by Carol deLaski | Jul 30, 2014 | Business, Courage, Fear, Guest Blogging, Personal Development, Professional Development
We are happy to welcome Kim Dow, our fabulous Wholistic Woman Alliance Partner, graphic designer, and today’s guest blogger as she shares what she learned at the Be Courageous Retreat.
I have a healthy fear of heights. It’s cool, I’m not afraid to admit it!
But, recently, I set a goal for myself and conquered that fear. I joined our client, Wholistic Woman Retreats, for their annual “Be Courageous” event at Upward Enterprises, a zip lining and ropes challenge course in Buckeystown, MD.
Amidst the zipping and free-fall swing fun, lay the “Leap of Faith” (possibly mistaken as the Leap of Death…but whatever). A towering site where you climb up a single telephone pole, using just small hooks to brace your feet and cling to with your hands. Once you reach the top, you have to maneuver yourself around on a small plateau to face yourself outwards. Then, you jump off the top of the pole, aiming for a trapeze hanging in mid air. No biggie, right? WRONG!
Holy. Crap. Despite having done this challenge once several years ago (or maybe because of it), and knowing that I was safely harnessed in…my heart was still beating, my legs were still shaking and my brain was still screaming at me “Abort, Abort—We Are Up WAY Too High!” But, I kept my goal in mind and found the strength and inner will to keep climbing—to keep going for it and conquer the fear.
This experience is no different than what we face as entrepreneurs. Business owners face many fears—fear of failure. Fear of where your next job or payment will come from. Fear of change. Fear of not being able to pay your employees or yourself. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of the unknown. I think it’s safe to say that starting and owning your own business can, at times, be downright scary. But, you always have to try and overcome those fears—sometimes even embracing them—and keep moving forward to your end goal(s). To continuously push yourself and to keep moving forward, knowing those fears and the risks are just a part of the journey.
For me, back on that 20-something high (okay, so I don’t really know how high it was, but let me tell you when you’re at the top of it, it feels twice as high as it looks!) it wasn’t the jumping off part that was the scariest. It was the climb. Especially when I was almost at the very top…that was the hardest part. And isn’t that the same with our business as well? It’s the planning, the strategizing, all the hard work that leads us to that “top” (whatever point or end goal that may be for you). Once you’ve made that climb, it almost seems easy to take that final “Leap of Faith” and jump off!
And hey, it’s okay if you have to take a break on the way up—catch your breath, gather your thoughts, adjust your climbing strategy. But, just be sure to keep climbing, because it’s worth it!
Another important aspect of my Leap of Faith experience was the positive encouragement and cheering received from all those watching (and the fact that I, in turn got to cheer others on when my turn was over). The encouraging, supportive words truly made it easier to keep going! And I believe this is also a very important aspect of entrepreneurship. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family and colleagues—it definitely can make a huge difference, especially when you doubt yourself!
A special thank you to Wholistic Women Retreats and the coaches who plan this amazing event each year. And another huge thanks to Clive Felgate and his amazing team at Upward Enterprises. I can’t wait for next year’s adventure!
Kim Dow is owner of Kalico Design, a creative and wholistic graphic design firm in Frederick, Md. You can learn more about Kim and her company by visiting www.kalicodesign.com
Thank you to Mary Kate McKenna Photography for great shots of this fun event!
Save
by Carol deLaski | Jul 21, 2014 | Courage, Guest Blogging, Personal Development, Professional Development
Last week’s Zip, Swing, and Leap event was an enlightening experience. The evening started with Carol recommending to each of the women to observe themselves and their experience, as that is the best way to learn from the activity. I was a floater coach, a supporter of the participants, ropes team, and the event. I learned not by actually doing the events, but by supporting and observing others.
Throughout the evening I witnessed the power of women deciding they CAN. That they are able, they will trust, they know they are supported, and they are scared to death and are going to do it anyway.
I spent most of my time that night at Leap of Faith. The Leap of Faith requires a full body harness that, once you jump, holds you at the back of your neck, like Peter Pan flying across the stage on Broadway. Once in the harness, you climb a telephone pole, turn around on the top, stand tall for a photo, focus on a trapeze about 8 (feels like 8000) feet in front of you, count down 3-2-1 (to let Clive, our fearless spotter know it’s time) then leap full out to grab a trapeze.
