by Carol deLaski | Apr 19, 2013 | Children, Family, Laura Hall, Success
“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” – Neale Donald Walsch
What scares you? Where is fear holding you back in life? Before you read any further, STOP! I want you to really think about those questions.
OK, thanks for playing along! Now we can proceed.
Something you should know about me, is that I LOVE quotes. They motivate me, challenge me and inspire me. Neale Donald Walsch’s above quote is something I believe and try to live on a daily basis. It reminds me to challenge myself and to remeber that it’s OK to feel uncomfortable sometimes. I work on being comfortable being uncomfortable. Does that make sense?
When I see other people stepping outside their comfort zone, it warms my heart. I feel a kindred connection to people who are willing to feel fear and instead of using that as an excuse, they turn and face it and refuse to let it hold them back. Today, I’d like to tell you about two amazing wholistic women who I recently had the privilege of watching step outside their comfort zone. It just so happens that these two amazing women are my teenage daughters, Kayla and Helena.
Let’s start with Helena, for no particular reason other than she’s the 2nd child and usually gets listed 2nd so today we are going to let her go 1st.
Helena is 15 years old and recently bought herself a ukulele. In the span of about 3 weeks she taught herself to play, added 3 songs to her repertoire, and decided she wanted to step outside her comfort zone and challenge herself to perform at an open mike night at one of the local coffee shops. The night of her big debut came quickly and as I sat there with her, waiting for it to be her turn to perform, I noticed she was very quiet. She was nervous, but I also sensed a determination to not let her fear stop her. When they called her name, she walked with confidence up to the performance area, joked with the audience about how if she messed up they should give her a break as she had only had the ukulele 3 weeks and proceeded to play 3 of her songs to an audience of about 40 people. I was so proud of her! Here is a brief video of her performance:
Helena’s Performance
The next story is about Kayla, my 18 year old daughter who is a senior in high school this year and will be attending Towson University in the fall to study nursing. About a week ago I had a little accident at home which resulted in 5 staples in the top of my head. I won’t go into the gory details because they aren’t important. What is important is that because I have a degree in physical therapy and my husband is a dentist, I convinced the doctor at the urgent care facility to give me the staple remover so that I could take them out at home instead of having to make another visit to urgent care. When the night came to remove the staples, I asked Kayla if she wanted to take them out for me. She said yes, but admitted that she was feeling a little sick to her stomach and was nervous about hurting me. I assured her that I have a high pain tolerance, and after my husband demonstrated the technique to her, she then removed the remaining 4 staples, growing in confidence with each one. She is going to make an excellent nurse one day and I am proud to say that I was her 1st patient.
I’d like to take this opportunity to publicly thank my daughters for being an inspiration to me. Watching them step outside their comfort zones reminds me that it is normal to feel uncomfortable and even to experience fear when we are challenging ourselves in some way. The problems arise when we let the fear stop us. Being fearless isn’t about not being afraid, but rather fearing less. As Mark Twain says, “Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.”
Where in your life are you stepping outside your comfort zone? I encourage you to share your story in our comments. You may just be the inspiration someone else needs to turn and face their fear.
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach who believes every woman deserves a coach. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
Save
by Carol deLaski | Apr 10, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Self-Care
A recent trip to Utah presented a challenging situation when I took a spill and landed on my head while spring skiing. Fortunately, I had on a helmet, but even so I soundly ‘rang my bell’. At first disoriented, I kept asking where my helmet was; my head hurt so badly that I thought I must have lost it in the fall. But when my alarmed sister saw that my helmet was still securely strapped to my head, she called for Ski Patrol to assist us.
As this unexpected drama unfolded, I now realize that I moved through the seven levels of energy that I teach and coach clients on. This energetic process maintains that our thoughts create what we feel, which in turn, effects what we do. Thoughts = Emotions =Actions is the formula which allows me to look back and observe how I moved myself through this particular crisis.
