by Carol deLaski | Dec 5, 2016 | Carol deLaski
Have you ever heard it said that our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses?
What does that really mean? Well, to me, it means that we don’t necessarily know how to use our natural talents effectively. Without sufficient boundaries around our talents, we can easily face problematic situations simply because we’re overdoing something. Too much of a good thing can end up being be a bad thing.
In my work as a strengths coach I enjoy helping people identify and manage their natural talents. We begin by learning what the individual’s strengths are and then explore how to effectively use those strengths to consistently produce the desired results at work, and in life overall.
I’ll give you an example from my own life.
My top five strengths (according to Gallup’s Strengths Finder assessment) are Empathy, Strategic, Positivity, Developer, and Woo (which stands for winning others over). Every day I have the opportunity to use these strengths in various combinations to create excellence in my work and life.
I like to imagine five sauce pans on a stovetop (one for each of my strengths). I create just the right mixture every day to generate positive results. Depending on the situation, I may choose to turn down the heat on one strength and move it to the back burner to let it simmer, while dialing up the heat on another strength and move it to the front burner. I choose how much of each strength I am using in any given situation.
When my strengths mixture serves me well my Empathy creates intuitive emotional connections with others; my Strategic thinking helps me problem solve challenges with them; my Positivity brings enthusiasm and energy to our conversations; my Developer sees their full potential and ways to help them grow into more of who they want to be; and my Woo will go to great lengths to make connections with them. When all five of my strengths are operating optimally I could work for hours and still feel energized, motivated, and deeply fulfilled. Time flies when I’m functioning at my best.
My strengths don’t always serve me well, however. In my opinion, each strength has a light and a dark side. When my strengths are operating on the light side they are like a well-oiled machine, firing on all cylinders, and bringing about the successes I desire. When the dark sides of my strengths appear, problems can arise; I usually feel overwhelmed or I see that I am overwhelming others. In those moments, my strengths are simply too much.
What exactly is the dark side of a strength? The answer to this varies dependent upon the individual and the particular strength. I define the dark side as moments when a strength isn’t producing the desired outcome; when the strength becomes unmanageable for you or for the person with whom you are interacting.
For example, here is what I’ve learned about the dark sides of my five strengths. I drift into the shadowy side of Empathy when I get lost in other people’s feelings. I feel confused about the best boundaries between my own emotions and those of someone else.
I experience the dark side of my Strategic thinking when I get ahead of others. At times, I see what’s possible before others do and can be impatient while waiting for them to accept my ideas.
Can there be a dark side to Positivity? Yes, there can. I have learned that if I don’t acknowledge the negative feelings and experiences of others, Positivity can seem false or forced. I need to balance it with genuine understanding of life challenges.
Developer, too, doesn’t appear to have a dark side at first but I have found that it does over time. This strength is having the ability to see the potential in others and to help them grow. I use it when I teach and when I coach clients. The dark side of it occurs when I try to develop someone who isn’t interested or ready to grow and change. That can lead to frustration and pain on both sides.
And what could be the dark side of WOO (winning others over)? For me, it has to do with people pleasing. I need to ask myself what am I willing to do to win someone over? Will I compromise too much – give too much away – in my effort to develop, empathize and woo them? Will I try to please them so much that I lose myself?
This gives you a glimpse into my understanding of the light and dark sides of my five strengths. If you were to ask someone else with these particular strengths about the benefits and challenges of them they might provide different explanations because we are each unique. Our self-awareness is made up of many components in addition to our strengths, including such things as our birth order, family of origin, education, values, life experiences and more.
One of the keys to being your best, though, is to know yourself well and manage your strengths effectively. Life is a wonderful laboratory where we get to experiment every day with new combinations of our strengths. With trial and error, we learn what combinations may work best with certain people or in certain situations. One solution does not fit all. New strengths mixtures will be needed every day. Get creative and see what strengths you can mix today to benefit your colleagues, family and friends. This is a lifelong journey where you can continually manage and refine your abilities to create the success you desire.
You may ask, does all this talk of strengths mean that I have to always be strong?
No, it does not. Being self-aware about your strengths means that you have the opportunity to manage them. You can enjoy validation when interactions are going well and subsequently you have options to work with when things aren’t going well. As mentioned above, one option is to catch yourself as you start to drift into the shadows of your strengths and initiate a course correction.
Knowing the areas of your lesser talents (which many call weaknesses) is important too. It allows you to find complementary partners – people who excel in those areas where you do not – to work and live alongside you. You don’t have to excel at everything. It’s enough to develop your natural talents to excellence and then collaborate with people who also strive to be their best to create complementary and winning partnerships. We are designed to live and work together; not to be alone.
