by Carol deLaski | May 19, 2017 | Change, Guest Blogging, Personal Development
Have you ever noticed how challenging it can be to speak up and say the hard thing?
I’ve learned a lot about that recently in surprising ways. I’ve been part of the Wholistic Woman Retreat (WWR) community since the beginning and recently became an Alliance Partner in January.
Over the years, I have learned about Energy Leadership, Strengths Finders, self-care and have attended multiple WWR overnight retreats studying Brené Brown’s work. Suffice it to say that I have a recipe box chock-full of ingredients to make a great life!
Like many women in mid-life, I’ve been dealing with a lot of change. Last year, while mourning the loss of my father, I turned 50, changed jobs twice in a line of work that I had never liked, started transforming my jewelry-making hobby into a legitimate business…all while taking care of an aging pet who has separation anxiety. Talk about a recipe for emotional meltdown!
When I left my last career, I took a few months to just chill and see what I was going to do with the rest of my life. During that time, I reached out to a friend who had coached me in the past and asked about getting more involved with Wholistic Woman Retreats. I had time on my hands and I needed to feel part of something bigger and better than myself. It worked out, in a very surreal way, that my skill set was just what WWR needed at that time. I was so happy to be accepted and become a partner to this thriving organization whose mission is to help women be their best.
The timing of my becoming a WWR Alliance Partner was a little wonky because it was mid-late January and the team was in full planning mode for the annual overnight retreat in March. No matter, I was willing and able to dive in and do whatever I needed to do to help make this retreat a great success.
Oh, one thing I forgot to mention is that I am a recovering perfectionist with trust issues. I don’t like to disappoint and hate to make mistakes because my experience with former work, family and friends was…let’s just say, not pleasant.
Time flew by and the week of the retreat came up in what felt like five minutes. My over-achiever kicked in and with my new responsibilities, I started to feel anxious that I wasn’t performing up to what I thought was expected of me. I was still trying to figure out my place in the group, learn and create new processes and procedures, and understand how to communicate with the other members. I wanted to serve in the best, and most genuine, way but I felt a little lost.
I showed up at the retreat site ready to work and to make everyone happy. I jumped in and helped whomever needed me and did whatever needed to be done. My perfectionist side showed up with me and as I went along, there were little things that I judged myself as not doing right. I also thought that others judged me as not being enough. With that thinking I quickly began a downward spiral – feeling defeated and inadequate.
When I got home from the retreat, I was physically and emotionally spent. I sat and thought about everything and re-read the programs to ponder what had happened. I seriously contemplated the feelings that I had and how I was going to act upon them. I waited until we had a follow-up call with the retreat team to hear their perceptions. Once I learned what the coaches were feeling and how they had to shift between roles at the retreat, I began to understand how that led me to feel lost and left to fend for myself. Despite that insight, I still felt guilty that I didn’t figure it out on my own and that I had somehow let the team down. Have I ever told you that I’d like to add mind-reader to my list of super powers?
Fortunately, I decided to immerse myself in the strategies that were taught during the retreat. I experienced valuable interactions, and identified action steps, during the retreat that I knew would be key in processing the challenges that I now faced. I wanted to address my feelings and frustrations in an appropriate, graceful, and authentic way. I also knew that to open myself up in this way would be very uncomfortable. I was scared and really just wanted to quit and walk away. That’s how I typically would have reacted in the past when faced with hard conversations. For me, walking away is a defense mechanism to avoid my emotional pain.
But this time I didn’t walk away. I voiced my concerns to Carol, the Founder/CEO of WWR, and was ready for what I thought would be a very negative and sad outcome. I was used to having a sweet and easy relationship with Carol and I thought it would surely end here. I had made mistakes, showed that I wasn’t perfect, and assumed that I was probably a huge disappointment to them all.
Instead, I was given even more grace than I expected, showered with love and concern, and was shaken to my core in a really good way. It was one of the healthiest, positive, and constructive conversations I have ever had with anyone. It was probably one of the few times in my life that I was able to be authentic, yet not feel bad or worried during and after the conversation. I felt that I was honored for who I was and what I wanted to accomplish.
It was a wonderful outcome to a hard conversation…and it doesn’t end there.
After experiencing such a positive result from that hard conversation I felt pretty good about myself (thank you very much) and decided I had one more in me that had been hanging around for over 30 years……
I explained to Andrew, the love of my life, that I wanted to get married.
He said yes.
So we were married on May 5th.
