by Carol deLaski | May 29, 2015 | Donna Kettell
Wholistic Woman Retreats (WWR) is a community of women who are interested in personal and professional growth. WWR is run and led by a team of mid-atlantic area professional coaches who provide skillful leadership aimed at teaching and guiding women to greater fulfillment through retreats, workshops, and speaking engagements. WWR has recently added an affiliate coach program to what they have to offer. This program is designed to support professional coaches who want to be part of a supportive, nurturing team. It is also designed to be a place where the woman looking to work with a professional coach can go to find the one that will best fit her needs.
Today we want to introduce you to Donna Kettell. What follows is a question and answer dialog with Donna to help you understand who she is and how she came to partner with us at Wholistic Woman Retreats.
Tell us about yourself…..
I have been blessed with several wonderful roles in my life – mom, daughter, friend, colleague, human resources professional, spiritual seeker, personal growth advocate and coach! All of my roles have shaped who I am today. Like you, I have had challenges throughout my life. However, I choose to be resilient and confident that life is good, and can be extraordinary if I am deeply connected to my faith, and the people and things that bring me meaning and joy! This summer, my son will be 21. The role of mom has been one of my greatest joys, and at times the hardest role I have ever had. My amazing son has grown into someone very special – he is smart and funny and passionate about life and is the kind of person that I would choose as a friend, even if I was not his mom- how much more could I ask for?! I have been a single mom for many years and know the challenges of that and also the rewards. Professionally, I have been a human resources manager for over 25 years. I have focused on employee relations and conflict resolution – skills that I have easily transferred to my coaching career. My friends and colleagues tell me that I am a thoughtful and compassionate listener, and that I challenge them with the right questions and support them with enthusiasm and encouragement. I have also been told that I have an authentic, positive approach and a good sense of humor, even on the most trying days. I became a coach to make a positive and meaningful impact on others’ lives. I have experienced that as a human resources professional in a corporate setting however, I wanted to impact people on a more personal level through coaching. I have grown from working with my own coaches over the years, and I want to be there for others in that same way. I find great joy in partnering with people to assist them create their most exciting, abundant lives.
Why did you decide to become an affiliate coach with Wholistic Woman Retreats?
I became an affiliate coach with Wholistic Woman Retreats because I knew without a doubt that it was the right place for me to be! I had met Carol deLaski in late 2013 and immediately felt a connection with Carol as someone with whom my spirit resonated. I shared with Carol that I reached out to her because after over 25 years in the human resources profession, I had decided to use the skills I had honed over the years in my professional life to focus on being a coach. Carol suggested that I contact iPEC (Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching), which is the training program that had certified her years before. I completed the six month training program through iPEC in 2014 and became a certified professional coach (CPC) and a master practitioner in energy leadership (ELI-MP). Shortly after my certification, I heard that Wholistic Woman Retreats was looking for affiliate coaches and I knew that this was a community of women that I could add value to as well as one that could offer support to me in my journey as a woman and as a coach.
Have you found your One Word for 2015? If so, what is it and what does it mean to you?
Yes, my “One Word” for 2015 is energize. This word is meaningful to me this year because I truly believe that nothing is impossible to accomplish if I put aside any fears about it and give the goal my attention and energy every day! When I embraced the word energize for 2015, I asked myself when am I most energized? and how do I build that in 2015? I am focused on taking care of my physical body with good nutrition, regular exercise to include yoga and better sleep habits. And perhaps even more impactful from an energy perspective is that I am working on being consistently emotionally and spiritually balanced with meditation and visualization techniques. I have already felt a new sense of empowerment through these techniques. When I feel stuck or a little off my game, I know that meditation and visualization with prayer will help me get back on track now. For me, hope is energizing and knowing that I have the power within me to create a better life every day is very hopeful and motivating!
Our group is for “women on the grow”. Where are you growing? How has your involvement with Wholistic Woman Retreats impacted this?
My greatest growth challenge is putting aside fear and embracing the possibilities that life has to offer. Our Be Brave retreat was very much aligned with this goal for me. Each day I challenge myself to be brave vs. being fearful. What fears challenge me? Well, it depends on the day, but it’s most likely some of the same things you might wrestle with. Perhaps it’s not being good enough in one of my roles, or not feeling like I measure up on some level. The key I have found to putting aside my fears is to remember that I am unique and special and do not have to be what someone else is. I only need to be the best version of me! Visualization coupled with meditation and prayer has really helped me to abandon my personal fears and take positive steps toward accomplishing the things that before now I thought I could not do. I should note that my 2014 One Word was Fearless! So, as you can see, it’s a journey and I continue to be a work in progress every day.
