by Carol deLaski | Feb 13, 2014 | Family, Laura Hall
This is a picture of me and my cousin, Breanna, on my wedding day. Two days ago, on February 11, 2014, she was killed in a car accident. She was a passenger in a car which slid off a snow-covered road in North Carolina. My initial reaction was one of shock and denial. “No, not Breanna. She’s too young to die!” (She was 23 years old).
As the initial shock wore off, I found myself standing in my kitchen talking to Breanna. The words I found myself speaking to her were that I believe that she is still with us, just in different form, and if I could in anyway be a conduit for her that I promised to be open to receiving; whatever that would look like. I immediately got the message, “I am alright” and got an overwhelming feeling that Breanna was at peace.
I went to bed that night thinking about Breanna and wondering if I would dream about her. I had a restful night, but no visit from Breanna. As I got in the car the next morning the radio came on. It was set to one of my daughters stations and not one I usually listen to. Of course, Breanna was on my mind, and I started thinking about how in the last few months of her life she was using music to express herself. What she would do is post songs, along with the Youtube video, on Facebook. Songs that represented her thoughts, feelings, and emotions. With that thought in mind I decided to stay on that channel and just be open. As I drove, I noticed that I wasn’t paying particular attention to what was playing until all of a sudden a song came on and there was a feeling of , THIS IS IT, and I knew that this was something Breanna wanted me to share for her. So, in Breanna style, here it is:
[yframe url=’http://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXzlVjU1xs’]
When I saw that this song was by a band named, Alternate Routes, I thought, “Of course it is!”. You see, my cousin definitely took alternate routes in her life. She had been through a lot in her 23 years. Without getting into the details, suffice it to say that it was music to my ears when I talked to my aunt last week and she said to me, “Laura, Breanna is doing great!”. I knew that she was because we had been speaking via email and Facebook messaging. I knew that she was awakening to understanding that she was love and deserved to be treated by herself and others as valuable.
As the lyrics say,
To be humble, to be kind.
It is the giving of the peace in your mind.
To a stranger, To a friend
To give in such a way that has no end.
We are Love
We are One
We are how we treat each other when the day is done.
We are Peace
We are War
We are how we treat each other and Nothing More
To be bold, to be brave.
It is the thinking that the heart can still be saved
And the darkness can come quick
The Danger’s in the Anger and the hanging on to it.
Tell me what it is that you see
A world that’s filled with endless possibilities?
Heroes don’t look they used to, they look like you do.
This is Breanna’s message from heaven! Pay attention to how you are treating those around you. We are not separate from one another. You are the hero in your own life! Now go out there and save some hearts, including your own.
Thanks Breanna!
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 5, 2014 | Health, Nutrition, Sandie Lynch
How are you “loving” your heart?
This February is the 50th Anniversary of American Heart Month declared by President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1964. Since that time much research has been conducted to find strategies to protect our heart from disease and death. Although the number of deaths from cardiovascular disease (CVD) is declining, it is still the number one killer of women in the United States. One in four women dies from heart related disease every year, more than breast and other types of cancer.
The good news is most risk factors are preventable. Such as obtain and maintain a healthy weight, know your blood pressure, cholesterol and blood glucose numbers, don’t smoke, eat a healthy diet with at least 5 or more of fruits and vegetables each day, move your body daily, and love deeper, more often, and start with yourself.
Now if you internet search the topic of American Heart Month, you are sure to find a ton of great resources to guide you in lowering your risks. I have included a few of my favorites; National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and the American Heart Association. What you won’t find on most of these resources is the intervention of loving deeper. Let me explain, although most of the information on preventing heart disease has been around for years it has been very difficult for individuals to adhere to the recommendations. In the recent AHA statistical Update 2012 it stated that 26% of adults have only 3 of the primary cardiovascular health interventions at ideal levels and 4% having 6 metrics at ideal levels.
So what keeps individuals from being able to follow the recommendations? I believe that it is not necessarily a heart problem but a loving problem. Our heart is the sustainer of our life on earth, it was also made for love. When it is empty it hurts and we find ways to fill it with all sorts of things that are not necessarily healthy; junk or dead food, television, work, drugs, and the list goes on. I have found from my clients and personal experience that it is a matter of finding the ability to love ourselves that tears down the barriers to selfless self-care that allows us to build a healthy self-image, resilient body, create deeper more fulfilling relationships, and live a better quality of life.
So often we speak to ourselves in condemning ways and call ourselves awful names such as fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, weak, etc… Our brain processes all this information and will do its best to manifest what you believe and speak. The question lies, do you really believe all those horrible things or are you allowing excuses to create a life you don’t want.
