by Carol deLaski | May 19, 2017 | Change, Guest Blogging, Personal Development
Have you ever noticed how challenging it can be to speak up and say the hard thing?
I’ve learned a lot about that recently in surprising ways. I’ve been part of the Wholistic Woman Retreat (WWR) community since the beginning and recently became an Alliance Partner in January.
Over the years, I have learned about Energy Leadership, Strengths Finders, self-care and have attended multiple WWR overnight retreats studying Brené Brown’s work. Suffice it to say that I have a recipe box chock-full of ingredients to make a great life!
Like many women in mid-life, I’ve been dealing with a lot of change. Last year, while mourning the loss of my father, I turned 50, changed jobs twice in a line of work that I had never liked, started transforming my jewelry-making hobby into a legitimate business…all while taking care of an aging pet who has separation anxiety. Talk about a recipe for emotional meltdown!
When I left my last career, I took a few months to just chill and see what I was going to do with the rest of my life. During that time, I reached out to a friend who had coached me in the past and asked about getting more involved with Wholistic Woman Retreats. I had time on my hands and I needed to feel part of something bigger and better than myself. It worked out, in a very surreal way, that my skill set was just what WWR needed at that time. I was so happy to be accepted and become a partner to this thriving organization whose mission is to help women be their best.
The timing of my becoming a WWR Alliance Partner was a little wonky because it was mid-late January and the team was in full planning mode for the annual overnight retreat in March. No matter, I was willing and able to dive in and do whatever I needed to do to help make this retreat a great success.
Oh, one thing I forgot to mention is that I am a recovering perfectionist with trust issues. I don’t like to disappoint and hate to make mistakes because my experience with former work, family and friends was…let’s just say, not pleasant.
Time flew by and the week of the retreat came up in what felt like five minutes. My over-achiever kicked in and with my new responsibilities, I started to feel anxious that I wasn’t performing up to what I thought was expected of me. I was still trying to figure out my place in the group, learn and create new processes and procedures, and understand how to communicate with the other members. I wanted to serve in the best, and most genuine, way but I felt a little lost.
I showed up at the retreat site ready to work and to make everyone happy. I jumped in and helped whomever needed me and did whatever needed to be done. My perfectionist side showed up with me and as I went along, there were little things that I judged myself as not doing right. I also thought that others judged me as not being enough. With that thinking I quickly began a downward spiral – feeling defeated and inadequate.
When I got home from the retreat, I was physically and emotionally spent. I sat and thought about everything and re-read the programs to ponder what had happened. I seriously contemplated the feelings that I had and how I was going to act upon them. I waited until we had a follow-up call with the retreat team to hear their perceptions. Once I learned what the coaches were feeling and how they had to shift between roles at the retreat, I began to understand how that led me to feel lost and left to fend for myself. Despite that insight, I still felt guilty that I didn’t figure it out on my own and that I had somehow let the team down. Have I ever told you that I’d like to add mind-reader to my list of super powers?
Fortunately, I decided to immerse myself in the strategies that were taught during the retreat. I experienced valuable interactions, and identified action steps, during the retreat that I knew would be key in processing the challenges that I now faced. I wanted to address my feelings and frustrations in an appropriate, graceful, and authentic way. I also knew that to open myself up in this way would be very uncomfortable. I was scared and really just wanted to quit and walk away. That’s how I typically would have reacted in the past when faced with hard conversations. For me, walking away is a defense mechanism to avoid my emotional pain.
But this time I didn’t walk away. I voiced my concerns to Carol, the Founder/CEO of WWR, and was ready for what I thought would be a very negative and sad outcome. I was used to having a sweet and easy relationship with Carol and I thought it would surely end here. I had made mistakes, showed that I wasn’t perfect, and assumed that I was probably a huge disappointment to them all.
Instead, I was given even more grace than I expected, showered with love and concern, and was shaken to my core in a really good way. It was one of the healthiest, positive, and constructive conversations I have ever had with anyone. It was probably one of the few times in my life that I was able to be authentic, yet not feel bad or worried during and after the conversation. I felt that I was honored for who I was and what I wanted to accomplish.
It was a wonderful outcome to a hard conversation…and it doesn’t end there.
After experiencing such a positive result from that hard conversation I felt pretty good about myself (thank you very much) and decided I had one more in me that had been hanging around for over 30 years……
I explained to Andrew, the love of my life, that I wanted to get married.
He said yes.
So we were married on May 5th.
