by Carol deLaski | Apr 24, 2016 | Happiness, Laura Hall, Retreats
This blog was originally published in 2001 but its words are timeless and timely with our ‘Be Happier’ event scheduled for Wednesday, April 27th. Enjoy and we hope to see you on Wednesday 🙂
“Happiness is not a destination. It is a way of life.”
A couple years ago, I bought a plaque with these words imprinted on it to remind myself and my family that happiness is a choice. When I read this quote it reminds me to look for happiness in the present, in where I am and what I’m doing right now. It reminds me to be cautious about thinking thoughts like, “When I lose 15 pounds, then I’ll be happy”, or “If only I could make more money, then I’ll be happier”. You see, I believe that happiness comes from the inside out, not the other way around. That it is a way of being. It is not dependent on how I look, or what I have. I believe happiness comes from knowing (and reminding myself when I forget) of my inherent self worth and practicing gratitude on a regular basis.
I have to admit that happiness comes relatively easy to me. I’ve always been the type of person to see the glass as half full, not half empty. One of my favorite books in elementary school was “Pollyanna”. My parents helped by raising me to believe that life is happening for me, NOT to me, and this core thought has allowed me to always look for the life lessons – even in the face of struggle or adversity, and then to practice gratitude for the lessons learned.
I know that not everyone is like me and that some of us struggle with finding happiness. What I’d like to suggest is that you stop looking for happiness and start creating it. What I am proposing is a Happiness Experiment. This experiment is being designed for everyone. There is no specific age, gender, socioeconomic status, or minimum current level of happiness necessary to be able to participate. My hypothesis is that by practicing 5 simple steps on a daily basis for one week, your happiness will increase by 20%.
Now I just need some volunteers…This is where you come in! 🙂 The first thing I need you to do is to rate your happiness on a scale of 0 to 10 with 0 representing no happiness and 10 representing complete happiness. Before you read any more, I need you to come up with your happiness rating, and if you are really gutsy, why don’t you post your starting point in the comments for this blog. 😉
OK, now that you have your number, here are the 5 steps, and what you’ll be committing to should you be willing to participate in my happiness experiment with me:
- Define what happiness means to you – On day one of The Happiness Experiment you will be taking the time to write down your own personal definition of happiness. You will be completing the statement, “Happiness is…” When you think of happiness, what words come to mind? Think of the last time you remember being happy, what did that feel like? Are there certain people, or certain types of people who trigger your happiness? What about certain places? What physical sensations do you experience when you are happy? Who are you being when you are happy? Maybe even look at it from the other side, when you are unhappy, what is missing from your experience that is fueling your unhappiness? Once you’ve written your definition, you will need to write it down and put it someplace where you can read at it at least once a day for the remainder of the week.
- Sing out loud – Pick a song, any song, channel your inner diva and use your big girl voice to belt it out! I know for some of you this is going to feel very uncomfortable at first, and that’s OK, but as Nike says, “Just Do It”! The details are not important. You can sing in the shower, in the car to your favorite song, with people watching, or in total privacy. Just sing!
- Dance – This is about moving your body in a fun, life affirming way. I suggest turning the music up, closing your eyes and letting the energy move you. Spinning also seems to work for me, but again, there is no “right” way to do this, so whatever feels right to you is right. Go with it!
(Note #2 and #3 can be combined) As an aside, if you are ever in Mt. Airy, MD and you see a 40 year old woman in a blue Hyundai Sonata belting out Michael Jackson’s “Black or White” while waving her arms in what may look like some sort of seizure, don’t worry! That’s me combining #2 and #3.
- Intentionally smile at someone – Making a point to smile is such a simple thing to do, yet so many of us don’t take the time to do this on a regular basis. Who can you share a smile with? Maybe it’s a stranger you pass while walking down the street. Maybe it’s a coworker you see in the elevator each morning. Maybe it’s your child who is not used to seeing your face light up when they enter the room. Maybe it’s your spouse or significant other as they walk through the door after a long day at work. Maybe it’s you as you see yourself in the mirror brushing your teeth at the end of the day. There really is no excuse for not getting this one done.
- Practice gratitude – When you wake up each morning, I want you to ask yourself, “What am I most grateful for?” and write it down. As the day goes on, continue to look for things to be grateful for. As these new gratitudes arise ask yourself if this new gratitude surpasses the one you started your day off with. If it does, cross out your 1st one and replace it with your new one. Stick with this all day, so that by the time you go to bed, you will have the thing you were most grateful for today at the bottom of your list. Write this one down on a piece of paper by your bed, so that by the end of the week you’ll have a gratitude listed for each day of the experiment.
Are you in? Will you be part of my Happiness Experiment? What have you got to lose? The idea is to complete all 5 steps for 7 days in a row. Give yourself permission to be silly. This is meant to be fun!
