What Makes a Woman Strong and Resilient?

What Makes a Woman Strong and Resilient?

by | Mar 2, 2020 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Self-Care

This is the Year of the Woman when we celebrate the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amendment giving women the right to vote. At the risk of dating myself I have the Helen Reddy song, ‘I am Woman’ going through my head…

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an’ pretend
’cause I’ve heard it all before
And I’ve been down there on the floor
No one’s ever gonna keep me down again

CHORUS
Oh yes I am wise
But it’s wisdom born of pain
Yes, I’ve paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman…

You can probably tell that these lyrics are referring to more than just physical strength. In addition to sheer stamina, what other attributes contribute to a woman’s overall, wholistic strength? What makes her resilient and capable of bouncing back from adversity? The answers will vary for each of us, but let’s look for commonalities.

What makes women strong and are we truly invincible?

To begin with…let’s think about the word strong and understand what we mean by wholistic strength. These are the qualities that make you the unique woman you are. They show up in the way you think and feel as well as in your physical and spiritual activities.

I wonder if you’re similar to me and can more readily identify the strengths of your friends and colleagues than you can for yourself. It’s easier for me to state what I treasure and appreciate about others, but much harder to ascertain that about myself.

Yet like our unique thumbprints, I believe that we each have our own individual ‘soul-prints’ that comprises our strengths, weaknesses, core values, and beliefs. God gave us each an individual design which we continue to develop through our life experiences, whether consciously or unconsciously.

Over the years, a certain degree of humility has kept me quiet about my natural talents. I’ve learned, though, that I need to identify these strengths and talents in order to gain confidence and to be aware of my blind spots, i.e. the areas that I don’t understand well about myself. If I’m unclear about my talents, how can I effectively manage them? It’s necessary to know what my God-given talents are in order to optimally use them for good. I will never be perfect, but being dedicated to lifelong learning helps me to continually evolve into a better version of myself.

I have been on a journey of greater self-awareness about my strengths for the past 7 years. Each day holds new opportunities for me to learn more about myself and how I manage my talents. I fine-tune how I use my gifts based on feedback that I receive.

Did you ever play the Hot and Cold game as a child? It’s almost like a verbal Hide and Seek. One person is the Seeker and leaves the room while the group quietly identifies an object to be found. When the Seeker returns to the room, she searches for the object based on guidance from the group. The group members, however, may only say ‘hot’ or ‘cold’ when directing the seeker. As the seeker moves farther away from the object the group says “cold, colder, cold”. As she moves closer to the chosen object the group encourages her with “warm, warmer, warm” and shouts “hot” when she touches it. There is delight on both sides when the Seeker finds what she is looking for. This simple childhood game is a great example of the need to give and receive feedback. We can be lost and off-course without it and waste unnecessary time going in the wrong direction. With a little help from our friends, we can more easily find our way.

We each have a role in guiding one another towards success. How? By giving positive feedback to reinforce behaviors that are working well. You do that when you let others know what you appreciate about them. It’s also crucial to let them know when their actions aren’t working well. Without feedback, we don’t know what to change. Effective delivery of feedback is a key leadership competency. You practice it every day whether you’re aware of it or not.

I enjoy teaching that our strengths have a light and a dark side. The light side is when they are working well and getting the results that we want. The dark side is when they are not working well. They are overwhelming others, or us, with too much of a good thing. I like to think of each of my top strengths as having a dial where I can turn them up or down to calibrate the desired impact that I want in different situations. With conscious observation, I can then notice when I need to use more or less of my strengths.

For example, my top strength according to Gallup’s Strength Finder assessment is empathy. That means I tend to lead with my heart, follow my intuition, and sense other’s emotions with ease. Simply put, I care a lot. It serves me well when I am connecting with others. I’ve been told that I’m a good listener and people can sense that I genuinely care. It can overwhelm me, though, when I am bombarded by negativity on the news or when I feel powerless to help improve a hurting person or situation. My empathy can also overwhelm others when I’m being too sensitive and trying to connect on a level that they may not be ready or willing to do so.

