by Carol deLaski | Jan 29, 2014 | Guest Blogging
Many times this past year I felt as if I was back on the Jersey shore as a child, playing in the surf, as one wave after another knocked me down. In those bygone days, either a parent or other trusted relative had me by the hand to prevent me from washing out to sea. I would come up from the surf thrashing….with sand plastered all over me and salt water stinging my eyes, but not yet ready to go rest on the beach blanket. The blanket was the safe place where I could sit and catch my breath and recharge…. with maybe a peanut butter sandwich and a Yoo-hoo…. before heading back to the waves.
It’s been quite a year and the best way to summarize it is with my one word: Journey. At first I had a difficult time discerning what my word should be, and finally it was with due process and patience that the word actually chose me. Interestingly, about the same time that word came to me, I downloaded a beach picture as a screen saver with the reassuring words from Jeremiah 29:11; “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Although the word journey was not a part of this Scripture, I found this quote referenced frequently with my word throughout this past year.
My journey this past year has led me to be a support person for family and friends having major health issues. A role which led me to travel on their journey with them…. and many had very difficult waves to endure indeed.
Last spring, my father, who lives in Raleigh, suffered a heart attack at about the same time a dear friend from high school who lives in Baltimore underwent brain surgery for an AVM. For several weeks in the spring and early summer I spent time visiting each of them as they recovered.
At the end of May I received a phone call that a college friend’s son committed suicide just weeks before his high school graduation. There is a group of us from college that are all still very close and so we journeyed together to NJ to support my friend and her family and each other in this time of overwhelming grief. It wasn’t a week after returning from this sad occasion that my son and his wife, who had been living 12 miles from us in Maryland, announced that they were going to move back to Colorado, a new journey of their own. And it was only a week later again that my heart completely unzipped when my sister Donna in NJ called to tell me that after being in remission with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma for 10 years, her cancer had come back with a vengeance. Enough of the waves now…I was ready to head back to the beach blanket.
For the next seven months, Donna underwent chemotherapy treatments that culminated in a stem cell transplant at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City this past December. We were grateful for the excellent medical staff attending to my sister, and for the opportunity to be treated in our country’s top hospital for her type of cancer. Friends, family, faith communities, and of course doctors and nurses, all became part of a team of support for Donna. Our other sister, Susan, as well as Donna’s husband and children and in-laws, were there every step of the way. We witnessed growth in all of our children, who as young adults gladly stepped in whenever needed with support for their aunt, uncle, and cousins. Journeys intersected and roads were travelled together.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, we were all still able to laugh and find times to be silly. When a make-up class was cancelled that Donna was supposed to go to for cancer patients (she wanted to learn how to draw on eyebrows because she had lost them during chemotherapy), we happened to find fake mustaches at a Halloween display. We cut them into eyebrows and put them on, took “selfies”, and then texted the pictures to our kids and friends. Donna’s positive attitude was infectious and the family members, friends, and medical staff who accompanied her on this journey were provided the opportunity to watch her quietly and courageously take one day at a time, and to savor time she spent with loved ones.
Journeys continued to intersect and fellow travelers supported me when I was back at home. This support came in the form of a carefree summer day’s float down the Shenandoah river in tubes with good friends on my birthday, an unplanned week at the beach, the prayer ministry at our church knitting a prayer shawl for me to take to Donna, quiet summer nights on my back deck watching the fireflies dance in the yard, funny text messages, cards, notes, hugs, listening to my favorite music, and lots and lots of prayer support. I learned to receive these moments along the way, big or small, and to soak them in.
My growth this year was in looking for and receiving the help that came my way when I thought that I would no longer be able to stand up in the pounding surf, and observing loved ones doing the same. Blanket retreat is okay; we all need it sometimes to catch our breath, it is part of the journey. And that hand that has mine now, the one that keeps me from going under when the waves are coming fast and furious,belongs to God. He provides me with His presence on my course in life. He also provides fellow travelers to share my journey with; supporting each other when the waves become challenging and resting on the blanket of His care when needed.
Today’s author: Linda Brennan resides in Middletown and is a member of the Wholistic Woman’s Community. Her sister Donna is recovering remarkably well in NJ and hopes to attend the Wholistic Woman’s Retreat this March.
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 22, 2014 | Business, Carol deLaski, Success
What can be the impact of using one theme word for an entire year?
Now that I’ve used, One Word to Change Your Life, with clients, family, and friends for most of 2013, I’ve heard a variety of stories that answer just that question.
For those of you unfamiliar with this approach, the purpose of One Word is to create greater focus as we work, make decisions, and live fulfilling lives.
