worrying, and even catastrophizing about what’s to come. You may notice that your mind wants to either race ahead to predict and prepare or look backward to process and integrate what already happened. Whether racing ahead or gazing behind…our minds seem to prefer anything other than the present!

Presence is defined as “being with another” or “in the immediate vicinity or proximity.” We know that the opposite of presence is absence. The curious thing about presence is that even though you could be physically present with someone right now, your mind could be somewhere else. This is not new information, yet our digital devices have radically increased the ability of our minds and bodies to be in different places at the same time.

Ideally, presence is a state of “receptive awareness” which helps us pay attention to what’s happening right now. It means being able to choose where and how we will intentionally focus our attention.

Being present and maintaining a sense of presence sounds like it should be easy, but it is challenging for many of us. We are easily distracted.

How do we achieve a ‘be here now’ lifestyle? What skills support us in being mindful and present? There are formal mindfulness practices to help us such as yoga, meditation, tai chi, qigong. And there are informal practices such as feeling the sun on your face, being fully engaged in a conversation with a child, pausing to enjoy the sunset, or a bird in flight. If it seems hard to you, start small. I recommend that you begin with your senses. Our bodies are the perfect tool to ground ourselves in the present moment. Pause to notice what you see, smell, taste, feel, and hear. Check in with your emotions to linger and savor them a moment longer than you usually do. Is that joy you’re feeling? Savor it. Are tears in your eyes? Treasure them. They connect to your heart. Notice what your body is telling you and let it guide you to the present moment.

There is good news; we can train our brains to be more present, and science proves it.

Since the 1970’s there has been a growing recognition of the benefits of mindfulness, which is another word for focused attention or presence. Findings show that mindfulness practices have an impact on the structure and function of the brain through what is known as neuroplasticity. Neuro refers to our neurons and plasticity describes the brain’s malleability in response to experience. It means our adult brains can be transformed by experiences. This is big news because prior to this information it was believed that our brains didn’t change after puberty. This is encouraging news for those of us who want to experience more presence.

The more we can inhabit a mental state of presence, the more likely it will become a familiar baseline. Then when we are under stress, we will more easily tap into that familiar capability. With intention…and attention…we can cultivate the ability to more readily connect to the people we are with, the activities that we do, and even to our own inner landscape.

Personally, the more I practice presence the more peaceful I feel. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine, rainbows, and unicorns all the time but I can tap into a peacefulness even when stressful things are happening around me. I discover a sense of calmness when I focus on my breath and notice something to be grateful for at that moment.

I find that practicing presence leads me to an inner spiritual place. When I pause to notice my surroundings, attend to what I’m hearing, or really see what is before me, I’m often filled with gratitude. Appreciation seems to naturally flow from being present. Mindfulness leads me to feel God’s Presence and I can find my Self reflected in that mirror. I feel one with the Divine when I take time to slow down and be present for the experiences I am having.

When I more fully inhabit the body I’m in, feel the emotions I’m experiencing, and the breath I’m breathing, I am in the moment. Such connectedness with my inner and outer landscape draws me closer to the God of my understanding. Faith grows as I intentionally develop this muscle of connection and love.

I’m curious to know how you experience presence. How does it connect your heart, mind, body, and spirit? What does spiritual presence mean to you?

The next Wholistic Woman Retreat and Academy program on June 30th will discuss this topic. Be sure to check the details here and register.

References: M.A. Killingsworth and D.T. Gilbert, “ A Wandering Mind Is an Unhappy Mind,” Science 330, no 6006 (2010):932 The Gift of Presence, A Mindfulness Guide for Women by Caroline Welch

7 Reasons Your Professional Development Starts with You

7 Reasons Your Professional Development Starts with You

by | May 20, 2021 | Professional Development

As life goes on, we typically encounter a variety of challenges, changing environments, and new roles that require us to adapt. Our ability to manage change is important and necessary for our personal and professional success, and professional development may be something that can help you reach those goals. It helps us to avoid stagnating or getting stuck in a rut both personally and professionally. To keep from getting in a rut or to get out of one, you may be wondering how to begin your journey towards professional development – especially if you are juggling full-time work with the care of your family. This may sound overly simple, but the honest truth is that the journey begins with you!