Empathy is only one of my strengths and I could tell you much more that I’ve learned about dialing it up and down. That’s another article! I have nine more strengths in my top ten and each one provides a wealth of information for me as a leader, a family member, and a friend. The truth is I will always be learning more about my strengths because each day provides new opportunities and configurations of people, situations, and experiences for learning. Knowing and owning my strengths gives me a powerful tool to better understand and use my unique thumbprint and God-given design for good.

Resilient women know how to use their strengths effectively and apply them wholistically throughout all areas of their life.

Are we invincible? What about weakness?

Unlike the superwoman in the song ‘I am Woman,’ this woman is not invincible.

It’s important to not only understand what makes us strong but also to examine areas of weakness. What do you do when you’re in the dark side of your strengths? One option is to turn it down and turn up a different strength. When my empathy is on overload, I know I need to re-calibrate by dialing up my strategic thinking strengths. My head balances my heart when it’s on overload. What else can we do?

Personally, when I get to the end of my own abilities (which is every day) I lean into my faith. I believe in a God and higher power who is supremely capable. In fact, I believe it is part of the divine design for us to hit our limits so that we will reach out for help. We aren’t meant to be all-powerful and all capable. We are meant to be in relationship with others – to need them – and to be needed. That’s the human balance.

In my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, I share my perspective that relationships are a beautiful kaleidoscope made up of many triangles. I picture each of my relationships as a triangle with God at the top and myself and the other person making up the other two points. As we each grow our relationship with God, the bond between the two of us grows stronger.

I also believe the Good Book which frequently says, “when you are weak, I am strong.” It reminds me of God’s promise to be present and provide His strength when I reach the end of my limits. It encourages me and reminds me that I am never alone. I don’t have to be strong and have it altogether all the time. I am designed to be imperfect and in need of help, both divine and human.

I can be a strong woman…and a weak woman at the same time. I can be good at some things and not good at other things. I can embrace my talents and relax in knowing that I am a work in progress, always learning more about how to effectively use those talents.

With that knowledge, I can sing “I am woman, hear me roar! I am woman watch me soar” into the realm of God’s love and guidance.

Resilient women know their limits and lean on their support team when needed. They are connected and know how to give and receive help.

What is your unique Strengths story?

We each have a story to tell about our individual qualities and how we use them. How have they contributed to your own resilience? What have you learned over the years about the light and dark sides of your strengths? When do your talents work best? When do they overwhelm you? What strategies do you have to address areas of weakness? What do you do when you reach your limit?

I invite you to discuss these questions and explore your strengths and resilience story with me at Discover & Own Your Strengths Evening Retreat on March 25th from 5:30-7:30 pm. I hope to see you there!

Feeling Stronger and More Confident About Your Money

Feeling Stronger and More Confident About Your Money

by | Jun 2, 2019 | Confidence, Finances

Are you satisfied with your relationship with money?

Many of us would say that we’d like to be more confident with our finances, yet we don’t know how to gain that confidence.

Experts recognize that we each have a money personality which guides our unique approach to managing our finances. Our money personality develops through observation of others and education. For many of us, the most impactful lessons are learned the hard way, through real-life experiences. The good news is that we can change our money personality if it’s not serving us well.

Like anything that we want to change, we first need to assess where we currently are. With honest self-awareness, we can then choose thoughts and behaviors that we want to modify to achieve different results.

Some of us think of money in terms of status, believing that our net-worth equals our self-worth. Others tend to worship money and engage in wishfully thinking that if we had more, our problems would be solved. Some of us tend to avoid money matters entirely and still, others vigilantly guard and protect their money.

You may have been each of these at some point in your life or find that you’re a combination of them now. I’m curious to know what it would be like to apply our unique strengths to mold our money personality into a form that consistently serves us well.  I have been experimenting with this idea, using myself as a test subject, to see what I could learn.

Using Gallup’s Strengths Finder assessment, I learned that my leadership style is one of relationship building. In short, I’m a people person and my natural approach to leading is through connection with others. When I look at how my leadership style impacts my approach to money, I can easily see times when it works well and times when it doesn’t.

