by Carol deLaski | Jan 11, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Change, Personal Development, Professional Development
This quote (by one of my favorite authors) reminds us to fully embrace our ‘You-ness’ and be unique.
How will you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person in 2017?
I find that using a theme word for the year is a helpful way to guide my growth as a unique person. I highly recommend it if you are seeking a new perspective about your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe (or whatever you call that which is bigger than us) intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking any ole’ good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process works like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these powerful questions:
What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
What’s in my way? What’s blocking me?
What needs to go? Or, what do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expect. In fact, your mind may reject the word provided, but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it. Even if the word doesn’t make sense initially, try to remain open and curious to see what insights await you.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by applying it to everyday highs and lows.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that work best for me, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was a bit odd and uninspiring. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive and/or divine messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
In 2016 my word has been ASK. I’m a recovering independent woman who is learning the value of being interdependent. I have a tendency to ‘just do it myself.’ It’s hard for me to ask for what I need. My word has reminded me to practice asking a lot this year. I’ve learned important lessons not only about asking but also about waiting patiently and receiving.
After spending an entire year with each of my words I find that they become a part of me. The habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction continues long after the year is over. Each word has helped me grow wiser and more self-aware.
As 2017 begins, I’m going through the process to discover a new theme word and I invite you to join me.
You can learn more about the One Word Process in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a support or stretch team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of my Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 25th from 5:30-7:30 pm when we will kickoff the 2017 Evening Retreat Series. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear inspiring stories of it’s impact on other individuals. If you have a Word for 2017 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about the process.
During the Launch Party you will learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2017. We hope you will join us for all 9 of these evening retreats to learn, grow personally and professionally and to stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team throughout the year. If you can make it to a lot of the evening retreats we suggest that you become a member to receive discounts on every event. Click here to learn more and become a member.
Most importantly, in this community of women-on-the-grow know that you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you! We believe that we are each unique and a wonderful work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at carol@caroldelaski.com.
by Carol deLaski | Dec 9, 2016 | Laura Hall
The other day I heard a country music song on the radio titled “Kill a Word” by Eric Church. In it he talks about all the words he’d like to get rid of in his life. He lists words like “never”, “regret”, “fear” and “hate”. While I don’t resonate with the word “Kill”, I do resonate with the idea of struggling with a word, and for me that word is “Perfection”. Ugh!!!! Just writing the word triggers me. Why is that!?!
If you know me, you know I sometimes teasingly refer to myself as “a recovering perfectionist”. In my younger years, I actually believed perfection was something that was attainable and I would exhaust myself working toward it. I wanted to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect employee, the perfect…the list could go on and on. If I didn’t think I could be perfect, I often wouldn’t try. This was no way to live.
I call myself a “recovering perfectionist” because by the time I was entering my late 30’s/early 40’s it dawned on me that either perfection was a myth or I needed to redefine it, because my definition at that time was definitely not working. So I started questioning everything that had to do with my definition of perfection. My daily mantra became “good enough is good enough” and the impact that adopting this had on my life was amazing! Now, I imagine that some of you are cringing at this mantra because to you it may sound like a slackers way of thinking, but to me, it was a life saver. It gave me permission to move the bar down to a level that was within my reach, one that I could achieve versus one that just made me feel bad about myself because I wasn’t measuring up. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Dr. Brené Brown, I was learning how to put down my measuring stick so I could operate from a place that felt right for me. In a sense, I had to give myself permission to be imperfect.
In my recovery process I became a better friend because I was having people over even when there were dishes in my sink or my toilet hadn’t been cleaned in two weeks. I became a better mother because I could really listen to my kids when they were struggling instead of blaming myself and thinking I was the source of their struggle. I became a better wife because I was willing to try things I knew I wasn’t going to be perfect at (think windsurfing and golf here) but that I knew were going to lead to quality time with my husband. But, most importantly I became a better me because I stopped letting other people tell me what perfect was supposed to look like and started redefining perfect based on what resonated with my soul, and as it turns out, perfect for me is all about connecting with others.
But what I’ve recognized to be true for me over time is that when I forget to remember (yes, I just said forget to remember!) that good enough really can be good enough, my old perfectionist tendencies tend to creep back in, sometimes without me even realizing it at first. As a matter of fact this happened to me just two weeks ago. I wonder if you can guess what the triggering event was!?! I am writing this on December 6th. What happened about two weeks ago?
