by Carol deLaski | Jun 15, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Courage, Personal Development, Retreats
“Are you ready?” the zip line instructor asked.
I found myself strapped in a harness equipped with huge metal cords and carabineers that suspended me from an industrial-sized cable somewhere above my head. My toes danced on the wooden platform below me and butterflies danced in my stomach, as the strong arm of the instructor steadied my swaying body.
I looked out ahead at the zip line course, which sloped down across the lake far below, and then rose up again over the land on the opposite side. Although I mainly felt the thrill of anticipatory excitement, there were some anxious thoughts swirling inside my helmeted head. What if something goes wrong? I asked myself, even though I knew I wasn’t willing to turn back.
As one of the leaders of a women’s weekend retreat, I was the last participant to experience the zip line ride. The rest of the women were now gathered at the other end of the line, ready to receive me. I had just witnessed my 80-year-old mother run the course. While I implicitly trusted the instructor and the equipment, I whispered a heartfelt prayer for Mom as she courageously stepped off the platform and went zipping across the lake. I have to admit that it was not an entirely selfless prayer; I have five siblings and I couldn’t help thinking, Dear God, please keep Mom safe. They will just kill me if anything happens to her! I felt a sense of relief as Mom made it safely to the other end of the line. She was met with cheers as several of the 30 women gathered there caught her in their arms and congratulated her.
My mother is an amazing person, and as she bravely overcame her fears that day, she inspired so many others to live life fully, regardless of their age. Now, it was my turn. With a deep breath I gave a nod to the instructor who then released his hold on me. I moved to the edge of the platform, stepped off into thin air, and began the thrill of the ride.
Feeling the initial free fall, and then the reassuring bounce of the cable as it held my weight, I sped forward on a fast descent toward the lake. The warm wind blew against my face, and the cable emitted a zipping sound above my head. The water seemed to be fast approaching and I prayed that I would not end up in it. What’s the worst that can happen? I thought to myself. I’ll just take a swim. Almost immediately I felt fear leave me.
Racing forward, I heard the cheers of the other women and I knew in that moment that I had found my freedom. At first tentatively, and then with confidence, I let go of my grip on the cord, flung my arms wide open, and embraced the world as I flew through the air. The exhilaration of the ride was matched only by the joy in my heart as I released my hold on fear and embraced a new way of being. Although I had placed my trust in that which was tangible -namely, the zip line equipment – I realized that my real security could be found in my faith.*
- I had faith that the equipment would function properly, and safely hold me.
- I had faith in the experience and expertise of the zip line instructor.
- I had faith in myself that I could step out of my comfort zone, be brave, and handle whatever would come of my decision to step off that platform, even if it meant taking a swim.
- Last, but not least, I had faith in a Higher Power who watches over me and takes care of me in all circumstances.
I learned about the freedom that comes when we trust ourselves, others, and God. This is a freedom that allows me take risks. A freedom that permits mistakes, as well as the opportunity to learn from my failures. A freedom that releases fear and embraces joy to live fully.
Where are you called to be braver and take a calculated risk?
What helps you to let go of your grip on fear and openly embrace whatever may come?
In the Wholistic Woman community we believe that stepping out of your comfort zone is an important element of being a woman-on-the-grow. Change/growth is usually uncomfortable because we are doing something new and unfamiliar. Accepting that discomfort is normal, and learning to be okay with it, will help us adopt the new perspectives and behaviors needed for lifelong learning.
Each year we offer a physical adventure retreat to experience stepping out of our comfort zones in a kinesthetic way. At this retreat women have the opportunity to…
- Ride a 600-foot zip line through the forest
- Climb a huge jungle gym called a static tower
- Do a “Leap of Faith” jump from the top of a telephone pole
…all while being safely harnessed and instructed by Ropes Course experts; guided by skilled life coaches; and cheered on by other women who are also stepping out of their comfort zones.
Women of all ages, shapes, sizes, and abilities join us to stretch and grow at the level that is right for them. In this supportive atmosphere they are encouraged to try one small step towards being braver…whatever that may be for them.
You’re invited to join us for this very special retreat on June 29th from 3- 8 pm at Upward Enterprises in Adamstown, Md. Afterwards, join us for a celebratory dinner at the Buckeystown Pub to share stories, lessons learned, and ways to apply your newfound courage to other areas of your life.
Click here to learn more about this opportunity to find a more Courageous You!
Space is limited. Register soon to reserve spots for you and your friends!
