by Carol deLaski | Sep 20, 2013 | Business, Family, Laura Hall
Do you think its possible to live your life without expectations?
For me, the answer is not yet. I’m not spiritually evolved enough. I haven’t learned how to fully live in the present.
My observation is that expectations come from past experiences and are related to how we believe or want something to turn out in the future. They get in the way of being fully present in the now.
As a life coach, I work a lot with people on managing expectations. Unrealistic expectations set us up for disappointment. This is true on so many levels. From little thing like when I was playing golf yesterday and I expected that I could make the 4 foot putt, and I didn’t, to bigger things like how I expect my children to dress and behave now that they are teenagers. I encourage you to start observing how expectations show up in your life, both at work and at home, and how they may be causing you unnecessary frustration. How often do you expect something to turn out a certain way, and when it doesn’t you get upset. As Byron Katie says, “If you argue against reality, you will suffer”. How would your life change if you started practicing accepting reality instead of arguing against it?
Accepting it is not the same as liking it. Accepting it is about neutralizing your feelings about it. I believe this puts us in a better space to choose what our next step is. We are responsible for our own lives. We have response-ablility. We choose how we respond when our expectations and reality don’t line up, and what I know to be true is that when we are coming from a place of frustration, anger, intolerance or any other angst filled emotion, we are reacting and not responding. I don’t know about you, but I always feel better when I respond versus react.
I am undoubtedly a work in progress when it comes to practicing this. I catch myself needing to manage my expectations on a daily basis. Being aware of the impact of my expectations has opened me up to seeing reality more clearly. And, as reality becomes clear so do my choices of how to respond.
I encourage you to experiment with this yourself. The next time you are frustrated, mad, or just otherwise irritated, take a look at how your expectations and reality are not lining up. I’d love to hear your thoughts on expectations vs reality and how it is showing up in your life!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 11, 2013 | Fitness, Health, Nutrition, Personal Development, Sandie Lynch
I’m sure we all can think of a time when we were in the middle of a dispute and felt some resistance in finding settlement. There is a saying that always comes to mind that causes me to pause before proceeding when agreement seems like a struggle, “people don’t care what you say until they know how much you care.” This saying has helped shape my thoughts and words on many occasions to help resolve matters. This makes since when we consider most individuals are motivated by emotion and not by compliance. Understanding how the decision is beneficial is helpful, but the key to change is “emotionally” wanting it!
Sometimes these disputes can be within when considering life changing decisions such as career, getting married, divorced, or even when embracing healthy habits such as following a nutritious diet and exercise plan to have a healthier life. We all know the research shows that a nutritiously poor diet and a lack of activity can rob years from our life and keep us from experiencing our best due to low energy and increased risk of illness and disease…especially heart disease. Heart disease is the leading cause of death among women starting in our 40’s. So why do we continue these behaviors if we know they lead to negative outcomes? Although, we may want the result of making healthy changes we are emotionally tied to the very behaviors we feel we should stop. As we attempt to make healthy changes, many questions run through the mind. “How will this impact my life and relationships? Will I like the change? What will I miss out on? What will I gain in return?” Friends and family may also be involved with suggestions and recommendations, maybe with words of encouragement, and/or even strong direction of what they believe is in our best interest. There are many things to consider and sometimes deciding what voice to follow, especially when emotionally tied, can be a challenge, almost like a war within.
Consider this, when we unknowingly engage in activities that are not in alignment with what is best for us, deep within we may feel a sense of unsettledness or emptiness and unconsciously try to fill this hole with unhealthy things, such as relationships, behaviors and food. As with every decision the only one truly living with the outcome is the one making it. Yes, sometimes decisions impact others, and this is the very reason why being in alignment with one’s true authentic self will manifest the best result for all. This alignment creates a sense of peace, loyalty, and commitment to the behaviors and activities that follow to support the decision. Without this alignment, a lack of commitment exists and inconsistency is usually the result. Many times this causes “self-blame” to rear its ugly head and make us believe we have no will power or are lacking in some way to make the change happen. This lie can eat away at our confidence and resolve.
