Have you ever felt lost? Have you ever had an experience you just couldn’t explain? Coaches Carol, Laura, and Kelye talk about Carol’s book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith in this fifth podcast episode. Play in your browser with the media player below or click “WWR Coaches Discuss Lost and Found”.
What does financial independence mean to you?
Maybe you think being independent financially doesn’t pertain to you because you are in a marriage or committed relationship.
OR
Perhaps you think that if you are independent, you are excluding your family and loved ones from your financial decisions.
OR
If you’re single, it may be that you take your financial autonomy for granted. Financial independence is your way of life.
As a Financial Coach, my perspective regarding financial independence has changed drastically over the years. I used to think in traditional ways about money and independence. Through working with female clients, I have learned the importance for women to have their own sense of independence in managing their money. Statistically, we are more likely to be in situations that require us to be autonomous with money. Women live longer than men. We earn less than our male counterparts, and as a whole, we are more likely to live alone either by choice or circumstance.
While I was single, I was the only one who I needed to consider when making financial decisions. After getting married, I made the transition to sharing my finances with my husband. These were easy tasks: creating a joint checking account, adding each other as beneficiaries on our retirement accounts, making sure that both of our names were listed on our assets, all of which felt like a rite of passage. In addition to our marriage vows, I felt these steps were a part of “sealing the deal.” It wasn’t difficult, but I now know we missed a few crucial steps in the process. Steps that would have saved us from financially stumbling and ultimately falling through the first decade of married life.
The first (and most important) step we missed was not talking about money. We were in love, and talking about it didn’t seem necessary. We were optimistic about everything! Our love buoyed us above the mundane topics, floating on the optimistic notion that this love would see us through, no matter what the future had in store for us. We had no idea of the dangerous waters churning below the surface that would pull us down to despair, almost drowning both of us.
Early in our marriage neither of us had an independent voice in making money decisions. We found ourselves making these decisions on the fly, not wanting to rock the boat. We didn’t discuss how the decisions we were making early on may have long term consequences. The tsunami of financial fallout wouldn’t overcome us for a few years, but the emotional queasiness was already taking hold. My inner voice was sending me warnings, but was drowned out by my outer voice-the one who wanted to pretend that we were navigating our finances with ease.
The next misstep was not understanding what each of us valued. I valued being perceived as being successful. I wanted the beautiful, shiny things that I thought made us look well-off. The cars, the clothes, and the perfectly decorated house, all to show the world that we were prospering. Little did I know that my husband valued doing whatever made me happy–not rocking the boat that was already being thrashed about by the huge wave of consequences that would almost sink us in the not too distant future.
Our vision for our future was wrought with unspoken truths, and navigating the unruly waters of denial would prove to drown us in overwhelming debt. There would be no future without finally speaking our truth and committing to a future by starting over. In order to save ourselves, we took the step of talking about our individual visions for the future and worked toward a common vision for us as a couple.
Sometimes, in order to move forward, we need to step back. The choppy waters of finance can be navigated by finding your voice and understanding your values and vision with money. By using these as your inner compass, you will bring true authenticity to your relationship with others, and more importantly, your relationship with money. Financial independence is the lighthouse that will keep you (and anyone you may share your money with) on the right course!
To learn more about Jane’s approach to financial independence, attend her evening retreat, Be Independent on May 30th from 5:30-7:30 pm.
Today’s Author: Jane Helm is the Principal of Money Mentor Group. As a wealth coach, Jane combines decades of financial services experience with a degree in social work and psychology to bring positive financial change to her client’s lives. She is a Partner Coach with the Wholistic Coaching Coalition and co-founded the Build Your Own Business networking group. Jane can be reached via email at [email protected]
How do you have compassion for yourself or others? Do you speak to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend, or are you harsher on yourself? Coaches Carol, Laura, and Kelye explore the topic of compassion in this fourth podcast episode. Play in your browser with the media player below or click “WWR Coaches Discuss Compassion”.
