by Carol deLaski | Aug 13, 2014 | Business, Kelye Rouse-Brown
“Lean towards joy and listening, and away from giving advice.”
That was the message to kick off my weekend retreat at Kripalu in the beautiful Berkshires area. I have always been interested in learning about positivity and happiness so I joined Dr. Maria Sirois on Introduction to Positive Psychology along with my oldest dearest friend Susie that I have known for 40 years. Many of you that know me have said why you would want to learn about happiness and positivity since you are that way. For me it was simple, learn some of the statistics around the benefits of these themes in life that I am so passionate about and pass along. Yes, it was a little scientific experiment I took in a relaxing environment and came away renewed with more spirit!
Positive psychology was referred to as the scientific study of optimal human functioning and officially launched as a field in 1998. Dr. Tal Ben-Shahar first taught a seminar at Harvard on this fairly newer topic in 2002 with 8 students enrolled and 2 dropped out. The objective was what psychology can teach us about leading happier, more fulfilling lives. The following year the class went public and 380 students signed up. The evaluations showed the class improved the quality of one’s life. Well, the next time the class was offered it grew to 855 students enrolled, which made it the largest class at Harvard University.
A few years ago I did a workshop on “Don’t Worry, Be Happy” that got me thinking about how to help others lead a happier life. It’s no surprise more often we hear people focus on the negative or remember negative experiences more than positive and that’s in part how positive psychology came about. Psychologists focus on how to help human problems and course correct versus why people are happy and build on that. There have been many positive psychology teams that go into companies to create a balance and shift and help turn a “positive” profit. So in business, positivity equals profit.
As someone who has always been in human resources and the people business, I can’t help but get excited about this field. Guess what the percentage of genetics and intentional activity are in determining happiness? Yes, it’s almost 50/50. To be more exact fifty percent of our happiness comes from our genes and forty percent from our intentional activity, with the exception of 10% are life circumstances says Sonja Lyubomirsky. Happiness is not out there for us to find, it’s in us to find. I love the quote from Abraham Lincoln,
“Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
It’s true! We choose to change our negative state of mind to push through to find happiness.
Some of my favorite happiness boost are expressing gratitude, cultivating optimism and acts of kindness. There is a long list by Sonja Lyubomirsky that goes on to taking care of your body with steady exercise and meditation. One I am working on and will continue with our Be Whole, Be Calm event designed to relax your mind and walk a meditative labyrinth. I walked the labyrinth at the Kripalu Wellness and Yoga center and was reminded to pause and savor life’s joys and listen as advised the start of my weekend. These retreats fill my happiness bucket one day, one weekend at a time.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown is an executive coach, conference speaker, HR expert, and seminar leader on employee and management training. Through her company, KRB Customized Training Solutions, she specializes in communications and leadership, career coaching, and result driven solutions for hospitality, healthcare and service oriented clients. You can reach Kelye at [email protected] or visit her website http://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.krbcustomizedtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 30, 2014 | Business, Courage, Fear, Guest Blogging, Personal Development, Professional Development
We are happy to welcome Kim Dow, our fabulous Wholistic Woman Alliance Partner, graphic designer, and today’s guest blogger as she shares what she learned at the Be Courageous Retreat.
I have a healthy fear of heights. It’s cool, I’m not afraid to admit it!
But, recently, I set a goal for myself and conquered that fear. I joined our client, Wholistic Woman Retreats, for their annual “Be Courageous” event at Upward Enterprises, a zip lining and ropes challenge course in Buckeystown, MD.
Amidst the zipping and free-fall swing fun, lay the “Leap of Faith” (possibly mistaken as the Leap of Death…but whatever). A towering site where you climb up a single telephone pole, using just small hooks to brace your feet and cling to with your hands. Once you reach the top, you have to maneuver yourself around on a small plateau to face yourself outwards. Then, you jump off the top of the pole, aiming for a trapeze hanging in mid air. No biggie, right? WRONG!
Holy. Crap. Despite having done this challenge once several years ago (or maybe because of it), and knowing that I was safely harnessed in…my heart was still beating, my legs were still shaking and my brain was still screaming at me “Abort, Abort—We Are Up WAY Too High!” But, I kept my goal in mind and found the strength and inner will to keep climbing—to keep going for it and conquer the fear.
