by Carol deLaski | Feb 26, 2014 | Carol deLaski
Have you ever lost something? Perhaps, like me, you’ve experienced misplacing your keys or cell phone and felt the mild panic that arises as you mentally and physically retrace your steps to try and find them. It is also possible to lose less tangible things like your cool, your confidence, your perspective, or even your purpose or your hope, Sometimes you may not even realize that you’ve lost something important. The awareness can dawn slowly,or at other times in a pivotal moment of insight.
We humans can become physically lost as well. For those of us who are geographically challenged, we can become disoriented, confused, and unsure of how to get where we want to go. Not only can this happen with physical orientation, but we can also get off-track in our careers or our life plan. Questions such as, “How did I get here?” and “Is this all there is?” can arise when we pause to observe where we’ve ended up in our lives.
Collectively, many of us know what it’s like to lose what’s important to us…as well as what it’s like to be lost ourselves. We know what that anxiety (perhaps downright panic) feels like when we realize something important is missing. As a professional coach, I have had the opportunity to witness the discomfort of those who are searching for something, as well as the relief and joy they experience when they get back on track and begin to find what they need. In my work with many clients I have found five steps that move searchers through a Lost and Found Process of self-discovery.
- Realize something is missing – As mentioned previously, whether awareness dawns slowly or in an intense moment of insight, this initial step is when we realize that there is a gap or a hole that needs to be filled. Recognizing and admitting this need sets us up for the second step.
- Be willing to search – Just as we must look for our keys to get where we want to go, so we must also search for the less tangible things that are missing. Our level of discomfort in step one will determine if we search half-heartedly or jump in with both feet to find what is missing.
- Be open to guidance – While it’s crucial to take responsibility for your own search, it’s also important to remember that you can learn from other peoples’ experiences. Being open and letting others know what we are looking for can be a humbling occurrence which may stir up feelings of vulnerability. Yet when we do so, we create opportunities to integrate the wisdom of others in our search and to develop a supportive team.
- Wait for it– For those of us who are doers and enjoy being active,this step may be the most difficult. There are times, however, when we have done all that we can to find what we need and we simply have to wait for it to appear. Be patient and trust that it will come at just the right time. And when what we are seeking emerges, be sure that you don’t overlook the last step.
- Celebrate – When we have found what we are looking for, in this key step we take time to honor our discovery in some fashion. Instinctively, many of us just keep going…..searching for the next thing. But it is important to pause and acknowledge that we now have what we need, that a gap has been filled in our lives, and to let others know about it. We now join the ranks of those who are guides for others who may be searching for the same thing. Rejoice and receive it fully. Then share your unique understanding to offer your inspiration and hope to those who are seeking it.
This is a process for self-discovery…one that will take us from a place of need to a place of fullness. In my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, I share my story of searching and finding what I needed, while encouraging readers to do the same. To that end, each chapter includes reflection questions for contemplation, journaling, or discussion; providing readers the opportunity to develop their own story as they read mine.
As I celebrate the completion of my book I am practicing step five in two significant ways.
The first is a soft launch of the book at the Wholistic Woman Spring Retreat in Thurmont, MD on March 22nd from 8:00AM– 5:00PM. In this beautiful mountain lodge setting, women will explore their own lost and found stories and share what strengthens them in the face of adversity. Sharing what we have found creates a well of wisdom from which we can all draw strength. Breakout sessions will focus on developing your own definition of self-care and faith. Attendees will clarify what they put their faith in and how to move gracefully in the all too common dance between fear/doubt and trust/faith. This reflective and restorative retreat prepares women to return to their lives ready for give more fully to their families, careers, or whatever they feel passionate about. For more details or to register for this first and very special retreat based on Lost and Found, click here.
The second celebration will be the official launch of Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith on April 4th in Frederick, Md., from 6:00–8:30 PM at Unique Optique, 9 W. Patrick Street. You are warmly invited to attend this book signing event to celebrate with me. For details, click here.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is an author, speaker, and professional coach who engages individuals and businesses in positive growth. Write to her at [email protected]
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 17, 2014 | Business, Carol deLaski, Professional Development
Are you engaged or disengaged with your work?
