by Carol deLaski | Jan 11, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Change, Personal Development, Professional Development
This quote (by one of my favorite authors) reminds us to fully embrace our ‘You-ness’ and be unique.
How will you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person in 2017?
I find that using a theme word for the year is a helpful way to guide my growth as a unique person. I highly recommend it if you are seeking a new perspective about your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe (or whatever you call that which is bigger than us) intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking any ole’ good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process works like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these powerful questions:
What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
What’s in my way? What’s blocking me?
What needs to go? Or, what do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expect. In fact, your mind may reject the word provided, but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it. Even if the word doesn’t make sense initially, try to remain open and curious to see what insights await you.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by applying it to everyday highs and lows.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that work best for me, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was a bit odd and uninspiring. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive and/or divine messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
In 2016 my word has been ASK. I’m a recovering independent woman who is learning the value of being interdependent. I have a tendency to ‘just do it myself.’ It’s hard for me to ask for what I need. My word has reminded me to practice asking a lot this year. I’ve learned important lessons not only about asking but also about waiting patiently and receiving.
After spending an entire year with each of my words I find that they become a part of me. The habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction continues long after the year is over. Each word has helped me grow wiser and more self-aware.
As 2017 begins, I’m going through the process to discover a new theme word and I invite you to join me.
You can learn more about the One Word Process in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a support or stretch team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of my Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 25th from 5:30-7:30 pm when we will kickoff the 2017 Evening Retreat Series. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear inspiring stories of it’s impact on other individuals. If you have a Word for 2017 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about the process.
During the Launch Party you will learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2017. We hope you will join us for all 9 of these evening retreats to learn, grow personally and professionally and to stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team throughout the year. If you can make it to a lot of the evening retreats we suggest that you become a member to receive discounts on every event. Click here to learn more and become a member.
Most importantly, in this community of women-on-the-grow know that you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you! We believe that we are each unique and a wonderful work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Aug 22, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development
What do you think of when you hear the term ‘mission trip’?
Does it sound inviting…interesting…or does it conjure up unpleasant thoughts and images in your mind?
To be honest, when I first heard the term mission trip years ago, I made a few assumptions.
- I assumed that mission trips were all work and no fun. I questioned why I would I use my limited vacation time to do physical labor for complete strangers.
- I assumed that the participants on these trips would be pushy and would force their faith beliefs onto everyone around them.
- And I assumed that I couldn’t handle seeing that level of poverty firsthand.
My first opportunity to take a mission trip surprisingly came through my son, Ben. As a teenager, he was an active member of a youth group at our church. When he was a freshman in high school he and his church friends jumped at the opportunity to travel together on a Group Work Camp trip to do home repairs in Buffalo, New York. Admittedly, he was more motivated by the idea of traveling, socializing, and hanging out with his friends then by helping others, but that was okay. He grew spiritually and emotionally on that trip and was so excited by the experience that when he returned he said, “Mom, you have to do this next summer…you would LOVE it!”
I couldn’t refuse such an invitation from my son and we did youth mission trips together over the following two summers. Ben was right. I did love it. I learned that my assumptions were wrong. It was deeply enriching to travel and work with high school students and to make a difference in the lives of those in need.
My eyes were opened, and my awareness expanded, as I saw living conditions that I had previously only imagined. My heart developed a deeper level of compassion as I talked with the homeowners we served. I found it easy to connect with many of them, including a single mother who, like me, was trying to create a safe, comfortable, and healthy home for her sons. We shared the same core values of service, love, generosity, gratitude, and faith. Our perspectives and beliefs naturally arose in casual conversations as we worked side by side…cleaning, weeding, painting and eating together. There was no pushiness or insistence to change one another; only openness and a genuine desire to connect our hearts and minds as we used our hands and bodies to improve lives. I found that this connectedness went both ways, and that I often received more than I gave from the experience.
On these trips we worked hard but that wasn’t all we did. After the work was done each day we played. Ultimate Frisbee tournaments, card games, music, and day trips to hike, picnic, and swim in nearby parks offered us relaxation and fun. We took time to explore and enjoy the areas that we served.
