by Carol deLaski | Apr 21, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging, Jane Helm
Confidence is a work in practice—after all, practice makes perfect, right? As a new entrepreneur I am working on my confidence every day. Having taken the leap into a world of self-reliance and exercising my new muscles of courage, I find myself building confidence in the same way I have done during earlier challenges I have faced.
One pivotal lesson I learned in building confidence was when I started taking ballet. By all standards, I had started late in life. I was twelve. Most of the girls in my class had started much younger, some at three years old. I had taken modern dance, where dancers are allowed to not have their shoulders pushed down, and toes didn’t have to be perfectly pointed. Where I could lift my leg as high as I wanted AND lift my hip too! I found myself in a world where total body control was expected, and realized quickly that this expectation of precision and conformity would be a daunting undertaking. In the mirrors, I watched my peers move with their bodies in perfect alignment, with their hands shaped identically in a dainty half-grasp. They held their heads high (and lifted their legs without any hip movement at all!). Those mirrors. I was always looking in those mirrors! Observing others and myself—would I ever measure up? I was amazed and intimidated. The peer pressure in ballet is fierce and when combined with a stern Czech teacher, counting out each step, pointing out every mistake, I was overwhelmed. I wondered if the reflection in the mirror would ever ever provide a glimpse of hope. Would I ever be able to let go of the barre that was steadying me? There were so many times I considered quitting. But I didn’t. I kept practicing and practicing.
Repetition was the teacher. Every class was the same routine—plies, releves, and adages over and over and over. For a long while, I was mediocre, easily identified by my trembling muscles, by the wobbly pirouette and the leaps that made audible sounds upon landing. The practice, practice, practice was the key to learning the skill. Did I mention practice? All the while, through every practice and rehearsal I was learning the intricacies of each move. Holding my head up high as my feet and confidence hesitated.
After years, I was finally chosen for toe shoe class—a goal in dance for sure! I couldn’t wait to put on the light pink shoes with the satin ribbon and be in the group that was elevated to this status—the “badge of confidence” had been bestowed on me!
If you’ve never worn a pair of toe shoes, here is a peek at the experience: THEY HURT!!! These shoes are fitted to your foot without a centimeter to spare. Rising up on the toes created a shockingly stinging, burning pain that sometimes went straight through my spine. Again, I was looking in the mirror. None of my classmates showed any sign of pain as they stoically held their heads up with assurance and grace. I came to realize that all of us had bleeding toes that ached and throbbed. Regardless, we would all rise again on top of the toes that already had oozed with agony, over and over and over again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Push through the pain. Do it again.
Today I feel that same kind of pain—sometimes that sharp, burning pain—and learning to navigate my new business has me looking in the mirror again. Am I measuring up? I’m new in this class of entrepreneurship. I got a late start (again). The muscle that trembles is all mental, and I have wobbled through navigating the dizzying pirouettes in all of the roles I have taken on in the classroom of business, while steadying myself on the barre that I cling to: the calling to share my passion for empowering others and bring hope to the financially challenged universe. To let me be the example in the mirror. To let me count out the steps. To help my clients practice the practice of practicing. To remind them to hold their heads up high, no matter the pain.
Step by step, we build our confidence. I am raising the barre for myself, looking in the mirror, knowing that these early days of entrepreneurship are the dress rehearsal for the years to come. My confidence is on the move, growing with each step I take.
Today’s Author: Jane Helm is the Principal of Money Mentor Group. As a wealth coach, Jane combines decades of financial services experience with a degree in social work and psychology to bring positive financial change to her client’s lives. She is an Affiliate Coach with the Wholistic Woman Retreat group and co-founded the Bring Your Own Business Success networking group. Jane can be reached via email at [email protected]
by Carol deLaski | Apr 14, 2017 | Laura Hall
“We teach best what we most need to learn.” ~ Richard Bach, Illusions:The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
I am getting ready to facilitate a workshop on boundaries at the end of this month for Wholistic Woman Retreats. I became interested in leading this topic after 2016’s overnight retreat, which was based on the book “Rising Strong” by Dr. Brené Brown. During that retreat we did a very small segment on boundaries, and afterward one of our participants asked me if I’d consider expanding that topic. That was when the idea for ‘Be Clear’, my mini-retreat on boundaries, was born.