I could see the fear on women’s faces, I could also SEE the decision when they took the jump – 3…2…1……leap! I could see the triumph and thrill of completion.
I also saw people on the ground decide “I’m not doing that!”. One woman got halfway up the pole and decided to go back down, she told me later that she had had a hip replacement and felt a tweak and didn’t want to risk injury. I was impressed with her clarity in prioritizing her health over taking the risk. I saw others decide it was not the night for them. Whatever the decision was for each woman, they followed through. I was so clear throughout the night that we all decide our experience.
Later when I read through the feedback forms that the participants had filled out, I saw over and over again, when asked what attracted them to the retreat, “I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone”, then, when asked what did you get out of this, “I was afraid, and I did it!“ and “That I can do this”.
So how will these women take this out into their lives, how will I take it out into mine, how can you take it into yours?
Know that no matter what you are faced with, you will take all available information into account, evaluate, decide, do. It puts the power in you, the steering wheel of your life in your hands.
Think of the many decisions we need to make in our lives: Will I accept this job offer? Will I marry this person? Will I eat this extra cookie? Will I make it to the meeting on time? Will I lose that 10 pounds? Will I live a life of meaning?
What are you deciding, what can you do, what will you opt not to do? You have the power.
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” – Anthony Robbins
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” – Abraham Lincoln
Today’s author: Lisa DiSciullo, CPCC, is a Certified Life Coach in Summit, NJ, with her own practice working with her clients as they are developing clarity, growth, and fulfillment in their lives. She is a founding member of the Wholistic Woman Retreats group and a Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program. She can be reached at [email protected].
Save
by Carol deLaski | Jul 7, 2014 | Carol deLaski, Courage, Fear
Harnessed by strong cables, I found myself in an unusual position high in the trees… facing upwards and glimpsing patches of blue sky. A team of eight women had pulled me into this position and awaited my decision to release the cord which would drop me into a free-fall swing through the tree tops. Butterflies swirled in my stomach and my breathing grew rapid as I allowed myself to fully experience this strange suspension in the air. Time felt suspended, too, as I savored this momentary mixture of calm and electrifying anticipation.
Encouragement from the women below wafted up to my ears and I knew I had the full support of my team. “You can do it!” and “Go for it!” let me know that they believed in me. They saw the courage and trust that it took to climb into this precarious position and knew the important role that they played in providing support as I took this well-calculated risk. I had given encouragement to them when they had been in this position and now it was my turn to receive it.
I held my breath for a moment, then with the thought Here goes, I pulled the cord. My body dropped several feet and the industrial-sized cables caught my weight and safely sent me soaring through the tree tops. A scream of excitement escaped my lips, followed by loud whoops of joy, as I swung back and forth high above the people cheering below. I felt like a school-girl as my legs pumped to keep the swinging movement going as long as possible before my turn ended.
When I came to a stop, I descended the ladder with a mile-wide grin and received hugs and pats-on-the-back as my team congratulated me. I enjoyed the sense of accomplishment that flowed from overcoming something that scared me.
You see, earlier that day I was uncertain if I would actually do the free-fall swing. It was similar to how I had felt about doing the zip line several years ago when it was first offered at a Wholistic Woman Retreat. With team support I had overcome that fear and had enjoyed the thrill of zip line rides several times since then. I had learned to love it. In a similar way, I decided to do the swing after watching other women successfully do it. I was so glad that I stepped out of my comfort zone and experienced it with this fun and supportive group of women.
What does it take for you to be brave and overcome your fears? Do you need the support and encouragement of others? Does it help to see other people going first so that you can observe the challenge before you step into it yourself? Do you want to know that it’s okay to express yourself in whatever way you need to… whether that means screaming, cursing, crying, or laughing? Do you need information to know that you are safe? What helps you to be courageous?
The truth is that we face our fears every day. Some of us are dealing with frightening medical diagnoses, wayward children, conditional love, issues with spouses, financial instability, loneliness, changing circumstances, crime, war, and the list goes on and on. How do we find the courage to face these challenges?
