by Carol deLaski | Nov 13, 2015 | Laura Hall, Self-Care
What did you like to play with when you were a child?
Did you enjoy coloring, painting, molding clay, or building with blocks?
As you grew, did you nurture your imagination…or did you let your creativity drift away as the years passed by? It would be understandable if you did. Our tendencies to be original or to think-outside-the-box can be reduced as we grow up and are taught to fit in and conform. What would it be like to let yourself play creatively again as you did when you were younger?
If you had the chance…what would you do? Would you dig in the sand or dirt, or splash in water? Would you build a fort out of blankets, shining a flashlight underneath its sagging walls and imagining that it’s your own private world?
I recently had the opportunity to explore my creative side by playing with acrylic paints at an evening program hosted by Wholistic Woman Retreats. I have an eye for color and design, but I certainly don’t consider myself to be an artist. There are many others who are more gifted than I am in that area and I am okay with that.
Before I went to the event, I gave some thought to what I would like to paint. In my mind’s eye I envisioned a tree in autumn. Inspired by the beautiful fall colors outdoors, I wanted to capture these images on the canvas. I thought a fall tree would be a perfect representation of the changes that were occurring in my own life. I was thinking how I wanted this painting to remind me that changes can offer beauty even in the midst of loss and necessary endings. After the leaves wither and fall to the ground, the tree trunk still stands strong with a certain serenity as it waits throughout the winter months for new growth to return in the spring. I wanted to be beautiful and strong like a tree.
I was optimistic that I would be able to paint the tree in my mind’s eye with guidance from artist Shari Grandstaff and life coach Laura Hall. Laura taught us how to set our expectations and encouraged us to give ourselves permission to release any creative blocks that existed.
I gave myself permission to have fun!
It had been a gray, rainy day and I was feeling a bit gloomy when I arrived. I wanted to shake off the shadows that were hanging around the edges of my heart and mind. I chose to be playful and enjoy this activity instead of striving to make it a ‘project’, which would inherently feel stressful to me. No one would be grading my painting…except possibly me… so I decided to set the bar low and adopted ‘just have fun’ as my mantra.
I dumped out the contents of my materials bag which contained a variety of tools; fat and thin brushes, a sponge, decals, modge-podge, and glitter. I listened to basic advice offered by Shari and decided to dive in. I began by using my sponge to make the background color yellow. My gray mood began to lift as soon as I applied the bright paint to the white canvas. When the canvas was completely covered with yellow paint, I turned my attention to creating a sunset sky as a backdrop for my tree. Our palette contained only primary colors, so I began mixing red and yellow to create the orange shades that I desired. I chose a brush to apply big strokes of orange on top of the yellow and felt myself smile as my whole arm swung back and forth applying the paint. I blended spots of red into the yellow and orange and gazed in wonder at the beautiful array of colors before me.
The transformation within me was even more impressive. My spirits lifted as I focused on nothing more than creating and applying colors. I heard other painters around me asking questions and giving each other advice, but I concentrated on my own creative experience. Although it was tempting to look at what others were doing, I didn’t want to lose my momentum.
Once the sky was a beautiful blend of sunset colors I decided to paint my tree trunk. At this point in the process I asked, and listened to, the advice of others on blending colors to make brown. As I began to swirl colors together on my palette I realized that it was more challenging than I thought it would be. Soon, however, I had a satisfactory shade for the trunk and began to apply it to the canvas. I changed the side-to-side strokes that I had used for the sky to vertical up-and-down strokes for the trunk. I must admit that I got carried away as I kept applying more and more color to capture the look that I wanted for the trunk. The base of the trunk grew massive and the upper branches spread out across the entire canvas. My tree took on a life of its own as I lost myself in the rhythmic painting. It felt both soothing and expressive as I applied layers of paint to the trunk.
Eventually I had to make myself stop painting because my idea of a slender tree was now long gone and in its place was a massive, old, tree. I took a break from painting the trunk to dab leaf colors throughout the branches. It was coming alive for me now. I added some fallen leaves around the base of the tree and noticed how the autumn scene I envisioned was emerging.