First, I had level one ‘victim thoughts’ of powerlessness and embarrassment. My fall occurred in the flat area near a ski lift as I ‘caught an edge’ in the soft, mushy snow, (often called “mashed potatoes” by spring skiers) and lost my balance. Falling backwards and unable to stop the fall, I landed hard and couldn’t get up immediately afterwards. As I lay there, I could hear the ski lift come to a halt and then imagined everyone staring at me and talking about ‘that woman’ who just wiped out in the flat area beside the lift. I added to my distress with self-critical thoughts which wailed I can’t believe this happened to me….and here of all places, how embarrassing! I want to just disappear.
I moved into level two with thoughts of inner conflict as I scolded myself for falling. What a stupid fall! Get up! I have to be ok, I told myself as I collected my wits and stood. I tried to sound convincing as I kept insisting, “I’m fine. I’m fine.” My concerned family members gathered around me as the ski patrol man, Abe, asked me questions to assess how badly I had rung my bell.
Fortunately, other than my initial brief disorientation about the location of my helmet, I was able to answer all of his questions accurately. I could even quip with him. When he asked me what day it was I replied, “No fair! I’m on vacation! I’m trying to forget what day it is.” He smiled and agreed. The joking led me into level three, where I began to think about what responsibility I could take for this unfortunate situation. When we take even a small amount of responsibility, it moves us out of the negativity of powerlessness and conflict thinking and into the first level of positive energy.
Thoughts of responsibility quickly meshed with level four thoughts of concern. I saw not only Abe’s perceptive interest but I also saw the worried expressions on the faces of my siblings and cousin as they gathered around me. I wanted to alleviate their anxiety about my wellbeing. I admitted it would feel good to take a break and get some medicine for my headache. Abe advised us of two options to get to a lodge from our current location. We chose the option that required us to ride the lift and then ski an easy green run to a mid-mountain lodge.
The lift ride was a calming interlude. Taking in the beautiful Utah vistas on this clear day, I chatted with my brother and sister and breathed easier; beginning to believe that I was truly fine. As I exited the lift, and started to ski, however, I realized that I was a bit shaky. I was told to follow Abe in his bright red ski patrol jacket and he would lead the way to the lodge. We started off and Abe grew smaller and smaller in the distance as I followed slower and slower. I had lost my confidence. My legs lacked substance and felt like Jell-O under me while my head and stomach felt woozy. I stopped to ostensibly look at the view, but actually I was trying to collect myself and ‘be fine’. With encouragement from my niece who was skiing with me, I reached Abe and the others and continued to make my way to the lodge very slowly.
When I finally arrived, it felt great to take off my skis and sit down to rest. Abe soon appeared before me to continue his kind and careful assessment of my condition. I had to admit that I was feeling worse, not better. I moved into level five as I thought what would be a ‘win-win’ for everyone. I deliberated on what was best for me, my concerned family members, Abe, and even the other skiers at the lodge. Taking the entire situation into consideration I came to the conclusion that I didn’t want to ski anymore and asked Abe if I could ride a snowmobile down to the base lodge. He agreed with my decision and advised that I visit the nurse on duty there to further assess my condition. This felt like the best solution for everyone involved.
Abe informed me, however, that a snowmobile couldn’t get to this particular mid-mountain lodge. The only way to get down from this location was by sled. An image of me sitting upright, resting on comfy cushions, sipping a cup of hot tea while gently gliding downhill popped into my head. Abe burst that bubble by telling me that there were standard protocols for transporting someone off the mountain in a sled. He went on to describe how they would immobilize my neck, strap me to a board, and zip me into a bag in order for the transport patrol to ski me to a waiting snowmobile. I felt some anxiety about this endeavor, but held fast to my level five thinking that this would be best for everyone.
