by Carol deLaski | May 5, 2017 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Self-Care
I am turning fifty in May. What’s the big deal? So are dozens of my close friends, thank god. Well, it is a big deal for us. We ponder what this next decade and life are going to look like for us.
My spring tour includes the following 10 destinations for sure:
Daytona, Boston, Newport RI, Sedona, Santé Fe, Chicago, Houston, Texas Hill Country, Jamaica, and San Diego
What are your favorite places to travel?
Most of you that are close to me know I travel for business and my business is in airports, namely Dallas Fort Worth Airport. But the cities on my Frolicking Fifty list have very little to do with business travel. In fact, only two cities have business conferences that will turn into days of frolicking.
Joanne, Lileigh, Sabrina, Steve, David and Kelye in Daytona Beach
In April, I visited Daytona Beach, Florida to celebrate one of my oldest best friends turning 50, Joanne. We go back to the 4th grade, so we have known each other for 40 years! Growing up, her family invited me on many trips, like Daytona (where we just were), and Arizona where I fell in love with Sedona. When I reflect on those four decades together, we were in and out of each other’s lives because we only went to elementary school together for two years. We were in different middle schools, high schools, and colleges. But we were each other’s maid of honor and I am the godparent of her daughter, Lileigh. We also consider her youngest daughter, Sabrina, as my godchild. Joanne and I think that in some cosmic way, she is a part of me, not just in looks but personality too. Our life is such an amazing love story.
What’s your favorite old friend love story?
Godchild Stephanie
In early May, I head to Boston and Newport, RI with my niece/godchild, Brittany, my sister-in-law, Robin and oldest friend Susie. I love that my niece wants to spend time with her aunt/godmother. We are going to an Orioles/Red Sox game at Fenway ballpark. We will surely be “hitting” some fun pubs and making more travel memories together. After Boston with family, Susie (kindergarten and up) is picking me up and we are heading to Newport to celebrate both of our fiftieth birthdays. When we were growing up, Susie and her family adopted me as well on family trips, mostly camping. My husband Steve and I are the godparents to Susie’s daughter, Stephanie.
In the middle of May will be plenty of local celebrating with family and friends nearby. Carol, founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats, is putting together a fun patio party downtown Frederick – celebrating is a key component of our community and we do it so well!
At the end of May, I head to Sedona and Santé Fe, where I will be turning and celebrating my 50th birthday with my husband, Joanne, and family. Steve is taking me to my favorite destination, Sedona, for a few days where I always get and feel centered. It’s the vortexes, I am telling you, and maybe a spa treatment! Then we drive to Santé Fe for Lileigh’s graduation and may head to Colorado for Memorial Day weekend. Sabrina and I will celebrate our birthdays together, as she is turning 16 the day after me, my mini-me cosmic daughter. Who knows, some frolicking might even include a hot air balloon ride. We are still mapping out our adventure for the big milestone weekend.
Debbie Hill frolicking in Texas Hill Country
What are your favorite adventures?
The frolicking tour continues as we head to Chicago in early June. This time it’s a U2 concert, on my bucket list for sure by age fifty, and I will be FIFTY! Joanne bought me tickets for my birthday, so we are meeting up for more play time. Later in June and July, I head to Houston for an airport conference and then off to Texas Hill Country. Red wine will certainly be involved. Texas Hill Country wine region is making a pretty big statement. Of course, everything in Texas is big! It’s not just the wine, it’s the rolling hills – combine that with Debbie Hill and you are packed with fun.
What’s on your life bucket list?
The finale of my frolicking days for the sake of my fiftieth celebration will be in Jamaica and San Diego with my best college girlfriends and more time with my best girl Jenny! All my college roommates, including Natalie, Christy and Erin and close sorority sisters like Barb and Jenn will be in Jamaica. It doesn’t get better than that, yeah man! California dreaming will be the last stop with a hospitality conference in San Diego and off to finish with best friends Jenn and Todd in Orange County California, where they live. We are entertaining enough for each other, so anything else that happens will just be extra in our world. We are such a compatible travel team, as we have been to Jamaica, Mexico, Italy, Austria, and Germany, to name a few places. It just makes sense to wrap up this fiftieth celebration with our peas in a pod.