*(excerpted from Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith by Carol deLaski)
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a leadership coach, speaker, and author who specializes in developing the strengths of individuals and organizations. She is the Founder and CEO of Wholistic Woman Retreats which provides personal and professional development programs for women-on-the-grow. You may learn more about her at www.caroldelaski.com or email her directly at: [email protected] to have her work with you or your group.
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 7, 2016 | Courage, Laura Hall
I just registered myself and my two daughters for ‘Courageous You’, which is Wholistic Woman Retreats’ Physical Adventure event. This is a retreat I help lead with the other coaches of WWR where we ask women to step out of their comfort zone and try something that may feel a little (or a lot) risky. It warms my soul that my daughters, who are 18 and 21 years old, want to participate. I am raising courageous young women and I am so proud of them. I think I’m especially impressed by where they are at this stage in their lives because my journey was so different. I grew up trying to avoid risks because they felt scary, but as I’ve gotten older, it’s interesting to observe how my thoughts about risk taking have changed.
When I look back over my early childhood, fear is a big part of my story. As a little girl, I had a lot of trouble sleeping. I was convinced that “robbers” were going to break in to our house and shoot us with their guns. As I write this from an adult perspective I see how irrational the thoughts were, but at age 5, the fear was very real.
By age 8, I was convinced that if I wasn’t careful enough I was going to be abducted. I often stayed home instead of walking to a friend’s house because I was certain of being kidnapped and ending up on the back of a milk carton.
In middle school I worried about being liked and getting good grades. I didn’t like asking questions because it might look like I wasn’t smart. I was petrified of being called on and looking stupid.
As a teenager, and young adult, I managed my anxieties and fears by ‘playing it safe’. Take a risk…No way! And, for a while, this strategy worked. I had a nice little comfort zone that I lived in without having to try anything too scary. What happened to me over time though is that the comfort zone got boring. There was no adventure, no challenges and no risks. It started to feel like I was existing but not fully living. Somewhere in my late 30’s and early 40’s I made the conscious decision to turn and face my fears instead of hiding from them.
I addressed my social anxiety issues by joining and participating in networking events. In the beginning I was very uncomfortable, but intuitively I knew that the more I did it, the easier it would get, and this, overtime, proved to be true.
The next major fear I faced was the fear of public speaking. I joined Toastmasters and started learning the ins and outs of effective speech making. The first day I ventured up out of my seat and to the front of the room, I was shaking so badly, but I did it…shaking and all. And in 2013 I did something that at one time in my life I thought I could never do…I went skydiving! It was AWESOME!!!!! It was more that just jumping out of a plane for me. This true leap of faith represented freedom from the confines of a comfort zone.
I used to believe that taking risks was reckless and irresponsible in any and all circumstances, but I now believe that if the risk has the potential to move you toward a life more fully lived than that risk has to be taken, even if there is the chance of failure.
My favorite author Brené Brown says, “If we are brave enough often enough, we will fall.” I think I used to be adverse to taking risks because I was afraid of falling. What I know now is that that is no way to live. Playing is safe is no longer working for me.
I have several mantras that are helping me in this new, braver phase of my life. Two of my favorites are…’Feel the fear, and do it anyway” and “I choose courage over comfort”.
My daughter recently told me that her favorite quote is, “Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear”. This quote is attributed to George Addair. I love that this is her favorite quote. I believe that one of the greatest gifts I’ve given my children is allowing them to witness me facing my fears.
Life presents us with many opportunities to be afraid. Some of them are legitimate and should be taken seriously, but a lot of them are fears that are just daring us to face them.
I encourage you to take a look at your life and consider where fear may be holding you back. What would it be like to turn and face it? What would it take for you to adopt the mantra, “Feel the fear but do it anyway”?
Are you ready to see what life would be like outside of your comfort zone? If so, I’d like to extend the invitation to have you join me and my daughters at ‘Be Courageous’ on June 29th. Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | May 30, 2016 | Carol deLaski, Courage, Retreats
Angela inspires me. Although she is afraid of heights, she bravely brought herself and her staff to the Wholistic Woman zip line retreat; knowing full well it would take her out of her comfort zone.
With a secure harness around her waist and a helmet on her head, she anxiously watched other women walk to the platform and be linked to the overhead cable by the facility expert. With cheers of encouragement, each woman then walked to the edge of the platform and, when they were ready, stepped off into thin air for the 600 foot zip line ride through the forest.