End of this story but the beginning of many more…
Today’s Author: Terry Drankiewicz is a long time member and new alliance partner of WWR. As she considers what her next career will be, Terry recently started a new business, RAW Designs LLC, designing and creating jewelry and small art pieces from repurposed and unique items. She lives in Keedysville with her husband Andrew, and her dog, Boo Boo Kitty. You can see her jewelry and art creations on Facebook at @rawdesignsllc and can reach her at 301-730-1186 or [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | May 12, 2017 | Laura Hall
Did you catch us in the Frederick News-Post earlier this week? Coach Laura was interviewed at our Be Clear event at the end of April and the article came out on May 8! In it, she and some of our fabulous event participants talk about setting healthy boundaries in their personal and professional lives. If you missed it in print, you can still read it online: https://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.fredericknewspost.com/news/health/healthy-boundaries-seminar-discusses-why-we-don-t-say-no/article_4fdf7333-9de1-5bf8-a17f-41516a3b9fa5.html
Thank you to Allison, Donna, and Becky for giving interviews, and great job Coach Laura!
by Carol deLaski | May 5, 2017 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Self-Care
I am turning fifty in May. What’s the big deal? So are dozens of my close friends, thank god. Well, it is a big deal for us. We ponder what this next decade and life are going to look like for us.
My spring tour includes the following 10 destinations for sure:
Daytona, Boston, Newport RI, Sedona, Santé Fe, Chicago, Houston, Texas Hill Country, Jamaica, and San Diego
What are your favorite places to travel?
Most of you that are close to me know I travel for business and my business is in airports, namely Dallas Fort Worth Airport. But the cities on my Frolicking Fifty list have very little to do with business travel. In fact, only two cities have business conferences that will turn into days of frolicking.
Joanne, Lileigh, Sabrina, Steve, David and Kelye in Daytona Beach
In April, I visited Daytona Beach, Florida to celebrate one of my oldest best friends turning 50, Joanne. We go back to the 4th grade, so we have known each other for 40 years! Growing up, her family invited me on many trips, like Daytona (where we just were), and Arizona where I fell in love with Sedona. When I reflect on those four decades together, we were in and out of each other’s lives because we only went to elementary school together for two years. We were in different middle schools, high schools, and colleges. But we were each other’s maid of honor and I am the godparent of her daughter, Lileigh. We also consider her youngest daughter, Sabrina, as my godchild. Joanne and I think that in some cosmic way, she is a part of me, not just in looks but personality too. Our life is such an amazing love story.
What’s your favorite old friend love story?
Godchild Stephanie
In early May, I head to Boston and Newport, RI with my niece/godchild, Brittany, my sister-in-law, Robin and oldest friend Susie. I love that my niece wants to spend time with her aunt/godmother. We are going to an Orioles/Red Sox game at Fenway ballpark. We will surely be “hitting” some fun pubs and making more travel memories together. After Boston with family, Susie (kindergarten and up) is picking me up and we are heading to Newport to celebrate both of our fiftieth birthdays. When we were growing up, Susie and her family adopted me as well on family trips, mostly camping. My husband Steve and I are the godparents to Susie’s daughter, Stephanie.
In the middle of May will be plenty of local celebrating with family and friends nearby. Carol, founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats, is putting together a fun patio party downtown Frederick – celebrating is a key component of our community and we do it so well!
At the end of May, I head to Sedona and Santé Fe, where I will be turning and celebrating my 50th birthday with my husband, Joanne, and family. Steve is taking me to my favorite destination, Sedona, for a few days where I always get and feel centered. It’s the vortexes, I am telling you, and maybe a spa treatment! Then we drive to Santé Fe for Lileigh’s graduation and may head to Colorado for Memorial Day weekend. Sabrina and I will celebrate our birthdays together, as she is turning 16 the day after me, my mini-me cosmic daughter. Who knows, some frolicking might even include a hot air balloon ride. We are still mapping out our adventure for the big milestone weekend.
Debbie Hill frolicking in Texas Hill Country
What are your favorite adventures?
The frolicking tour continues as we head to Chicago in early June. This time it’s a U2 concert, on my bucket list for sure by age fifty, and I will be FIFTY! Joanne bought me tickets for my birthday, so we are meeting up for more play time. Later in June and July, I head to Houston for an airport conference and then off to Texas Hill Country. Red wine will certainly be involved. Texas Hill Country wine region is making a pretty big statement. Of course, everything in Texas is big! It’s not just the wine, it’s the rolling hills – combine that with Debbie Hill and you are packed with fun.
What’s on your life bucket list?