Who are your peas in a pod?
Celebrating with my godchildren, oldest friends, college friends, family, and husband is such a blessing – I truly value growing from my roots. I have heard the fifties are the best and I already see that frolicking into my fifties will be the BEST of friends, family, beaches, ballgames, milestone celebrations, red rocks, red wine, rolling hills, spas, concerts, and best of all, travel – my take away in life is TRAVEL OFTEN! We are always traveling and on a path – fifty feels a little like a fork in the road. What I know is, traveling is better when frolicking with family and friends, no matter what age you are. I thank everyone that makes this a happy, lifelong adventure, including my mom, who I know is always with me for the ride.
What do you look forward to celebrating in your life?
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 28, 2017 | Carol deLaski, Retreats
What does it feel like when your life is in balance?
Does it energize you, leave you feeling relaxed, or is there some other quality that best describes it for you?
More importantly, how do you know when you’ve achieved that elusive equilibrium that we refer to as balance?
I’ve noticed that balance often looks, and feels, different for each of us. What’s great for me may be overwhelming for another. What’s optimal for you may be boring to someone else. What makes us feel balanced is unique to each of us. Only you know what components are necessary for your well-being.
Some of the needed ingredients could be time outdoors, quality time with loved ones, solitude, or time for spiritual renewal. Others may need time with a support group, exercise, good nutrition, music, creative expression…this list could go on and on. Knowing what makes up your personal access code for balance will enable you to achieve it more often.
Our bodies can provide abundant information about how we’re doing by sending us warning signals when we’re out of balance, as well as calming reassurance when we are in a healthy zone.
Many of us experience negative physical symptoms when we are on overload: backaches, headaches, digestive troubles, and sleeplessness are examples of red flags that warn us when we are not taking good care of ourselves. These indicators of stress are signals to slow down, rest, practice self-care, and restore well-being to our lives.
Our bodies also send signals when we are in a positive state of balance. When I’m experiencing a high sense of well-being I notice that I often smile to myself as I go about my daily activities. I appreciate my surroundings and the people I encounter more. I release the striving that often appears when I’m out of balance and gratefully receive what each day brings.
When we begin to pay more attention to our well-being we notice what it feels like to be in, or out, of balance. We learn our own personal warning signals that can indicate when we are getting off track. This is helpful on a daily and weekly basis, but also on a larger scale as well.
As I look back on the past year, I can see that I have had a series of activities that have thrown my balance off kilter. The love of my life moved in with me one year ago and we became engaged on Christmas Eve. That would have been a big adjustment in and of itself, but layered on top of that were a number of family support roles that I chose to take on.
I overextended myself and my physical, emotional, and mental health was impacted by doing too much. An upswing in my business coincided with these changes and even though almost everything was good, I still found myself stressed to do it all…and be it all. Eventually, something had to give, and my warning signals of exhaustion, sickness, irritability, and depression got my attention.
I started pulling back, taking much needed downtime, and making conscious choices that would refill my own tank. I leaned on the tools and strategies that we practice in the Wholistic Woman Community. I sought to understand how my strengths had drifted to the dark side and weren’t bringing the results I wanted. I looked at my energy levels and saw that I had dropped into a lot of caregiver (level 4) energy and started working my way back to level 5, win-win energy. I used my One Word for this year, Joy, as a lens to examine how some activities brought me deep happiness and others did not. Regularly applying all of these strategies helped to get me back on track and restored my optimal balance.
I believe that life is a learning process and that I know how to better recognize my overdoing it…simply because I have over-done it…yet again! With practice, I remember how to find my way back when I get off track, using the tools that have proven helpful over and over again. As I wrote about in my book, Lost and Found…life can be a series of experiences where I lose my way…and find my way again. I’m encouraged to see that I continue to discover, learn, and evolve through the experiences of each year.
The key to finding my way is asking what I need more of, and what I need less of, in order to achieve the balance that is right for me. I ask myself what I need on a daily (and sometimes hourly) basis to make healthy choices. It’s not a perfect system. Some days I can’t get what I need, but with self-awareness I can make sure that I get it in the next day or two in order to maintain a weekly, monthly, and yearly sense of balance.