When I stepped back and surveyed my work I was slightly taken-aback by the contrast between the image that I had started with and what was now on the canvas before me. I shook my head with a smile and admitted to myself that I had gotten carried away with the sheer joy of applying paint to the canvas. I proceeded to ask Shari for advice about slimming my tree trunk and she helped me use modge-podge and pinks in the background sky to blend and narrow it.
Painters around me offered encouragement when I lamented about the size of my tree, telling me that it looked like a ‘Wise’ tree. I tilted my head to one side and decided that they were right.It wasn’t the tree I planned to paint….but it was a fine tree nonetheless. In fact, in some ways it was better than what I had originally imagined.
How often do other parts of my life turn out differently, yet perhaps better, than I imagined?
With childlike grace I tried not to judge what I had created. I released my original idea of what I wanted it to be and accepted it for what it was. As I did so I reminded myself to repeat this practice in other arenas of my life as well. It’s okay to begin with an idea in mind, but as I begin to create something new I need to be open to it becoming something different….maybe something better.
As the evening ended I carefully painted my theme words for the past three years into the leaves to remind myself of their wisdom and guidance. With that I called it done.
My painting now sits on my mantle at home and each time I gaze at it a smile comes to my face…I feel lighter and brighter and a warm glow of acceptance fills me. I know that it’s good enough…and so am I.
How do you want to play today?
Wonder and joy awaits you when you give yourself permission to be creative.
This article was written by Carol deLaski, a professional certified coach, speaker, author, and co-founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats. She specializes in strengths development for businesses and individuals. To contact her email [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 2, 2015 | Fear, Laura Hall, Retreats
About a year ago a friend invited me to join her for a Paint Nite event. I had heard about these gatherings and had actually seen some finished projects on Facebook. I was impressed! However, the first thought that went through my head was, “I can’t paint. I would never be able to make something like that!”
In case you aren’t familiar with the concept, a Paint Nite works like this…a group of people get together, usually at a bar or restaurant, and over the course of about 2 hours they are guided step by step through the painting process. Everyone walks away with 16” x 20” canvas painting that has been modeled after the one the instructor brings.
Several years ago, I made the conscious decision to stop turning away from things that scared or intimidated me. My mantra was (and continues to be) feel the fear and do it anyway. This is how I practice courage. With this mantra in mind, I decided to say yes to the Paint Nite invitation. Here is a picture of my finished product 🙂 
That night I not only walked away with a painting I’m proud of, but I also walked away with some important life lessons that I’d like to share with you now.
Life Lesson #1 – Begin by beginning.
Honestly, the hardest part for me was putting the first stroke of paint on the canvas. My entire life I’ve wrestled with perfectionism and certainty. I wanted my picture to look just like the artist’s. I wanted to know that mine was going to turn out as good as the already completed painting she brought with her as an example. I wanted a gold star on my finished project. I was afraid to start because I didn’t want to fail, but that’s not feeling the fear and doing it anyway, so I grabbed the brush and began painting.
What I learned that night was that sometimes (dare I say most of the time) it’s impossible to predict the outcome of events with certainty. What I already knew, but needed to be reminded of, is that perfectionism is overrated and not helpful. Healthy striving is my goal, not perfectionism. Once its safe to leap, sometimes you just have to leap. There are many areas in my life where the lesson to begin by beginning applies. Blog writing, exercise, scrapbooking, clearing out my closet, and even things like difficult conversations that need to be had are a few areas that come to mind for me.
Life Lesson #2 – Permission slips work. Remember to use them!
One of the tools I use when working with coaching clients is permission slips. It comes from the Daring Greatly curriculum that is part of the certification I got based on the work of Brené Brown. The idea is to finish the statement…I give myself permission to ____________. Permission slips help me get clear about what’s holding me back and they help me show up more fully. During Paint Nite I gave myself permission to be disappointed in my final project, to be a beginner, and to have fun with my friends. As soon as I gave myself this permission everything changed. I was able to be in the moment with the painting. It was a fun night!