This experience is no different than what we face as entrepreneurs. Business owners face many fears—fear of failure. Fear of where your next job or payment will come from. Fear of change. Fear of not being able to pay your employees or yourself. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of the unknown. I think it’s safe to say that starting and owning your own business can, at times, be downright scary. But, you always have to try and overcome those fears—sometimes even embracing them—and keep moving forward to your end goal(s). To continuously push yourself and to keep moving forward, knowing those fears and the risks are just a part of the journey.
For me, back on that 20-something high (okay, so I don’t really know how high it was, but let me tell you when you’re at the top of it, it feels twice as high as it looks!) it wasn’t the jumping off part that was the scariest. It was the climb. Especially when I was almost at the very top…that was the hardest part. And isn’t that the same with our business as well? It’s the planning, the strategizing, all the hard work that leads us to that “top” (whatever point or end goal that may be for you). Once you’ve made that climb, it almost seems easy to take that final “Leap of Faith” and jump off!
And hey, it’s okay if you have to take a break on the way up—catch your breath, gather your thoughts, adjust your climbing strategy. But, just be sure to keep climbing, because it’s worth it!
Another important aspect of my Leap of Faith experience was the positive encouragement and cheering received from all those watching (and the fact that I, in turn got to cheer others on when my turn was over). The encouraging, supportive words truly made it easier to keep going! And I believe this is also a very important aspect of entrepreneurship. Surround yourself with supportive friends, family and colleagues—it definitely can make a huge difference, especially when you doubt yourself!
A special thank you to Wholistic Women Retreats and the coaches who plan this amazing event each year. And another huge thanks to Clive Felgate and his amazing team at Upward Enterprises. I can’t wait for next year’s adventure!
Kim Dow is owner of Kalico Design, a creative and wholistic graphic design firm in Frederick, Md. You can learn more about Kim and her company by visiting www.kalicodesign.com
Thank you to Mary Kate McKenna Photography for great shots of this fun event!
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 21, 2014 | Courage, Guest Blogging, Personal Development, Professional Development
Last week’s Zip, Swing, and Leap event was an enlightening experience. The evening started with Carol recommending to each of the women to observe themselves and their experience, as that is the best way to learn from the activity. I was a floater coach, a supporter of the participants, ropes team, and the event. I learned not by actually doing the events, but by supporting and observing others.
Throughout the evening I witnessed the power of women deciding they CAN. That they are able, they will trust, they know they are supported, and they are scared to death and are going to do it anyway.
I spent most of my time that night at Leap of Faith. The Leap of Faith requires a full body harness that, once you jump, holds you at the back of your neck, like Peter Pan flying across the stage on Broadway. Once in the harness, you climb a telephone pole, turn around on the top, stand tall for a photo, focus on a trapeze about 8 (feels like 8000) feet in front of you, count down 3-2-1 (to let Clive, our fearless spotter know it’s time) then leap full out to grab a trapeze.
I could see the fear on women’s faces, I could also SEE the decision when they took the jump – 3…2…1……leap! I could see the triumph and thrill of completion.
I also saw people on the ground decide “I’m not doing that!”. One woman got halfway up the pole and decided to go back down, she told me later that she had had a hip replacement and felt a tweak and didn’t want to risk injury. I was impressed with her clarity in prioritizing her health over taking the risk. I saw others decide it was not the night for them. Whatever the decision was for each woman, they followed through. I was so clear throughout the night that we all decide our experience.
Later when I read through the feedback forms that the participants had filled out, I saw over and over again, when asked what attracted them to the retreat, “I wanted to push myself out of my comfort zone”, then, when asked what did you get out of this, “I was afraid, and I did it!“ and “That I can do this”.
So how will these women take this out into their lives, how will I take it out into mine, how can you take it into yours?
Know that no matter what you are faced with, you will take all available information into account, evaluate, decide, do. It puts the power in you, the steering wheel of your life in your hands.