Different from resolutions or goal setting, One Word is simple, easy to remember, and yet powerful when applied regularly. Using a theme word as a lens throughout the year helps you gain new perspectives and empower you to live a more meaningful life based on your values.
A key component to the One Word process is that you receive it rather than choose it. Listening with your heart, and quieting your mind, your word will come to you from the universe, God, or whatever you call the spiritual energy which exists beyond you.
How do you know when you have your word? Trust your inner knowing and be open to confirmation coming from unexpected sources such as a song on the radio, a flyer in the mail, a street sign, or billboard.
One woman received the word Breathe and wrote to me, “I prayed for a sign that I had the right word and a few days later I was listening to a new radio station when I heard a song that I liked. When I checked to see who it was, the band’s name was ‘Need to Breathe’. I said to myself, Wow, and was thankful for the sign.”
Another wrote that she thought her word was Shepherd yet she doubted it. “I was like, ‘really?’ and so I prayed again, “Give me just one more sign so that I know for sure. While waiting at a stop light on my way to an appointment, I noticed that the lamp posts nearby looked like shepherd hooks. Right at that same moment, the radio station that I listen to played a song about Moses and I knew it was my word. What a sense of humor God has!”
Not all words are faith-based. Other words shared with me this year are:
Observe – this woman used it to notice her husband, children, and friends more to see what they needed, how she could help them, and to simply increase her awareness of what was going on around her.
Surrender – this man used his word to recognize when to delegate and share responsibilities with others. The word is helping him release the driving need to do it all himself and provides a new balanced perspective about teamwork.
Discipline – this woman used her word to focus on her health and children as well as her personal and professional life. It was the antidote for the chaotic feelings that busyness often brought to her life.
Important – this word reminded a young woman to regularly ask herself what’s important. “It helps me to make better, solid decisions.” She feels good about the path she is on as a result of often asking herself, “Is this important?”
I’ve seen a great variety of words used such as: Light, Ask, Journey, Plans, Open, Acceptance, Change, and more. The words Courage and Trust are frequent choices. Each word has helped the individual stretch and grow with a special purpose and meaning that none of us could anticipate when we started. That’s been part of the surprise…. and the impact of this tool.
For myself, I am transitioning away from my word for 2013, Believe, and preparing to receive a new word for 2014. I’ve struggled with my word, at times this year, whenever it uncomfortably spotlighted areas of my unbelief. Yet I have grown fond of it nonetheless and feel a bit reticent to release it.
In a conversation at a dinner party recently I realized that the word is a part of me now and will continue to guide me. This surprisingly deep discussion with a new acquaintance was about spirituality. He shared with me that he’s not religious and doesn’t know what he believes spiritually. As I asked him a series of thought-provoking questions he gained the awareness that his belief in something bigger than himself typically occurs in three situations:
- when he’s in nature and witnesses great beauty
- when synchronistic events occur and he knows that it happened for a reason
- and the last one was a bit humorous…when taking a test! Almost without thinking he praised the Lord when he recently received a good grade on a professional competency test. As he told me about it I was reminded of the old adage that there are no atheists in foxholes (or in classrooms). We both laughed as he found these insights into his own beliefs in this brief exchange.
As for me, I’m glad to know that the word Believe is an integral part of me now and will always be a lens through which I experience life and encourage others. I’m especially looking forward to see its ongoing impact as I publish my book Lost and Found in 2014. I’m curious to see the ripples that it will send out into the world and believe that it will be good. With confidence I can now look forward to a new year, a new word, and new growth.
What word are you receiving for 2014?
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a certified coach and author who will be presenting a workshop “Create Focus and Success with One Word” on January 23rd. If you are curious to learn more about this powerful tool and how to use it with teams, organizations, or individually go to www.caroldelaski.com for details and to pre-register. This workshop is sponsored by Frederick County Society for HR Management and is open to the public.
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 10, 2014 | Laura Hall
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”-Lewis Carroll
We are now about half way through the first month of 2014. I’m curious, have you thought about what you would like your life you look like in 2014? Do you know what direction you are headed in this year?
As a life coach, I believe it’s important to know where you want to go, because as the quote above reminds us, if you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.
But, how do you know where you want to go? Often in my life, I feel confused about where I want to go. My life sometimes feels like a giant vacation to Disneyworld and I can’t decide if I want to start at the Magic Kingdom or Animal Kingdom. So let’s say I choose Magic Kingdom, then that opens up more options…Where do we want to eat? Cinderella’s Royal Table?…The Crystal Palace?…Liberty Square Market?…The chioces can feel endless. Next comes the decision about what rides to ride. Do we want to start Space Mountain or It’s a Small World? Dumbo or the Tea Cups? Hopefully by now you get the point. Knowing where we want to go in life can frequently feel overwhelming and confusing.