In the Wholistic Woman community we focus on developing our body, heart, mind, and spirit in the life-long process of integrating all parts to become whole. At the May Evening Retreat, Be Balanced, I will lead women through a short self-assessment to identify how satisfied they are with their well-being in these four areas of heart, mind, body, spirit.
We will discuss strategies and tools to improve our satisfaction in each area. Women will leave with actionable steps to lead a more balanced life. I invite you to join us for this interactive and lively discussion to find your optimal balance. Click here to learn more and register for the Be Balanced Evening Retreat.
Today’s Author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an executive coach, founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats, and author of Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. Learn more about her coaching and training services at www.caroldelaski.com or email her at: [email protected].
by Carol deLaski | Apr 21, 2017 | Confidence, Guest Blogging, Jane Helm
Confidence is a work in practice—after all, practice makes perfect, right? As a new entrepreneur I am working on my confidence every day. Having taken the leap into a world of self-reliance and exercising my new muscles of courage, I find myself building confidence in the same way I have done during earlier challenges I have faced.
One pivotal lesson I learned in building confidence was when I started taking ballet. By all standards, I had started late in life. I was twelve. Most of the girls in my class had started much younger, some at three years old. I had taken modern dance, where dancers are allowed to not have their shoulders pushed down, and toes didn’t have to be perfectly pointed. Where I could lift my leg as high as I wanted AND lift my hip too! I found myself in a world where total body control was expected, and realized quickly that this expectation of precision and conformity would be a daunting undertaking. In the mirrors, I watched my peers move with their bodies in perfect alignment, with their hands shaped identically in a dainty half-grasp. They held their heads high (and lifted their legs without any hip movement at all!). Those mirrors. I was always looking in those mirrors! Observing others and myself—would I ever measure up? I was amazed and intimidated. The peer pressure in ballet is fierce and when combined with a stern Czech teacher, counting out each step, pointing out every mistake, I was overwhelmed. I wondered if the reflection in the mirror would ever ever provide a glimpse of hope. Would I ever be able to let go of the barre that was steadying me? There were so many times I considered quitting. But I didn’t. I kept practicing and practicing.
Repetition was the teacher. Every class was the same routine—plies, releves, and adages over and over and over. For a long while, I was mediocre, easily identified by my trembling muscles, by the wobbly pirouette and the leaps that made audible sounds upon landing. The practice, practice, practice was the key to learning the skill. Did I mention practice? All the while, through every practice and rehearsal I was learning the intricacies of each move. Holding my head up high as my feet and confidence hesitated.
After years, I was finally chosen for toe shoe class—a goal in dance for sure! I couldn’t wait to put on the light pink shoes with the satin ribbon and be in the group that was elevated to this status—the “badge of confidence” had been bestowed on me!
If you’ve never worn a pair of toe shoes, here is a peek at the experience: THEY HURT!!! These shoes are fitted to your foot without a centimeter to spare. Rising up on the toes created a shockingly stinging, burning pain that sometimes went straight through my spine. Again, I was looking in the mirror. None of my classmates showed any sign of pain as they stoically held their heads up with assurance and grace. I came to realize that all of us had bleeding toes that ached and throbbed. Regardless, we would all rise again on top of the toes that already had oozed with agony, over and over and over again. Practice. Practice. Practice. Push through the pain. Do it again.
Today I feel that same kind of pain—sometimes that sharp, burning pain—and learning to navigate my new business has me looking in the mirror again. Am I measuring up? I’m new in this class of entrepreneurship. I got a late start (again). The muscle that trembles is all mental, and I have wobbled through navigating the dizzying pirouettes in all of the roles I have taken on in the classroom of business, while steadying myself on the barre that I cling to: the calling to share my passion for empowering others and bring hope to the financially challenged universe. To let me be the example in the mirror. To let me count out the steps. To help my clients practice the practice of practicing. To remind them to hold their heads up high, no matter the pain.
Step by step, we build our confidence. I am raising the barre for myself, looking in the mirror, knowing that these early days of entrepreneurship are the dress rehearsal for the years to come. My confidence is on the move, growing with each step I take.