So how do you find this peace and alignment in a decision when it feels like a tug of war within? Listen and follow your heart! The heart is much more than a muscle that pumps our blood throughout our body. Within the book, Heart-Centered Leadership by Susan Steinbrecher and Joel B. Bennett, Ph.D. they describe the heart as the communication center of the body and the home of our soul and/or authentic self. The heart is where spiritual communication and true alignment happens. It makes sense when we consider all emotions are felt within the heart especially love. The heart was made for love and it seems that love drives all other emotions; for example, in the absence of love we feel anxious, lonely, broken, rejected, and maybe even lost, but in the presence of love we feel excitement, happiness, joy, and peace. Authentic self-care for the heart and body stems from the heart for it desires what is best for us and seeks this above all else in love. As we realize how much it cares to lead us to our best, we may feel drawn to reciprocate this love and WANT to listen to its guidance being emotionally tied to STOP the war within.
So, take time to listen to the quiet voice within your heart, follow its guidance, and realize the amazing benefits in all areas of life as you discover true alignment and peace as you Care for the Heart!
Join us on September 27th, 2013 for the Wholistic Woman Retreat as we invite you to explore your heart and listen to the voice within to lead you to your best life! Click here for more information and to register.
Written by Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, Personal Development Coach and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sandie provides private coaching and group fitness classes sharing 5 Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 4, 2013 | Business, Carol deLaski, Courage, Personal Development, Professional Development
“What’s your word?” I asked the thoughtful-looking woman standing before me. She gazed off into the distance and said quietly, “Acceptance. It’s the lens through which I’m challenging myself with some hard questions. For example, I’ve been dieting for months and have been experiencing success. So now I need to ask myself, ‘When will I stop? When will I accept that I’ve lost enough weight?’ My word is also challenging me to accept my 17- year-old daughter for who she’s becoming, even in little ways, such as accepting what clothes she chooses to wear to school each day.”
Words carry energy. There’s no denying it. I’ve always been fascinated by this fact. Words can motivate and inspire us to greatness, or in one fell swoop they can deflate and discourage us.
Have you noticed what words carry great energy for you?
This year I’ve been using a theme word as a lens through which I view my professional and personal life. My word is Believe. It came to me after following a process outlined in the book, One Word to Change Your Life by Britton, Page, and Gordon. I have now taught and coached this process to many others as well, and I am inspired by the stories I have heard as a result of this work.
The process is about receiving a word that is meant to guide you for an entire year. Instead of going through a mental exercise of picking a good word, the process is about creating a quiet space, both physically and mentally, to open your heart and receive a great word. The process can move swiftly or it can take time. One of my clients waited two full months before her word became clear to her. She patiently tested various words during that time, but none of them felt quite right until one day, two months into the process, a particular word resonated with her heart and she knew she had found it. Discerning the word that is meant for you takes patience, observation, and self-awareness. It means bypassing your thoughts and paying attention to what your heart is guiding you towards.
Examples of words that I’ve seen people embrace this year are: Open, Ask, Courage, Surrender, Positivity, Patience, Discipline, Observe, Plans, Light, Breathe, and Change.
What a variety! The good news is that there is no right or wrong word.
Some people embrace, their word immediately, while others resist it. Certain words have even initially evoked fear. One woman in particular received the word Courage. Her first response was that she didn’t want the word because she didn’t want anything to occur to her that would require courage. She wisely chose to test, or live, with the word for a day to see what she could learn about it. During this trial period she asked her husband if he ever thought she was courageous, and he surprised her with several powerful examples that provided her with a new perspective on herself. She also read the definition of courage in the dictionary and learned that the word originates from coer, which means heart. Lastly, she noticed that a favorite word, and activity of hers, providing encouragement to others, contained courage within it. Armed with this information, she was able to accept what her heart already knew; this was to be her word for the year.
I am now expanding my appreciation of the energy that words hold as I prepare for the Wholistic Woman Heart Centered Leadership Retreat. As I learn about the Seven Principles of Heart Centered Leadership I am drawn to this particular principle: Know the Impact of your Words and Actions. It encourages heart-centered people to speak and act with integrity, and to wisely choose the words we use at work and at home. Leading lives that are guided by our hearts, instead of entirely by our heads, isn’t always easy. To do so we need to learn how to listen, and follow, the inner nudges which move us forward towards our higher purpose. I look forward to learning more about the seven principles of heart-centered leadership at the retreat and applying them to my personal and professional life. I hope you will join me there!
