by Carol deLaski | Nov 25, 2011 | Family, Health, Holidays, Laura Hall
I am writing this the week of Thanksgiving and as I sit here in the midst of preparing for the 20+ people that will be dining with us here on Thursday, I am gently reminding myself to stay focused on the intentions behind the festivities and not get bogged down with the details. As a “recovering perfectionist”, I have a tendency to stress over needing everything to be just right, and in this stressing I oftentimes lose sight of what’s really important. What a great question that can be…What’s really important?
For me, when I really think about it, the answer is simple… it’s spending time with those I love and having the opportunity to express what I am truly grateful for. It’s not important that my house is perfectly clean, or that I’ve decorated like Martha Stewart, or that my menu is ideal. I’m willing to let go of perfectionism and in doing that I’ve found the secret to my “perfect” Thanksgiving. Perfect for me comes from seeing the smiles on the faces of my children, my nieces and my nephew as they spend time playing together. Perfect is having 3 generations gathered around the dinner table. Perfect is having my 13 year old daughter tell me that Thanksgiving is her favorite holiday. Perfect is when we all gather in a circle before our meal to count our blessings. Perfect is knowing that we are creating memories to last a lifetime. That’s what’s really important to me.
Now, it’s your turn…What are the ingredients to your “perfect” Thanksgiving? Are there things you are stressing about that really aren’t that important? How can you let them go? I look forward to reading your answers and Happy “Perfect” Thanksgiving!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach who believes every woman deserves a coach. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Nov 2, 2011 | Carol deLaski, Family, Finances, Success
Using Goals and Intentions effectively to get what you want.
While traveling recently to visit my son at college I took a wrong turn. Since I’ve done this trip numerous times over the years I had boldly set off without written directions or even a GPS. I was sure I knew the way and scoffed at any suggestion that I should prepare for the trip by printing MapQuest directions or borrowing a friend’s GPS. After all, there weren’t that many turns and I was sure I’d recognize the signs and landmarks as they appeared. I didn’t. It’s been many months since I last did the trip so when the exit sign for 220A appeared, I couldn’t remember if I needed to take it, or if there would be another exit for 220. Making a snap decision I decided to take it and immediately began to wonder if I had done the right thing. Was this going to get me where I wanted to go?
Isn’t that how life is sometimes? We know where we want to go but we don’t do what’s necessary to prepare and thus ensure our success in getting there. Whether we’re overconfident (as I was) or simply naïve in knowing what’s necessary, we sometimes set off without considering how we’re going to get where we want to go.
Goals and intentions are two useful tools to ensure our success. We can think of our intentions like the destination on a trip. We know we want to go to San Francisco, for example. There are lots of ways to get there, though, and goal setting is how we choose our specific route. Many considerations need to be taken into account when choosing the steps, or route, that will best get you to your destination. The steps that are right for you may not be right for someone else. Consulting outside sources, as well as your own inner wisdom, will help you decide which steps will get you where you want to go.
Intentions describe the passion or purpose behind an act or change. They are based on your values and priorities and act as a guiding light to help you navigate your way toward the reality you want to create. They are the what and why that guide and limit your actions or behavior. For example, a fitness intention may be to improve your health so that you feel better and can keep up with your partner or kids.
Goals, on the other hand, define a series of steps required to complete the intention. Goals are the how, when and where of the change you wish to create. In our fitness example, it might be “My goal is to lose 10 lbs, start doing yoga, and clean up my diet.”
Goals are to intentions as driving directions are to a destination. What goals do you need to set today to move toward the destination you want in your health, finances, relationships, or career?
On 220A I decided to contact someone who had access to a map, as well as my son who has driven this route many times. Both confirmed I had taken a wrong turn, however, with the help of road signs I eventually found my way to 220. Detours and wrong turns aren’t the end of the world, but they create uncertainty and angst. With the help of others I got back on track and I learned a lesson that I hopefully won’t forget . The next time I hit the road I will prepare better by consulting a tour book or travel guide to explore the many ways to get to my destination.