So, to clear things up a little, I’d like to offer you 3 helpful steps you can use to design a 2014 of your choosing.
- Look back – For this step, I actually pull out my calendar as well as the pictures that I took over the last year. While I’m looking at where I’ve been, I am asking myself the questions:
- What worked for me last year that I want to carry with me into the coming year?
- What didn’t work that I want to let go of?
- What achievement and/or milestones did I reach?
- What goals did I set for myself that I didn’t reach?
- Look forward – I remember reading Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” many years ago, and the habit I use during this step is: Begin with the end in mind. I imagine myself during the first week of January a year from now and ask myself the following questions:
- What needs to happen this year in order for me to feel like I’ve had a successful year?
- Who do I want to be by the end of 2014? What character traits are important for me to develop or nurture?
- What changes do I want to make?
- Get into action – this step is about getting my ideas off paper and into the real world. This is where I set goals, tell my friends and family about what I hope to do in 2014 and who I hope to be, so they can help hold me accountable. I also pull out my calendar and start scheduling the things that are going to help steer me in the right direction.
As a recovering perfectionist, I find it necessary to remind myself that it’s about progress, not perfection. The value of setting goals and looking toward the future is in using it as a guiding star, not necessarily always reaching that destination. Life has been known to knock me off my planned path a time or two and what I’ve noticed is that 9 times out of 10 it was a course correction in a direction that was actually better for me! I do trust that my life is divinely guided! And even more important than what I am doing and how many things I am accomplishing, is who I am being in the process.
If you’d like to map out a plan for your 2014, I invite you to join me at Wholistic Woman Retreats first “retreat” of 2014. Our theme for the year is “Be Serene in 2014” and our first event is an evening workshop at Holly Hills Country Club in Ijamsville,MD on January 22nd titled, “Creating Your Vision for 2014”. For details click here! Don’t delay as the registration deadline is just a few days away on January 15th! Hope to see you there, and here’s to a serene 2014!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 11, 2013 | Laura Hall
“Go 24 hours without complaining. (Not even once.) Then watch how your life starts changing”
I saw this on Facebook the other day and it really struck a chord with me. You see, I believe that complaining has become a habit for many of us, and Iike most habits I think that it is probably easier to see complaining in other people than in ourselves.
Elizabeth Scott, MS writes in her article titled, “Why Do We Complain? And When Should We Stop?”, that there are several reasons why we are prone to complaining. One reason is the need to vent. When I think of venting, I think of the bottle of seltzer water I drink on a regular basis. When I unscrew the cap, there is an immediate release of pressure and then it is over. (Unless the bottle gets shaken up again) If you are venting, that’s great and will feel an immediate sense of relief, but if you are just complaining to complain, that’s a bad habit and I think for most of us, its a habit to complain.
According to Elizabeth, another reason we complain is because validation feels good. We all want to feel normal, and it feels good to hear someone else say, “Yeah, I know, I’d be upset too if that happened to me”.
She goes on to list several more reasons why we complain, including that complaining to others opens us up to solutions from others and may give us another perspective, and that complaining gets things done (I’m personally thinking about my husband here and how that can be true about when I complain about things like the trash needing to be taken out).
So while we may have good reasons for why we complain, the question I’ve been asking myself is, “What’s the cost of complaining?”. And that brings me back to the challenge posted on FB. One way we can find out the cost of something is to stop doing it and see what comes to us as a result. 24 hours without complaining…Since I’m generally a positive person and I don’t think I complain much to begin with, 24 hours seems relatively easy for me. I’m going to try a week without complaining. Today is Wednesday December 11th, 2013 and I am committing to myself, with you all as my witnesses, to go 1 week without complaining. So if you run into me in the next week and you hear me complaining, please remind me of my commitment. I’d love to have some company on this journey into non-complainingdom (yes, I made up that word). Who wants to join me? How long would you like to try not complaining? Let’s see how our lives will change 🙂 Maybe we will start a trend!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 4, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Change, Family, Holidays, Personal Development
What do you anticipate at this time of year? Amid the hustle and bustle of preparing for the holidays, what are the experiences that will make you pause and savor the moments? It’s easy to become so preoccupied with our to-do lists that we overlook or brush past those precious times of connection, laughter, and joy. Don’t miss it!
Perhaps you are like me and find yourself anticipating the look on someone’s face when you give them a gift that you’ve thoughtfully selected for them. For me, it will be giving the ‘Elf on the Shelf’ to my six-year-old granddaughter.
