by Carol deLaski | Jan 9, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
“Today you are you! That is truer than true! There is no one alive who is you-er than you!” ~ Dr. Seuss
These words, by one of my favorite authors, reminds us of our uniqueness. My wish for you this year is to become more fully your Self. May you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person.
Who do you want to be this year?
What will it take to get there?
What will you need to include, or exclude, to help you move towards that vision?
I have found that using a theme word for the year is a helpful tool to guide my growth. I highly recommend it if you are seeking new perspectives and direction in your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe…or whatever you call that which is bigger than us…intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking a good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process looks like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these questions:
- What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
- What’s in my way? In other words, what’s blocking me?
- What needs to go? What do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expected. In fact, your mind may reject it but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it, even if it doesn’t make sense initially. Try to have an attitude of curiosity about the word you receive.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by living with it through easy, as well as challenging times.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that serve me best, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was unusual. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive, divine, messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
After spending a year with each of my words I realize that they become a part of me. I’ve developed a habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction which continues long after the year is over. Each word has been a blessing.
As 2016 begins, I am again going through the process to discover a new theme word. I invite you to join me.
If you’d like to learn more about the One Word Process you can find it in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a Stretch Team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of our Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 27th from 5:30-7:30 pm. This will be the kickoff for a series of ‘Be You’ Evening Retreats in 2016. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear stories of it’s positive impact on other individuals. If you already have a Word for 2016 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about it.
At the Launch Party you will also learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2016. You’re invited to join us for all 8 of these evening retreats to learn, grow, and stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team.
Now is the time to become a member of the Wholistic Woman Community to receive discounts on all our events. Click here to see details about the ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat Package or register for just the Launch Party. Come to one…or all eight! When you register for the entire series you will receive a $40 savings (events are transferable…so you can give them away if you find that you can’t make some dates)! Join us in the way that feels right to you.
Remember, in this community of women-on-the-grow you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you!
Each of us is a work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
In closing, I share the quote by Oscar Wilde, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 28, 2015 | Change, Donna Kettell, Personal Development, Professional Development
4 Steps to Help You Bring Your Vision to Reality
Have you ever wanted something in your life yet didn’t know how to begin to bring it into reality? Most likely, each day, there is something that we each would like to change or enhance about our lives. Whether we desire a much needed career change, a more satisfying significant relationship, a physical body that is pounds lighter and toned, or perhaps it’s a more balanced life with more joy and less stress! Whatever it might be, I have found that a personal visualization practice can help to manifest what you desire in your life.
I have made visualization a daily intention and have incorporated it into my coaching practice as a significant way to help others get focused on what they really want in their lives and, then bring those things into realization. It can definitely be a practice that works hand in hand with meditation, prayer and a positive outlook.
You may have heard the term visualization before but are wondering, what exactly is visualization? It’s a powerful tool that allows you to use your imagination to create a clear focused image of what you want in your life. And then, by focusing on it often, and sincerely believing in it, you will be able to manifest those things in life.
Let’s talk about some of the key steps of visualization.
First, relax to ensure the most effective visualization.
Quiet your mind from thinking about your to do list for a little bit. Do some deep breathing and relax your whole body. Research has shown that when we relax, our brain wave pattern changes from beta level to alpha level. The alpha level is found to be more effective in creating change through the visualization process.
Second, use your imagination to create a vivid picture of what you want in your life.
What does that look like? Picture yourself with your goal realized, as if it is really happening. How does it make you feel when you think about having that in your life? Create as many details as possible about it – use all of your senses – how does it look, sound, smell, feel, etc.
Third, focus on the picture you have created regularly, believing in your visualization.
When you first wake up and right before you go to sleep tend to be very productive times to visualize because you are in a more relaxed state then. However, you can do it as often as you like throughout the day.
Fourth, create positive statements, called affirmations, to shift any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back from realizing what you want in your life.
Affirmations work best when they are positive, concise and stated in the present tense.
