by Carol deLaski | Apr 6, 2016 | Change, Family, Kelye Rouse-Brown, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
Today I feel a sense of fulfillment from completing a trip that I have longed to take over the past few years. I called it my Roots to Boots tour because my family roots are in Oklahoma and I needed my brave boots from Texas to make this particular journey.
Designing the trip was fun, yet filled with uncertainty because I didn’t know how it would unfold. I can’t remember the last time I took two whole weeks off to spend time with my mom’s family members that I haven’t seen in over a decade (and probably only ten times in my entire life).
As I planned the trip, some of the questions I asked myself were:
Will my mom’s side of the family remember me…and embrace this trip as I do?
What surprises will I encounter to make this trip more challenging or complete?
I’m happy to say that these questions were answered positively and that I experienced some pleasant surprises. This trip was bittersweet as I celebrated both the successful three year anniversary of my Texas joint venture and the anniversary of my mom’s passing.
After reflecting on this much anticipated journey, I can truthfully say that I am happier than I was three years ago. I am happier because….
- I’m celebrating a successful business milestone with greater opportunities on the horizon
- I have reconnected with my family in Oklahoma, closing a lengthy ten year gap.
- I brought my mom’s ashes back to her roots, where she started her life and felt complete
- My husband and I made this journey, and celebrated this labor of love, together.
Recognizing and embracing the process of becoming happier is a wonderful, and joyful, benefit of this Roots to Boots trip. Planning this adventure made me uncomfortable at times. However, I realized that I needed to be courageous, and step out into the world, to bring a deeper level of peace and healing into my life. The timing seemed perfect. In hindsight, I see that I not only boosted myself with this trip but (according to my husband) I also boosted my extended family by traveling back to our roots.
I truly believe that happiness boosters are important in life.
What boosts your happiness?
What happiness boosters are you willing to explore to bring needed closure and peace to your life?
Remember that becoming happier is a lifelong pursuit. I encourage you to discover ways to rejuvenate yourself to feel happier.
Do you want to learn more about becoming happier?
Ladies, you’re invited to the Be Happier Evening Retreat where I will be teaching techniques from the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar on April 27 at Jo Jo’s Restaurant from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and to register and reserve your spot. Make a friend happier and invite her to join you!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Mar 1, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
Which words in this quote stand out to you?
The word confidently resonates the most to me. As I read it, I imagine myself striding purposefully towards my personal and professional dreams. I am not lackadaisical or distracted, but rather I envision my head held high, arms swinging beside my body, and eyes focused ahead of me as I steadily move forward. I like this image!
To be honest, though, the poise and assurance of self-confidence can be elusive; sometimes I have it and sometimes I don’t.
Research shows that when we feel confident we are likely to exhibit some of these behaviors:
- We do what we believe is right, even if others mock or criticize us for it.
- We are willing to take risks and go the extra mile to achieve our goals.
- We admit our mistakes, and learn from them.
- We wait for others to congratulate us on our accomplishments.
- We accept compliments graciously, “Thanks, I really worked hard on that project. I’m pleased that you recognize my efforts.”
By contrast, when we lack confidence we frequently demonstrate these behaviors
- We choose our actions based on what other people think.
- We stay in our comfort zone, fear failure, and avoid taking risks.
- We work hard to cover up mistakes and hope that we can fix a problem before anyone notices it.
- We promote our own virtues as often as possible, to as many people as possible.
- We dismiss compliments offhandedly, “Oh that project was nothing, really, anyone could have done it.”
I’ve come to learn that self-confidence is really a balancing act.
There are 4 steps that each of us can adopt to be more confident.
Step 1: Know who you are. A healthy appreciation of what makes you unique is the foundation for self-confidence. It is important to know your strengths and values, and to be grounded in that which you have control over…namely, yourself.