If you admit to feeling disengaged, you’re not alone. Studies show that a whopping 71% of the US workforce is not engaged in their work. While it’s good to know that we’re not alone, it makes me wonder how the 29% who feel engaged are accomplishing this. How do they do it?
What would it be like to wake up energized and enthusiastic about going to work every day?
What would it be like to be the CEO – chief engagement officer – of your work and your life? How can we change our energy about the work we do each day?
Here are 5 ways to increase your level of engagement:
Communicate– Unplug and have real face time conversations as much as possible. Create a genuine connection by talking about more than just work. Showing interest in someone as an individual goes a long way towards creating a lasting impression. You will become a communication model and inspire others as you cultivate real connections.
Listen and learn – to your staff, co-workers, and customers. They all have something valuable to say, and when you listen attentively you will learn what is most important to them. The simple act of listening sends a message to them that you are interested in who they are and what they have to say.
Care – Give your full attention to the people you interact with every day. Being thoughtful goes a long way towards creating positive energy. It often sparks mutual caring among teammates and colleagues and builds constructive relationships.
Atmosphere – Create a positive atmosphere. Choose to smile and make eye contact. Energy is contagious. When you opt to be positive it will ripple out to others in your circle of influence.
Praise – Catch people doing things right and tell them how great they are. People strive to do better when their efforts are noticed and appreciated.
Whether you manage a team or work independently, your level of engagement affects not only how you feel but also the bottom line. You will eliminate the cost of lost productivity, absenteeism, and disgruntled behavior by connecting with those around you.
There are two approaches that affirm and increase positive connections for individuals and teams.
1- Focus on what’s right by identifying your own and your co-workers strengths. In a world where we tend to focus on what’s wrong and what needs fixing, it can be refreshingly positive to instead focus on what is working. How do each person’s strengths benefit the team’s efforts and lead to greater success? What would happen if you developed those strengths further and empowered each person to do their best, and to be their best? What would be the impact on the bottom line if each employee was empowered to use their strengths fully?
2- Focus on a theme. Use the One Word approach to expand your awareness and center your attention over an entire year on an attribute that promotes your growth and success. Teams and organizations that are using this approach organize individuals collectively behind a common purpose and hold a vision before them for mutual success.
These two approaches for greater Focus develop the character of those who use them. That character development impacts the actions that they take. Those actions have an influence on their level of engagement and the success of the company…..as well asother activities they give their attention to.
What is one step you’re willing to take today to be more engaging?
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a certified leadership coach and speaker. She will be leading a Breakthrough Workshop for Women: Stay Focused, Stay Motivated with One Word on February 19th from 9-10:30 am. Click here for more details and to pre-register
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 13, 2014 | Family, Laura Hall
This is a picture of me and my cousin, Breanna, on my wedding day. Two days ago, on February 11, 2014, she was killed in a car accident. She was a passenger in a car which slid off a snow-covered road in North Carolina. My initial reaction was one of shock and denial. “No, not Breanna. She’s too young to die!” (She was 23 years old).
As the initial shock wore off, I found myself standing in my kitchen talking to Breanna. The words I found myself speaking to her were that I believe that she is still with us, just in different form, and if I could in anyway be a conduit for her that I promised to be open to receiving; whatever that would look like. I immediately got the message, “I am alright” and got an overwhelming feeling that Breanna was at peace.
I went to bed that night thinking about Breanna and wondering if I would dream about her. I had a restful night, but no visit from Breanna. As I got in the car the next morning the radio came on. It was set to one of my daughters stations and not one I usually listen to. Of course, Breanna was on my mind, and I started thinking about how in the last few months of her life she was using music to express herself. What she would do is post songs, along with the Youtube video, on Facebook. Songs that represented her thoughts, feelings, and emotions. With that thought in mind I decided to stay on that channel and just be open. As I drove, I noticed that I wasn’t paying particular attention to what was playing until all of a sudden a song came on and there was a feeling of , THIS IS IT, and I knew that this was something Breanna wanted me to share for her. So, in Breanna style, here it is:
[yframe url=’http://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXzlVjU1xs’]
When I saw that this song was by a band named, Alternate Routes, I thought, “Of course it is!”. You see, my cousin definitely took alternate routes in her life. She had been through a lot in her 23 years. Without getting into the details, suffice it to say that it was music to my ears when I talked to my aunt last week and she said to me, “Laura, Breanna is doing great!”. I knew that she was because we had been speaking via email and Facebook messaging. I knew that she was awakening to understanding that she was love and deserved to be treated by herself and others as valuable.