A few examples of affirmations are, “I am joyful and balanced and can have all I want in my life”. “I am healthy and fit”. “I live a happy exciting life!”
Affirmations will help you to shift your doubts, fears and worry and get in a more powerful positive mindset. They allow you to focus on thoughts that support your vision rather than focusing on the reasons that you might have thought you could not create what you wanted to bring into your life.
Visualizing positive outcomes and picturing them as if they are currently happening is really empowering and has given me and my coaching clients the ability to embrace challenges in a more positive light. And, by being intentional in creating daily positive affirmations, I have seen my energy level for working through challenging situations increase and my ability to be successful in reaching goals strengthened. At times, I am still amazed at how much more easily things fall into place when I use visualization. The practice of visualization can quickly shift my mindset and then change the way I approach the things I set out to do each day. I am excited about the energy shift that visualization provides. When you feel energized with a positive outlook, you can accomplish amazing things every single day.
As you can probably tell, I have a true passion for this topic because it has brought wonderful things into my life seemingly effortlessly. I would love to share my experiences and provide you with some easy yet powerful tools to bring a daily visualization practice into your own life!
If you are ready to bring the things that you most desire into your life now, I am offering a workshop series beginning October 26th. For details on the workshop visit: http://visualizationtorealization.gr8.com/
If you have any questions about the workshop series, this blog, or other coaching opportunities, I would welcome the opportunity to talk with you! Please feel free to reach out to me directly —
Donna Kettell, Certified Professional Coach
Wholistic Woman Retreats, Affiliate Coach
Founder, Kettell Coaching [email protected]
410 978 3492
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 11, 2015 | Laura Hall, Personal Development, Self-Care
Those of you that know me personally, know that I love my life. Sure, I’ve had moments when things weren’t going the way that I wanted, but for the most part my life is good! I’ve been wondering lately if I’m just lucky or if there is something I’m doing that helps me love my life. What I’ve come up with is that yes, there has been a little luck involved (I was born in a free country during a time where modern day advances make so many things easier – think indoor plumbing, I’ve never had to fight for an education and my parents taught me to believe I could do anything I put my mind to, but the bigger impact has come from the questions I ask myself on a regular basis. I believe these questions are important to ask yourself everyday. On days when you love your life as well as on days when you don’t love your life.
So, what are these questions you might ask…well, they are the 3 questions that I ask myself every day and instead of keeping you in suspense, as I’m not one for drama, lets just cut to the chase.
- What is my life trying to teach me? When you go to bed each night, review your day. Think about the ups and the downs that occurred. Try looking at these moments as life lessons that are there to course correct you and show you the way to loving your life. One of my favorite shirts that I own right now says, “Do More of What Makes You Happy”. What makes you happy? What was it about the “ups” in your day that felt right to you? How can you bring more of that into other situations? For example, I find I’m happier when I’m outside, which is why you will often find me sitting on my back porch with my computer instead of inside at my desk. This is especially helpful when the computer work is something I’m not looking forward to. What was it about the “downs” in your day? What are they trying to teach you? Are there relationships that need more boundaries? Are you trying to go it alone when you really should be asking for help? Is it time to let something go that you’ve been holding onto? Be curious and then wait. The answers will rise up to meet the question.
- What am I pretending not to know? I believe we all have an inner knowing. Oftentimes we don’t like what that voice inside of us is saying, so we ignore it. Oprah Winfrey says, “Difficulties come when you don’t pay attention to life’s whisper. Life always whispers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you’ll get a scream.” Learn to listen to the whispers. It makes life so much easier! I find this question helps me access the whisper. I encourage you to give it a try. What are you pretending not to know?
- What can I do differently tomorrow? This question is about knowing that everyday is a new day and it gives you the opportunity to be something different than you were yesterday; to do something different that you did yesterday. At my core, I believe that life is both a classroom and a laboratory. As soon as I learn that something isn’t working, I go into my life and start experimenting. I set different intentions. I try something new. Albert Einstein says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Stop the insanity! If your life isn’t working; if you aren’t loving your life, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT! It doesn’t have to a big something. Little changes can have big effects especially when they are carried out consistently over a period of time.