My favorite book says that when we are weak we are strong. When I face my own weaknesses I become motivated to seek assistance from others who have the strength I need. Sometimes that is a person in my personal or professional circles; other times it is a complete stranger; and at other times it’s my faith in God that provides the strength I need. It is freeing to realize that I have a network of support around me. I am an imperfect work-in-progress, trying to be my best on a daily basis, sometimes succeeding and sometimes falling short, but always learning and growing into more of who I am uniquely designed to be. And that’s enough.
Today’s Author: Carol deLaski, executive coach, author, and founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats. If you would like to learn more about learning and managing your strengths, please email her at [email protected] to schedule a free consultation.
by Carol deLaski | Nov 23, 2016 | Guest Blogging
Successful vacations, in many ways, are similar to successful holiday experiences. As we enter into 2016’s holiday season, we encourage you to take the time to think about what types of experiences you would like to have this year.
This week’s blog by WWR member, Linda Norris-Waldt gives you her take on 5 different ways to have a successful vacation. You just might be able to use some of these ideas to enhance your holiday experiences. Enjoy!
I’ve been vacationing for more than 50 years–both the kinds of vacations where I was “taken along” as a child, and many, many vacations that I have planned as an adult. Like major family holidays, vacations can carry lots of baggage with them–both literally and figuratively. The expectations we have of them are often unrealistic; the disappointment we feel when a vacation doesn’t “relax us” can leave us feeling deflated and even with a curious sense of wasted money and time.
I’ve let that happen to myself too many times, and on a recent trip away–where things didn’t turn out the way we had hoped with incessant rain at the beach, in my middle-aged wisdom I made a conscious decision to turn the tables on disappointment. What I got was a rest–which was just what I needed. After all, vacation is, from the Latin “freedom from occupation”.
Take a look at these vacation models and see if your next vacation fits. But wait till it’s over–you never know what’s in store for you if you keep an open mind!
A Change of Mindset. This kind of vacation can be accomplished in a variety of ways, but the underlying theme is, put aside the YOU who left home and, almost like an alter ego, embrace new things. (Remember the Seinfeld episode in which George does the complete opposite of normal?) Foods, sites, adventures, people, culture and countries….these are all options that help you delve into your deepest self and notice whether you’ve been missing an element of who you are. Warning: this type of vacation is hard to do from the comfort of home!
Release of Expectations. After all these years of vacationing, I finally experienced this kind of true peace only recently. We were expecting sun-drenched fall days on a sandy warm beach only to be drenched by days of rain. Maybe you were expecting a certain port of call that was, well, called off. There are many ways that we trap ourselves by idealizing a vacation. Without creatively embracing the new vision, we miss opportunities for a different kind of refreshment. For us, three days of heavy rains turn into sighting of shorebirds unknown to those parts who were blown in by the storm, and a bike trip during a few-hours break from the rain on a windswept, magical storm-tossed marshland park.
A Feast of People. We’ve all had those vacations; the beachhouse bacchanalias of our youth, or the big extended family trips with cousins in every square foot of sleep space. Or, a cruise filled with meeting new people, or a group destination tour. These experiences can be cherished for not only a chance of better knowing the people dear to you, but of sifting through varying human natures to learn more about yourself. (This attitude can be especially helpful when putting a group of people together causes conflicts that must be endured, at least until the vacation ends!) You can come away from a vacation like this with a completely different outlook on your life, your work, and the people you love.
A Solo Journey. Most of us don’t make many of these, but everyone should be tuned in to the need at some point in your life when you’re ready. You can make it an organized retreat with structured meditation, hiking or activities with people you don’t know, or simply create your favorite solo experience, camping, a hotel or B& B, or a house-sitting for a friend. These solo trips can be disconcerting for those of us used to always having people around, but once you tune into yourself, you will want to have paper, journals, computer, paint brush or paints–whatever is the best way to express yourself. Once you settle into solitude, your inner self will be itching to come out.
Stay Put and Rest. There are times your body tells you its simply needs to BE. These vacations can be helpful for recovering from family crises, work overload, health issues — there are many reasons we need to learn to be still. Do not be tempted to do things for the sake of “being on vacation” when your soul tells you, it needs to be quiet. Walk quietly, sleep, read, meditate. It will refresh you in ways you never dreamed.
Today’s guest blogger, Linda Norris-Waldt is a writer, journalist and sustainability advocate who is a committed member of the Wholistic Woman community and a believer in self reflection and life coaching. Her business is NW Communications.
by Carol deLaski | Oct 27, 2016 | Kelye Rouse-Brown
The magic number 5.
When you get the news that you have cancer, the number you strive for is five! I’m happy to say that this is my fifth year as a cancer survivor. To be honest, it has felt a little different…a time to pause and reflect on this stage of my life…where it all began and why celebration is key.