End of this story but the beginning of many more…
Today’s Author: Terry Drankiewicz is a long time member and new alliance partner of WWR. As she considers what her next career will be, Terry recently started a new business, RAW Designs LLC, designing and creating jewelry and small art pieces from repurposed and unique items. She lives in Keedysville with her husband Andrew, and her dog, Boo Boo Kitty. You can see her jewelry and art creations on Facebook at @rawdesignsllc and can reach her at 301-730-1186 or [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Jan 11, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Change, Personal Development, Professional Development
This quote (by one of my favorite authors) reminds us to fully embrace our ‘You-ness’ and be unique.
How will you blend your special gifts, strengths, and experiences, to continue being a ‘one-of-a-kind’ person in 2017?
I find that using a theme word for the year is a helpful way to guide my growth as a unique person. I highly recommend it if you are seeking a new perspective about your work, or life overall.
The three step process outlined in the book One Word to Change Your Life tells us how to receive a word that God, the Universe (or whatever you call that which is bigger than us) intends for our growth. The process is simple, yet important to follow because this is not about picking any ole’ good word. It’s about receiving the word uniquely intended for you. The three step process works like this:
1. Look within. Set aside time to be quiet and ask yourself these powerful questions:
What do I need? Not what do I want, but what do I truly need?
What’s in my way? What’s blocking me?
What needs to go? Or, what do I need to release in order to move forward?
2. Look up. Prayerfully ask, “What do you (God or the Universe) want to do in me and through me?” Be open and pay attention for the answer. The word that surfaces may not be what you expect. In fact, your mind may reject the word provided, but if your heart and soul knows that it is your word, then go with it. Even if the word doesn’t make sense initially, try to remain open and curious to see what insights await you.
3. Look out. Live with your word for the entire year. It’s important to stick with it because there will be lessons that will be learned by applying it to everyday highs and lows.
My first word was BELIEVE and I found it very easy to identify all that I believed in…faith, love, honesty, kindness…the list went on and on. Midway through the year, however, I started to see my unbelief, those times when I felt weak, vulnerable, and insecure. It was uncomfortable to realize the person I didn’t fully believe in was me. My word helped me recognize how self-doubt limits me at times and I found the antidote in faith. When I feel weak and unable to go on, God provides the people and resources that I need. I learned that the more I look for that provision the more I see it, again and again.
The next year my word was FOUND. This word helped me identify the actions, solutions, thoughts, and approaches that work best for me, and to release those that do not. I learned how to more consistently rely on what I have found to be true. I trust my intuition more, spend less time comparing myself to others and feeling lost. I know where the source of my inner strength lies and encourage others to find their own resilience through strengths coaching and my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. FOUND was a very relevant word for me in 2014.
In 2015 my word was HEAR. Initially I thought this word was a bit odd and uninspiring. Nonetheless, I went with it and learned to pay attention to the messages that I allow myself to hear from others…and from my own self-talk. I started to consciously block harmful or negative messages and tried to open my ears to listen for positive and/or divine messages. Interestingly, I heard many of those messages from family, friends, clients, and other people who may or may not have known they were a conduit…giving me exactly what I needed to hear on any given day.
In 2016 my word has been ASK. I’m a recovering independent woman who is learning the value of being interdependent. I have a tendency to ‘just do it myself.’ It’s hard for me to ask for what I need. My word has reminded me to practice asking a lot this year. I’ve learned important lessons not only about asking but also about waiting patiently and receiving.
After spending an entire year with each of my words I find that they become a part of me. The habit of using them to gain perspective and a sense of direction continues long after the year is over. Each word has helped me grow wiser and more self-aware.
As 2017 begins, I’m going through the process to discover a new theme word and I invite you to join me.
You can learn more about the One Word Process in the book One Word to Change Your Life by Gordon, Britton, and Page. Once you’ve received your Word, be sure to share it with others to form a support or stretch team that will help you stay on track throughout the year.
Would you like to be part of my Stretch Team?
If so, I warmly invite you to join the Wholistic Woman ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat on January 25th from 5:30-7:30 pm when we will kickoff the 2017 Evening Retreat Series. During this Launch Party you will learn about the One Word process and hear inspiring stories of it’s impact on other individuals. If you have a Word for 2017 be sure to bring it with you…or bring whatever words you may be considering…or just come and learn more about the process.
During the Launch Party you will learn about the evening retreat line-up for 2017. We hope you will join us for all 9 of these evening retreats to learn, grow personally and professionally and to stay connected with your One Word Stretch Team throughout the year. If you can make it to a lot of the evening retreats we suggest that you become a member to receive discounts on every event. Click here to learn more and become a member.