 

Developing Self-Awareness 

 

Professional development is closely tied to self-awareness. Through observation and reflection, we pause to take an honest look at ourselves. In the process, we get to know who we really are: what our core values are, our strengths and talents, where we see room for improvement, and the direction we would like to go. If working with a coach is an option, they will help you create a roadmap and guide you along this important journey of self-discovery. While there is no set way to do this, the roadmap to professional development with a coach may unfold something like this:

 

  • Knowing yourself – Through a process of reflection, meditation, taking assessments, and asking yourself important questions, you can get to know yourself better. You may be surprised by your discoveries of untapped talents, abilities, and strengths. You will also become more familiar with your conditioning, filters, the mental models that you subconsciously follow, as well as the habits that help or impede your growth.

 

  • Knowing your why – Asking yourself why you are here and what your vision is for your life and career can be transformational. These are powerful questions such as: Who are you? What is your purpose? Where are you going? Are you thriving, or merely surviving? Do you feel your work environment recognizes and supports who you really are? 

 

Manifesting Your Intention 

 

Once you know who you are and what your “why” is, the next challenge is to know how to manifest this intention,  your vision. Many of us may know and feel where we would like to be in our life and work, but we don’t know how to make this happen. It begins with these steps:

 

  • Setting your intention –  Having a very clear intention is essential. Without it, we often flounder, not knowing and the actions and goals needed to manifest our desires. An intention could be, for example, to start your own wellness business and work for yourself while also helping others.

 

  • Creating realistic goals – Now that you have a clear intention you can create a series of goals and a timeline for achieving them. 
    • What small steps do you need to take to manifest your vision? 
    • Do you need to obtain more skills? 
    • Do you need to invest in a training or certification program, so you have the qualifications you need? If so, creating a task list – which might contain small actions such as looking into licensing or certification programs – could be your first step towards activating your intention.

 

  • Achieving your goals – While it is up to us to take action and do the work needed to achieve our goals, having an accountability partner such as a coach, supportive friend or colleague would be very helpful at this juncture. An accountability partner will help you mark your progress, encourage you if you lose steam, and help you regroup if you get off track or lose sight of your intention. 

 

  • Celebrating your milestones– Achieving even one small goal along the way is something to be acknowledged and celebrated. Reflective journaling and noting important milestones in a calendar will give you the positive perspective you need to forge your way forward. A supportive group that can celebrate with you is even better! In the words of Vicky Saunders, Founder, SheEO “Who you are surrounded by often determines who you become.”

 

Becoming Who You Are 

There is nothing more fulfilling than becoming who you are designed to be; who you came here to be both personally and professionally! While life and work are bound to throw problems at us, with plenty of twists and turns in our journeys, knowing who we are, anchors us to a deeper and more meaningful reality. By overcoming challenges, we become stronger and even more deeply committed to our unique vision.

 

We hope these points will inspire you to begin the journey of knowing yourself and knowing your “why” in life. We encourage you to manifest your intentions through greater self-awareness, professional development, and continued growth.

Our Wholistic Woman Story

Our Wholistic Woman Story

by | Oct 22, 2020 | Carol deLaski

Wholistic Woman Retreats Celebrates 10 Years of:

  • Wholistic growth – heart, mind, body, and spirit
  • Teamwork
  • Loving and learning together
  • Laughter and joy
  • Overcoming fears and a few tears
  • Encouragement and Celebration
  • Wholeness

My heart is warmed as I look back over the last 10 years of women’s retreats that we have created and led. I tend to be a forward thinker so a recent walk down memory lane, looking at photographs from our past retreats, left quite an impact on me. It stirred similar emotions as those I experience when I look at pictures of my children in their various ages and stages. I exclaimed over how much development has occurred while simultaneously fondly remembering the moments that led to such growth.