I recently held my sixth ‘Dress for a Cure’ fashion show which raises money for FORCE – Facing our Risk of Cancer Empowered. I founded ‘Dress for a Cure’ a year prior to being diagnosed with breast cancer because my mother was battling ovarian cancer. My mom and I were prepared since we both had learned we were BRCA1 positive (breast cancer positive). BRCA1 is the most common gene associated with breast and ovarian cancer.
When something big happens, whether it’s positive or not-so-positive, my approach is to look for a way to see it as an opportunity. In the past, my mother used to say “it is what it is” and she meant it in a positive way, like…ok, what’s next, and that helps me along the way. I love how she embraced life.
This year, more than any other, I paused and reflected on the past five years as a cancer survivor. These are the TAKE 5 thoughts that have grounded me through it all:
1 – Heritage – remembering the past is special and the stories are the best part. Heritage…is what it is. I have felt the need to slow down and simplify life more. My mother lived a simple, but filled life. I have been craving ‘what is’ and perhaps that explains why my One Word “roots” came into my life this year. I went back to Oklahoma to visit my mom’s farm and family so that I could focus on where her life began and explore what’s been passed onto me.
What stories do you often talk about that have shaped who you are?
2 – Team and Community– go hand in hand. I have learned you can’t do it alone and why would you want to? A team is there to celebrate and cheer you on or lift you up when you fall down. My team on surgery day was key and I will never forget how I felt before going into my 13 hour surgery and how I felt all the weeks after. My community is what keeps me going year after year and it has grown over the years.
Who is on your team, and in your community that lifts you up and celebrates life with you?
3 – Be (+) Positive – this is something you have control of. B(e) positive is not only my blood type, it’s also my mindset and top strength. It is what gets me through life’s ups and downs. This mindset has played a big part of my life journey towards healing and becoming healthier and happier. I guess you could say it’s in my blood.
How do you handle the ups and downs in your life?
4 – Boots – resemble strength to me. I have been embracing my brave-girl boots. We have heard the saying, “you are what you eat”… how about “you are what you wear”! Putting on my brave-girl boots over the past five years has helped me feel stronger. It’s also why my ‘Dress for a Cure’ event evolved to ‘Dress for a Cure: Give Cancer the Boot’. It’s why I called my trip to OK – Roots to Boots. I have made a strong connection – heritage to bravery.
What do you wear that makes you feel brave and strong?
5 – Celebration of Life – this is what life is about, in my opinion. As we go through life we look forward to celebrating milestones. I get to decide which milestones I celebrate. They can be simple and small…or big, like my five year survivor celebration.
How do you celebrate milestones, big and small?
Truthfully, we are all survivors in some way. I am a five year breast cancer survivor. I am also a survivor of many other things in life. I will continue to move forward and Take these 5 tips for myself.
How will you take them for you?
There is so much to be grateful for and to celebrate. I invite you to join the Wholistic Woman members and coaches at our annual Gratitude dinner on November 16 from 6-9 pm at Dutch’s Daughter. If you aren’t a member yet, you may join now for 2017 and attend this year’s gratitude dinner. Come appreciate and celebrate with us! Click here for details
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
by Carol deLaski | Oct 12, 2016 | Guest Blogging
Your personal brand is your unique promise of value. Delivering excellence is about setting a high standard for yourself and focusing on getting as good as you can possibly be over time. Ultimately, it is inward focused.
When it comes to my work, the amount of time, effort and energy I put in determines my end result. Since my work is important to me, I give my best effort. I want my work deliverables to be high-quality and valuable since they are an extension of my personal brand. For me, putting my all into my work shows that I care which is key to developing my personal brand.
Having the desire to produce excellence is key for women in leadership who want to proactively drive their careers. Here are a few behaviors demonstrated by successful female leaders that can help you advance your excellence and build your brand as you contribute to your organization’s success.
Believe and visualize your future achievements as a way of preparing for your future success. Imagine yourself already in your next level role. Then, envision what you want to do and focus on how to get there. Map out your personal leadership growth strategy – assess your skills, share your interests, seek out a mentor, and discover new ways to elevate your unique strengths in service to others.
Seize opportunities to contribute to your organization’s success. Make an impact in business and deliver your personal brand excellence.
Be willing to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there, even if it instills fear. Author, Tom Peters, who wrote In Search Of Excellence, said “If a window of opportunity appears, don’t pull down the shade.” Be courageous and learn to overcome fear to fulfill your potential.
There are opportunities to lead, demonstrate your value and expand your success for anyone who wants to take them. Keep yourself focused and your personal brand development on track by taking small steps daily toward seeking mastery as a leader and focus on being as extraordinary as YOU can be.
