by Carol deLaski | Jan 26, 2018 | Confidence, Courage, Kira Tregoning
If I were to ask ten people how they’re creative, I’m willing to bet I would get at least five different responses – but the most common response would be “I’m not creative.” Far too many people believe that they need to write a bestselling novel or paint a masterpiece to be considered creative. In an Adobe study on creativity and education, 78% of survey participants said they wish they had more creative ability.
We are all creative, whether we write, paint, draw, sing, or dance. Creativity is part of our essential makeup as humans, and the desire to create something meaningful is a motivation for many.
Why do so many people believe they aren’t creative? Part of it may be the comparison trap, which Wholistic Woman coaches have written about previously. We are too afraid to create because we’re afraid of judgement, whether our own or from others. Certainly many creative people fall into the comparison trap and may lose the desire to create out of a belief that they don’t stack up or that their creativity is inadequate.
Another reason may be that creativity is an act of bravery. It takes courage to create, and to be creative. It takes courage to share your creations with others, which opens you up to potential rejection and criticism. Accessing and utilizing your creativity may at times be frightening, not just for the potential rejection of something you have worked hard on, but also because you are making yourself vulnerable. You’re likely expressing your inner self, inner desires and fears, and those aspects of yourself which are normally kept hidden.
However, once you find yourself tapping into your creativity, don’t you find it hard to stop? That’s because your creativity serves a need within you. It fulfills that desire to create, and allows you to consciously or unconsciously explore different sides of yourself.
How are you creative?
In what ways do you invite creativity into your life?
A common refrain these days is “I don’t have time for that.” We’re all filling our lives with busy: home and school and work and social life and kids and on and on and on. The world, and our daily lives, are filled to the brim with “I’m busy, so I don’t have time.”
Pause. Breathe. Just reading that paragraph probably started flooding your brain with everything you have to accomplish today, or this week, or this month. But I’m going to tell you something revolutionary . . . here it comes . . . you do have time.
Most of us forget that we make time for the tasks, events, and people who we feel are important to us. Our creative pursuits often take a back seat to work because we need to pay our bills, and that’s perfectly fine. I’m guilty of it myself. I haven’t written nearly as much in my books as I had planned because running my own business consumed my life for the last year. But you know what?
I allowed it to.
I allowed work to take over because I felt it was necessary in order to do my job right, and to do it well. So I neglected my writing, and now I’m finding that was a mistake. All self-blame aside, I shouldn’t have let myself do that. That creative endeavor helps to inject creativity into my work, which is an absolute necessity in what I do. By neglecting my creative passion, I had begun to shut myself off to the creative well inside me, and all because I convinced myself I had no time or energy.
We make time for what we consider important in that moment. Of course, some things must and will always take priority, such as caring for children or family members, ensuring a roof over one’s head and food on the table, etc. But do you consider your creative pursuits important? Or have you let them slide in favor of other things?
If you have let your creativity slide, what can you do to bring those pursuits back into your life?
Wholistic Woman Retreats invites you to be courageous with us at the Be Creative Retreat on March 3. Explore your creativity and perhaps even find new ways of expressing your creative side at this full-day signature retreat! Learn about intuitive painting, integrative nutrition, self-compassion power pages, and so much more with our coaches. We look forward to seeing you there! More details and registration here.
Today’s blog is written by one of our alliance partners, Kira Tregoning. Kira is the owner and founder of Maia Media Management, a local social media business. She offers social media management, consultations, and training, as well as video filming and editing, proofreading, and manuscript critique services. Kira is also a published author with multiple fantasy novels available on Amazon and more on the way. Learn more about her at www.maiasocial.com
by Carol deLaski | Nov 17, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging, Kim McClure
Hey Ladies . . .
DO YOU KNOW YOUR VALUE?
A friend and I recently attended the “Know Your Value Conference” in NYC – it was hosted by Mika Brzezinski, co-host of MSNBC’s “Morning Joe” and founder of Know Your Value. The conference is meant to enrich the lives of women and help them learn to own their power and grow their value – important stuff! The topics included Negotiation and Promotion, Financial Health, Emotional Health, Physical Health, and more.