I’d like to suggest these three steps:
Identify the fear. This step is hard because it feels vulnerable to admit that we are afraid. However, it’s crucial that we name what scares us in order to begin releasing the hold it has over us.
Have a support team. Surround yourself with people who you trust and who are modeling brave behavior. They will inspire you to be more courageous and will applaud both your major and minor accomplishments.
Take small steps. Bravery grows every time you do something that scares you. For some of us that may be speaking in public, publishing a book, or trying a new physical challenge….our fears vary and are as unique as our fingerprints. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Not to frighten yourself but to grow more confident and skillful at overcoming whatever is holding you back. Develop courage and resilience by facing and navigating your fears one small step at a time.
What step will you take today to practice being brave?
An Invitation:
On the evening of July 15th, at the Be Courageous Retreat from 5:30-8:30 pm, women will have the opportunity to Zip, Swing, and Leap out of their comfort zone.
Now that I’ve mastered my fear of the zip line and swing I look forward to doing them again for fun. This year I am anticipating the opportunity to do a new challenge: The Leap of Faith – jumping from the top of a telephone pole to a trapeze bar while attached to a safety line. I’m not sure if I’m going to do it yet and trust that I will make that decision when I’m there. Whether I am cheering others on or receiving support as I take the leap, I will be fully present and engaged with the experience. Either way will be fine. One of the things I love about this community of women is the permission to be myself. I am good enough just as I am, and so are you.
If you would like to try one, two, or all three of these physical challenges with the support of an encouraging group of women who are practicing being brave, then register by July 10th to secure your spot and plan to join us for a picnic dinner afterwards to celebrate your accomplishment!
Click here if you want to see two short videos of Coach Carol’s free-fall swing and the team support afterwards.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is a speaker, author, and coach specializing in strengths-based leadership development. She is also co-founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats which offers fun, enriching, and supportive events for women-on-the-grow. Write to her at [email protected] or visit her website: www.caroldelaski.com for more information about her speaking and coaching services.
Save
by Carol deLaski | Jun 25, 2014 | Courage, Laura Hall, Retreats
I believe that it’s important to become comfortable being uncomfortable. Let’s be honest, life is often uncomfortable! When was the last time you remember feeling uncomfortable? Do you have discomfort triggers?
Do difficult conversations cause you to squirm in your seat? How do you feel about public speaking, or how about watching someone who is struggling with public speaking? Does being in an elevator with strangers wig you out? What was it like to talk to your kids about the birds and the bees? Are you comfortable with people crying? Does it make a difference whether the crier is male or female? When your bank account balance drops below a certain level, does that make you uncomfortable? How do you feel when someone asks you, “Why are you so quiet? Or “Why are you so loud? Are there situations at work that make you feel uncomfortable? Yes, life can often be uncomfortable.
In my earlier years I would often run from discomfort. If something was outside of my comfort zone, I would avoid it at all costs. That strategy worked for me for a little while, but eventually it caught up to me. What happened was that I noticed there were big picture things I wanted to do, but some of the details were out of my comfort zone. For example, I knew I wanted to become a life coach, but the idea of having to coach a master certified coach was outside of my comfort zone (quite frankly, it scared me more than I wanted to admit). I knew at that time that I needed to adopt a new strategy, and since that time I’ve been practicing being comfortable being uncomfortable.
So what are some of the problems with the comfort zone? The problems that come to mind for me is that it limits my learning or experiencing new things, it keeps me closed minded, it can get so comfortable that I get lazy or complacent. It can lead to boredom.
Rational psychologist, Windy Dryden, author of the book, “10 Steps to Positive Living”, says that a lot of human suffering comes from being intolerant of discomfort. He says that the reason we are intolerant of discomfort is because we massively overestimate how uncomfortable our feared situations will be, and that the more we avoid these situations, the more uncomfortable we’ll find them. So maybe I’m on to something in trying to practice being comfortable being uncomfortable.
