by Carol deLaski | Apr 24, 2016 | Happiness, Laura Hall, Retreats
This blog was originally published in 2001 but its words are timeless and timely with our ‘Be Happier’ event scheduled for Wednesday, April 27th. Enjoy and we hope to see you on Wednesday 🙂
“Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of life.”
A couple years ago, I bought a plaque with these words imprinted on it to remind myself and my family that happiness is a choice. When I read this quote it reminds me to look for happiness in the present, in where I am and what I’m doing right now. It reminds me to be cautious about thinking thoughts like, “When I lose 15 pounds, then I’ll be happy”, or “If only I could make more money, then I’ll be happier”. You see, I believe that happiness comes from the inside out, not the other way around. That it is a way of being. It is not dependent on how I look, or what I have. I believe happiness comes from knowing (and reminding myself when I forget) of my inherent self worth and practicing gratitude on a regular basis.
I have to admit that happiness comes relatively easy to me. I’ve always been the type of person to see the glass as half full, not half empty. One of my favorite books in elementary school was “Pollyanna”. My parents helped by raising me to believe that life is happening for me, NOT to me, and this core thought has allowed me to always look for the life lessons – even in the face of struggle or adversity, and then to practice gratitude for the lessons learned.
I know that not everyone is like me and that some of us struggle with finding happiness. What I’d like to suggest is that you stop looking for happiness and start creating it. What I am proposing is a Happiness Experiment. This experiment is being designed for everyone. There is no specific age, gender, socioeconomic status, or minimum current level of happiness necessary to be able to participate. My hypothesis is that by practicing 5 simple steps on a daily basis for one week, your happiness will increase by 20%.
Now I just need some volunteers…This is where you come in! 🙂 The first thing I need you to do is to rate your happiness on a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 representing no happiness and 10 representing complete happiness. Before you read any more, I need you to come up with your happiness rating, and if you are really gutsy, why don’t you post your starting point in the comments for this blog. 😉
OK, now that you have your number, here are the 5 steps, and what you’ll be committing to should you be willing to participate in my happiness experiment with me:
- Define what happiness means to you – On day one of The Happiness Experiment you will be taking the time to write down your own personal definition of happiness. You will be completing the statement, “Happiness is…” When you think of happiness, what words come to mind? Think of the last time you remember being happy, what did that feel like? Are there certain people, or certain types of people who trigger your happiness? What about certain places? What physical sensations do you experience when you are happy? Who are you being when you are happy? Maybe even look at it from the other side, when you are unhappy, what is missing from your experience that is fueling your unhappiness? Once you’ve written your definition, you will need to write it down and put it someplace where you can read at it at least once a day for the remainder of the week.
- Sing out loud – Pick a song, any song, channel your inner diva and use your big girl voice to belt it out! I know for some of you this is going to feel very uncomfortable at first, and that’s OK, but as Nike says, “Just Do It”! The details are not important. You can sing in the shower, in the car to your favorite song, with people watching, or in total privacy. Just sing!
- Dance – This is about moving your body in a fun, life affirming way. I suggest turning the music up, closing your eyes and letting the energy move you. Spinning also seems to work for me, but again, there is no “right” way to do this, so whatever feels right to you is right. Go with it!
(Note #2 and #3 can be combined) As an aside, if you are ever in Mt. Airy, MD and you see a 40 year old woman in a blue Hyundai Sonata belting out Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” while waving her arms in what may look like some sort of seizure, don’t worry! That’s me combining #2 and #3.
- Intentionally smile at someone – Making a point to smile is such a simple thing to do, yet so many of us don’t take the time to do this on a regular basis. Who can you share a smile with? Maybe it’s a stranger you pass while walking down the street. Maybe it’s a coworker you see in the elevator each morning. Maybe it’s your child who is not used to seeing your face light up when they enter the room. Maybe it’s your spouse or significant other as they walk through the door after a long day at work. Maybe it’s you as you see yourself in the mirror brushing your teeth at the end of the day. There really is no excuse for not getting this one done.