What is a really good piece of advice you’ve received that you continue to use today?
My Dad always loves to say, this life is not a dress rehearsal! That is very meaningful to me – we only get one life and it needs to be embraced with fearlessness, energy and joy! No excuses. I have a pretty ceramic sign in my kitchen that reminds me of this every day. When I embrace the notion of “playing all out” every day, I know I will live an exciting meaningful life without regrets.
Tell us about your coaching practice…What’s your niche? Who is your ideal client? How can people find you if they’d like to work with you?
My coaching niche is women who want to take their life to the next level of joy and fulfillment. You may have a good life right now. However, deep down you may crave more – you may want to feel less overwhelmed by the stresses in life and desire a life that is extraordinary. However, perhaps you are unsure how to get there or need a partner to help hold you accountable. It would be very exciting for me to be the coach in your corner to encourage you and support you in accomplishing your goal of an extraordinary life. I truly believe that each of us can create that life that we long for, one day at a time!
If you’d like to partner with me to encourage you and support you in your journey toward a more fulfilling joyful life, please reach out to me to talk about it! I offer a complimentary session to anyone who wants to learn more about how we could work together to nurture your vision for your life.
I’d welcome the opportunity to talk with you! Please reach out to me at [email protected] or you can call me at 410-978-3492.
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by Carol deLaski | May 13, 2015 | Change, Guest Blogging
At Wholistic Woman Retreats, we believe that when women come together with the intention of supporting one another, amazing things can happen. With that thought in mind, we developed a membership program. The women who make up our membership are wise, compassionate, and courageous. Today we are sharing with you the words of our member, Lisa McFarland. We know you are going to love Lisa’s very personal blog on some of the insights she gained as the result of living through the death of her daughter, Alexis.
Lisa, thank you for sharing this with us! Your words are powerful and will undoubtedly touch the hearts of those who read this.
In talking with a friend, he shared how it has been challenging for him to engage in anything joyful since his daughter’s recent death. The pain of losing her has left his heart collapsed, full of empty space and nothing to fill it.
My friend and I share a common experience in that we both lost our little girls to rare diseases. The difference between us is that my daughter Alexis died several years ago, so I have been navigating my healing path for much longer than he has traveled his.
Loss of any kind and particularly loss of a loved one can create an agonizing and relentless emptiness that is inescapable. It can cause one’s heart to collapse, for lack of life and love. The heart is often considered to be the source of love. But when we lose someone who has been the seed of that love we are left with nothingness, apathy, despair. Hope withers. And the heart, though still beating, feels vacant.
While grieving, we wait, we cry, we pray, we work, we try to resume life in the most basic ways. We tell others we are fine. We go through the motions. “Time heals.” That’s what people tell us. But with the passage of time, the reality sets in that the void is relieved by nothing. We begin to ask ourselves: “How can I fill this void? Will I ever feel joy again? Will the pain ever stop?”
My experience regarding the void is that it cannot be filled. Because my love for Alexis was so much a part of me, her absence has left a space too vast to occupy with anything else.
However what I have found is that rather than focusing on the void, I have, over many years, been able to create life and love around the empty space. My heart’s dimensions have expanded as I have opened to latent interests, experiences, and the capacity for new love. This expansion process makes the void smaller and allows for fresh seeds of love to be planted. Apathy and despair get smaller, while hope and purpose can slowly begin to take root.
How do we expand our hearts? I believe this process manifests when we take one step at a time on our individual healing paths. These steps come in a multitude of forms, and since everyone is different, we are each drawn to, and can be healed by unique interests. There is no map, but getting started is the most important step. Here are some examples to consider:
1. Create New Experiences
Place yourself in a quiet space to brainstorm on new ways to experience life. Remember, the goal is not to forget the void but to expand life around it. Meditate on questions like:
- What hobbies or activities were on hold before this loss?
- What interests have spoken to me that until now I have not had time for?
- Where would I like to go that I have never been before?
If nothing comes to mind, try planning a short trip, even locally. You may want to visit a restaurant where you have never eaten, go shopping for a new outfit, or attend a concert.