It’s good to see how far we’ve come as a community, and as individuals. Since pictures tell the story so well we will be sharing photos and memories over the next 10 weeks. We hope you will enjoy the memories with us as you see the smiles, hugs, and positive energy that flows from the faces of the women who participated in our retreats. Perhaps you will see your own face among them. We encourage you to share your memories of experiences with us over the years.

Our Story – 10 years in the making…

My most important lifelong lesson has been learning how to recognize, trust, and act upon the nudges God sends my way. The creation of Wholistic Woman Retreats has taught me more about listening to the nudges God places on my heart, the seeds He plants in my mind, and the stirring of His call within my spirit.

Our story began with a dream

As so often happens, the dream started well before any action occurred. The seeds of a retreat idea were planted in my heart about 10 years before WWR ever took shape. It began when I joined the Family Life Committee at my church and helped with the coordination of many family retreats at West River Retreat Center on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Many friendships were formed through those retreats, and an especially important one was with a young woman on the committee named Pat. 

Some friends lift you up and help you to be all that you are called to be. Pat has been such a friend for me. When I went to life coaching school, Pat volunteered to be my ‘guinea pig’ and allowed me to practice my coaching skills with her. As I did so, I shared a dream that was stirring in my heart. It was a dream to take what we had done for the church and offer it to women in our area. At that time, I was going through a difficult phase of my life and divorce was on the horizon.  As my hopes for a happy marriage ended, I entered a valley of grief and looked fearfully ahead at the prospect of raising my two young sons as a single mother. I felt lost and alone in this disappointing and confusing time. I responded to an inner nudge and began to reach out to try new things, lift my spirits, and make new friends. I reconnected with yoga, meditated, and explored spiritual practices that expanded my perspective, just to name a few. Feeling isolated, I even started to a side jewelry business in the evenings to get out and socialize with other women. In these years, I often felt overwhelmed and overloaded and realized that many other women felt the same way, whether they were single mothers or not. It seemed to be a universal female experience. My gift of empathy led me to deeply care about the challenges that I saw in the women around me, and which I recognized within myself.   

I wanted to give those struggling women a break. The memory of the rejuvenating benefits of those family retreats resurfaced. I recognize that when we get away from the day-to-day grind we can truly rest, reflect, gain new perspectives, learn skills to manage better, and feel recharged. Once filled we return to our family commitments, jobs, and activities with renewed energy.

My early retreat ideas were of a physical place where women could gather to enjoy coffee, connect with one another, perhaps take a yoga class, or learn new life skills while their children were well-cared for. I envisioned a coffee shop/retreat center that would provide a haven for stressed out young mothers, empty nesters, and women searching for something yet to be defined. I visited various locations and my faithful friend Pat would sit in my car, sometimes in the pouring rain, while we talked about what was possible.

The dream, however, took an important directional change when my cousin asked a significant question one day. He asked, “Do you want to own property or be a coach?” I quickly knew the answer. My gifts are clearly designed for coaching. I’m a teacher, listener, encourager, planner, and cheerleader at heart. I’m grateful for my cousin’s question because it steered me away from the responsibilities of commercial property ownership and directed me towards leading retreats. Little did I know that it would also mean leading a retreat team.

At the core of my dream was the desire to support, encourage, and pamper women like myself, who give a lot to their families, friends, community, and careers. Women who needed a break, and a chance to refill their ever-depleting tanks. My strategic strength kicked in and expanded the vision to include massages, body work options and even shopping. I also wanted to offer learning opportunities where they could discover strategies to improve and more consistently be their best…however they defined it.

As my dream continued to evolve in my mind and heart, I started speaking about it to others besides my friend Pat. I was encouraged when women would say to me, when you have your retreat, I want to come. My heart was touched even more when, occasionally, some women would say, when you do your retreat, I want to help. Those statements were water that sprouted the seeds within me and from which this organization ultimately grew.