As the lyrics say,
To be humble, to be kind.
It is the giving of the peace in your mind.
To a stranger, To a friend
To give in such a way that has no end.
We are Love
We are One
We are how we treat each other when the day is done.
We are Peace
We are War
We are how we treat each other and Nothing More
To be bold, to be brave.
It is the thinking that the heart can still be saved
And the darkness can come quick
The Danger’s in the Anger and the hanging on to it.
Tell me what it is that you see
A world that’s filled with endless possibilities?
Heroes don’t look they used to, they look like you do.
This is Breanna’s message from heaven! Pay attention to how you are treating those around you. We are not separate from one another. You are the hero in your own life! Now go out there and save some hearts, including your own.
Thanks Breanna!
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 5, 2014 | Health, Nutrition, Sandie Lynch
How are you “loving” your heart?
This February is the 50th Anniversary of American Heart Month declared by President Lyndon B. Johnson in 1964. Since that time much research has been conducted to find strategies to protect our heart from disease and death. Although the number of deaths from cardiovascular disease (CVD) is declining, it is still the number one killer of women in the United States. One in four women dies from heart related disease every year, more than breast and other types of cancer.
The good news is most risk factors are preventable. Such as obtain and maintain a healthy weight, know your blood pressure, cholesterol and blood glucose numbers, don’t smoke, eat a healthy diet with at least 5 or more of fruits and vegetables each day, move your body daily, and love deeper, more often, and start with yourself.
Now if you internet search the topic of American Heart Month, you are sure to find a ton of great resources to guide you in lowering your risks. I have included a few of my favorites; National Heart, Lung, and Blood Institute and the American Heart Association. What you won’t find on most of these resources is the intervention of loving deeper. Let me explain, although most of the information on preventing heart disease has been around for years it has been very difficult for individuals to adhere to the recommendations. In the recent AHA statistical Update 2012 it stated that 26% of adults have only 3 of the primary cardiovascular health interventions at ideal levels and 4% having 6 metrics at ideal levels.
So what keeps individuals from being able to follow the recommendations? I believe that it is not necessarily a heart problem but a loving problem. Our heart is the sustainer of our life on earth, it was also made for love. When it is empty it hurts and we find ways to fill it with all sorts of things that are not necessarily healthy; junk or dead food, television, work, drugs, and the list goes on. I have found from my clients and personal experience that it is a matter of finding the ability to love ourselves that tears down the barriers to selfless self-care that allows us to build a healthy self-image, resilient body, create deeper more fulfilling relationships, and live a better quality of life.
So often we speak to ourselves in condemning ways and call ourselves awful names such as fat, ugly, stupid, lazy, weak, etc… Our brain processes all this information and will do its best to manifest what you believe and speak. The question lies, do you really believe all those horrible things or are you allowing excuses to create a life you don’t want.
Take time to assess your body for the blessings it provides you every day. What are you grateful for? Just appreciating the 5 senses; sight, taste, smell, hearing, and touch, provides us the ability to actively engage with our surroundings. It is up to us to choose our perspective of these experiences and how we want to respond. Will you choose to love what you have and take care of it or continue to dislike what is being created by speaking lies.
When we understand how valuable we really are, we learn to honor the body with kind healthy treatment. Our body is our friend, and the only physical companion we have every minute of our life. Talk to it kindly and encourage it to be its best. It is your temple in which to live your best life.
If you want to learn more, please join me at the February WBN (Women’s Business Network) luncheon at Dutch’s Daughter Restaurant at 581 Himes Ave, Frederick, MD 21703 on February 14th, from 11:30 where we will discuss the research and typical heart health interventions and dive deeper into loving deeper and how this is the key to truly have heart health!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch, Registered Dietitian, Personal Fitness Trainer, and “Wholistic” Well-being Coach. Sandie is the owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC where she teaches how to Attain Top Performance through 5 Key Principles to live your best life. (www.atphealthandfitness.com)
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 29, 2014 | Guest Blogging
Many times this past year I felt as if I was back on the Jersey shore as a child, playing in the surf, as one wave after another knocked me down. In those bygone days, either a parent or other trusted relative had me by the hand to prevent me from washing out to sea. I would come up from the surf thrashing….with sand plastered all over me and salt water stinging my eyes, but not yet ready to go rest on the beach blanket. The blanket was the safe place where I could sit and catch my breath and recharge…. with maybe a peanut butter sandwich and a Yoo-hoo…. before heading back to the waves.