At the end of your week with the Happiness Experiment, re-assess what number you give yourself on the happiness scale and let me know how it went. Did your number increase? If so, by how much? What step was the easiest for you? What step did you struggle with? Please share your comments, so I know whether my hypothesis proved to be true or false. I look forward to hearing from you! Laura
Want to join us Wednesday? Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 14, 2015 | Change, Guest Blogging
Have you ever wondered how to be more resilient?
Is resilience something that people are born with or something that develops throughout a lifetime?
Many scientists believe the truth lies someplace in-between. For myself, resilience is something I have had for as long as I can remember, even as a child. I was born into a family that required me to be strong, persevere, and to move forward – if I hadn’t, I would not be where I am today.
When I was 21 years old, my life took an unexpected turn when I lost my beloved brother, John, to suicide. John was the one person I always said I could not live without. The thought of anything happening to him would bring me to tears. He was my best friend. John was the most loving, caring, warm, giving, selfless individual I have known. All he ever wanted was to find and give love – to make everyone else happy. I feel lucky to have had him as a brother, if only for 18 years.
It is hard for me to believe it has been nearly 14 years since I lost John. I thought my life would end with his death, but it didn’t. I am still living and he is still with me and guides me. As I look back over these years I see pain and loss…but I also see healing and hope. I know John is proud of me and although I do not “hear” his voice, I see signs showing me what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Signs that guided me to ultimately use the gifts God gave me as a child to make meaning out of John’s life and to help others.
From the time I was little I loved to write. In fact, I wanted to be a writer or a journalist when I grew up. I majored in Technical Writing as an undergraduate at James Madison University and considered getting my Master’s degree in Journalism. Ironically enough, that path wasn’t meant for me and after many career changes, I found myself as a consultant, specializing in training and development. However, I now see that I was given the gift to write in order to share my story… a story I never thought I would be blessed to share. A story of life, love, loss, and resilience.
After John’s death I looked for resources to help me deal with my grief and found few books that spoke to the sibling perspective of suicide loss. I wanted so desperately to be able to relate to someone, to understand what had happened to John. I knew immediately that I had to write a book to help fill the void and to make meaning out of John’s death. I had the outline for it within a year, but it took me ten years to complete it. I decided to self-publish so I could get my story out there as soon as I was ready. My goal has never been to make money – simply to help others. If even one person is helped by John’s story, then I believe his life was not in vain.
To me, this is resilience. Taking a tragedy, or any less-than-ideal circumstance, and making meaning out of it. Finding a purpose, or embracing a different direction – even when life takes you down a path you do not expect. Fortunately, my resilient nature helped me move forward in the face of adversity, however, there were times when I was faced with hurdles that took me down and challenged me to get back up again.
How can you cultivate your resilience?
- Be flexible. Life rarely goes as planned. The more you can embrace the twists and turns it throws at you, the more resilient you will become.
- Be positive. For almost every tragedy in life, there is something to be learned from it. By keeping a positive attitude, you will increase your propensity toward resilience.
- Be kind and gentle with yourself. It is okay to question your purpose, to doubt yourself, and even to give up for a little while, if that’s what you need to do. In the end, ask yourself this – is something bigger than you calling you to a greater cause? If the answer is yes, you won’t be able to walk away from your desires for long.
There is, and always will be, an irreplaceable emptiness where my brother once was. I think about the life he will not fulfill and selfishly, the life I have that he is no longer a part of. I know many survivors of suicide feel this way. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for the life I have and can live – not only for myself, but also for him. This is what keeps me going – what fuels my resilience.
Today’s author: Magdaline DeSousa is the author of The Forgotten Mourners: Sibling Survivors of Suicide, which is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or through Outskirts Press. She lives and works in the DC Metro area. Magdaline can be reached via email at [email protected] or on her Facebook Page: https://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.facebook.com/theforgottenmourners.
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 6, 2015 | Change, Sandie Lynch
5 Steps to help you find peace, joy and the ability to rejoice in whatever you are going through.
When we feel challenged by a situation, a person, and or a hardship, probably the last thing we think about is rejoicing. But what if we were told that for every difficult situation we moved through we would win money, and that the more difficult the situation the more money we would win; up to a million dollars for each challenge we successfully faced and moved through. How would this change how see challenges? I can imagine that knowing this beforehand may make each new challenge more exciting, and may make it be something we look forward to verses an energy drain.
Now, unless this is a game show, it is unlikely money will be our motivating factor to face our difficulties with excitement, but it is possible to see our biggest challenges as opportunities for positively impacting our lives, and that these challenges could actually lead us to more money, greater happiness, exceptional success, everlasting peace and joy.