I will admit, at first I thought the show was a little glitzy compared to other motivational conferences I have attended where the focus has been more on spirituality and inner healing. The presenter list included Martha Stewart, makeup artist Bobbi Brown, Jane Pauley, and Sarah Jessica Parker (love, love, love Sex & the City) just to name a few . . . remember, it was NYC!
BUT, the presenter that moved me the most was someone I had never heard of . . . Janine Driver, the author of You Say More Than You Think, which is a book about body language. If you knew me better, you would know that I am totally obsessed with books and learning. So when I was perusing the book table before the conference, Janine’s book spoke to me and I purchased it on the spot! Little did I know, a few hours later I would meet her in person, get my book signed, and compare notes about our 12-year-old complex boys – this all took place BEFORE I heard her talk.
Janine’s presentation was funny, powerful, energetic, and emotional. “Wow,” you must be thinking – “really, all that, and she was just talking about body language?” Well, by listening to her talk, I realized that my body language has been holding me back from owning my power.
Are you aware of your body language? Do you know how your body language affects the responses of others?
The good news is you can start implementing positive and effective body language techniques immediately. Challenge yourself to try out the different body language tips below and observe how people respond to you.
Power Poses
So there is the usual “Wonder Woman” hands-on-hips pose and the power steeple (you see this one on “Shark Tank”), but I am going to challenge you to look farther than the pose and notice how you respond when you see other people taking these poses. Notice the stances of women CEOs, politicians, and other powerful business women and entertainers. See mine above taken at the conference.
Homework: Have a friend take pictures of you in the various poses – see which one you like the best and start using it!
The Shimmy
This one became famous during one of the presidential debates when Hillary Clinton reacted by smiling, closing her eyes, and shimmy-shaking back and forth. But did you know that shaking your body is a simple yet powerful Qigong technique? Next time someone ruffles your feathers do what Taylor Swift says and, “Shake it off!”
Homework: Next time you are stressed or emotionally overwhelmed, find a private spot, ground your feet, and start moving your body from head to toe for 1-2 minutes.
Handshake
Be the first to reach out for the handshake (hands side to side). You can make a positive impression by facing the person – belly button facing the person you are shaking hands with, not just your face and upper body. Also, hand placement on the top portrays power while the hand on the bottom implies weakness. If someone does a power play on you and shakes with their hand on top, you can come back with a “hand hug,” meaning you cover the top hand with your hand.
Homework: Practice a variety of handshakes with people you meet – notice the response when you face and shake vs the shake that is not fully engaged.
The Shoulder Shrug
The Shoulder Shrug means I’m not sure of myself – DON’T SHRUG YOUR SHOULDERS!!! This is one body move women tend to do that totally takes their power away. Janine shared the story of her mother who was diagnosed with cancer and only a year to live. The video she showed was of her mother holding a rock over her head, saying “This is cancer,” and throwing it into the ocean. When Janine asked her mom to yell, “This year is all about me” . . . well, her mom threw the rock, looked into the camera, and said, “I guess this year is all about me,” then shrugged her shoulders. Janine had her say it over and over again until she said it like she meant it with NO shoulder shrug. She also had her mother practice a variety of positive body language techniques. Her mother outlived her diagnosis and was with her for three more years.
Homework: Catch yourself when you are getting ready to shrug your shoulders and STOP! If you have a hard time with this one, start by being more aware of the situations in which you shrug.
Start making positive changes to your body language today – it can help enhance your social life, relationships, and professional career. And, if all else fails, “Shake it off!”
Today’s author: Kim McClure, Holistic Health and Wellness Coach received her coaching education from MUIH, Laurel, MD. Kim is a certified Sanity School™ for Parents Trainer. Sanity School™ teaches a Coach Approach to parenting Complex Kids. Learn simple and clear strategies to motivate your child or teen to reach for success. If you need Sanity or want to learn more about the program, contact Kim at kim.mcclure@healthsanitylife.com or visit her website HealthSanityLife.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 5, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Courage
“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all.” ~ Helen Keller
What do you think of when you hear the word Adventure?