What the research shows is that boundaries and compassion go hand in hand. People who have clear boundaries ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. Their clear boundaries keep them out of resentment and as a result they tend to be more compassionate people. I believe the world could use more compassion and less resentment and if having clearer boundaries is the way then I’m all in!
Recently, I was talking to a close friend who is recovering from a major surgery. She started telling me a story about how the pastor of her church came to visit her and stayed for the entire afternoon…much longer than my friend would have liked. While she enjoyed the visit, the duration was too long and left her completely exhausted. When I asked my friend why she didn’t feel comfortable asking her pastor to leave so she could take a nap, her response was, “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”.
I don’t know about you, but I can definitely relate to my friends experience. I too have found myself in similar situations where I didn’t feel comfortable asking for what I needed or setting a clear boundary. Why is this?!?
Is it because, like my friend, we don’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable?
Is it because we were never taught or never got to practice how to define limits?
Is it because we don’t want to be perceived a certain way…rude, rigid, selfish, etc?
If you too aren’t as clear on your boundaries as you’d like to be, what do you think contributes to your struggle?
During ‘Be Clear’ we will be defining healthy boundaries as well as looking at the things that get in the way to our setting them. You will be asked to think of an area in your life where having clearer boundaries would be helpful and you will walk away with at least one action step that you can put implement in that area.
Setting healthy boundaries and attaching appropriate consequences takes practice. If you’d like to be clearer in your life, then please consider this your personal invitation to join me and the Wholistic Woman Retreats community on April 26. You can click here for more details.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Apr 3, 2017 | Guest Blogging
As the first scholarship recipient for Wholistic Woman Retreats, I want to say thank you. I could never repay the many blessings that I received from this experience.
I’d like to share my thoughts about the retreat using an acrostic of the word WHOLE because that’s exactly how I felt when I left; not lacking anything.
Warmth– The warmth of each of the women was incredible. I walked into the retreat knowing no one, but left with friends with whom I hold a special bond that only a retreat like this could give me.
Healing– The topics covered at this retreat while deep, were handled with love and care and with every intention to heal and that’s exactly what they did.
Overflowing– Whether it was with joy, stress relief (from amazing accommodations and amenities like seated massages), knowledge, or love, I left the retreat feeling full to the brim and ready to share that fullness with other ladies that I believe could use an experience like this.
Laughter– These women were willing to throw caution to the wind in order to drive home the principles, and key points, of the retreat. Also, taking time to dance and let go a bit had us all smiling and laughing!
Encouragement– Not only was I encouraged to be myself, but I was reminded that I am enough. And who doesn’t want to feel that she is enough?
To the coaches at Wholistic Woman Retreats, all of their affiliates, and especially to Legacy Financial Associates thank you for the trip of a lifetime and for so many memories that I plan to build on for many years to come!
Today’s Author: Caryn Dayhoff is a personal trainer and creator of CREW which stands for Creatively Renewing Every Woman. Visit her website, www.ccdfitness.com or contact her at [email protected] for more information.
by Carol deLaski | Mar 8, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging
I began playing volleyball at the age of 13 and quickly became one of the top players and team captain through middle and high school. Playing sports enhanced my innate competitive drive and I began to view winning as the only option, both on and off the court. My hatred of losing made every game an emotional roller coaster. If we did lose, I was distraught for the remainder of the day and often into the next. My identity became tied to my ability to perform and it didn’t take very long before this distorted thinking spilled over into all the other areas of my life. I pressured myself to get the best grades, be the best daughter, the best Christian, the best liked. When I met my own expectations, all was right in the world. However, failure to attain perfection led to self criticism and feelings of unworthiness. I now realize that my understanding of love and worth was connected to my performance and I felt loved when I was doing things ‘right’. When I was achieving or performing well, I thought I was more valuable and loved than when I made mistakes. I did not understand unconditional love. To me, love was very much conditional and contingent on my ability to perform.
This desire to be the best often led me into the comparison trap that drove the vicious cycle of evaluating myself against others, feeling as though I didn’t measure up, and then criticizing myself. I couldn’t be happy for someone else who was doing well because in my mind that meant I wasn’t. So, this judgment based on my interpretation of how my performance measured up to theirs often left me feeling miserable and unworthy. I was operating with a ‘scarcity mentality’ that thought life was made up of one pie and I was getting less of it if someone else got a big piece (for more on this, you can read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I didn’t understand that there was more than enough to go around and that one person’s success did not prohibit mine. Even more importantly, someone else’s achievements did not impact my value or worthiness.
