by Carol deLaski | Jan 30, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Retreats
In just a few short weeks, our signature overnight retreat will be here! This year the theme is Wholehearted Living, based on The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown.
We asked two Wholistic Woman members, Pat and Gloria, to tell us the impact last year’s retreat at Antrim 1844 had on their lives and well-being. Read on to find out what they have to say about our retreats…
What was your favorite part of the last retreat?
[PAT] I really ended up enjoying the location. I have attended most of the retreats over the years (I think I’ve only missed one of them) so I’ve gone to lots of different venues and formats. This retreat was more of a commitment financially, but I soaked up and enjoyed the space and the pampering. So that was the most surprising part. The content is always valuable for me, as well as the connection with other people.
[GLORIA] The retreat was the very first Wholistic Woman event that I had ever attended. I had very little information as to what Wholistic Woman was all about, so I had no preconceived notions of what to expect. As I arrived, I was pleased with the surroundings…I loved the mansion and the history. At the retreat itself I enjoyed the ability to talk to people about things other than work or relocating to this area. It was nice to see a different kind of conversation coming about and just the positivity! Nobody was critiquing, complaining, judging – there was none of that. I didn’t even sense it. Everybody genuinely had open minds, open hearts, and welcoming arms. They wanted to just make everybody’s day better and everybody’s idea of what tomorrow could be more positive. So it was enlightening in that way.
What did you gain from the experience?
[PAT] I really enjoy Brené Brown’s books and materials, so for me having an opportunity to process and work with it, both individually and in the group, is valuable. Having it presented to me in different ways by the coaches, I find that I get a lot more out of the material and I’m much more able to apply things.
[GLORIA] It was actually quite eye-opening. I think I went with a little bit of pessimism, like… ‘oh my gosh, this is going to be one of those little feel-good things and it’s just going to be all kumbaya.’ But then we started getting into the meat of the program, diving into the topic that we were discussing. It was actually Carol’s presentation towards the end of the retreat when we were talking about grieving. I have only been in this area for 4 years after my husband took a new job and we moved from California. When we sold my home and left the place I had known my entire life, it was within six-months after I had lost my father and we had moved my daughter across the country to college. I left family, friends, my career, and pulled my son out school to move across the country. So all of those things happened in such short order that I had just dealt with them. I explained to Carol what I just mentioned and asked is there a grieving process for those types of events. And she said, “Oh my heavens, yes!” And the waterworks just started. It was the first time since all of that began that I actually took the time to realize that I had lost so much of what my world was. The snow globe of my world didn’t just get shaken but it cracked and everything spewed out. It wasn’t my reality anymore and I didn’t know how to be happy. I was functioning because things had to get done but I wasn’t enjoying it. I was getting pretty darn miserable because I was starting to get resentful over everything I perceived I had given up. So it was tough. For me, it was incredible that I gained that much insight from the retreat and I was able to just breathe. I stayed an extra night and I just allowed myself to cry. But it was OK. It was a new beginning. I got more out of it than I would have ever imagined.
Would you go to this year’s retreat?
[PAT] Oh yeah, I’m already registered!
[GLORIA] I actually have already signed up for this retreat! I’m just going to sit back and observe this time.
What is your advice for anyone who may be on the fence about attending?
[PAT] Don’t think that you need to come with a buddy. Just come and be very open because the group is very open. I always meet new and different people in addition to re-connecting. Come with an open mind and intend to maximize the time for yourself. I’ll tell you my story…last year check-in was 2:00. Despite my desire to connect with the coaches and a number of people there, I showed up at 2:00 and checked in to my room and I immediately started drawing a hot bath. Now, I tend to be a person who likes to connect with other people, but I just wanted to soak in this beautiful space first. I completely indulged in the room and what was there because it was so delightful. And then, I went to tea at 4 o’clock, but by the time I showed up for tea, I’d already had a bath, I’d already settled into my room. There was none of this drop and run, because it wasn’t just like the Hilton or the Holiday Inn or whatever…it was really lovely. When I told people how I began the retreat they said, ‘oh, what a good idea!’ Because your time is very full and there is a lot going on. So give yourself permission to do what you need to do to enjoy that space and not worry about anybody else. It’s okay to receive and enjoy the whole experience.