At the end of each day, we gathered for devotionals and shared stories and insights we had learned from our experiences. My favorite part of this time was the sharing of ‘God-Moments’; those unexpected moments when we felt God’s presence. Often they came when we felt an inner nudge to do or say something that (unknown to us) was exactly what someone else needed. With hindsight, we traced God’s presence with us each day. These times of accountability helped us support one another in seeing, feeling, and trusting in the daily presence and guidance of the Spirit of God.
The positive experiences with the youth led me to say yes this year to an invitation from my sweetheart, Greg, to join him on a V.I.M. (Volunteers in Mission) trip sponsored by his church. The group of 36 volunteers was comprised of men, women, and youth from four local churches ranging in age from 15-77. Unlike the youth Group Work Camp trips where we traveled by cars/vans, and buses…this trip entailed a flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico. This was a multi-legged journey. We traveled by van, plane, ferry, and yet again more vans, to get to our ultimate destination; the small town of Esperanza on the island of Vieques, PR. Each volunteer brought a second suitcase with items to donate to the local community; tools, clothing, food, athletic equipment, and more. The logistics of moving 36 individuals with 72 suitcases through a five legged journey was a challenge in and of itself!
Understandably, our theme word for the trip (of which our leader Ray often reminded us) was Patience. We had many opportunities to develop patience on the full day journeys there and back again. We also developed it as we lived together for seven days in close dormitory quarters with multiple people to a room, sleeping on bunk beds, and sharing bathrooms. Additionally, we developed patience on our work crews as those with skills taught the amateurs how to use tools and do the work that was necessary.
Before going, I set a few intentions for myself in order to get the most out of this experience.
- My first intention was to be humble, to look for opportunities to serve, and not hesitate to help in any way that I could. I wanted to be open, conscious, and non-judgmental. With that in mind, I focused on full engagement: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. By bringing my whole self to the trip I knew that I would learn lessons which were uniquely meant for me.
- Physically, I wanted to do my best…yet I was far from the most skilled laborer on the team. I was willing to serve, though, in whatever way was needed. That meant cleaning our team bathrooms, filling and refilling the crew’s water bottles, as well as swinging a hammer, varnishing boards, and learning how to mix mortar and lay ceramic floor tiles.
- I also set the intention to do my best mentally and emotionally. I was curious to experience the cultural, language, and lifestyle differences that this opportunity provided. I wanted to be present…to really see each person I met, listen to their stories, accept and learn from them.
- Spiritually, I set the intention to look for God in nature and to savor the beauty of this Caribbean island. I also wanted to find opportunities to talk about faith with the people I met; my fellow travelers as well as the townspeople and members of the local churches. I wanted to catch the God-moments -trusting that the Spirit would guide my actions and words to create genuine connections with the people with whom I worked and played.
One such person was Hector. We worked at his church in the town of Isabel for 4.5 days building an interior wall with 4 acrylic windows on either side of a double door. The purpose of the wall was to keep the air-conditioning inside the sanctuary instead of flowing out the front door. Vieques is a tropical climate; the wall would make the worship space more comfortable and would provide savings on their energy bills. As ten of us worked on the wall, Hector, and/or other church leaders would stop by to see our daily progress, express their gratitude, and encourage us. I enjoyed talking with Hector throughout the week and felt a deep connection with him as we told one another about our lives, work, and faith. He became a special friend and we encouraged one another. There were many God-led moments throughout the week that enriched my experiences with the people we served, those who worked beside me, and residents of Vieques.
Similar to my youth Work Camp experiences, we had time to explore and enjoy the island each day after our work was done. It was delightful to take a cooling swim in the stunningly beautiful Caribbean and wander the coast looking for sea glass and shells that we don’t normally find on our northern continental US Atlantic beaches. There were opportunities to kayak, snorkel, hike the island, and see the glow of the diatoms in the Bio-Luminescence Bay at night under a velvety black sky studded with stars. We enjoyed God’s creation and also boosted the local economy as we ate and shopped in Esperanza. We were especially delighted with the jewelry local crafts people made from the sea glass we collected. As we visited the local businesses we realized that the entire town knew who we were. It’s not possible for a group of 36 people to come to tiny Esperanza without everyone knowing about it! We were surprised time and again at the friendliness, generosity, and gratitude of the community…even those who were not directly involved with our work appreciated our service. The people of Vieques welcomed us and thanked us for helping to improve their community.