I acquiesced to their procedures and soon found myself surrounded by four members of the ski patrol who worked as one to prepare me for this unexpected ride. As they fitted me with a neck brace collar I noticed something unusual in the sky. It was a clear day, with just a few wispy clouds, and no recent precipitation. Despite the relative clarity of the day, I saw a thin rainbow casting a large arch across the sky. Shifting my focus back to the ground, my anxiety grew as the team cinched my legs, waist, and chest securely to the board with thick straps and I experienced complete immobility. I searched for my sister’s face in amongst the ski patrol team for reassurance and motioned her close. “I think I’m seeing things,” I whispered. “Do you see a rainbow?” I asked and jutted my chin towards the sky. She glanced at the sky and said, “No” with a look that conveyed, you’re seeing things, sister! I thought, oh geez, I’m worse off than I thought, and didn’t mention it to anyone else.
As they zipped the bright red bag around me, Abe explained that its stiff flaps would come beside my head and face to keep snow from spraying on me as we descended. He carefully positioned the flaps some distance from my head so that I had plenty of airflow and could hold an oxygen mask to my face. As he did so, my peripheral vision became filled with the red color of this surrounding protective barrier, and my binocular vision was restricted to the piece of blue sky directly above me. Even though the red bag limited my view, it also provided a frame for the arching rainbow. I moved into levels six and seven as I chose to interpret that rainbow as a reminder of God’s presence. Despite my anxiety about the condition of my head, and this unusual ride that was about to take place, I looked at the rainbow and felt reassured of God’s promise to be with me always. I latched my eyes onto that arch of color and chose faith over fear to see me through this ordeal.
The sled began to move forward and my initial idea of a smooth ride was instantly replaced by the reality of a bumpy traverse over what felt like very rough ground. To calm my fears, I focused on the rainbow and prayed for the ski patrol members in whose hands I had placed myself, for my family who was making decisions how to handle this turn of events, and for myself as I struggled to trust this unexpected journey and not freak out. By choosing to focus on level six and seven thoughts about God’s promise I avoided dropping back to the powerless thoughts of level one.
The initial leg of the trip ended as the ski patrol brought me to a location where a snowmobile could take over. The team quickly attached my sled to a snowmobile, which continued my journey down the mountain. I arrived at the base lodge sometime later and was met by the resort nurse and my sister, who had skied there to join us. Surrounded by concerned faces, one ski patrol woman asked how I was doing and I decided to confide in her about the rainbow. I tentatively asked, “Do you see a rainbow?” and she glanced up in the sky above us. She turned back to me and smiled, saying, “Yes, I do.” Seeing my quizzical expression she went on to explain, “That happens sometimes in the mountains; like light going through a prism.” I breathed a sigh of relief, reassured that I wasn’t crazy. I said a silent prayer thanking God for putting it in my view and gratefully received the comforting grace it provided me through this ordeal.
A subsequent trip by ambulance to the local clinic for a CT scan of my head yielded the diagnosis that I had suffered a concussion. My ski trip had taken a turn for the worse, but I chose to make lemonade from these lemons.
After resting for a few days I indulged in retail therapy and traded in my ski boots for a fun pair of Western cowgirl boots. Now whenever I wear those cowgirl boots I not only smile for the pure fun of it, but I also remember why I got them. I remember the rainbow promise of God to be with me and to provide for me; whether it’s a helmet, a loving family, concerned and skillful experts such as Abe and the ski patrol staff, or the rest of the medical team that cared for me.
I remember that I can choose my thoughts and move myself to a higher level of energy. I can exchange my powerlessness for a powerful connection to a Source greater than me simply by changing my thoughts. When I wear my cowgirl boots I feel grateful and I am reminded that I can connect to God everyday to navigate my way through challenging circumstances, and so can you.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski Hayes is a Certified Energy Leadership Coach, author, and speaker. You may contact her at: [email protected] to comment on this blog or engage her services as speaker or coach.