- Practice gratitude – When you wake up each morning, I want you to ask yourself, “What am I most grateful for?” and write it down. As the day goes on, continue to look for things to be grateful for. As these new gratitudes arise ask yourself if this new gratitude surpasses the one you started your day off with. If it does, cross out your 1st one and replace it with your new one. Stick with this all day, so that by the time you go to bed, you will have the thing you were most grateful for today at the bottom of your list. Write this one down on a piece of paper by your bed, so that by the end of the week you’ll have a gratitude listed for each day of the experiment.
Are you in? Will you be part of my Happiness Experiment? What have you got to lose? The idea is to complete all 5 steps for 7 days in a row. Give yourself permission to be silly. This is meant to be fun!
At the end of your week with the Happiness Experiment, re-assess what number you give yourself on the happiness scale and let me know how it went. Did your number increase? If so, by how much? What step was the easiest for you? What step did you struggle with? Please share your comments, so I know whether my hypothesis proved to be true or false. I look forward to hearing from you! Laura
Want to join us Wednesday? Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 6, 2016 | Change, Family, Kelye Rouse-Brown, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
Today I feel a sense of fulfillment from completing a trip that I have longed to take over the past few years. I called it my Roots to Boots tour because my family roots are in Oklahoma and I needed my brave boots from Texas to make this particular journey.
Designing the trip was fun, yet filled with uncertainty because I didn’t know how it would unfold. I can’t remember the last time I took two whole weeks off to spend time with my mom’s family members that I haven’t seen in over a decade (and probably only ten times in my entire life).
As I planned the trip, some of the questions I asked myself were:
Will my mom’s side of the family remember me…and embrace this trip as I do?
What surprises will I encounter to make this trip more challenging or complete?
I’m happy to say that these questions were answered positively and that I experienced some pleasant surprises. This trip was bittersweet as I celebrated both the successful three year anniversary of my Texas joint venture and the anniversary of my mom’s passing.
After reflecting on this much anticipated journey, I can truthfully say that I am happier than I was three years ago. I am happier because….
- I’m celebrating a successful business milestone with greater opportunities on the horizon
- I have reconnected with my family in Oklahoma, closing a lengthy ten year gap.
- I brought my mom’s ashes back to her roots, where she started her life and felt complete
- My husband and I made this journey, and celebrated this labor of love, together.
Recognizing and embracing the process of becoming happier is a wonderful, and joyful, benefit of this Roots to Boots trip. Planning this adventure made me uncomfortable at times. However, I realized that I needed to be courageous, and step out into the world, to bring a deeper level of peace and healing into my life. The timing seemed perfect. In hindsight, I see that I not only boosted myself with this trip but (according to my husband) I also boosted my extended family by traveling back to our roots.
I truly believe that happiness boosters are important in life.
What boosts your happiness?
What happiness boosters are you willing to explore to bring needed closure and peace to your life?
Remember that becoming happier is a lifelong pursuit. I encourage you to discover ways to rejuvenate yourself to feel happier.
Do you want to learn more about becoming happier?
Ladies, you’re invited to the Be Happier Evening Retreat where I will be teaching techniques from the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar on April 27 at Jo Jo’s Restaurant from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and to register and reserve your spot. Make a friend happier and invite her to join you!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Mar 1, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
Which words in this quote stand out to you?
The word confidently resonates the most to me. As I read it, I imagine myself striding purposefully towards my personal and professional dreams. I am not lackadaisical or distracted, but rather I envision my head held high, arms swinging beside my body, and eyes focused ahead of me as I steadily move forward. I like this image!
To be honest, though, the poise and assurance of self-confidence can be elusive; sometimes I have it and sometimes I don’t.
Research shows that when we feel confident we are likely to exhibit some of these behaviors:
- We do what we believe is right, even if others mock or criticize us for it.
- We are willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve our goals.