Tension grew in Angie’s face as she watched the women go before her and imagined taking the steps herself. Her 3 employees stood nearby and chatted excitedly about the opportunity to participate in this team building exercise and to support each other in being brave. First one, then another, went and soon it was Angie’s turn. She quietly said to me, “Well, there’s no turning back now. Here I go.” Even though no one was forcing her to do this she seemed to tap into an inner source of strength and bravely stepped to the platform and allowed herself to be linked to the zip line. She hesitantly approached the edge of the platform and fearfully looked down. Encouraging words from the watching women reminded her to look forward towards her goal…the end of the line and not at the ground below her. Taking a deep breath, and whispering a soft prayer, she stepped off the platform and was soon flying through the air. Clinging to the cable before her and feeling the rush of wind against her face, Angie’s look of fear soon spread into a smile of pure joy. The exhilaration of the ride overtook all her worries in the minutes that she zipped through the air. As she landed safely at the end of the line her joyful smile grew even bigger as she realized that she “did it”! The thrill of the ride was only surpassed by the exhilaration she felt inside for stepping beyond her fears. Receiving hugs and claps on the back from her employees and other surrounding women, Angie was practically floating as she walked through the woods back to the starting point.
I asked her how it felt and she radiated pure enthusiasm as she told me that is wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be…in fact it was really fun. We chatted as we moved to the next activity, a free-fall swing. Riding on her sense of accomplishment from having done the zip line, Angie looked at this next challenge and discovered her anxiety was again returning. Harnessed to a Y cable, women were being hoisted into the air by their teammates. When they were ready, each woman pulled the trigger to release themselves into a free-fall swing through the tree tops. Screams of excitement, delight, and also some fear resonated around Angie as she watched from a distance. “I’m not so sure about this one,” was her comment to me as we moved to pull the next woman into position. “Do what feels right for you,” was my advice to her, “we will support you in stretching as far as you want to go today.”
After watching each woman in our group do the free-fall swing from a variety of heights, Angie bravely stepped forward and said, “This scares me but I want to do it. I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and regret that I didn’t do this.” With that she was attached to the Y cable and we slowly raised her into the air. Within a few feet she said loudly, “That’s enough…stop right there.” And we did. Respecting her wishes and the courage that she was tapping into to be in this position, we waited until she was ready to pull the trigger and release herself into a free-fall. Cheers surrounded her once more as she swung back and forth and then gently slowed to a stop. The smile that lit her face made my day. This 62 year- old woman epitomized for me what it means to me to be brave.
She felt her fear, yet she set herself up for success in several key ways which she explained to me afterwards.
She surrounded herself with people who encouraged her and supported her intention to overcome her fears.
She educated herself about the risks and made sure that she was working with experts who ensured a safe approach to those risks.
She brought a team to experience it with her and to remind her who she wants to be.
And last, but not least, she tapped into her own inner source of courage and strength. Believing in herself, and the God that she leans on, she took the leap to be all that she wants to be.
Almost a year later, I checked in with Angie to see how her courage has developed and the impact the retreat had on her business and her life. She said, “I’ve always been a cautious person, but I’ve come to realize that I don’t want my life to be controlled by fear. Stepping out and trying something that terrified me was exhilarating. Now when faced with a challenge, whether in business or in life, my new mantra is “I can do this!”
What does it take for you to be brave and overcome your fears?
Do you need information? Do you need support and encouragement from others? Does it help to see someone else go first before you take a leap?
Whether you need people, information, perspective, prayer or a combination of all four, it’s wise to know how to tap into your courage. Most of us face fear on a daily basis and we learn ways to overcome the mild nervousness we experience in order to do what we need to do each day.
But how do we manage the big things that scare us? Financial, medical, and relationship issues are just some of life’s challenges that can cause great anxiety within us.
How do we find the courage to face challenges?
I have found these three steps helpful when facing fear:
- Identify the fear. This can be hard to do because it feels vulnerable to admit that we are afraid. Yet, when we name our fear we begin to see how to manage it. Choices emerge about how to overcome fear once we see it and name it.
- Have a support team. Surround yourself with people who you trust and who inspire you to be brave. They will model courage for you and will cheer you on when you achieve both major and minor accomplishments.
- Take small steps. Courage grows every time you do something that scares you. For some of us it may be speaking in public, running a business, or learning a new skill…our fears vary and are as unique as we are. Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “Do one thing every day that scares you” which reminds us that courage takes practice. With every small step forward through our fears we develop our inner strength and courage.
What steps are you taking to be braver?
Grow more courageous at our 2016 Physical Adventure Retreat on June 29th from 3-8 pm.