There are many reasons we can fall into the comparison trap. Insecurity in our abilities can drive us to desire someone else’s traits. Looking at a friend’s Facebook page and judging our day to day circumstances against their ‘highlight reel’ can cause us to feel frustrated or dissatisfied with our life. I know from personal experience that when I have struggled with changing a bad habit and see someone successfully conquer it, I have gotten trapped in the cycle of comparison and self-criticism. Thoughts such as, “I’m not good enough”, or “I’ll never measure up”, or “I must be weak because I can’t do it as well” would start to creep in and derail my progress.
A paradigm shift happens when we begin to operate out of a place of security and a true sense of self-worth. When we recognize the gifts we’ve been given and embrace our strengths to fulfill our purpose, we can take the focus off what others have and put the energy into using what we have. There was a man in the Bible named Paul who wrote about this idea. He said, “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that… Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” We each have skills, traits, and hobbies that can be used and enjoyed for a fulfilling life. There is a wonderful joy that occurs when we embrace and grow our unique gifts. This same joy also genuinely celebrates in the abundance of others.
I invite you to join me at this month’s evening retreat, Be Free, on March 29th where we will dive more deeply into the topic of comparison. We will discuss the why’s and how’s of the comparison trap and learn strategies to break free from its damaging cycle. The result will be a celebration of the true, Wholistic, beauty in each one of us.
Today’s Author: WWR Partner Coach, Liz Reihm works with women of all ages to help them create healthy lives through mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. She helps women discover their potential with both personal training as well as coaching.
For more information about Liz, you can visit her website: www.coaching4her.com; email her at [email protected]; or call (240) 397-6437 with any specific questions.
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 26, 2017 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Personal Development, Professional Development
It’s so nice to score 100%, and is a great target to aim for. When growing up, we focused on good grades. In relationships, we want to give 100%, and in business we want to be profitable so we can live a full and rich life. We want success and success means different things to different people. In my life and business, I use the acronym SCORE to reach higher levels and aim for 100%, which stands for:
S – Smile, C – Care, O – Offer more, R – Reliability, E – Empowerment
S – SMILE – When we smile we feel good and it lifts our mood. It is an immediate way to connect with others in a positive way. It’s a gesture that can take you to a new level. Smiling is a booster for everyone—it’s contagious and a good thing to catch. It’s been said that a frown actually uses more muscles than a smile. When do you smile the most? What are the benefits of smiling in your workplace?
C – CARE – My business is to serve others, and to do it in a caring, hospitable way. It feels good to take care of people’s needs. Of course, this rolls over into my personal life, which feels natural. To really care and have a heart-centered approach will strengthen all relationships. It’s been said in the business world that heart-centered leadership is about a deeper kind of power, a spiritual power. “It’s not about how the job gets done, it’s how the leader can best serve his or her associates,” said Susan Steinbrecher, author of Heart-Centered Leadership, An Invitation to Lead from the Inside Out.
O – OFFER MORE – I believe there are always opportunities to do more. I have Maximizer as a strength and this talent shows up for me here. I like to offer more to make sure there is comfort all around. In business, I usually say “What else can I do to make you more comfortable?” or “Can I offer something else?” Recently I found myself saying to one of my oldest friends and her daughter flying in, “What comforts can I provide while you are here for your stay?” She was delighted and it was small, just pretzels. Maximizer and offering more is taking the event from good to great or great to excellent or excellent to outstanding—well, more often than not, poor to good. There are many solutions all around us and stretching ourselves to offer more personally and professionally helps us win and achieve more.
R – RELIABILITY – Every minute counts is a motto used with my team when we are meeting travelers in the airport that are between flights. Reliability and showing up on time or being dependable are very important ways to build trust. Sometimes one minute can mean the difference in someone missing their plane, a phone call, or the school bus. One minute can impact your whole day.
E – EMPOWERMENT – Feeling in control and in charge of your life or work is an important charge. I think about Dr. Brené Brown’s work from her book Daring Greatly when she says living BIG is about setting boundaries, integrity, and having generous assumptions. When you pause and realize that you, only you, can control your destiny and be empowered to do what’s right and live with integrity, it’s very empowering. In business, my team knows that they are empowered to do the right thing. At the end of the day, feeling free of problems and looking at situations as opportunities to serve others starts with you.