Life Lesson #3 – Be careful with comparison.
During my Paint Nite experience, I found myself looking not only at the instructor’s painting for reference, but also at the paintings of the people around me. There were times during the night that looking around gave me inspiration, but there were also times when looking around only made me feel like my painting wasn’t measuring up. There seems to be a tipping point for me.
What I learned that night is that comparison has two sides. There is the side that motivates and inspires me, like when I’m working out and I notice the person beside me really pushing herself and I think, I could try a little harder, and there is also the side that leads to feelings of not enough, like when I’m at a Paint Nite and I look at the masterpiece being created next to me and I think, Wow, my painting stinks!. Being careful to notice when comparison tips from inspiration to scarcity is something I need to be on the look out for on a regular basis.
Now it’s your turn…
If you’d like to learn your own life lessons, consider joining us on October 28th for Be Creative. The evening will be a blend of art project and life coaching. As Shari, our artist for the evening, leads you through the painting process, I will coach you on topics such as perfectionism, comparison, courage, and permission. You will walk away not only with a beautiful piece of art, but also with your own life lesson takeaways. For more information Click Here.
Register today as space is limited
Do you love your life? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 28, 2015 | Change, Donna Kettell, Personal Development, Professional Development
4 Steps to Help You Bring Your Vision to Reality
Have you ever wanted something in your life yet didn’t know how to begin to bring it into reality? Most likely, each day, there is something that we each would like to change or enhance about our lives. Whether we desire a much needed career change, a more satisfying significant relationship, a physical body that is pounds lighter and toned, or perhaps it’s a more balanced life with more joy and less stress! Whatever it might be, I have found that a personal visualization practice can help to manifest what you desire in your life.
I have made visualization a daily intention and have incorporated it into my coaching practice as a significant way to help others get focused on what they really want in their lives and, then bring those things into realization. It can definitely be a practice that works hand in hand with meditation, prayer and a positive outlook.
You may have heard the term visualization before but are wondering, what exactly is visualization? It’s a powerful tool that allows you to use your imagination to create a clear focused image of what you want in your life. And then, by focusing on it often, and sincerely believing in it, you will be able to manifest those things in life.
Let’s talk about some of the key steps of visualization.
First, relax to ensure the most effective visualization.
Quiet your mind from thinking about your to do list for a little bit. Do some deep breathing and relax your whole body. Research has shown that when we relax, our brain wave pattern changes from beta level to alpha level. The alpha level is found to be more effective in creating change through the visualization process.
Second, use your imagination to create a vivid picture of what you want in your life.
What does that look like? Picture yourself with your goal realized, as if it is really happening. How does it make you feel when you think about having that in your life? Create as many details as possible about it – use all of your senses – how does it look, sound, smell, feel, etc.
Third, focus on the picture you have created regularly, believing in your visualization.
When you first wake up and right before you go to sleep tend to be very productive times to visualize because you are in a more relaxed state then. However, you can do it as often as you like throughout the day.
Fourth, create positive statements, called affirmations, to shift any limiting beliefs that may be holding you back from realizing what you want in your life.
Affirmations work best when they are positive, concise and stated in the present tense.
A few examples of affirmations are, “I am joyful and balanced and can have all I want in my life”. “I am healthy and fit”. “I live a happy exciting life!”
Affirmations will help you to shift your doubts, fears and worry and get in a more powerful positive mindset. They allow you to focus on thoughts that support your vision rather than focusing on the reasons that you might have thought you could not create what you wanted to bring into your life.
Visualizing positive outcomes and picturing them as if they are currently happening is really empowering and has given me and my coaching clients the ability to embrace challenges in a more positive light. And, by being intentional in creating daily positive affirmations, I have seen my energy level for working through challenging situations increase and my ability to be successful in reaching goals strengthened. At times, I am still amazed at how much more easily things fall into place when I use visualization. The practice of visualization can quickly shift my mindset and then change the way I approach the things I set out to do each day. I am excited about the energy shift that visualization provides. When you feel energized with a positive outlook, you can accomplish amazing things every single day.