This year we will be offering 3 exciting activities where you can Climb, Zip, and Leap out of your comfort zone.
Do 1, 2, or all 3 at the level that feels right to you.
Stretch and grow more courageous with us!
Click here for more details and registration information.
Questions can be sent to [email protected].
*Thank you to Angela Martin, owner of Shepherd’s Staff In-Home Care, and Wholistic Woman Member, for sharing her inspiring story with us.
* Click here to see photos from the 2015 Be Courageous Physical Adventure Retreat
This article was written by Carol deLaski, a professional certified coach, speaker, author, and Founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats. She specializes in strengths development for businesses and individuals. To learn more about her services, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 12, 2015 | Courage, Kelye Rouse-Brown
I declare today my brave day. Everyone has one of those days, right?
Today is the 4th anniversary of being a breast cancer survivor and taking charge of my health and future. What a journey it has been and today I reflect on the day. I wonder…when you go through something major in your life does it add a protective shield or a layer of “I can do anything” to who you are?
Four years ago, I underwent a thirteen hour procedure. Today I think about the timing of it all. The prepping for surgery, removal of my cancer, and reconstruction lasted half a day. Pretty amazing when you think about it! I think of the competent surgeons and nurses, and my friends and family on the sidelines. I think about how I was treated during the day. I have very clear memories of everything that happened before I went under anesthesia.
I had a team of people present with me before going into surgery. My team consisted of my sister-in-laws, Tobi and Linda, my Dad and stepmom Gail, my godmother Joan, my oldest high school friend Rachel, and of course, my supportive husband Steve. I would have loved for my mom to be there but she was not healthy enough to be at the hospital with us. My mom had been battling ovarian cancer for ten years prior to my diagnosis – a huge milestone for anyone with that type of cancer. She was my model for bravery. Now it was my time to fight!
As I reflect, I wonder…Why was I so brave and relaxed? Let’s see:
- My support team of family and friends by my side
- My competent surgeons and staff on hand
- My own positive mental attitude
My fight was planned from the start when my mother and I were diagnosed with the genes associated with hereditary breast and ovarian cancer called BRCA1. I had a 50% chance of carrying the mutation, so it wasn’t a total shocker to test positive for it. In fact, my breast cancer detection was caught early. I was at stage zero. It doesn’t get better than that!
My surgery lasted 13 hours but really this event of mine will last a lifetime. I think when you’ve experienced something of this magnitude you earn the right to have a brave day. That’s how I see it and why I declare today that day for me!
Do you have a day you can declare your brave day?
Just weeks ago I did something brave at our Wholistic Woman Adventure Retreat – Be Courageous. I faced a new challenge called The Leap of Faith. The picture you see in this post is me at the top of The Leap of Faith. As I climbed a 22 foot pole, one step at a time, to reach the top and stand tall, I was reminded of my brave day. The same components were in place. I had a supportive coaching team and community, a competent staff, and most of all, my positive attitude!
Four years ago I underwent a major, life changing event. I think about the protective shield that I now carry with me as a result of “my brave day”, and realize it is what prepares me for all the challenges ahead. Challenges like The Leap of Faith as well as challenges still yet to come. If you’d like inspiration to declare your brave day, check out our photo gallery of brave women participating in ‘Be Courageous’ by clicking here.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate are what help her clients develop, spark action and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 24, 2015 | Confidence, Courage, Laura Hall
Last week, at age 48, I stepped out of my comfort zone and onto a gymnastics mat as I participated as a gymnast in the 15th World Gymnaestrada held in Helsinki, Finland. This event is held every 4 years as a celebration of performance (non-competitive) gymnastics. I was one of 25 participants representing Skyview Gymnastics and one of 250 participants representing the United States. Over the course of 7 days, 21,000 participants from 55 different countries came together to perform over 600 hours of demonstrations and shows. For me, this event was the culmination of a years worth of practice and training. Having never been to a World Gymnaestrada before, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I knew for sure that along the way I would be stretched outside my comfort. This was both exhilarating and and frightening! 
As I look back over the year of preparation, I realize there have been several valuable life lessons that I’ve learned along the way that I’d like to share with you here.
Lesson #1 – You are never too old (or young) to try something new. The participants in our group ranged in age from 1 to 68 years old. I’ve spent years watching gymnastics, but being the one out on the floor was definitely something new to me. I’m so glad that I didn’t let my age or lack of gymnastics experience stop me from participating in this amazing event. The memories that I made in Helsinki will undoubtedly be with me for a lifetime.