Dryden says, that the more you practice putting yourself in uncomfortable situations, the more your brain habituates to them. Or in my words, being comfortable being uncomfortable leads to more comfort 🙂
Just for fun, I took a quick survey of my husband,my children, my friend, and her kids around the question, “Why do you think it’s important to step out of you your comfort zone?”. Here are their responses:
- It stretches you to grow
- It challenges you and helps you see just how strong you really are
- It gives you courage when you face a fear
- It gets you to try new things and learn new thing
- It builds your confidence
Now it’s your turn…Why do you think it’s important to step outside your comfort zone?
Are you ready to walk your talk? Wholistic Woman Retreat’s next event is titled “Be Courageous” and it’s about stepping outside your comfort zone. Consider joining us on July 15th for a positive, enriching and encouraging evening with other Wholistic Women. Click here for details
And for a little taste of what you can expect from the zip line portion of the evening, check out this video:
[yframe url=’http://youtu.be/Z4EcDqbphb8′]
https://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4EcDqbphb8&feature=em-share_video_user
Hope you see you there!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
Save
by Carol deLaski | Jun 19, 2014 | Courage, Family, Guest Blogging
In my daily review of Facebook yesterday, I saw a Youtube clip of Amy Grant, the singer, talking about her father who is in the throes of full-blown dementia. She had 3 tips for dealing with the care of an aging parent and her words stuck with me all day.
The first tip was most profound. She said (loosely quoted) “frame your experience to one of meaning…this is part of your journey…make sure this part of your life is not one filled with regret…this may be the last great lesson you learn from [your parent]…”. Her comment prompted me to do something very practical and useful that has helped me in many difficult situations: reflect on what I have learned and am learning.
My mother became a single parent when my 3 brothers and I were young, ages 4, 6, 9 (me), and 11. She had to go to work full time after being a stay at home mom for 13 years.
The first lesson I learned from her at that point was to accept help. My grandparents lived close by and assisted in whatever way they could. We also had babysitters and helped each other when we could.
I learned the value of planning and organization as I watched her make the casseroles for the week every Sunday afternoon so we could have a hot dinner when she got home Monday through Friday at 6:00 pm.
I learned to cook (later, after the casserole phase) when I was a young teenager as the only time I could manage to get 15 minutes with her was in the kitchen as she was preparing our dinner. She would stop our conversation to say, “see how I melted the butter, added the flour then the milk to make the white sauce…”.
I learned about corporate politics as she would tell me about her day at work.
I learned that no matter how difficult things get, that there is always hope and a way out. Things will always look better in the morning, she would say.
I learned to depend on myself by having to do my own laundry, be responsible for my own things, and manage all my own activities and schoolwork. There was no one to drive us anywhere so we rode our bikes and walked everywhere. I learned how to navigate my surroundings. We were latchkey kids before the term was coined.
There are many more lessons I learned from her in the past and Amy Grant’s comments encouraged me to look at what I am learning from my mother now. What is perhaps the “last great lesson” in the final stretch of her life?
My mother, even with the Alzheimer’s, still epitomizes the perseverance I saw from that single mom with 4 small children. She gets up everyday, showers, when encouraged and prompted, then struggles with identifying how to dress in the clothes that have been laid out for her. When she comes down for breakfast, she has already accomplished a very difficult task, without complaint.
She chimes into the conversation when it doesn’t appear that she is listening with a humorous comment, and she still knows how to laugh, and reminds me how important laughter is.
Most of all, she has taught me that grace, love, and courage are essential to maintaining the highest quality of life possible given these circumstances. Her sweet demeanor encourages everyone around her to want to help. Even though she doesn’t understand why all these strangers are in her kitchen caring for her, she still occasionally reaches over to squeeze my arm and tell me she loves me. I know she is terrified in many ways of all the unfamiliar everyday things she faces, and she still musters her courage and keeps going.
This last lesson in my mother’s life has been one of extraordinary meaning for me. I am honored and proud that I am able to be a part of caring for her. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I encourage you to reflect frequently on what life lessons you are learning on your journey. I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Lisa
P.S.- Amy Grant’s other 2 tips were to spread the responsibilities out for the care of your loved one to all the emotional communities that can help, and to make sure (early in life) that there is a good financial plan (via insurance) so that when the funds are needed, they are there. [I echo this tip, Long Term Care Insurance has been a life saver for us!]. If you are interested in watching the Amy Grant clip, the link is below.
