by Carol deLaski | Sep 2, 2016 | Laura Hall
What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do I know when I have enough… When I am enough?
As I prepare for September’s Wholistic Woman Retreats ‘Be Enough’ event, I’ve been thinking a lot about these questions. Here is what I’ve come up with so far…
Enough is really difficult for me to define and I’m not sure I know what enough really looks like.
I think this comes from growing up middle class in the United States where somewhere along the way I learned enough isn’t enough. Without realizing it, I bought into the idea that, for the most part, more is better.
This ‘never enough’ attitude spilled over into my thoughts about myself too and led me to spend a good deal of my first 30+ years of life pleasing, performing and perfecting. There was always more to do, more to be and more to have. And, like many of us, I thought my value and my worthiness was connected to doing more, being more and having more. This was exhausting!!!
What is enough? I think the answer to this question is probably different for everyone. For me, enough is not a quantity but rather a feeling of contentment that is free of fear.
Who gets to define it? We each get to define it for ourselves.
How do I know when I have enough? Sometimes I feel a little bit like Goldilocks in this area. First something is too big…then it is too small…then it is just right. For me it is often about finding the edges of too much and not enough and realizing that neither extreme brings me contentment that is free of fear and then settling in between those two edges.
I recently read the book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo and her idea of physically holding something that you own and asking the question, “Does this bring me joy?” has been very helpful in helping me find the balance of enough when it comes to things.
Intangibles are another story! Is there something as enough joy…enough love…enough peace? Is it selfish of me to want to believe that there is no limit or edge to things like this? Can you have enough of something, yet still want more? I do think I have enough of these things in my life. If you know me personally, then you know I am happy and content with where I am in life right now. However, that doesn’t stop me from wanting more. Maybe I am a joy, love and peace junkie, but I’m OK with that!
How do I know when I am enough? If you ever spend time observing 2-3 year olds, you know that they inherently know they are enough. They don’t worry about what other people think about them. I’m sure when I was that age I too knew I was enough. I didn’t worry about if I was doing things perfectly or how my crayon drawings compared to those of my peers. I just did my thing without worrying what other people thought. Unfortunately, life stepped in and again, somewhere along the line slowly and gradually I began to question my self worth. This process happened so slowly, I didn’t even notice it happening.
In 2010 I stumbled upon a TED talk give by Dr. Brené Brown (Click here to watch) and watching this 20 minute presentation changed my life! I look back now and realize that watching this video was the first step in my journey toward returning to that place I came from before the world taught me to question my “enoughness”.
In the introduction of her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, Brené writes…”Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging”. I LOVE THIS!!!!
I am definitely a work in progress here. I am on my way back to really knowing I am enough but some days are definitely better than others. Breaking old habits of pleasing, performing and perfecting takes focus and determination, and if I’m not mindful, I can easily slip back into these old patterns. As a student of A Course in Miracles, I believe that every day, every moment I have the choice to listen to one of two voices…One voice speaks of fear and the other voice speaks of love. I know I am enough when I remember to listen to the voice that speaks of love.
Now it’s your turn! What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do you know when you have enough… When you are enough? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!
On September 28th I will be leading a workshop on this topic. I hope you’ll consider joining me! Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Aug 29, 2016 | Health, Nutrition, Sandie Lynch
It seems like every few months a new diet hits the press promising fast weight loss, increased energy, and maybe even to fix all our health problems. As a Registered Dietitian, I have seen diets come and go over the years and the question that always enters my mind is, how long will this one be around?
Many times the diets are just too hard to follow or stick with over time, so individuals lose weight but eventually go off the diet and gain it all back with more. Earlier this year, U.S News & World Report published the “Best Diets” (http://health.usnews.com/best-diet ) as rated by a team of impressive experts (http://health.usnews.com/best-diet/experts) including physicians, nutritionists, and psychologists. These experts looked at the following criteria: how easy it is to follow, its ability to produce short-term and long-term weight loss, its nutritional completeness, its safety and its potential for preventing and managing diabetes and heart disease. From this report it appears most diets don’t work, at least long term. If you are considering following a popular diet, I recommend reviewing this report before you choose one.