Yep, you guessed it…Thanksgiving!
For the past 10 years, Bill and I have hosted Thanksgiving for our families. This number adds up to 17 people for us. I love Thanksgiving, but there is something about the expectations I set up for myself and wanting it to be “perfect” that often causes me to relapse and it usually has to do with the condition my house will be in on the day of the wonderful event.
I’d like to ask you to take a moment and watch this short video I found when one of my daughters tagged me on Facebook saying it reminded her of me, because it is an over the top version of what I can look and feel like when perfectionism sets in.
Click here to watch video
Can anyone relate?
I know from talking to other women that I am not alone in this. The holidays are often a time where we want things to be perfect. But, what is perfect? Is it a perfect holiday if my house is spotless, but my family is frazzled and irritated at me because I went into setting the bar too high mode? This year I so appreciated it when one of my daughters lovingly said to me, “Mom, no one is going to care if our grout is perfectly clean or not. Thanksgiving is about us being together. We are not planning on eating off the floor.” She was so right and that was all I needed to remember to focus on connection.
And the beauty of this time of year is that in a little over 2 weeks I’ll be hosting Christmas Eve festivities at my home. It’s like I get a do-over! And, this time, I am committed to remembering to remember that it’s not about perfect by Martha Stewart’s standards but rather it is about the love and belonging that happen when I get together with my family and close friends. I am still learning how to redefine perfect.
If you too would like to redefine perfect, then I invite you to join me and the other Wholistic Woman Retreats coaches in March at the Wholehearted Living Retreat which is based on the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Dr. Brené Brown. Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at laurahallcoach@me.com or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Dec 5, 2016 | Carol deLaski
Have you ever heard it said that our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses?
What does that really mean? Well, to me, it means that we don’t necessarily know how to use our natural talents effectively. Without sufficient boundaries around our talents, we can easily face problematic situations simply because we’re overdoing something. Too much of a good thing can end up being be a bad thing.
In my work as a strengths coach I enjoy helping people identify and manage their natural talents. We begin by learning what the individual’s strengths are and then explore how to effectively use those strengths to consistently produce the desired results at work, and in life overall.
I’ll give you an example from my own life.
My top five strengths (according to Gallup’s Strengths Finder assessment) are Empathy, Strategic, Positivity, Developer, and Woo (which stands for winning others over). Every day I have the opportunity to use these strengths in various combinations to create excellence in my work and life.
I like to imagine five sauce pans on a stovetop (one for each of my strengths). I create just the right mixture every day to generate positive results. Depending on the situation, I may choose to turn down the heat on one strength and move it to the back burner to let it simmer, while dialing up the heat on another strength and move it to the front burner. I choose how much of each strength I am using in any given situation.
When my strengths mixture serves me well my Empathy creates intuitive emotional connections with others; my Strategic thinking helps me problem solve challenges with them; my Positivity brings enthusiasm and energy to our conversations; my Developer sees their full potential and ways to help them grow into more of who they want to be; and my Woo will go to great lengths to make connections with them. When all five of my strengths are operating optimally I could work for hours and still feel energized, motivated, and deeply fulfilled. Time flies when I’m functioning at my best.
My strengths don’t always serve me well, however. In my opinion, each strength has a light and a dark side. When my strengths are operating on the light side they are like a well-oiled machine, firing on all cylinders, and bringing about the successes I desire. When the dark sides of my strengths appear, problems can arise; I usually feel overwhelmed or I see that I am overwhelming others. In those moments, my strengths are simply too much.
What exactly is the dark side of a strength? The answer to this varies dependent upon the individual and the particular strength. I define the dark side as moments when a strength isn’t producing the desired outcome; when the strength becomes unmanageable for you or for the person with whom you are interacting.
For example, here is what I’ve learned about the dark sides of my five strengths. I drift into the shadowy side of Empathy when I get lost in other people’s feelings. I feel confused about the best boundaries between my own emotions and those of someone else.
I experience the dark side of my Strategic thinking when I get ahead of others. At times, I see what’s possible before others do and can be impatient while waiting for them to accept my ideas.
Can there be a dark side to Positivity? Yes, there can. I have learned that if I don’t acknowledge the negative feelings and experiences of others, Positivity can seem false or forced. I need to balance it with genuine understanding of life challenges.