[GLORIA] We all come from different places and, to me, it seems that if you’re already thinking about attending, there must be something calling you to try it. You’ll never really know until you do. You can ask 50 of us that went and everybody will give you a different answer. So I think if it’s already in your mind and you’re thinking: ‘Sounds like a good idea but I don’t know if I should.’ Just do it. You have nothing to lose. At worst, you’re going to meet new people, enjoy some exquisite cuisine, a beautiful mansion with an incredible history, and whatever the weather holds. You will hear a few conversations and maybe connect with somebody else who has a similar story that you could bounce ideas off of and in doing so make a new friend…there’s nothing wrong with making a new friend!
We hope to see all of you at the Wholehearted Living Retreat this year!
Click here for more information and registration.
Don’t delay…reserve your spot today. Bring a special friend or two, if you like, and make it a girl’s getaway weekend.
Today’s Author: Thank you to Kira Tregoning, WWR Social Media Coordinator, for interviewing WWR members, Pat Herber and Gloria Murray for today’s blog.
by Carol deLaski | Jan 15, 2017 | Sandie Lynch
Anyone who knows me, knows I love nature and the lessons we learn from it. One of my favorite pastimes is gardening and how it offers such great analogies for life. When a new year enters, a practice I have come to love is to review the closing year as a farmer would at harvest time; what crops to replant and asking if it’s time to plant something new. Keeping in mind this valuable proverb; ‘we reap what we sow, later than we sow, and more than we sow.’ I also use the nature analogy of “pruning” when reviewing my time and productivity. Life can get so busy with such great things, that productivity for any one thing suffers. Typically while gardening, I prune when a plant is healthy and thriving but it has taken up space where something else is trying to grow.
This year’s transition revealed that my priorities are changing and it was time to plant something new and do some pruning to create space for it to grow. My value to leave this earth with no regrets regularly prompts me to ensure my choices align with what is most important. The harsh reality is we all get the same amount of time to live life, therefore, periodic reprioritizing on how to fill this time is the only way to create space for planting the desired harvest. With this said, I want to share my decision for creating space for a few new crops.
Over the past few years, I have entered into a new relationship and have been working on developing my ATP Wellbeing business. Although, my time has been stretched with working a full-time career with the State (which I have held for 23 years), I love all the activities I am involved in. Last year I felt a nudge to step back from WWR to focus on my business. I made a few adjustments by stepping away from being Chief Financial Officer, but saw little progress in growing my new crops.
Those of you who regularly choose “One Word” for the year will relate to this. In September, I stepped into my new word “Rise.” I felt excited about the future and what it may hold for me. Ironically, as I was preparing the WWR Retreat in March by reading Brené Brown’s “Gifts of Imperfection” it occurred to me that I was not being BRAVE and/or willing to OWN and life my story. I realized I was actually afraid to step away from WWR further even though an inner voice was consistently nudging me to do just that. It was calling me to reprioritize my time and to create space to allow my new crops to grow.
As I read, this time as the voice spoke, I felt peace with this decision, just as it is time for a baby bird to take flight, I was ready to step into my BRAVING and anticipate my “Rise”! I feel “called” to make these changes for “space” and saying “yes” to what this may bring. Although I am not sure what this is yet. I just know that it is time to plant, prune, and let my new crops grow and step into my “Rise”!
It has been the absolute pleasure and blessing working as a founding coach with Wholistic Woman Retreats (WWR) for the past 7 years. The growth and inspiration I have received has been immeasurable. I am forever changed by being immersed in such a warm, encouraging, compassionate community created by the amazing coaches. This has been a “thriving” blessing in my life as well as, pure joy to frequently connect with so many like-minded women, seeing them grow and transform into who they are meant to be as they share their amazing gifts so fearlessly with the world.