2. Share
Generosity breeds abundance. When our hearts are collapsed, we feel we have nothing to share. But finding ways to do so can affirm our ability to contribute to the world, despite feeling deflated. Honor ideas that come to you about giving something to someone else by acting on them. Here are some examples:
- Volunteer a small amount of your time in a place that needs it
- Make someone a meal who can benefit from receiving it
- Contribute a donation to an organization that matters to you
- Open a door for someone when you enter or exit a building
- Send flowers to someone who has been supportive
- Reach out to someone where your sole purpose is to support them and attentively listen
3. Experience Nature
Take a walk outside. If a walk is too ambitious, just open a window. Listen to the sounds. Feel the air and its temperature. See if you detect a scent. Try to be reminded that we are all here in the world with purpose and possess natural instincts to lead us to that purpose. Study the trees as they are in a constant state of change. See if you can feel a connection to the natural order of life around us.
We all encounter loss. Death of a loved one may be the most profound and final loss we face. But loss can come in different forms such as a relationship ending, a job changing, a friend moving away, or the realization that something we are passionate about will not happen. These experiences can all evoke feelings of a collapsed heart.
It can be difficult at first, but as steps are taken on the healing path new dimensions are added to the collapsed heart, resuscitating our love for life, ourselves and others. Although there be no right way to “fill” the void, expanding our hearts can make that empty space feel smaller and bring us back to Joy.
I am grateful to share these thoughts and hope that they may reach someone who is in need of encouragement. I feel it an honor to be present to others who are struggling with the loss of a loved one, or who may be caring for someone with special needs. My 15 year old son lives with profoundly challenging intellectual, medical and physical demands and the experience of raising him has also provided me with a uniquely compassionate calling to be present to others.
Grieving the loss of a loved one, and/or supporting a loved one with special needs are both life scenarios that can create a sense of isolation and lack of understanding. I am inspired by my experiences to connect with others who may feel this “aloneness” and be present on their paths to healing. I can be reached at [email protected]. The photo I have included is symbolic of my own healing path, as it is a visible and daily reminder that there is always hope on the horizon.
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by Carol deLaski | May 7, 2015 | Happiness, Kelye Rouse-Brown
I have been studying Positive Psychology since June of 2014. The recommended book I have been reading is “The How of Happiness” by Sonya Lyubomirsky. In her book, Sonya explains the 3 parts of happiness in the form of a pie – 50% of your happiness pie is set by your genetics, 10% by your life circumstances and 40% is made up of your intentional activities to be happy. In essence you have the power to change and be happier. This research by Lyubomirsky is so empowering to know.
To make the statistics less scientific and more relatable, I translated her pie chart to pieces of pie in my life:
- Genetics are like Rhubarb Pie – Tradition
- Life Circumstances are like Lemon Pie – Tart
- Intentional Activities are like Blueberry Pie – Mindfulness
Over the past decade plus I have been especially interested in learning more about genetics and how it impacts our make-up and life. In “The How of Happiness”, Sonya Lyubomirsky says that you have a gene set point from your biological mother or father or both. Having genetic testing done myself, I learned I have my mother’s genes. From age 2 to age 5, I had kidney issues that put me in the hospital every 6 months. My mom said I used to go to the hospital and say to the nurses and doctors, “Here I am.” It sounds a little like Johnny Carson’s introduction, but she said I had a pretty sunny disposition despite the health issues. Much later in life, in my late 30’s, my mother and I were diagnosed with the BRCA1 (breast cancer) gene mutation. I understand the research that 50% of your genes are who you are and my early breast cancer detection confirmed that. While preparing for the testing, my mom and I reviewed our family tree to better understand our history. My mother’s mom had breast cancer, my mom had ovarian cancer and lived beyond her prognosis. One doctor said my mom was “beyond science.” I believe my mom’s humor, positivity and sunny outlook are what kept her “beyond science” – and those ‘mother’ genes attribute to my 50% of happiness.
Why does rhubarb pie come to mind for genetics?
Growing up, our neighbors used to always give us rhubarb from their garden and we made pie. The rhubarb pie grew on me as a family tradition and stays with me from my past. It’s pleasant to think of my roots and rhubarb.
Rhubarb may not be what I would choose in life now, but it was what my mother made. What pie do you think of that reminds you of your heritage or past?
Why does lemon pie come to mind for life circumstances?
I had breast cancer, a life circumstance that fortunately I was more prepared for due to my genetic testing. My cancer was detected at Stage 0 – it doesn’t get much better than that! This doesn’t impact my happiness negatively, but it was tart like a lemon pie. This was a big event, but this doesn’t take up much of my happiness pool. I have amazing support and educate woman about the benefits of genetic testing to be proactive and deal with a life situation the best you can.
My life circumstance I describe was health and there are many more examples. What bitter sweet or sweet treat do you think of when you examine a life circumstance, positive or not so positive?