Come join us at our next retreat called Wholehearted Living based on the Gifts of Imperfection, by Dr. Brené Brown. Maybe it’s time to let go of being 100%. SCORE yourself a weekend to smile more, focus on self-care, offer more to yourself, make a reliable choice to honor your time, and be empowered to be YOU!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 20, 2017 | Laura Hall, Retreats
It’s Saturday morning. I am the only one awake in my house and I’m so grateful to have this quiet time to sit down and get the thoughts swirling around in my head down on paper.
I am a big believer in journaling. I started this practice about eight years ago when I was experiencing some anxiety issues. Even though I’m a reluctant writer, I found it extremely liberating to take the time to get the inner rumblings of my mind and soul out where I could look at them with self-compassion and a level of objectivity. It saved me and if you haven’t tried journaling, I highly recommend it, especially during times when life feels overwhelming.
I’ve had an overwhelming week! At home, we are about two weeks away from putting our house on the market and the to-do list feels endless. At work (if you didn’t already know this about me, about a year ago I began working at my husband’s office as his dental assistant), our office manager is out on a two-week vacation and juggling both her responsibilities as well as my own has left me feeling frazzled! And the Wholistic Woman Retreats is busy creating the programming for our upcoming retreat and there is a lot to do when you put on an event like this. The cumulative effect of everything that is going on in my life right now has left me feeling overwhelmed at times.
Yesterday, I had a planning meeting with the two other founding coaches of Wholistic Woman Retreats to work on our Wholehearted Living Retreat. On the way to the meeting, my mind was telling me how unprepared I was for the meeting and how I wasn’t carrying my weight. But because I am a coach and I practice what I teach, I started questioning these thoughts and worked on practicing self-compassion and talking to myself like I would talk to my best friend instead.
As we gathered, we did a check in with one another based on the question, ‘Where are you right now in mind, body, and heart?’. As I was checking in, the tears just started flowing. The emotional stress of the last week came spilling out and I realized that the reason I was crying was because I felt safe and loved and comfortable enough to be completely vulnerable with my two friends.
If you know Kelye and Carol, then you can probably guess how they responded to my tears…they wrapped me in a group hug, told me I was enough, and offered me grace and love. It was in that moment that I realized what quality friends they were. There was no judgement, no “What were you thinking, listing your home so close to our retreat?” and no trying to fix it for me. There was just compassion, warmth, and love.
Today I am counting my blessings! I am surrounded by wonderful, supportive, nurturing friends who accept me where I am at any given moment. I have quality friends!
Quality friends can sometimes feel hard to come by, but not here at Wholistic Woman Retreats. We are growing a community of quality women through our monthly and special retreats. If you could use some more quality friends in your life, then please join us at our February event, which we are calling “Be Connected”. It is your opportunity to really get to know some quality women in a fun, creative kind of way. We’ve designed it to be similar to a speed dating kind of event, so over the course of the evening you will get to meet and get to know better a variety of women. One of them may just turn out to be one of your quality friends!
For more information on this event, click here. Hope to see you there!
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website: HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Jan 30, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Retreats
In just a few short weeks, our signature overnight retreat will be here! This year the theme is Wholehearted Living, based on The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
We asked two Wholistic Woman members, Pat and Gloria, to tell us the impact last year’s retreat at Antrim 1844 had on their lives and well-being. Read on to find out what they have to say about our retreats…
What was your favorite part of the last retreat?
[PAT] I really ended up enjoying the location. I have attended most of the retreats over the years (I think I’ve only missed one of them) so I’ve gone to lots of different venues and formats. This retreat was more of a commitment financially, but I soaked up and enjoyed the space and the pampering. So that was the most surprising part. The content is always valuable for me, as well as the connection with other people.
[GLORIA] The retreat was the very first Wholistic Woman event that I had ever attended. I had very little information as to what Wholistic Woman was all about, so I had no preconceived notions of what to expect. As I arrived, I was pleased with the surroundings…I loved the mansion and the history. At the retreat itself I enjoyed the ability to talk to people about things other than work or relocating to this area. It was nice to see a different kind of conversation coming about and just the positivity! Nobody was critiquing, complaining, judging – there was none of that. I didn’t even sense it. Everybody genuinely had open minds, open hearts, and welcoming arms. They wanted to just make everybody’s day better and everybody’s idea of what tomorrow could be more positive. So it was enlightening in that way.