Step 2: Manage your mental chatter. It is hard to know, love, and accept yourself in a world that encourages us to compare ourselves to others. Marketing companies want us to yearn for the product or service they’re selling; they intend for us to feel incomplete without it. We must guard against the onslaught of messages that imply we are not enough.
In addition, we have more information at our fingertips than ever before. It is easy to take a spectator seat, watching other people’s lives via social media and to compare ourselves to them. We can be drawn into thinking they are more attractive, smarter, luckier, and happier than we are. The truth is that we only see a small slice of the lives of others, and no one really knows another person’s reality. Comparing yourself to others and judging yourself as ‘less than’ is detrimental to knowing and accepting the unique individual that you are.
A sidekick to comparison is negative self-talk. The inner critic can run rampant in most of our minds and we must be intentional not to let it drag us down. Like tuning into a radio station, dial past the static of self-critical thoughts that deflate you, and tune into positive thinking. Managing your mental chatter will free up space, and energy, for step 3.
Step 3: Decide who you want to be. As you practice the first 2 steps of accepting yourself and focusing on the positive, you will be ready to decide how you want to be and what you want to do. What is your vision and dream for your work…and for your life overall? Once you have the vision, create small action steps to move you in the direction of your dream. We are meant to be a work-in-progress, so celebrate each step that you make and use it as a launch pad for the next step on your journey. Evolve into who you are called to be.
Step 4: Know your Team. While you pursue your work and life vision, know that you are not alone. There will be days when lack of confidence will rear its ugly head and you may experience some of the anxious behaviors listed above. Who can you count on to support you when you are fearful? Who will stand with you in the gap formed by self-doubt and remind you that you are still special and loved? Who believes in you even when you struggle to believe in yourself? Perhaps that person will remind you to circle around and begin steps 1 through 4 all over again. By practicing them faithfully and intentionally, you will notice how your confidence flourishes.
Let me know your thoughts on these steps to greater self-confidence by leaving a comment here or emailing me directly.
An invitation for women who want more information on this topic:
You’re invited to join me for the Wholistic Woman ‘Be Confident’ Evening Retreat on March 30th from 5:30-7:30 pm. These evening retreats are open to women in the Frederick area who are interested in personal and professional development in a supportive, fun, and friendly environment. Click here for the workshop description and/or to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski (PCC) is a professional certified coach, speaker, and author who specializes in strengths development for businesses and individuals. Her coaching book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith is a springboard to develop inner wisdom and resilience. Visit her website or send an email with your comments or to arrange for a free consultation.
www.Caroldelaski.com | [email protected]
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 22, 2016 | Laura Hall
Tell me more about the retreat in March!
We’ve been getting this request a lot lately so today’s blog will provide the answer and tell you what you can expect at our 2016 overnight retreat.
This retreat has been designed to be a unique blend of Education, Inspiration and Relaxation. We are super excited about our location this year!!! If you haven’t heard already, this year’s retreat is being held at the beautiful Antrim 1844 Country House Hotel, which is just 15 minutes from historic Gettysburg, PA. This is truly a destination location and some of you may choose to stay a 2nd night. If this is something you are interested in, the staff at Antrim 1844 will be happy to assist you and offer you our group rate. Here is how one of the reviewers on Trip Advisor described Antrim 1844, “One of the best kept secrets in the area. A fabulous bed-and-breakfast location with five-star dining, this little gem in northern Maryland should be on everyone’s bucket list.” We’ve arranged for private rooms at Antrim 1844, but if you are coming with a friend and would like to stay together, that can be accommodated too.
Wholistic Woman Retreats provides personal and professional development opportunities for women-on-the-grow. This year’s overnight retreat is called Strong You because the educational component is based on Dr. Brené Brown’s latest book, Rising Strong. As a researcher, Brené Brown has studied what it takes to pick yourself up after life knocks you down; because the truth is…if we are actively out there living life, then we will fall down from time to time. Some falls feel big… like the death of a loved one, a scary medical diagnosis, or a failed relationship, for example, and some falls may feel small… like when we feel like we’ve been reprimanded by our superior, our teenager tells us we are the worst mother ever, or we just feel like we could be doing better. The Rising Strong process will help you no matter the size of the falls you’ve experienced.