Save
by Carol deLaski | Mar 13, 2013 | Health, Nutrition, Sandie Lynch
Summer is fast approaching and as the weather warms, our clothes will cover less. Are you ready to uncover? Do you have weight loss goals for the summer? Will you be able to enjoy your summer if you don’t reach your weight goal? Does your body perspective impact your self-image and inner joy? A change in your perspective can help you find your joy and the body you enjoy!
I once believed that I had to get the body I wanted before I could enjoy life or feel good about myself, especially in public. I have found the opposite it true! I discovered that the only way I could get the body I wanted was to love the body I was in, and that joy and a healthy self-image start with understanding the true amazing unique qualities that lie within.
A popular motto is Live, Laugh, Love and I believe they are in the wrong order. Instead I believe Love, Laugh, Live is the journey to a healthy self-image and a life full of joy, and the journey begins with perspective. I know what you’re saying, “I don’t want to love the body I’m in, give me a different body I can love.” I too said this many times.
Let me share just a small segment of the shift that changed everything for me…
My sister use to say to me, “You’re just not normal!” I would just laugh because for most of my life my habit was to try and see things from a humorous side and just laugh off life’s challenges and mistakes (no matter how I truly felt about them). One of my favorite past times is to watch a truly “funny” comedian, who has the ability to do just that, and take everyday events we all have in common, and turn them into hilarious self-reflections. One of the best is Sinbad.
For a time, I lost this “laughing” perspective because life had not turned out the way I thought it should, and found myself in a “dark” dry place with no joy; literally having a “pity” party, with the attendance of one, for 7 years. Not only had a significant relationship ended and found myself completely alone, but I continued to struggle with yo-yo-ing weight most of my life even after becoming a Registered Dietitian and Personal Fitness Trainer. I constantly was berating myself for my lack of discipline to do what I said I wanted to do and accomplish! I considered myself a failure in many areas!
Desperate, I cried out to God to change me; to create His beauty within me and transform my body from the inside out… lo and behold, HE ANSWERED MY PRAYER! The biggest impact was noticed in how I related to my body; my perspective and respect for my body was transforming. Instead of seeing my body for everything that was wrong with it, I began to pay attention to everything that was good and right with my body. This small shift in perspective made living a consistent wellness lifestyle easier until it became who I was, and not what I needed to do. I was no longer tempted by the foods and habits that would always throw me off course; instead I started honoring the “good” parts which in turn created more “good” parts. I was free, my joy and ability to laugh at challenges and mistakes slowly returned but this time with a genuine feeling of grace instead of condemnation.
The second place of impact was the blessing of attracting genuine encouraging women into my life; some lovingly known as the Wholistic Woman Coaches, along with others in the Wholistic Woman Community. Meeting and sharing time with these wonderful supportive women inspired me be me, all of me, for I don’t serve the world by playing small but by giving fully to the areas that call me to serve! What I realized was being connected with a positive community has a synergistic impact on everyone involved; all contribute and all receive!
Turning 50 this past year and a corner into a new season of life made me realize I am revisiting some joyful seasons previously traveled, but with a new sense of “sassiness” or boldness I have never experienced before. I even shared recently with a few friends of my belief I will be considered eccentric as I grow older. Saying this out loud liberated me knowing I was marching to my own personal drummer playing the rhythm of my choice. This is allowing me to love more deeply, laugh more often, and Live more fully! Something I want for every woman in my life.
In my travels, I have met many women who are also trapped in a “small, dry” place for various reasons, but one that speaks deep to my heart is how our body perspective can rob our joy, and leave us living a life that is not ours to live, and sometimes causes us to put “living” on hold until we reach where we feel we should be. It is my passion to share tips and/or strategies I have learned to help others find their way and free the person trapped inside an outer image that fails to reflect the beautiful woman inside. The old saying goes, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Let’s all be the “beholder” of the beauty within and allow it to transform from the inside out!