Shopping isn’t one of my favorite things to do, but when it comes to shopping for the children in my life, I must admit that I have trouble restraining myself. It happened recently when I was in a store and saw this whimsical elf on display. It caught my eye and brought a smile to my face, and I knew in an instant that it would have the same effect on my granddaughter. As I write this, I can picture her eager face as she enjoys the challenge of this game, which is to find the hidden elf in her home each day leading up to Christmas.
Looking forward to spending time together fills my heart with anticipation even more than gift giving does. This year, in addition to the Elf on the Shelf, I plan to make a gingerbread house with my granddaughter. I can picture her enthusiastic bright eyes as we put the puzzle pieces of the house together, sticky fingers being licked, gumdrops being carefully placed, and the feeling of her slender arms wrapped around my neck in a hug hold, as we survey the masterpiece we have created together. It doesn’t really matter how the gingerbread house looks. The joy is in those moments of fun, creativity, and connection as a new memory is being made. Who knows…perhaps it will even become a tradition.
The way in which holiday traditions form is an interesting phenomenon. There is comfort found in the routines which link one holiday to another; year in and year out. As a child, I remember wanting to hang a certain mistletoe ornament in the same place every year when we decorated our home. There was something very satisfying about recreating the atmosphere in which our family celebrated together.
As an adult, however, I was caught off guard when my children declared traditions had been started simply because we did something two years in a row. I realized that I needed to be mindful of what activities I repeated, since I never knew which ones they would take to heart and want to repeat annually! My sons had a strong desire to create our family’s unique traditions, many of which continue now that they are young adults. They can easily tell you the kind of tree we get, the cookies we bake, the way we open gifts, and what we eat on Christmas morning. It’s not so much what we do but that we do it together that matters. Our hearts are warmed when we both anticipate and perform our family’s rituals.
There is a flip side, however, to the happiness that traditions can invoke. During difficult years of upheaval and change, traditions may need to be altered. In my lifetime, separation and divorce dictated that we couldn’t continue certain ways of doing things. This occurred when my sons were young teenagers, and I remember how important it was to ask them what traditions they wanted to keep as our family went through this change. It was interesting to learn which ones no longer mattered to them. Having a say in the changes helped my children tremendously in adapting to new situations. My older son, Patrick, could care less about outdoor decorations, but my younger son, Ben, really enjoyed them. So a new tradition was formed that Ben and I became the two family members that decorated the outside of our home each year. Patrick loved a freshly cut tree, but instead of going to the farm and cutting it down ourselves, we adjusted to buying one from the Boy Scouts. Adaptations to our traditions were made, and we even formed new ones as our family evolved as a trio.
Knowing how and when to change traditions is as important as being aware of how and when they form. A dear friend of mine lost her mother to cancer this year. This will be her first Christmas without her mom, who was also her best friend. I admire how she has thoughtfully decided where she wants to be on this holiday, and with whom she wants to spend it. She knows that she will miss her mom no matter where she is, but she feels that being somewhere that her mom loved, and with the people her mom loved, will help her to connect with the spirit of the woman she longs for. Adapting her family traditions this year is what she needs to do to manage her sense of loss and grief.
Changing traditions can cause distress within families, particularly when everyone may not agree about those changes. Ultimately, we must each decide for ourselves what we need to create the comfort and connection that our hearts desire. No one knows better than you what will satisfy you to your core. Even if others don’t agree with your choices, I encourage you to persevere and choose the experiences and moments that will fill and overflow your heart with love.
Because a heart full of love is ultimately what this season of the year is all about. Love came down at Christmas and continues to come to us in many forms. My wish for you is that you will feel the light of love in your life as you capture the special moments this season has to offer.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a life leadership coach, author, and speaker. You may contact her at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Nov 27, 2013 | Fitness, Health, Nutrition, Sandie Lynch
Thanksgiving is a great opportunity to spend time with friends and family and take time to express gratitude for our blessings. This practice of celebrating for blessings has existed since our creation and was encouraged by our creator. These festivals would last for days and sometimes even a month. Celebration in gratefulness is always a great practice to focus on what is good in our lives and minimize those situations that frustrate or discourage.
With that said, one source of stress is the very fact that Thanksgiving and the holidays always seem to be celebrating with LOTS of delicious foods that are tempting for those who are striving to obtain or maintain a healthy lifestyle. The challenge is the ability to participate and enjoy the foods without feeling like we blown the bank and/or trigger going back into old habits. Some researchers have estimated that the typical Turkey dinner with all the trimmings can provide 3500 to 5000 calories. This is not including any other foods or appetizers prior to the meal.