Today’s author, Heather Nunley is an Executive Coach and Leadership Consultant who specializes in working with organizational leaders and teams to leverage their brilliance and design a better way to work. Brilliance Work provides executive coaching, interactive workshops, executive roundtables and various customized consulting programs for organizations.
If you’d like to hear more from Heather, she will be co-leading, Be Unique, a Wholistic Woman Retreats event being held on October 26th in Frederick, MD. For details on this event, click here. Hope you will consider joining us!
by Carol deLaski | Oct 3, 2016 | Guest Blogging, Self-Care
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” –Dr. Seuss
As children we accept this simple truth — we are uniquely created individuals. Too often, as adults, we forget. When does this psychological sabotage happen and why do we stop embracing our Youniqness?
Typically this perspective change happens unconsciously. Studies have shown the average brain processes 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day. That’s 48 thoughts per minute. Which means that we need to ask ourselves how many of these thoughts are negatively impacting our perspective through false comparisons or unrealistic expectations?
Our DNA, the genetic code that dictates our gender, appearance, and propensities, determines much of what makes us unique. It is present in every one of our 10 trillion cells. If you removed a person’s genetic code and stretched it out, end to end, it would reach from the earth to the sun 100 times! This vast assortment of code is combined in an infinite array of possibilities. As a result, no two people are the same. We are each an original design of a master craftsman.
So, why were we made with so much genetic diversity? Is there some sort of implicit purpose to our uniqueness? What did our Creator have in mind? If we were created this way, why do we try so hard to be like someone else?”
Comparison does not equal inspiration. Comparing our ‘average’ life to another’s ‘highlight reel’ often causes us to feel worse about ourselves rather than encouraging us to be better. It is in grasping this understanding that we can begin to appreciate another woman’s beauty without allowing it to take away from our own. To celebrate another woman’s success without it diminishing what we’ve accomplished. To recognize someone else’s intelligence without feeling inadequate.
The word unique means “having no like or equal.” As unique individuals we have no equal, hence no need of comparison. Instead, we can embrace our very own DNA. Let us learn to appreciate and communicate that we are Designed, Necessary, and Able.
We are Designed. As an architect brings his masterpiece to life through imagination, creativity, and adoration, we have a designer who made us with great creativity and love. You are not an accident. You are a unique design; a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.
We are Necessary. Each one of us has special character traits, strengths, and skills given to us to fulfill our purpose. Whether you are a hard-working mom, employee, or CEO, you have been gifted with specific gifts that make you necessary to your world.
We are Able. We all occasionally struggle with doubt and fear. These can cause us to question our abilities or value to our world. Often these doubts are compounded by past mistakes, struggles, or perceived failures. This can make us afraid to try again or too tired to put in the hard work it may take to accomplish our goals. Being ‘able’ requires us to accept ourselves. It empowers us to accept that we cannot change the past, but are able to affect the present and build our future. When we begin to embrace our true DNA, we are more able to celebrate our attributes, live authentically, accept ourselves and love others.
October’s Be Unique Evening Retreat will delve deeper into discovering, understanding, and embracing our unique DNA. Please consider this your invitation to join us! Click here for details
Today’s author: Affiliate Coach, Liz King-Reihm, works with women of all ages to create healthy lives through mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. She helps women discover their potential with both personal training as well as life coaching. For more information about Liz you can visit her website : www.coaching4her.com, email her at [email protected], or call (240) 397-6437 with specific questions.
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 19, 2016 | Carol deLaski
What is the Law of Attraction?
A simple definition is that the law of attraction is the belief that “like attracts like.” It draws on the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.
Another way to look at it is to recognize that the universe is made up of energy and that energy is designed to match vibrations. With this perspective, if something has appeared in your life then you have somehow invited it by the energy of the thoughts you’ve been sending out. This is a powerful tool which can be used to consciously invite more positive experiences into your life.
4 steps to practice The Law of Attraction:
- See it and believe it – use creative methods such as visualization, vision boards, affirmations, lists, and meditation techniques to fully envision what you desire. For example, if you want to find a new relationship, first visualize exactly what you want. Use pictures, drawings or written descriptions of your ideal partner to create a very detailed image.
- Identify the challenges and/or problem areas that hold you back. Look back over your life and try to understand the lessons life has taught you. Then ask yourself, “Okay, now what do I want to with that awareness?” Use your personal and professional history to gain insight about yourself and purposefully choose to learn from those experiences.
To continue with our example, if past relationships didn’t work out or didn’t make you happy, try to identify what you didn’t like about them. What do you want to avoid in a relationship in the future and what do you truly want in your next one? Then focus fully on what you do want in order to bring change into your life.