As the weather begins to warm up and the days become longer, we may feel a shift in our body and mind. It’s very normal this time of year. It’s a time when our body wants to be rid of things that may have been weighing itself down from the winter. We yearn to feel lighter and refreshed in mind, body, and spirit!
As the seasons change, a cleanse could be very beneficial. Cleansing should occur at least once or twice a year, but it is also suggested that as the seasons change, a good cleanse can better prepare us for the coming season. Just like the temperature, the foods we eat change throughout the year. Going from spring to summer, the body is preparing itself for some of the busiest months of the year.
Traditionally, cultures all around the world have practiced seasonal cleansing in different ways. Springtime is the time to give your liver some extra love too. The liver is how the body removes toxins, and that is how the liver earns the spot of one of the hardest working organs!
The liver works with many other organs in our body to detox blood, produce bile, break down hormones, and act as a storage facility for our vitamins and minerals. If the liver is not functioning properly, it affects many other areas of our body.
Some more important functions of the liver include removing old blood cells, helping the intestines process nutrients, chemical production for blood clotting, the breakdown and metabolizing of alcohol and consumed medications, and the production of necessary proteins and cholesterol. When people hear ‘liver disease’, they typically think of alcoholism, but that is not the only cause of liver disease or failure.
Some other risk factors associated with liver disease include low potassium levels, drug use, exposure to certain chemicals, obesity, processed foods, viral infections, and autoimmune diseases.
If your liver is not performing at its best, you may experience gas or bloating, constipation, heartburn, acid reflux, yellowish tint to skin and eyes, high blood pressure, difficulty losing weight, cognitive difficulties, dark urine, poor appetite, and chronic fatigue.
If you want to support your liver, there are certain foods you should focus on. These foods include beets, carrots, tomatoes, grapefruit, spinach, citrus fruits, cabbage, turmeric, walnuts, avocados, apples, Brussels sprouts, garlic, dandelion root, leafy green vegetables, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, green tea, artichoke, olive oil and alternative grains like quinoa, millet and buckwheat.
There are several food programs, supplements and other programs available to cleanse your liver. It’s important to find the one that is best for you. Consult your doctor if you have any concerns or questions.
Below are some general tips that have worked for me:
Adopting a healthier lifestyle or cleansing into the spring season may provide much more energy, improved digestion, healthier and brighter skin, better sleep, reduced stress, and better mental clarity and cognitive functioning; along with a boost to your immune system and more balanced blood sugar levels.
The spring season isn’t just a time for spring cleaning your closet. It’s important to reflect on things that have been weighing you down or things that may be toxic. Consider different stressors in your life. They play a huge part in your health and body function.
In addition to a spring cleanse, I recommend considering products you may be using, people that are in your life, habits that may need some adjusting, and choices that may or may not be serving you well. Moving forward, listen to your “gut” and give some thought to where small changes could greatly impact your health and happiness. There is no better time to Spring into Better Health!
Today’s author: Kim Wilson is a Certified Holistic Health Coach (CHC) and owns her own business, Kim Wilson, LLC, which specializes in empowering and educating women to get to the root of what’s going on with their own unique, individual body. She works with women one-on-one and coaches through online groups and programs. Learn more about Kim at her website www.kimwilson.me, from her Facebook page, or find her on Instagram.
How do you connect with others? What are some of your most valuable connections and relationships? Coaches Carol, Laura, and Kelye explore the topic of connection in this third podcast episode. Play in your browser with the media player below or click “WWR Coaches Discuss Connection”.
One of the things I like to do before going to bed is to make sure there are no dishes in the sink. I like coming down in the morning to start my day feeling calm, peaceful and curious about what the new day will bring. What I know to be true about myself and how I operate best in the world, is that the stuff around me affects my energy…. when my space feels peaceful, I feel peaceful. A sink full of dirty dishes feels messy and chaotic to me so that is why I make a point, most nights, to clean it up before I retire for the evening. The problem is that I am almost always the first person to go to bed and sometimes more dishes accumulate. This was the case last night.
