by Carol deLaski | Oct 15, 2014 | Guest Blogging, Personal Development
Do you ever find it difficult to return to everyday life after being away? Our guest blogger, Linda Brennan, shares how SCUBA lessons remind her to practice good self care when returning from a ‘deep’ experience.
Years ago I participated in a class to obtain a SCUBA certification. For those who are unfamiliar with SCUBA, it is actually an acronym for Self-Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. I was very excited to have the opportunity to learn to use equipment that would allow me to stay underwater for extended periods of time to observe and swim among marine life. SCUBA diving also appealed greatly to my sense of adventure.
The class, however, proved to be quite challenging, both mentally and physically. We had to memorize formulas for the amounts of oxygen that would be used in our tanks dependent upon the depth and length of our dive, as well as learning how to put on all of our gear underwater. Our swimming ability and stamina was tested by retrieving bricks from the bottom of a pool, and we had to know how to equalize our ear pressure during a descent so that our eardrums wouldn’t rupture. But the one aspect of the aquatic SCUBA instruction that I find to be quite applicable to landlubber situations is the concept of a slow ascent back to the surface after a deep dive.
When staying underwater in greater depths for an extended period of time, a SCUBA diver has to breathe a gaseous mixture that contains nitrogen. The nitrogen gas needs to be released slowly from the divers’ bloodstream when they ascend to the surface. If the diver ascends too rapidly, the nitrogen can bubble out of the blood and cause a very painful and often fatal condition known as the ‘bends’. When this happens, the diver needs to get to the nearest decompression chamber in an effort to try to reverse the condition. Prevention of the bends, however, is simple and painless; the diver is required to ascend slowly and periodically pause to ‘hang-on-the-line’ for a while on the way to the surface. This effort does require some planning since the diver must know how long they were underwater and how deep their dive was, as well as how much breathable air is remaining in their tank.
This SCUBA concept of a slow ascent reminds me of the times in my life when I have had to dive deep into something in my life and have then had to stay at the depths for extended periods of time. These deep dives have sometimes been unexpected and without much warning, such as the serious illnesses of a loved one or even a death. Some dives have been more expected, such as sending a child off to college, a job change, or going on a planned retreat. Deep dives have also occurred for me during particularly moving spiritual experiences or intimate conversations with friends. Even after returning from a vacation, a retreat, or a service experience, I have found myself unable to immediately return to life as usual. I may be back to where I started geographically, but emotionally, spiritually, and mentally I have not transitioned back to where I am physically standing. The return to ‘normal’ life (if there is such a thing) can feel overwhelming. I often become frustrated at my inability to transition. It is at times like this that I do better if I remember the SCUBA concept of ‘hanging-on-the-line’; stopping to rest while my body adjusts to the ascent, thereby preventing a case of the ‘bends.’ I need time to let the bubbles slowly dissolve and absorb. Trying to find the balance and the tools I need for this more gentle transition depends again, on the extent, depth, and nature of the dive.
After a weekend retreat, I may find that I just need quiet when I return home. This was always easier said than done when I had children wanting my attention when I first walked in the door. I found that some prayer time in the car on the way home, a walk in the backyard, journaling time, or listening to inspirational music when alone seemed helpful.
If my dive was deeper or the time of it more extensive, such as periods in my life where I had a loved one that I wanted to be with during serious illness, it could take months afterwards for me to transition. I learned over the years to recognize and honor my need for special self-care during these more challenging transitions. Again, for me, music, prayer, conversations with trusted friends or family members, nature, journaling, acupuncture, exercise and a deliberate reduction in social activities helped me to ‘hang-on-the-line’.
I am still learning how to ascend to the surface and transition with each new situation that occurs in my life and I believe this is a lifelong process. Each deep dive provides an opportunity for growth and change.
Longtime member of Wholistic Woman Retreats, Linda Brennan is our talented guest blogger this month. She is a biologist at Ft. Detrick and resides in Middletown with her husband Bill and playful dog Bailey.
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 24, 2014 | Guest Blogging, Personal Development, Retreats, Self-Care
Today I want to write about our upcoming Wholistic Woman event: Be Calm when we will travel to Bon Secours Retreat Center to do a labyrinth walk and picnic.
I can’t actually write about doing a labyrinth walk… because I’ve never done one.