- Remove self-talk sabotage – Self-critical thinking is very common and many of us don’t even realize the negative messages that we say within our own minds. A simple strategy to begin changing your self-talk is to replace the word ‘but’ with ‘and.’ The word ‘and’ is inclusive and empowering so be sure to add it to your vocabulary more often. Another great word to add is ‘yet.’ By focusing your thoughts on “it hasn’t happened yet,” you are tapping into confidence that it will happen one day. Continue to visualize and see the positive result…BELIEVE IT WILL HAPPEN! For example, think and say, “I am now drawing my ideal relationship to me which includes __________ (then fill in the blank with the attributes that you desire). Use your vision board or daily affirmations to reinforce your vision and really see the result.
- Use your support resources to guide you and keep you on track. Remember to be open to the information that comes to you through the people and things that appear in your life. What you attract may not look or feel exactly as you imagined so have an open mind and heart and check out all possibilities. For example, pay attention to unexpected messages that resonate with you through books or other reading materials, as well as people and/or events that come into your life. The universe may be sending you an invitation to go somewhere which will the opportunity you need to meet new people. You may just find the relationship you’ve been looking for there!
Once you’ve found that new relationship, remember to continue using this practice. With the law of attraction, we know that whatever we focus on…we will experience more of…and that impacts all of our relationships. If we focus on another person’s good qualities, we will experience more of those qualities. Conversely, if we focus on what we dislike about that person then those will be the characteristics that we experience more of. Keep focusing on the positive!
One final reminder: have patience with this process. There are no guarantees as to how long it will take to attract what you desire so don’t lose faith if it doesn’t happen within your time frame. Trust and believe that what you desire will appear exactly when it’s meant to.
The Law of Attraction is a powerful perspective to adopt. We’ve seen it work in our own lives and we encourage you to try it in yours.
Begin by asking yourself, what do I want more of in my life?
Then take time to really envision it in detail. Believe that it will happen, if not now, then someday in the future.
Stay positive and follow any nudges the universe sends your way…even if it’s not what you were expecting.
Then be sure to celebrate when what you’ve wanted arrives in your life.
Believe that you can attract more of what you want in your life.
Today’s authors: Rena Larkin and Carol deLaski are life and leadership coaches who embrace and live by The Law of Attraction. Feel free to contact them to share your experience with this powerful principle. [email protected] / [email protected]
by Carol deLaski | Sep 2, 2016 | Laura Hall
What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do I know when I have enough… When I am enough?
As I prepare for September’s Wholistic Woman Retreats ‘Be Enough’ event, I’ve been thinking a lot about these questions. Here is what I’ve come up with so far…
Enough is really difficult for me to define and I’m not sure I know what enough really looks like.
I think this comes from growing up middle class in the United States where somewhere along the way I learned enough isn’t enough. Without realizing it, I bought into the idea that, for the most part, more is better.
This ‘never enough’ attitude spilled over into my thoughts about myself too and led me to spend a good deal of my first 30+ years of life pleasing, performing and perfecting. There was always more to do, more to be and more to have. And, like many of us, I thought my value and my worthiness was connected to doing more, being more and having more. This was exhausting!!!
What is enough? I think the answer to this question is probably different for everyone. For me, enough is not a quantity but rather a feeling of contentment that is free of fear.
Who gets to define it? We each get to define it for ourselves.
How do I know when I have enough? Sometimes I feel a little bit like Goldilocks in this area. First something is too big…then it is too small…then it is just right. For me it is often about finding the edges of too much and not enough and realizing that neither extreme brings me contentment that is free of fear and then settling in between those two edges.
I recently read the book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo and her idea of physically holding something that you own and asking the question, “Does this bring me joy?” has been very helpful in helping me find the balance of enough when it comes to things.
Intangibles are another story! Is there something as enough joy…enough love…enough peace? Is it selfish of me to want to believe that there is no limit or edge to things like this? Can you have enough of something, yet still want more? I do think I have enough of these things in my life. If you know me personally, then you know I am happy and content with where I am in life right now. However, that doesn’t stop me from wanting more. Maybe I am a joy, love and peace junkie, but I’m OK with that!
How do I know when I am enough? If you ever spend time observing 2-3 year olds, you know that they inherently know they are enough. They don’t worry about what other people think about them. I’m sure when I was that age I too knew I was enough. I didn’t worry about if I was doing things perfectly or how my crayon drawings compared to those of my peers. I just did my thing without worrying what other people thought. Unfortunately, life stepped in and again, somewhere along the line slowly and gradually I began to question my self worth. This process happened so slowly, I didn’t even notice it happening.
In 2010 I stumbled upon a TED talk give by Dr. Brené Brown (Click here to watch) and watching this 20 minute presentation changed my life! I look back now and realize that watching this video was the first step in my journey toward returning to that place I came from before the world taught me to question my “enoughness”.