I brought home a few treasured sea shells and mementos from my time on Vieques. More importantly, though, I brought home an important reminder from my Island-Time and that is:
When I step out of my comfort zone to help others, I receive much more than I give. By immersing myself in ten days of practicing the values of patience, adaptability, service, generosity, and gratitude, I not only benefitted others but I benefitted myself as well.
I don’t need to go on a mission trip to use these gifts. I can use them right at home in my everyday life. I am, however, very grateful for the powerful reminders that such service experiences provide. I have a renewed commitment to look for opportunities to do good, serve others, and connect to others. I know that with such focus I will continue to grow, be a blessing, and be blessed.
Whether near or far, when the opportunity to help others comes your way, I hope you will give. Then be ready to receive the gifts meant for you which are uniquely found in service!
*If you would like to learn more about setting intentions and achieving the results you desire, join us for the next evening retreat, Be Focused, on August 31st from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a leadership coach, speaker, and author who specializes in developing the strengths of individuals and organizations. She is the Founder and CEO of Wholistic Woman Retreats which provides personal and professional development programs for women-on-the-grow. You may learn more about her at www.caroldelaski.com or email her directly at: [email protected] to have her work with you or your group.
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 1, 2016 | Personal Development, Retreats, Sandie Lynch
Nature fascinates me. The perfection of it – with its amazing breath-taking scenic beauty, such as a morning sunrise or a sunset when the sun turns the clouds into a kaleidoscope of color, or the intense greenery that outlines a cool mountain stream.
Similarly, the human body also blows my mind with it’s amazing possibilities. Possibilities demonstrated by numerous individuals who have tested it past the imaginable; such as Ninja warriors, elite athletes, professional dancers, and meditators who control pain or blood flow.
I am none of these people but I am still amazed by how the body faithfully responds to our requests to change, learn, and heal. In my journey, what I have realized is that my body is a friend and not foe; even though there was a time when I would look into the mirror and hate the reflection starring back at me.
As I move through the second half of my life there is a passion within me to share the wisdom I have gained to love the skin I’m in. I call it living Well. Any one that knows me, knows that I love acronyms, and, to me, WELL stands for …
- W = Whole
- E = Energized
- L = Loving
- L = Life
I define Being Whole as a wellspring from within, where the body, heart, mind, and spirit work together in synergy for our greatest good. It begins with embracing hope for our best, and trusting that each day equips and moves us a little closer to our goal. It continues with believing there are no mistakes, just new opportunities to make a different choice. Each day we are a little wiser; no longer being the person we were yesterday because we have new knowledge, a new skill, a lesson learned on how to navigate toward our true ‘WELL’ self, and we do this in perfect divine timing. With this perspective, I AM whole for today and tomorrow I will be whole for tomorrow. We can lose our feeling of “wholeness” today when we focus on tomorrow. Embrace your wholeness today!
Getting Energized is recognizing the body is here to help, and not hinder, our journey. The body needs certain life nutrients to equip us. Many of us believe good nutrition, some exercise, and rest are essential for a healthy life. I have also come to believe having faith in the body’s design, it’s nature, is essential for transformation and living WELL. I have observed my body for 30 years, when I change my exercise, eat differently, or move in a new way, my body faithfully responds to every request; it can’t help but respond! Our body is constantly monitoring what we are asking it to do in order to provide us with the strength, power, or endurance we need for the task. For our bodies to provide this help, it lets us know what it needs to perform the request, such as more food, more training, more rest. Are you listening to the cues from your body? Are you asking it to move you to your best? If you are feeling uncomfortable in your body, are you listening to it or are you just telling it to get comfortable and accept where you are?