As you can probably tell, I have a true passion for this topic because it has brought wonderful things into my life seemingly effortlessly. I would love to share my experiences and provide you with some easy yet powerful tools to bring a daily visualization practice into your own life!
If you are ready to bring the things that you most desire into your life now, I am offering a workshop series beginning October 26th. For details on the workshop visit: http://visualizationtorealization.gr8.com/
If you have any questions about the workshop series, this blog, or other coaching opportunities, I would welcome the opportunity to talk with you! Please feel free to reach out to me directly —
Donna Kettell, Certified Professional Coach
Wholistic Woman Retreats, Affiliate Coach
Founder, Kettell Coaching [email protected]
410 978 3492
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 3, 2015 | Change, Jeanette Eleff, Retreats
“I just don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life.” This is the declaration I had just heard from the beautiful, forty-something woman sitting across the table from me. For the sake of this article I will refer to this woman as “Cathy”.
Cathy had a successful upper level management career, but she had reached a crossroad in her life – her sons were moving out of the house and her image as a mother and wife was changing. She was feeling down because her next move was unknown and not planned out. Cathy came to me to seek the support of a life coach to help her figure out her life’s desires.
Cathy’s situation was not unusual. I had heard her story many, many times from other women: “I don’t know what I want to do; I am not in touch with what will bring me joy; I don’t even know what joy looks like.”
The first step we took in our work together was to give Cathy permission to slow down and take the time to really think about what she wanted in her life. She personalized definitions for words that were foreign to her like joy and fun. She created her own meaning for “Fabulousity” and she created tools that spoke her vision language and kept her dream of an adventurous life in front of her. We worked and danced as coach and life-student for one year and our blueprint was always her personalized life vision.
Today Cathy is beaming with her own Fabulousity: she has fun with her photography, she weathered a relationship breakup and bought a beautiful home, she goes on adventures daily and she is embracing the role as a new grandmother. Cathy has found her joy – it all began when she took the time to craft out her life’s vision.
You too can be like Cathy – beaming with Fabulousity! Everything you want to manifest in your life begins with a vision. Slow down and take the time to join me and the Wholistic coaches on Wednesday, September 30 at 5:15 as I present Be Fabulous – In Your Life’s Vision. I’ll review my top strategies that you can follow to get in touch with what you really want your life to look like – regardless of where you are now. I’ll also share some creative ways, including a vision board, in which you can keep your fabulous vision of your life in front of you. You will walk away with a piece of your Fabulousity – what a great way to approach 2016! Click here if you’d like to register for this ‘Fabulous’ event.
Be Fabulous!
Jeanette
Today’s author: Jeanette Eleff, with Focused Vitality, is a success coach who helps people identify their vision for a successful life and/or business. She then shows them how to stay focused on the activities and mindsets that will help them achieve their goal.
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 21, 2015 | Carol deLaski, Change, Retreats
Are you being all that you were created to be?
Sometimes I answer this question with a resounding YES! It’s usually when I feel that I’m having a positive impact on my world and others….when I’m using my God-given talents to be and do my best.
All too often, though, the answer to the question is a definite NO. Admittedly, in my humanity, I fall short of being my best on a regular basis. An inner, self-critical voice frequently tells me how I am not measuring up and never will. If I listen to the voice too closely I begin to believe that I shouldn’t even try. It tells me to play safe and small, not to speak up, and not to take risks.
Fortunately, I have learned how to manage my inner critic. I listen to it only to the extent of admitting that I didn’t do my best and that I could do better….and then I turn to curiosity and ask myself how I could improve next time. I maintain an open mind and consciously let go of self-judgment to try to learn from my shortfalls.
With this mindset, my life is a series of ups and downs that provide me with joy when things are going well, and life lessons when things are disappointing and hard. Perhaps the same is true for you.