In the introduction of her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, Brené writes…”Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging”. I LOVE THIS!!!!
I am definitely a work in progress here. I am on my way back to really knowing I am enough but some days are definitely better than others. Breaking old habits of pleasing, performing and perfecting takes focus and determination, and if I’m not mindful, I can easily slip back into these old patterns. As a student of A Course in Miracles, I believe that every day, every moment I have the choice to listen to one of two voices…One voice speaks of fear and the other voice speaks of love. I know I am enough when I remember to listen to the voice that speaks of love.
Now it’s your turn! What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do you know when you have enough… When you are enough? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!
On September 28th I will be leading a workshop on this topic. I hope you’ll consider joining me! Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Aug 29, 2016 | Health, Nutrition, Sandie Lynch
It seems like every few months a new diet hits the press promising fast weight loss, increased energy, and maybe even to fix all our health problems. As a Registered Dietitian, I have seen diets come and go over the years and the question that always enters my mind is, how long will this one be around?
Many times the diets are just too hard to follow or stick with over time, so individuals lose weight but eventually go off the diet and gain it all back with more. Earlier this year, U.S News & World Report published the “Best Diets” (http://health.usnews.com/best-diet ) as rated by a team of impressive experts (http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/experts) including physicians, nutritionists, and psychologists. These experts looked at the following criteria: how easy it is to follow, its ability to produce short-term and long-term weight loss, its nutritional completeness, its safety and its potential for preventing and managing diabetes and heart disease. From this report it appears most diets don’t work, at least long term. If you are considering following a popular diet, I recommend reviewing this report before you choose one.
The discouraging part of many of these diets is they do produce results, short term, but are very restrictive, and as individuals lose weight, they also lose lean body mass (muscle) – the very thing that maintains our metabolism, gives our body shape, and provides energy and power. As the individuals regain the weight, it’s all fat and the muscle is long gone… unless they are planning to rebuild it through regular a strength training program.
This “yo-yo” process is especially problematic as we grow older because it speeds up the natural loss of lean body mass that occurs with aging, leading us to feel weaker and older than we really are. So, how can we stop the weight loss, fat gain cycle? Below are 6 tried and true strategies that have worked for me and many of my clients to increase energy, keep the muscle, lose fat and keep it off.
- Say “No” to Diets: Many diets are restrictive or eliminate foods that are considered healthy with supporting studies that show these foods contribute to healthy outcomes and decreased chronic disease. Some of these foods include whole grains, dairy, and fruits. Of course if you have allergies it is best practice to avoid them.
- Eat a Balanced Diet: The best strategy is to eat a variety of foods in all food groups including lean meats, plant proteins such as peanut or almond butter, low fat dairy, fresh fruits and vegetables, legumes, and nuts and seeds. Avoid or at least limit processed foods that contain added salt, sugar, and fat.
- Eat smaller portions: Bottom line, most individuals gain weight because they eat is more than they burn. Just cutting back is a great first step. I learned a valuable strategy from one of my clients called the “80-20” rule – eat to feel 80% full by decreasing your portion by 20%. Don’t even put it on your plate to avoid the temptation to eat it.
- Avoid the Hunger Beast: The Hunger Beast is stronger than any will power. When we allow ourselves to get too hungry, no will power can stand. Eating a substantial snack between meals will help stand strong against temptation. Examples may be a mini bagel with natural peanut or almond butter, Greek yogurt with nuts, or garbanzo beans with Italian dressing, these snacks work great to take the hunger away until the next meal, making it possible to be in control of your choices.
- Eat Carbs to Spare Muscle: So many diets want us to believe carbohydrates are the enemy, when they are actually what helps spare our muscle when dieting. Typically, when losing weight, we lose fat, water, and muscle. When we eat low carbs, our body uses our protein for energy instead of using it to rebuild and spare our muscle. Best strategy is to eat a minimum of 125 to 150 gms of carbohydrates per day. Carbs don’t make us fat, over eating does. Most extremely lean body builders’ diets consist of 50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat. There are also studies showing no significant differences in weight loss when macronutrients (carbs, protein, and fat) percentages are adjusted between high protein/low carb to low fat/high carb. Overall studies show the primary contributing factor to weight loss is a calorie deficit.
- Pick a diet plan you can follow for life: No matter what diet you follow if you don’t like it or it is too hard to follow, it won’t work for you! Our brain needs to attach change with a positive to adhere to a diet. Otherwise, struggling will cause the brain to revert back to old habits. Therefore, gradually modify food choices and behaviors using the strategies above and move frequently to stay strong, energized, and healthy.