Loving-Life is about learning to see the world, and ourselves, through a lens of love. Focusing only on what is good, what is working, as well as being grateful for what we have, we celebrate the progress and success of others, and ourselves, no matter how small. Loving life asks us to focus on the positive, seeing every frustration, challenge, and maybe even failure as beneficial for moving us towards our best. Loving life requires us to avoid comparison when doing so robs our joy or self-confidence, but embracing it when it inspires us to try something new for our journey of living WELL!
I pray that you realize you, too, are on a journey of living WELL; it is not a destination that we reach yet this process is available for you to begin, or continue, today. I hope you will embrace it and be WELL!
If you would like support, guidance, or coaching on living WELL, please feel free to contact me for personal coaching. You may also register to attend the BE WELL Wholistic Woman Evening Retreat on July 27th, 2016, where we will be diving deeper into this philosophy, reviewing each essential nutrient for the body, and coaching the development of strategies to live WELL! I hope you decide to join us for a relaxing, educational, and fun evening retreat. Click here for details.
Today’s Author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age! Check out ATP Fitness to “Maximize” your 2016. Learn, practice, and embrace the strategies that will build Wholistic Wellbeing for life! Contact Sandie via email at [email protected]
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 15, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Courage, Personal Development, Retreats
“Are you ready?” the zip line instructor asked.
I found myself strapped in a harness equipped with huge metal cords and carabineers that suspended me from an industrial-sized cable somewhere above my head. My toes danced on the wooden platform below me and butterflies danced in my stomach, as the strong arm of the instructor steadied my swaying body.
I looked out ahead at the zip line course, which sloped down across the lake far below, and then rose up again over the land on the opposite side. Although I mainly felt the thrill of anticipatory excitement, there were some anxious thoughts swirling inside my helmeted head. What if something goes wrong? I asked myself, even though I knew I wasn’t willing to turn back.
As one of the leaders of a women’s weekend retreat, I was the last participant to experience the zip line ride. The rest of the women were now gathered at the other end of the line, ready to receive me. I had just witnessed my 80-year-old mother run the course. While I implicitly trusted the instructor and the equipment, I whispered a heartfelt prayer for Mom as she courageously stepped off the platform and went zipping across the lake. I have to admit that it was not an entirely selfless prayer; I have five siblings and I couldn’t help thinking, Dear God, please keep Mom safe. They will just kill me if anything happens to her! I felt a sense of relief as Mom made it safely to the other end of the line. She was met with cheers as several of the 30 women gathered there caught her in their arms and congratulated her.
My mother is an amazing person, and as she bravely overcame her fears that day, she inspired so many others to live life fully, regardless of their age. Now, it was my turn. With a deep breath I gave a nod to the instructor who then released his hold on me. I moved to the edge of the platform, stepped off into thin air, and began the thrill of the ride.
Feeling the initial free fall, and then the reassuring bounce of the cable as it held my weight, I sped forward on a fast descent toward the lake. The warm wind blew against my face, and the cable emitted a zipping sound above my head. The water seemed to be fast approaching and I prayed that I would not end up in it. What’s the worst that can happen? I thought to myself. I’ll just take a swim. Almost immediately I felt fear leave me.
Racing forward, I heard the cheers of the other women and I knew in that moment that I had found my freedom. At first tentatively, and then with confidence, I let go of my grip on the cord, flung my arms wide open, and embraced the world as I flew through the air. The exhilaration of the ride was matched only by the joy in my heart as I released my hold on fear and embraced a new way of being. Although I had placed my trust in that which was tangible -namely, the zip line equipment – I realized that my real security could be found in my faith.*
- I had faith that the equipment would function properly, and safely hold me.
- I had faith in the experience and expertise of the zip line instructor.
- I had faith in myself that I could step out of my comfort zone, be brave, and handle whatever would come of my decision to step off that platform, even if it meant taking a swim.
- Last, but not least, I had faith in a Higher Power who watches over me and takes care of me in all circumstances.
I learned about the freedom that comes when we trust ourselves, others, and God. This is a freedom that allows me take risks. A freedom that permits mistakes, as well as the opportunity to learn from my failures. A freedom that releases fear and embraces joy to live fully.
