I struggled this month to come up with a topic for my blog. I found myself coming again and again to the topic of grief and loss. Nothing else seemed quite right, and considering that we’re going into the autumn and winter, perhaps it’s appropriate for this topic to come up now. We are entering the seasons of ending and darkness before we rejuvenate in the spring, and grief is a topic that, while not taboo in our culture, is still discussed too infrequently. And so I would like to share with you my recent experiences with grief and what I’ve learned.
I’ve never experienced a death in my life before. I’ve experienced losses of a different kind, but not death. My family has been fortunate. We’re all fairly healthy, and longevity run in our genes. So I find myself ill-equipped to handle the death of someone I’ve loved and cared for over many years.
I miss being woken in the morning by yells for breakfast. I find myself still calling out a goodbye when I leave the house and then remembering I’m talking to no one. I have difficulties sleeping because her presence isn’t there. The house feels lonelier and quieter without her voice, and I’m more aware of when I’m alone than before. She would crawl on my lap and “help” (i.e., get in the way) when I was working. She would comfort me when I was sad and she never failed to bring a smile to my face. My constant companion for eight years died on September 22.
Unfortunately, I found myself feeling guilty and ashamed because the death I was mourning was that of my cat. While my pet is beloved to me, to other people, she’s “just a cat.” While in the depths of my grief, I heard from multiple people that said grief is misplaced, because I was “just” grieving a cat. While I do not have any children, it feels to me like I have lost my child, and for others to dismiss my grief because I was mourning a cat felt offensive and hurtful. Those feelings were piled on top of the guilt I already felt because I’d had to make the decision to put my cat down, and that decision broke my heart.
But when I related these feelings and how a few people had reacted, a client of mine gave me some very good advice. She said, “Grief is grief, and there’s no timeline for grief.” That was exactly what I needed to hear. Grief is grief, regardless of whether it’s for a person, a pet, or even a situation. We all process grief in different ways, and that grief may last for a few weeks or it may last for years.
Hearing those words helped me to allow myself to feel the grief without the guilt or shame. My grief is my own, and I must process it in the way that’s best for me. I found ways to give myself touchstones to get through the day. In the immediate aftermath, I found myself unable to put down one of her favorite toys. I carried it around in my pocket while at home. My cat used to follow me around the house, and carrying her toy made it feel like she still was. Then I was able to set that aside when the immediate sorrow has lessened and I no longer felt like I needed that particular reminder. Later, I found an Etsy shop that makes affordable custom rings, and their specialty is slim rings with the name of your pet and a paw print stamped onto it. So I bought a ring with my cat’s name. It was the perfect thing I needed to allow my grief to settle.
I still have moments when I feel that grief crashing into me, but it’s getting easier, and the pain is less. My heart will always be scarred for her, but I have ways now that I feel like I will always remember the love and comfort she gave me over eight years, and so the healing has begun.
What has helped you move through loss and grief?
So many people I know have lately been affected by death, whether it’s the death of beloved pets or family members. My good friend’s aging dog died of a heart attack. Two friends I know have had family members succumb to serious illnesses. While volunteering this past week, a phone call came in for the staff with the news that a coworker had passed the previous day.
Each piece of news that comes my way feels like another pebble dropping into the bucket of grief and it grows heavier with the collective sorrow those in my circle are feeling.
If you are experiencing grief or loss, I encourage you to reach out to friends and loved ones. You are not a burden, and your grief is not a burden. The only way out is through.
Grief is grief, and there is no timeline for grief.
Today’s blog is written by one of our alliance partners, Kira Tregoning. Kira is the owner and founder of Maia Media Management, a local social media business. She offers social media management, consultations, and trainings, as well as video services, proofreading, editing, and manuscript critique services. Kira is also a published author with two fantasy novels available on Amazon and more on the way. Learn more about her at www.kiratregoning.com
Mindful. A term that has become increasingly popular over the past few years and in its simplest form means being more aware. But what does being more aware mean? Is it noticing the sounds around you? Noticing the smells around you? Noticing the variety of colors as you pass by the trees? Regardless of what you are more aware of, the point of being mindful is to develop a closer relationship with your mind. So how does being mindful relate to eating?