The story takes shape

In the fall of 2009 I went for coffee with a new friend, Jeanette Eleff, who was a fellow coach and entrepreneur. She was curious to hear more about my dream of doing retreats and she asked great questions to help me give voice to my vision. In the end, she summarized with, “Carol, I can tell that you’re a mover and a shaker. I want to help you do this retreat.” My response indicated the self-doubt I was feeling, “Really? Do you mean that?” You see, my top strengths lie in relationship-building. I’m better at connecting with people and thoughts than with actually making a dream become a reality. I have found that I need people around me who activate me into action. Without Jeanette’s prompt, I might still be thinking about my vision to this day. Her reply of “Yes, I certainly do mean it” changed my life and, as a consequence, touched many, many other lives.

Jeanette and I met throughout the fall to plan a day retreat for women which would be held the following spring. As we planned, I mentioned that several women had offered their help once the dream was in motion. We agreed to invite those women to a planning meeting. So, on a January day in 2010, I lit a cozy fire, poured cups of hot tea, and sat in a circle with five women who shared the heartfelt call to lead a retreat. Jeanette and I welcomed Kelye, Laura, Sandie and Lisa into our circle and in doing so the Wholistic Coaching Coalition took shape. In three short months we planned and held what would be the first of many wonderful retreats to nurture women’s personal and professional development. 

To be clear, we didn’t plan to start a retreat organization. We simply planned a retreat. We agreed on the core principal that it would be wholistic – and purposefully spelled it with a ‘W’ to remind us of our intention to provide programs focused on the whole women – her body, heart, mind, and spirit.  The first retreat was held in the Catoctin Mountains at a beautiful lodge known as ThorpeWood. We invited practitioners to offer their services, thus providing an element of pampering and education about alternative bodywork – acupuncture, reiki, massage, chiropractic and more rounded out a day of reflection, learning new life skills, good food, laughter, and mutual support. Forty-five women joined us for this day retreat in the woods. For me, it was a dream come true as I walked among them, felt their energy, and saw their glowing faces. It felt amazing to pour into others and to have our offerings received with such appreciation. We were providing a gentle, soaking rain of love onto the thirsty soil of these women’s lives…and in doing so we blessed our own lives.

Some dreams are too big to do alone.

At the closing session of the first retreat, I reflected that I couldn’t have done it without the team of women who showed up and offered their assistance. I still believe that today, 10 years later. Some visions require a team to make them a reality. My dream took flight with Jeanette’s spark of encouragement and the subsequent team that formed. We co-created something that was wonderfully enriching for women. Through this, I’ve learned that I thrive when I am interdependent with others whose talents complement mine. My developer and woo strengths expanded to initiate partnerships with other coaches and business partners. My dream became a shared vision, and we went on to hold many kinds of retreats over the past 10 years. Day retreats, overnight retreats, evening retreats, and most recently a long-desired destination retreat to Sedona, AZ. Each retreat provided a platform for founding and partner coaches to teach their area of expertise and to provide the attendees with new resources, tools, and strategies for personal and professional development.

We believe that each program attracted the women who were meant to be there. Each one attracted the sponsors who felt led to support us, allowing us to offer enhancements that would not have been possible without them. Expanding from our home base of Frederick Md, we have held retreats in Virginia, Pennsylvania, other parts of Maryland, and now Sedona, AZ. Over the years, a wonderful community of women as formed. We refer to them as women-on-the-grow. They are busy women who know how important it is to take time to recharge. Retreats are key to sustaining their well-being and to continuing their lifelong development. Some of these women have stayed with us for a season of their lives, others came for just a single event, and still others have stayed connected to us throughout our ten-year journey. We have welcomed and cared for them all.

Our belief is one of attraction.

We believe that the women who are meant to attend our programs will arrive right on time. Personally, I believe God is nudging and/or calling them to us. I trust that they know within themselves which of our coaches and partners they are meant to connect with and to follow. 