Another concern is that after consuming such a large meal our activities are usually sedentary; sitting on the couch watching football or lying down to take a nap because of the “food comma” that follows. This could lead to gaining about ½ pound or more. Now that doesn’t sound like much but when it takes the average person 7 days to lose ½ pound it could lead us to feel stuck in the scenario; “Two steps forward, one step back.” Another aspect to consider is biochemical analysis has discovered our activity following a meal can impact how that food is used and stored. For example, when we are sedentary after a meal in excess of our needs we are more likely to store fat, but when we are active after the meal, like taking a walk, our food is used for energy instead.
The question lies, how can we get through Thanksgiving and the Holidays without gaining extra fat and frustration by the very foods we are celebrating with?
Here are a few strategies to consider or maybe try some of your own.
- Set up the Meal Buffet Style separate from sitting. Eating family style with the bowls of food sitting in front of us increase the likeliness of second servings without thinking. When we have to make the conscious decision to get up for that second helping we may find we don’t really want it and decide against it.
- Don’t deprive yourself of your favorite foods. Studies show that when we do, it usually triggers us to over eat later when our will power is low. Go ahead and enjoy, just make the portions smaller.
- Use smaller plates. We tend to eat 30% more food if given a larger plates or bowls. Therefore, set out smaller plates for the meal; try 9 ½ inch plates verses the typical 11 ½. You may even consider doing this on a regular basis as part of your healthy lifestyle.
- Drink plenty of water. The Thanksgiving meal is usually high in carbohydrates and carbohydrates need water to metabolize. Therefore, drinking water helps the body be more efficient. Also, water can help wash out flavors from your mouth that are “calling you” to get more.
- Engage in fun activities that require movement using the meal for energy. Play a game of Wii, or a game of touch football in the yard, or maybe take a walk. Even just getting up and moving during commercials can help use that food.
- Laugh! Tell stories or play games that are silly such as Pictionary or Charades. As I shared in my blog: Laughter is Incredibly Good Medicine laughing 100 times is equivalent to 10 minutes on a rowing machine or 15 minutes on the stationary bicycle.
- Embrace Balance. Don’t be discouraged if the Thanksgiving meal leaves you feeling like a sack of potatoes. One meal does not need to be the trigger to sabotage your wellness goals throughout the holidays. Remember that every meal is an opportunity to balance the ones not in alignment with your goals. Don’t sweat it or beat yourself up, just balance it, for this is truly the path of living a balanced life of “Wholistic Wellbeing!
Summary: Thanksgiving and the Holidays are a time of celebration and fun. Choose to embrace strategies that create balance in self-care, health, and overall Wholistic Wellbeing. Finding steadfast balance is only done after learning to stay standing on shaking ground. For when we embrace balance to feel our best and live our best life. Celebrate, Enjoy, Balance, and Thrive!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, Personal Development Coach and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sandie provides private coaching and group fitness classes sharing 5 Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
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by Carol deLaski | Nov 6, 2013 | Business, Carol deLaski, Family
Have you ever noticed that sometimes the words ‘thank you’ just aren’t enough?
At times those two special words fall short of encompassing the depth of the emotions that we feel. They suffice for simple acts of courtesy and thoughtfulness, but seem insufficient when thanking someone for helping you through a life-altering experience. Those people who help us navigate major crossroads in our lives are special indeed. In my opinion, these game-changers deserve a deeper, more meaningful, expression of gratitude, but such feelings are sometimes hard to convey.
Think about it. Is there someone you’ve always wanted to thank for having pointed you in a new direction or provided guidance or support during a time of great change? It may be a teacher, coach, parent, grandparent, or even a boss, which was the case for me.
There was a manager early in my career who had made a lasting impact on my life, yet I didn’t know how to find her to thank her. Our lives had gone in different directions many years ago and we had lost touch. Then, just recently at a work reunion I found myself standing unknowingly beside her. I heard someone say, “Suzanne”, and I turned to glance at the name badge of the woman next to me and looked fully into the face of the woman I had been carrying a burning desire to thank for the last twenty-some years. A moment of simultaneous recognition occurred as she glanced at my name badge and we exclaimed our mutual surprise. I told her that I had longed for this chance to thank her. I wanted her to know that a decision she made, and a choice she gave me, created an opportunity that took my life in a new and wonderful direction. It impacted both my family and me profoundly, and I told her how incredibly grateful I have been over the passing years. The words thank you seemed inadequate to express the deep appreciation I felt towards Suzanne. Interestingly, she was unaware of the impact she had had on my life, which made this encounter all the more meaningful and sweet. We recalled our bonding experience……..
