by Carol deLaski | Apr 14, 2017 | Laura Hall
“We teach best what we most need to learn.” ~ Richard Bach, Illusions:The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
I am getting ready to facilitate a workshop on boundaries at the end of this month for Wholistic Woman Retreats. I became interested in leading this topic after 2016’s overnight retreat, which was based on the book “Rising Strong” by Dr. Brené Brown. During that retreat we did a very small segment on boundaries, and afterward one of our participants asked me if I’d consider expanding that topic. That was when the idea for ‘Be Clear’, my mini-retreat on boundaries, was born.
What the research shows is that boundaries and compassion go hand in hand. People who have clear boundaries ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. Their clear boundaries keep them out of resentment and as a result they tend to be more compassionate people. I believe the world could use more compassion and less resentment and if having clearer boundaries is the way then I’m all in!
Recently, I was talking to a close friend who is recovering from a major surgery. She started telling me a story about how the pastor of her church came to visit her and stayed for the entire afternoon…much longer than my friend would have liked. While she enjoyed the visit, the duration was too long and left her completely exhausted. When I asked my friend why she didn’t feel comfortable asking her pastor to leave so she could take a nap, her response was, “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”.
I don’t know about you, but I can definitely relate to my friends experience. I too have found myself in similar situations where I didn’t feel comfortable asking for what I needed or setting a clear boundary. Why is this?!?
Is it because, like my friend, we don’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable?
Is it because we were never taught or never got to practice how to define limits?
Is it because we don’t want to be perceived a certain way…rude, rigid, selfish, etc?
If you too aren’t as clear on your boundaries as you’d like to be, what do you think contributes to your struggle?
During ‘Be Clear’ we will be defining healthy boundaries as well as looking at the things that get in the way to our setting them. You will be asked to think of an area in your life where having clearer boundaries would be helpful and you will walk away with at least one action step that you can put implement in that area.
Setting healthy boundaries and attaching appropriate consequences takes practice. If you’d like to be clearer in your life, then please consider this your personal invitation to join me and the Wholistic Woman Retreats community on April 26. You can click here for more details.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Apr 3, 2017 | Guest Blogging
As the first scholarship recipient for Wholistic Woman Retreats, I want to say thank you. I could never repay the many blessings that I received from this experience.
I’d like to share my thoughts about the retreat using an acrostic of the word WHOLE because that’s exactly how I felt when I left; not lacking anything.
Warmth– The warmth of each of the women was incredible. I walked into the retreat knowing no one, but left with friends with whom I hold a special bond that only a retreat like this could give me.
Healing– The topics covered at this retreat while deep, were handled with love and care and with every intention to heal and that’s exactly what they did.
Overflowing– Whether it was with joy, stress relief (from amazing accommodations and amenities like seated massages), knowledge, or love, I left the retreat feeling full to the brim and ready to share that fullness with other ladies that I believe could use an experience like this.
Laughter– These women were willing to throw caution to the wind in order to drive home the principles, and key points, of the retreat. Also, taking time to dance and let go a bit had us all smiling and laughing!
Encouragement– Not only was I encouraged to be myself, but I was reminded that I am enough. And who doesn’t want to feel that she is enough?
To the coaches at Wholistic Woman Retreats, all of their affiliates, and especially to Legacy Financial Associates thank you for the trip of a lifetime and for so many memories that I plan to build on for many years to come!
Today’s Author: Caryn Dayhoff is a personal trainer and creator of CREW which stands for Creatively Renewing Every Woman. Visit her website, www.ccdfitness.com or contact her at [email protected] for more information.
by Carol deLaski | Mar 8, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging
I began playing volleyball at the age of 13 and quickly became one of the top players and team captain through middle and high school. Playing sports enhanced my innate competitive drive and I began to view winning as the only option, both on and off the court. My hatred of losing made every game an emotional roller coaster. If we did lose, I was distraught for the remainder of the day and often into the next. My identity became tied to my ability to perform and it didn’t take very long before this distorted thinking spilled over into all the other areas of my life. I pressured myself to get the best grades, be the best daughter, the best Christian, the best liked. When I met my own expectations, all was right in the world. However, failure to attain perfection led to self criticism and feelings of unworthiness. I now realize that my understanding of love and worth was connected to my performance and I felt loved when I was doing things ‘right’. When I was achieving or performing well, I thought I was more valuable and loved than when I made mistakes. I did not understand unconditional love. To me, love was very much conditional and contingent on my ability to perform.