For details about the one day retreat on Friday September 27th, visit: www.wholisticwomanretreats.com
Carol deLaski is a Certified Leadership coach, speaker, and author. She works with individuals and businesses to focus and develop effective leadership skills for greater success. To contact her, email [email protected]
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 21, 2013 | Business, Laura Hall, Personal Development, Professional Development
OK, I have a confession to make…I am a self-help/personal growth and development book junkie. I love books that help me understand how human relationships work, why people do the things they do, and how we can improve ourselves. I gained some insight into this tendency a couple months ago when I took the StrengthsFinder assessment and “learner” showed up in my top 5 strengths. When it come to fiction vs non-fiction, non-fiction wins my vote 9 times out of 10. I watch TV for pleasure and entertainment. I read to learn! (This drives some of the people in my book club crazy, but that’s OK.)
I believe that self awareness is the key to happiness. I strive, everyday, to learn something new about myself. I know that I am a work in progress. I don’t ever want to be “done”. I believe that there is no upper limit on happiness or self awareness. I am compelled to keep pushing the evolving edge of these, and I have chosen to surround myself with people who share this passion for wanting more of both. Chances are, if you are taking the time to read this, that you too want to know yourself better.
As one of the life coaches of Wholistic Woman Retreats, I’ve been busy preparing for our upcoming fall event titled, “Heart Centered Leadership, An Invitation to Lead from the Inside Out” which is a half day retreat being held on September 27th, 2013 in Buckeystown, Maryland. The retreat is based on the 7 principles of Heart-Centered Leadership as described in the book with the same title. And, as I’ve now confessed to one of my addictions, you’ve probably made the assumption that I am reading the book as part of my preparation, and guess what, you are right!
The opening lines of this book read, “At this very moment – while writing this book – we know we are a work in progress. As much as we will share our personal and professional experiences, we don’t have all the answers. We are learning every day about the power of leadership, the power of people, and the power of connecting with people.” OK, I’m hooked! But wait, it gets better…! Guess what principle #1 is titled! Know Thyself!
Several years ago I wouldn’t have given a book like this a second glance. Why you ask? The simple answer is because I didn’t see myself as a leader. I had a very narrow definition of that word. I thought leaders were only found in business. I thought that to be a leader you needed to be the head of your company, or leading a management team or something like that. But because I was doing my own work, and learning new things about myself on a regular basis, I came to realize that we are all leaders. The question is not, are you a leader, but rather, where and how do you lead?
Are you a CEO of a company? Are you a parent? Are you the owner of a business? Are you a volunteer in an organization? Are you an employee in a company? Are you a student? Are you someone’s friend? Are you alive? OK, you get it right, the list could go on and on. But here’s the deal, if you answered yes to any of these questions, (if you answered “no” to the last question, then we have a problem) then guess what, you are a leader! And, like I said earlier, if you are taking the time to read this blog then I know that, like me, you too believe that you are a work in progress and there is always more to know about yourself.
With that said, I’d like to invite you to join me and 39 other women for a day of self inquiry and growth at the Wholistic Woman’s fall retreat. Aren’t you curious about what the 6 other principles are?
If you’ve been to one of our retreats in the past, you know that it will be a day for rejuvenation, fun, connection and learning. You will make new friends and reconnect with others. If you haven’t been before, well then you are in for a real treat! You can sign up today by clicking here. Don’t delay as space is limited. Hope to see you there! For more information, visit us at www.wholisticwomanretreats.com.
Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 14, 2013 | Personal Development, Sandie Lynch, Success
What does heart-centered leadership mean? I discovered 5 insights while on a recent outing on the river with friends.
A group of my closest friends ventured on a tubing trip on the Shenandoah River as a Birthday celebration for our friend Linda. It was a picturesque day with low humidity, big fluffy clouds and a cool breeze. It was a perfect day to take a leisurely ride down the slow, calm river. The company advertisement stated this was a great event for 18 to 30 year olds looking for a relaxing ride. Our group consisted of eight women between the ages of the mid 40’s to late 50’s. It felt great to do something so youthful! It didn’t faze us a bit when all the individuals doing the event along with us were a good 20 to 30 years younger, because each of us believes fun, challenging activity and self-care are essential for growing agelessly older.
We were energized for our fun day celebrating our friend! We rented our “luxury” tubes; equipped with a bottom, back rest, and essential drink holder, closely watched our safety video, and rode the crowded bus to our drop off point for entering the river. It was a day to let go of any professional expectations, and just go with the flow of the river and life.
