by Carol deLaski | Oct 14, 2015 | Change, Guest Blogging
Have you ever wondered how to be more resilient?
Is resilience something that people are born with or something that develops throughout a lifetime?
Many scientists believe the truth lies someplace in-between. For myself, resilience is something I have had for as long as I can remember, even as a child. I was born into a family that required me to be strong, persevere, and to move forward – if I hadn’t, I would not be where I am today.
When I was 21 years old, my life took an unexpected turn when I lost my beloved brother, John, to suicide. John was the one person I always said I could not live without. The thought of anything happening to him would bring me to tears. He was my best friend. John was the most loving, caring, warm, giving, selfless individual I have known. All he ever wanted was to find and give love – to make everyone else happy. I feel lucky to have had him as a brother, if only for 18 years.
It is hard for me to believe it has been nearly 14 years since I lost John. I thought my life would end with his death, but it didn’t. I am still living and he is still with me and guides me. As I look back over these years I see pain and loss…but I also see healing and hope. I know John is proud of me and although I do not “hear” his voice, I see signs showing me what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Signs that guided me to ultimately use the gifts God gave me as a child to make meaning out of John’s life and to help others.
From the time I was little I loved to write. In fact, I wanted to be a writer or a journalist when I grew up. I majored in Technical Writing as an undergraduate at James Madison University and considered getting my Master’s degree in Journalism. Ironically enough, that path wasn’t meant for me and after many career changes, I found myself as a consultant, specializing in training and development. However, I now see that I was given the gift to write in order to share my story… a story I never thought I would be blessed to share. A story of life, love, loss, and resilience.
After John’s death I looked for resources to help me deal with my grief and found few books that spoke to the sibling perspective of suicide loss. I wanted so desperately to be able to relate to someone, to understand what had happened to John. I knew immediately that I had to write a book to help fill the void and to make meaning out of John’s death. I had the outline for it within a year, but it took me ten years to complete it. I decided to self-publish so I could get my story out there as soon as I was ready. My goal has never been to make money – simply to help others. If even one person is helped by John’s story, then I believe his life was not in vain.
To me, this is resilience. Taking a tragedy, or any less-than-ideal circumstance, and making meaning out of it. Finding a purpose, or embracing a different direction – even when life takes you down a path you do not expect. Fortunately, my resilient nature helped me move forward in the face of adversity, however, there were times when I was faced with hurdles that took me down and challenged me to get back up again.
How can you cultivate your resilience?
- Be flexible. Life rarely goes as planned. The more you can embrace the twists and turns it throws at you, the more resilient you will become.
- Be positive. For almost every tragedy in life, there is something to be learned from it. By keeping a positive attitude, you will increase your propensity toward resilience.
- Be kind and gentle with yourself. It is okay to question your purpose, to doubt yourself, and even to give up for a little while, if that’s what you need to do. In the end, ask yourself this – is something bigger than you calling you to a greater cause? If the answer is yes, you won’t be able to walk away from your desires for long.
There is, and always will be, an irreplaceable emptiness where my brother once was. I think about the life he will not fulfill and selfishly, the life I have that he is no longer a part of. I know many survivors of suicide feel this way. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for the life I have and can live – not only for myself, but also for him. This is what keeps me going – what fuels my resilience.
Today’s author: Magdaline DeSousa is the author of The Forgotten Mourners: Sibling Survivors of Suicide, which is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or through Outskirts Press. She lives and works in the DC Metro area. Magdaline can be reached via email at [email protected] or on her Facebook Page: https://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.facebook.com/theforgottenmourners.
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 6, 2015 | Change, Sandie Lynch
5 Steps to help you find peace, joy and the ability to rejoice in whatever you are going through.
When we feel challenged by a situation, a person, and or a hardship, probably the last thing we think about is rejoicing. But what if we were told that for every difficult situation we moved through we would win money, and that the more difficult the situation the more money we would win; up to a million dollars for each challenge we successfully faced and moved through. How would this change how see challenges? I can imagine that knowing this beforehand may make each new challenge more exciting, and may make it be something we look forward to verses an energy drain.