- We admit our mistakes, and learn from them.
- We wait for others to congratulate us on our accomplishments.
- We accept compliments graciously, “Thanks, I really worked hard on that project. I’m pleased that you recognize my efforts.”
By contrast, when we lack confidence we frequently demonstrate these behaviors
- We choose our actions based on what other people think.
- We stay in our comfort zone, fear failure, and avoid taking risks.
- We work hard to cover up mistakes and hope that we can fix a problem before anyone notices it.
- We promote our own virtues as often as possible, to as many people as possible.
- We dismiss compliments offhandedly, “Oh that project was nothing, really, anyone could have done it.”
I’ve come to learn that self-confidence is really a balancing act.
There are 4 steps that each of us can adopt to be more confident.
Step 1: Know who you are. A healthy appreciation of what makes you unique is the foundation for self-confidence. It is important to know your strengths and values, and to be grounded in that which you have control over…namely, yourself.
Step 2: Manage your mental chatter. It is hard to know, love, and accept yourself in a world that encourages us to compare ourselves to others. Marketing companies want us to yearn for the product or service they’re selling; they intend for us to feel incomplete without it. We must guard against the onslaught of messages that imply we are not enough.
In addition, we have more information at our fingertips than ever before. It is easy to take a spectator seat, watching other people’s lives via social media and to compare ourselves to them. We can be drawn into thinking they are more attractive, smarter, luckier, and happier than we are. The truth is that we only see a small slice of the lives of others, and no one really knows another person’s reality. Comparing yourself to others and judging yourself as ‘less than’ is detrimental to knowing and accepting the unique individual that you are.
A sidekick to comparison is negative self-talk. The inner critic can run rampant in most of our minds and we must be intentional not to let it drag us down. Like tuning into a radio station, dial past the static of self-critical thoughts that deflate you, and tune into positive thinking. Managing your mental chatter will free up space, and energy, for step 3.
Step 3: Decide who you want to be. As you practice the first 2 steps of accepting yourself and focusing on the positive, you will be ready to decide how you want to be and what you want to do. What is your vision and dream for your work…and for your life overall? Once you have the vision, create small action steps to move you in the direction of your dream. We are meant to be a work-in-progress, so celebrate each step that you make and use it as a launch pad for the next step on your journey. Evolve into who you are called to be.
Step 4: Know your Team. While you pursue your work and life vision, know that you are not alone. There will be days when lack of confidence will rear its ugly head and you may experience some of the anxious behaviors listed above. Who can you count on to support you when you are fearful? Who will stand with you in the gap formed by self-doubt and remind you that you are still special and loved? Who believes in you even when you struggle to believe in yourself? Perhaps that person will remind you to circle around and begin steps 1 through 4 all over again. By practicing them faithfully and intentionally, you will notice how your confidence flourishes.
Let me know your thoughts on these steps to greater self-confidence by leaving a comment here or emailing me directly.
An invitation for women who want more information on this topic:
You’re invited to join me for the Wholistic Woman ‘Be Confident’ Evening Retreat on March 30th from 5:30-7:30 pm. These evening retreats are open to women in the Frederick area who are interested in personal and professional development in a supportive, fun, and friendly environment. Click here for the workshop description and/or to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski (PCC) is a professional certified coach, speaker, and author who specializes in strengths development for businesses and individuals. Her coaching book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith is a springboard to develop inner wisdom and resilience. Visit her website or send an email with your comments or to arrange for a free consultation.
www.Caroldelaski.com | [email protected]
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 9, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” ~ Dr. Seuss
These words, by one of my favorite authors, reminds us of our uniqueness. My wish for you this year is to become more fully your Self. May you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person.
Who do you want to be this year?
What will it take to get there?
What will you need to include, or exclude, to help you move towards that vision?
I have found that using a theme word for the year is a helpful tool to guide my growth. I highly recommend it if you are seeking new perspectives and direction in your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe…or whatever you call that which is bigger than us…intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking a good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process looks like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these questions:
- What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
- What’s in my way? In other words, what’s blocking me?