This desire to be the best often led me into the comparison trap that drove the vicious cycle of evaluating myself against others, feeling as though I didn’t measure up, and then criticizing myself. I couldn’t be happy for someone else who was doing well because in my mind that meant I wasn’t. So, this judgment based on my interpretation of how my performance measured up to theirs often left me feeling miserable and unworthy. I was operating with a ‘scarcity mentality’ that thought life was made up of one pie and I was getting less of it if someone else got a big piece (for more on this, you can read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I didn’t understand that there was more than enough to go around and that one person’s success did not prohibit mine. Even more importantly, someone else’s achievements did not impact my value or worthiness.
There are many reasons we can fall into the comparison trap. Insecurity in our abilities can drive us to desire someone else’s traits. Looking at a friend’s Facebook page and judging our day to day circumstances against their ‘highlight reel’ can cause us to feel frustrated or dissatisfied with our life. I know from personal experience that when I have struggled with changing a bad habit and see someone successfully conquer it, I have gotten trapped in the cycle of comparison and self-criticism. Thoughts such as, “I’m not good enough”, or “I’ll never measure up”, or “I must be weak because I can’t do it as well” would start to creep in and derail my progress.
A paradigm shift happens when we begin to operate out of a place of security and a true sense of self-worth. When we recognize the gifts we’ve been given and embrace our strengths to fulfill our purpose, we can take the focus off what others have and put the energy into using what we have. There was a man in the Bible named Paul who wrote about this idea. He said, “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that… Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” We each have skills, traits, and hobbies that can be used and enjoyed for a fulfilling life. There is a wonderful joy that occurs when we embrace and grow our unique gifts. This same joy also genuinely celebrates in the abundance of others.
I invite you to join me at this month’s evening retreat, Be Free, on March 29th where we will dive more deeply into the topic of comparison. We will discuss the why’s and how’s of the comparison trap and learn strategies to break free from its damaging cycle. The result will be a celebration of the true, Wholistic, beauty in each one of us.
Today’s Author: WWR Partner Coach, Liz Reihm works with women of all ages to help them create healthy lives through mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. She helps women discover their potential with both personal training as well as coaching.
For more information about Liz, you can visit her website: www.coaching4her.com; email her at [email protected]; or call (240) 397-6437 with any specific questions.
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 26, 2017 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Personal Development, Professional Development
It’s so nice to score 100%, and is a great target to aim for. When growing up, we focused on good grades. In relationships, we want to give 100%, and in business we want to be profitable so we can live a full and rich life. We want success and success means different things to different people. In my life and business, I use the acronym SCORE to reach higher levels and aim for 100%, which stands for:
S – Smile, C – Care, O – Offer more, R – Reliability, E – Empowerment
S – SMILE – When we smile we feel good and it lifts our mood. It is an immediate way to connect with others in a positive way. It’s a gesture that can take you to a new level. Smiling is a booster for everyone—it’s contagious and a good thing to catch. It’s been said that a frown actually uses more muscles than a smile. When do you smile the most? What are the benefits of smiling in your workplace?
C – CARE – My business is to serve others, and to do it in a caring, hospitable way. It feels good to take care of people’s needs. Of course, this rolls over into my personal life, which feels natural. To really care and have a heart-centered approach will strengthen all relationships. It’s been said in the business world that heart-centered leadership is about a deeper kind of power, a spiritual power. “It’s not about how the job gets done, it’s how the leader can best serve his or her associates,” said Susan Steinbrecher, author of Heart-Centered Leadership, An Invitation to Lead from the Inside Out.