The discouraging part of many of these diets is they do produce results, short term, but are very restrictive, and as individuals lose weight, they also lose lean body mass (muscle) – the very thing that maintains our metabolism, gives our body shape, and provides energy and power. As the individuals regain the weight, it’s all fat and the muscle is long gone… unless they are planning to rebuild it through regular a strength training program.
This “yo-yo” process is especially problematic as we grow older because it speeds up the natural loss of lean body mass that occurs with aging, leading us to feel weaker and older than we really are. So, how can we stop the weight loss, fat gain cycle? Below are 6 tried and true strategies that have worked for me and many of my clients to increase energy, keep the muscle, lose fat and keep it off.
- Say “No” to Diets: Many diets are restrictive or eliminate foods that are considered healthy with supporting studies that show these foods contribute to healthy outcomes and decreased chronic disease. Some of these foods include whole grains, dairy, and fruits. Of course if you have allergies it is best practice to avoid them.
- Eat a Balanced Diet: The best strategy is to eat a variety of foods in all food groups including lean meats, plant proteins such as peanut or almond butter, low fat dairy, fresh fruits and vegetables, legumes, and nuts and seeds. Avoid or at least limit processed foods that contain added salt, sugar, and fat.
- Eat smaller portions: Bottom line, most individuals gain weight because they eat is more than they burn. Just cutting back is a great first step. I learned a valuable strategy from one of my clients called the “80-20” rule – eat to feel 80% full by decreasing your portion by 20%. Don’t even put it on your plate to avoid the temptation to eat it.
- Avoid the Hunger Beast: The Hunger Beast is stronger than any will power. When we allow ourselves to get too hungry, no will power can stand. Eating a substantial snack between meals will help stand strong against temptation. Examples may be a mini bagel with natural peanut or almond butter, Greek yogurt with nuts, or garbanzo beans with Italian dressing, these snacks work great to take the hunger away until the next meal, making it possible to be in control of your choices.
- Eat Carbs to Spare Muscle: So many diets want us to believe carbohydrates are the enemy, when they are actually what helps spare our muscle when dieting. Typically, when losing weight, we lose fat, water, and muscle. When we eat low carbs, our body uses our protein for energy instead of using it to rebuild and spare our muscle. Best strategy is to eat a minimum of 125 to 150 gms of carbohydrates per day. Carbs don’t make us fat, over eating does. Most extremely lean body builders’ diets consist of 50% carbs, 30% protein, and 20% fat. There are also studies showing no significant differences in weight loss when macronutrients (carbs, protein, and fat) percentages are adjusted between high protein/low carb to low fat/high carb. Overall studies show the primary contributing factor to weight loss is a calorie deficit.
- Pick a diet plan you can follow for life: No matter what diet you follow if you don’t like it or it is too hard to follow, it won’t work for you! Our brain needs to attach change with a positive to adhere to a diet. Otherwise, struggling will cause the brain to revert back to old habits. Therefore, gradually modify food choices and behaviors using the strategies above and move frequently to stay strong, energized, and healthy.
I would love to help you reach your goals and save you the frustration of following a diet to lose weight just to regain fat. ATP Fitness starting in September 2016 is focusing on “Eating for Energy” for the education theme. The group coaching following the exercise will review various diets, foods, and eating habits and their impact on weight, energy, and health. Learn more by contacting me at [email protected].
Today’s Author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 22, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development
What do you think of when you hear the term ‘mission trip’?
Does it sound inviting…interesting…or does it conjure up unpleasant thoughts and images in your mind?
To be honest, when I first heard the term mission trip years ago, I made a few assumptions.
- I assumed that mission trips were all work and no fun. I questioned why I would I use my limited vacation time to do physical labor for complete strangers.
- I assumed that the participants on these trips would be pushy and would force their faith beliefs onto everyone around them.
- And I assumed that I couldn’t handle seeing that level of poverty firsthand.