Amy Grant
Today’s author: Lisa DiSciullo, CPCC, is a Certified Life Coach in Summit, NJ, with her own practice working with her clients as they are developing clarity, growth, and fulfillment in their lives. She is a founding member of the Wholistic Woman Retreats group and a Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program. She can be reached at [email protected].
Save
by Carol deLaski | Sep 4, 2013 | Business, Carol deLaski, Courage, Personal Development, Professional Development
“What’s your word?” I asked the thoughtful-looking woman standing before me. She gazed off into the distance and said quietly, “Acceptance. It’s the lens through which I’m challenging myself with some hard questions. For example, I’ve been dieting for months and have been experiencing success. So now I need to ask myself, ‘When will I stop? When will I accept that I’ve lost enough weight?’ My word is also challenging me to accept my 17- year-old daughter for who she’s becoming, even in little ways, such as accepting what clothes she chooses to wear to school each day.”
Words carry energy. There’s no denying it. I’ve always been fascinated by this fact. Words can motivate and inspire us to greatness, or in one fell swoop they can deflate and discourage us.
Have you noticed what words carry great energy for you?
This year I’ve been using a theme word as a lens through which I view my professional and personal life. My word is Believe. It came to me after following a process outlined in the book, One Word to Change Your Life by Britton, Page, and Gordon. I have now taught and coached this process to many others as well, and I am inspired by the stories I have heard as a result of this work.
The process is about receiving a word that is meant to guide you for an entire year. Instead of going through a mental exercise of picking a good word, the process is about creating a quiet space, both physically and mentally, to open your heart and receive a great word. The process can move swiftly or it can take time. One of my clients waited two full months before her word became clear to her. She patiently tested various words during that time, but none of them felt quite right until one day, two months into the process, a particular word resonated with her heart and she knew she had found it. Discerning the word that is meant for you takes patience, observation, and self-awareness. It means bypassing your thoughts and paying attention to what your heart is guiding you towards.
Examples of words that I’ve seen people embrace this year are: Open, Ask, Courage, Surrender, Positivity, Patience, Discipline, Observe, Plans, Light, Breathe, and Change.
What a variety! The good news is that there is no right or wrong word.
Some people embrace, their word immediately, while others resist it. Certain words have even initially evoked fear. One woman in particular received the word Courage. Her first response was that she didn’t want the word because she didn’t want anything to occur to her that would require courage. She wisely chose to test, or live, with the word for a day to see what she could learn about it. During this trial period she asked her husband if he ever thought she was courageous, and he surprised her with several powerful examples that provided her with a new perspective on herself. She also read the definition of courage in the dictionary and learned that the word originates from coer, which means heart. Lastly, she noticed that a favorite word, and activity of hers, providing encouragement to others, contained courage within it. Armed with this information, she was able to accept what her heart already knew; this was to be her word for the year.
I am now expanding my appreciation of the energy that words hold as I prepare for the Wholistic Woman Heart Centered Leadership Retreat. As I learn about the Seven Principles of Heart Centered Leadership I am drawn to this particular principle: Know the Impact of your Words and Actions. It encourages heart-centered people to speak and act with integrity, and to wisely choose the words we use at work and at home. Leading lives that are guided by our hearts, instead of entirely by our heads, isn’t always easy. To do so we need to learn how to listen, and follow, the inner nudges which move us forward towards our higher purpose. I look forward to learning more about the seven principles of heart-centered leadership at the retreat and applying them to my personal and professional life. I hope you will join me there!
For details about the one day retreat on Friday September 27th, visit: www.wholisticwomanretreats.com
Carol deLaski is a Certified Leadership coach, speaker, and author. She works with individuals and businesses to focus and develop effective leadership skills for greater success. To contact her, email [email protected]
Save
A special thank you to Wholistic Women Retreats and the coaches who plan this amazing event each year. And another huge thanks to Clive Felgate and his amazing team at Upward Enterprises. I can’t wait for next year’s adventure!