The finale of my frolicking days for the sake of my fiftieth celebration will be in Jamaica and San Diego with my best college girlfriends and more time with my best girl Jenny! All my college roommates, including Natalie, Christy and Erin and close sorority sisters like Barb and Jenn will be in Jamaica. It doesn’t get better than that, yeah man! California dreaming will be the last stop with a hospitality conference in San Diego and off to finish with best friends Jenn and Todd in Orange County California, where they live. We are entertaining enough for each other, so anything else that happens will just be extra in our world. We are such a compatible travel team, as we have been to Jamaica, Mexico, Italy, Austria, and Germany, to name a few places. It just makes sense to wrap up this fiftieth celebration with our peas in a pod.
Who are your peas in a pod?
Celebrating with my godchildren, oldest friends, college friends, family, and husband is such a blessing – I truly value growing from my roots. I have heard the fifties are the best and I already see that frolicking into my fifties will be the BEST of friends, family, beaches, ballgames, milestone celebrations, red rocks, red wine, rolling hills, spas, concerts, and best of all, travel – my take away in life is TRAVEL OFTEN! We are always traveling and on a path – fifty feels a little like a fork in the road. What I know is, traveling is better when frolicking with family and friends, no matter what age you are. I thank everyone that makes this a happy, lifelong adventure, including my mom, who I know is always with me for the ride.
What do you look forward to celebrating in your life?
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 28, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Retreats
What does it feel like when your life is in balance?
Does it energize you, leave you feeling relaxed, or is there some other quality that best describes it for you?
More importantly, how do you know when you’ve achieved that elusive equilibrium that we refer to as balance?
I’ve noticed that balance often looks, and feels, different for each of us. What’s great for me may be overwhelming for another. What’s optimal for you may be boring to someone else. What makes us feel balanced is unique to each of us. Only you know what components are necessary for your well-being.
Some of the needed ingredients could be time outdoors, quality time with loved ones, solitude, or time for spiritual renewal. Others may need time with a support group, exercise, good nutrition, music, creative expression…this list could go on and on. Knowing what makes up your personal access code for balance will enable you to achieve it more often.
Our bodies can provide abundant information about how we’re doing by sending us warning signals when we’re out of balance, as well as calming reassurance when we are in a healthy zone.
Many of us experience negative physical symptoms when we are on overload: backaches, headaches, digestive troubles, and sleeplessness are examples of red flags that warn us when we are not taking good care of ourselves. These indicators of stress are signals to slow down, rest, practice self-care, and restore well-being to our lives.
Our bodies also send signals when we are in a positive state of balance. When I’m experiencing a high sense of well-being I notice that I often smile to myself as I go about my daily activities. I appreciate my surroundings and the people I encounter more. I release the striving that often appears when I’m out of balance and gratefully receive what each day brings.
When we begin to pay more attention to our well-being we notice what it feels like to be in, or out, of balance. We learn our own personal warning signals that can indicate when we are getting off track. This is helpful on a daily and weekly basis, but also on a larger scale as well.
As I look back on the past year, I can see that I have had a series of activities that have thrown my balance off kilter. The love of my life moved in with me one year ago and we became engaged on Christmas Eve. That would have been a big adjustment in and of itself, but layered on top of that were a number of family support roles that I chose to take on.
I overextended myself and my physical, emotional, and mental health was impacted by doing too much. An upswing in my business coincided with these changes and even though almost everything was good, I still found myself stressed to do it all…and be it all. Eventually, something had to give, and my warning signals of exhaustion, sickness, irritability, and depression got my attention.
I started pulling back, taking much needed downtime, and making conscious choices that would refill my own tank. I leaned on the tools and strategies that we practice in the Wholistic Woman Community. I sought to understand how my strengths had drifted to the dark side and weren’t bringing the results I wanted. I looked at my energy levels and saw that I had dropped into a lot of caregiver (level 4) energy and started working my way back to level 5, win-win energy. I used my One Word for this year, Joy, as a lens to examine how some activities brought me deep happiness and others did not. Regularly applying all of these strategies helped to get me back on track and restored my optimal balance.
I believe that life is a learning process and that I know how to better recognize my overdoing it…simply because I have over-done it…yet again! With practice, I remember how to find my way back when I get off track, using the tools that have proven helpful over and over again. As I wrote about in my book, Lost and Found…life can be a series of experiences where I lose my way…and find my way again. I’m encouraged to see that I continue to discover, learn, and evolve through the experiences of each year.