Today’s Author: Jane Helm is the Principal of Money Mentor Group. As a wealth coach, Jane combines decades of financial services experience with a degree in social work and psychology to bring positive financial change to her client’s lives. She is an Affiliate Coach with the Wholistic Woman Retreat group and co-founded the Bring Your Own Business Success networking group. Jane can be reached via email at [email protected]
by Carol deLaski | Apr 14, 2017 | Laura Hall
“We teach best what we most need to learn.” ~ Richard Bach, Illusions:The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah
I am getting ready to facilitate a workshop on boundaries at the end of this month for Wholistic Woman Retreats. I became interested in leading this topic after 2016’s overnight retreat, which was based on the book “Rising Strong” by Dr. Brené Brown. During that retreat we did a very small segment on boundaries, and afterward one of our participants asked me if I’d consider expanding that topic. That was when the idea for ‘Be Clear’, my mini-retreat on boundaries, was born.
What the research shows is that boundaries and compassion go hand in hand. People who have clear boundaries ask for what they need. They say no when they need to, and when they say yes, they mean it. Their clear boundaries keep them out of resentment and as a result they tend to be more compassionate people. I believe the world could use more compassion and less resentment and if having clearer boundaries is the way then I’m all in!
Recently, I was talking to a close friend who is recovering from a major surgery. She started telling me a story about how the pastor of her church came to visit her and stayed for the entire afternoon…much longer than my friend would have liked. While she enjoyed the visit, the duration was too long and left her completely exhausted. When I asked my friend why she didn’t feel comfortable asking her pastor to leave so she could take a nap, her response was, “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings”.
I don’t know about you, but I can definitely relate to my friends experience. I too have found myself in similar situations where I didn’t feel comfortable asking for what I needed or setting a clear boundary. Why is this?!?
Is it because, like my friend, we don’t want to make the other person feel uncomfortable?
Is it because we were never taught or never got to practice how to define limits?
Is it because we don’t want to be perceived a certain way…rude, rigid, selfish, etc?
If you too aren’t as clear on your boundaries as you’d like to be, what do you think contributes to your struggle?
During ‘Be Clear’ we will be defining healthy boundaries as well as looking at the things that get in the way to our setting them. You will be asked to think of an area in your life where having clearer boundaries would be helpful and you will walk away with at least one action step that you can put implement in that area.
Setting healthy boundaries and attaching appropriate consequences takes practice. If you’d like to be clearer in your life, then please consider this your personal invitation to join me and the Wholistic Woman Retreats community on April 26. You can click here for more details.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
by Carol deLaski | Feb 26, 2017 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Personal Development, Professional Development
It’s so nice to score 100%, and is a great target to aim for. When growing up, we focused on good grades. In relationships, we want to give 100%, and in business we want to be profitable so we can live a full and rich life. We want success and success means different things to different people. In my life and business, I use the acronym SCORE to reach higher levels and aim for 100%, which stands for:
S – Smile, C – Care, O – Offer more, R – Reliability, E – Empowerment
S – SMILE – When we smile we feel good and it lifts our mood. It is an immediate way to connect with others in a positive way. It’s a gesture that can take you to a new level. Smiling is a booster for everyone—it’s contagious and a good thing to catch. It’s been said that a frown actually uses more muscles than a smile. When do you smile the most? What are the benefits of smiling in your workplace?
C – CARE – My business is to serve others, and to do it in a caring, hospitable way. It feels good to take care of people’s needs. Of course, this rolls over into my personal life, which feels natural. To really care and have a heart-centered approach will strengthen all relationships. It’s been said in the business world that heart-centered leadership is about a deeper kind of power, a spiritual power. “It’s not about how the job gets done, it’s how the leader can best serve his or her associates,” said Susan Steinbrecher, author of Heart-Centered Leadership, An Invitation to Lead from the Inside Out.
O – OFFER MORE – I believe there are always opportunities to do more. I have Maximizer as a strength and this talent shows up for me here. I like to offer more to make sure there is comfort all around. In business, I usually say “What else can I do to make you more comfortable?” or “Can I offer something else?” Recently I found myself saying to one of my oldest friends and her daughter flying in, “What comforts can I provide while you are here for your stay?” She was delighted and it was small, just pretzels. Maximizer and offering more is taking the event from good to great or great to excellent or excellent to outstanding—well, more often than not, poor to good. There are many solutions all around us and stretching ourselves to offer more personally and professionally helps us win and achieve more.