As coaches, we are skillful at meeting each woman where she is and accepting her for how she is. We practice non-judgment with open minds and hearts. We give encouragement and celebrate progress. We believe in life-long learning and personal growth. We teach tips and strategies to expand self-awareness which ultimately leads to more choices. With increased awareness we can decide if we want to continue what we are doing or if we want to make changes, either slight or major shifts. We offer an environment of love and support. Women soak up knowledge and deepen the roots of their own spirit in our midst. Hearts, minds, bodies, and spirits grow stronger and more confident in this rich soil.

This beautiful organization has been a dream come true. 

I celebrate our 10 years of living, loving, and growing together.

I celebrate the original team, and the subsequent team which evolved as some women moved on and others joined us on this journey.

I celebrate the many coaches (both founders and partner coaches) who have contributed their unique voices and expertise to our community.

I celebrate the alliance partners who offered their expertise providing necessary business skills to support the smooth operation of this impactful organization. 

Most of all, I celebrate the women – in all their stages of life – who have attended our programs.

I am profoundly grateful for the growth I have been honored to witness. Thank you for being part of my life lesson as I continue to learn about following God’s nudges and the calling He stirs within my heart. My soul bows to each of yours in gratitude for being on the journey together…then – now – and in the days ahead.

What Makes a Woman Strong and Resilient?

What Makes a Woman Strong and Resilient?

by | Mar 2, 2020 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Self-Care

This is the Year of the Woman when we celebrate the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment giving women the right to vote. At the risk of dating myself I have the Helen Reddy song, ‘I am Woman’ going through my head…

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an’ pretend
’cause I’ve heard it all before
And I’ve been down there on the floor
No one’s ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman…

You can probably tell that these lyrics are referring to more than just physical strength. In addition to sheer stamina, what other attributes contribute to a woman’s overall, wholistic strength? What makes her resilient and capable of bouncing back from adversity? The answers will vary for each of us, but let’s look for commonalities.

What makes women strong and are we truly invincible?

To begin with…let’s think about the word strong and understand what we mean by wholistic strength. These are the qualities that make you the unique woman you are. They show up in the way you think and feel as well as in your physical and spiritual activities.

I wonder if you’re similar to me and can more readily identify the strengths of your friends and colleagues than you can for yourself. It’s easier for me to state what I treasure and appreciate about others, but much harder to ascertain that about myself.

Yet like our unique thumbprints, I believe that we each have our own individual ‘soul-prints’ that comprises our strengths, weaknesses, core values, and beliefs. God gave us each an individual design which we continue to develop through our life experiences, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Over the years, a certain degree of humility has kept me quiet about my natural talents. I’ve learned, though, that I need to identify these strengths and talents in order to gain confidence and to be aware of my blind spots, i.e. the areas that I don’t understand well about myself. If I’m unclear about my talents, how can I effectively manage them? It’s necessary to know what my God-given talents are in order to optimally use them for good. I will never be perfect, but being dedicated to lifelong learning helps me to continually evolve into a better version of myself.

I have been on a journey of greater self-awareness about my strengths for the past 7 years. Each day holds new opportunities for me to learn more about myself and how I manage my talents. I fine-tune how I use my gifts based on feedback that I receive.

Did you ever play the Hot and Cold game as a child? It’s almost like a verbal Hide and Seek. One person is the Seeker and leaves the room while the group quietly identifies an object to be found. When the Seeker returns to the room, she searches for the object based on guidance from the group. The group members, however, may only say ‘hot’ or ‘cold’ when directing the seeker. As the seeker moves farther away from the object the group says “cold, colder, cold”. As she moves closer to the chosen object the group encourages her with “warm, warmer, warm” and shouts “hot” when she touches it. There is delight on both sides when the Seeker finds what she is looking for. This simple childhood game is a great example of the need to give and receive feedback. We can be lost and off-course without it and waste unnecessary time going in the wrong direction. With a little help from our friends, we can more easily find our way.