Developer, too, doesn’t appear to have a dark side at first but I have found that it does over time. This strength is having the ability to see the potential in others and to help them grow. I use it when I teach and when I coach clients. The dark side of it occurs when I try to develop someone who isn’t interested or ready to grow and change. That can lead to frustration and pain on both sides.
And what could be the dark side of WOO (winning others over)? For me, it has to do with people pleasing. I need to ask myself what am I willing to do to win someone over? Will I compromise too much – give too much away – in my effort to develop, empathize and woo them? Will I try to please them so much that I lose myself?
This gives you a glimpse into my understanding of the light and dark sides of my five strengths. If you were to ask someone else with these particular strengths about the benefits and challenges of them they might provide different explanations because we are each unique. Our self-awareness is made up of many components in addition to our strengths, including such things as our birth order, family of origin, education, values, life experiences and more.
One of the keys to being your best, though, is to know yourself well and manage your strengths effectively. Life is a wonderful laboratory where we get to experiment every day with new combinations of our strengths. With trial and error, we learn what combinations may work best with certain people or in certain situations. One solution does not fit all. New strengths mixtures will be needed every day. Get creative and see what strengths you can mix today to benefit your colleagues, family and friends. This is a lifelong journey where you can continually manage and refine your abilities to create the success you desire.
You may ask, does all this talk of strengths mean that I have to always be strong?
No, it does not. Being self-aware about your strengths means that you have the opportunity to manage them. You can enjoy validation when interactions are going well and subsequently you have options to work with when things aren’t going well. As mentioned above, one option is to catch yourself as you start to drift into the shadows of your strengths and initiate a course correction.
Knowing the areas of your lesser talents (which many call weaknesses) is important too. It allows you to find complementary partners – people who excel in those areas where you do not – to work and live alongside you. You don’t have to excel at everything. It’s enough to develop your natural talents to excellence and then collaborate with people who also strive to be their best to create complementary and winning partnerships. We are designed to live and work together; not to be alone.
My favorite book says that when we are weak we are strong. When I face my own weaknesses I become motivated to seek assistance from others who have the strength I need. Sometimes that is a person in my personal or professional circles; other times it is a complete stranger; and at other times it’s my faith in God that provides the strength I need. It is freeing to realize that I have a network of support around me. I am an imperfect work-in-progress, trying to be my best on a daily basis, sometimes succeeding and sometimes falling short, but always learning and growing into more of who I am uniquely designed to be. And that’s enough.
Today’s Author: Carol deLaski, executive coach, author, and founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats. If you would like to learn more about learning and managing your strengths, please email her at Carol@caroldelaski.com to schedule a free consultation.
by Carol deLaski | Nov 23, 2016 | Guest Blogging
Successful vacations, in many ways, are similar to successful holiday experiences. As we enter into 2016’s holiday season, we encourage you to take the time to think about what types of experiences you would like to have this year.
This week’s blog by WWR member, Linda Norris-Waldt gives you her take on 5 different ways to have a successful vacation. You just might be able to use some of these ideas to enhance your holiday experiences. Enjoy!
I’ve been vacationing for more than 50 years–both the kinds of vacations where I was “taken along” as a child, and many, many vacations that I have planned as an adult. Like major family holidays, vacations can carry lots of baggage with them–both literally and figuratively. The expectations we have of them are often unrealistic; the disappointment we feel when a vacation doesn’t “relax us” can leave us feeling deflated and even with a curious sense of wasted money and time.
I’ve let that happen to myself too many times, and on a recent trip away–where things didn’t turn out the way we had hoped with incessant rain at the beach, in my middle-aged wisdom I made a conscious decision to turn the tables on disappointment. What I got was a rest–which was just what I needed. After all, vacation is, from the Latin “freedom from occupation”.
Take a look at these vacation models and see if your next vacation fits. But wait till it’s over–you never know what’s in store for you if you keep an open mind!
A Change of Mindset. This kind of vacation can be accomplished in a variety of ways, but the underlying theme is, put aside the YOU who left home and, almost like an alter ego, embrace new things. (Remember the Seinfeld episode in which George does the complete opposite of normal?) Foods, sites, adventures, people, culture and countries….these are all options that help you delve into your deepest self and notice whether you’ve been missing an element of who you are. Warning: this type of vacation is hard to do from the comfort of home!