In 1986, we were working together on M Street in Washington, DC for a telecommunications company that had developed the first public email system. At that time, email was largely unheard of and this new technology drew people who were pioneers; innovative and capable of thinking ‘outside of the box’. It was an exciting time to work among so many creative individuals.
I was a 27-year-old young professional commuting to DC daily on the Metro from Rockville, where I lived with my husband at the time. The commute itself was memorable because I went into labor one day while en-route to work when I was pregnant with our first child. It was two weeks prior to my due date and I was in the final stages of wrapping up work projects as I prepared for maternity leave. I realized that my labor had begun on the metro and went immediately to Suzanne after walking to the office. I saw the quizzical expression on her face as I hesitantly told her that I desperately needed to leave, even though I had just arrived at work. Her face changed from curiosity to alarm as the dawning realization registered that she had a woman in labor in her office. Unsure of what to do, she quickly called for help from fellow co-workers (relying especially on the wisdom of those who were mothers) and devised a plan to get me to a nearby hospital.
Once at the hospital, everything went smoothly and our son Patrick was born that evening. It’s safe to say that becoming a mother has been one of the most meaningful experiences of my life. I fell deeply in love with my newborn son and basked in the time I had with him at home in those first weeks of his life. We were challenged by colic,yet even that difficulty didn’t affect a growing conviction in me that I wanted more time at home with him. Near the end of my maternity leave, I visited my office with Patrick, who was practically a celebrity there. Babies at work were always a pleasant distraction, but Suzanne and my co-workers were especially enthralled with Patrick, given the part they had played in his arrival into the world.
During that visit, I found the courage to ask Suzanne the burning question on my heart. I told her how meaningful it was to be at home with my baby, and asked if I could extend my maternity leave by working from home for three more months. At that time, telecommuting was unheard of and my request was completely out of the norm. Suzanne gave me that quizzical expression again, but this time she knew what she wanted to do. She said with conviction, “Carol, I believe that in these times companies need to make concessions for women as they raise their families. I’d like to help make that happen for you.” Her confident answer gave me an initial surge of hope, which then deflated somewhat as she went onto explain that she would have to get approval from upper management. She said if it was up to her, she would do it for me in an instant, but it wasn’t her decision to make. I went home encouraged that I had someone within the company advocating for me,and I prepared to wait and see what would be the result of my asking for what I truly wanted. It was a brave new idea and neither Suzanne nor I knew where it would lead.
Coincidentally enough, Suzanne’s boss at the time, Leslie, was now standing beside us at the reunion. Leslie laughed as we recalled the story and remembered that her initial response to the idea of me working from home was an emphatic ‘no!’ She had reasonable doubts at the time; questioning how they would know the quantity and quality of my work. In the face of her resistance, Suzanne and I came up with measureable work assignments, reporting methods, and a commitment on my part to come into the office once a week. Despite Leslie’s overall reluctance, Suzanne persisted in advocating for my cause, even taking the discussion to happy hour at the local hot spot that Leslie and other managers had frequented at the time. With such focused effort, Suzanne eventually won the approval needed to allow me to work from home for another three months.
The endeavor was so successful that after three months my petition to extend my working from home was easily approved. I continued to work from home for six years while raising both Patrick and our next son, Ben. The independent work experience gave me the confidence to become a telecom contractor for the following nineteen years and set me up for success when I began a second career as an entrepreneurial coach. Working from home, quite simply, changed my life.
The decision Suzanne had made to advocate for me had not only changed my life (and the lives of my children) but it set a precedent that rippled and impacted other lives. My venture into being one of the first telecommuters was so successful that management easily approved telecommuting for other new working mothers in following years.
Our recollections at the reunion were made even sweeter as I shared that Patrick was now 27 years old (interestingly, the same age I was when the original encounter with Suzanne had occurred). Suzanne received this news with genuine happiness and a nod of acknowledgement to the bittersweet passage of time.
Leslie pulled me aside later to thank me for relating the story of how their decisions had impacted my life. She shared that Suzanne hadn’t wanted to come to the reunion, and Leslie had gone to great efforts to get her there. I’m glad she did because my heart is now more peaceful knowing that I have thanked the woman who gave me the opportunity to define my own balance between mothering and working. The door Suzanne opened for me led to a path that brought substantial and overwhelming meaning to my life, and I genuinely thank her from the depths of my heart.
As you consider this story…
Who do you want to thank for giving you an opportunity?
How has your life been changed by someone who supported you?
And what will you do with that information?
I encourage you to look for ways to express your gratitude this month and welcome hearing your stories. Write to me at [email protected].