What did you gain from the experience?
[PAT] I really enjoy Brené Brown’s books and materials, so for me having an opportunity to process and work with it, both individually and in the group, is valuable. Having it presented to me in different ways by the coaches, I find that I get a lot more out of the material and I’m much more able to apply things.
[GLORIA] It was actually quite eye-opening. I think I went with a little bit of pessimism, like… ‘oh my gosh, this is going to be one of those little feel-good things and it’s just going to be all kumbaya.’ But then we started getting into the meat of the program, diving into the topic that we were discussing. It was actually Carol’s presentation towards the end of the retreat when we were talking about grieving. I have only been in this area for 4 years after my husband took a new job and we moved from California. When we sold my home and left the place I had known my entire life, it was within six-months after I had lost my father and we had moved my daughter across the country to college. I left family, friends, my career, and pulled my son out school to move across the country. So all of those things happened in such short order that I had just dealt with them. I explained to Carol what I just mentioned and asked is there a grieving process for those types of events. And she said, “Oh my heavens, yes!” And the waterworks just started. It was the first time since all of that began that I actually took the time to realize that I had lost so much of what my world was. The snow globe of my world didn’t just get shaken but it cracked and everything spewed out. It wasn’t my reality anymore and I didn’t know how to be happy. I was functioning because things had to get done but I wasn’t enjoying it. I was getting pretty darn miserable because I was starting to get resentful over everything I perceived I had given up. So it was tough. For me, it was incredible that I gained that much insight from the retreat and I was able to just breathe. I stayed an extra night and I just allowed myself to cry. But it was OK. It was a new beginning. I got more out of it than I would have ever imagined.
Would you go to this year’s retreat?
[PAT] Oh yeah, I’m already registered!
[GLORIA] I actually have already signed up for this retreat! I’m just going to sit back and observe this time.
What is your advice for anyone who may be on the fence about attending?
[PAT] Don’t think that you need to come with a buddy. Just come and be very open because the group is very open. I always meet new and different people in addition to re-connecting. Come with an open mind and intend to maximize the time for yourself. I’ll tell you my story…last year check-in was 2:00. Despite my desire to connect with the coaches and a number of people there, I showed up at 2:00 and checked in to my room and I immediately started drawing a hot bath. Now, I tend to be a person who likes to connect with other people, but I just wanted to soak in this beautiful space first. I completely indulged in the room and what was there because it was so delightful. And then, I went to tea at 4 o’clock, but by the time I showed up for tea, I’d already had a bath, I’d already settled into my room. There was none of this drop and run, because it wasn’t just like the Hilton or the Holiday Inn or whatever…it was really lovely. When I told people how I began the retreat they said, ‘oh, what a good idea!’ Because your time is very full and there is a lot going on. So give yourself permission to do what you need to do to enjoy that space and not worry about anybody else. It’s okay to receive and enjoy the whole experience.
[GLORIA] We all come from different places and, to me, it seems that if you’re already thinking about attending, there must be something calling you to try it. You’ll never really know until you do. You can ask 50 of us that went and everybody will give you a different answer. So I think if it’s already in your mind and you’re thinking: ‘Sounds like a good idea but I don’t know if I should.’ Just do it. You have nothing to lose. At worst, you’re going to meet new people, enjoy some exquisite cuisine, a beautiful mansion with an incredible history, and whatever the weather holds. You will hear a few conversations and maybe connect with somebody else who has a similar story that you could bounce ideas off of and in doing so make a new friend…there’s nothing wrong with making a new friend!
We hope to see all of you at the Wholehearted Living Retreat this year!
Click here for more information and registration.
Don’t delay…reserve your spot today. Bring a special friend or two, if you like, and make it a girl’s getaway weekend.
Today’s Author: Thank you to Kira Tregoning, WWR Social Media Coordinator, for interviewing WWR members, Pat Herber and Gloria Murray for today’s blog.
by Carol deLaski | Jan 15, 2017 | Sandie Lynch
Anyone who knows me, knows I love nature and the lessons we learn from it. One of my favorite pastimes is gardening and how it offers such great analogies for life. When a new year enters, a practice I have come to love is to review the closing year as a farmer would at harvest time; what crops to replant and asking if it’s time to plant something new. Keeping in mind this valuable proverb; ‘we reap what we sow, later than we sow, and more than we sow.’ I also use the nature analogy of “pruning” when reviewing my time and productivity. Life can get so busy with such great things, that productivity for any one thing suffers. Typically while gardening, I prune when a plant is healthy and thriving but it has taken up space where something else is trying to grow.