Why does blueberry pie come to mind for intentional activity?
Blueberries are healthy and good for you. They help with your memory and mindfulness. I can take health matters in my own hand. Just imagine if I eat more blueberries I can make a shift to a more positive life style, up to 40 %. That is a huge chunk of your life to work on the ‘Be Whole’ pie – the best thing you can do for yourself and those around you is be mindful about the choices you make – like eating Blueberry pie.
How are you mindful of your activities to enjoy the best of life and be happy? If you are not sure, try blueberries.
Focus on your favorite piece of the whole pie and don’t settle for less. My life has been rhubarb, lemon and blueberries wrapped into one and how sweet it is to know I can live wholeheartedly 40% of the time and appreciate 60% of what has shaped who I am today.
Are you interested in knowing more about positive psychology and how you can impact your own happiness? Then come on out to Be Positive on May 27th at Jo Jo’s to explore more of the pie of happiness. Click here for details
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate are what help her clients develop, spark action and grow a successful career/business and life. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsoulutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 29, 2015 | Laura Hall
Wholistic Woman Retreats (WWR) is a community of women who are interested in personal and professional growth. WWR is run and led by a team of mid-atlantic area professional coaches who provide skillful leadership aimed at teaching and guiding women to greater fulfillment through retreats, workshops, and speaking engagements. WWR has recently added an affiliate coach program to what they have to offer. This program is designed to support professional coaches who want to be part of a supportive, nurturing team. It is also designed to be a place where the woman looking to work with a professional coach can go to find the one that will best fit her needs.
Today we want to introduce you to Liz King, one of our new affiliate coaches. What follows is a question and answer dialog with Liz to help you get to know her.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
I am married to a wonderful, loving, and extremely supportive husband. He and my two beautiful and energetic step daughters add so much joy to my life. We have recently settled in Frederick after moving around the majority of our lives and both feel like we are home here. Besides my family and faith, the three things that get me most excited in life are traveling, running, and helping women get healthy. I have managed to combine these passions over the last 15 years through my work coaching and teaching women and youth both internationally and locally.
I have been formally coaching for five years although I’ve spent most of my professional life in this capacity without realizing that it was an actual profession. Before I began coaching, I spent six years working internationally for humanitarian aid and missions organizations. I taught English and Biblical studies in many African and Asian countries, and provided awareness training and after care for women and children enslaved in human trafficking. I still have a part of my heart in Africa and hope to be able to travel there once again in the near future.
Why did you decide to become an affiliate coach with Wholistic Woman Retreats?
From the very first time I took part in a WWR event, I felt I belonged in this community. I loved the encouraging, motivating, and honest atmosphere I experienced at the Be Courageous Retreat I attended. Since then I have been able to get to know the coaches personally and discovered that the mission of WWR is upheld by each one of them personally and professionally, and their heart’s desire is to see women become whole. This is very close to my heart and in line with my professional mission. It just felt like a natural fit. I believe collaboration is essential to growth and couldn’t imagine missing an opportunity to work alongside all of the inspiring women of the Wholistic Woman Community.
Have you found your One Word for 2015? If so, what is it and what does it mean to you?
My One Word for 2015 is FAITH. Each day we encounter opportunities to take a leap of faith; to take risks and challenge ourselves to step out of our comfort zone into the unknown. Sometimes these are very large leaps and sometimes they are small steps. However, both take an element of courage and for me that courage comes from my personal faith that God has my back. My word is challenging me to look for opportunities each day to be a little uncomfortable, to do something I know I should do, even if it is not easy. I am confident that in doing this, it will bring growth in my life as well as hold the potential to help others. I make the choice to put my faith in God on a daily basis and to walk out the things I believe He is calling me to do, even when they are scary. I like the quote, “Do It Afraid” because it reminds me that courage is not the absence of fear, but it is triumphing over it by doing it afraid. I am growing my faith muscle by facing my fears and by taking on challenges.
Our group is for “women on the grow”. Where are you growing? How has your involvement with Wholistic Woman Retreats impacted this?
I am growing in my practice of rejecting perfectionism. This, I’m finding, has been a life long journey. One I have done really well at in some seasons and very poorly other times. However, I have recently discovered the freedom in rejecting the voices that try to enforce perfectionism in my daily life. This is a daily battle and one that I find the more I rely on God’s strength and grace in my life becomes a little more doable. It requires replacing destructive thoughts with positive and encouraging self-talk…I am working on this daily.
