If This Isn’t It, What Is?
If you’ve been in the workforce for a while, then I’m sure you have wondered from time to time about whether this is it. All our lives we are made to believe that the definition of success is a big house with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, an SUV in the garage, and of course a stable job to pay for it all. If you are sensible, you don’t spend all your money and put some aside for retirement.
But retirement is far away. What about the here and now? I’m not saying that you shouldn’t save for later on, but it shouldn’t come at the cost of missing out on the moment. Live a little on the way.
Having a lot of stuff is what the consumption industry wants us to strive for, and many of us do what is expected. Until one day you get a wake-up call like being laid-off, or a big move to another country, or you just have that nagging feeling that you “have it all” but something is missing – except you don’t know what that something is.
I was lucky in that I knew what that was. I always wanted to paint and it changed my life in many ways when I finally embarked on that journey. In 2000, we had moved from Düsseldorf to Maryland. My son and daughter started high school that year, my husband worked and traveled a lot, and I was home. Alone. No job, no friends. It was culture shock. The American way of life was foreign to me. My in-laws lived just outside New York, where my husband was born, so we had been on vacation here many times, but as my daughter once said: “Mom, it’s a nice country to visit, but not to live.”
Wow! She was born in Hamburg and had been enrolled in German schools. It took her quite a few years to adjust. And it took me five years to finally make a few friends. That was a first. I had moved many times, from country to country, to different cities with different languages and jobs. Every time I lived in a new place, I gathered a group around me, but not here.
In 2005, I finally gave in to my passion. I signed up for a painting class and that changed everything. It felt like coming home, and soon I started to make friends. A whole new world opened up. It was a little scary to walk into that first class. I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t even know how to paint. I also knew that I had lots to learn, that I would fail many times, but I could do it if I worked hard. And I did. I ended up with stacks and stacks of some pretty ugly paintings, but I was not discouraged or embarrassed. On the contrary, with every brushstroke I got better, and I loved the process. Slowly I was making some pretty decent paintings and even won awards.
This was not the end of the journey. There was still something missing. But this time around, it was not apparent what I needed. The only thing I knew was that I wanted to combine painting with coaching. I became a coach because I was missing a tribe, like I had in all those other places where I had lived, and I wanted to help others to experience what it feels like to come home. What it feels like when you are doing what you were meant to be doing all along.
Find your passion.
If you don’t have a clue what you are passionate about, ask your friends. During my training as a coach, all my coaching friends told me that every time I talked about my painting, I lit up. I had never noticed that, but there it was. When people talk about their passion, and they do so often, they lighten up. Their eyes are on fire, eyebrows are pulled upwards, the whole body is energized, hands and arms start moving.
Pay attention to your own body when you talk about something you feel strongly about.
Body language is an amazing thing. Try sitting slumped over and talk about a passion of yours. I guarantee you that you cannot do it. Not in that position.
In 2011, I founded Quality Within. I chose that name because I am a firm believer that we all have beauty and a unique quality within us. The challenge is to find it. It is something that comes naturally. Something that is so easy for you that you think anybody can do it. But just because it comes easily to you doesn’t mean that it is the same for everybody else. I’m not saying that painting came easily to me. I had to work on it. But I had a drive from within. I didn’t have to push myself, I was pulled toward it. What does come easily to me is combining color and reading people, and reading intuitive paintings.
If you have no idea what your quality within looks like, start by getting organized. Make space and clear your mind and clutter in your home. Finish projects that you have been putting aside.
Once you have cleared your mind, start making a list with all the things you would like to do even if you think it’s impossible. Take your time with it. Then pick one theme that jumps out at you and start pondering, collect information, find out what you need to learn, talk to as many people as you can, and listen to their feedback. Pay attention to your own body, your gut, your energy. Trust your intuition. In my case, thirteen years ago I had no friends, no job. I couldn’t even paint. But paint is my favorite medium. I love working with groups. No matter how tired I am starting a workshop, I always go home fully energized. People ask me all the time: “And what are you going to do when you retire?” I think you know the answer.
Tap into your quality within and show it to the world. A precious gift you can give yourself is helping others with what comes so easily to you.
Last but not least: Don’t give up your day job right away, but learn to deal with your inner critic who might say that it’s too late to change. Believe me, it never is.
Welcome home!
Today’s author: Elisabeth Vismans is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), an Award-Winning Artist, and founder of Quality Within, helping women in transition to find their life purpose. She developed a unique coaching program using the visual language as an extra modality. She is also an Art Instructor and conducts painting and coaching workshops. Learn more about Elisabeth at her website: www.qualitywithin.com, or from her Facebook page.
Independence
What does financial independence mean to you?
Maybe you think being independent financially doesn’t pertain to you because you are in a marriage or committed relationship.
OR
Perhaps you think that if you are independent, you are excluding your family and loved ones from your financial decisions.