My first opportunity to take a mission trip surprisingly came through my son, Ben. As a teenager, he was an active member of a youth group at our church. When he was a freshman in high school he and his church friends jumped at the opportunity to travel together on a Group Work Camp trip to do home repairs in Buffalo, New York. Admittedly, he was more motivated by the idea of traveling, socializing, and hanging out with his friends then by helping others, but that was okay. He grew spiritually and emotionally on that trip and was so excited by the experience that when he returned he said, “Mom, you have to do this next summer…you would LOVE it!”
I couldn’t refuse such an invitation from my son and we did youth mission trips together over the following two summers. Ben was right. I did love it. I learned that my assumptions were wrong. It was deeply enriching to travel and work with high school students and to make a difference in the lives of those in need.
My eyes were opened, and my awareness expanded, as I saw living conditions that I had previously only imagined. My heart developed a deeper level of compassion as I talked with the homeowners we served. I found it easy to connect with many of them, including a single mother who, like me, was trying to create a safe, comfortable, and healthy home for her sons. We shared the same core values of service, love, generosity, gratitude, and faith. Our perspectives and beliefs naturally arose in casual conversations as we worked side by side…cleaning, weeding, painting and eating together. There was no pushiness or insistence to change one another; only openness and a genuine desire to connect our hearts and minds as we used our hands and bodies to improve lives. I found that this connectedness went both ways, and that I often received more than I gave from the experience.
On these trips we worked hard but that wasn’t all we did. After the work was done each day we played. Ultimate Frisbee tournaments, card games, music, and day trips to hike, picnic, and swim in nearby parks offered us relaxation and fun. We took time to explore and enjoy the areas that we served.
At the end of each day, we gathered for devotionals and shared stories and insights we had learned from our experiences. My favorite part of this time was the sharing of ‘God-Moments’; those unexpected moments when we felt God’s presence. Often they came when we felt an inner nudge to do or say something that (unknown to us) was exactly what someone else needed. With hindsight, we traced God’s presence with us each day. These times of accountability helped us support one another in seeing, feeling, and trusting in the daily presence and guidance of the Spirit of God.
The positive experiences with the youth led me to say yes this year to an invitation from my sweetheart, Greg, to join him on a V.I.M. (Volunteers in Mission) trip sponsored by his church. The group of 36 volunteers was comprised of men, women, and youth from four local churches ranging in age from 15-77. Unlike the youth Group Work Camp trips where we traveled by cars/vans, and buses…this trip entailed a flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico. This was a multi-legged journey. We traveled by van, plane, ferry, and yet again more vans, to get to our ultimate destination; the small town of Esperanza on the island of Vieques, PR. Each volunteer brought a second suitcase with items to donate to the local community; tools, clothing, food, athletic equipment, and more. The logistics of moving 36 individuals with 72 suitcases through a five legged journey was a challenge in and of itself!
Understandably, our theme word for the trip (of which our leader Ray often reminded us) was Patience. We had many opportunities to develop patience on the full day journeys there and back again. We also developed it as we lived together for seven days in close dormitory quarters with multiple people to a room, sleeping on bunk beds, and sharing bathrooms. Additionally, we developed patience on our work crews as those with skills taught the amateurs how to use tools and do the work that was necessary.
Before going, I set a few intentions for myself in order to get the most out of this experience.
- My first intention was to be humble, to look for opportunities to serve, and not hesitate to help in any way that I could. I wanted to be open, conscious, and non-judgmental. With that in mind, I focused on full engagement: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. By bringing my whole self to the trip I knew that I would learn lessons which were uniquely meant for me.
- Physically, I wanted to do my best…yet I was far from the most skilled laborer on the team. I was willing to serve, though, in whatever way was needed. That meant cleaning our team bathrooms, filling and refilling the crew’s water bottles, as well as swinging a hammer, varnishing boards, and learning how to mix mortar and lay ceramic floor tiles.
- I also set the intention to do my best mentally and emotionally. I was curious to experience the cultural, language, and lifestyle differences that this opportunity provided. I wanted to be present…to really see each person I met, listen to their stories, accept and learn from them.