Release of Expectations. After all these years of vacationing, I finally experienced this kind of true peace only recently. We were expecting sun-drenched fall days on a sandy warm beach only to be drenched by days of rain. Maybe you were expecting a certain port of call that was, well, called off. There are many ways that we trap ourselves by idealizing a vacation. Without creatively embracing the new vision, we miss opportunities for a different kind of refreshment. For us, three days of heavy rains turn into sighting of shorebirds unknown to those parts who were blown in by the storm, and a bike trip during a few-hours break from the rain on a windswept, magical storm-tossed marshland park.
A Feast of People. We’ve all had those vacations; the beachhouse bacchanalias of our youth, or the big extended family trips with cousins in every square foot of sleep space. Or, a cruise filled with meeting new people, or a group destination tour. These experiences can be cherished for not only a chance of better knowing the people dear to you, but of sifting through varying human natures to learn more about yourself. (This attitude can be especially helpful when putting a group of people together causes conflicts that must be endured, at least until the vacation ends!) You can come away from a vacation like this with a completely different outlook on your life, your work, and the people you love.
A Solo Journey. Most of us don’t make many of these, but everyone should be tuned in to the need at some point in your life when you’re ready. You can make it an organized retreat with structured meditation, hiking or activities with people you don’t know, or simply create your favorite solo experience, camping, a hotel or B& B, or a house-sitting for a friend. These solo trips can be disconcerting for those of us used to always having people around, but once you tune into yourself, you will want to have paper, journals, computer, paint brush or paints–whatever is the best way to express yourself. Once you settle into solitude, your inner self will be itching to come out.
Stay Put and Rest. There are times your body tells you its simply needs to BE. These vacations can be helpful for recovering from family crises, work overload, health issues — there are many reasons we need to learn to be still. Do not be tempted to do things for the sake of “being on vacation” when your soul tells you, it needs to be quiet. Walk quietly, sleep, read, meditate. It will refresh you in ways you never dreamed.
Today’s guest blogger, Linda Norris-Waldt is a writer, journalist and sustainability advocate who is a committed member of the Wholistic Woman community and a believer in self reflection and life coaching. Her business is NW Communications.
by Carol deLaski | Oct 27, 2016 | Kelye Rouse-Brown
The magic number 5.
When you get the news that you have cancer, the number you strive for is five! I’m happy to say that this is my fifth year as a cancer survivor. To be honest, it has felt a little different…a time to pause and reflect on this stage of my life…where it all began and why celebration is key.
I recently held my sixth ‘Dress for a Cure’ fashion show which raises money for FORCE – Facing our Risk of Cancer Empowered. I founded ‘Dress for a Cure’ a year prior to being diagnosed with breast cancer because my mother was battling ovarian cancer. My mom and I were prepared since we both had learned we were BRCA1 positive (breast cancer positive). BRCA1 is the most common gene associated with breast and ovarian cancer.
When something big happens, whether it’s positive or not-so-positive, my approach is to look for a way to see it as an opportunity. In the past, my mother used to say “it is what it is” and she meant it in a positive way, like…ok, what’s next, and that helps me along the way. I love how she embraced life.
This year, more than any other, I paused and reflected on the past five years as a cancer survivor. These are the TAKE 5 thoughts that have grounded me through it all:
1 – Heritage – remembering the past is special and the stories are the best part. Heritage…is what it is. I have felt the need to slow down and simplify life more. My mother lived a simple, but filled life. I have been craving ‘what is’ and perhaps that explains why my One Word “roots” came into my life this year. I went back to Oklahoma to visit my mom’s farm and family so that I could focus on where her life began and explore what’s been passed onto me.
What stories do you often talk about that have shaped who you are?
2 – Team and Community– go hand in hand. I have learned you can’t do it alone and why would you want to? A team is there to celebrate and cheer you on or lift you up when you fall down. My team on surgery day was key and I will never forget how I felt before going into my 13 hour surgery and how I felt all the weeks after. My community is what keeps me going year after year and it has grown over the years.
Who is on your team, and in your community that lifts you up and celebrates life with you?
3 – Be (+) Positive – this is something you have control of. B(e) positive is not only my blood type, it’s also my mindset and top strength. It is what gets me through life’s ups and downs. This mindset has played a big part of my life journey towards healing and becoming healthier and happier. I guess you could say it’s in my blood.
How do you handle the ups and downs in your life?