If you are experiencing a challenging time in your life, why not give these questions a try. If you need a little extra help, look for someone that can help you figure out what is getting in the way of you loving your life. You deserve it! You deserve to love your life!
Do you love your life? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 3, 2015 | Personal Development, Sandie Lynch
Hope is defined as a feeling that what is wanted can be had or achieved. Other definitions include…
to cherish a desire with anticipation
to desire with expectation of obtainment
to expect with confidence; trust
Typically when we use the word hope, we are talking about something we want to happen but there may be some varying level of doubt associated with it. We may not be 100% sure it will happen, right?
In certain aspects of life, we have greater hope for things to happen than we do in other areas. What causes the differences? Also, some individuals seem to embrace hope more readily than others. What may be some of the reasons for this? Is it experience, observation of others’ results and outcomes, or maybe even deep seated beliefs to bend one way or the other?
How do you find and build hope in your life? If you want some suggestions below are 10 steps to build and stay the course toward building hope and loving yourself healthy.
10 Steps to Build a Road to Hope
1. Acknowledge where you are and what may have been contributors to the situation.
2. Give yourself and maybe others in your life grace and forgiveness. We can’t change the past only our future.
3. Examine the contributors to the situation and choose the one you have control over and are willing to take responsibility to change.
4. Do research: read books, google, ask others what are some alternatives to get started on this one thing?
5. Pray for the Power of God to assist you with what you need! He already knows and will bring help when we ASK! Ask and you will receive!
6. Tell one or two people who you trust and know will be supportive, encouraging, and give a hand to lift you up when you stumble, because you will but the important part is to keep moving forward.
7. Live each day at a time and celebrate your successes. Note what didn’t work and make modifications and adjustments. It is a success to know what doesn’t work!
8. Remember, small changes make big differences.
9. Create a visual accountability monitoring tool that keeps your progress and accomplishments in front of you.
10. Along the way….Be Kind ALWAYS… to yourself, just as you would be to a friend asking for your help!
Here are some things to consider…
What is a situation in which you want to build hope?
What factors have contributed to the situation?
What is the one thing you are choosing to take responsibility to do differently?
Who will be your accountability partners?
When will you tell them and when will you get started on your Road to Hope?
We’d really love to hear your answers!
Whatever it is that you want to accomplish, hope is the first step in moving toward it! Grow your hope and keep moving…what you want will appear!
Written by Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
Check out ATP Fitness to “Kick-Start” your 2015. Learn, practice, and embrace the strategies that will build Wholistic Wellbeing for life!
Contact Sandie at [email protected] to find out more!
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 8, 2015 | Laura Hall, Personal Development
I believe a great subtitle for this blog could be, ‘Daring Greatly’ because, if you are anything like me, speaking your truth and asking for what you need can feel very risky. However, if you want to show up, be seen and live brave™ in your life, learning how to speak your truth and to ask for what you need are skills you are going to want to cultivate and develop.
I came to realize how important this was during my first year of marriage.
My first year of marriage was not what I expected. Without going into too much detail and oversharing in such a public forum, suffice it to say that my needs weren’t being met, but I didn’t know how to speak that truth and ask for what I needed. I was afraid! I was afraid that if I spoke my truth I would hurt my husband’s feelings. I worried about how ‘my truth’ would affect my new marriage. I was full of self doubt and self criticism. The thoughts that swirled around in my head were…you must be crazy, the first year is supposed to be fun and easy, what’s wrong with you!
I tried to talk to my husband but was not having much success. In hindsight, I now know that the reason I wasn’t having much success is because I was only speaking half truths, and I myself wasn’t clear on what I needed.
I knew we needed help!