Think of the many decisions we need to make in our lives: Will I accept this job offer? Will I marry this person? Will I eat this extra cookie? Will I make it to the meeting on time? Will I lose that 10 pounds? Will I live a life of meaning?
What are you deciding, what can you do, what will you opt not to do? You have the power.
“Once you make a decision, the universe conspires to make it happen.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Using the power of decision gives you the capacity to get past any excuse to change any and every part of your life in an instant.” – Anthony Robbins
“Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other.” – Abraham Lincoln
Today’s author: Lisa DiSciullo, CPCC, is a Certified Life Coach in Summit, NJ, with her own practice working with her clients as they are developing clarity, growth, and fulfillment in their lives. She is a founding member of the Wholistic Woman Retreats group and a Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program. She can be reached at [email protected].
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 7, 2014 | Carol deLaski, Courage, Fear
Harnessed by strong cables, I found myself in an unusual position high in the trees… facing upwards and glimpsing patches of blue sky. A team of eight women had pulled me into this position and awaited my decision to release the cord which would drop me into a free-fall swing through the tree tops. Butterflies swirled in my stomach and my breathing grew rapid as I allowed myself to fully experience this strange suspension in the air. Time felt suspended, too, as I savored this momentary mixture of calm and electrifying anticipation.
Encouragement from the women below wafted up to my ears and I knew I had the full support of my team. “You can do it!” and “Go for it!” let me know that they believed in me. They saw the courage and trust that it took to climb into this precarious position and knew the important role that they played in providing support as I took this well-calculated risk. I had given encouragement to them when they had been in this position and now it was my turn to receive it.
I held my breath for a moment, then with the thought Here goes, I pulled the cord. My body dropped several feet and the industrial-sized cables caught my weight and safely sent me soaring through the tree tops. A scream of excitement escaped my lips, followed by loud whoops of joy, as I swung back and forth high above the people cheering below. I felt like a school-girl as my legs pumped to keep the swinging movement going as long as possible before my turn ended.
When I came to a stop, I descended the ladder with a mile-wide grin and received hugs and pats-on-the-back as my team congratulated me. I enjoyed the sense of accomplishment that flowed from overcoming something that scared me.
You see, earlier that day I was uncertain if I would actually do the free-fall swing. It was similar to how I had felt about doing the zip line several years ago when it was first offered at a Wholistic Woman Retreat. With team support I had overcome that fear and had enjoyed the thrill of zip line rides several times since then. I had learned to love it. In a similar way, I decided to do the swing after watching other women successfully do it. I was so glad that I stepped out of my comfort zone and experienced it with this fun and supportive group of women.
What does it take for you to be brave and overcome your fears? Do you need the support and encouragement of others? Does it help to see other people going first so that you can observe the challenge before you step into it yourself? Do you want to know that it’s okay to express yourself in whatever way you need to… whether that means screaming, cursing, crying, or laughing? Do you need information to know that you are safe? What helps you to be courageous?
The truth is that we face our fears every day. Some of us are dealing with frightening medical diagnoses, wayward children, conditional love, issues with spouses, financial instability, loneliness, changing circumstances, crime, war, and the list goes on and on. How do we find the courage to face these challenges?
I’d like to suggest these three steps:
Identify the fear. This step is hard because it feels vulnerable to admit that we are afraid. However, it’s crucial that we name what scares us in order to begin releasing the hold it has over us.
Have a support team. Surround yourself with people who you trust and who are modeling brave behavior. They will inspire you to be more courageous and will applaud both your major and minor accomplishments.
Take small steps. Bravery grows every time you do something that scares you. For some of us that may be speaking in public, publishing a book, or trying a new physical challenge….our fears vary and are as unique as our fingerprints. As Eleanor Roosevelt said, “Do one thing every day that scares you.” Not to frighten yourself but to grow more confident and skillful at overcoming whatever is holding you back. Develop courage and resilience by facing and navigating your fears one small step at a time.
What step will you take today to practice being brave?
An Invitation:
On the evening of July 15th, at the Be Courageous Retreat from 5:30-8:30 pm, women will have the opportunity to Zip, Swing, and Leap out of their comfort zone.