It’s been quite a year and the best way to summarize it is with my one word: Journey. At first I had a difficult time discerning what my word should be, and finally it was with due process and patience that the word actually chose me. Interestingly, about the same time that word came to me, I downloaded a beach picture as a screen saver with the reassuring words from Jeremiah 29:11; “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future”. Although the word journey was not a part of this Scripture, I found this quote referenced frequently with my word throughout this past year.
My journey this past year has led me to be a support person for family and friends having major health issues. A role which led me to travel on their journey with them…. and many had very difficult waves to endure indeed.
Last spring, my father, who lives in Raleigh, suffered a heart attack at about the same time a dear friend from high school who lives in Baltimore underwent brain surgery for an AVM. For several weeks in the spring and early summer I spent time visiting each of them as they recovered.
At the end of May I received a phone call that a college friend’s son committed suicide just weeks before his high school graduation. There is a group of us from college that are all still very close and so we journeyed together to NJ to support my friend and her family and each other in this time of overwhelming grief. It wasn’t a week after returning from this sad occasion that my son and his wife, who had been living 12 miles from us in Maryland, announced that they were going to move back to Colorado, a new journey of their own. And it was only a week later again that my heart completely unzipped when my sister Donna in NJ called to tell me that after being in remission with non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma for 10 years, her cancer had come back with a vengeance. Enough of the waves now…I was ready to head back to the beach blanket.
For the next seven months, Donna underwent chemotherapy treatments that culminated in a stem cell transplant at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City this past December. We were grateful for the excellent medical staff attending to my sister, and for the opportunity to be treated in our country’s top hospital for her type of cancer. Friends, family, faith communities, and of course doctors and nurses, all became part of a team of support for Donna. Our other sister, Susan, as well as Donna’s husband and children and in-laws, were there every step of the way. We witnessed growth in all of our children, who as young adults gladly stepped in whenever needed with support for their aunt, uncle, and cousins. Journeys intersected and roads were travelled together.
Despite the seriousness of the situation, we were all still able to laugh and find times to be silly. When a make-up class was cancelled that Donna was supposed to go to for cancer patients (she wanted to learn how to draw on eyebrows because she had lost them during chemotherapy), we happened to find fake mustaches at a Halloween display. We cut them into eyebrows and put them on, took “selfies”, and then texted the pictures to our kids and friends. Donna’s positive attitude was infectious and the family members, friends, and medical staff who accompanied her on this journey were provided the opportunity to watch her quietly and courageously take one day at a time, and to savor time she spent with loved ones.
Journeys continued to intersect and fellow travelers supported me when I was back at home. This support came in the form of a carefree summer day’s float down the Shenandoah river in tubes with good friends on my birthday, an unplanned week at the beach, the prayer ministry at our church knitting a prayer shawl for me to take to Donna, quiet summer nights on my back deck watching the fireflies dance in the yard, funny text messages, cards, notes, hugs, listening to my favorite music, and lots and lots of prayer support. I learned to receive these moments along the way, big or small, and to soak them in.
My growth this year was in looking for and receiving the help that came my way when I thought that I would no longer be able to stand up in the pounding surf, and observing loved ones doing the same. Blanket retreat is okay; we all need it sometimes to catch our breath, it is part of the journey. And that hand that has mine now, the one that keeps me from going under when the waves are coming fast and furious,belongs to God. He provides me with His presence on my course in life. He also provides fellow travelers to share my journey with; supporting each other when the waves become challenging and resting on the blanket of His care when needed.
Today’s author: Linda Brennan resides in Middletown and is a member of the Wholistic Woman’s Community. Her sister Donna is recovering remarkably well in NJ and hopes to attend the Wholistic Woman’s Retreat this March.
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