- What needs to go? What do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expected. In fact, your mind may reject it but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it, even if it doesn’t make sense initially. Try to have an attitude of curiosity about the word you receive.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by living with it through easy, as well as challenging times.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that serve me best, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was unusual. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive, divine, messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
After spending a year with each of my words I realize that they become a part of me. I’ve developed a habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction which continues long after the year is over. Each word has been a blessing.
As 2016 begins, I am again going through the process to discover a new theme word. I invite you to join me.
If you’d like to learn more about the One Word Process you can find it in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a Stretch Team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of our Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 27th from 5:30-7:30 pm. This will be the kickoff for a series of ‘Be You’ Evening Retreats in 2016. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear stories of it’s positive impact on other individuals. If you already have a Word for 2016 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about it.
At the Launch Party you will also learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2016. You’re invited to join us for all 8 of these evening retreats to learn, grow, and stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team.
Now is the time to become a member of the Wholistic Woman Community to receive discounts on all our events. Click here to see details about the ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat Package or register for just the Launch Party. Come to one…or all eight! When you register for the entire series you will receive a $40 savings (events are transferable…so you can give them away if you find that you can’t make some dates)! Join us in the way that feels right to you.
Remember, in this community of women-on-the-grow you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you!
Each of us is a work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
In closing, I share the quote by Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 2, 2015 | Fear, Laura Hall, Retreats
About a year ago a friend invited me to join her for a Paint Nite event. I had heard about these gatherings and had actually seen some finished projects on Facebook. I was impressed! However, the first thought that went through my head was, “I can’t paint. I would never be able to make something like that!”
In case you aren’t familiar with the concept, a Paint Nite works like this…a group of people get together, usually at a bar or restaurant, and over the course of about 2 hours they are guided step by step through the painting process. Everyone walks away with 16” x 20” canvas painting that has been modeled after the one the instructor brings.
Several years ago, I made the conscious decision to stop turning away from things that scared or intimidated me. My mantra was (and continues to be) feel the fear and do it anyway. This is how I practice courage. With this mantra in mind, I decided to say yes to the Paint Nite invitation. Here is a picture of my finished product 🙂 
That night I not only walked away with a painting I’m proud of, but I also walked away with some important life lessons that I’d like to share with you now.
Life Lesson #1 – Begin by beginning.
Honestly, the hardest part for me was putting the first stroke of paint on the canvas. My entire life I’ve wrestled with perfectionism and certainty. I wanted my picture to look just like the artist’s. I wanted to know that mine was going to turn out as good as the already completed painting she brought with her as an example. I wanted a gold star on my finished project. I was afraid to start because I didn’t want to fail, but that’s not feeling the fear and doing it anyway, so I grabbed the brush and began painting.
What I learned that night was that sometimes (dare I say most of the time) it’s impossible to predict the outcome of events with certainty. What I already knew, but needed to be reminded of, is that perfectionism is overrated and not helpful. Healthy striving is my goal, not perfectionism. Once its safe to leap, sometimes you just have to leap. There are many areas in my life where the lesson to begin by beginning applies. Blog writing, exercise, scrapbooking, clearing out my closet, and even things like difficult conversations that need to be had are a few areas that come to mind for me.
Life Lesson #2 – Permission slips work. Remember to use them!
One of the tools I use when working with coaching clients is permission slips. It comes from the Daring Greatly curriculum that is part of the certification I got based on the work of Brené Brown. The idea is to finish the statement…I give myself permission to ____________. Permission slips help me get clear about what’s holding me back and they help me show up more fully. During Paint Nite I gave myself permission to be disappointed in my final project, to be a beginner, and to have fun with my friends. As soon as I gave myself this permission everything changed. I was able to be in the moment with the painting. It was a fun night!
Life Lesson #3 – Be careful with comparison.