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a certified leadership coach, author, and speaker. At her monthly Breakthrough Workshops in November she will teach a 7 level tool to communicate more effectively. For more information and registration details on Communication That Makes a Difference click here
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 30, 2013 | Laura Hall
Do you ever feel like you are holding yourself back? I know I do! One of the areas I hold myself back in is in my blog writing. I hold myself back with my perfectionism tendencies. Every time I sit down to blog, I put pressure on myself to make it be something inspiring, thought provoking, Wholistic Woman worthy….but what is that really? What would it be like if I gave myself permission for my blog to be less than perfect?
I recently started an eCourse on the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Bréne Brown. My first assignment with the course was a creative journaling exercise around permission. The question posed was, “What kind of permission do you need to give yourself to do the work required for wholehearted living?”. The assignment was to design a permission slip which answered this question. Here is what I came up with:
In this exercise I gave my self permission to:
- Make mistakes
- Embarrass myself
- Start over – moment by moment
- Be “Self” centered
- Play by my own rules
- Teach AND learn
- Unfold
- Get rid of what is no longer serving me
- Not know the answers
- Be inspired by others
- Experiment
- Ask for help
- Grow where I’m planted
- Be a work in progress
I’ve been living this week with this permission slip metaphorically in my back pocket. What I’ve noticed is that I’m more willing to take risks. I’ve been reaching out to people whom I’ve wanted to have difficult conversations with but was afraid to. I’ve allowed myself to cry in front of a group where normally I would have tried to hold it all together. I’ve been a better listener. I’ve been kinder to myself, and I’ve experienced more peace. And, my blog was easier to write 🙂
So, my question to you is, what do you need to give yourself permission for? Don’t filter your answer. What’s the first thing that pops in you head? Please leave your answer in the comment section.
Now, I challenge you to put it on paper in some way. It could be as simple as writing your permissions on a piece of paper, or you may want to get more creative. Either way, take the time this week to practice allowing that in your life and just notice what changes. Go have fun with this, you have my permission!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 23, 2013 | Health, Sandie Lynch
“What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul.” ~Yiddish Proverb
Do you like to laugh? How often do you laugh a day? How much you laugh could have a huge impact on your health.
People who know me will say they can tell when I am present, before they ever see me, when they hear me laugh. I must confess, I absolutely love to laugh and look for any opportunity to do so. I think I was born to laugh because throughout my years I can remember people laughing because I was laughing. My mother said I sounded like Woody Woodpecker (a laughing woodpecker cartoon back in the 60’s) when I was small and in high school I was in the year book for “funniest laugh.” Some would also say the loudest as well because I have never been able to keep my laughter quiet; except maybe when I was smaller and my Dad would pick on me in church and I knew I would get in trouble with Mom, but anyone looking at me knew what was going on because I would be bouncing off the pew trying to hold it back. Later in high school, I once was sent out of my history class because I was laughing so uncontrollably the teacher felt I was disrupting the class. I missed the whole class because I couldn’t stop. Most of the time, I find I am either laughing at myself or with others who can laugh at life.
The reason I share this, is if you are like me, you will have fewer illnesses and stress in your life when including laughter on a daily basis. If laughter is not something you do often, I encourage you to find opportunities to do it as often as possible because the benefits are incredible. During a recent research review for my weekly ATP fitness program for ways to lower stress, I discovered this unbelievable list of positive health benefits. Laughter does the following….
- Boost immunity by decreasing the stress hormones cortisol and epinephrine
- Increases levels of natural killer (NK) cell activity (this is a good thing) NK cells are a type of white blood cell that attacks cancer tumors and cells infected by viruses such as HIV
- Improves blood pressure by relaxing the blood vessel wall (endothelium) therefore increasing vascular blood flow and oxygenation
- Improves inhalation due to the deep breathing, this clears the airways and increases oxygen intake
- Improves blood glucose levels in individuals with type 2 diabetes, researchers are not sure if this is due to increased expenditure or stimulation of the neuroendocrine system preventing glucose spikes
- Relieves pain by releasing endorphins this relaxes the muscles especially for spastic muscle pain
- Reduces feelings of fear, anxiety, anger, and aggression making light of a bad situation
- Makes bonding with others easier by cutting the tension especially with strangers, it is a universal communication among cultures
- Stimulates organs and aids in digestion, reduces symptoms related to irritable bowel syndrome and diverticulosis
- Boosts immunity by increasing level of salivary immunoglobulin A (IgA) an antibody that fights bacteria and infections especially in the respiratory system, also increases Lymphocytes B and T cells which also fight infections, viruses, and manage immune responses
Researchers have also discovered that laughing a 100 times is equivalent to 10 minutes on a rowing machine or 15 minutes on the stationary bicycle. Now that is something to laugh about! So laugh it up ladies and seek social interaction; we are 30% more likely to laugh with others.