So we got it! We starting seeing a marriage counselor. Her name was Mary and to this day, 24 years later, Bill and I both give her credit in helping us create the amazing marriage we have today.
Through working with her I learned that I needed to practice being vulnerable about how I was feeling. Yes, talking about how I was feeling was scary. There was uncertainty about how it was going to be received and I felt emotionally exposed. Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. This ‘speaking your truth and asking for what you need’ thing is the definition of being vulnerable!
So, how do we do it?
I’ve been practicing since those early days of my marriage, and here is what I’ve learned along the way:
1. Clarity is vital – get really clear about your truth and what you need. There are lots of ways to do this. My two favorite methods are journaling and talking to a trusted friend. Journaling allows you to gather your thoughts and feelings and to look at them more objectively. “Is this really true for me?” is the question I ask myself as I’m putting my thoughts on paper.
When it comes to talking to my friends I reach out to friends that I know are going to offer me other ways of looking at the situation. In these conversations, I’m not looking for my friends to agree with everything I’m saying but rather to challenge me with such questions as, “Do you “really believe that?”, or “Have you considered how this looks from a different perspective?”. Fortunately, I’ve surrounded myself with trusted friends who know they can challenge me to look at my beliefs and truth test them so to speak.
2. Timing matters – wait for your reaction to subside so you can choose your response. This lesson has been a game changer in so many areas of my life and I call it, ‘pushing the pause button’. Pushing the pause button involves waiting until my reactive self – the part of me that is angry, frustrated, hurt, etc. – has settled and my more responsive self has shown up. Sometimes this happens in moments, sometimes hours, and sometimes days or even weeks. When I speak out of reaction it feels out of control and oftentimes I say things I don’t mean vs when I wait until the storm has settled I can speak my truth and ask for what I need from a calmer place and this always leads to clearer communication.
3. Avoid blame – have you ever noticed how big of a problem defensiveness can be in hindering communication? To avoid this, practice using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. “I” statements allow you to take ownership of your feelings, while “you” statement point the finger at the other person and this can lead to them getting defensive.
A friend of mine recently told me that she has a sign in her office that says, “Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes”. I love this!!!! I think it sums up the idea that speaking our truth and asking for what we need can be an uncomfortable thing to do but in the long run its the only way to live an authentic life. So, here’s to Daring Greatly one truth at a time! ~ Laura
PS. If you’d like a little help practicing this, please consider joining me at Wholistic Woman Retreats next ‘Be You’ event. The topic is ‘Be Daring’ and I will be presenting. For details and registration information, click here
Where in your life do you want to Show up, Be Seen and Live Brave™? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in their lives. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 9, 2015 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Success
5 Reasons Why It’s Important
If I were to ask you what your strengths are, what would you say?
Would the question challenge you to speak honestly about your good qualities…make you feel uncomfortable…or both? Or would you wonder, what’s the point, and dismiss the question as irrelevant?
If you find it difficult to ‘toot your own horn’ and say aloud what makes you special… you are not alone. In fact, many of us don’t know what our strengths are in the first place, much less how to talk about them in a confident and non-egotistical manner.
In my work as a personal and professional development coach I hear many responses to this question about strengths awareness. I have identified five reasons as to why it is important that we know our own strengths – those inner qualities that make us unique.
Strengths awareness helps you to:
- Know and accept yourself – Some of us don’t recognize that our unique qualities (even our idiosyncrasies) can be our strengths. We take these characteristics for granted and minimize them with statements such as Oh, that’s just me being me or I’ve always been that way. We often dismiss our strengths and perhaps actively hide them. We may have been told, at some point in our lives, that our way of being is not acceptable or good enough. Perhaps having a natural tendency to be sensitive, social, or competitive has been minimized or criticized by the influential people in our lives…so we have learned to hide these characteristics. When you accept and develop your ‘different-ness’ it can become an asset that moves a specific team or organization towards their goals. Your contribution is unique….and is valuable for exactly that reason. Strengths awareness helps you to recognize and embrace who you are at your core.