I hope you will join me at the next BYOB March 27th 2013 as we discuss how to embrace a new perspective and find your own drummer to a healthier life inside and out…
BYOB Session Topic: Get the “skinny” with 10 tips to have a “sassy, sexy summer no matter what you weigh! Session held at Ayse Meze in Frederick, Maryland. Click here to register today!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch a Registered Dietitian and Personal Fitness Trainer, owner of ATP Consultants, LLC, teaches 5 Key Principles to create beauty from the inside out. Contact Sandie at [email protected] to learn more about these 5 Key Principles through; ATP 16-8-2 Fitness™ Classes, upcoming workshops, and/or private consulting.
Save
by Carol deLaski | Mar 6, 2013 | Carol deLaski
I admit that I am a recovering superwoman.
I have worshipped the ‘god of busyness’ basing the meaning and value of my life on what I accomplished each day. Like many women, I have juggled the demands of a busy household, family, friends, work, and volunteering. Occasionally it has been effortless, but more often than not it has brought on a great deal of stress. I set myself up for this angst by saying “yes” to too much and then silently wondering how I’m going to fulfill all that I have committed to. Does this scenario sound familiar to you?
Most women are experts at taking care of others. We are masters of multi-tasking; switching figurative hats from chef to taxi driver to secretary to laundress to accountant to playmate and so on. We heroically rise to the challenge of meeting the needs of those we are committed to, often at the expense of our own wellbeing. It’s easy to neglect, or entirely forget, our own needs in the midst of managing the needs of others. We can lose ourselves on the path to being super mom, super employee…. super woman.
My superwoman crashed and burned a number of years ago and I have been on a journey to understand and practice self-care ever since then. Initially, I thought the term self-care was synonymous with selfish. I believed that taking time for my own needs was indulgent and wrong. I had to learn that it was okay to provide for myself first, before giving generously of my time, resources, and talents to others. Since up to 80% of all illnesses are said to be related to chronic stress, it behooves us to have a variety of ways to reduce or eliminate the pressures in our lives.
Now I try to balance the care I offer others with self-care; making sure I am filling my own tank regularly. I’d like to share three essential elements which provide a strong framework for wellbeing.
1) Taking consistently good care of my physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual needs.
2) Finding and using my voice to express myself.
3) Surrounding myself with a community of women who encourage and support my development.
The mind-body-heart-soul connection is crucial to successfully balance my superwoman tendencies with my desire to be solidly grounded. The Center for Mind-Body Medicine is an inspiring resource for wholistic health. Mind-Body Medicine focuses on the interactions between mind and body and the powerful ways in which emotional, mental, social and spiritual factors can directly affect health. Visit this link to learn 4 simple mind-body techniques (http://cmbm.org/resources/self-care/)
The Center’s founder, Dr. James Gordon, will be speaking at Frederick’s International Women’s Day on Friday, March 8th sharing his expertise about self-care for trauma relief, as well as for everyday health and wellbeing. To register, visit www.FrederickIWD.org. I hope to see you there!
Today’s author: Carol deLaski Hayes is a Certified Leadership Coach and speaker who provides workshops for personal and professional growth. Contact Carol at 301-371-7460 or [email protected]
Save
by Carol deLaski | Feb 27, 2013 | Health, Laura Hall
How did you play as a child? How do you play as an adult? Those were the questions posed to me earlier today in my spiritual study group. We are studying a book called, A Hidden Wholeness, The Journey Toward and Undivided Life” by Parker Palmer. We are into the third chapter, and so far, I’m really enjoying the book.
These questions got me thinking about fun and play and what role they had in my life when I was a child, as well as what role they have in my life as an adult. My childhood was full of fun and play. I always lived in a neighborhood that was teeming with other kids. Some of my memories include playing jacks with my next door neighbor, Vicky, getting a group together to play kick the can, jumping rope to singsong tunes, or just laying in the grass and playing the cloud game where we would find animal shapes among the clouds.