What is a really good piece of advice you’ve received that you continue to use today?
To acknowledge my blessings out loud every morning before I get out of bed.
To live each day as if it was your last.
To ask myself, “If I knew I couldn’t fail, what would I do with my life?”
Tell us about your coaching practice…What’s your niche? Who is your ideal client? How can people find you if they’d like to work with you?
I work with women of all ages to help her create healthy lives through mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. This looks differently for every client and I enjoy coming alongside each woman at the point in her journey where she has decided it is time to get healthy and to reach her personal or professional goals. I love helping women discover her potential, whether through personal training where she learns that working out is actually fun, or coaching her through a life transition where she learns she is stronger and more capable than she thought.
Women can visit my website: www.coaching4her.com to find out more information. They can also email me at [email protected] or call (240) 397-6437 with any specific questions or for more information.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 8, 2015 | Laura Hall, Personal Development
I believe a great subtitle for this blog could be, ‘Daring Greatly’ because, if you are anything like me, speaking your truth and asking for what you need can feel very risky. However, if you want to show up, be seen and live brave™ in your life, learning how to speak your truth and to ask for what you need are skills you are going to want to cultivate and develop.
I came to realize how important this was during my first year of marriage.
My first year of marriage was not what I expected. Without going into too much detail and oversharing in such a public forum, suffice it to say that my needs weren’t being met, but I didn’t know how to speak that truth and ask for what I needed. I was afraid! I was afraid that if I spoke my truth I would hurt my husband’s feelings. I worried about how ‘my truth’ would affect my new marriage. I was full of self doubt and self criticism. The thoughts that swirled around in my head were…you must be crazy, the first year is supposed to be fun and easy, what’s wrong with you!
I tried to talk to my husband but was not having much success. In hindsight, I now know that the reason I wasn’t having much success is because I was only speaking half truths, and I myself wasn’t clear on what I needed.
I knew we needed help!
So we got it! We starting seeing a marriage counselor. Her name was Mary and to this day, 24 years later, Bill and I both give her credit in helping us create the amazing marriage we have today.
Through working with her I learned that I needed to practice being vulnerable about how I was feeling. Yes, talking about how I was feeling was scary. There was uncertainty about how it was going to be received and I felt emotionally exposed. Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. This ‘speaking your truth and asking for what you need’ thing is the definition of being vulnerable!
So, how do we do it?
I’ve been practicing since those early days of my marriage, and here is what I’ve learned along the way:
1. Clarity is vital – get really clear about your truth and what you need. There are lots of ways to do this. My two favorite methods are journaling and talking to a trusted friend. Journaling allows you to gather your thoughts and feelings and to look at them more objectively. “Is this really true for me?” is the question I ask myself as I’m putting my thoughts on paper.
When it comes to talking to my friends I reach out to friends that I know are going to offer me other ways of looking at the situation. In these conversations, I’m not looking for my friends to agree with everything I’m saying but rather to challenge me with such questions as, “Do you “really believe that?”, or “Have you considered how this looks from a different perspective?”. Fortunately, I’ve surrounded myself with trusted friends who know they can challenge me to look at my beliefs and truth test them so to speak.
2. Timing matters – wait for your reaction to subside so you can choose your response. This lesson has been a game changer in so many areas of my life and I call it, ‘pushing the pause button’. Pushing the pause button involves waiting until my reactive self – the part of me that is angry, frustrated, hurt, etc. – has settled and my more responsive self has shown up. Sometimes this happens in moments, sometimes hours, and sometimes days or even weeks. When I speak out of reaction it feels out of control and oftentimes I say things I don’t mean vs when I wait until the storm has settled I can speak my truth and ask for what I need from a calmer place and this always leads to clearer communication.
3. Avoid blame – have you ever noticed how big of a problem defensiveness can be in hindering communication? To avoid this, practice using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. “I” statements allow you to take ownership of your feelings, while “you” statement point the finger at the other person and this can lead to them getting defensive.
A friend of mine recently told me that she has a sign in her office that says, “Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes”. I love this!!!! I think it sums up the idea that speaking our truth and asking for what we need can be an uncomfortable thing to do but in the long run its the only way to live an authentic life. So, here’s to Daring Greatly one truth at a time! ~ Laura
PS. If you’d like a little help practicing this, please consider joining me at Wholistic Woman Retreats next ‘Be You’ event. The topic is ‘Be Daring’ and I will be presenting. For details and registration information, click here
Where in your life do you want to Show up, Be Seen and Live Brave™? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in their lives. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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