When preparing for a life change it’s wise to work with a guide as well. Whether you’re going to San Francisco, a healthier lifestyle, or a new career, carefully choose the steps that will get you there.
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 6, 2011 | Carol deLaski, Family, Health
Have you ever taken an exercise class or worked with a personal trainer to improve your physical health? One benefit is that the trainer helps you focus on how you’re doing specific movements. With that focus we begin to see what needs to be changed to get different results.
Many of us take our bodies and the way they move, for granted. We are often unaware of the habitual ways we move. Past injuries and repetitive motions ingrain an unconscious pattern to our physical movements that can be limiting and even harmful to our long term health. A skilled physical trainer can help us become aware of these habitual patterns of movement. With that awareness we can modify the movement to bring about more desirable results. Focused attention on our breath (which we often hold), or reaching fully into a stretch, or isolating a specific muscle as we exercise, contributes to developing an overall more mindful presence in our bodies. We ‘show up’ in our own skin and lose the sense of disconnectedness we once felt.
Athletes, and those of us who simply wish to be physically healthier, look to trained professionals to help us understand our current movement patterns and help us find, and implement, healthier options. The same holds true for understanding our mind and heart patterns. We develop habitual behaviors that don’t always bring about the results we desire. Procrastination, perfectionism, and busy-ness are just some of the areas we can struggle with repeatedly.
Awareness is the key to starting the change process. First we must know what we do, and how it’s impacting us, before we can create any modifications. This awareness happens at a rapid pace when we work with a trained professional, or coach, who guides and reflects back to us what they see. Beyond physical awareness, we benefit from becoming aware of how our thoughts or feelings are creating patterns of behavior in our lives that may not be serving us well. As we become aware of these thought and feeling patterns we then experience a moment of choice. Will you continue to do it as you always have or will you modify them to create different results? The choice is yours. Just as a physical trainer teaches you how to move your body differently, a life coach guides you to life movements, or choices, that promote your overall well being – mental, emotional, physical and even spiritual.
Awareness creates choice. Choice offers options. Options empower us to move forward one step at a time. That movement creates positive energy and we are encouraged to start the cycle all over again. With consistent action we create new habits, or behaviors, that bring about the results we desire in our lives.
Creating change in a mindful and purposeful way takes effort. Having a support team to help you achieve the changes you want to see in your life is a clear advantage and will ensure your success. Who is on your team? Who can best help you create the change you want in your personal and professional life? Just as you choose an exercise class, or 1-1 time with a physical trainer, to support your physical growth, consider how a workshop, or 1-1 time with a life coach, can support you overall. Intentional growth workshops are available this fall at PIOMA Performance Fitness Studio in Middletown, MD.
Intentional Growth Workshops
Instructor: Carol Hayes
Dates are located on the Clear Choices Coaching Events Calendar
All workshops: 7- 8:30 pm.
PIOMA Performance Fitness – 7 Main St., Middletown, MD.
$20 per workshop or 3/$55 or all 6 for $105
To sign-up for this or any upcoming workshop, please contact Carol Hayes:
Email: [email protected]
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 28, 2011 | Health, Linda Norris, Success
If you visit any Farmers Market or the local produce section of the supermarket, there’s one thing you’ll notice this time of year: a plethora of all types, colors and varieties of fruits and vegetables.
Wouldn’t it be nice if we had that abundance year-round? If you can, or have a big freezer in the dead of winter you can do as our ancestors and taste fresh squash, or savor your salsa from the summer’s heirloom tomatoes.
We all have sparse points in our lives, when this season’s abundance seems thin—a dearth of fresh ideas, of happy thoughts, or of positive people. Instead, frustrations seem to reign and we struggle to make any progress. However, as with harvest vegetables, it takes work, some planning, and conscious effort to make sure you have plenty when it doesn’t seem obvious or available.
Avoid Scarcity Thinking.
Examples:
- “You can’t change it, we’ve always done it that way.” (Can stop a church committee looking for ways to recruit new members dead in its tracks!)