When first entering the water, we got separated as the river briskly took us down-stream, but with paddling aggressively and the birthday girl jumping in the shallow water to pull us all together, we reconnected and formed a “tube circle” and our party began as we floated down river together. The fun began with a burping contest, and then synchronized “tube” dancing! It was liberating to be in this group of accepting women. I found it so easy to let my guard down and be completely silly and open to what life and the river had to offer. We relaxed, laughed, told stories, and enjoyed the beautiful scenery as we purposefully guided our “tube-circle” around the obstacles on the river.
At one point, we floated by a huge group of younger individuals and encouraged them to join us in a rendition of “Happy Birthday” to our friend Linda. We had the whole river singing with us! Along the way we encountered Lor-I. (We called her that since we already had a Lori in our group and wanted everyone to have a unique identity.) She had gotten separated from her friends and was isolated on the river. We invited her to join us for a while and join in the fun. After enjoying some great conversation and a cool beverage she decided to make the “effort” to catch up with her friends and we all said our “good-byes.”
A little further down river we slowly moved past another individual who appeared lifeless in his tube. Our Lori, noticed she had dropped something in the water and got out of her tube to walk back to retrieve it, she decided to investigate the lifeless individual and nudged him to make sure he was ok. He was only sleeping but realized he also had been separated from his group. So again we invited this isolated individual named Chris to join our group. Chris, appeared to be an unlikely pairing for our group, since he was only 28 and was covered in tattoos. Some of us felt apprehensive not knowing what to expect. Soon, we discovered he was a soft hearted soul venturing on a new path in life. He confessed with tear filled eyes that he was a veteran and found himself lost in life; drinking and drugging way too much. He decided to turn his life around and follow his heart; starting a landscaping business and a “Not for profit” company for disabled veterans who needed simple toiletries and groceries when being released from the hospital. The whole group felt touched and inspired by this man’s story and courage to make his dream come true.
Our group came to our exit point in the river and said “so long” to Chris, our new found friend and inspiration. We ended our trip on the river with great laughs as our birthday girl, Linda received hugs from a 26 year old hunk, name Hollywood. The celebration continued with dinner, gifts, and lots of laughs from our trip on the river.
Reflecting back on this amazing day, I can’t help but to think how this short 2 hour trip on the river is a perfect “snap shot” of what life could be like if we allowed ourselves to live everyday being led by our heart.
A few principles to consider;
- Move for Fun. By choosing to engage in fun and enjoyable activities it increases our energy and our body’s ability to stay strong and more resilient to stress which may lead to a high quality, long and ageless life doing the things we love.
- Stay Connected. Our group had a great time because each person made the effort to stay connected floating down the river in our “tube circle.” When we choose to stay connected to loving, supportive individuals in life it makes for a much more enjoyable journey.
- Live Authentically without Judgment. We attract what we live! It is a true blessing to have friends who are “real” and offer no judgment. This created an environment for everyone we encountered to feel safe and permission to be genuine. Authenticity is a chicken or the egg scenario; by being authentic we attract individuals who truly accept us for who we really are, and it gives them the freedom to be just as “real.” This creates an environment to live without fear of rejection and a greater confidence to live boldly for what matters most.
- Be Open. The strangers we met and included in our “circle” became new friends. When we remain open to truly know more about the people we meet along our journey we may discover opportunities that may have been missed such a finding a new friend, offering encouragement to someone who has lost their way, and may even find ourselves the one who is inspired. The individuals we meet may be in our life for a moment, a season, or a lifetime, but trust that each encounter, no matter how long, has a greater purpose.
- Lead From Your Heart! Our intention for the day was to celebrate our friend, to have fun; and to share love. By starting the day with this intention, it seemed that each encounter seemed effortless and rewarding; not only did we share love but our “circle” of love expanded as we received much more love as well.
It was truly one of the most memorable, fulfilling days in my life. It was a day of true joy and gratitude that keeps on giving every time I think about the events of that day. It makes me wonder, what life would be like, if I pursued each day letting my heart lead on the river of life.
Do you have a similar experience? We would love for you to share it with our community along with any thoughts you may have on how you will make leading from your heart a daily a habit.