At the heart of my growth process is self-awareness, or consciousness. I believe that the best way to navigate the highs and lows of life is by knowing, loving, and accepting ourselves….and when our ability to do that falls short, to trust that there is a Higher Power/God, who knows, loves and accepts us.
An important perspective is acknowledging that I am a work-in-progress. Rather than harshly berating myself when I make mistakes, I have learned to treat myself like I would a good friend. I can change the channel of that voice in my head to a station that speaks loving-kindness and affirmations that encourage rather than discourage me. Listening to that channel doesn’t remove the disappointment that I feel with myself, but it motivates me to learn and grow from a source of compassion and helps me release criticism.
As a professional coach I teach, and use many tools to develop self-awareness. One of the best tools I’ve found is Gallup’s Strengths Finder assessment, which provides individuals information about their top 5 talents. When we make an effort to learn about our talents, and practice using them effectively, they become strengths – characteristics that we can consistently use to produce positive outcomes at work and in life overall.
Each of our strengths has a light and dark side. The light side refers to those times when our strengths are serving us well and bringing about those positive outcomes I referred to above. The dark side, by contrast, is when our strengths do not serve us well. It’s important to know the warning signs when we are starting to drift into the shadow side of our strengths so that we can self-correct and return to the light side.
I will give you a couple of examples:
My top strength is Empathy. Gallup defines this strength as an ability to sense other’s emotions. I define it as being highly sensitive and tuned-in on an emotional level. Some might call it emotional intelligence. When my strength is serving me well, I am able to meet others where they are and connect with them on an emotional level to support them in the way that is best for them at that moment. This sixth sense helps me understand the emotional climate of an individual or a group, sometimes with a deeper awareness than they themselves may have. I drift into the shadows when I lose sight of the healthy boundaries between me and someone else and I actually take on their feelings. I can lose myself in another person’s emotional landscape by caring too much. This isn’t beneficial for me or the other person, so I have learned how to create boundaries that help me to be a successful coach to others and fully present and well-balanced in my own life.
I’ve spoken to many clients who have the strengths of Achiever and Responsibility. These people know how to get things done and they do it with a great attitude. They enjoy checking things off a mental or physical list and get great satisfaction from tasks being completed. They are ‘can-do’ people and are crucial to have on your team because they will ‘get it done’. That’s the good side. The dark side is that they can overwhelm themselves with how much there is to do and get stuck there; they can risk burning out by trying to do it all; or they can overstep boundaries and do things that other people need to do. A perfect example is a parent who needs to refrain from picking up after a child in order to teach her how to do it herself. We know that if we always do tasks for our children they won’t learn to become responsible adults and the same is true in other areas of our lives.
Another strength of mine is called Developer, which Gallup defines as having the desire and ability to help others reach their full potential. In my life, I’ve been able to express this strength in a variety of ways…as a teacher, a parent, and a professional coach. I feel deep satisfaction when I can support a client, friend, or loved one in being brave and taking the next step in their personal growth…in their lifelong journey to wholeness. The dark side of this strength is when I can see what’s possible (and my Strategic strength can see how to get there), but I’m way ahead of the other person. I need to remind myself that we each grow at our own pace, and wake up to consciousness when we are ready. I can provide fertile soil for growth but each seedling sprouts and grows in its own time. I must remember to respect each person’s pace, whether it is swift or, to me, excruciatingly slow.
I was inspired recently by an article written by Sandie Lynch, a friend and coach colleague. She shared 6 steps to develop self-worth and feel complete (or whole). They were all helpful, yet one especially resonated with me. It was the reminder to embrace our uniqueness.
Sandie states: “There are no two people who are the same. Each of us has unique gifts and talents which we possess when we are born. Our experiences develop our talents into strengths that when applied makes our part of the world a better place. Trust that you make a difference!”
I believe that knowing and developing your talents into strengths which you can consistently use for the benefit of yourself and others is pivotal to realizing your full potential and being your best.