Where in your life are you letting the excuse of age or lack of experience hold you back? What would it take for you to say “yes” to doing what you can do in that situation?
My gymnastics skills were far from stellar. I was constantly being reminded to point my toes and straighten my legs. My biggest skills were a cartwheel and a handstand to a forward roll. But, you know what?…I’m really proud of myself! I got out there and played full out to the best of my abilities. I did what I could and that was good enough.
Lesson #2 – Overthinking is not helpful! Prior to taking our routines overseas, we were able to perform at Skyview’s end of the year performance as well at a friends and family show right before we left. During one of these performances, I let my head get in my way. I started overthinking every move and step, and I was extremely worried that I was going to forget something important. Guess what happened!?! I forgot an entire section of the choreography.
The next time we performed this routine, I chose to approach it differently. I was mindful about reminding myself that I was prepared and that I knew the steps. I worked on staying focused on the part of the routine that I was actually performing instead of worrying about what was coming next. The outcome was exactly as I had hoped. I had fun and remembered everything I was supposed to.
Have you ever struggled with overthinking something? How did it turn out for you? What would it have taken to shift to focused thinking?
Lesson #3 – Some days are better than others, and that’s OK. This was true for both the choreography as well as the gymnastics skills. Some days my moves were spot on, and on other days not so much. I think this is true for life in general. Some mornings I wake up energized, excited, and raring to go. On other days, staying warm and cozy in my bed feels like a better option. Some days it seems like nothing can go wrong, while on other days nothing can go right. What I learned from my gymnastics experience is that it doesn’t do me any good to beat myself up on the not so good days. I had more success when I just acknowledged that this was an off day, worked on practicing what I thought might make a difference and started fresh the next time we practiced.
How do you handle challenging days?
Lesson #4 – Missteps often aren’t as big as our mind makes them out to be. This insight came to me as a result of watching video footage of our routines. I’d come off the floor thinking, “Ugh! That was horrible!” and then I’d watch the video and realize that as a whole, it didn’t look as bad as I thought. I wonder how many times this is true in other aspects of my life?
I suspect that this is probably happening pretty frequently. Unfortunately, most of the time, we don’t get to watch a video replay of our life, so how do we know whether or not we are making an accurate assessment of how we are doing?
I believe that having someone in our life who we trust to give us honest feedback, both positive and negative is extremely helpful. I also think it’s beneficial to question our own interpretations of our life situations. Are we being too hard on ourselves? Are we being too easy on ourselves? How would someone watching from the outside describe what happened?
Do you think your mind magnifies or minimizes your missteps?
Lesson #5 – I can be scared and brave at the same time. One of my favorite mantras is, “feel the fear, but do it anyway”. This World Gymnaestrada experience gave me many opportunities to feel the fear, and do it anyway. I felt the fear when I was working on my handstand to forward rolls. I felt the fear when we practiced front flips into the foam pit at the gym. I felt the fear standing backstage before our big performances. I DID IT ANYWAY! This is my definition of brave 🙂
Where in your life are you being called to do it anyway? Where is fear holding you back?
Next week, on July 29th, 2015 Wholistic Woman Retreats is having our ‘Be Courageous’ Adventure Retreat where we will zip line, leap and climb out of our comfort zones. We’d love to have you join us! Details can be found by clicking here.
Do you love your life? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Mar 26, 2015 | Carol deLaski, Courage
What does being brave mean to you?
Does it evoke heroic images of courageous acts done by special people?
Is it a word that you use to describe yourself at times?
At a recent Wholistic Woman Retreat, we explored the topic of bravery. We learned that it occurs in the little moments of life as well as in more pivotal moments.
Bravery occurs each time we step out of our comfort zones. When we overcome our fears enough to try a new activity or have a difficult conversation, we are being brave.
Perhaps, like me, you’ve noticed there is a dance that we do between fear and doubt and trust and faith. Much like a dance, whether we move gracefully or awkwardly between them depends upon how much practice we’ve had. Learning how to replace my doubts with trust becomes a key factor in my ability to be brave and try new ways of being or thinking.
One arena where I have had the opportunity to practice these dance moves repeatedly was when writing my book. Like many others, I always thought I would write a book one day, but I really didn’t know how or when I would do it. Upon returning from a transformative trip to Europe, however, I suddenly knew it was time to write my book.
Uncertainty and self-doubt arose with thoughts of… I don’t know how. Who will read it? Who am I to write a book? Others are more qualified than me.