Please join Wholistic Woman Retreats for our Fall Retreat where you learn more principles on how to “Lead From The Heart!” Click Here for more information
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, Personal Development Coach and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sandie provides private coaching and group fitness classes sharing 5 Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 5, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Courage, Fear, Personal Development, Success
I carefully placed one foot after another on the rungs of a twelve foot ladder while seemingly climbing high into the air. I could sense the ropes-course instructor close behind me as I listened for his directions. I stopped on the sixth rung and twisted my body to the left to allow him to clip a four inch carabineer to the harness strapped around my waist. Hearing the click of the carabineer as it snapped firmly into place, I then grasped with both hands the green plastic sheath that protectively surrounded the heavy gauge steel cable rising from my waist. The instructor double checked my harness, tugging and cinching it tighter, before backing down the ladder. “Are you ready?” he asked, and my reply was yes!
He then took the ladder away leaving me suspended in mid-air by a giant Y- cable that was firmly attached to the trees high above me. It was a strange feeling to just be hanging there, momentarily still, anticipating the rush that was about to come.
The other women on my team that were on the ground started pulling a rope attached to the Y-cable; slowly raising my body even higher into the air. With my face now tilting upwards, I glimpsed the bright blue sky visible beyond the deep forest colors around me. The rope tugging came to a stop as my teammates finished hoisting me into position for this anticipated free-fall drop and swing.
I heard their calls of “You can do this!” and “Go, Carol!” offering me encouragement as the instructor’s voice drifted up, telling me to pull the cord that would release me from this strangely inert position I now found myself in.
I had watched others on my team accomplish this before it was my turn. I knew what was coming and yet I had no idea how this would feel or how I would react. I had witnessed a variety of initial responses as the free fall began, and these ranged from cursing to crying, so I wondered what response the fall would elicit from me. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I reached for the short release cable and gave it a tug.
The drop was instantaneous and a loud scream rose out of my lungs and burst into the air as my body fell straight down. The strong cables attached to my harness seamlessly caught me and lifted me forward as the swing took me across an expanse of underbrush to the other side of the gully I was suspended over. I felt adrenaline course through me as the warm wind rushed against my face, hands, and legs. My initial breathtaking scream turned to whoops of joy as I swung back and forth while thoroughly enjoying the security of the cables holding me. I pumped my legs like a school-girl on a swing-set to keep the joyous momentum going. I smiled both inside and out at the pure thrill of the ride as I heard my team shout enthusiastic congratulations of “You did it!” to me.
When my ride came to an end, the instructor placed the ladder beneath me and unclipped me from the cables. I descended to the ground with a deep sense of accomplishment which comes from discovering an inner resolve to overcome fear.
Reflecting on this experience I can easily apply it to other areas of my life.
Where else do I step out in faith and trust, assured that the cables of my life are going to hold me?
Where else do I rely on my team to help me achieve success?
I often speak of a growing edge with my coaching clients. The nature of the edge is different for each of us and unique to our circumstances. It’s where we choose to focus our efforts to create the change we want in our lives. Some of us step outside the edge of our comfort zone when we speak in public, attend an event alone, or begin a new relationship or job. When we face anything that scares us and move from the familiar to the unfamiliar, we stretch ourselves, learn and grow.
I have been using a theme word this year to focus and guide my own growth. This singular word provides a filter through which I gain perspective on my life challenges. My word is believe. I am finding that there are many things that I believe in.
I believed those steel cables would hold me, or I would have never attached myself to them. I believed the instructor and my team would provide the support, both physically and verbally, that I would need to get through the free-fall swing experience. I believed I would enjoy it once I got past my fears. Ultimately, I believed the calculated risk of the experience was well worth the lessons I would learn from stretching out of my comfort zone in this way.
The same is true for many other areas of my life. As I take well thought-out risks to grow, I surround myself with a team that can provide the support I need. And like the cables that were anchored somewhere high above me, I believe that I am linked to a Source of great strength that will catch me when I fall. Whether that fall is a thrill or a terror; I know that I can trust the invisible forces within the universe; the force that I call God, to hold me as I swing through life.
So, what is your growing edge? Where in your life are you stepping out and trying something new? Wherever it is, I encourage you to trust the team that has been positioned around you at this point in time. Believe that you are being held and supported through the free-fall swing of your life.
Two short videos of Coach Carol’s swing and team support afterwards.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a certified leadership coach and speaker. She will be leading two workshops on the One Word concept in August and you are warmly invited to attend. The workshop is a mid-year check-in for those who have a theme word, as well as an opportunity for new people to learn how to receive their word. For more information click here.