Take time to assess your body for the blessings it provides you every day. What are you grateful for? Just appreciating the 5 senses; sight, taste, smell, hearing, and touch, provides us the ability to actively engage with our surroundings. It is up to us to choose our perspective of these experiences and how we want to respond. Will you choose to love what you have and take care of it or continue to dislike what is being created by speaking lies.
When we understand how valuable we really are, we learn to honor the body with kind healthy treatment. Our body is our friend, and the only physical companion we have every minute of our life. Talk to it kindly and encourage it to be its best. It is your temple in which to live your best life.
If you want to learn more, please join me at the February WBN (Women’s Business Network) luncheon at Dutch’s Daughter Restaurant at 581 Himes Ave, Frederick, MD 21703 on February 14th, from 11:30 where we will discuss the research and typical heart health interventions and dive deeper into loving deeper and how this is the key to truly have heart health!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch, Registered Dietitian, Personal Fitness Trainer, and “Wholistic” Well-being Coach. Sandie is the owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC where she teaches how to Attain Top Performance through 5 Key Principles to live your best life. (www.atphealthandfitness.com)
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 22, 2014 | Business, Carol deLaski, Success
What can be the impact of using one theme word for an entire year?
Now that I’ve used, One Word to Change Your Life, with clients, family, and friends for most of 2013, I’ve heard a variety of stories that answer just that question.
For those of you unfamiliar with this approach, the purpose of One Word is to create greater focus as we work, make decisions, and live fulfilling lives.
Different from resolutions or goal setting, One Word is simple, easy to remember, and yet powerful when applied regularly. Using a theme word as a lens throughout the year helps you gain new perspectives and empower you to live a more meaningful life based on your values.
A key component to the One Word process is that you receive it rather than choose it. Listening with your heart, and quieting your mind, your word will come to you from the universe, God, or whatever you call the spiritual energy which exists beyond you.
How do you know when you have your word? Trust your inner knowing and be open to confirmation coming from unexpected sources such as a song on the radio, a flyer in the mail, a street sign, or billboard.
One woman received the word Breathe and wrote to me, “I prayed for a sign that I had the right word and a few days later I was listening to a new radio station when I heard a song that I liked. When I checked to see who it was, the band’s name was ‘Need to Breathe’. I said to myself, Wow, and was thankful for the sign.”
Another wrote that she thought her word was Shepherd yet she doubted it. “I was like, ‘really?’ and so I prayed again, “Give me just one more sign so that I know for sure. While waiting at a stop light on my way to an appointment, I noticed that the lamp posts nearby looked like shepherd hooks. Right at that same moment, the radio station that I listen to played a song about Moses and I knew it was my word. What a sense of humor God has!”
Not all words are faith-based. Other words shared with me this year are:
Observe – this woman used it to notice her husband, children, and friends more to see what they needed, how she could help them, and to simply increase her awareness of what was going on around her.
Surrender – this man used his word to recognize when to delegate and share responsibilities with others. The word is helping him release the driving need to do it all himself and provides a new balanced perspective about teamwork.
Discipline – this woman used her word to focus on her health and children as well as her personal and professional life. It was the antidote for the chaotic feelings that busyness often brought to her life.
Important – this word reminded a young woman to regularly ask herself what’s important. “It helps me to make better, solid decisions.” She feels good about the path she is on as a result of often asking herself, “Is this important?”
I’ve seen a great variety of words used such as: Light, Ask, Journey, Plans, Open, Acceptance, Change, and more. The words Courage and Trust are frequent choices. Each word has helped the individual stretch and grow with a special purpose and meaning that none of us could anticipate when we started. That’s been part of the surprise…. and the impact of this tool.
For myself, I am transitioning away from my word for 2013, Believe, and preparing to receive a new word for 2014. I’ve struggled with my word, at times this year, whenever it uncomfortably spotlighted areas of my unbelief. Yet I have grown fond of it nonetheless and feel a bit reticent to release it.
In a conversation at a dinner party recently I realized that the word is a part of me now and will continue to guide me. This surprisingly deep discussion with a new acquaintance was about spirituality. He shared with me that he’s not religious and doesn’t know what he believes spiritually. As I asked him a series of thought-provoking questions he gained the awareness that his belief in something bigger than himself typically occurs in three situations:
- when he’s in nature and witnesses great beauty
- when synchronistic events occur and he knows that it happened for a reason
- and the last one was a bit humorous…when taking a test! Almost without thinking he praised the Lord when he recently received a good grade on a professional competency test. As he told me about it I was reminded of the old adage that there are no atheists in foxholes (or in classrooms). We both laughed as he found these insights into his own beliefs in this brief exchange.
As for me, I’m glad to know that the word Believe is an integral part of me now and will always be a lens through which I experience life and encourage others. I’m especially looking forward to see its ongoing impact as I publish my book Lost and Found in 2014. I’m curious to see the ripples that it will send out into the world and believe that it will be good. With confidence I can now look forward to a new year, a new word, and new growth.