When I listened to these inner voices of doubt, I could feel my courage shrinking and a strong urge to play it safe grew within me.
I knew that the way to move from fear to trust would be through loving-kindness. As Brené Brown teaches in the Daring Way™, the two most important seats in any life arena are empathy and self-compassion. When we change our inner voice from ‘the critic’ to one of a friend, we shift our energy and create forward movement.
I changed my inner tape to one of encouragement with…who am I to ignore my call to write? If I only touch one person with my book it will be worth it. Normal people like me have stories worth telling.
This new perspective released the hold fear had upon me and I began to write my story. I wasn’t sure how it would turn out but trusted that if I did my part the purpose of my work would be revealed.
Doubts soon re-surfaced, however, and I began to see that this dance between fear and trust is repeated continuously when we are being brave. Moving away from fear is not a one-time activity. We have the opportunity to practice it over and over again.
While in the midst of writing my book one day my fingers raced across the keyboard and the words poured out of me. I paused to review what I had just written and was surprised to see ‘three beliefs for faith-based living’. I was so intent on letting the words flow out of me that I hadn’t consciously constructed these beliefs. They were a culmination of many thoughts within me, yet I also felt that they had come through me from a source bigger than myself. My heart resonated with these beliefs, but doubt and fear once again appeared in my mind.
The inner critic questioned the 3 beliefs with thoughts of…what will people think? I’m not an expert. Who am I to write this? It’s too simple. People will laugh…or ridicule…or judge me. Don’t be a fool and let people know what you believe.
As these thoughts swirled within me I could feel the enthusiasm for writing my story starting to shrink. The urge to play it safe returned, and I was tempted to revise the beliefs or even to take them out of the book entirely. It felt vulnerable to include them and I was frightened to voice my perspectives so boldly and risk being judged.
Feeling stuck in uncertainty, I once again knew that the way to move from self-limiting fear into action was through trust and faith. The dance move needed to replace my self-defeating thinking was self-compassion.
I began with…you can do this. You don’t have to be an expert to others; you are an expert about your own beliefs. And, if you don’t say it…who will?
This new perspective released the logjam of my self-doubt and I resumed writing.
This pattern continued to repeat itself throughout the entire project. I seemed to do a daily dance between doubt and trust and subsequently practiced overcoming limiting thoughts in many small ways. It was the large fears, however, that would stop me in my tracks and freeze my forward momentum.
Such as when I invited feedback on my manuscript from people who knew me, as well as from cold readers (people who had never met me). I bravely reviewed their comments each time in an effort to improve the book. There were times that the critical voices from others resonated with my inner critic and the two seemed to have a field day inside my head.
Such thoughts deteriorated my physical and emotional energy and I would be tempted to give up thinking…this is just too hard.
At times I couldn’t hear my own voice of self-compassion and I needed to hear words of kindness and encouragement from others. I welcomed positive feedback from loved ones, and even more so when the feedback came from strangers whose honest encouragement wasn’t driven by a concern for my feelings.
Statements such as…I can relate to your story. I couldn’t put the book down. I’ve been through similar experiences. I’m thinking about the questions you ask and have been growing because of them.
These affirmations lifted my spirit and helped me to be brave enough to take an honest look at the critical feedback, and use it to revise and improve the work overall.
Today, because I have learned this dance between fear/doubt and trust/faith, I have a finished book and its companion journal. This would not have been possible if it weren’t for the courage to continually practice the dance moves of loving-kindness, compassion, and empathy rather than doubt and fear.
Fear is such an integral part of life that I know I will always be involved in this waltz. With each rendition I recognize feelings of vulnerability more readily, and the subsequent urge to shrink and play it safe, quiet, and small. I hear my inner critic and then consciously choose to counter it with self-compassionate thoughts of encouragement. And if my attempts to talk to myself like a dear friend are not enough to change my energy, then I remember that I can rely on the compassion of others, and on a loving God, to rebalance my perspective.
What arena of your life is beckoning you to be brave and to move beyond your fear?
As you seek to overcome those doubts, try being compassionate with yourself.
Won’t you join me in this dance of being brave?
Carol deLaski is an author, speaker, and professional coach. Her books, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith and the Lost and Found Companion Journal are available at www.caroldelaski.com. If you would like information on retreats, workshops, or coaching groups based on the book contact Carol via email: [email protected]
The Be Brave Retreat based on Dr. Brené Brown’s Daring Way™ program was recently presented by Wholistic Woman Retreats. If you would like information on bringing this retreat, or others, to your group or area please write to [email protected]
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