We each have a role in guiding one another towards success. How? By giving positive feedback to reinforce behaviors that are working well. You do that when you let others know what you appreciate about them. It’s also crucial to let them know when their actions aren’t working well. Without feedback, we don’t know what to change. Effective delivery of feedback is a key leadership competency. You practice it every day whether you’re aware of it or not.

I enjoy teaching that our strengths have a light and a dark side. The light side is when they are working well and getting the results that we want. The dark side is when they are not working well. They are overwhelming others, or us, with too much of a good thing. I like to think of each of my top strengths as having a dial where I can turn them up or down to calibrate the desired impact that I want in different situations. With conscious observation, I can then notice when I need to use more or less of my strengths.

For example, my top strength according to Gallup’s Strength Finder assessment is empathy. That means I tend to lead with my heart, follow my intuition, and sense other’s emotions with ease. Simply put, I care a lot. It serves me well when I am connecting with others. I’ve been told that I’m a good listener and people can sense that I genuinely care. It can overwhelm me, though, when I am bombarded by negativity on the news or when I feel powerless to help improve a hurting person or situation. My empathy can also overwhelm others when I’m being too sensitive and trying to connect on a level that they may not be ready or willing to do so.

Empathy is only one of my strengths and I could tell you much more that I’ve learned about dialing it up and down. That’s another article! I have nine more strengths in my top ten and each one provides a wealth of information for me as a leader, a family member, and a friend. The truth is I will always be learning more about my strengths because each day provides new opportunities and configurations of people, situations, and experiences for learning. Knowing and owning my strengths gives me a powerful tool to better understand and use my unique thumbprint and God-given design for good.

Resilient women know how to use their strengths effectively and apply them wholistically throughout all areas of their life.

Are we invincible? What about weakness?

Unlike the superwoman in the song ‘I am Woman,’ this woman is not invincible.

It’s important to not only understand what makes us strong but also to examine areas of weakness. What do you do when you’re in the dark side of your strengths? One option is to turn it down and turn up a different strength. When my empathy is on overload, I know I need to re-calibrate by dialing up my strategic thinking strengths. My head balances my heart when it’s on overload. What else can we do?

Personally, when I get to the end of my own abilities (which is every day) I lean into my faith. I believe in a God and higher power who is supremely capable. In fact, I believe it is part of the divine design for us to hit our limits so that we will reach out for help. We aren’t meant to be all-powerful and all capable. We are meant to be in relationship with others – to need them – and to be needed. That’s the human balance.

In my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, I share my perspective that relationships are a beautiful kaleidoscope made up of many triangles. I picture each of my relationships as a triangle with God at the top and myself and the other person making up the other two points. As we each grow our relationship with God, the bond between the two of us grows stronger.

I also believe the Good Book which frequently says, “when you are weak, I am strong.” It reminds me of God’s promise to be present and provide His strength when I reach the end of my limits. It encourages me and reminds me that I am never alone. I don’t have to be strong and have it altogether all the time. I am designed to be imperfect and in need of help, both divine and human.

I can be a strong woman…and a weak woman at the same time. I can be good at some things and not good at other things. I can embrace my talents and relax in knowing that I am a work in progress, always learning more about how to effectively use those talents.

With that knowledge, I can sing “I am woman, hear me roar! I am woman watch me soar” into the realm of God’s love and guidance.

Resilient women know their limits and lean on their support team when needed. They are connected and know how to give and receive help.

What is your unique Strengths story?

We each have a story to tell about our individual qualities and how we use them. How have they contributed to your own resilience? What have you learned over the years about the light and dark sides of your strengths? When do your talents work best? When do they overwhelm you? What strategies do you have to address areas of weakness? What do you do when you reach your limit?

I invite you to discuss these questions and explore your strengths and resilience story with me at Discover & Own Your Strengths Evening Retreat on March 25th from 5:30-7:30 pm. I hope to see you there!