I have, however, experienced being calm. I actually think I’m a relatively calm person, especially since participating in coach training. I learned how I calm myself when I need to:
- I listen to what I’m saying to myself (my self-talk),
- I write it down,
- I reflect on it,
- I examine it’s level of truth, and I shift to what is really true.
- I try to focus on what is important to me (my values) and what I want in life.
- That calms me.
What does it mean to be calm? One definition I found said that it is “a condition free of storms, high wind, and rough water”, and I thought…that’s impossible in the turbulent lives we lead.
Another definition said that it is “a state of tranquility.” That’s attractive to me. I picture a pond that looks like glass, soft sounds in the background, crystal clear fresh air, and blue sky, I feel centered, whole, confident, and clear.
The main definition is “a quiet and peaceful state or condition, a peaceful mental or emotional state”. That sounds great! I want more of that.
How do we get there? I know I have techniques that work for me and I am open to learning new ones. I hear Bon Secours is a beautiful place with ponds, gardens, and an opportunity to reflect. I look forward to walking the labyrinth with other women in the wholistic community and looking inward to see what new level of calm I can achieve.
Please join me in this new experience! Click here for details and to register.
Today’s author: Lisa DiSciullo, CPCC, is a Certified Life Coach in Summit, NJ, with her own practice working with her clients as they are developing clarity, growth, and fulfillment in their lives. She is a founding member of the Wholistic Woman Retreats group and a Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program. She can be reached at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 30, 2014 | Business, Courage, Fear, Guest Blogging, Personal Development, Professional Development
We are happy to welcome Kim Dow, our fabulous Wholistic Woman Alliance Partner, graphic designer, and today’s guest blogger as she shares what she learned at the Be Courageous Retreat.
I have a healthy fear of heights. It’s cool, I’m not afraid to admit it!
But, recently, I set a goal for myself and conquered that fear. I joined our client, Wholistic Woman Retreats, for their annual “Be Courageous” event at Upward Enterprises, a zip lining and ropes challenge course in Buckeystown, MD.
Amidst the zipping and free-fall swing fun, lay the “Leap of Faith” (possibly mistaken as the Leap of Death…but whatever). A towering site where you climb up a single telephone pole, using just small hooks to brace your feet and cling to with your hands. Once you reach the top, you have to maneuver yourself around on a small plateau to face yourself outwards. Then, you jump off the top of the pole, aiming for a trapeze hanging in mid air. No biggie, right? WRONG!
Holy. Crap. Despite having done this challenge once several years ago (or maybe because of it), and knowing that I was safely harnessed in…my heart was still beating, my legs were still shaking and my brain was still screaming at me “Abort, Abort—We Are Up WAY Too High!” But, I kept my goal in mind and found the strength and inner will to keep climbing—to keep going for it and conquer the fear.
This experience is no different than what we face as entrepreneurs. Business owners face many fears—fear of failure. Fear of where your next job or payment will come from. Fear of change. Fear of not being able to pay your employees or yourself. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of the unknown. I think it’s safe to say that starting and owning your own business can, at times, be downright scary. But, you always have to try and overcome those fears—sometimes even embracing them—and keep moving forward to your end goal(s). To continuously push yourself and to keep moving forward, knowing those fears and the risks are just a part of the journey.
For me, back on that 20-something high (okay, so I don’t really know how high it was, but let me tell you when you’re at the top of it, it feels twice as high as it looks!) it wasn’t the jumping off part that was the scariest. It was the climb. Especially when I was almost at the very top…that was the hardest part. And isn’t that the same with our business as well? It’s the planning, the strategizing, all the hard work that leads us to that “top” (whatever point or end goal that may be for you). Once you’ve made that climb, it almost seems easy to take that final “Leap of Faith” and jump off!
And hey, it’s okay if you have to take a break on the way up—catch your breath, gather your thoughts, adjust your climbing strategy. But, just be sure to keep climbing, because it’s worth it!
Another important aspect of my Leap of Faith experience was the positive encouragement and cheering received from all those watching (and the fact that I, in turn got to cheer others on when my turn was over). The encouraging, supportive words truly made it easier to keep going! And I believe this is also a very important aspect of entrepreneurship. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family and colleagues—it definitely can make a huge difference, especially when you doubt yourself!