For example, in my shopping, I choose to support local businesses over big box stores whenever I can, even if it’s inconvenient. I believe that it’s important to encourage entrepreneurs and small business owners and do my part by spending my dollars with them. My Developer, Empathy, and Belief strengths feel fulfilled when I purposefully shop local. The dark side of those same strengths appears when I purchase something that I really don’t want or need in order to be supportive.

I good-naturedly recall a delightful trip through the NY wine country with my husband and another couple. We spontaneously stopped into a cider works distillery to taste their products. We were their only guests and received the owner’s full attention as the four of us respectfully tasted each cider sample. In the end, we agreed that we were not fans. As the three of them politely thanked the owners and started to leave, my heart took over and I grabbed a bottle of cherry cider to purchase from the grateful proprietor. I received plenty of ribbing afterward from my friends and the bottle sat in our cupboard for over a year before I finally gave it away to someone who would appreciate it. My heart led the way into that sympathy-buy. I can laugh about it now, but I wonder how many times I let my relationship strengths lead the way financially, and if that serves me well. Does my concern for others supersede practical purchasing decisions?

Another strength in my top 5 is Positivity. It serves me well in having a fundamentally positive outlook on life, including my finances, however, at times it may not work to my benefit. How often do I charge an item to my credit card thinking (positively), I’ll pay that off when the bill comes in? Only I don’t. And the balance increases when I do that repeatedly. My positivity could sabotage my financial goals if I don’t catch myself and ‘dial it differently’. You may wonder what I mean by dialing it differently.

I like to picture my top 5 strengths as individual pots on a stove, each with a dial ranging from 1 to 10. When my positivity is too high, I can turn it down and turn up another strength that would get the results I’m after. In the above situation, I could dial up my Strategic strength and ask myself important questions such as Will this purchase get me closer or further away from my financial goals? Will I honestly pay this charge off when the bill comes in? Do I really need this item? By turning down my overly optimistic tendency and balancing it with my thoughtful planning strength I can then make a well-formulated purchasing decision. My heart-centered leadership style can be effectively managed by increasing my other top strengths.

I’m curious to learn more about the ways my individual strengths and leadership style impacts my spending and saving. Increasing my knowledge will help me be more conscious of my default tendencies. I can then contribute those insights to the conversations that my husband and I have about our financial decisions. Knowing his strengths and leadership style will further help us to understand ourselves better and fine tune our joint money matters.

Gallup has organized their list of 34 strengths into four leadership styles: Executing, Influencing, Relationship Building, and Strategic Thinking. I’m delighted to partner with Financial Coach Jane Helm to learn more about the ways in which our strengths impact our money personalities. Ladies, if you’d like to learn more, you’re invited to join Jane and me for an evening retreat entitled Be Prosperous on June 26 from 5:30-7:30 pm. Learn details about this Wholistic Woman Retreat program here.

Grow more confident about your relationship with money with us!

Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is a strengths-based executive leadership coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected]

5 Reasons Why Team Retreats are Good for Your Business

5 Reasons Why Team Retreats are Good for Your Business

by | Apr 16, 2019 | Business, Professional Development, Retreats

Have you ever wondered if team building events are worth the investment? How would developing your people impact the overall success of your organization?

Workshops and seminars are great short-term solutions to teach new skills and strategies. A corporate retreat, however, offers greater opportunities to simultaneously reward and improve your employees. Going off-site, whether for a partial day or multiple days, has many benefits for your employees and the overall organization.

Team Building

During a typical work day, your staff may interact with a limited number of co-workers. Team retreats broaden connections between diverse employees allowing them to engage with co-workers from other departments or shifts. New bonds are formed as they converse in a different setting. When they return to the workplace, connections made during the retreat will strengthen the overall cohesiveness and effectiveness of your workforce.

Stress Relief

Retreats come in all shapes and sizes. Choose one that will most benefit your team to provide a break from their daily grind. In these increasingly busy times, workers can release tension through a variety of enriching activities such as escape rooms, scavenger hunts, creative art activities, obstacle courses, personal development, and more. Corporate retreats are especially appreciated as a reward after the busy season. Send a message that you appreciate your team, recognize their contributions and want them to unwind and relax.