If you are curious about how your time will be spent, here’s what you can expect…
We have a gentle start to the weekend so that you can take your time getting here and transition from your everyday life into retreat mode. You may check into your room at Antrim 1844 anytime after 2 pm on March 4th. Retreat registration starts at 3 pm and continues until 5:45. For those of you who can arrive early you may want to take advantage of some of our ‘settling in’ activities. Some options during this time are to explore the beautiful grounds, have a private session with one of our life coaches, take time to journal and set your intentions for the weekend, or have tea in the drawing room to meet other guests. The choice is yours! If you can’t arrive early, don’t worry! The program will begin after dinner which is at 6 pm and will run to 9:00. We will cap the evening with an optional guided meditation to relax and prepare you for a rejuvenating night’s sleep.
On Saturday, the breakfast buffet runs from 8-8:45 am. If you are an early bird, there will be optional self-care activities beginning at 6:30 am. Maybe you’ll want to join other Wholistic Women for a gentle morning exercise session, or get up early to journal about your takeaways from Friday night, or casually stroll the grounds of Antrim 1844…again, the choice is yours. After breakfast, we will regroup at 9 am for a fun-filled day that will be a combination of education, self-care activities, creative exercises, and reflections. We finish our day with a reception from 5-6 pm to celebrate your insights and growth.
Who is this retreat for?
This retreat is perfect for women (high school aged or older) who value staying connected to themselves as well as being part of a supportive community. It’s for women who are curious about what it takes to get back up after a fall…as well as for women who have already had experiences of Rising Strong at some point in their lives. It’s for the woman who is constantly putting herself at the bottom of the priority list…as well as for the woman who understands that filling her own cup first is what allows her to generously give to others. It is for the woman who feels alone and longs for a place where she belongs…as well as for the woman who already knows she is valued and enough just the way she is. In short, this retreat is for every woman!
We encourage you to join us on March 4th and 5th, 2016 for our ‘Strong You’ Premiere Retreat. You can find more details, including the full schedule, and registration information by clicking here. Remember to share this wonderful opportunity with your friends and consider making it a girls get-away weekend.
Click here to visit the Antrim 1844 website. If you have any questions, email [email protected].
Do you love your life? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 9, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” ~ Dr. Seuss
These words, by one of my favorite authors, reminds us of our uniqueness. My wish for you this year is to become more fully your Self. May you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person.
Who do you want to be this year?
What will it take to get there?
What will you need to include, or exclude, to help you move towards that vision?
I have found that using a theme word for the year is a helpful tool to guide my growth. I highly recommend it if you are seeking new perspectives and direction in your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe…or whatever you call that which is bigger than us…intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking a good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process looks like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these questions:
- What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
- What’s in my way? In other words, what’s blocking me?
- What needs to go? What do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expected. In fact, your mind may reject it but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it, even if it doesn’t make sense initially. Try to have an attitude of curiosity about the word you receive.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by living with it through easy, as well as challenging times.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that serve me best, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was unusual. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive, divine, messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
After spending a year with each of my words I realize that they become a part of me. I’ve developed a habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction which continues long after the year is over. Each word has been a blessing.
As 2016 begins, I am again going through the process to discover a new theme word. I invite you to join me.
If you’d like to learn more about the One Word Process you can find it in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a Stretch Team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of our Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 27th from 5:30-7:30 pm. This will be the kickoff for a series of ‘Be You’ Evening Retreats in 2016. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear stories of it’s positive impact on other individuals. If you already have a Word for 2016 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about it.
At the Launch Party you will also learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2016. You’re invited to join us for all 8 of these evening retreats to learn, grow, and stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team.