Daring…risky…exciting…maybe even a bit scary?
Adventures often have an element of the unknown, risk, and perhaps danger. I’ve noticed that there are different levels of adventure that appeal to each of us. What thrills me may seem tame to someone else. What thrills someone else may seem impossible for me to do.
Whether you’re quick to jump on board or prefer to think things through before taking a well-calculated risk, I believe it’s important for each of us to cultivate our own unique spirit of adventure. That spirit calls for us to try new things that take us out of our comfort zones, to stretch, grow, and reach for new accomplishments. The spirit of adventure is when we “participate in exciting undertakings or enterprises,” according to Dictionary.com.
My adult son, Ben, recently went skydiving with his girlfriend Kate. They were nervously excited about this great adventure and thoroughly researched the company they chose to literally, take the jump. Even though I was nervous, too, I saluted their courage in overcoming fear and doing such a daring act. I was the first person Ben called when his feet were safely on the ground once more and his voice was full of excitement and joy as he told me that it was one of the most amazing experiences of his life. His adrenaline and thrill were evident and contagious. I felt both relief and happiness for Ben and Kate; especially knowing that they took this adventurous step together.
I have no burning desire to jump out of a perfectly good airplane; however, I have my own sense of adventure. It often comes alive for me when I travel. I recently went to Texas for a work trip and extended my stay for a few days of fun and adventure exploring Texas Hill Country with my co-worker and friend, Kelye.
Kelye travels to Texas frequently for work and she designated herself my official tour guide for our long weekend together. She drove us through big cities and small towns: Austin, Fredericksburg, Comfort, and San Antonio. We drove through Luckenbach, Texas (where Waylon, Willie, and the gang sang). I tried new foods and drinks, saw new animals (such as armadillos), stayed on a ranch, and even bought myself a pair of red cowgirl boots as a reminder of this fun road trip. Traveling always taps into my sense of adventure as I find myself more open to see, taste, smell, listen, touch – and thoroughly experience new places, people, and things.
What taps into your sense of adventure?
What activities bring you the thrill of excitement?
What will you do this summer to explore and stretch out of your comfort zone?
If you’re looking for good ideas, I have a great suggestion!
I warmly invite you to our first Wholistic Woman Scavenger Hunt. This local adventure will take you around the historic district of Frederick, MD, and help you discover and experience it in new, creative ways.
Frequently, we take our hometown or nearby attractions for granted; we may not make time to enjoy and explore them. This is your chance to get to know Frederick better as you hunt for items and activities in the four Wholistic categories of body, heart, mind, and spirit.
Clues in each category will challenge you and your teammates to find and photograph such things as:
Heart: Do an act of kindness for an elderly person such as helping them across the street or paying for their parking meter.
Mind: Go to the house of the famous woman who said “Shoot if you must, this old gray head, but spare your country’s flag!” and salute the flag displayed there.
Body: Get a postural assessment from our sponsor, Spring Ridge Chiropractic, at the tallest, straightest place in Baker Park.
Spirit: Photograph your team at one of the many houses of worship in Frederick and light a candle, say a prayer, or meditate together.
These, and many more clues, will stretch your minds as you walk around town; be sure to wear comfortable shoes! Find and do as many of these clues as you can (or want to) in an hour and a half. Wholistic Woman Retreats will provide snacks and plenty of water to keep you hydrated and happy as you explore old town Frederick.
Create your own team, or come on your own and join a team at the event. This is a great team-building experience, whether you’re bringing co-workers, staff, or board members…or if you meet your team that day. You’ll get to know others as you explore the streets of Frederick – on the move – learning, connecting, and growing.
At the conclusion of the Scavenger Hunt we will gather upstairs at Brewer’s Alley to celebrate with cold drinks, dinner, and a recap of team adventures with a slideshow of your scavenger hunt photos. Fun prizes will be awarded, but we know the best reward will be the sense of accomplishment and connection you will feel from getting outside your comfort zone with other Women-on-the-Grow.