O – OFFER MORE – I believe there are always opportunities to do more. I have Maximizer as a strength and this talent shows up for me here. I like to offer more to make sure there is comfort all around. In business, I usually say “What else can I do to make you more comfortable?” or “Can I offer something else?” Recently I found myself saying to one of my oldest friends and her daughter flying in, “What comforts can I provide while you are here for your stay?” She was delighted and it was small, just pretzels. Maximizer and offering more is taking the event from good to great or great to excellent or excellent to outstanding—well, more often than not, poor to good. There are many solutions all around us and stretching ourselves to offer more personally and professionally helps us win and achieve more.
R – RELIABILITY – Every minute counts is a motto used with my team when we are meeting travelers in the airport that are between flights. Reliability and showing up on time or being dependable are very important ways to build trust. Sometimes one minute can mean the difference in someone missing their plane, a phone call, or the school bus. One minute can impact your whole day.
E – EMPOWERMENT – Feeling in control and in charge of your life or work is an important charge. I think about Dr. Brené Brown’s work from her book Daring Greatly when she says living BIG is about setting boundaries, integrity, and having generous assumptions. When you pause and realize that you, only you, can control your destiny and be empowered to do what’s right and live with integrity, it’s very empowering. In business, my team knows that they are empowered to do the right thing. At the end of the day, feeling free of problems and looking at situations as opportunities to serve others starts with you.
Come join us at our next retreat called Wholehearted Living based on the Gifts of Imperfection, by Dr. Brené Brown. Maybe it’s time to let go of being 100%. SCORE yourself a weekend to smile more, focus on self-care, offer more to yourself, make a reliable choice to honor your time, and be empowered to be YOU!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 20, 2017 | Laura Hall, Retreats
It’s Saturday morning. I am the only one awake in my house and I’m so grateful to have this quiet time to sit down and get the thoughts swirling around in my head down on paper.
I am a big believer in journaling. I started this practice about eight years ago when I was experiencing some anxiety issues. Even though I’m a reluctant writer, I found it extremely liberating to take the time to get the inner rumblings of my mind and soul out where I could look at them with self-compassion and a level of objectivity. It saved me and if you haven’t tried journaling, I highly recommend it, especially during times when life feels overwhelming.
I’ve had an overwhelming week! At home, we are about two weeks away from putting our house on the market and the to-do list feels endless. At work (if you didn’t already know this about me, about a year ago I began working at my husband’s office as his dental assistant), our office manager is out on a two-week vacation and juggling both her responsibilities as well as my own has left me feeling frazzled! And the Wholistic Woman Retreats is busy creating the programming for our upcoming retreat and there is a lot to do when you put on an event like this. The cumulative effect of everything that is going on in my life right now has left me feeling overwhelmed at times.
Yesterday, I had a planning meeting with the two other founding coaches of Wholistic Woman Retreats to work on our Wholehearted Living Retreat. On the way to the meeting, my mind was telling me how unprepared I was for the meeting and how I wasn’t carrying my weight. But because I am a coach and I practice what I teach, I started questioning these thoughts and worked on practicing self-compassion and talking to myself like I would talk to my best friend instead.
As we gathered, we did a check in with one another based on the question, ‘Where are you right now in mind, body, and heart?’. As I was checking in, the tears just started flowing. The emotional stress of the last week came spilling out and I realized that the reason I was crying was because I felt safe and loved and comfortable enough to be completely vulnerable with my two friends.
If you know Kelye and Carol, then you can probably guess how they responded to my tears…they wrapped me in a group hug, told me I was enough, and offered me grace and love. It was in that moment that I realized what quality friends they were. There was no judgement, no “What were you thinking, listing your home so close to our retreat?” and no trying to fix it for me. There was just compassion, warmth, and love.
Today I am counting my blessings! I am surrounded by wonderful, supportive, nurturing friends who accept me where I am at any given moment. I have quality friends!
Quality friends can sometimes feel hard to come by, but not here at Wholistic Woman Retreats. We are growing a community of quality women through our monthly and special retreats. If you could use some more quality friends in your life, then please join us at our February event, which we are calling “Be Connected”. It is your opportunity to really get to know some quality women in a fun, creative kind of way. We’ve designed it to be similar to a speed dating kind of event, so over the course of the evening you will get to meet and get to know better a variety of women. One of them may just turn out to be one of your quality friends!
For more information on this event, click here. Hope to see you there!
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website: HallCoaching.com