This year’s transition revealed that my priorities are changing and it was time to plant something new and do some pruning to create space for it to grow. My value to leave this earth with no regrets regularly prompts me to ensure my choices align with what is most important. The harsh reality is we all get the same amount of time to live life, therefore, periodic reprioritizing on how to fill this time is the only way to create space for planting the desired harvest. With this said, I want to share my decision for creating space for a few new crops.
Over the past few years, I have entered into a new relationship and have been working on developing my ATP Wellbeing business. Although, my time has been stretched with working a full-time career with the State (which I have held for 23 years), I love all the activities I am involved in. Last year I felt a nudge to step back from WWR to focus on my business. I made a few adjustments by stepping away from being Chief Financial Officer, but saw little progress in growing my new crops.
Those of you who regularly choose “One Word” for the year will relate to this. In September, I stepped into my new word “Rise.” I felt excited about the future and what it may hold for me. Ironically, as I was preparing the WWR Retreat in March by reading Brené Brown’s “Gifts of Imperfection” it occurred to me that I was not being BRAVE and/or willing to OWN and life my story. I realized I was actually afraid to step away from WWR further even though an inner voice was consistently nudging me to do just that. It was calling me to reprioritize my time and to create space to allow my new crops to grow.
As I read, this time as the voice spoke, I felt peace with this decision, just as it is time for a baby bird to take flight, I was ready to step into my BRAVING and anticipate my “Rise”! I feel “called” to make these changes for “space” and saying “yes” to what this may bring. Although I am not sure what this is yet. I just know that it is time to plant, prune, and let my new crops grow and step into my “Rise”!
It has been the absolute pleasure and blessing working as a founding coach with Wholistic Woman Retreats (WWR) for the past 7 years. The growth and inspiration I have received has been immeasurable. I am forever changed by being immersed in such a warm, encouraging, compassionate community created by the amazing coaches. This has been a “thriving” blessing in my life as well as, pure joy to frequently connect with so many like-minded women, seeing them grow and transform into who they are meant to be as they share their amazing gifts so fearlessly with the world.
Therefore, for now I will not be actively involved in WWR. I don’t know if this is forever or just for a time. I am blessed to receive the loving support of the remaining founding coaches and be offered an open door anytime I want to reconnect. This is such an amazing example of what is available for each person connecting with WWR.
What is your inner voice calling you to do with your time?
I would encourage you to connect with WWR and find your path to BRAVING!
Thank you always for your compassion and authentic connection while understanding my need to be BRAVE and Rise!
Sincerely yours,
Sandie
Today’s Author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
by Carol deLaski | Jan 11, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Change, Personal Development, Professional Development
This quote (by one of my favorite authors) reminds us to fully embrace our ‘You-ness’ and be unique.
How will you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person in 2017?
I find that using a theme word for the year is a helpful way to guide my growth as a unique person. I highly recommend it if you are seeking a new perspective about your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe (or whatever you call that which is bigger than us) intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking any ole’ good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process works like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these powerful questions:
What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
What’s in my way? What’s blocking me?
What needs to go? Or, what do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expect. In fact, your mind may reject the word provided, but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it. Even if the word doesn’t make sense initially, try to remain open and curious to see what insights await you.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by applying it to everyday highs and lows.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that work best for me, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was a bit odd and uninspiring. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive and/or divine messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
In 2016 my word has been ASK. I’m a recovering independent woman who is learning the value of being interdependent. I have a tendency to ‘just do it myself.’ It’s hard for me to ask for what I need. My word has reminded me to practice asking a lot this year. I’ve learned important lessons not only about asking but also about waiting patiently and receiving.
After spending an entire year with each of my words I find that they become a part of me. The habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction continues long after the year is over. Each word has helped me grow wiser and more self-aware.
As 2017 begins, I’m going through the process to discover a new theme word and I invite you to join me.
You can learn more about the One Word Process in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a support or stretch team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of my Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 25th from 5:30-7:30 pm when we will kickoff the 2017 Evening Retreat Series. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear inspiring stories of it’s impact on other individuals. If you have a Word for 2017 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about the process.