4 – Boots – resemble strength to me. I have been embracing my brave-girl boots. We have heard the saying, “you are what you eat”… how about “you are what you wear”! Putting on my brave-girl boots over the past five years has helped me feel stronger. It’s also why my ‘Dress for a Cure’ event evolved to ‘Dress for a Cure: Give Cancer the Boot’. It’s why I called my trip to OK – Roots to Boots. I have made a strong connection – heritage to bravery.
What do you wear that makes you feel brave and strong?
5 – Celebration of Life – this is what life is about, in my opinion. As we go through life we look forward to celebrating milestones. I get to decide which milestones I celebrate. They can be simple and small…or big, like my five year survivor celebration.
How do you celebrate milestones, big and small?
Truthfully, we are all survivors in some way. I am a five year breast cancer survivor. I am also a survivor of many other things in life. I will continue to move forward and Take these 5 tips for myself.
How will you take them for you?
There is so much to be grateful for and to celebrate. I invite you to join the Wholistic Woman members and coaches at our annual Gratitude dinner on November 16 from 6-9 pm at Dutch’s Daughter. If you aren’t a member yet, you may join now for 2017 and attend this year’s gratitude dinner. Come appreciate and celebrate with us! Click here for details
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
by Carol deLaski | Oct 12, 2016 | Guest Blogging
Your personal brand is your unique promise of value. Delivering excellence is about setting a high standard for yourself and focusing on getting as good as you can possibly be over time. Ultimately, it is inward focused.
When it comes to my work, the amount of time, effort and energy I put in determines my end result. Since my work is important to me, I give my best effort. I want my work deliverables to be high-quality and valuable since they are an extension of my personal brand. For me, putting my all into my work shows that I care which is key to developing my personal brand.
Having the desire to produce excellence is key for women in leadership who want to proactively drive their careers. Here are a few behaviors demonstrated by successful female leaders that can help you advance your excellence and build your brand as you contribute to your organization’s success.
Believe and visualize your future achievements as a way of preparing for your future success. Imagine yourself already in your next level role. Then, envision what you want to do and focus on how to get there. Map out your personal leadership growth strategy – assess your skills, share your interests, seek out a mentor, and discover new ways to elevate your unique strengths in service to others.
Seize opportunities to contribute to your organization’s success. Make an impact in business and deliver your personal brand excellence.
Be willing to get out of your comfort zone and put yourself out there, even if it instills fear. Author, Tom Peters, who wrote In Search Of Excellence, said “If a window of opportunity appears, don’t pull down the shade.” Be courageous and learn to overcome fear to fulfill your potential.
There are opportunities to lead, demonstrate your value and expand your success for anyone who wants to take them. Keep yourself focused and your personal brand development on track by taking small steps daily toward seeking mastery as a leader and focus on being as extraordinary as YOU can be.
Today’s author, Heather Nunley is an Executive Coach and Leadership Consultant who specializes in working with organizational leaders and teams to leverage their brilliance and design a better way to work. Brilliance Work provides executive coaching, interactive workshops, executive roundtables and various customized consulting programs for organizations.
If you’d like to hear more from Heather, she will be co-leading, Be Unique, a Wholistic Woman Retreats event being held on October 26th in Frederick, MD. For details on this event, click here. Hope you will consider joining us!
by Carol deLaski | Oct 3, 2016 | Guest Blogging, Self-Care
“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” –Dr. Seuss
As children we accept this simple truth — we are uniquely created individuals. Too often, as adults, we forget. When does this psychological sabotage happen and why do we stop embracing our Youniqness?
Typically this perspective change happens unconsciously. Studies have shown the average brain processes 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day. That’s 48 thoughts per minute. Which means that we need to ask ourselves how many of these thoughts are negatively impacting our perspective through false comparisons or unrealistic expectations?
Our DNA, the genetic code that dictates our gender, appearance, and propensities, determines much of what makes us unique. It is present in every one of our 10 trillion cells. If you removed a person’s genetic code and stretched it out, end to end, it would reach from the earth to the sun 100 times! This vast assortment of code is combined in an infinite array of possibilities. As a result, no two people are the same. We are each an original design of a master craftsman.
So, why were we made with so much genetic diversity? Is there some sort of implicit purpose to our uniqueness? What did our Creator have in mind? If we were created this way, why do we try so hard to be like someone else?”