A special thank you to Wholistic Women Retreats and the coaches who plan this amazing event each year. And another huge thanks to Clive Felgate and his amazing team at Upward Enterprises. I can’t wait for next year’s adventure!
Kim Dow is owner of Kalico Design, a creative and wholistic graphic design firm in Frederick, Md. You can learn more about Kim and her company by visiting www.kalicodesign.com
Thank you to Mary Kate McKenna Photography for great shots of this fun event!
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 21, 2014 | Courage, Guest Blogging, Personal Development, Professional Development
Last week’s Zip, Swing, and Leap event was an enlightening experience. The evening started with Carol recommending to each of the women to observe themselves and their experience, as that is the best way to learn from the activity. I was a floater coach, a supporter of the participants, ropes team, and the event. I learned not by actually doing the events, but by supporting and observing others.
Throughout the evening I witnessed the power of women deciding they CAN. That they are able, they will trust, they know they are supported, and they are scared to death and are going to do it anyway.
I spent most of my time that night at Leap of Faith. The Leap of Faith requires a full body harness that, once you jump, holds you at the back of your neck, like Peter Pan flying across the stage on Broadway. Once in the harness, you climb a telephone pole, turn around on the top, stand tall for a photo, focus on a trapeze about 8 (feels like 8000) feet in front of you, count down 3-2-1 (to let Clive, our fearless spotter know it’s time) then leap full out to grab a trapeze.
I could see the fear on women’s faces, I could also SEE the decision when they took the jump – 3…2…1……leap! I could see the triumph and thrill of completion.
I also saw people on the ground decide “I’m not doing that!”. One woman got halfway up the pole and decided to go back down, she told me later that she had had a hip replacement and felt a tweak and didn’t want to risk injury. I was impressed with her clarity in prioritizing her health over taking the risk. I saw others decide it was not the night for them. Whatever the decision was for each woman, they followed through. I was so clear throughout the night that we all decide our experience.
Later when I read through the feedback forms that the participants had filled out, I saw over and over again, when asked what attracted them to the retreat, “I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone”, then, when asked what did you get out of this, “I was afraid, and I did it!“ and “That I can do this”.
So how will these women take this out into their lives, how will I take it out into mine, how can you take it into yours?
Know that no matter what you are faced with, you will take all available information into account, evaluate, decide, do. It puts the power in you, the steering wheel of your life in your hands.
Think of the many decisions we need to make in our lives: Will I accept this job offer? Will I marry this person? Will I eat this extra cookie? Will I make it to the meeting on time? Will I lose that 10 pounds? Will I live a life of meaning?
What are you deciding, what can you do, what will you opt not to do? You have the power.
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” – Anthony Robbins
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” – Abraham Lincoln
Today’s author: Lisa DiSciullo, CPCC, is a Certified Life Coach in Summit, NJ, with her own practice working with her clients as they are developing clarity, growth, and fulfillment in their lives. She is a founding member of the Wholistic Woman Retreats group and a Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program. She can be reached at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Mar 12, 2014 | Laura Hall, Personal Development
If you are a regular follower of Wholistic Woman Retreats, then you know we are all agog over here about our upcoming retreat based on Carol deLaski’s new book, “Lost and Found”. As I’ve been doing my part in preparing for this event, the question that keeps popping up in my head is, “What do I still hope to find in my life?”.
The answer is that I hope to find ME.
I believe that finding myself is one of my purposes in life. Maybe my only purpose (I’m not sure about this yet). But here is the tricky part….I also believe that I’m meant to evolve. So how do I find something that is constantly changing? Hmm…maybe finding myself is about living in the question of, “Who am I?”. Who am I today, right now. What layers of my former ME am I ready to shed so that I can discover the ME of right now. What thoughts are no longer serving the ME of today? What is no longer true for ME?
So I guess that what I am coming to is that finding myself is going to be an ongoing process. It’s going to be a journey, not a destination. Finding ME is going to be something that I work on on a daily basis. It will forever be the answer to the question, what do I still hope to find? And you know what? I am OK with that! I accept that I am a work in progress. Always.
Now it’s your turn! How would you answer the question, “What do you still hope to find?” We’d love to hear your thoughts on this.