Where are you called to be braver and take a calculated risk?
What helps you to let go of your grip on fear and openly embrace whatever may come?
In the Wholistic Woman community we believe that stepping out of your comfort zone is an important element of being a woman-on-the-grow. Change/growth is usually uncomfortable because we are doing something new and unfamiliar. Accepting that discomfort is normal, and learning to be okay with it, will help us adopt the new perspectives and behaviors needed for lifelong learning.
Each year we offer a physical adventure retreat to experience stepping out of our comfort zones in a kinesthetic way. At this retreat women have the opportunity to…
- Ride a 600-foot zip line through the forest
- Climb a huge jungle gym called a static tower
- Do a “Leap of Faith” jump from the top of a telephone pole
…all while being safely harnessed and instructed by Ropes Course experts; guided by skilled life coaches; and cheered on by other women who are also stepping out of their comfort zones.
Women of all ages, shapes, sizes, and abilities join us to stretch and grow at the level that is right for them. In this supportive atmosphere they are encouraged to try one small step towards being braver…whatever that may be for them.
You’re invited to join us for this very special retreat on June 29th from 3- 8 pm at Upward Enterprises in Adamstown, Md. Afterwards, join us for a celebratory dinner at the Buckeystown Pub to share stories, lessons learned, and ways to apply your newfound courage to other areas of your life.
Click here to learn more about this opportunity to find a more Courageous You!
Space is limited. Register soon to reserve spots for you and your friends!
*(excerpted from Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith by Carol deLaski)
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a leadership coach, speaker, and author who specializes in developing the strengths of individuals and organizations. She is the Founder and CEO of Wholistic Woman Retreats which provides personal and professional development programs for women-on-the-grow. You may learn more about her at www.caroldelaski.com or email her directly at: [email protected] to have her work with you or your group.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 6, 2016 | Change, Family, Kelye Rouse-Brown, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
Today I feel a sense of fulfillment from completing a trip that I have longed to take over the past few years. I called it my Roots to Boots tour because my family roots are in Oklahoma and I needed my brave boots from Texas to make this particular journey.
Designing the trip was fun, yet filled with uncertainty because I didn’t know how it would unfold. I can’t remember the last time I took two whole weeks off to spend time with my mom’s family members that I haven’t seen in over a decade (and probably only ten times in my entire life).
As I planned the trip, some of the questions I asked myself were:
Will my mom’s side of the family remember me…and embrace this trip as I do?
What surprises will I encounter to make this trip more challenging or complete?
I’m happy to say that these questions were answered positively and that I experienced some pleasant surprises. This trip was bittersweet as I celebrated both the successful three year anniversary of my Texas joint venture and the anniversary of my mom’s passing.
After reflecting on this much anticipated journey, I can truthfully say that I am happier than I was three years ago. I am happier because….
- I’m celebrating a successful business milestone with greater opportunities on the horizon
- I have reconnected with my family in Oklahoma, closing a lengthy ten year gap.
- I brought my mom’s ashes back to her roots, where she started her life and felt complete
- My husband and I made this journey, and celebrated this labor of love, together.
Recognizing and embracing the process of becoming happier is a wonderful, and joyful, benefit of this Roots to Boots trip. Planning this adventure made me uncomfortable at times. However, I realized that I needed to be courageous, and step out into the world, to bring a deeper level of peace and healing into my life. The timing seemed perfect. In hindsight, I see that I not only boosted myself with this trip but (according to my husband) I also boosted my extended family by traveling back to our roots.
I truly believe that happiness boosters are important in life.
What boosts your happiness?
What happiness boosters are you willing to explore to bring needed closure and peace to your life?
Remember that becoming happier is a lifelong pursuit. I encourage you to discover ways to rejuvenate yourself to feel happier.
Do you want to learn more about becoming happier?
Ladies, you’re invited to the Be Happier Evening Retreat where I will be teaching techniques from the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar on April 27 at Jo Jo’s Restaurant from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and to register and reserve your spot. Make a friend happier and invite her to join you!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Mar 1, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
Which words in this quote stand out to you?