During my Paint Nite experience, I found myself looking not only at the instructor’s painting for reference, but also at the paintings of the people around me. There were times during the night that looking around gave me inspiration, but there were also times when looking around only made me feel like my painting wasn’t measuring up. There seems to be a tipping point for me.
What I learned that night is that comparison has two sides. There is the side that motivates and inspires me, like when I’m working out and I notice the person beside me really pushing herself and I think, I could try a little harder, and there is also the side that leads to feelings of not enough, like when I’m at a Paint Nite and I look at the masterpiece being created next to me and I think, Wow, my painting stinks!. Being careful to notice when comparison tips from inspiration to scarcity is something I need to be on the look out for on a regular basis.
Now it’s your turn…
If you’d like to learn your own life lessons, consider joining us on October 28th for Be Creative. The evening will be a blend of art project and life coaching. As Shari, our artist for the evening, leads you through the painting process, I will coach you on topics such as perfectionism, comparison, courage, and permission. You will walk away not only with a beautiful piece of art, but also with your own life lesson takeaways. For more information Click Here.
Register today as space is limited
Do you love your life? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 3, 2015 | Change, Jeanette Eleff, Retreats
“I just don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life.” This is the declaration I had just heard from the beautiful, forty-something woman sitting across the table from me. For the sake of this article I will refer to this woman as “Cathy”.
Cathy had a successful upper level management career, but she had reached a crossroad in her life – her sons were moving out of the house and her image as a mother and wife was changing. She was feeling down because her next move was unknown and not planned out. Cathy came to me to seek the support of a life coach to help her figure out her life’s desires.
Cathy’s situation was not unusual. I had heard her story many, many times from other women: “I don’t know what I want to do; I am not in touch with what will bring me joy; I don’t even know what joy looks like.”
The first step we took in our work together was to give Cathy permission to slow down and take the time to really think about what she wanted in her life. She personalized definitions for words that were foreign to her like joy and fun. She created her own meaning for “Fabulousity” and she created tools that spoke her vision language and kept her dream of an adventurous life in front of her. We worked and danced as coach and life-student for one year and our blueprint was always her personalized life vision.
Today Cathy is beaming with her own Fabulousity: she has fun with her photography, she weathered a relationship breakup and bought a beautiful home, she goes on adventures daily and she is embracing the role as a new grandmother. Cathy has found her joy – it all began when she took the time to craft out her life’s vision.
You too can be like Cathy – beaming with Fabulousity! Everything you want to manifest in your life begins with a vision. Slow down and take the time to join me and the Wholistic coaches on Wednesday, September 30 at 5:15 as I present Be Fabulous – In Your Life’s Vision. I’ll review my top strategies that you can follow to get in touch with what you really want your life to look like – regardless of where you are now. I’ll also share some creative ways, including a vision board, in which you can keep your fabulous vision of your life in front of you. You will walk away with a piece of your Fabulousity – what a great way to approach 2016! Click here if you’d like to register for this ‘Fabulous’ event.
Be Fabulous!
Jeanette
Today’s author: Jeanette Eleff, with Focused Vitality, is a success coach who helps people identify their vision for a successful life and/or business. She then shows them how to stay focused on the activities and mindsets that will help them achieve their goal.
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I know that not everyone is like me and that some of us struggle with finding happiness. What I’d like to suggest is that you stop looking for happiness and start creating it. What I am proposing is a Happiness Experiment. This experiment is being designed for everyone. There is no specific age, gender, socioeconomic status, or minimum current level of happiness necessary to be able to participate. My hypothesis is that by practicing 5 simple steps on a daily basis for one week, your happiness will increase by 20%.
At the end of your week with the Happiness Experiment, re-assess what number you give yourself on the happiness scale and let me know how it went. Did your number increase? If so, by how much? What step was the easiest for you? What step did you struggle with? Please share your comments, so I know whether my hypothesis proved to be true or false. I look forward to hearing from you! Laura