To participate in the Wholistic Scavenger Hunt, register yourself and/or your team. Plan to arrive at the Baker Park Gazebo at 4:30 on July 26th. The hunt will run from 5:00-6:30 PM, followed by dinner and celebration at Brewer’s Alley till 8:00 PM.
I hope to see you there…let’s have an adventure together!
Today’s Author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an executive coach, founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats, and author of Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. Learn more about her coaching and training services at www.caroldelaski.com or email her at: [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Apr 21, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging, Jane Helm
Confidence is a work in practice—after all, practice makes perfect, right? As a new entrepreneur I am working on my confidence every day. Having taken the leap into a world of self-reliance and exercising my new muscles of courage, I find myself building confidence in the same way I have done during earlier challenges I have faced.
One pivotal lesson I learned in building confidence was when I started taking ballet. By all standards, I had started late in life. I was twelve. Most of the girls in my class had started much younger, some at three years old. I had taken modern dance, where dancers are allowed to not have their shoulders pushed down, and toes didn’t have to be perfectly pointed. Where I could lift my leg as high as I wanted AND lift my hip too! I found myself in a world where total body control was expected, and realized quickly that this expectation of precision and conformity would be a daunting undertaking. In the mirrors, I watched my peers move with their bodies in perfect alignment, with their hands shaped identically in a dainty half-grasp. They held their heads high (and lifted their legs without any hip movement at all!). Those mirrors. I was always looking in those mirrors! Observing others and myself—would I ever measure up? I was amazed and intimidated. The peer pressure in ballet is fierce and when combined with a stern Czech teacher, counting out each step, pointing out every mistake, I was overwhelmed. I wondered if the reflection in the mirror would ever ever provide a glimpse of hope. Would I ever be able to let go of the barre that was steadying me? There were so many times I considered quitting. But I didn’t. I kept practicing and practicing.
Repetition was the teacher. Every class was the same routine—plies, releves, and adages over and over and over. For a long while, I was mediocre, easily identified by my trembling muscles, by the wobbly pirouette and the leaps that made audible sounds upon landing. The practice, practice, practice was the key to learning the skill. Did I mention practice? All the while, through every practice and rehearsal I was learning the intricacies of each move. Holding my head up high as my feet and confidence hesitated.
After years, I was finally chosen for toe shoe class—a goal in dance for sure! I couldn’t wait to put on the light pink shoes with the satin ribbon and be in the group that was elevated to this status—the “badge of confidence” had been bestowed on me!
If you’ve never worn a pair of toe shoes, here is a peek at the experience: THEY HURT!!! These shoes are fitted to your foot without a centimeter to spare. Rising up on the toes created a shockingly stinging, burning pain that sometimes went straight through my spine. Again, I was looking in the mirror. None of my classmates showed any sign of pain as they stoically held their heads up with assurance and grace. I came to realize that all of us had bleeding toes that ached and throbbed. Regardless, we would all rise again on top of the toes that already had oozed with agony, over and over and over again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Push through the pain. Do it again.
Today I feel that same kind of pain—sometimes that sharp, burning pain—and learning to navigate my new business has me looking in the mirror again. Am I measuring up? I’m new in this class of entrepreneurship. I got a late start (again). The muscle that trembles is all mental, and I have wobbled through navigating the dizzying pirouettes in all of the roles I have taken on in the classroom of business, while steadying myself on the barre that I cling to: the calling to share my passion for empowering others and bring hope to the financially challenged universe. To let me be the example in the mirror. To let me count out the steps. To help my clients practice the practice of practicing. To remind them to hold their heads up high, no matter the pain.
Step by step, we build our confidence. I am raising the barre for myself, looking in the mirror, knowing that these early days of entrepreneurship are the dress rehearsal for the years to come. My confidence is on the move, growing with each step I take.