- Stay motivated and energized – Have you ever noticed that when you’re doing what you love that time seems to fly by? Hours pass in what feels like minutes because you are pursuing your passion. You’re doing what comes naturally to you and when you’ve completed the task, you realize that even though you may be physically tired you are full of an inner energy, enthusiasm, and sense of accomplishment. The reason for this phenomenon is that by using your strengths you are fed on a deep level. You are in alignment with your purpose when you use your unique gifts and talents. In contrast, when we try to force ourselves to do what does not come naturally we tend to be sluggish. This low energy causes us to procrastinate and delay engaging in those activities. This doesn’t excuse us from doing tasks that aren’t in our strengths spectrum. In those instances, however, we can recognize why we are de-motivated and re-frame the task by using our strengths or partner with someone who has a passion for that task. Strengths help us to create more motivation and energy.
- Release the need to be good at everything – Our educational and employment systems encourage (and sometimes insist) that we are well-rounded and good at many things. The truth is that we can’t be good at everything, but we can excel at certain things. When we focus on what we naturally do well and develop those talents and skills further, we release the pressure to excel in all areas. When we stop comparing ourselves to others and release the need to be like someone else, it frees us to develop our unique abilities. Authors Rath and Conchie, in their book Strengths-based Leadership, state “If you spend your life trying to be good at everything, you will never be great at anything. While our society encourages us to be well-rounded, this approach inadvertently breeds mediocrity.” I believe that when you step into your strengths you step into your greatness.
- Recognize your partners – When you accept that you don’t have to be good at everything and commit to developing your natural abilities, the areas where you don’t excel become apparent. An honest look at strengths means an honest look at the gaps, or weaknesses, as well. Recognizing the gaps in our abilities may be uncomfortable, but it is necessary to develop successful partnerships. Individuals may not be well-rounded but the most successful teams are. Knowing your strengths helps you become clear about the characteristics that are needed to balance you in order to produce the best results at work and at home. For example, technology is a necessity for my business and day-to-day living, but it is not one of my strengths. I rely on others with IT skills and a passion to help people like me in order to use technology effectively. Knowing your strengths helps you to identify your gaps and the complementary partnerships that are necessary for your success.
- Manage your strengths for better results – It is one thing to be able to name our strengths and quite another thing to know how to use them consciously to bring about desirable results. Self-management is about learning how to modulate your strengths so that they are serving you effectively. Like turning the heat up or down on the stove, we can dial our strengths up or back when necessary to get the results we need. Without strengths awareness we may neglect to establish appropriate boundaries leading us into challenging situations where we override others with too much of a good thing. For example, someone with the strength of Responsibility will quite naturally take on tasks to help move a project towards completion. This is a great quality, however, without healthy boundaries this strength can lead to several danger zones. The responsible person may, in time, feel overly burdened leading to burn-out and/or feelings of martyrdom. Additionally, co-dependency can develop as s/he does tasks that someone else needs to be doing for themselves. Each and every strength has a positive and negative side; a way in which it serves us and a way in which it does not serve us. It’s important to know what our strengths look like when they go outside of healthy boundaries and how to restore balance when that happens. As we become more aware of our strengths the ability to effectively manage them increases significantly.
With these 5 reasons in mind I encourage you to know your strengths and use them wisely.
To quote one of my favorite books, ‘You are fearfully and wonderfully made’ ….in other words, you are Awesome! Embrace more fully who you are so that you can become all that you want to be. I wish you well on the journey to being your best!
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author, speaker, and coach who specializes in strengths development for businesses and individuals. Feel free to email Carol with your comments or questions about strengths development ([email protected]) or attend an upcoming retreat to learn more about the Strengths approach to being your best self. You can hear Carol speak at Be Strong, an evening retreat, Confident Communication, a business luncheon program, and Be Brave a two day retreat. Details at www.caroldelaski.com.
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