Most importantly, in this community of women-on-the-grow know that you are accepted for who you are while at the same time provided with tools and strategies to be more fully you! We believe that we are each unique and a wonderful work-in-progress. The Wholistic Coaches and I are honored to support you in becoming your best in this fresh new year full of limitless possibilities.
As Oscar Wilde said, “Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.”
May this be a great year to Be You!
Warmly, Carol
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author and strengths-based coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Apr 6, 2016 | Change, Family, Kelye Rouse-Brown, Personal Development, Professional Development, Retreats
Today I feel a sense of fulfillment from completing a trip that I have longed to take over the past few years. I called it my Roots to Boots tour because my family roots are in Oklahoma and I needed my brave boots from Texas to make this particular journey.
Designing the trip was fun, yet filled with uncertainty because I didn’t know how it would unfold. I can’t remember the last time I took two whole weeks off to spend time with my mom’s family members that I haven’t seen in over a decade (and probably only ten times in my entire life).
As I planned the trip, some of the questions I asked myself were:
Will my mom’s side of the family remember me…and embrace this trip as I do?
What surprises will I encounter to make this trip more challenging or complete?
I’m happy to say that these questions were answered positively and that I experienced some pleasant surprises. This trip was bittersweet as I celebrated both the successful three year anniversary of my Texas joint venture and the anniversary of my mom’s passing.
After reflecting on this much anticipated journey, I can truthfully say that I am happier than I was three years ago. I am happier because….
- I’m celebrating a successful business milestone with greater opportunities on the horizon
- I have reconnected with my family in Oklahoma, closing a lengthy ten year gap.
- I brought my mom’s ashes back to her roots, where she started her life and felt complete
- My husband and I made this journey, and celebrated this labor of love, together.
Recognizing and embracing the process of becoming happier is a wonderful, and joyful, benefit of this Roots to Boots trip. Planning this adventure made me uncomfortable at times. However, I realized that I needed to be courageous, and step out into the world, to bring a deeper level of peace and healing into my life. The timing seemed perfect. In hindsight, I see that I not only boosted myself with this trip but (according to my husband) I also boosted my extended family by traveling back to our roots.
I truly believe that happiness boosters are important in life.
What boosts your happiness?
What happiness boosters are you willing to explore to bring needed closure and peace to your life?
Remember that becoming happier is a lifelong pursuit. I encourage you to discover ways to rejuvenate yourself to feel happier.
Do you want to learn more about becoming happier?
Ladies, you’re invited to the Be Happier Evening Retreat where I will be teaching techniques from the book Happier by Tal Ben-Shahar on April 27 at Jo Jo’s Restaurant from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for details and to register and reserve your spot. Make a friend happier and invite her to join you!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 8, 2016 | Change, Guest Blogging
To resolve or not to resolve – that is often the question at this time of year. Many of us make New Year’s Resolutions because we know there are things we want, or need, to start or stop doing and this is our opportunity to try and make those changes. There are also many of us that recognize we are not actually going to follow through on our resolutions, or don’t like the idea of once-a-year resolutions, so we don’t make them. Or perhaps we realize that we are constantly growing and changing, and that the New Year is simply a time to recognize the growth we’ve accomplished and to look forward to the possibilities in the upcoming year.
One of my favorite things to do at the beginning of each year is to use the Annual Review and Planning Guide that I received from Coach Carol deLaski a few years ago. The guide is a series of questions that encourage me to look back on the past year to “savor the blessings and evaluate how the year went”. Then, it asks me to look towards the upcoming year to “envision the year ahead” which allows me to set intentions for who I want to be and what I want to accomplish. This important annual review process is a form of re-awakening for me – a special time when I can recognize how much I have changed and grown in a year, and to ask – and answer – some tough questions about what I’ve done and who I’ve been, and to look towards the upcoming year to see what I want to do and who I want to be.
This is my third year doing this process, and reading back over the past few years, I discovered something that I already sub-consciously knew, but didn’t have the evidence to back up before – every year, there are a few of the exact same items that keep showing up on the list of what I want to change in the upcoming year, but I have yet to make those adjustments. So I have to ask myself – do I really want to change these things, or do I just say that I do and hide behind excuses as to why it doesn’t happen?