- Spiritually, I set the intention to look for God in nature and to savor the beauty of this Caribbean island. I also wanted to find opportunities to talk about faith with the people I met; my fellow travelers as well as the townspeople and members of the local churches. I wanted to catch the God-moments -trusting that the Spirit would guide my actions and words to create genuine connections with the people with whom I worked and played.
One such person was Hector. We worked at his church in the town of Isabel for 4.5 days building an interior wall with 4 acrylic windows on either side of a double door. The purpose of the wall was to keep the air-conditioning inside the sanctuary instead of flowing out the front door. Vieques is a tropical climate; the wall would make the worship space more comfortable and would provide savings on their energy bills. As ten of us worked on the wall, Hector, and/or other church leaders would stop by to see our daily progress, express their gratitude, and encourage us. I enjoyed talking with Hector throughout the week and felt a deep connection with him as we told one another about our lives, work, and faith. He became a special friend and we encouraged one another. There were many God-led moments throughout the week that enriched my experiences with the people we served, those who worked beside me, and residents of Vieques.
Similar to my youth Work Camp experiences, we had time to explore and enjoy the island each day after our work was done. It was delightful to take a cooling swim in the stunningly beautiful Caribbean and wander the coast looking for sea glass and shells that we don’t normally find on our northern continental US Atlantic beaches. There were opportunities to kayak, snorkel, hike the island, and see the glow of the diatoms in the Bio-Luminescence Bay at night under a velvety black sky studded with stars. We enjoyed God’s creation and also boosted the local economy as we ate and shopped in Esperanza. We were especially delighted with the jewelry local crafts people made from the sea glass we collected. As we visited the local businesses we realized that the entire town knew who we were. It’s not possible for a group of 36 people to come to tiny Esperanza without everyone knowing about it! We were surprised time and again at the friendliness, generosity, and gratitude of the community…even those who were not directly involved with our work appreciated our service. The people of Vieques welcomed us and thanked us for helping to improve their community.
I brought home a few treasured sea shells and mementos from my time on Vieques. More importantly, though, I brought home an important reminder from my Island-Time and that is:
When I step out of my comfort zone to help others, I receive much more than I give. By immersing myself in ten days of practicing the values of patience, adaptability, service, generosity, and gratitude, I not only benefitted others but I benefitted myself as well.
I don’t need to go on a mission trip to use these gifts. I can use them right at home in my everyday life. I am, however, very grateful for the powerful reminders that such service experiences provide. I have a renewed commitment to look for opportunities to do good, serve others, and connect to others. I know that with such focus I will continue to grow, be a blessing, and be blessed.
Whether near or far, when the opportunity to help others comes your way, I hope you will give. Then be ready to receive the gifts meant for you which are uniquely found in service!
*If you would like to learn more about setting intentions and achieving the results you desire, join us for the next evening retreat, Be Focused, on August 31st from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a leadership coach, speaker, and author who specializes in developing the strengths of individuals and organizations. She is the Founder and CEO of Wholistic Woman Retreats which provides personal and professional development programs for women-on-the-grow. You may learn more about her at www.caroldelaski.com or email her directly at: [email protected] to have her work with you or your group.
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 3, 2016 | Kelye Rouse-Brown
This feels like the first year in a long time I have connected with summer time. I am such a fan of fall time and usually summer is just a season before my favorite time of the year. More and more, I try to enjoy every season and appreciate what each one brings. This summer I’ve been thinking a lot about what I appreciate about summer. Here is what I’ve come up with…
Summer makes me feel joyful when:
• Fireflies are around, they are such a treat!
Do you ever just sit and watch those cute bugs light up the sky? Just pause and enjoy the little pleasures of the bright spots around you.
• Sunny days wake me up and bring positive energy to the day!
Do you ever take a moment to enjoy the sunrise or sunset? We all know that vitamin D is good for you. Try soaking some in on the next sunny day.