Now, unless this is a game show, it is unlikely money will be our motivating factor to face our difficulties with excitement, but it is possible to see our biggest challenges as opportunities for positively impacting our lives, and that these challenges could actually lead us to more money, greater happiness, exceptional success, everlasting peace and joy.
Many moons ago, I can remember I was extremely discouraged about a challenging time at work, and a dear friend who was being supportive suggested I consider this – when I find myself stuck or experiencing the same difficulty over and over again or maybe even a “season” of struggle, that it may be that “life” is trying to teach me a lesson. She also suggested that until I learn that lesson, I would continue to experience this difficulty over and over and over, until I finally got it. Therefore, I could continue to repeat the process, stay stuck, and feel frustrated or “look for the lesson” and move on. Ever since this conversation, I have kept this in mind, and looked for the lesson “life”, or as I see it, God was wanting me to learn. As I have practiced being the observer over the past 15 years, it is getting easier to embrace peace and find patience as I “look for the lesson” through difficult and challenging times.
Now I find myself joking with my friends, that it time to look for “learn the lesson” so that I can get the heck out of this mess and move one. The truth is, the biggest lesson I’m learning is, as I “look for the lesson,” I’m having more fun and joy laughing at myself throughout the process. I have to admit, not all situations lend themselves to rejoicing, but when much of it is outside of my control, and I find myself trying to gain control or change something I can’t change, I have to laugh and eventually decide that it is best to sit back, look for the lesson, and enjoy the ride…finally…Rejoice in the process! I have come to a place where I have realized, life is too short to agonize through tough times, and because there will be many, I don’t want to live the majority of my life to feeling drained and stressed.
Here are a few tips and beliefs that have helped me find peace, joy and the ability to rejoice in the process, I pray they help you if you are in difficult place right now.
- Embrace that each difficulty or challenge is allowed into our life for a greater good, something we can’t see but trust that it will show up later, like the money concept above. Trust that “life” or God knows what we need and this difficulty is moving us in the direction we need to go. Often we see this in hindsight, but don’t consider this during the dark or difficult days.
- See discomfort as the alarm that tells us something needs to change or “not so good stuff” will show up later, therefore TURN NOW! Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves and expect way too much or be on the insanity cycle; expecting different results, but doing the same thing. Feeling pain, fear, anxiety, humiliation, are strong emotions that are signals to take notice that there is a lesson to learn! Instead of running or trying to control the situation, see it instead as the alert to avoid greater harm in the future, and embrace a new way.
- Give Yourself Grace and don’t expect more than you do. When feeling inadequate to handle the situation, that’s when we are being pulled to forces outside ourselves to ask for help from others and our higher power or God. Evidence show, reaching out to others lowers our stress hormone cortisol and increases our oxytocin, our love hormone to help us to feel calmer during hard times. We are designed for relationship and this is where the best outcomes show up. Think about it, when we help others, it feels great. Trust there are people just waiting to help! Reach out and feel the love! The burden is always lighter when shared.
- Trust in the process and believe there are no mistakes! We are exactly where we need to be to learn the next life lesson. If you are like I was…a little stubborn, the process may be slower than desired. But believe me, we are being pulled, guided, and motivated toward our greater good. Learning is like a foundation, it has to be built before the beautiful house we want to live in can be built. By accepting each challenge as an opportunity for positive growth, we expand our wisdom in what we are here for and wisely move toward living our best life by living in our designed purpose.
- Rejoice in the process! Look for the lesson, the connection, and or the open door that leads toward your best…otherwise, what is the alternative? May you live with more peace, joy, and rejoice through each difficulty, anticipating the good around the corner!!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
Check out ATP Fitness to “Kick-Start” your 2015. Learn, practice, and embrace the strategies that will build Wholistic Wellbeing for life!
Contact Sandie at [email protected] to find out more!
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 10, 2014 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Retreats
“I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the “woman” ……great lyrics by the Proclaimers. At this time I reflect and celebrate the 10 years and thousands of miles I have walked, with others, to be the woman I am today in business. KRB Customized Training Solutions celebrates 10 years this January 2015 and for the last 5 years has included and created a series of seminars called BYOB or Build Your Own Business success with 500 cumulative participants. The business sessions picked up momentum year after year reaching a five year milestone in 2014. They proved to be a great outlet for small business and entrepreneurs to become educated, motivated and to cultivate their individual success. All it really takes is one step that turns into three to make a better you with more success, both personally and professionally.