What word are you receiving for 2014?
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a certified coach and author who will be presenting a workshop “Create Focus and Success with One Word” on January 23rd. If you are curious to learn more about this powerful tool and how to use it with teams, organizations, or individually go to www.caroldelaski.com for details and to pre-register. This workshop is sponsored by Frederick County Society for HR Management and is open to the public.
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 10, 2014 | Laura Hall
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”-Lewis Carroll
We are now about half way through the first month of 2014. I’m curious, have you thought about what you would like your life you look like in 2014? Do you know what direction you are headed in this year?
As a life coach, I believe it’s important to know where you want to go, because as the quote above reminds us, if you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.
But, how do you know where you want to go? Often in my life, I feel confused about where I want to go. My life sometimes feels like a giant vacation to Disneyworld and I can’t decide if I want to start at the Magic Kingdom or Animal Kingdom. So let’s say I choose Magic Kingdom, then that opens up more options…Where do we want to eat? Cinderella’s Royal Table?…The Crystal Palace?…Liberty Square Market?…The chioces can feel endless. Next comes the decision about what rides to ride. Do we want to start Space Mountain or It’s a Small World? Dumbo or the Tea Cups? Hopefully by now you get the point. Knowing where we want to go in life can frequently feel overwhelming and confusing.
So, to clear things up a little, I’d like to offer you 3 helpful steps you can use to design a 2014 of your choosing.
- Look back – For this step, I actually pull out my calendar as well as the pictures that I took over the last year. While I’m looking at where I’ve been, I am asking myself the questions:
- What worked for me last year that I want to carry with me into the coming year?
- What didn’t work that I want to let go of?
- What achievement and/or milestones did I reach?
- What goals did I set for myself that I didn’t reach?
- Look forward – I remember reading Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” many years ago, and the habit I use during this step is: Begin with the end in mind. I imagine myself during the first week of January a year from now and ask myself the following questions:
- What needs to happen this year in order for me to feel like I’ve had a successful year?
- Who do I want to be by the end of 2014? What character traits are important for me to develop or nurture?
- What changes do I want to make?
- Get into action – this step is about getting my ideas off paper and into the real world. This is where I set goals, tell my friends and family about what I hope to do in 2014 and who I hope to be, so they can help hold me accountable. I also pull out my calendar and start scheduling the things that are going to help steer me in the right direction.
As a recovering perfectionist, I find it necessary to remind myself that it’s about progress, not perfection. The value of setting goals and looking toward the future is in using it as a guiding star, not necessarily always reaching that destination. Life has been known to knock me off my planned path a time or two and what I’ve noticed is that 9 times out of 10 it was a course correction in a direction that was actually better for me! I do trust that my life is divinely guided! And even more important than what I am doing and how many things I am accomplishing, is who I am being in the process.
If you’d like to map out a plan for your 2014, I invite you to join me at Wholistic Woman Retreats first “retreat” of 2014. Our theme for the year is “Be Serene in 2014” and our first event is an evening workshop at Holly Hills Country Club in Ijamsville,MD on January 22nd titled, “Creating Your Vision for 2014”. For details click here! Don’t delay as the registration deadline is just a few days away on January 15th! Hope to see you there, and here’s to a serene 2014!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 11, 2013 | Laura Hall
“Go 24 hours without complaining. (Not even once.) Then watch how your life starts changing”
I saw this on Facebook the other day and it really struck a chord with me. You see, I believe that complaining has become a habit for many of us, and Iike most habits I think that it is probably easier to see complaining in other people than in ourselves.
Elizabeth Scott, MS writes in her article titled, “Why Do We Complain? And When Should We Stop?”, that there are several reasons why we are prone to complaining. One reason is the need to vent. When I think of venting, I think of the bottle of seltzer water I drink on a regular basis. When I unscrew the cap, there is an immediate release of pressure and then it is over. (Unless the bottle gets shaken up again) If you are venting, that’s great and will feel an immediate sense of relief, but if you are just complaining to complain, that’s a bad habit and I think for most of us, its a habit to complain.
According to Elizabeth, another reason we complain is because validation feels good. We all want to feel normal, and it feels good to hear someone else say, “Yeah, I know, I’d be upset too if that happened to me”.
She goes on to list several more reasons why we complain, including that complaining to others opens us up to solutions from others and may give us another perspective, and that complaining gets things done (I’m personally thinking about my husband here and how that can be true about when I complain about things like the trash needing to be taken out).