During the Launch Party you will learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2017. We hope you will join us for all 9 of these evening retreats to learn, grow personally and professionally and to stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team throughout the year. If you can make it to a lot of the evening retreats we suggest that you become a member to receive discounts on every event. Click here to learn more and become a member.
Most importantly, in this community of women-on-the-grow know that you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you! We believe that we are each unique and a wonderful work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Dec 9, 2016 | Laura Hall
The other day I heard a country music song on the radio titled “Kill a Word” by Eric Church. In it he talks about all the words he’d like to get rid of in his life. He lists words like “never”, “regret”, “fear” and “hate”. While I don’t resonate with the word “Kill”, I do resonate with the idea of struggling with a word, and for me that word is “Perfection”. Ugh!!!! Just writing the word triggers me. Why is that!?!
If you know me, you know I sometimes teasingly refer to myself as “a recovering perfectionist”. In my younger years, I actually believed perfection was something that was attainable and I would exhaust myself working toward it. I wanted to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect employee, the perfect…the list could go on and on. If I didn’t think I could be perfect, I often wouldn’t try. This was no way to live.
I call myself a “recovering perfectionist” because by the time I was entering my late 30’s/early 40’s it dawned on me that either perfection was a myth or I needed to redefine it, because my definition at that time was definitely not working. So I started questioning everything that had to do with my definition of perfection. My daily mantra became “good enough is good enough” and the impact that adopting this had on my life was amazing! Now, I imagine that some of you are cringing at this mantra because to you it may sound like a slackers way of thinking, but to me, it was a life saver. It gave me permission to move the bar down to a level that was within my reach, one that I could achieve versus one that just made me feel bad about myself because I wasn’t measuring up. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Dr. Brené Brown, I was learning how to put down my measuring stick so I could operate from a place that felt right for me. In a sense, I had to give myself permission to be imperfect.
In my recovery process I became a better friend because I was having people over even when there were dishes in my sink or my toilet hadn’t been cleaned in two weeks. I became a better mother because I could really listen to my kids when they were struggling instead of blaming myself and thinking I was the source of their struggle. I became a better wife because I was willing to try things I knew I wasn’t going to be perfect at (think windsurfing and golf here) but that I knew were going to lead to quality time with my husband. But, most importantly I became a better me because I stopped letting other people tell me what perfect was supposed to look like and started redefining perfect based on what resonated with my soul, and as it turns out, perfect for me is all about connecting with others.
But what I’ve recognized to be true for me over time is that when I forget to remember (yes, I just said forget to remember!) that good enough really can be good enough, my old perfectionist tendencies tend to creep back in, sometimes without me even realizing it at first. As a matter of fact this happened to me just two weeks ago. I wonder if you can guess what the triggering event was!?! I am writing this on December 6th. What happened about two weeks ago?
Yep, you guessed it…Thanksgiving!
For the past 10 years, Bill and I have hosted Thanksgiving for our families. This number adds up to 17 people for us. I love Thanksgiving, but there is something about the expectations I set up for myself and wanting it to be “perfect” that often causes me to relapse and it usually has to do with the condition my house will be in on the day of the wonderful event.
I’d like to ask you to take a moment and watch this short video I found when one of my daughters tagged me on Facebook saying it reminded her of me, because it is an over the top version of what I can look and feel like when perfectionism sets in.
Click here to watch video
Can anyone relate?
I know from talking to other women that I am not alone in this. The holidays are often a time where we want things to be perfect. But, what is perfect? Is it a perfect holiday if my house is spotless, but my family is frazzled and irritated at me because I went into setting the bar too high mode? This year I so appreciated it when one of my daughters lovingly said to me, “Mom, no one is going to care if our grout is perfectly clean or not. Thanksgiving is about us being together. We are not planning on eating off the floor.” She was so right and that was all I needed to remember to focus on connection.
And the beauty of this time of year is that in a little over 2 weeks I’ll be hosting Christmas Eve festivities at my home. It’s like I get a do-over! And, this time, I am committed to remembering to remember that it’s not about perfect by Martha Stewart’s standards but rather it is about the love and belonging that happen when I get together with my family and close friends. I am still learning how to redefine perfect.
If you too would like to redefine perfect, then I invite you to join me and the other Wholistic Woman Retreats coaches in March at the Wholehearted Living Retreat which is based on the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Dr. Brené Brown. Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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