My 3 lessons and motto are:
- Educate – share and do what builds your skills and knowledge to develop yourself and others
- Motivate – build a strong team and community to support yourself and others to spark action
- Cultivate – grow, have fun, and let the spirit of positivity shine through to build success
These steps have been the foundation of my business success. It all started with my background in hospitality (both hotel and corporate work) which gave me the skills and knowledge to go out on my own and form KRB Customized Training Solutions, a professional HR, training and coaching company. I’m happy to announce that my new business name will be launched in 2015: KRB Business Solutions, LLC.
Five years into my business I recognized I wanted to reach out to the community and offer mini-seminars like I had on a much larger scale when I worked in the corporate world. Prior to starting my own business I traveled 40 weeks a year, and thousands of miles, delivering workshops and opening hotels in North America. It seemed as easy as one, two, three, to start workshops locally for large and small organizations, and entrepreneurs….. and to call them Build Your Own Business (BYOB) success seminars.
Initially, I conducted all of the training sessions myself. In time, however, I decided to invite area professionals to participate in the BYOB series and offer their expertise…which was a great move! Some of the topics I led were:
- Cutting Edge Communication
- Human Resources
- Mentoring and Accountability
- Creating Memorable Customer Care Moments
- Leadership
- Personal Sales
Jane Helm with Moore Wealth was a large contributor to the success of BYOB, adding topics such as ‘How to Play the Money Game’ and ‘More Money Matters’. Other professionals and topics included Using YouTube for Business Growth by Whitney Hahn of Digital Bard and Vitality Visioning by Jeanette Eleff of Focused Vitality, just to name a few.
It was a win-win…sharing what we know and learning from others at the same time, to really grow. The condensed sessions were designed for participants to unwind with fun networking from 5pm-6pm while discussing 10 business savvy tips. The focus was improving your business, and yourself, taking ownership of your success, and having a happy hour.
Many of the professionals that contributed to the success of BYOB were members of the Wholistic Coaching Coalition, a group of local certified coaches that I co-founded with Carol delaski, Laura Hall, Sandie Lynch, Lisa DiSciullo and Jeanette Eleff in 2010. My motto of Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate contributed to the success of the Wholistic Woman Retreats community.
I’m happy to announce that KRB Customized Training Solution’s BYOB program is growing and changing into a new and better version and will be called Be YOU in 2015. KRB and the Wholistic Coaches, who each have their own businesses, are excited to take new steps to bring you the Be YOU series. We are enhancing the program to include a private room, dinner, book topics facilitated by the coaches, longer sessions and a few past BYOB presenters for 2015.
Thank you for 10 years of learning, growing, and supporting one another. Join us as we continue to take steps to build a better you with this supportive community.
Save the date for the launch of the Be You series on Tuesday, January 27th 2015 – 5:30pm-7pm at Jo Jo’s Restaurant, 16 E. Patrick St. Frederick, MD to learn more about these fun and enriching opportunities.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown is an executive coach, conference speaker, HR expert, and seminar leader on employee and management training. Through her company, KRB Customized Training Solutions, she specializes in communications and leadership, career coaching, and result driven solutions for hospitality, healthcare and service oriented clients. You can reach Kelye at [email protected] or visit her website www.krbcustomizedtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 29, 2012 | Health, Laura Hall, Self-Care
Like many of you out there, I am a busy woman with many interests and things I feel passionate about. Before I discovered my little secret, which I’m going to share with you in a minute, there were many a nights that I would go to bed wishing that I had more hours in the day because I wasn’t able to get it all done. Does this sound familiar to you?
So, what’s the secret? I bathe myself in grace each morning…literally.
At Christmas I received a bottle of shower gel called “Amazing Grace”. It’s from a company called Philosophy and these are the words that are printed on the front of the bottle:
Life is a classroom. Each day is a test, and each day we receive a passing or failing grade in one particular subject: Grace. Grace is compassion, gratitude, surrender, faith, forgiveness, good manners, reverence and the list goes on. It’s something money can’t buy and credentials rarely produce. Being the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented, the richest or even the poorest can’t help. Being a humble person can, and being a helpful person can guide you through your days with grace and gratitude.