I would love to help you reach your goals and save you the frustration of following a diet to lose weight just to regain fat. ATP Fitness starting in September 2016 is focusing on “Eating for Energy” for the education theme. The group coaching following the exercise will review various diets, foods, and eating habits and their impact on weight, energy, and health. Learn more by contacting me at [email protected].
Today’s Author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 22, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development
What do you think of when you hear the term ‘mission trip’?
Does it sound inviting…interesting…or does it conjure up unpleasant thoughts and images in your mind?
To be honest, when I first heard the term mission trip years ago, I made a few assumptions.
- I assumed that mission trips were all work and no fun. I questioned why I would I use my limited vacation time to do physical labor for complete strangers.
- I assumed that the participants on these trips would be pushy and would force their faith beliefs onto everyone around them.
- And I assumed that I couldn’t handle seeing that level of poverty firsthand.
My first opportunity to take a mission trip surprisingly came through my son, Ben. As a teenager, he was an active member of a youth group at our church. When he was a freshman in high school he and his church friends jumped at the opportunity to travel together on a Group Work Camp trip to do home repairs in Buffalo, New York. Admittedly, he was more motivated by the idea of traveling, socializing, and hanging out with his friends then by helping others, but that was okay. He grew spiritually and emotionally on that trip and was so excited by the experience that when he returned he said, “Mom, you have to do this next summer…you would LOVE it!”
I couldn’t refuse such an invitation from my son and we did youth mission trips together over the following two summers. Ben was right. I did love it. I learned that my assumptions were wrong. It was deeply enriching to travel and work with high school students and to make a difference in the lives of those in need.
My eyes were opened, and my awareness expanded, as I saw living conditions that I had previously only imagined. My heart developed a deeper level of compassion as I talked with the homeowners we served. I found it easy to connect with many of them, including a single mother who, like me, was trying to create a safe, comfortable, and healthy home for her sons. We shared the same core values of service, love, generosity, gratitude, and faith. Our perspectives and beliefs naturally arose in casual conversations as we worked side by side…cleaning, weeding, painting and eating together. There was no pushiness or insistence to change one another; only openness and a genuine desire to connect our hearts and minds as we used our hands and bodies to improve lives. I found that this connectedness went both ways, and that I often received more than I gave from the experience.
On these trips we worked hard but that wasn’t all we did. After the work was done each day we played. Ultimate Frisbee tournaments, card games, music, and day trips to hike, picnic, and swim in nearby parks offered us relaxation and fun. We took time to explore and enjoy the areas that we served.
At the end of each day, we gathered for devotionals and shared stories and insights we had learned from our experiences. My favorite part of this time was the sharing of ‘God-Moments’; those unexpected moments when we felt God’s presence. Often they came when we felt an inner nudge to do or say something that (unknown to us) was exactly what someone else needed. With hindsight, we traced God’s presence with us each day. These times of accountability helped us support one another in seeing, feeling, and trusting in the daily presence and guidance of the Spirit of God.
The positive experiences with the youth led me to say yes this year to an invitation from my sweetheart, Greg, to join him on a V.I.M. (Volunteers in Mission) trip sponsored by his church. The group of 36 volunteers was comprised of men, women, and youth from four local churches ranging in age from 15-77. Unlike the youth Group Work Camp trips where we traveled by cars/vans, and buses…this trip entailed a flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico. This was a multi-legged journey. We traveled by van, plane, ferry, and yet again more vans, to get to our ultimate destination; the small town of Esperanza on the island of Vieques, PR. Each volunteer brought a second suitcase with items to donate to the local community; tools, clothing, food, athletic equipment, and more. The logistics of moving 36 individuals with 72 suitcases through a five legged journey was a challenge in and of itself!
Understandably, our theme word for the trip (of which our leader Ray often reminded us) was Patience. We had many opportunities to develop patience on the full day journeys there and back again. We also developed it as we lived together for seven days in close dormitory quarters with multiple people to a room, sleeping on bunk beds, and sharing bathrooms. Additionally, we developed patience on our work crews as those with skills taught the amateurs how to use tools and do the work that was necessary.
Before going, I set a few intentions for myself in order to get the most out of this experience.
- My first intention was to be humble, to look for opportunities to serve, and not hesitate to help in any way that I could. I wanted to be open, conscious, and non-judgmental. With that in mind, I focused on full engagement: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. By bringing my whole self to the trip I knew that I would learn lessons which were uniquely meant for me.
- Physically, I wanted to do my best…yet I was far from the most skilled laborer on the team. I was willing to serve, though, in whatever way was needed. That meant cleaning our team bathrooms, filling and refilling the crew’s water bottles, as well as swinging a hammer, varnishing boards, and learning how to mix mortar and lay ceramic floor tiles.