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 17, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Laura Hall, Success
Yes, that’s me! I did it! On July 6th, 2013 I went skydiving for the first time and the experience was everything I wanted it to be and more. If you read my last blog, “The Thing You Fear the Most“, you know that I took a lot of baby steps to get to this place. It feels a little surreal to have this experience behind me. I’m excited to report that everything went almost exactly as I had visualized it would. I had a beautiful day, a competent tandem instructor, and I was actually present for the experience. I enjoyed it! (As you may be able to tell from the smile on my face.) Knowing what you want is so important in life. You will never hit a target you don’t aim for. I definitely hit my target with this experience. The coolest thing I saw was a circular rainbow in one of the clouds. I looked this up on the internet and learned that they are very rare and have a special name. They are called a “glory”. There is no doubt in my mind that this was a sign from God. When I saw the glory I had an overwhelming sense of peace and just knew I was going to be OK. Click here to see a picture that is similar to what I saw. It was beautiful!
People keep asking me how it was and the simplest answer is, “Amazing!”. I’m finding it hard to put the experience in to words. I think that’s because it really wasn’t about the physical act of jumping out of a plane for me, but rather it was about turning and facing a fear rather than running from it. It was about rewriting a rule in the rule book of my life.
You see, I spent a good portion of my life avoiding a lot of the things that scared me. One of the the rules in Laura’s little book of life rules was, “If it scares you, figure out a way to avoid it!”. What, you never heard of that book!?! Hmm…well whether you know it or not, you too have a rule book that you operate out of. Some of the rules really work for you and make life more peaceful, happy and full, while other rules can get in your way and keep you from living the life you want to live. I encourage you to think about this rule book idea for yourself? Do you know your rules? Which ones are supporting you, and which ones are holding you back? How do you feel about rewriting the ones that are no longer serving you?
When I decided that I wanted to rewrite my rule around the things that scare me, I started thinking a lot about the word FEARLESS. What does it take to be fearless? The dictionary defined fearless as, “without fear, brave”. I figured I could practice being brave, but I wasn’t sure how to be without fear. I decided that breaking down the word made sense to me. I could work on being fearless by fearing less. My new rewritten rule became, “Feel the fear, but do it anyway.”. What I found was that the more I did something the less scary it became; I feared it less. When I felt anxious or scared by something, instead of running from it, I looked at it as an opportunity to practice my new rule, feel the fear, but do it anyway. I was making the choice to see things that made me uncomfortable as an opportunity, rather that something to be avoided. It wasn’t easy, and there were many times I was tempted by the old rule, but I was determined. I saw skydiving as a very physical symbol. Fear made me feel like a bird tethered to the ground. There were things I wanted to do, but I was afraid. I wanted the freedom to fly untethered. Skydiving, because it was something that at one point I thought I couldn’t do because of fear, represented freedom. It way my way to soar. I’ve found in the last week, whenever something starts to scare me, all I have to do is remind myself that I jumped out of a plane, and actually enjoyed it and look forward to doing it again. With this big fear behind me, it puts everything else in perspective. I am basking in the freedom of believing that I can do anything I put my mind to.
Skydiving was a major fear of mine and was the thing I just knew intuitively I needed to conquer to prove to my self that I could fear-less. What is your thing? What are you avoiding that you know, deep down, you really want to turn and face. What’s your plane? What are you ready to jump from? Where are you ready to soar? Let’s break the chains of fear and really fly! I know you can do it!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 10, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Fear, Personal Development, Success
Courage. What does this word mean to you? Does it mean stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new? Is it what you use when facing an unexpected diagnosis, change in employment, or loss of your home? Different situations require different degrees and forms of courage. The courage that it takes to face physical challenges can be dissimilar to the courage that it takes to confront social or emotional situations. Additionally, situations that may require me to be courageous may be something that you find easy to do. We are all unique, and yet we have a common resource we draw on when facing life’s challenges; and that is courage. This shared ability can also be referred to as pure guts. It is the unique way that we each choose to face fear.
I have seen powerful examples of courage in the past few weeks.
A dear friend of mine recently lost her entire home in the Colorado forest fires. Despite experiencing a devastating loss of property, she has chosen to be grateful for her family’s safety and for the overwhelming support of her community. Courage can be choosing to fill your heart with gratitude instead of bitterness in the midst of great loss.