Comparison does not equal inspiration. Comparing our ‘average’ life to another’s ‘highlight reel’ often causes us to feel worse about ourselves rather than encouraging us to be better. It is in grasping this understanding that we can begin to appreciate another woman’s beauty without allowing it to take away from our own. To celebrate another woman’s success without it diminishing what we’ve accomplished. To recognize someone else’s intelligence without feeling inadequate.
The word unique means “having no like or equal.” As unique individuals we have no equal, hence no need of comparison. Instead, we can embrace our very own DNA. Let us learn to appreciate and communicate that we are Designed, Necessary, and Able.
We are Designed. As an architect brings his masterpiece to life through imagination, creativity, and adoration, we have a designer who made us with great creativity and love. You are not an accident. You are a unique design; a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.
We are Necessary. Each one of us has special character traits, strengths, and skills given to us to fulfill our purpose. Whether you are a hard-working mom, employee, or CEO, you have been gifted with specific gifts that make you necessary to your world.
We are Able. We all occasionally struggle with doubt and fear. These can cause us to question our abilities or value to our world. Often these doubts are compounded by past mistakes, struggles, or perceived failures. This can make us afraid to try again or too tired to put in the hard work it may take to accomplish our goals. Being ‘able’ requires us to accept ourselves. It empowers us to accept that we cannot change the past, but are able to affect the present and build our future. When we begin to embrace our true DNA, we are more able to celebrate our attributes, live authentically, accept ourselves and love others.
October’s Be Unique Evening Retreat will delve deeper into discovering, understanding, and embracing our unique DNA. Please consider this your invitation to join us! Click here for details
Today’s author: Affiliate Coach, Liz King-Reihm, works with women of all ages to create healthy lives through mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. She helps women discover their potential with both personal training as well as life coaching. For more information about Liz you can visit her website : www.coaching4her.com, email her at liz@coaching4her.com, or call (240) 397-6437 with specific questions.
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 19, 2016 | Carol deLaski
What is the Law of Attraction?
A simple definition is that the law of attraction is the belief that “like attracts like.” It draws on the idea that by focusing on positive or negative thoughts a person brings positive or negative experiences into their life.
Another way to look at it is to recognize that the universe is made up of energy and that energy is designed to match vibrations. With this perspective, if something has appeared in your life then you have somehow invited it by the energy of the thoughts you’ve been sending out. This is a powerful tool which can be used to consciously invite more positive experiences into your life.
4 steps to practice The Law of Attraction:
- See it and believe it – use creative methods such as visualization, vision boards, affirmations, lists, and meditation techniques to fully envision what you desire. For example, if you want to find a new relationship, first visualize exactly what you want. Use pictures, drawings or written descriptions of your ideal partner to create a very detailed image.
- Identify the challenges and/or problem areas that hold you back. Look back over your life and try to understand the lessons life has taught you. Then ask yourself, “Okay, now what do I want to with that awareness?” Use your personal and professional history to gain insight about yourself and purposefully choose to learn from those experiences.
To continue with our example, if past relationships didn’t work out or didn’t make you happy, try to identify what you didn’t like about them. What do you want to avoid in a relationship in the future and what do you truly want in your next one? Then focus fully on what you do want in order to bring change into your life.
- Remove self-talk sabotage – Self-critical thinking is very common and many of us don’t even realize the negative messages that we say within our own minds. A simple strategy to begin changing your self-talk is to replace the word ‘but’ with ‘and.’ The word ‘and’ is inclusive and empowering so be sure to add it to your vocabulary more often. Another great word to add is ‘yet.’ By focusing your thoughts on “it hasn’t happened yet,” you are tapping into confidence that it will happen one day. Continue to visualize and see the positive result…BELIEVE IT WILL HAPPEN! For example, think and say, “I am now drawing my ideal relationship to me which includes __________ (then fill in the blank with the attributes that you desire). Use your vision board or daily affirmations to reinforce your vision and really see the result.
- Use your support resources to guide you and keep you on track. Remember to be open to the information that comes to you through the people and things that appear in your life. What you attract may not look or feel exactly as you imagined so have an open mind and heart and check out all possibilities. For example, pay attention to unexpected messages that resonate with you through books or other reading materials, as well as people and/or events that come into your life. The universe may be sending you an invitation to go somewhere which will the opportunity you need to meet new people. You may just find the relationship you’ve been looking for there!