- “Better not help him out, he’ll never be there for you.” (Can keep a loving person from acting with compassion towards another family member when paybacks become part of the equation).
- “If I share that idea she might take it and use it against me.” (Can keep smart people from offering good ideas!)
- “If we tell our employees what’s really going on, we might look foolish.” (Can keep nervous employers from taking advantage of the idea pool that they have in their employee base when their business hits a rocky road.)
Scarcity thinking like this happens because it the thinker is missing one big element: trust. If it’s you doing thinking this way, learn to recognize it from the examples above, stop yourself and breathe. You usually know when you’re in scarcity thinking because your brows crease, you get a headache, your chest tightens and you feel a sense of dread, anger or anxiety. Once you learn to recognize it, let go of your thought and the control you need over the outcome, and relax. Trust that the right answer will come.
If someone else has captured you in scarcity thinking, run!
There are endless ways to skin a cat.
Once you have opened up your mind and let go of scarcity, brainstorm. Sit down with a blank piece of paper; consciously let of the outcome that has you panicked, and let it flow–any idea you can think of. If another person at your work, or in your family, is the one dragging you down, convince them to try it with you. Look for alternatives—you will be amazed at how many are available to you.
In scenarios involving this mode of thought, the promoter usually doesn’t trust:
a) that people would be willing to compromise, given the opportunity;
b) that there is more one way to achieve an answer, a resolution or fulfill a need or
c) that there can be multiple “winners”.
Yet, when you think about some of the situations in your life when you have been able to work successfully, in consensus with others…aren’t these ultimately the “stickiest” (longest-lasting) and most pleasant to recall?
Also, have you ever noticed that when you bang your head against the wall to try to make a situation work the way you think it’s supposed to, and it doesn’t, inevitably……..it works itself in some new—and better—way.
Opportunities always abound for those who have a mind that is open to look for them. Remember to “can” your optimism, when the harvest is looking low, twist the lid open and smell deeply of the abundance of summer tomatoes.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 13, 2011 | Linda Norris
Comfort Zones Successfully Breached!! Growth Ahead!!
The Spring Retreat—It was a weekend of growth for all of us—participants, coaches and practitioners.
I imagine many of us feel like a rubber band—in a good way.
March 18th and 19th may have come and gone, but the glow is undoubtedly still there for those of us who came to the 2nd Annual “Spring into Wellness” Retreat (the third retreat for Wholistic Woman Retreats, including last fall’s event) who are working to “keep the flame alive”, as coach Jeanette Eleff urged us at the closing session.
We all stretched ourselves as we not only experienced self-exploration and relaxation as we usually do at our retreats, but had some new experiences that added a dimension of energy and excitement that came from the opportunities we had at our newest venue—Capital Retreat Center in Waynesboro, PA.
Consider:
- CULTURAL EXPOSURE: We learned about what, for many of us, was a new ethnic experience as we “kept kosher” at the facility, which in the summer becomes a large retreat center for Jewish young people from across the country.
- CONVIVIALITY AROUND THE CAMPFIRE: Our Friday night relaxation was taken around a huge campfire we were able to share near our lodges. It was a great way to “wind down” into the weekend make new friends and link back up with past retreat connections.
- CAREENING DOWN A ZIPLINE: Nearly all of us took a ride down the Xx-foot zipline that extends over the lake at CRC! What a rush…everyone agreed that first step off the platform was the scariest—but after that, the ride was awesome! (Is this a metaphor for life or what?)
[yframe url=’http://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.youtube.com/watch?v=oI3TT8ciDkA’]
The stage for Saturday’s learning was set by coach Sandie Lynch, who kicked off our morning with a thoughtful and thought-provoking way of looking at our lives as we look at the seasons—and giving ourselves permission to fully experience each season, even winter, which people normally think must be “endured”, “survived” and left behind as quickly as possible. She taught us to cherish each season of our lives.
Tune in next week as we blog about what we experienced in our sessions!
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