• Ice cream is just around the corner to chill the hot day! ….we recently stopped at DQ and enjoyed some hot chocolate sundaes and root beer floats. I didn’t get annoyed with the very long line. Instead, I just looked around at all the happy faces anticipating the yummy delight coming their way!
I am sure we all have favorite seasons, and can outline why each one is special to us and our personal needs. This year, I have really enjoyed focusing on the things I like about summer. And speaking of “focusing”, another fun thing that I’ll be doing this summer is attending Donna Kettell’s upcoming ‘Be Focused’ session on visualization on August 31st. If you’d like to join me, you can click here for details.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 1, 2016 | Donna Kettell
Sometimes when I mention the word visualization, I hear people say, “Oh I don’t have time to do things like that, I am just too busy!” I definitely understand feeling busy, I often say that myself. However, I have come to realize that when I take even just a few moments each day to quiet my mind, create a clear positive intention for my day, and visualize that day unfolding the way I desire it to, I have seen that my busy, hectic, “way too much to do” kind of life seems to fall into place much more easily and effortlessly. Why is that? I believe it has to do with FOCUS!
In fact, “Focused” is my 2016 One Word. I have had a few recurring things on my to do list every new year for the past several years. So I decided that 2016 was going to be the year that I could put a big check mark next to at least one of those overwhelming goals – renovating! I had plans to renovate my kitchen, powder room and master bathroom. I had started thinking about the project in 2014 and came closer to doing it in 2015 but seemed to lose focus (ah, there’s that word again!) and I allowed myself to say, I’m too busy for this, I’m going to have to do it some other time! Well, we all know “some other time” is never easily found unless we are intentional about how we use the time we have. So, in 2016, I made the commitment to focus on my renovation project, start to finish, no matter what! And, guess what happened? I am very excited to say that my renovation will be done soon!
So, how does my renovation project have anything at all to do with the topic of visualization? That’s easy – visualization has been a constant companion throughout my journey. Whenever I felt frustrated because I could not find the right cabinet pulls or because the decisions around which appliances to buy seemed daunting, I would stop and say, this does not have to be difficult – the answers are out there, I just have not found them yet….and I would visualize finding the answers to whatever that day’s challenge was. And, I can honestly say, this process works! There have been many days when I would visualize finding something I was searching for, and somewhat miraculously it seemed to materialize – whether it was through a creative idea from a dear friend, or randomly opening a magazine that outlined just the right advice. Somehow the answers came easily when I just trusted in the process.
For me, visualization really goes hand in hand with prayer and meditation. I am a spiritual person and I do believe that we are all created with unlimited power within us to create the lives we desire. Visualization is a practice that allows us to calm our minds, take a deep breath, get a very clear picture of what we intend to bring into our lives, and then trust and believe that all those good things are coming our way. I find that using visualization gives me strength, hope and confidence that empowers me to live the life I am focused on living.
As often as I have seen the amazing power of visualization over the last several years, I still find myself amazed at the process. And, because I am a work in progress, at times, I still opt to worry about how I am going to work out some problem or situation. And then I remember, there is a better way – visualize it, instead of worrying about it! And, I am always pleasantly surprised with the way that I seem to find just what I need, seemingly effortlessly, when I need it. Visualization feels like this cool little secret that I have discovered that has changed the way I look at my life.
I’d love to share more about the practice of visualization with you. I’ll be a presenter at the Be Focused event on Wednesday August 31st at 530 pm and would love to walk you through some easy steps to start visualizing the life you intend to lead. I feel confident that this process could truly empower you by enhancing your focus in life with very little time and effort. It certainly has done that for me. Hope to see you in August! Click here for details and registration information.
I am also available to coach clients individually or present group workshops. If you would like to have a coach in your corner as you visualize and create the life you intend to live, please reach out to me at [email protected].
I would welcome the opportunity to partner with you in your exciting journey!
Today’s blog was written by WWR Affiliate Coach, Donna Kettell. Donna is a certified professional coach (CPC) and a master practitioner in energy leadership (ELI-MP). Her certifications were earned through The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation (ICF).
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What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do I know when I have enough… When I am enough?