Now is the time to become a member of the Wholistic Woman Community to receive discounts on all our events. Click here to see details about the ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat Package or register for just the Launch Party. Come to one…or all eight! When you register for the entire series you will receive a $40 savings (events are transferable…so you can give them away if you find that you can’t make some dates)! Join us in the way that feels right to you.
Remember, in this community of women-on-the-grow you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you!
Each of us is a work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
In closing, I share the quote by Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 8, 2016 | Change, Guest Blogging
To resolve or not to resolve – that is often the question at this time of year. Many of us make New Year’s Resolutions because we know there are things we want, or need, to start or stop doing and this is our opportunity to try and make those changes. There are also many of us that recognize we are not actually going to follow through on our resolutions, or don’t like the idea of once-a-year resolutions, so we don’t make them. Or perhaps we realize that we are constantly growing and changing, and that the New Year is simply a time to recognize the growth we’ve accomplished and to look forward to the possibilities in the upcoming year.
One of my favorite things to do at the beginning of each year is to use the Annual Review and Planning Guide that I received from Coach Carol deLaski a few years ago. The guide is a series of questions that encourage me to look back on the past year to “savor the blessings and evaluate how the year went”. Then, it asks me to look towards the upcoming year to “envision the year ahead” which allows me to set intentions for who I want to be and what I want to accomplish. This important annual review process is a form of re-awakening for me – a special time when I can recognize how much I have changed and grown in a year, and to ask – and answer – some tough questions about what I’ve done and who I’ve been, and to look towards the upcoming year to see what I want to do and who I want to be.
This is my third year doing this process, and reading back over the past few years, I discovered something that I already sub-consciously knew, but didn’t have the evidence to back up before – every year, there are a few of the exact same items that keep showing up on the list of what I want to change in the upcoming year, but I have yet to make those adjustments. So I have to ask myself – do I really want to change these things, or do I just say that I do and hide behind excuses as to why it doesn’t happen?
That’s a tough question for me. There are so many areas of my life that are wonderful and moving forward in the direction I want – my grown kids are all independent and doing well; my husband and I are creating the life we want; I sold a business that had become burdensome; and I’m making plans to travel – a lot – in the upcoming years. But there are two areas that I consistently say I need to change – one is my health and the other is initiating contact with people – which I don’t follow through on. I notice that I allow those two unmet goals to overshadow the forward movement I make in everything else.
For 2016, one of my intentions is to come to terms with those two goals. If I honestly feel that the goal is an area that I want to focus on, then I need to set the intention and create a plan to move towards that goal. However, if it is on my list simply because it’s been there in the past but didn’t get done, I need to take an honest look as to whether or not it should still be on the list, and make decisions accordingly. It may need to come off the list, or it may need to be re-evaluated and my expectations changed.
I encourage each and every one of you to reflect on this past year and to envision the upcoming one. If you do, there are a few ideas that may help:
- Give yourself the gift of time. It may take several days or a week. In any case, be sure that the time is spent in peace and quiet, without other interruptions.
- Be honest with yourself, but be kind. If you find yourself focusing on the negatives of last year rather than the positives, think about how you would encourage a friend that was feeling that way.
- Consider the goals for the upcoming year as intentions. This allows you to take into consideration where to start, rather than how to finish. Think about the commitments you’re willing to make in order to move forward.
- Decide how you want to remember these goals/intentions. Whether it is a vision board, an accountability partner, or another source, it is important to keep the vision in front of you throughout the year.
I hope that you are able to take some time – both now and throughout the year – to recognize your accomplishments and steps you have made to move forward. I look forward to seeing and interacting with the Wholistic Woman Community in the upcoming year as we grow and become even more intentional about how we live our life.
Karen Smith Racicot is an Affiliate Coach with the Wholistic Coaching Coalition and owner of E3Coaching. She has also worked in the accounting field for over 25 years. She is passionate about helping women organize their financial paperwork so that they are able to navigate life’s inevitable challenges and helps turn them into opportunities. She can be reached at [email protected].
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