My daughter is home from college for Easter, and she and her boyfriend were up several hours after me. This morning the sink wasn’t as neat and tidy as I had left it. One of the items in the sink was my favorite mug. You know the one… it’s the one that is just the right size, that fits in your hands perfectly and that when you drink out of it, you just can’t help but feel happy. I was up early this morning to get ready for my exercise class. When I came downstairs, I saw the mug in the sink. I knew that when I returned home, after the workout, I would want to use it to enjoy a nice cup of tea, so instead of putting it in the dishwasher, I began to hand wash it. Now, mind you, it is about 4:45 am and although I am a morning person by nature, I’m not fully awake yet. I’m not sure exactly what happened but suffice it to say that the mug slipped from my hand and broke 🙁
What happened next, you might be wondering!?! Well, I picked the pieces up, put them in the trash, and headed out the door without any negative thoughts or feelings. I don’t know about you, but for me, this felt like a little miracle, because not that many years ago, what happened next would have looked a lot different.
Here’s how the Laura from a few years would have reacted…
There would have been a significant amount of criticism directed at both myself, as well as my daughter. My inner critic would have had a field day. My self-talk would have been something like, “You are so clumsy! Why aren’t you more careful?!? If you would just slow down a little bit, things like this wouldn’t happen!” Blah, blah, blah….
But it doesn’t stop there! When something goes wrong, our egos want to project any negative thoughts and feelings away from ourselves and onto someone or something else, so my daughter would have been part of my inner critics rant as well. My inner dialog around her may have sounded something like this… “If only she hadn’t left the mug in the sink, this wouldn’t have happened! She knows I don’t like leaving dishes in the sink overnight! It’s like she doesn’t even care about what matters to me!” Blah, blah, blah…
Self-Criticism and blame would have disrupted my calm, peaceful and curious start to my day. I would have been frustrated and angry! But, I didn’t go there! That was the miracle 🙂
As I reflect back on where I am today versus where I was several years ago it is easy to see how far I’ve come. So the question I’m sure at least a few of you are asking is, ‘How did you get to where you are today’. The answer is by practicing being compassionate and really paying attention to my self-talk. I’ve been using something I call ‘ace-ing compassion‘. Here is how it works…
You saw in my story above that before I started practicing being compassionate that my thoughts were all very critical – both of myself as well as of my daughter.
Once I looked at the mug situation with curiosity, what I saw was that I actually believe I am a pretty coordinated person and not overly clumsy. The mug was slippery from the soap and I really believe it was just an accident. And, the truth about my daughter is that I know she loves me deeply, and blaming her would not help the situation.
In my case, here is how I shifted my self-talk to be more compassionate and more in line with how I would talk to someone I love… “Don’t be so hard on yourself…It was an accident! And, it’s just a mug that can easily be replaced. Please don’t worry about it.” Then I shifted my inner dialog around my daughter. Instead of blaming or criticizing her, I chose to remind myself that I know she loves me…that sometimes I too leave dishes in the sink usually because I’m just so tired by the time I’m making my way to bed that it feels easier and, when I really think about it, I’m not sure I’ve ever actually told her that this is something that is important to me.
One of my guiding life principles is this…”Be the change you wish to see in the world”. A quote attributed to Mahatma Gandhi. I believe we can all agree that more compassion in the world would be a wonderful thing. So if you are like me and would like to expand compassion in your life, I hope you will consider joining me and the Wholistic Woman community on April 25th in Frederick, Maryland. I will be leading a workshop title ‘Be Compassionate’ where we will be exploring this topic. If you’d like more information, please click here.
In the meantime, I love hearing from you! If you start experimenting with the ‘ACE-ing compassion’ process, please let me know what you think. Talking to yourself like you would talk to your best friend or someone you love is such a simple concept but it doesn’t mean it’s easy. Please share your successes as well as your struggles. We all learn from one another. You just might be the teacher someone is waiting to hear from 🙂
Thanks for taking the time to read this and I hope you look for ways to bring more compassion in to you life today and in the days ahead. ~ Laura
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com