After an eight year remission, a diagnosis of the return of cancer has sent a family close to me into a fearful tailspin. Worrisome thoughts of what if tempt them towards despair, yet I see them choosing to be mad at cancer instead. That anger can fuel them to fight this disease together. Courage can be choosing to fight the good fight instead of giving up hope.
The recent death of a young mother who passed away while giving birth stunned her family and cast ripples of grief throughout my faith community. Such a devastating loss seemed incomprehensible, and many wondered how her husband, young son, and newborn daughter, as well has the rest of her extended family and friends, would manage without her. I witnessed powerful courage at her funeral as the family leaned on their faith in this desperate time. Courage can be choosing to use a deep source of strength found in spiritual beliefs; allowing us to hang onto the lifeline those beliefs can provide when overwhelming grief threatens to sweep us away.
These examples of great acts of courage inspire and reassure me. None of us knows what life will bring our way, and it’s tempting to worry what will be around the next bend. I find hope in the realization that we have a choice in how we respond to whatever comes our way. Choosing to be courageous may not necessarily be a conscious choice. It may, instead, be a gut response that occurs in the moment. Whether we are aware of it or not, courage gets us through the circumstances that challenge us.
Courage is not just for the tragic or dramatic moments in our lives.
It is a choice that we make every day when we step out of our comfort zone and try something new. Courage is necessary in order to make subtle changes in our thinking and in our behaviors. Change, by its very nature, is uncomfortable. In order to create new situations or behaviors we have to go through the discomfort, and sometimes fear, of change before we can arrive in a new place. Knowing and expecting that the process is going to be uncomfortable helps us to stick with it, and not retreat to familiar habits that we want to let go of. In addition to a time of discomfort, change can also bring a sense of loss. Even when we desire what is new, we can still grieve the passing away of what has been. Changing relationships challenge us to be courageous.
Another subtle need for courage arises when we need to ask for help. We make ourselves vulnerable when we admit we need assistance from others. I experienced this recently as I asked several respected authors and educators to review my manuscript in order to provide testimonials for the book cover. One of them shared with me his hope that my story would inspire him to write about his transformative life moments. I’m glad I found the courage to share the manuscript, which in turn allowed it to become a gift to others.
Where are you choosing courage in your life? Are you using it to step out of your comfort zone and trying something new, or are you relying on it to face dramatically changing circumstances?
It has been said that courage is fear that has said its prayers and decided to go forward anyway.
May you be inspired by the courage you witness and choose today.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a personal and professional development coach, speaker and soon to be published author. To contact her: email [email protected]. She is also a founder of the Wholistic Woman Retreats community which offers enriching, supportive and fun opportunities for women on-the-grow. You are warmly invited to step out of your comfort zone with this supportive community at their annual zip line retreat on 7/23. Click here to learn more about Zip, Swing & Soar
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 27, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Personal Development, Sandie Lynch, Success
Research on the behavior of change or taking action show that fear is a stronger motivator than the sense of accomplishment. Now don’t get me wrong there are individuals who are strongly motivated by achievement of goals and take action readily with no or little fear of failure. If you are like most; me included; as the research states, when fear stands in the way of our intentions or desires, we resist moving forward and sometimes even give up on the very idea of doing the things we desire most. This is the old “fight or flight” syndrome we were designed with to protect us from wild animals and threats to our life. It seems the determining factor is how BIG is our FEAR and what direction we run! Does it move us toward or away from our goals or desires? Do we need to have a BIG bear chasing us to get us moving toward our goals?
To give an example; As a Registered Dietitian, I have observed in my years of practice, individuals who are frequently educated on the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle for years with little change in behavior. The lack of change typically is due to the change seeming too complicated and may have caused tension within their relationships; thus, the fear of failure or rejection appearing very BIG. Once these same individuals were faced with an acute illness or disease as a consequence of their unhealthy lifestyle, behavior change occurred immediately for fear of the BIG realistic possibility of permanent debilitation or death. So is fear a bad thing? Not necessarily, but when perceived BIGGER than it really is, it can get in our way of living our best life! I love this acronym of FEAR: False Events Appearing Real.
So is there anything we can do when our fear is keeping us stuck from doing the very thing we want or desire; is the fear BIG enough to keep us from moving forward but not BIG enough to motivate the action we want? It seems when no fear or little fear exists in the face of our desires, action is effortless; such as going on vacation, or dinner with friends. How can we STOP FEAR or shrink it from appearing too BIG and standing in our way?