Many moons ago, I can remember I was extremely discouraged about a challenging time at work, and a dear friend who was being supportive suggested I consider this – when I find myself stuck or experiencing the same difficulty over and over again or maybe even a “season” of struggle, that it may be that “life” is trying to teach me a lesson. She also suggested that until I learn that lesson, I would continue to experience this difficulty over and over and over, until I finally got it. Therefore, I could continue to repeat the process, stay stuck, and feel frustrated or “look for the lesson” and move on. Ever since this conversation, I have kept this in mind, and looked for the lesson “life”, or as I see it, God was wanting me to learn. As I have practiced being the observer over the past 15 years, it is getting easier to embrace peace and find patience as I “look for the lesson” through difficult and challenging times.
Now I find myself joking with my friends, that it time to look for “learn the lesson” so that I can get the heck out of this mess and move one. The truth is, the biggest lesson I’m learning is, as I “look for the lesson,” I’m having more fun and joy laughing at myself throughout the process. I have to admit, not all situations lend themselves to rejoicing, but when much of it is outside of my control, and I find myself trying to gain control or change something I can’t change, I have to laugh and eventually decide that it is best to sit back, look for the lesson, and enjoy the ride…finally…Rejoice in the process! I have come to a place where I have realized, life is too short to agonize through tough times, and because there will be many, I don’t want to live the majority of my life to feeling drained and stressed.
Here are a few tips and beliefs that have helped me find peace, joy and the ability to rejoice in the process, I pray they help you if you are in difficult place right now.
- Embrace that each difficulty or challenge is allowed into our life for a greater good, something we can’t see but trust that it will show up later, like the money concept above. Trust that “life” or God knows what we need and this difficulty is moving us in the direction we need to go. Often we see this in hindsight, but don’t consider this during the dark or difficult days.
- See discomfort as the alarm that tells us something needs to change or “not so good stuff” will show up later, therefore TURN NOW! Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves and expect way too much or be on the insanity cycle; expecting different results, but doing the same thing. Feeling pain, fear, anxiety, humiliation, are strong emotions that are signals to take notice that there is a lesson to learn! Instead of running or trying to control the situation, see it instead as the alert to avoid greater harm in the future, and embrace a new way.
- Give Yourself Grace and don’t expect more than you do. When feeling inadequate to handle the situation, that’s when we are being pulled to forces outside ourselves to ask for help from others and our higher power or God. Evidence show, reaching out to others lowers our stress hormone cortisol and increases our oxytocin, our love hormone to help us to feel calmer during hard times. We are designed for relationship and this is where the best outcomes show up. Think about it, when we help others, it feels great. Trust there are people just waiting to help! Reach out and feel the love! The burden is always lighter when shared.
- Trust in the process and believe there are no mistakes! We are exactly where we need to be to learn the next life lesson. If you are like I was…a little stubborn, the process may be slower than desired. But believe me, we are being pulled, guided, and motivated toward our greater good. Learning is like a foundation, it has to be built before the beautiful house we want to live in can be built. By accepting each challenge as an opportunity for positive growth, we expand our wisdom in what we are here for and wisely move toward living our best life by living in our designed purpose.
- Rejoice in the process! Look for the lesson, the connection, and or the open door that leads toward your best…otherwise, what is the alternative? May you live with more peace, joy, and rejoice through each difficulty, anticipating the good around the corner!!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
Check out ATP Fitness to “Kick-Start” your 2015. Learn, practice, and embrace the strategies that will build Wholistic Wellbeing for life!
Contact Sandie at [email protected] to find out more!
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 10, 2014 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Retreats
“I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the “woman” ……great lyrics by the Proclaimers. At this time I reflect and celebrate the 10 years and thousands of miles I have walked, with others, to be the woman I am today in business. KRB Customized Training Solutions celebrates 10 years this January 2015 and for the last 5 years has included and created a series of seminars called BYOB or Build Your Own Business success with 500 cumulative participants. The business sessions picked up momentum year after year reaching a five year milestone in 2014. They proved to be a great outlet for small business and entrepreneurs to become educated, motivated and to cultivate their individual success. All it really takes is one step that turns into three to make a better you with more success, both personally and professionally.
My 3 lessons and motto are:
- Educate – share and do what builds your skills and knowledge to develop yourself and others
- Motivate – build a strong team and community to support yourself and others to spark action
- Cultivate – grow, have fun, and let the spirit of positivity shine through to build success
These steps have been the foundation of my business success. It all started with my background in hospitality (both hotel and corporate work) which gave me the skills and knowledge to go out on my own and form KRB Customized Training Solutions, a professional HR, training and coaching company. I’m happy to announce that my new business name will be launched in 2015: KRB Business Solutions, LLC.