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 4, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Change, Family, Holidays, Personal Development
What do you anticipate at this time of year? Amid the hustle and bustle of preparing for the holidays, what are the experiences that will make you pause and savor the moments? It’s easy to become so preoccupied with our to-do lists that we overlook or brush past those precious times of connection, laughter, and joy. Don’t miss it!
Perhaps you are like me and find yourself anticipating the look on someone’s face when you give them a gift that you’ve thoughtfully selected for them. For me, it will be giving the ‘Elf on the Shelf’ to my six-year-old granddaughter.
Shopping isn’t one of my favorite things to do, but when it comes to shopping for the children in my life, I must admit that I have trouble restraining myself. It happened recently when I was in a store and saw this whimsical elf on display. It caught my eye and brought a smile to my face, and I knew in an instant that it would have the same effect on my granddaughter. As I write this, I can picture her eager face as she enjoys the challenge of this game, which is to find the hidden elf in her home each day leading up to Christmas.
Looking forward to spending time together fills my heart with anticipation even more than gift giving does. This year, in addition to the Elf on the Shelf, I plan to make a gingerbread house with my granddaughter. I can picture her enthusiastic bright eyes as we put the puzzle pieces of the house together, sticky fingers being licked, gumdrops being carefully placed, and the feeling of her slender arms wrapped around my neck in a hug hold, as we survey the masterpiece we have created together. It doesn’t really matter how the gingerbread house looks. The joy is in those moments of fun, creativity, and connection as a new memory is being made. Who knows…perhaps it will even become a tradition.
The way in which holiday traditions form is an interesting phenomenon. There is comfort found in the routines which link one holiday to another; year in and year out. As a child, I remember wanting to hang a certain mistletoe ornament in the same place every year when we decorated our home. There was something very satisfying about recreating the atmosphere in which our family celebrated together.
As an adult, however, I was caught off guard when my children declared traditions had been started simply because we did something two years in a row. I realized that I needed to be mindful of what activities I repeated, since I never knew which ones they would take to heart and want to repeat annually! My sons had a strong desire to create our family’s unique traditions, many of which continue now that they are young adults. They can easily tell you the kind of tree we get, the cookies we bake, the way we open gifts, and what we eat on Christmas morning. It’s not so much what we do but that we do it together that matters. Our hearts are warmed when we both anticipate and perform our family’s rituals.
There is a flip side, however, to the happiness that traditions can invoke. During difficult years of upheaval and change, traditions may need to be altered. In my lifetime, separation and divorce dictated that we couldn’t continue certain ways of doing things. This occurred when my sons were young teenagers, and I remember how important it was to ask them what traditions they wanted to keep as our family went through this change. It was interesting to learn which ones no longer mattered to them. Having a say in the changes helped my children tremendously in adapting to new situations. My older son, Patrick, could care less about outdoor decorations, but my younger son, Ben, really enjoyed them. So a new tradition was formed that Ben and I became the two family members that decorated the outside of our home each year. Patrick loved a freshly cut tree, but instead of going to the farm and cutting it down ourselves, we adjusted to buying one from the Boy Scouts. Adaptations to our traditions were made, and we even formed new ones as our family evolved as a trio.
Knowing how and when to change traditions is as important as being aware of how and when they form. A dear friend of mine lost her mother to cancer this year. This will be her first Christmas without her mom, who was also her best friend. I admire how she has thoughtfully decided where she wants to be on this holiday, and with whom she wants to spend it. She knows that she will miss her mom no matter where she is, but she feels that being somewhere that her mom loved, and with the people her mom loved, will help her to connect with the spirit of the woman she longs for. Adapting her family traditions this year is what she needs to do to manage her sense of loss and grief.
Changing traditions can cause distress within families, particularly when everyone may not agree about those changes. Ultimately, we must each decide for ourselves what we need to create the comfort and connection that our hearts desire. No one knows better than you what will satisfy you to your core. Even if others don’t agree with your choices, I encourage you to persevere and choose the experiences and moments that will fill and overflow your heart with love.
Because a heart full of love is ultimately what this season of the year is all about. Love came down at Christmas and continues to come to us in many forms. My wish for you is that you will feel the light of love in your life as you capture the special moments this season has to offer.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a life leadership coach, author, and speaker. You may contact her at [email protected].
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