Bathing myself in grace helps me start my day off on the right foot. It reminds me that who I am being is truly more important than what I am doing. It sets the intention for my day to be to bring as much grace into my interactions with others, as well as with myself, as I can. And, it allows me to go to bed at night grateful for the opportunities to practice compassion, love, forgiveness, patience and other grace filled ways of being. Because I know for me, that this is ultimately how I’d like to be graded-by my ability to practice grace, not by how many things I checked off my to do list.
How about you? What do you do to start you day off on the right foot? What needs to happen for you to go to bed giving yourself a “passing” grade?
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach who believes every woman deserves a coach. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com.
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 23, 2011 | Family, Health, Sandie Lynch
We often sing about the joy this time of year brings. Sometimes the words can be empty and the emotion of joy a distant memory or even a highly desirable one that seems unattainable. The Holidays can be very demanding with the high expectations of beautiful decorations, buying the perfect gift for everyone on your list, and attending all the additional events and functions that come in celebration of the various Holidays, this on top of our regular schedule. Then for others it can be a lonely, high stress time as money may be tight and the memory of a loved one now passed leaves a bitter sting during this time.
Whatever it is that brings the added stress, it can definitely be hard to grab onto some “joy.” So what does the word “joy” mean to you and how does it differ from “happy” emotions you experience? Just so we are all on the same page, I am not speaking of happy times, such as an evening with friends when the laughter is abundant, or when you laugh a good “belly laugh” watching a funny YouTube® clip someone just shared. I’m talking about joy that comes from within no matter what the circumstance you find your life in. Experiencing true joy and having a joyful spirit is very different than having happy times that can be fleeting. It is a feeling or maybe even something bigger than a feeling that surrounds you in radiance, lets describe it as a “glowing.” This joy swells from the inside, like when someone who cares wraps a warm blanket around you on a cold chilly night, it warms you to the core. And, just like that blanket, when you share it, others feel the warmth as well. A joyful spirit is contagious and can affect anyone around you who is open to experience it.
So, where does a joyful spirit come from, and how can we allow it to grow and then to “glow?” A great place to start is counting our blessings. I know, sometimes it may be hard to bring anything good to mind, but when we actually start, it is usually surprising how many things may show up; such as health, family, friends, a warm dry house, plenty of good food, the list can be endless when we get started. By embracing the mindset of a grateful heart, this action alone can start a spark that grows that “glowing joyful spirit,” especially when we acknowledge the source of the blessings. Some call it the universe, others call it a higher power, I call Him, God. This acknowledgement causes our world to grow bigger than “self” and allows us to see the miracle of life around and within us. Yes, you are a miracle, and much thought went into the specific gifts, talents, and experiences you would have to be “you.”
Unconditional love, was first given to you by God, and as you accept this gift for yourself in everything; the good, the bad and the ugly, you begin to see all your qualities as good as they move you toward your divine path. If you don’t already, I encourage you to believe you were created for a purpose, and that purpose is to touch the lives of others in “your” unique way. Only you can be you! Therefore, begin each day by counting your blessings of being you! What qualities do you recognize that creates joy within you as you share them with others. Embrace these qualities and allow them to shine without fear! By embracing the real you and letting it shine, you begin to step into unconditional love for yourself and this alone can be freeing; to give up trying to be anything you’re not and not to step into expectations or demands of others that don’t fit you. Just show up and be you! This begins the “glow” and then there comes a time to “pay it forward” and allow your joyful “free” spirit to pour out as love for others with the same grace and gratefulness you have found for yourself. Let your light shine and joyful spirit glow, as you embrace everything that makes you, you!
Today’s author: Coach Sandie Lynch is a Registered and LicensedDietitian/Nutritionist. She obtained her Masters in Public Health Education with a certification in Healthcare Administration in 1999 and is a certified Fitness Consultant and Personal Trainer. Sandie also has fitness certifications in Aerobic Instruction and Pilates. Her services include; nutrition education/consultation, fitness training using the ATP™ approach, wellness lifestyle coaching, public speaking, workshops and wellness retreats. Contact her today at [email protected] to start your journey to Attain Top Performance! Or visit www.ATPhealthandfitness.com.
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