Today’s Author: Jane Helm is the Principal of Money Mentor Group. As a wealth coach, Jane combines decades of financial services experience with a degree in social work and psychology to bring positive financial change to her client’s lives. She is an Affiliate Coach with the Wholistic Woman Retreat group and co-founded the Bring Your Own Business Success networking group. Jane can be reached via email at [email protected]
by Carol deLaski | Mar 8, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging
I began playing volleyball at the age of 13 and quickly became one of the top players and team captain through middle and high school. Playing sports enhanced my innate competitive drive and I began to view winning as the only option, both on and off the court. My hatred of losing made every game an emotional roller coaster. If we did lose, I was distraught for the remainder of the day and often into the next. My identity became tied to my ability to perform and it didn’t take very long before this distorted thinking spilled over into all the other areas of my life. I pressured myself to get the best grades, be the best daughter, the best Christian, the best liked. When I met my own expectations, all was right in the world. However, failure to attain perfection led to self criticism and feelings of unworthiness. I now realize that my understanding of love and worth was connected to my performance and I felt loved when I was doing things ‘right’. When I was achieving or performing well, I thought I was more valuable and loved than when I made mistakes. I did not understand unconditional love. To me, love was very much conditional and contingent on my ability to perform.
This desire to be the best often led me into the comparison trap that drove the vicious cycle of evaluating myself against others, feeling as though I didn’t measure up, and then criticizing myself. I couldn’t be happy for someone else who was doing well because in my mind that meant I wasn’t. So, this judgment based on my interpretation of how my performance measured up to theirs often left me feeling miserable and unworthy. I was operating with a ‘scarcity mentality’ that thought life was made up of one pie and I was getting less of it if someone else got a big piece (for more on this, you can read 7 Habits of Highly Effective People). I didn’t understand that there was more than enough to go around and that one person’s success did not prohibit mine. Even more importantly, someone else’s achievements did not impact my value or worthiness.
There are many reasons we can fall into the comparison trap. Insecurity in our abilities can drive us to desire someone else’s traits. Looking at a friend’s Facebook page and judging our day to day circumstances against their ‘highlight reel’ can cause us to feel frustrated or dissatisfied with our life. I know from personal experience that when I have struggled with changing a bad habit and see someone successfully conquer it, I have gotten trapped in the cycle of comparison and self-criticism. Thoughts such as, “I’m not good enough”, or “I’ll never measure up”, or “I must be weak because I can’t do it as well” would start to creep in and derail my progress.
A paradigm shift happens when we begin to operate out of a place of security and a true sense of self-worth. When we recognize the gifts we’ve been given and embrace our strengths to fulfill our purpose, we can take the focus off what others have and put the energy into using what we have. There was a man in the Bible named Paul who wrote about this idea. He said, “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that… Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.” We each have skills, traits, and hobbies that can be used and enjoyed for a fulfilling life. There is a wonderful joy that occurs when we embrace and grow our unique gifts. This same joy also genuinely celebrates in the abundance of others.
I invite you to join me at this month’s evening retreat, Be Free, on March 29th where we will dive more deeply into the topic of comparison. We will discuss the why’s and how’s of the comparison trap and learn strategies to break free from its damaging cycle. The result will be a celebration of the true, Wholistic, beauty in each one of us.
Today’s Author: WWR Partner Coach, Liz Reihm works with women of all ages to help them create healthy lives through mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. She helps women discover their potential with both personal training as well as coaching.
For more information about Liz, you can visit her website: www.coaching4her.com; email her at [email protected]; or call (240) 397-6437 with any specific questions.
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 24, 2015 | Confidence, Courage, Laura Hall
Last week, at age 48, I stepped out of my comfort zone and onto a gymnastics mat as I participated as a gymnast in the 15th World Gymnaestrada held in Helsinki, Finland. This event is held every 4 years as a celebration of performance (non-competitive) gymnastics. I was one of 25 participants representing Skyview Gymnastics and one of 250 participants representing the United States. Over the course of 7 days, 21,000 participants from 55 different countries came together to perform over 600 hours of demonstrations and shows. For me, this event was the culmination of a years worth of practice and training. Having never been to a World Gymnaestrada before, I wasn’t sure what to expect but I knew for sure that along the way I would be stretched outside my comfort. This was both exhilarating and and frightening! 