Therefore, for now I will not be actively involved in WWR. I don’t know if this is forever or just for a time. I am blessed to receive the loving support of the remaining founding coaches and be offered an open door anytime I want to reconnect. This is such an amazing example of what is available for each person connecting with WWR.
What is your inner voice calling you to do with your time?
I would encourage you to connect with WWR and find your path to BRAVING!
Thank you always for your compassion and authentic connection while understanding my need to be BRAVE and Rise!
Sincerely yours,
Sandie
Today’s Author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
by Carol deLaski | Jan 11, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Change, Personal Development, Professional Development
This quote (by one of my favorite authors) reminds us to fully embrace our ‘You-ness’ and be unique.
How will you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person in 2017?
I find that using a theme word for the year is a helpful way to guide my growth as a unique person. I highly recommend it if you are seeking a new perspective about your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe (or whatever you call that which is bigger than us) intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking any ole’ good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process works like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these powerful questions:
What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
What’s in my way? What’s blocking me?
What needs to go? Or, what do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expect. In fact, your mind may reject the word provided, but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it. Even if the word doesn’t make sense initially, try to remain open and curious to see what insights await you.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by applying it to everyday highs and lows.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that work best for me, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was a bit odd and uninspiring. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive and/or divine messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
In 2016 my word has been ASK. I’m a recovering independent woman who is learning the value of being interdependent. I have a tendency to ‘just do it myself.’ It’s hard for me to ask for what I need. My word has reminded me to practice asking a lot this year. I’ve learned important lessons not only about asking but also about waiting patiently and receiving.
After spending an entire year with each of my words I find that they become a part of me. The habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction continues long after the year is over. Each word has helped me grow wiser and more self-aware.
As 2017 begins, I’m going through the process to discover a new theme word and I invite you to join me.
You can learn more about the One Word Process in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a support or stretch team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of my Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 25th from 5:30-7:30 pm when we will kickoff the 2017 Evening Retreat Series. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear inspiring stories of it’s impact on other individuals. If you have a Word for 2017 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about the process.
During the Launch Party you will learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2017. We hope you will join us for all 9 of these evening retreats to learn, grow personally and professionally and to stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team throughout the year. If you can make it to a lot of the evening retreats we suggest that you become a member to receive discounts on every event. Click here to learn more and become a member.
Most importantly, in this community of women-on-the-grow know that you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you! We believe that we are each unique and a wonderful work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Dec 9, 2016 | Laura Hall
The other day I heard a country music song on the radio titled “Kill a Word” by Eric Church. In it he talks about all the words he’d like to get rid of in his life. He lists words like “never”, “regret”, “fear” and “hate”. While I don’t resonate with the word “Kill”, I do resonate with the idea of struggling with a word, and for me that word is “Perfection”. Ugh!!!! Just writing the word triggers me. Why is that!?!
If you know me, you know I sometimes teasingly refer to myself as “a recovering perfectionist”. In my younger years, I actually believed perfection was something that was attainable and I would exhaust myself working toward it. I wanted to be the perfect student, the perfect daughter, the perfect friend, the perfect wife, the perfect mother, the perfect employee, the perfect…the list could go on and on. If I didn’t think I could be perfect, I often wouldn’t try. This was no way to live.
I call myself a “recovering perfectionist” because by the time I was entering my late 30’s/early 40’s it dawned on me that either perfection was a myth or I needed to redefine it, because my definition at that time was definitely not working. So I started questioning everything that had to do with my definition of perfection. My daily mantra became “good enough is good enough” and the impact that adopting this had on my life was amazing! Now, I imagine that some of you are cringing at this mantra because to you it may sound like a slackers way of thinking, but to me, it was a life saver. It gave me permission to move the bar down to a level that was within my reach, one that I could achieve versus one that just made me feel bad about myself because I wasn’t measuring up. In the words of one of my favorite authors, Dr. Brené Brown, I was learning how to put down my measuring stick so I could operate from a place that felt right for me. In a sense, I had to give myself permission to be imperfect.
