by Carol deLaski | May 21, 2014 | Self-Care
In posting this blog about dealing with complainers I did not intend to mock, disrespect, or hurt anyone’s feelings. My intention was to illustrate that there are people who see things differently than I do and that I have a choice about how I view them.
I regret that I did not adhere to my personal standard of anonymity and confidentiality and for that I apologize to anyone that may have been offended by my post. We have chosen to take this blog down to avoid any further concerns.
by Carol deLaski | May 14, 2014 | Family, Kelye Rouse-Brown
May is my favorite month. After wrapping up April showers and bringing on May flowers, I pause and reflect on how special this month is before we move onto June. The days go by so fast and I always look forward to certain times of the year and next thing you know, you are moving along your path to the next day or month and then next year.
May makes me happy. I celebrate my mother, her birthday, my birthday and even my breast cancer diagnosis anniversary the day before my birthday – why, well because my stage was caught so early and it reminds me of our genetic journey together and well, just because.
May makes me want to dance. Not because it’s the “Dancing with the Stars” finale, and I can’t wait to see who wins but because I feel in the month of May we put more pep in our steps and we move more now after the cold months. I came across these five Steps in the “Dance of Life” by Coby Kozlowski which are beautiful reminders of being in the present and not letting your favorite days or months to celebrate anniversaries, birthdays, graduations, or just because go without celebrating, reflecting, experimenting, trusting and repeating like steps to a dance…
- Celebrate who you are right now – recognize and appreciate all that is perfect about you, just as you are
- Reflect on your path – pause a few times throughout your day to observe whether your thoughts, words and actions are in alignment
- Put yourself into the experiment – we find out what makes our lives better and more authentic by putting ourselves into experiments
- Surrender and trust – know that you will always have another chance to try again
- Repeat for the rest of your life…
After I read these five pep steps, which are in no order at all, I recognize the one step I resonate with is putting myself into the experiment. This past year and the month of May have been a new experiment for me, trying on life a different way without my mom who passed away last year in April. She was my cheerleader in life and I love keeping her strong spirit alive; it brings such joy. One way I am doing this is by building a tree of life garden and believe me this is an experiment for someone who did not carry the green thumb gene from my mother. This May and last May, we have eaten Maryland crabs, moms favorite, to honor her birthday. Reflecting on our memories and creating new ones is the joy of life. Make May count this year, enjoy the beauty and color all around us, the pep in your step and repeat your monthly celebrations for the rest of your life.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown is an executive coach, conference speaker, HR expert, and seminar leader on employee and management training. Through her company, KRB Customized Training Solutions, she specializes in communications and leadership, career coaching, and result driven solutions for hospitality, healthcare and service oriented clients. You can reach Kelye at [email protected] or visit her website http://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.krbcustomizedtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | May 8, 2014 | Carol deLaski, Family
Have you ever been an Other Mother? You know, that person who gives advice, encouragement, and love to those outside your family whether they want it or not. I know I have.
One of the things I have enjoyed about living in a small town is that there have been other mothers who guided, loved, and sometimes corrected my children as they were growing up. It was comforting to know that when my children were at school, scouting events, soccer games, the pool, or the park without me that there were other women who knew and cared about them enough to parent them. I’m not sure that my children always appreciated that level of interaction but I sure did. The downside for them was that it was difficult to get away with anything. The upside was that a cadre of women was available who could nurture, love and encourage them when I wasn’t present, or when I didn’t have the necessary wisdom or experience that my offspring needed.
Other mothers can bring a fresh perspective to a situation and can offer guidance that may be new, thereby expanding our world and allowing us to grow outside of our own heritage. The support that other mothers (and fathers) offer is a source of strength when we falter or steer off course. They can provide a communal nurturing environment where we have the opportunity to blossom into the individuals we are designed to be.
Other Mothers grow strong communities by:
Encouraging – They see the good in us and aren’t afraid to tell us what they see. When women who are not related to you tell you that you are gifted, you tend to listen and believe them primarily because they aren’t your mother. Who could you speak words of encouragement to today?
Loving unconditionally – They offer grace and love us even when we aren’t at our best. They might not always like what we do, but they believe at our core that we are good. They know we aren’t perfect and will always be a work in progress….yet they love us anyway. Who needs your unconditional love to today?
Modeling – The best way to influence others is by example. Other mothers recognize that they are a role model to more than just their own relatives. We know that a whole host of people are watching and deciding if they want to be like us or not. Are you being the person that you want your children, or the people you influence, to be?
Not fixing it – One of the hardest challenges of relationships is watching someone we care about struggle. Yet in the struggle lies their opportunity for growth. Other mothers know what they can and can’t do. They know they can’t take the painful circumstances away. However, they can be present in times of adversity to love, hug, cry, and maybe even bring a smile or a laugh. Who can you be present with today in the midst of their challenges?
Other mothers are truly special people. You may be someone who is an Other Mother, or perhaps you need an Other Mother. It’s safe to guess that you are both. I know I am.