As I look back over the year of preparation, I realize there have been several valuable life lessons that I’ve learned along the way that I’d like to share with you here.
Lesson #1 – You are never too old (or young) to try something new. The participants in our group ranged in age from 1 to 68 years old. I’ve spent years watching gymnastics, but being the one out on the floor was definitely something new to me. I’m so glad that I didn’t let my age or lack of gymnastics experience stop me from participating in this amazing event. The memories that I made in Helsinki will undoubtedly be with me for a lifetime.
Where in your life are you letting the excuse of age or lack of experience hold you back? What would it take for you to say “yes” to doing what you can do in that situation?
My gymnastics skills were far from stellar. I was constantly being reminded to point my toes and straighten my legs. My biggest skills were a cartwheel and a handstand to a forward roll. But, you know what?…I’m really proud of myself! I got out there and played full out to the best of my abilities. I did what I could and that was good enough.
Lesson #2 – Overthinking is not helpful! Prior to taking our routines overseas, we were able to perform at Skyview’s end of the year performance as well at a friends and family show right before we left. During one of these performances, I let my head get in my way. I started overthinking every move and step, and I was extremely worried that I was going to forget something important. Guess what happened!?! I forgot an entire section of the choreography.
The next time we performed this routine, I chose to approach it differently. I was mindful about reminding myself that I was prepared and that I knew the steps. I worked on staying focused on the part of the routine that I was actually performing instead of worrying about what was coming next. The outcome was exactly as I had hoped. I had fun and remembered everything I was supposed to.
Have you ever struggled with overthinking something? How did it turn out for you? What would it have taken to shift to focused thinking?
Lesson #3 – Some days are better than others, and that’s OK. This was true for both the choreography as well as the gymnastics skills. Some days my moves were spot on, and on other days not so much. I think this is true for life in general. Some mornings I wake up energized, excited, and raring to go. On other days, staying warm and cozy in my bed feels like a better option. Some days it seems like nothing can go wrong, while on other days nothing can go right. What I learned from my gymnastics experience is that it doesn’t do me any good to beat myself up on the not so good days. I had more success when I just acknowledged that this was an off day, worked on practicing what I thought might make a difference and started fresh the next time we practiced.
How do you handle challenging days?
Lesson #4 – Missteps often aren’t as big as our mind makes them out to be. This insight came to me as a result of watching video footage of our routines. I’d come off the floor thinking, “Ugh! That was horrible!” and then I’d watch the video and realize that as a whole, it didn’t look as bad as I thought. I wonder how many times this is true in other aspects of my life?
I suspect that this is probably happening pretty frequently. Unfortunately, most of the time, we don’t get to watch a video replay of our life, so how do we know whether or not we are making an accurate assessment of how we are doing?
I believe that having someone in our life who we trust to give us honest feedback, both positive and negative is extremely helpful. I also think it’s beneficial to question our own interpretations of our life situations. Are we being too hard on ourselves? Are we being too easy on ourselves? How would someone watching from the outside describe what happened?
Do you think your mind magnifies or minimizes your missteps?
Lesson #5 – I can be scared and brave at the same time. One of my favorite mantras is, “feel the fear, but do it anyway”. This World Gymnaestrada experience gave me many opportunities to feel the fear, and do it anyway. I felt the fear when I was working on my handstand to forward rolls. I felt the fear when we practiced front flips into the foam pit at the gym. I felt the fear standing backstage before our big performances. I DID IT ANYWAY! This is my definition of brave 🙂
Where in your life are you being called to do it anyway? Where is fear holding you back?
Next week, on July 29th, 2015 Wholistic Woman Retreats is having our ‘Be Courageous’ Adventure Retreat where we will zip line, leap and climb out of our comfort zones. We’d love to have you join us! Details can be found by clicking here.
Do you love your life? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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