Focus

Retreat experiences offer fresh perspectives as staff members get away from their day-to-day operations. A customized program can take a high-level view to explore company values, mission, and purpose. Then take a deeper dive into the details to discover what is going well and what could be better from their vantage point. Identify gaps and areas for improvement while celebrating successes. Participants gain new appreciation and knowledge as they listen and learn from each other, as well as from the program facilitators. Retreats offer time to step back and evaluate both individually and collectively.

Improve Engagement

Disengagement remains one of the biggest hurdles in the current workforce with only 33% of US employees engaged in their work. ‘Gallup believes that unengaged employees cost companies between $480-$600 billion a year in lost productivity. What’s worse is that unengaged employees can be toxic because they have the ability to turn customers away, too.’

How do we improve the engagement of our teams? Buy-in (aka engagement) develops when team members can contribute their input and feel heard, acknowledged and validated. They feel part of the team when they know that their opinions matter. Feeling heard and respected goes a long way towards team engagement, even if their suggestions are not acted upon. Team retreats provide a safe space for employees to brainstorm and give constructive feedback. Such experiences contribute to a positive work culture with a more engaged staff long after the retreat is over.

Invest in your people

Building on ‘buy-in’, a team retreat lets your staff know that you value them. Give them the gift of going to a special location or doing a fun activity together. Ask them what they would enjoy most and then make a custom experience happen for them. A special program such as Strengths Based Leadership will not only develop them as individuals but will also enhance their effectiveness at work. A health and wellness coach can help their physical well-being which translates to a healthier (and happier) workforce.

Follow up the retreat experience by offering staff several one-on-one executive coaching or personal coaching sessions to let them know how invested you are in their development.

In summary, team retreats are a wise and worthy investment in the success of your business, non-profit, or community organization. How will you develop your team today?

Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is a strengths-based executive leadership coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected]

A Wholistic Approach to One Word

A Wholistic Approach to One Word

by | Jan 16, 2019 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development

A Wholistic Approach to One Word

Are you familiar with the practice of using One Word for the year?

Many find this tool more helpful than New Year’s resolutions which can fall by the wayside within a few weeks or months. The idea is that your One Word guides and teaches you throughout the course of a full year. Based on the easy-to-read book, One Word that will Change your Life, by Gordon, Britton, and Page, the practice is simple yet highly impactful. Now in my 7th year using the One Word practice, I have decided to take a Wholistic approach to the practice. This means I will consider my One Word through the four perspectives of wholeness; heart, mind, body, and spirit.

Allow me to explain this approach using my one word from last year as an example.

My word for 2018 was Beloved and it has taught me a great deal in the past 12 months. I like to reflect on the lessons learned before I move on to another word for the New Year.

Heart: As you might imagine, the word Beloved was relatively easy to experience on a heart level. I paid close attention to the inward and outward dimensions of it. Inward meant noticing what it feels like to be someone’s Beloved; to be the recipient of their love and attention. Outward meant noticing what it feels like to show others that they are Beloved to me. 2018 was a significant year as I married my longtime sweetheart, Greg. I had the opportunity to give and receive love in new ways as I committed the rest of my life to this Beloved man and to our blended families. In addition, the year offered significant lessons as I walked, (and continue to walk) a journey through the diagnosis of a terminal illness with a Beloved brother-in-law and sister. This word taught me anew not to take the people I love for granted. You can read more about these heart lessons in Be Loved, My Beloved. 

Mind: When I thought about the word Beloved, I immediately went to the dictionary to learn its official definition. Webster’s tells us that it means ‘dearly loved, or dear to the heart’. No surprise there. I am aware who is dear to my heart, as I imagine you are, too. However, I cannot help but wonder how well I express that ‘dearness’ to those who are Beloved to me. Like many, I often get caught up in the busyness of life and focus on completing the tasks that make up my work and life activities. I believe that what we focus on grows, so when I focus on accomplishing tasks, I must admit that I get a lot done and feel satisfaction from my efforts. However, something is lost when I allow myself to focus solely on my ‘to-do list’. I lose the being part of me. I have learned this year to focus more on being with those I love. I have prioritized quality time with those dear to me and have built a wealth of joyful memories as a result of that prioritization. I still get my work and life tasks done, but there is a better balance now as I try to make sure those who are dear to me know just how much I treasure them.