Five years into my business I recognized I wanted to reach out to the community and offer mini-seminars like I had on a much larger scale when I worked in the corporate world. Prior to starting my own business I traveled 40 weeks a year, and thousands of miles, delivering workshops and opening hotels in North America. It seemed as easy as one, two, three, to start workshops locally for large and small organizations, and entrepreneurs….. and to call them Build Your Own Business (BYOB) success seminars.
Initially, I conducted all of the training sessions myself. In time, however, I decided to invite area professionals to participate in the BYOB series and offer their expertise…which was a great move! Some of the topics I led were:
- Cutting Edge Communication
- Human Resources
- Mentoring and Accountability
- Creating Memorable Customer Care Moments
- Leadership
- Personal Sales
Jane Helm with Moore Wealth was a large contributor to the success of BYOB, adding topics such as ‘How to Play the Money Game’ and ‘More Money Matters’. Other professionals and topics included Using YouTube for Business Growth by Whitney Hahn of Digital Bard and Vitality Visioning by Jeanette Eleff of Focused Vitality, just to name a few.
It was a win-win…sharing what we know and learning from others at the same time, to really grow. The condensed sessions were designed for participants to unwind with fun networking from 5pm-6pm while discussing 10 business savvy tips. The focus was improving your business, and yourself, taking ownership of your success, and having a happy hour.
Many of the professionals that contributed to the success of BYOB were members of the Wholistic Coaching Coalition, a group of local certified coaches that I co-founded with Carol delaski, Laura Hall, Sandie Lynch, Lisa DiSciullo and Jeanette Eleff in 2010. My motto of Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate contributed to the success of the Wholistic Woman Retreats community.
I’m happy to announce that KRB Customized Training Solution’s BYOB program is growing and changing into a new and better version and will be called Be YOU in 2015. KRB and the Wholistic Coaches, who each have their own businesses, are excited to take new steps to bring you the Be YOU series. We are enhancing the program to include a private room, dinner, book topics facilitated by the coaches, longer sessions and a few past BYOB presenters for 2015.
Thank you for 10 years of learning, growing, and supporting one another. Join us as we continue to take steps to build a better you with this supportive community.
Save the date for the launch of the Be You series on Tuesday, January 27th 2015 – 5:30pm-7pm at Jo Jo’s Restaurant, 16 E. Patrick St. Frederick, MD to learn more about these fun and enriching opportunities.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown is an executive coach, conference speaker, HR expert, and seminar leader on employee and management training. Through her company, KRB Customized Training Solutions, she specializes in communications and leadership, career coaching, and result driven solutions for hospitality, healthcare and service oriented clients. You can reach Kelye at [email protected] or visit her website www.krbcustomizedtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 29, 2012 | Health, Laura Hall, Self-Care
Like many of you out there, I am a busy woman with many interests and things I feel passionate about. Before I discovered my little secret, which I’m going to share with you in a minute, there were many a nights that I would go to bed wishing that I had more hours in the day because I wasn’t able to get it all done. Does this sound familiar to you?
So, what’s the secret? I bathe myself in grace each morning…literally.
At Christmas I received a bottle of shower gel called “Amazing Grace”. It’s from a company called Philosophy and these are the words that are printed on the front of the bottle:
Life is a classroom. Each day is a test, and each day we receive a passing or failing grade in one particular subject: Grace. Grace is compassion, gratitude, surrender, faith, forgiveness, good manners, reverence and the list goes on. It’s something money can’t buy and credentials rarely produce. Being the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented, the richest or even the poorest can’t help. Being a humble person can, and being a helpful person can guide you through your days with grace and gratitude.
Bathing myself in grace helps me start my day off on the right foot. It reminds me that who I am being is truly more important than what I am doing. It sets the intention for my day to be to bring as much grace into my interactions with others, as well as with myself, as I can. And, it allows me to go to bed at night grateful for the opportunities to practice compassion, love, forgiveness, patience and other grace filled ways of being. Because I know for me, that this is ultimately how I’d like to be graded-by my ability to practice grace, not by how many things I checked off my to do list.
How about you? What do you do to start you day off on the right foot? What needs to happen for you to go to bed giving yourself a “passing” grade?
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach who believes every woman deserves a coach. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com.
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I know that not everyone is like me and that some of us struggle with finding happiness. What I’d like to suggest is that you stop looking for happiness and start creating it. What I am proposing is a Happiness Experiment. This experiment is being designed for everyone. There is no specific age, gender, socioeconomic status, or minimum current level of happiness necessary to be able to participate. My hypothesis is that by practicing 5 simple steps on a daily basis for one week, your happiness will increase by 20%.
At the end of your week with the Happiness Experiment, re-assess what number you give yourself on the happiness scale and let me know how it went. Did your number increase? If so, by how much? What step was the easiest for you? What step did you struggle with? Please share your comments, so I know whether my hypothesis proved to be true or false. I look forward to hearing from you! Laura