OR
If you’re single, it may be that you take your financial autonomy for granted. Financial independence is your way of life.
As a Financial Coach, my perspective regarding financial independence has changed drastically over the years. I used to think in traditional ways about money and independence. Through working with female clients, I have learned the importance for women to have their own sense of independence in managing their money. Statistically, we are more likely to be in situations that require us to be autonomous with money. Women live longer than men. We earn less than our male counterparts, and as a whole, we are more likely to live alone either by choice or circumstance.
While I was single, I was the only one who I needed to consider when making financial decisions. After getting married, I made the transition to sharing my finances with my husband. These were easy tasks: creating a joint checking account, adding each other as beneficiaries on our retirement accounts, making sure that both of our names were listed on our assets, all of which felt like a rite of passage. In addition to our marriage vows, I felt these steps were a part of “sealing the deal.” It wasn’t difficult, but I now know we missed a few crucial steps in the process. Steps that would have saved us from financially stumbling and ultimately falling through the first decade of married life.
The first (and most important) step we missed was not talking about money. We were in love, and talking about it didn’t seem necessary. We were optimistic about everything! Our love buoyed us above the mundane topics, floating on the optimistic notion that this love would see us through, no matter what the future had in store for us. We had no idea of the dangerous waters churning below the surface that would pull us down to despair, almost drowning both of us.
Early in our marriage neither of us had an independent voice in making money decisions. We found ourselves making these decisions on the fly, not wanting to rock the boat. We didn’t discuss how the decisions we were making early on may have long term consequences. The tsunami of financial fallout wouldn’t overcome us for a few years, but the emotional queasiness was already taking hold. My inner voice was sending me warnings, but was drowned out by my outer voice-the one who wanted to pretend that we were navigating our finances with ease.
The next misstep was not understanding what each of us valued. I valued being perceived as being successful. I wanted the beautiful, shiny things that I thought made us look well-off. The cars, the clothes, and the perfectly decorated house, all to show the world that we were prospering. Little did I know that my husband valued doing whatever made me happy–not rocking the boat that was already being thrashed about by the huge wave of consequences that would almost sink us in the not too distant future.
Our vision for our future was wrought with unspoken truths, and navigating the unruly waters of denial would prove to drown us in overwhelming debt. There would be no future without finally speaking our truth and committing to a future by starting over. In order to save ourselves, we took the step of talking about our individual visions for the future and worked toward a common vision for us as a couple.
Sometimes, in order to move forward, we need to step back. The choppy waters of finance can be navigated by finding your voice and understanding your values and vision with money. By using these as your inner compass, you will bring true authenticity to your relationship with others, and more importantly, your relationship with money. Financial independence is the lighthouse that will keep you (and anyone you may share your money with) on the right course!
To learn more about Jane’s approach to financial independence, attend her evening retreat, Be Independent on May 30th from 5:30-7:30 pm.
Today’s Author: Jane Helm is the Principal of Money Mentor Group. As a wealth coach, Jane combines decades of financial services experience with a degree in social work and psychology to bring positive financial change to her client’s lives. She is a Partner Coach with the Wholistic Coaching Coalition and co-founded the Build Your Own Business networking group. Jane can be reached via email at [email protected]
How to Stick with Your New Year’s Resolutions
It’s that time of the year again. We are almost two weeks into the new year – how are you doing with your resolution(s)? Are you starting tomorrow or have you maybe given up already?
New Year’s resolutions are a tradition in which you resolve to change an undesired trait or behavior, to accomplish a personal goal, or otherwise improve your life. For the longest time, I did not make any, or I came up with a myriad of resolutions, but I was never committed and, therefore, never able to keep them or even remember them after a short while. This all changed when I became interested in self growth and for the last five or six years I’ve set an intention for the new year. I commit to only one.
Statistically, only 8% of people actually keep their New Year’s resolutions, so it was not surprising that I wasn’t able to keep mine. I never asked myself what the importance of this goal was and how it would improve my life. The most common reasons people can’t stick to their resolutions are lack of commitment and not having the time or energy to follow through. Nobody wants to sacrifice for something that they don’t see a lot of value in. Don’t set yourself up for failure by setting too many goals, setting unrealistic goals, or getting discouraged too easily.
You will have to make the new goal a priority and carve out time for it in your busy schedule. That means that you will have to allot time to your new goal. You will have to replace an old behavior with the new one. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again, you cannot expect a different result, right?
You might want to do some soul searching and think about last year’s resolution to see how that worked out. And if it didn’t go as well as expected, then ask yourself, “Why not?” so you don’t go the same route next time. My last year’s intention was to make more friends. Looking back, it worked out pretty well. I have made quite a few new interesting friends with different backgrounds, which was new to me as most of my friends were in the coaching and art scene. And yes, I was committed to taking the time, to be curious, looking for people in new circles, going out of my comfort zone, talking to the person next
to me sitting at the bar. That takes some courage, but it’s so worth it. And what’s the worst that can happen? And once I had made a new connection, I made sure to nurture it by staying connected, sharing and listening, and lots of fun outings. I must add that I like challenges, and new opportunities.