From my own experience, when I focused on the situation I wanted to change it seemed my fear grew BIGGER and my action was paralyzed. As I look back it seems my biggest successes of change happened when I stopped focusing on the situation and/or behaviors that needed changed and instead turned my focus to the One leading me to change. The One leading me was much BIGGER than the situation and the associated fears. The One leading me is God, for I trust He wants for me a good life. As I changed my focus to God, the fears became smaller and sometimes non-existent for I knew God was BIGGER than any situation or fear and promised to lead me to a fuller, better life in this one and the next (Jeremiah 29:11)!
Here are just a few situations from my own experiences where changing my focus made all the difference in what or who was BIGGER; Fear or God.
First, when I finally stopped focusing on how much of a failure I was in eating right and exercising consistently to maintain a healthy weight, and turned my focus on the amazing vessel: the body, God created and wanted to reveal the beauty He created within me, did my choices change and make living a healthy lifestyle effortless and even joyful!
Second, when I finally moved my focus from the fear of rejection from women due to the past hurt from childhood and focused on God’s desire for fellowship to glorify Him, did I find myself encircled by genuine friends that I can trust and truly believe they fully accept and love me in all my quirkiness! The Wholistic Woman Community is a great example of how this circle of friends and acquaintances of genuine acceptance continues to grow. (If the feeling of genuine acceptance is something you want in your life, come join the community!)
And third, it was not until I moved my focus from how BIG and hard growing my ATP business was, believing I was not enough to do it one my own, and focused instead on God, that if ATP was His will for my life, He would grow it and equip me with the help I needed did I see the number of clients increase and I found my passion renewed in serving those who come.
Who is BIGGER in your situations? I encourage you to change your FOCUS and see the reality; that fear is really SMALL next to a BIG GOD!
“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear or be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
~ Deuteronomy 31:6
I invite you to join the Wholistic Women Community for our Zip, Swing, and Soar Event on July 23rd. It will be a fun filled, “Courage” challenging event as we discuss and actually face our fears. Come and be inspired to shrink fear not only as we Zip, Swing, and Soar through the air, but gain strategies to create BIG Courage a reality in any situation. Click here for more information and to register. Hope to see you there!
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 13, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Laura Hall, Personal Development, Success
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. – Mark Twain
Today I’d like to make a public declaration that on July 6th, 2013 I will do something that at one point in my life I thought I couldn’t do. I am going skydiving.
It’s amazing to me how just writing that, I can feel my heart rate increasing. Our fears certainly can have interesting affects on us. What’s up with this physical response? I’m not actually skydiving right now, I’m just thinking about it. Any fear I’m having right now is entirely in my imagination. Our minds certainly are powerful things.
When I went through coach training in 2008, I was encouraged to write a new rule book for my life. At that time I was riddled with anxiety related issues, but I was determined to stop letting fear hold me back. My new rule became, “feel the fear, but do it anyway”. As I prepare myself for my upcoming jump, I find myself repeating this rule often.
As I coach, I also believe in baby steps. Here are the baby steps I’ve taken since deciding that this was a fear I wanted to face. First, I put a picture of a girl skydiving on my vision board which hangs in my bathroom. I look at this on a daily basis and imagine what it’s going to be like to feel the wind in my hair and see the ground below rushing up to greet me. Second, I went to a vertical wind tunnel where I experienced what it feels like to have the wind pushing against me. Third, I’ve been visualizing the ideal skydiving experience (this was suggested to me by my own coach). I picture myself on the ground feeling euphoric, having just had the most amazing jump. And as I am writing this, I am on hold waiting to schedule my reservation. I am going to do this!!!!
How about you? What fear are you ready to face?
Did you know that on July 23rd Wholistic Woman Retreats is hosting Zip, Swing and Soar? What is this you ask? It’s an evening at Upward Enterprises where with the assistance of the Wholistic Woman Retreat coaches you will have the opportunity to try ziplining and the giant swing. For those of you that participated in this with us last year, you know how much fun the ziplining was. We’ve added the swing as another optional opportunity to step outside your comfort zone. Click here to see what the giant swing is all about. If this sounds like something you are interested in then please sign up to join us for your treetop adventure followed by dinner at the Buckeystown Pub. Click here for details.
I hope to see you there, and don’t forget to ask me about my skydiving experience!
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