Once you’ve found that new relationship, remember to continue using this practice. With the law of attraction, we know that whatever we focus on…we will experience more of…and that impacts all of our relationships. If we focus on another person’s good qualities, we will experience more of those qualities. Conversely, if we focus on what we dislike about that person then those will be the characteristics that we experience more of. Keep focusing on the positive!
One final reminder: have patience with this process. There are no guarantees as to how long it will take to attract what you desire so don’t lose faith if it doesn’t happen within your time frame. Trust and believe that what you desire will appear exactly when it’s meant to.
The Law of Attraction is a powerful perspective to adopt. We’ve seen it work in our own lives and we encourage you to try it in yours.
Begin by asking yourself, what do I want more of in my life?
Then take time to really envision it in detail. Believe that it will happen, if not now, then someday in the future.
Stay positive and follow any nudges the universe sends your way…even if it’s not what you were expecting.
Then be sure to celebrate when what you’ve wanted arrives in your life.
Believe that you can attract more of what you want in your life.
Today’s authors: Rena Larkin and Carol deLaski are life and leadership coaches who embrace and live by The Law of Attraction. Feel free to contact them to share your experience with this powerful principle. renalarkin@gmail.com / carol@caroldelaski.com
by Carol deLaski | Sep 2, 2016 | Laura Hall
What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do I know when I have enough… When I am enough?
As I prepare for September’s Wholistic Woman Retreats ‘Be Enough’ event, I’ve been thinking a lot about these questions. Here is what I’ve come up with so far…
Enough is really difficult for me to define and I’m not sure I know what enough really looks like.
I think this comes from growing up middle class in the United States where somewhere along the way I learned enough isn’t enough. Without realizing it, I bought into the idea that, for the most part, more is better.
This ‘never enough’ attitude spilled over into my thoughts about myself too and led me to spend a good deal of my first 30+ years of life pleasing, performing and perfecting. There was always more to do, more to be and more to have. And, like many of us, I thought my value and my worthiness was connected to doing more, being more and having more. This was exhausting!!!
What is enough? I think the answer to this question is probably different for everyone. For me, enough is not a quantity but rather a feeling of contentment that is free of fear.
Who gets to define it? We each get to define it for ourselves.
How do I know when I have enough? Sometimes I feel a little bit like Goldilocks in this area. First something is too big…then it is too small…then it is just right. For me it is often about finding the edges of too much and not enough and realizing that neither extreme brings me contentment that is free of fear and then settling in between those two edges.
I recently read the book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo and her idea of physically holding something that you own and asking the question, “Does this bring me joy?” has been very helpful in helping me find the balance of enough when it comes to things.
Intangibles are another story! Is there something as enough joy…enough love…enough peace? Is it selfish of me to want to believe that there is no limit or edge to things like this? Can you have enough of something, yet still want more? I do think I have enough of these things in my life. If you know me personally, then you know I am happy and content with where I am in life right now. However, that doesn’t stop me from wanting more. Maybe I am a joy, love and peace junkie, but I’m OK with that!
How do I know when I am enough? If you ever spend time observing 2-3 year olds, you know that they inherently know they are enough. They don’t worry about what other people think about them. I’m sure when I was that age I too knew I was enough. I didn’t worry about if I was doing things perfectly or how my crayon drawings compared to those of my peers. I just did my thing without worrying what other people thought. Unfortunately, life stepped in and again, somewhere along the line slowly and gradually I began to question my self worth. This process happened so slowly, I didn’t even notice it happening.
In 2010 I stumbled upon a TED talk give by Dr. Brené Brown (Click here to watch) and watching this 20 minute presentation changed my life! I look back now and realize that watching this video was the first step in my journey toward returning to that place I came from before the world taught me to question my “enoughness”.
In the introduction of her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, Brené writes…”Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging”. I LOVE THIS!!!!
I am definitely a work in progress here. I am on my way back to really knowing I am enough but some days are definitely better than others. Breaking old habits of pleasing, performing and perfecting takes focus and determination, and if I’m not mindful, I can easily slip back into these old patterns. As a student of A Course in Miracles, I believe that every day, every moment I have the choice to listen to one of two voices…One voice speaks of fear and the other voice speaks of love. I know I am enough when I remember to listen to the voice that speaks of love.
Now it’s your turn! What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do you know when you have enough… When you are enough? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!