As an adult, I continue to make a point of bringing fun and play into my life. I’ve found a really fun gym where I work out regularly with a bunch of playful women and a few men, I take time to have creative fun with scrapbooking, at least once a quarter my daughter and I host a game night with family friends (right now our favorite game is Telestrations), twice a year I take a weekend away with my close friends, and I lead as well as participate in workshops that inspire and uplift me. All of these things constitute fun and play for me.
Fun and play are important because they are part of living a well rounded life. There is more and more research coming out about the benefits of play, which include, but aren’t limited to stress reduction, increased problem solving abilities, increased longevity, connection to others, and increased energy. With benefits like these I’m sure you are probably asking yourself why you aren’t playing more in your life.
How do you have fun and play?
If you are looking for something fun to do next Friday evening, consider joining me and some of your other Wholistic Woman friends at Frederick’s International Women’s Day Celebration. Details can be found at https://wholisticwomenliving.com/ai1ec_event/international-womens-day/?instance_id=230
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach who believes every woman deserves a coach. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
Save
by Carol deLaski | Feb 20, 2013 | Laura Hall
Are you a ‘word’ person? Do you know someone who searches for just the right phrase or word to describe what they’re thinking or feeling? I have had a lifelong passion to use verbal and written words creatively in an effort to effectively express myself. My passion has expanded in the process of writing my first book. Like many authors, I have found that writing my book went much quicker than editing my book. The editors and I have sent the manuscript back and forth between us for months, fine tuning and massaging the material so that it flows smoothly, and accurately captures my intended message. It’s a process that can sometimes feel maddeningly slow, yet if I let go of my expectations about when it will be done, it can also feel fluid and effortless. That’s because I love words and the way they enliven communication.
A deck of inspirational self-care cards are one of my favorite sources of empowering words. I enjoy spreading the cards out and, without looking at them, selecting one that ‘calls’ to me. Turning it over in my hands, I read the single word on the card, appreciate the beautiful illustration, and read the brief message. I then ask myself what the one word means to me on that particular day. Sometimes the message resonates with me immediately, and other times I have to wait and observe how the day unfolds before I understand its message in hindsight. On a recent morning I drew the word Patience. I had great expectations about what I wanted to accomplish that day on my manuscript. Looking at the card in the morning I was sure it was highlighting the need for patience in other areas of my life. However, after a frustratingly slow day of editing I saw that I needed to apply Patience to my writing. This observation helped me revise my expectations, release my disappointment, and accept my process.
Viewing your life through the lens of one word is a powerful exercise. Whether you subscribe to a ‘word of the day’, or like me, pull word cards from a deck, practices such as these have the potential to broaden our life experience by providing a focus we wouldn’t otherwise have. I invite you to give it a try and encourage you not to make it a willful mental exercise, but to allow the word to come to you. How would you do that?
‘One Word to Change Your Life’ will be the topic of a workshop I will be leading on February 27th from 7:30-9:30 am. The workshop will be based on the book “One Word That Will Change Your Life” and will guide participants to select their word for 2013. Once you find your word, or more accurately, your word finds you, it will be a lens through which you can view the experiences of this year. It will be a powerful tool to enhance your ability to create what you want in your work or life. Bringing laser focus to your intentions and growth allows for greater expansion and development. Click here for more details or to register for the workshop. http://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.readyforinsight.com/ai1ec_event/breakthrough-breakfast/?instance_id=9
Hope is an especially empowering word and will be the focus of Frederick’s International Women’s Day. ‘Healing Trauma, Restoring Hope’ will be the topic of this year’s event on March 8th from 5-8:30 pm. You are warmly invited to attend. https://wholisticwomenliving.com/ai1ec_event/international-womens-day/?instance_id=230
Today’s author: Carol Hayes is a Certified Leadership Coach, speaker, and soon-to-be author, who provides workshops for personal and professional growth. Contact Carol at 301-371-7460 or [email protected]
Save