How will you know, like, and trust your strengths more?
Here are two suggestions to start (or continue) you on that lifelong journey.
1) Change your inner critic to an inner coach. Cultivate core honesty with yourself, which is grounded in love and self-acceptance. Encourage yourself instead of discouraging yourself by treating yourself as you would a dear friend.
2) Learn about your strengths…both the light and dark sides… and practice ways to self-correct when you drift into the shadows. Draw healthy boundaries around them so that they make positive contributions and don’t overwhelm yourself or others.
I deeply believe that you are designed by God to be uniquely special. It is my hope that you will develop your inner strengths to be your best in all areas of your life.
An invitation: If you would like to learn more about being whole and living into your best self please join us for a Wholistic Woman Evening Retreat, Be Complete, led by Coach Sandie Lynch on 8/26 from 5:30-7 pm. Click here for details and to register.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC is a speaker, author, and coach who specializes in strengths development for individuals, businesses, and teams. You may contact her at [email protected] to arrange a complimentary call to see how strengths training can help you or your organization.
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 12, 2015 | Courage, Kelye Rouse-Brown
I declare today my brave day. Everyone has one of those days, right?
Today is the 4th anniversary of being a breast cancer survivor and taking charge of my health and future. What a journey it has been and today I reflect on the day. I wonder…when you go through something major in your life does it add a protective shield or a layer of “I can do anything” to who you are?
Four years ago, I underwent a thirteen hour procedure. Today I think about the timing of it all. The prepping for surgery, removal of my cancer, and reconstruction lasted half a day. Pretty amazing when you think about it! I think of the competent surgeons and nurses, and my friends and family on the sidelines. I think about how I was treated during the day. I have very clear memories of everything that happened before I went under anesthesia.
I had a team of people present with me before going into surgery. My team consisted of my sister-in-laws, Tobi and Linda, my Dad and stepmom Gail, my godmother Joan, my oldest high school friend Rachel, and of course, my supportive husband Steve. I would have loved for my mom to be there but she was not healthy enough to be at the hospital with us. My mom had been battling ovarian cancer for ten years prior to my diagnosis – a huge milestone for anyone with that type of cancer. She was my model for bravery. Now it was my time to fight!
As I reflect, I wonder…Why was I so brave and relaxed? Let’s see:
- My support team of family and friends by my side
- My competent surgeons and staff on hand
- My own positive mental attitude
My fight was planned from the start when my mother and I were diagnosed with the genes associated with hereditary breast and ovarian cancer called BRCA1. I had a 50% chance of carrying the mutation, so it wasn’t a total shocker to test positive for it. In fact, my breast cancer detection was caught early. I was at stage zero. It doesn’t get better than that!
My surgery lasted 13 hours but really this event of mine will last a lifetime. I think when you’ve experienced something of this magnitude you earn the right to have a brave day. That’s how I see it and why I declare today that day for me!
Do you have a day you can declare your brave day?
Just weeks ago I did something brave at our Wholistic Woman Adventure Retreat – Be Courageous. I faced a new challenge called The Leap of Faith. The picture you see in this post is me at the top of The Leap of Faith. As I climbed a 22 foot pole, one step at a time, to reach the top and stand tall, I was reminded of my brave day. The same components were in place. I had a supportive coaching team and community, a competent staff, and most of all, my positive attitude!
Four years ago I underwent a major, life changing event. I think about the protective shield that I now carry with me as a result of “my brave day”, and realize it is what prepares me for all the challenges ahead. Challenges like The Leap of Faith as well as challenges still yet to come. If you’d like inspiration to declare your brave day, check out our photo gallery of brave women participating in ‘Be Courageous’ by clicking here.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown, CHA, CHT is a business owner, joint venture partner, HR expert, certified coach and training professional. Her 3 components: Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate are what help her clients develop, spark action and grow a successful career/business and life from the core. Kelye can be reached at 301-371-9300 or by visiting her website: krbtrainingsolutions.com
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