On September 28th I will be leading a workshop on this topic. I hope you’ll consider joining me! Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at laurahallcoach@me.com or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Aug 29, 2016 | Health, Nutrition, Sandie Lynch
It seems like every few months a new diet hits the press promising fast weight loss, increased energy, and maybe even to fix all our health problems. As a Registered Dietitian, I have seen diets come and go over the years and the question that always enters my mind is, how long will this one be around?
Many times the diets are just too hard to follow or stick with over time, so individuals lose weight but eventually go off the diet and gain it all back with more. Earlier this year, U.S News & World Report published the “Best Diets” (http://health.usnews.com/best-diet ) as rated by a team of impressive experts (http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/experts) including physicians, nutritionists, and psychologists. These experts looked at the following criteria: how easy it is to follow, its ability to produce short-term and long-term weight loss, its nutritional completeness, its safety and its potential for preventing and managing diabetes and heart disease. From this report it appears most diets don’t work, at least long term. If you are considering following a popular diet, I recommend reviewing this report before you choose one.
The discouraging part of many of these diets is they do produce results, short term, but are very restrictive, and as individuals lose weight, they also lose lean body mass (muscle) – the very thing that maintains our metabolism, gives our body shape, and provides energy and power. As the individuals regain the weight, it’s all fat and the muscle is long gone… unless they are planning to rebuild it through regular a strength training program.
This “yo-yo” process is especially problematic as we grow older because it speeds up the natural loss of lean body mass that occurs with aging, leading us to feel weaker and older than we really are. So, how can we stop the weight loss, fat gain cycle? Below are 6 tried and true strategies that have worked for me and many of my clients to increase energy, keep the muscle, lose fat and keep it off.
- Say “No” to Diets: Many diets are restrictive or eliminate foods that are considered healthy with supporting studies that show these foods contribute to healthy outcomes and decreased chronic disease. Some of these foods include whole grains, dairy, and fruits. Of course if you have allergies it is best practice to avoid them.
- Eat a Balanced Diet: The best strategy is to eat a variety of foods in all food groups including lean meats, plant proteins such as peanut or almond butter, low fat dairy, fresh fruits and vegetables, legumes, and nuts and seeds. Avoid or at least limit processed foods that contain added salt, sugar, and fat.
- Eat smaller portions: Bottom line, most individuals gain weight because they eat is more than they burn. Just cutting back is a great first step. I learned a valuable strategy from one of my clients called the “80-20” rule – eat to feel 80% full by decreasing your portion by 20%. Don’t even put it on your plate to avoid the temptation to eat it.
- Avoid the Hunger Beast: The Hunger Beast is stronger than any will power. When we allow ourselves to get too hungry, no will power can stand. Eating a substantial snack between meals will help stand strong against temptation. Examples may be a mini bagel with natural peanut or almond butter, Greek yogurt with nuts, or garbanzo beans with Italian dressing, these snacks work great to take the hunger away until the next meal, making it possible to be in control of your choices.
- Eat Carbs to Spare Muscle: So many diets want us to believe carbohydrates are the enemy, when they are actually what helps spare our muscle when dieting. Typically, when losing weight, we lose fat, water, and muscle. When we eat low carbs, our body uses our protein for energy instead of using it to rebuild and spare our muscle. Best strategy is to eat a minimum of 125 to 150 gms of carbohydrates per day. Carbs don’t make us fat, over eating does. Most extremely lean body builders’ diets consist of 50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat. There are also studies showing no significant differences in weight loss when macronutrients (carbs, protein, and fat) percentages are adjusted between high protein/low carb to low fat/high carb. Overall studies show the primary contributing factor to weight loss is a calorie deficit.
- Pick a diet plan you can follow for life: No matter what diet you follow if you don’t like it or it is too hard to follow, it won’t work for you! Our brain needs to attach change with a positive to adhere to a diet. Otherwise, struggling will cause the brain to revert back to old habits. Therefore, gradually modify food choices and behaviors using the strategies above and move frequently to stay strong, energized, and healthy.
I would love to help you reach your goals and save you the frustration of following a diet to lose weight just to regain fat. ATP Fitness starting in September 2016 is focusing on “Eating for Energy” for the education theme. The group coaching following the exercise will review various diets, foods, and eating habits and their impact on weight, energy, and health. Learn more by contacting me at sandie@atphealthandfitness.com.
Today’s Author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
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