That’s a tough question for me. There are so many areas of my life that are wonderful and moving forward in the direction I want – my grown kids are all independent and doing well; my husband and I are creating the life we want; I sold a business that had become burdensome; and I’m making plans to travel – a lot – in the upcoming years. But there are two areas that I consistently say I need to change – one is my health and the other is initiating contact with people – which I don’t follow through on. I notice that I allow those two unmet goals to overshadow the forward movement I make in everything else.
For 2016, one of my intentions is to come to terms with those two goals. If I honestly feel that the goal is an area that I want to focus on, then I need to set the intention and create a plan to move towards that goal. However, if it is on my list simply because it’s been there in the past but didn’t get done, I need to take an honest look as to whether or not it should still be on the list, and make decisions accordingly. It may need to come off the list, or it may need to be re-evaluated and my expectations changed.
I encourage each and every one of you to reflect on this past year and to envision the upcoming one. If you do, there are a few ideas that may help:
- Give yourself the gift of time. It may take several days or a week. In any case, be sure that the time is spent in peace and quiet, without other interruptions.
- Be honest with yourself, but be kind. If you find yourself focusing on the negatives of last year rather than the positives, think about how you would encourage a friend that was feeling that way.
- Consider the goals for the upcoming year as intentions. This allows you to take into consideration where to start, rather than how to finish. Think about the commitments you’re willing to make in order to move forward.
- Decide how you want to remember these goals/intentions. Whether it is a vision board, an accountability partner, or another source, it is important to keep the vision in front of you throughout the year.
I hope that you are able to take some time – both now and throughout the year – to recognize your accomplishments and steps you have made to move forward. I look forward to seeing and interacting with the Wholistic Woman Community in the upcoming year as we grow and become even more intentional about how we live our life.
Karen Smith Racicot is an Affiliate Coach with the Wholistic Coaching Coalition and owner of E3Coaching. She has also worked in the accounting field for over 25 years. She is passionate about helping women organize their financial paperwork so that they are able to navigate life’s inevitable challenges and helps turn them into opportunities. She can be reached at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 14, 2015 | Change, Guest Blogging
Have you ever wondered how to be more resilient?
Is resilience something that people are born with or something that develops throughout a lifetime?
Many scientists believe the truth lies someplace in-between. For myself, resilience is something I have had for as long as I can remember, even as a child. I was born into a family that required me to be strong, persevere, and to move forward – if I hadn’t, I would not be where I am today.
When I was 21 years old, my life took an unexpected turn when I lost my beloved brother, John, to suicide. John was the one person I always said I could not live without. The thought of anything happening to him would bring me to tears. He was my best friend. John was the most loving, caring, warm, giving, selfless individual I have known. All he ever wanted was to find and give love – to make everyone else happy. I feel lucky to have had him as a brother, if only for 18 years.
It is hard for me to believe it has been nearly 14 years since I lost John. I thought my life would end with his death, but it didn’t. I am still living and he is still with me and guides me. As I look back over these years I see pain and loss…but I also see healing and hope. I know John is proud of me and although I do not “hear” his voice, I see signs showing me what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Signs that guided me to ultimately use the gifts God gave me as a child to make meaning out of John’s life and to help others.
From the time I was little I loved to write. In fact, I wanted to be a writer or a journalist when I grew up. I majored in Technical Writing as an undergraduate at James Madison University and considered getting my Master’s degree in Journalism. Ironically enough, that path wasn’t meant for me and after many career changes, I found myself as a consultant, specializing in training and development. However, I now see that I was given the gift to write in order to share my story… a story I never thought I would be blessed to share. A story of life, love, loss, and resilience.
After John’s death I looked for resources to help me deal with my grief and found few books that spoke to the sibling perspective of suicide loss. I wanted so desperately to be able to relate to someone, to understand what had happened to John. I knew immediately that I had to write a book to help fill the void and to make meaning out of John’s death. I had the outline for it within a year, but it took me ten years to complete it. I decided to self-publish so I could get my story out there as soon as I was ready. My goal has never been to make money – simply to help others. If even one person is helped by John’s story, then I believe his life was not in vain.
To me, this is resilience. Taking a tragedy, or any less-than-ideal circumstance, and making meaning out of it. Finding a purpose, or embracing a different direction – even when life takes you down a path you do not expect. Fortunately, my resilient nature helped me move forward in the face of adversity, however, there were times when I was faced with hurdles that took me down and challenged me to get back up again.
How can you cultivate your resilience?
- Be flexible. Life rarely goes as planned. The more you can embrace the twists and turns it throws at you, the more resilient you will become.
- Be positive. For almost every tragedy in life, there is something to be learned from it. By keeping a positive attitude, you will increase your propensity toward resilience.