R – RELIABILITY – Every minute counts is a motto used with my team when we are meeting travelers in the airport that are between flights. Reliability and showing up on time or being dependable are very important ways to build trust. Sometimes one minute can mean the difference in someone missing their plane, a phone call, or the school bus. One minute can impact your whole day.
E – EMPOWERMENT – Feeling in control and in charge of your life or work is an important charge. I think about Dr. Brené Brown’s work from her book Daring Greatly when she says living BIG is about setting boundaries, integrity, and having generous assumptions. When you pause and realize that you, only you, can control your destiny and be empowered to do what’s right and live with integrity, it’s very empowering. In business, my team knows that they are empowered to do the right thing. At the end of the day, feeling free of problems and looking at situations as opportunities to serve others starts with you.
Come join us at our next retreat called Wholehearted Living based on the Gifts of Imperfection, by Dr. Brené Brown. Maybe it’s time to let go of being 100%. SCORE yourself a weekend to smile more, focus on self-care, offer more to yourself, make a reliable choice to honor your time, and be empowered to be YOU!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach, and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate help her clients develop, spark action, and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 20, 2017 | Laura Hall, Retreats
It’s Saturday morning. I am the only one awake in my house and I’m so grateful to have this quiet time to sit down and get the thoughts swirling around in my head down on paper.
I am a big believer in journaling. I started this practice about eight years ago when I was experiencing some anxiety issues. Even though I’m a reluctant writer, I found it extremely liberating to take the time to get the inner rumblings of my mind and soul out where I could look at them with self-compassion and a level of objectivity. It saved me and if you haven’t tried journaling, I highly recommend it, especially during times when life feels overwhelming.
I’ve had an overwhelming week! At home, we are about two weeks away from putting our house on the market and the to-do list feels endless. At work (if you didn’t already know this about me, about a year ago I began working at my husband’s office as his dental assistant), our office manager is out on a two-week vacation and juggling both her responsibilities as well as my own has left me feeling frazzled! And the Wholistic Woman Retreats is busy creating the programming for our upcoming retreat and there is a lot to do when you put on an event like this. The cumulative effect of everything that is going on in my life right now has left me feeling overwhelmed at times.
Yesterday, I had a planning meeting with the two other founding coaches of Wholistic Woman Retreats to work on our Wholehearted Living Retreat. On the way to the meeting, my mind was telling me how unprepared I was for the meeting and how I wasn’t carrying my weight. But because I am a coach and I practice what I teach, I started questioning these thoughts and worked on practicing self-compassion and talking to myself like I would talk to my best friend instead.
As we gathered, we did a check in with one another based on the question, ‘Where are you right now in mind, body, and heart?’. As I was checking in, the tears just started flowing. The emotional stress of the last week came spilling out and I realized that the reason I was crying was because I felt safe and loved and comfortable enough to be completely vulnerable with my two friends.
If you know Kelye and Carol, then you can probably guess how they responded to my tears…they wrapped me in a group hug, told me I was enough, and offered me grace and love. It was in that moment that I realized what quality friends they were. There was no judgement, no “What were you thinking, listing your home so close to our retreat?” and no trying to fix it for me. There was just compassion, warmth, and love.
Today I am counting my blessings! I am surrounded by wonderful, supportive, nurturing friends who accept me where I am at any given moment. I have quality friends!
Quality friends can sometimes feel hard to come by, but not here at Wholistic Woman Retreats. We are growing a community of quality women through our monthly and special retreats. If you could use some more quality friends in your life, then please join us at our February event, which we are calling “Be Connected”. It is your opportunity to really get to know some quality women in a fun, creative kind of way. We’ve designed it to be similar to a speed dating kind of event, so over the course of the evening you will get to meet and get to know better a variety of women. One of them may just turn out to be one of your quality friends!
For more information on this event, click here. Hope to see you there!
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website: HallCoaching.com