- I also set the intention to do my best mentally and emotionally. I was curious to experience the cultural, language, and lifestyle differences that this opportunity provided. I wanted to be present…to really see each person I met, listen to their stories, accept and learn from them.
- Spiritually, I set the intention to look for God in nature and to savor the beauty of this Caribbean island. I also wanted to find opportunities to talk about faith with the people I met; my fellow travelers as well as the townspeople and members of the local churches. I wanted to catch the God-moments -trusting that the Spirit would guide my actions and words to create genuine connections with the people with whom I worked and played.
One such person was Hector. We worked at his church in the town of Isabel for 4.5 days building an interior wall with 4 acrylic windows on either side of a double door. The purpose of the wall was to keep the air-conditioning inside the sanctuary instead of flowing out the front door. Vieques is a tropical climate; the wall would make the worship space more comfortable and would provide savings on their energy bills. As ten of us worked on the wall, Hector, and/or other church leaders would stop by to see our daily progress, express their gratitude, and encourage us. I enjoyed talking with Hector throughout the week and felt a deep connection with him as we told one another about our lives, work, and faith. He became a special friend and we encouraged one another. There were many God-led moments throughout the week that enriched my experiences with the people we served, those who worked beside me, and residents of Vieques.
Similar to my youth Work Camp experiences, we had time to explore and enjoy the island each day after our work was done. It was delightful to take a cooling swim in the stunningly beautiful Caribbean and wander the coast looking for sea glass and shells that we don’t normally find on our northern continental US Atlantic beaches. There were opportunities to kayak, snorkel, hike the island, and see the glow of the diatoms in the Bio-Luminescence Bay at night under a velvety black sky studded with stars. We enjoyed God’s creation and also boosted the local economy as we ate and shopped in Esperanza. We were especially delighted with the jewelry local crafts people made from the sea glass we collected. As we visited the local businesses we realized that the entire town knew who we were. It’s not possible for a group of 36 people to come to tiny Esperanza without everyone knowing about it! We were surprised time and again at the friendliness, generosity, and gratitude of the community…even those who were not directly involved with our work appreciated our service. The people of Vieques welcomed us and thanked us for helping to improve their community.
I brought home a few treasured sea shells and mementos from my time on Vieques. More importantly, though, I brought home an important reminder from my Island-Time and that is:
When I step out of my comfort zone to help others, I receive much more than I give. By immersing myself in ten days of practicing the values of patience, adaptability, service, generosity, and gratitude, I not only benefitted others but I benefitted myself as well.
I don’t need to go on a mission trip to use these gifts. I can use them right at home in my everyday life. I am, however, very grateful for the powerful reminders that such service experiences provide. I have a renewed commitment to look for opportunities to do good, serve others, and connect to others. I know that with such focus I will continue to grow, be a blessing, and be blessed.
Whether near or far, when the opportunity to help others comes your way, I hope you will give. Then be ready to receive the gifts meant for you which are uniquely found in service!
*If you would like to learn more about setting intentions and achieving the results you desire, join us for the next evening retreat, Be Focused, on August 31st from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a leadership coach, speaker, and author who specializes in developing the strengths of individuals and organizations. She is the Founder and CEO of Wholistic Woman Retreats which provides personal and professional development programs for women-on-the-grow. You may learn more about her at www.caroldelaski.com or email her directly at: [email protected] to have her work with you or your group.
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 3, 2016 | Kelye Rouse-Brown
This feels like the first year in a long time I have connected with summer time. I am such a fan of fall time and usually summer is just a season before my favorite time of the year. More and more, I try to enjoy every season and appreciate what each one brings. This summer I’ve been thinking a lot about what I appreciate about summer. Here is what I’ve come up with…
Summer makes me feel joyful when:
• Fireflies are around, they are such a treat!
Do you ever just sit and watch those cute bugs light up the sky? Just pause and enjoy the little pleasures of the bright spots around you.
• Sunny days wake me up and bring positive energy to the day!
Do you ever take a moment to enjoy the sunrise or sunset? We all know that vitamin D is good for you. Try soaking some in on the next sunny day.
• Ice cream is just around the corner to chill the hot day! ….we recently stopped at DQ and enjoyed some hot chocolate sundaes and root beer floats. I didn’t get annoyed with the very long line. Instead, I just looked around at all the happy faces anticipating the yummy delight coming their way!
I am sure we all have favorite seasons, and can outline why each one is special to us and our personal needs. This year, I have really enjoyed focusing on the things I like about summer. And speaking of “focusing”, another fun thing that I’ll be doing this summer is attending Donna Kettell’s upcoming ‘Be Focused’ session on visualization on August 31st. If you’d like to join me, you can click here for details.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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