Body: I was surprised at what I found when I looked at my word Beloved from a physical perspective. Similar to what I learned from the heart and mind dimensions, I noticed that it had to do with taking people for granted. In this case, however, it was my own health and well-being that I took for granted. I tend to assume that my body will function how I need it to each day. It isn’t until I get sick or injure myself that I realize just how precious a healthy body is. I am in awe of the physical design and intricate systems of the human body. I consider my body a gift from my Creator. I see that gift as a Temple and feel a responsibility to maintain my health in optimal condition so that I can be (and do) all that I am called to be and do. Early in 2018, I was motivated to treat my body very well as I prepared for our wedding. During the first half of the year, I was a healthy eater, exercised more than ever before, got plenty of sleep, and generally practiced excellent self-care. After the wedding, however, I took a break from those good habits and I am still trying to get back to them 6 months later. I admit that self-care can be hard for me. I’ve had a lifelong tendency to focus on others more than on myself. According to Gallup’s Strengths Finder, my leadership style is ‘Relationship Building’ and I agree completely.  I love people; whether at work or at play I am fascinated by human interactions. This year I added a new tool to my personal development with the Enneagram assessment, an ancient typology of nine interconnected personality types. According to the assessment, I am a 2, which is known as The Helper. It confirmed yet again that I am hardwired to focus on others. I am designed this way. My word Beloved, when focused inward, reminds me to incorporate self-care with the care of others. It is absolutely necessary to take care of my body and health in order to be the giver that I am designed to be.

Spirit: To be honest, I was somewhat uncomfortable when the word Beloved first resonated with me early in 2018. It is not a word that I use in everyday speech, so it felt a bit awkward. My use of it was infrequent and, even then, it was in written form. It is a word that I usually see in my favorite Good Book, so I have thought of it as a spiritual word. I can almost hear God’s voice saying, “This is my Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” It felt like too grand of a word for me. It was a word to describe the Son of God, not Carol Sue. But because the One Word practice comes from God/Spirit I felt compelled to pursue it this past year. I delighted in highlighting Beloved whenever it appeared in my daily devotionals. Unlike my other yearly theme words, this word has not appeared very often in conversations, on posters or coffee mugs or in songs, but it has appeared often in my devotional readings. There has been a wonderful spiritual connection whenever I have read the word Beloved because I can almost hear God saying it…and that brings me joy. I have also been reminded that one of the names for the Holy Spirit is The Helper. This reminder encourages me to trust that there is a Force greater than I which helps those in need. I can relax and not spread myself so thin by quickly swooping in with assistance. I prayerfully ask the Spirit to guide me every day in offering my help. I have learned that spiritually guided help is much more effective and less exhausting in the long run. I use the prayer that I wrote in my book, Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, each day to orient and ground me:

Dear God, be personal and present with me today; Be my best friend. Help me see how you are guiding and providing for me; Holy Spirit, You lead. Continue to heal my heart swiftly and silently so that I can be all that you created me to be; Make me whole. Amen.

As I ask God to guide me each day, I embrace in a trusting relationship with my Creator. I feel connected and sense when my actions are in alignment with the Spirit.

I share this example of a Wholistic Approach to One Word because I find that it adds a deeper dimension to my yearly word practice. I encourage you to try it as well. If you are new to the One Word practice, I suggest that you read the book mentioned above and find a Stretch Team to discuss your word with throughout the year.

Women in the surrounding Frederick area are invited to join me for an evening retreat about the Wholistic Approach to One Word on January 30th from 5:30-7:30 pm. Click here for more details and registration information.

A second invitation is to join a One Word Coaching Group offered by the Wholistic Coaching Coalition. These small groups are open to women and men and will meet conveniently via Zoom calls in February and March to get you off to a great start with your One Word for 2019. Click here for more details.

Feel free to comment here with your thoughts and questions.

Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is a strengths-based executive leadership coach who guides individuals and businesses to be their best. For more information about her coaching services, and her book Lost and Found: Discovering Strength in Love and Faith, visit www.caroldelaski.com or email her at [email protected]