Summary: Laughter is Good Medicine! We were designed perfectly with everything we need to live within this stressful world. During stressful times remember this list, call a friend, and allow laughter to fill your days! Let laughter and your body provide you with what you need to get through any situation no matter how difficult.
An inspirational encouragement….
Proverbs 17-22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Here are some things to ponder….
1. What activities make me laugh?
2. Who are the people that increase my chances of laughing?
3. What can I do to add more laughter to my day?
Would love to hear what makes you laugh or have you share funny pictures or videos with our “Wholistic” community!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, Personal Development Coach and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sandie provides private coaching and group fitness classes sharing 5 Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 2, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development
As I reflect on the wonderful Heart Centered Leadership retreat hosted by the Wholistic Coaching Coalition last week, I am filled with gratitude. Each time this community comes together there is a buzz of genuine connection that creates an uplifting energy which sustains me long after we part ways. There are hugs, laughter, and sincere interactions of interest and concern. This occurs whether women are meeting for the first time or reconnecting.
What creates the fertile soil for this garden of women-on-the-grow; women who are embracing self-development to improve their professional and personal lives? I believe this environment is grounded in four fundamental coaching principles that seed and nurture the Wholistic Woman Community.
The Community practices non-judgment. In so many areas of our lives women are encouraged to compare themselves to others, whether that “other” is someone in the media, someone in the office, or someone in our families. In this community, however, no one is being compared to anyone else. Acceptance occurs for who you are and where you are in your life, and acknowledgement for being open to lifelong learning.
We also practice respect. We see and appreciate every woman’s unique strengths, and we encourage one another to use these strengths in an ever-more intentional manner. Moreover, we respect the process of growth, and trust that each of us will take away what is most important for ourselves from the new information being offered. We don’t ‘should’ on one another, telling each other what to do or dictating our opinions. We stay focused on our own growth while allowing others to discover their own insights.
Another crucial practice is listening deeply to what is being said as well as to what is left unsaid. Intuitive listening is a skill that the coaches of this community have invested significant energy to master. The more time women spend in this community, the more they develop the skill themselves. In this busy world it is becoming more and more unusual to have occasions of deep connection with ourselves and with others. We are bombarded with an almost continuous stream of information and opportunities to connect via various technologies. The Wholistic Woman events allow for in-person connections where we are able to make eye contact, focus on what is being said, and let go of distractions to allow for more fulfilling interactions. The result is that we feel uplifted rather than depleted.
Each of these coaching practices of non-judgment, respect, and deep listening contribute to create an overall positive environment for self-discovery. Consciously using these practices we develop trust that leads to the final, important, practice: finding and using our voices. This safe space for sharing allows women to get out of our own heads and risk telling others what our challenges are, and what insights are being learned as we approach our own growing edge. This edge is the place where we are mentally, physically, spiritually, or emotionally stretching, experimenting, and discovering new truths or ways of being. The coaches model continual growth and encourage like-minded women to do the same.
After co-hosting five retreats and other assorted events, I can easily say that these are the qualities that make the Wholistic Woman Community uniquely special. I encourage you to find a way to stay connected to this community so that you will reap the benefits throughout the year. Choose a coach to work with, attend a workshop, or become a member and be involved in this dynamic, stretching, garden of blossoming women.
You will also find these coaching qualities practiced monthly at the Breakthrough Workshops. This month’s topic is “Find Out What’s Holding You Back” and will be offered at two times: an evening workshop for men and women on Tuesday, October 15th from 5:30-7:00 PM, and a morning workshop for women on Wednesday, October 16th from 8:00-9:30 AM. I invite you to join me to learn four effective strategies to break free and begin moving forward to reach your goals. Click here for details or to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a certified leadership coach, author, and speaker. You may contact her at [email protected] or 301-371-7460.
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Despite the seriousness of the situation, we were all still able to laugh and find times to be silly. When a make-up class was cancelled that Donna was supposed to go to for cancer patients (she wanted to learn how to draw on eyebrows because she had lost them during chemotherapy), we happened to find fake mustaches at a Halloween display. We cut them into eyebrows and put them on, took “selfies”, and then texted the pictures to our kids and friends. Donna’s positive attitude was infectious and the family members, friends, and medical staff who accompanied her on this journey were provided the opportunity to watch her quietly and courageously take one day at a time, and to savor time she spent with loved ones.