In my recovery process I became a better friend because I was having people over even when there were dishes in my sink or my toilet hadn’t been cleaned in two weeks. I became a better mother because I could really listen to my kids when they were struggling instead of blaming myself and thinking I was the source of their struggle. I became a better wife because I was willing to try things I knew I wasn’t going to be perfect at (think windsurfing and golf here) but that I knew were going to lead to quality time with my husband. But, most importantly I became a better me because I stopped letting other people tell me what perfect was supposed to look like and started redefining perfect based on what resonated with my soul, and as it turns out, perfect for me is all about connecting with others.
But what I’ve recognized to be true for me over time is that when I forget to remember (yes, I just said forget to remember!) that good enough really can be good enough, my old perfectionist tendencies tend to creep back in, sometimes without me even realizing it at first. As a matter of fact this happened to me just two weeks ago. I wonder if you can guess what the triggering event was!?! I am writing this on December 6th. What happened about two weeks ago?
Yep, you guessed it…Thanksgiving!
For the past 10 years, Bill and I have hosted Thanksgiving for our families. This number adds up to 17 people for us. I love Thanksgiving, but there is something about the expectations I set up for myself and wanting it to be “perfect” that often causes me to relapse and it usually has to do with the condition my house will be in on the day of the wonderful event.
I’d like to ask you to take a moment and watch this short video I found when one of my daughters tagged me on Facebook saying it reminded her of me, because it is an over the top version of what I can look and feel like when perfectionism sets in.
Click here to watch video
Can anyone relate?
I know from talking to other women that I am not alone in this. The holidays are often a time where we want things to be perfect. But, what is perfect? Is it a perfect holiday if my house is spotless, but my family is frazzled and irritated at me because I went into setting the bar too high mode? This year I so appreciated it when one of my daughters lovingly said to me, “Mom, no one is going to care if our grout is perfectly clean or not. Thanksgiving is about us being together. We are not planning on eating off the floor.” She was so right and that was all I needed to remember to focus on connection.
And the beauty of this time of year is that in a little over 2 weeks I’ll be hosting Christmas Eve festivities at my home. It’s like I get a do-over! And, this time, I am committed to remembering to remember that it’s not about perfect by Martha Stewart’s standards but rather it is about the love and belonging that happen when I get together with my family and close friends. I am still learning how to redefine perfect.
If you too would like to redefine perfect, then I invite you to join me and the other Wholistic Woman Retreats coaches in March at the Wholehearted Living Retreat which is based on the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Dr. Brené Brown. Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Dec 5, 2016 | Carol deLaski
Have you ever heard it said that our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses?
What does that really mean? Well, to me, it means that we don’t necessarily know how to use our natural talents effectively. Without sufficient boundaries around our talents, we can easily face problematic situations simply because we’re overdoing something. Too much of a good thing can end up being be a bad thing.
In my work as a strengths coach I enjoy helping people identify and manage their natural talents. We begin by learning what the individual’s strengths are and then explore how to effectively use those strengths to consistently produce the desired results at work, and in life overall.
I’ll give you an example from my own life.
My top five strengths (according to Gallup’s Strengths Finder assessment) are Empathy, Strategic, Positivity, Developer, and Woo (which stands for winning others over). Every day I have the opportunity to use these strengths in various combinations to create excellence in my work and life.
I like to imagine five sauce pans on a stovetop (one for each of my strengths). I create just the right mixture every day to generate positive results. Depending on the situation, I may choose to turn down the heat on one strength and move it to the back burner to let it simmer, while dialing up the heat on another strength and move it to the front burner. I choose how much of each strength I am using in any given situation.
When my strengths mixture serves me well my Empathy creates intuitive emotional connections with others; my Strategic thinking helps me problem solve challenges with them; my Positivity brings enthusiasm and energy to our conversations; my Developer sees their full potential and ways to help them grow into more of who they want to be; and my Woo will go to great lengths to make connections with them. When all five of my strengths are operating optimally I could work for hours and still feel energized, motivated, and deeply fulfilled. Time flies when I’m functioning at my best.