The key to finding my way is asking what I need more of, and what I need less of, in order to achieve the balance that is right for me. I ask myself what I need on a daily (and sometimes hourly) basis to make healthy choices. It’s not a perfect system. Some days I can’t get what I need, but with self-awareness I can make sure that I get it in the next day or two in order to maintain a weekly, monthly, and yearly sense of balance.
In the Wholistic Woman community we focus on developing our body, heart, mind, and spirit in the life-long process of integrating all parts to become whole. At the May Evening Retreat, Be Balanced, I will lead women through a short self-assessment to identify how satisfied they are with their well-being in these four areas of heart, mind, body, spirit.
We will discuss strategies and tools to improve our satisfaction in each area. Women will leave with actionable steps to lead a more balanced life. I invite you to join us for this interactive and lively discussion to find your optimal balance. Click here to learn more and register for the Be Balanced Evening Retreat.
Today’s Author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an executive coach, founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats, and author of Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. Learn more about her coaching and training services at www.caroldelaski.com or email her at: [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Apr 21, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging, Jane Helm
Confidence is a work in practice—after all, practice makes perfect, right? As a new entrepreneur I am working on my confidence every day. Having taken the leap into a world of self-reliance and exercising my new muscles of courage, I find myself building confidence in the same way I have done during earlier challenges I have faced.
One pivotal lesson I learned in building confidence was when I started taking ballet. By all standards, I had started late in life. I was twelve. Most of the girls in my class had started much younger, some at three years old. I had taken modern dance, where dancers are allowed to not have their shoulders pushed down, and toes didn’t have to be perfectly pointed. Where I could lift my leg as high as I wanted AND lift my hip too! I found myself in a world where total body control was expected, and realized quickly that this expectation of precision and conformity would be a daunting undertaking. In the mirrors, I watched my peers move with their bodies in perfect alignment, with their hands shaped identically in a dainty half-grasp. They held their heads high (and lifted their legs without any hip movement at all!). Those mirrors. I was always looking in those mirrors! Observing others and myself—would I ever measure up? I was amazed and intimidated. The peer pressure in ballet is fierce and when combined with a stern Czech teacher, counting out each step, pointing out every mistake, I was overwhelmed. I wondered if the reflection in the mirror would ever ever provide a glimpse of hope. Would I ever be able to let go of the barre that was steadying me? There were so many times I considered quitting. But I didn’t. I kept practicing and practicing.
Repetition was the teacher. Every class was the same routine—plies, releves, and adages over and over and over. For a long while, I was mediocre, easily identified by my trembling muscles, by the wobbly pirouette and the leaps that made audible sounds upon landing. The practice, practice, practice was the key to learning the skill. Did I mention practice? All the while, through every practice and rehearsal I was learning the intricacies of each move. Holding my head up high as my feet and confidence hesitated.
After years, I was finally chosen for toe shoe class—a goal in dance for sure! I couldn’t wait to put on the light pink shoes with the satin ribbon and be in the group that was elevated to this status—the “badge of confidence” had been bestowed on me!
If you’ve never worn a pair of toe shoes, here is a peek at the experience: THEY HURT!!! These shoes are fitted to your foot without a centimeter to spare. Rising up on the toes created a shockingly stinging, burning pain that sometimes went straight through my spine. Again, I was looking in the mirror. None of my classmates showed any sign of pain as they stoically held their heads up with assurance and grace. I came to realize that all of us had bleeding toes that ached and throbbed. Regardless, we would all rise again on top of the toes that already had oozed with agony, over and over and over again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Push through the pain. Do it again.
Today I feel that same kind of pain—sometimes that sharp, burning pain—and learning to navigate my new business has me looking in the mirror again. Am I measuring up? I’m new in this class of entrepreneurship. I got a late start (again). The muscle that trembles is all mental, and I have wobbled through navigating the dizzying pirouettes in all of the roles I have taken on in the classroom of business, while steadying myself on the barre that I cling to: the calling to share my passion for empowering others and bring hope to the financially challenged universe. To let me be the example in the mirror. To let me count out the steps. To help my clients practice the practice of practicing. To remind them to hold their heads up high, no matter the pain.
Step by step, we build our confidence. I am raising the barre for myself, looking in the mirror, knowing that these early days of entrepreneurship are the dress rehearsal for the years to come. My confidence is on the move, growing with each step I take.
Today’s Author: Jane Helm is the Principal of Money Mentor Group. As a wealth coach, Jane combines decades of financial services experience with a degree in social work and psychology to bring positive financial change to her client’s lives. She is an Affiliate Coach with the Wholistic Woman Retreat group and co-founded the Bring Your Own Business Success networking group. Jane can be reached via email at [email protected]