Setting an intent or making a resolution takes some prep work. First of all, you have to know what the new goal means to you. So I asked myself: “Why are friendships important to me and how does it improve my life?” One of my core values is being part of a vibrant community, so there was my answer.
Furthermore, I asked myself what kind of friends did I want to make? I wanted loyal and positive-minded friends with an interesting story, so the relationship would add value to my life and vice versa. What do I want to contribute to a relationship and what do I want to get out of it? I educated myself by reading up on the importance of friendships. So I put a lot of thought into it beforehand. What kept me on track was checking in on a regular basis and being compassionate with myself if I had been slacking. I just acknowledged it and did a reset.
What are the most common resolutions people make?
Eating healthier
Spending less money
Working out more
It all has to do with caring and peace of mind. But how can you be more specific so that it works for you? Let’s take a closer look at “eating healthier” and how you can stay on track. The more specific your formulation is, the easier it is to commit and stay with it. Just saying: “I want to live healthier” is too vague. What does that mean? Working out more, spending more time with your family, going to bed earlier? Be clear. Say something like: “I will eat healthier”. That’s pretty clear and now you can ask yourself questions like what is important about that to me and what kind of “bad” behavior am I going to replace with the new “good’ behavior. It takes time to get used to the new behavior, so maybe find an accountability buddy or start a Meetup. Educate yourself on the subject, discuss books, read labels, share easy recipes, visit farmers markets on a Saturday morning together. Make it a fun and exciting process.
For whatever resolution you make, be crystal clear about what you want, why you want it, how it will improve your life, and how you can succeed at accomplishing your goal. Do your research, set attainable goals and carve out time, be committed, find support, and celebrate your achievements.
Having said all that, of course you don’t have to make a New Year’s resolution just because everybody else does it. On the other hand, you can make a resolution whenever you feel like it. Once I had a client who came to me because she had no friends and desperately wanted friends but didn’t know how to go about it. “Nobody likes me,” she said. We took an in-depth and serious look at her relationship with herself. It was a rocky ride at times, but she stuck with it. There were successes and set-backs but eventually it became second nature to forge and nurture friendships. Now she says with a big smile: “Remember when I had no friends at all? Now I have too many.”
Make a positive change in your life, enjoy the process, and celebrate the outcome.
Today’s author: Elisabeth Vismans is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CPCC), an Award-Winning Artist, and founder of Quality Within, helping women in transition to find their life purpose. She developed a unique coaching program using the visual language as an extra modality. She is also an Art Instructor and conducts painting and coaching workshops. Learn more about Elisabeth at her website: www.qualitywithin.com, or from her Facebook page.
De-Stress This Holiday Season
We’ve gathered 6 tips from your coaches at Wholistic Woman to reduce holiday stress! We hope you can use them to be your best YOU this holiday season and enjoy the holidays with friends and family rather than suffer from stress or anxiety.
These stress-reducing tips are meaningful for men and women alike:
- Be Curious – Stress can be cumulative; often during this time of year we may be so busy that we don’t feel it building. When tension mounts, turn to wonder. Pause and ask yourself, I wonder what’s really bothering me today? By taking a few minutes to check-in and notice the source of your stress you will gain the necessary insight to take action. Then take one small step to be kind to yourself and alleviate it. ~ Carol deLaski
- Be Grateful – Turn your stress around by re-framing it with gratitude. When you notice a stressor that consumes your energy, try to think of something within that situation for which you can be grateful. For example: My partner and I are having difficulties, at the moment, and are fighting. I am grateful that I have a best freiend to share my feeling with today. ~ Kat Middleton
- Be Proactive – Set the tone of each day by taking care of yourself first thing in teh morning with rituals and routines like exercise, meditation, and positive affirmations. ~ Casey Clark
- Be Unique – Get creative with what you have; take the pressure off yourself and become a leader looking within and creating gifts that are unique and environmentally friendly by using natural resources. ~ Elisabeth Vismans
- Be Healthy – In addition to times of celebration with friends and family, the holidays can also be filled with long to-do lists and unhealthy eating. During this time, be mindful of making food choices in moderation, staying active, relaxing, and avoiding toxic people. Be intentional about your health and set boundaries that support your well-being. ~ Kim Wilson
- Be Generous – The holidays can be expensive, and we are often short on time during this busy season. Consider giving the gift of YOU rather than a material gift to eliminate some of that holiday stress. You can save money while giving someone a meaningful gift of your service and time after the holidays. For example, give the gift of running errands for an elderly family member or neighbor during the winter months. ~ Donna Kettell
- Be the best YOU this holiday season and stay stress-free!
Be the best YOU this holiday season as you minimize stress and seek JOY!
Happy holidays from your Wholistic Woman coaches!