My strengths don’t always serve me well, however. In my opinion, each strength has a light and a dark side. When my strengths are operating on the light side they are like a well-oiled machine, firing on all cylinders, and bringing about the successes I desire. When the dark sides of my strengths appear, problems can arise; I usually feel overwhelmed or I see that I am overwhelming others. In those moments, my strengths are simply too much.
What exactly is the dark side of a strength? The answer to this varies dependent upon the individual and the particular strength. I define the dark side as moments when a strength isn’t producing the desired outcome; when the strength becomes unmanageable for you or for the person with whom you are interacting.
For example, here is what I’ve learned about the dark sides of my five strengths. I drift into the shadowy side of Empathy when I get lost in other people’s feelings. I feel confused about the best boundaries between my own emotions and those of someone else.
I experience the dark side of my Strategic thinking when I get ahead of others. At times, I see what’s possible before others do and can be impatient while waiting for them to accept my ideas.
Can there be a dark side to Positivity? Yes, there can. I have learned that if I don’t acknowledge the negative feelings and experiences of others, Positivity can seem false or forced. I need to balance it with genuine understanding of life challenges.
Developer, too, doesn’t appear to have a dark side at first but I have found that it does over time. This strength is having the ability to see the potential in others and to help them grow. I use it when I teach and when I coach clients. The dark side of it occurs when I try to develop someone who isn’t interested or ready to grow and change. That can lead to frustration and pain on both sides.
And what could be the dark side of WOO (winning others over)? For me, it has to do with people pleasing. I need to ask myself what am I willing to do to win someone over? Will I compromise too much – give too much away – in my effort to develop, empathize and woo them? Will I try to please them so much that I lose myself?
This gives you a glimpse into my understanding of the light and dark sides of my five strengths. If you were to ask someone else with these particular strengths about the benefits and challenges of them they might provide different explanations because we are each unique. Our self-awareness is made up of many components in addition to our strengths, including such things as our birth order, family of origin, education, values, life experiences and more.
One of the keys to being your best, though, is to know yourself well and manage your strengths effectively. Life is a wonderful laboratory where we get to experiment every day with new combinations of our strengths. With trial and error, we learn what combinations may work best with certain people or in certain situations. One solution does not fit all. New strengths mixtures will be needed every day. Get creative and see what strengths you can mix today to benefit your colleagues, family and friends. This is a lifelong journey where you can continually manage and refine your abilities to create the success you desire.
You may ask, does all this talk of strengths mean that I have to always be strong?
No, it does not. Being self-aware about your strengths means that you have the opportunity to manage them. You can enjoy validation when interactions are going well and subsequently you have options to work with when things aren’t going well. As mentioned above, one option is to catch yourself as you start to drift into the shadows of your strengths and initiate a course correction.
Knowing the areas of your lesser talents (which many call weaknesses) is important too. It allows you to find complementary partners – people who excel in those areas where you do not – to work and live alongside you. You don’t have to excel at everything. It’s enough to develop your natural talents to excellence and then collaborate with people who also strive to be their best to create complementary and winning partnerships. We are designed to live and work together; not to be alone.
My favorite book says that when we are weak we are strong. When I face my own weaknesses I become motivated to seek assistance from others who have the strength I need. Sometimes that is a person in my personal or professional circles; other times it is a complete stranger; and at other times it’s my faith in God that provides the strength I need. It is freeing to realize that I have a network of support around me. I am an imperfect work-in-progress, trying to be my best on a daily basis, sometimes succeeding and sometimes falling short, but always learning and growing into more of who I am uniquely designed to be. And that’s enough.
Today’s Author: Carol deLaski, executive coach, author, and founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats. If you would like to learn more about learning and managing your strengths, please email her at [email protected] to schedule a free consultation.