I hope you will seek out the Other Mothers that you need… and also provide Other Mothering freely in your circles of influence. May you build and be blessed by strong, nurturing communities of love.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is a speaker, author, and coach whose focus on strengths-based leadership develops strong, confident individuals and businesses. You are invited to attend her Discovering Strength workshop on May 21st which is based on her recently released book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith. Attendees will identify and develop the source of their inner strength and resilience to better manage challenges at work and in life overall.
Click here for more details.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 30, 2014 | Guest Blogging
We are in a new home, that is, a home that is new to us. In actuality the home is dated, worn in areas, and not new at all. We bought this house with the intention of renovating it and transforming it to a house that is OURS, that we embrace and love and that fits us. A place where we can be ourselves.
It occurred to me that that is what many of us long for in our lives, to embrace and love ourselves, to be in a place (not necessarily physical) that fits us, and to always be able to be ourselves.
The process we are using to transform our home is to hire a contractor who will provide a variety of services and manage the change, so we are making a contract to renovate. I wonder if, when we want to change our lives, we could also make a contract with ourselves to renovate or transform our own lives. We in effect would be our own contractors.
The job of a contractor consists of many tasks. He must:
Be clear on the vision
He must crystallize what needs to be accomplished, what the final kitchen will look like, what space will be opened up and what will be filled in, what basic bones (cabinets) will there be, and what finishing touches (moldings, accessories).
What bare bones and finishing touches do you want in your life?
Make a plan
He must create drawings, capture details, and define a timeline.
How will you draw your plan, what details will it include, and what timeline do you foresee?
Estimate costs
He defines what materials will be used and what labor is required.
What trade offs will you identify in terms of costs and value, what do you already have, and what do you need?
Gather experts
Building a new kitchen requires that plumbers, electricians, sheetrockers, floor refinishers, and carpenters use their expertise. The contractor defines the work to be done and monitors the results.
What team will you assemble? Professional contacts? Consultants? Coaches?
Manage or do the work
Some work he will do himself (typically carpentry) and some work will be outsourced. He must communicate, oversee, and make sure the work is done with quality and on time.
What work do you need to do? Network? Get training? Self reflection?
Keep to the plan
Holding everyone accountable for their work (including himself) is essential to a quality, cost effective, and timely job.
How will you hold yourself and others accountable?
Resolve conflicts and fix mistakes
Inevitably things will go wrong and deviate from the plan, He must identify the problems, negotiate solutions, and readjust the plan while understanding and communicating the implications of a change.
You’re a good problem solver, how will you keep perspective during the bumps in the process to keep going?
Present the final product and celebrate
Just like on the home makeover shows, the unveiling of the project is an important acknowledgment of the hard work done!
How will your unveiling look? How will you acknowledge your efforts and celebrate the changes you’ve made?
Get paid!
Receiving the funds is the completion of the project and validation that value has been created.
How will you pay yourself and acknowledge the value that you are getting?
A home renovation can be an exciting, overwhelming at times, and satisfying major growth experience. Changing your life can be too!
How well are you being your own general contractor in your life?
Today’s author: Lisa DiSciullo, CPCC, is a Certified Life Coach in Summit, NJ with her own practice working with her clients as they are developing clarity, growth, and fulfillment in their lives. She is a founding member of the Wholistic Woman Retreats group and a Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program. She can be reached at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 23, 2014 | Business, Laura Hall, Professional Development
“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish on its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ~ Albert Einstein
Everyone is a genius! You are a genius. Don’t believe me!?! Well, why would you? I’m just Laura Hall, but how can you deny the fact when Albert Einstein tells you that everyone is a genius, and guess what? You are included in everyone. So there! You are a genius!
You know who else is a genius?
Your teenager, you know the one I’m talking about – the one who is making questionable decisions right now – is a genius. Your spouse is a genius. Yes, even though they forget to take out the trash, or buy you a gift on your birthday, or leave their socks in the family room despite you constantly reminding them to please take their socks to the laundry room, or…(you get the point). And you know that person you work with, the employee or coworker who you have to constantly remind about protocols and procedures, yes, they too are a genius. How can I say that you ask? Easy! Albert Einstein told me 🙂
Have you ever heard of the book StrengthsFinder 2.0 by Tom Rath? It’s a book I use often with my life coaching clients. The book is based on the idea that people have several times more potential for growth when they invest evergy in developing their strengths instead of correcting their deficiencies. In other words, that they stop tring to be a tree climbing fish and instead focus on developing their ability to breathe under water. Are you living your life with a focus on developing the things that you are naturally gifted at, or are you trying to swim upstream? Are you encouraging your team, those people around you on a daily basis – your family, your co-workers, your employees – to do the same or are you asking a fish to climb a tree and then wondering why you are all so frustrated? There is another way. Start looking for the genius in yourself as well as in those you associate with. I promise you, it is there. Then begin asking yourself, how can this genius be used to bring more effectiveness, harmony, peace (or whatever else you think your life or business could use more of) to what is going on right now.
Exactly one week from today, on Wednesday April 30th, I will be leading a workshop right here in Frederick for people who are ready to join in the conversation about what’s right with people and to discuss how looking at strengths can impact you business and your life. I hope you will consider joining me. Click here for details.
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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