- Be kind and gentle with yourself. It is okay to question your purpose, to doubt yourself, and even to give up for a little while, if that’s what you need to do. In the end, ask yourself this – is something bigger than you calling you to a greater cause? If the answer is yes, you won’t be able to walk away from your desires for long.
There is, and always will be, an irreplaceable emptiness where my brother once was. I think about the life he will not fulfill and selfishly, the life I have that he is no longer a part of. I know many survivors of suicide feel this way. Nevertheless, I am still grateful for the life I have and can live – not only for myself, but also for him. This is what keeps me going – what fuels my resilience.
Today’s author: Magdaline DeSousa is the author of The Forgotten Mourners: Sibling Survivors of Suicide, which is available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or through Outskirts Press. She lives and works in the DC Metro area. Magdaline can be reached via email at [email protected] or on her Facebook Page: https://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.facebook.com/theforgottenmourners.
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 28, 2015 | Change, Donna Kettell, Personal Development, Professional Development
4 Steps to Help You Bring Your Vision to Reality
Have you ever wanted something in your life yet didn’t know how to begin to bring it into reality? Most likely, each day, there is something that we each would like to change or enhance about our lives. Whether we desire a much needed career change, a more satisfying significant relationship, a physical body that is pounds lighter and toned, or perhaps it’s a more balanced life with more joy and less stress! Whatever it might be, I have found that a personal visualization practice can help to manifest what you desire in your life.
I have made visualization a daily intention and have incorporated it into my coaching practice as a significant way to help others get focused on what they really want in their lives and, then bring those things into realization. It can definitely be a practice that works hand in hand with meditation, prayer and a positive outlook.
You may have heard the term visualization before but are wondering, what exactly is visualization? It’s a powerful tool that allows you to use your imagination to create a clear focused image of what you want in your life. And then, by focusing on it often, and sincerely believing in it, you will be able to manifest those things in life.
Let’s talk about some of the key steps of visualization.
First, relax to ensure the most effective visualization.
Quiet your mind from thinking about your to do list for a little bit. Do some deep breathing and relax your whole body. Research has shown that when we relax, our brain wave pattern changes from beta level to alpha level. The alpha level is found to be more effective in creating change through the visualization process.
Second, use your imagination to create a vivid picture of what you want in your life.
What does that look like? Picture yourself with your goal realized, as if it is really happening. How does it make you feel when you think about having that in your life? Create as many details as possible about it – use all of your senses – how does it look, sound, smell, feel, etc.
Third, focus on the picture you have created regularly, believing in your visualization.
When you first wake up and right before you go to sleep tend to be very productive times to visualize because you are in a more relaxed state then. However, you can do it as often as you like throughout the day.
Fourth, create positive statements, called affirmations, to shift any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back from realizing what you want in your life.
Affirmations work best when they are positive, concise and stated in the present tense.
A few examples of affirmations are, “I am joyful and balanced and can have all I want in my life”. “I am healthy and fit”. “I live a happy exciting life!”
Affirmations will help you to shift your doubts, fears and worry and get in a more powerful positive mindset. They allow you to focus on thoughts that support your vision rather than focusing on the reasons that you might have thought you could not create what you wanted to bring into your life.
Visualizing positive outcomes and picturing them as if they are currently happening is really empowering and has given me and my coaching clients the ability to embrace challenges in a more positive light. And, by being intentional in creating daily positive affirmations, I have seen my energy level for working through challenging situations increase and my ability to be successful in reaching goals strengthened. At times, I am still amazed at how much more easily things fall into place when I use visualization. The practice of visualization can quickly shift my mindset and then change the way I approach the things I set out to do each day. I am excited about the energy shift that visualization provides. When you feel energized with a positive outlook, you can accomplish amazing things every single day.
As you can probably tell, I have a true passion for this topic because it has brought wonderful things into my life seemingly effortlessly. I would love to share my experiences and provide you with some easy yet powerful tools to bring a daily visualization practice into your own life!
If you are ready to bring the things that you most desire into your life now, I am offering a workshop series beginning October 26th. For details on the workshop visit: http://visualizationtorealization.gr8.com/
If you have any questions about the workshop series, this blog, or other coaching opportunities, I would welcome the opportunity to talk with you! Please feel free to reach out to me directly —
Donna Kettell, Certified Professional Coach
Wholistic Woman Retreats, Affiliate Coach
Founder, Kettell Coaching [email protected]
410 978 3492
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