Now that I’ve mastered my fear of the zip line and swing I look forward to doing them again for fun. This year I am anticipating the opportunity to do a new challenge: The Leap of Faith – jumping from the top of a telephone pole to a trapeze bar while attached to a safety line. I’m not sure if I’m going to do it yet and trust that I will make that decision when I’m there. Whether I am cheering others on or receiving support as I take the leap, I will be fully present and engaged with the experience. Either way will be fine. One of the things I love about this community of women is the permission to be myself. I am good enough just as I am, and so are you.
If you would like to try one, two, or all three of these physical challenges with the support of an encouraging group of women who are practicing being brave, then register by July 10th to secure your spot and plan to join us for a picnic dinner afterwards to celebrate your accomplishment!
Click here if you want to see two short videos of Coach Carol’s free-fall swing and the team support afterwards.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is a speaker, author, and coach specializing in strengths-based leadership development. She is also co-founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats which offers fun, enriching, and supportive events for women-on-the-grow. Write to her at [email protected] or visit her website: www.caroldelaski.com for more information about her speaking and coaching services.
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 2, 2014 | Sandie Lynch, Self-Care
There are no guarantees that life will be serene and/or everyday will be smooth sailing therefore, the only thing we can control is our reaction to the inevitable bumps in the road. As a child, I can remember urging my mom to drive faster on certain roads so that I could feel my stomach drop as the car bounced over the bumps. I found fun in the unexpected.
As I grew older, it was harder to find the fun in the unexpected, especially when things seemed to be spinning out of my control. I would feel anxious, frustrated, and peace was nowhere in sight! Life eventually seemed to be no fun at all and finding any trace of peace was almost hopeless. My journey led me to seek life coaching which challenged me to evaluate my beliefs that created my discouragement. Gandhi said…
“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
Over the past month, where I work full time, my employer has been going through significant changes! Leaders have left, bosses have changed, and many individuals find themselves stressed out and on edge as new expectations are on the horizon. As I reflect on the past few years, I am grateful for the internal transformation that now provides me with peace in the midst of all the chaos.
Below are 3 beliefs I have adopted for keeping my peace:
I am not in control and so “Let go and let God.”
The belief that there is little I have control over, has been one of the most freeing beliefs I have adopted. Many experiences have reinforced this truth. By trusting that there is a higher almighty Being, who I call God, who sees the big picture and has a ultimate plan for my highest good, gives me permission to live for today doing my best and let tomorrow’ worries up to God.
There is a life lesson in every trial.
A friend once encouraged me to see every life challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow. And, when frequently experiencing the same challenge over and over, maybe it is God trying to teach me a lesson for my greatest good. Therefore, by looking for the lesson and taking the opportunity to grow from it, the challenge no longer seems like a struggle but a riddle to solve, putting more fun in the process.
Others’ perceptions of me does not define who I am.
When tension is high, it is likely for us to react in fear, frustration, and anger, and even speak from this perspective. I have come to learn, when others dismiss my input or criticize and condemn me in a condescending manner, to step away from the encounter. Take time to compare and reflect on the other’s behavior and/or words against who I know I am and my true intentions for good. Additionally, consider my words and actions to determine if I may have contributed to the situation and “own” my part. Then make efforts to communicate clearly the truth of my intentions, apologize for any wrong I contributed, and attempt to rectify the situation. If after this, the others choose to keep a false view of me and/or my intentions, I let it go. I no longer feel the need to defend or prove them different and return to my first belief; “Let go and Let God!” We cannot change others only ourselves.
By embracing these 3 beliefs, they continue to enlighten me as my life unfolds with each new experience. My transformation continues through many facets; a personal relationship with my higher power (God), life coaching, enriching content to stretch my views, and lots of self-reflection.
I hope what I have learned encourages you to challenge your beliefs for a more peaceful life in the midst of your chaos! Get started by joining Wholistic Woman Retreats for our next retreat “Be Courageous” our annual physical challenge as we Zip, Swing, and Leap out of our comfort zone on July 15th. For more information click here.
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch, Registered Dietitian, Personal Fitness Trainer, and “Wholistic” Well-being Coach. Sandie is the owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC where she teaches how to Attain Top Performance through 5 Key Principles to live your best life.
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