So while we may have good reasons for why we complain, the question I’ve been asking myself is, “What’s the cost of complaining?”. And that brings me back to the challenge posted on FB. One way we can find out the cost of something is to stop doing it and see what comes to us as a result. 24 hours without complaining…Since I’m generally a positive person and I don’t think I complain much to begin with, 24 hours seems relatively easy for me. I’m going to try a week without complaining. Today is Wednesday December 11th, 2013 and I am committing to myself, with you all as my witnesses, to go 1 week without complaining. So if you run into me in the next week and you hear me complaining, please remind me of my commitment. I’d love to have some company on this journey into non-complainingdom (yes, I made up that word). Who wants to join me? How long would you like to try not complaining? Let’s see how our lives will change 🙂 Maybe we will start a trend!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 4, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Change, Family, Holidays, Personal Development
What do you anticipate at this time of year? Amid the hustle and bustle of preparing for the holidays, what are the experiences that will make you pause and savor the moments? It’s easy to become so preoccupied with our to-do lists that we overlook or brush past those precious times of connection, laughter, and joy. Don’t miss it!
Perhaps you are like me and find yourself anticipating the look on someone’s face when you give them a gift that you’ve thoughtfully selected for them. For me, it will be giving the ‘Elf on the Shelf’ to my six-year-old granddaughter.
Shopping isn’t one of my favorite things to do, but when it comes to shopping for the children in my life, I must admit that I have trouble restraining myself. It happened recently when I was in a store and saw this whimsical elf on display. It caught my eye and brought a smile to my face, and I knew in an instant that it would have the same effect on my granddaughter. As I write this, I can picture her eager face as she enjoys the challenge of this game, which is to find the hidden elf in her home each day leading up to Christmas.
Looking forward to spending time together fills my heart with anticipation even more than gift giving does. This year, in addition to the Elf on the Shelf, I plan to make a gingerbread house with my granddaughter. I can picture her enthusiastic bright eyes as we put the puzzle pieces of the house together, sticky fingers being licked, gumdrops being carefully placed, and the feeling of her slender arms wrapped around my neck in a hug hold, as we survey the masterpiece we have created together. It doesn’t really matter how the gingerbread house looks. The joy is in those moments of fun, creativity, and connection as a new memory is being made. Who knows…perhaps it will even become a tradition.
The way in which holiday traditions form is an interesting phenomenon. There is comfort found in the routines which link one holiday to another; year in and year out. As a child, I remember wanting to hang a certain mistletoe ornament in the same place every year when we decorated our home. There was something very satisfying about recreating the atmosphere in which our family celebrated together.
As an adult, however, I was caught off guard when my children declared traditions had been started simply because we did something two years in a row. I realized that I needed to be mindful of what activities I repeated, since I never knew which ones they would take to heart and want to repeat annually! My sons had a strong desire to create our family’s unique traditions, many of which continue now that they are young adults. They can easily tell you the kind of tree we get, the cookies we bake, the way we open gifts, and what we eat on Christmas morning. It’s not so much what we do but that we do it together that matters. Our hearts are warmed when we both anticipate and perform our family’s rituals.
There is a flip side, however, to the happiness that traditions can invoke. During difficult years of upheaval and change, traditions may need to be altered. In my lifetime, separation and divorce dictated that we couldn’t continue certain ways of doing things. This occurred when my sons were young teenagers, and I remember how important it was to ask them what traditions they wanted to keep as our family went through this change. It was interesting to learn which ones no longer mattered to them. Having a say in the changes helped my children tremendously in adapting to new situations. My older son, Patrick, could care less about outdoor decorations, but my younger son, Ben, really enjoyed them. So a new tradition was formed that Ben and I became the two family members that decorated the outside of our home each year. Patrick loved a freshly cut tree, but instead of going to the farm and cutting it down ourselves, we adjusted to buying one from the Boy Scouts. Adaptations to our traditions were made, and we even formed new ones as our family evolved as a trio.
Knowing how and when to change traditions is as important as being aware of how and when they form. A dear friend of mine lost her mother to cancer this year. This will be her first Christmas without her mom, who was also her best friend. I admire how she has thoughtfully decided where she wants to be on this holiday, and with whom she wants to spend it. She knows that she will miss her mom no matter where she is, but she feels that being somewhere that her mom loved, and with the people her mom loved, will help her to connect with the spirit of the woman she longs for. Adapting her family traditions this year is what she needs to do to manage her sense of loss and grief.
Changing traditions can cause distress within families, particularly when everyone may not agree about those changes. Ultimately, we must each decide for ourselves what we need to create the comfort and connection that our hearts desire. No one knows better than you what will satisfy you to your core. Even if others don’t agree with your choices, I encourage you to persevere and choose the experiences and moments that will fill and overflow your heart with love.
Because a heart full of love is ultimately what this season of the year is all about. Love came down at Christmas and continues to come to us in many forms. My wish for you is that you will feel the light of love in your life as you capture the special moments this season has to offer.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a life leadership coach, author, and speaker. You may contact her at [email protected].
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