The word confidently resonates the most to me. As I read it, I imagine myself striding purposefully towards my personal and professional dreams. I am not lackadaisical or distracted, but rather I envision my head held high, arms swinging beside my body, and eyes focused ahead of me as I steadily move forward. I like this image!
To be honest, though, the poise and assurance of self-confidence can be elusive; sometimes I have it and sometimes I don’t.
Research shows that when we feel confident we are likely to exhibit some of these behaviors:
- We do what we believe is right, even if others mock or criticize us for it.
- We are willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve our goals.
- We admit our mistakes, and learn from them.
- We wait for others to congratulate us on our accomplishments.
- We accept compliments graciously, “Thanks, I really worked hard on that project. I’m pleased that you recognize my efforts.”
By contrast, when we lack confidence we frequently demonstrate these behaviors
- We choose our actions based on what other people think.
- We stay in our comfort zone, fear failure, and avoid taking risks.
- We work hard to cover up mistakes and hope that we can fix a problem before anyone notices it.
- We promote our own virtues as often as possible, to as many people as possible.
- We dismiss compliments offhandedly, “Oh that project was nothing, really, anyone could have done it.”
I’ve come to learn that self-confidence is really a balancing act.
There are 4 steps that each of us can adopt to be more confident.
Step 1: Know who you are. A healthy appreciation of what makes you unique is the foundation for self-confidence. It is important to know your strengths and values, and to be grounded in that which you have control over…namely, yourself.
Step 2: Manage your mental chatter. It is hard to know, love, and accept yourself in a world that encourages us to compare ourselves to others. Marketing companies want us to yearn for the product or service they’re selling; they intend for us to feel incomplete without it. We must guard against the onslaught of messages that imply we are not enough.
In addition, we have more information at our fingertips than ever before. It is easy to take a spectator seat, watching other people’s lives via social media and to compare ourselves to them. We can be drawn into thinking they are more attractive, smarter, luckier, and happier than we are. The truth is that we only see a small slice of the lives of others, and no one really knows another person’s reality. Comparing yourself to others and judging yourself as ‘less than’ is detrimental to knowing and accepting the unique individual that you are.
A sidekick to comparison is negative self-talk. The inner critic can run rampant in most of our minds and we must be intentional not to let it drag us down. Like tuning into a radio station, dial past the static of self-critical thoughts that deflate you, and tune into positive thinking. Managing your mental chatter will free up space, and energy, for step 3.
Step 3: Decide who you want to be. As you practice the first 2 steps of accepting yourself and focusing on the positive, you will be ready to decide how you want to be and what you want to do. What is your vision and dream for your work…and for your life overall? Once you have the vision, create small action steps to move you in the direction of your dream. We are meant to be a work-in-progress, so celebrate each step that you make and use it as a launch pad for the next step on your journey. Evolve into who you are called to be.
Step 4: Know your Team. While you pursue your work and life vision, know that you are not alone. There will be days when lack of confidence will rear its ugly head and you may experience some of the anxious behaviors listed above. Who can you count on to support you when you are fearful? Who will stand with you in the gap formed by self-doubt and remind you that you are still special and loved? Who believes in you even when you struggle to believe in yourself? Perhaps that person will remind you to circle around and begin steps 1 through 4 all over again. By practicing them faithfully and intentionally, you will notice how your confidence flourishes.
Let me know your thoughts on these steps to greater self-confidence by leaving a comment here or emailing me directly.
An invitation for women who want more information on this topic:
You’re invited to join me for the Wholistic Woman ‘Be Confident’ Evening Retreat on March 30th from 5:30-7:30 pm. These evening retreats are open to women in the Frederick area who are interested in personal and professional development in a supportive, fun, and friendly environment. Click here for the workshop description and/or to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski (PCC) is a professional certified coach, speaker, and author who specializes in strengths development for businesses and individuals. Her coaching book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith is a springboard to develop inner wisdom and resilience. Visit her website or send an email with your comments or to arrange for a free consultation.
www.Caroldelaski.com | [email protected]
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