Mindful Eating
Mindful eating is much more than noticing the smell of your food or the different colors on your plate. Mindful eating is about being present in the moment, in a non-judgmental way, so that you can pay closer attention to your body, habits, and triggers. It’s much deeper than developing a better relationship with your mind. When you mindfully eat, there are no rules, no calorie counting, no carb cutting, and there aren’t even recipes. Just a special sense of awareness every time that food is in your presence.
Why Doesn’t Everyone Eat Mindfully?
I’m sure you’re probably scratching your head wondering why everyone doesn’t eat mindfully since it seems like you can eat so freely. The fact of the matter is, not many people explore mindful eating because of our own harsh beliefs and because of the long look we’ll have to take in the mirror. We tell ourselves things like “You couldn’t even cut carbs for one day. What makes you think you can be mindful of your eating?” or “You’ve gained so much weight, you’ll need more than mindful eating to help you out.” Regardless of what that inner critic is saying, it’s taking on several roles that work against you: the fretter, the punisher, the judge, the name caller, or the partier. There’s a Buddhist saying that states “your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts,” which is so true! We can’t allow this voice in our head to hinder our progress in doing what’s best for our body.
Often, we are so hard on ourselves and we don’t seek help because we are afraid that people are going to confirm our own negative beliefs or help us stick our heads further in the sand. Therefore, we say nothing and appear as if life is great while under the surface we have a constant struggle stemming from the battle of the good and bad angels on our shoulders.
The Building Block of Mindful Eating
To eat mindfully, we have to address this inner critic with self-compassion. Compassion and empathy are the antidote for our inner critics. We can’t possibly be judgmental toward ourselves while being compassionate. The first part of being more compassionate is simply being aware of our thoughts. Acknowledging when they’re there but not putting any emphasis on them and just allowing them to pass by. When the name caller critic pops up, recognize it and say to yourself, “Oh my, that name caller is back again” and let it be at that. Don’t take a deeper look at it and try to rationalize why it’s there. Just let it go. Once we are aware of thoughts, we must move into being nonjudgmental about them.
Mindless thinkers tend to have more eating issues because they get sucked into this hole of negative thinking patterns and it subconsciously affects their eating habits. Most negative thinking is looked at as extreme thinking which is when something is all or nothing. For example, it’s extreme thinking if you promise yourself that you won’t eat after 7 and then you do, which results in you saying “The heck with it. I screwed it up once so I’m not going to worry about not eating after 7 anymore.” Extreme thinking can be self-sabotaging. We are being so judgmental of our one mistake that we prevent ourselves from trying again and succeeding. Self-sabotage is also a way to control our disappointment, which goes back to negative beliefs like thinking we can’t succeed.
When we self-sabotage, we must become aware and practice non-judgment so that we can look at why we feel a certain way. That’s when we have to take a long look in the mirror and be honest with ourselves in a gentle way, such as by asking ourselves, “Is this to avoid disappointment?” or “Am I afraid of failing?” Knowing the reason is half of the battle.
Judgments and negative self-talk are all a part of mindless eating. Just like we reduce our sugar or salt intake, we must clear our negative thoughts as well. Being self-compassionate allows us to begin this journey. As you move forward in the next few days, be aware of your thoughts toward yourself. Acknowledge your inner critic without putting emotion into it. Try describing things without using words like good or bad. Regardless of whether you want to begin or improve mindful eating or just want to be more mindful in general, be present and be kind to yourself!
Today’s author: Casey Clark is an affiliate coach with Wholistic Woman and manages a health and wellness practice, Heaven On Earth, which focuses on self-care. Having been a student and working, both full-time, Casey has a deep understanding for the importance of self-care and is committed to helping those who lead busy lives, especially young professionals, accomplish prioritizing self-care so that they can live a holistically balanced, well and fulfilled life. She uses her own experiences as a motivator to help her clients achieve lasting, self-compassionate change that is aligned with their values. Find out more about Casey at her website: www.aheavenlyyou.com
If you’re like many people (including myself), the summer season was a busy one. Summer is filled with cookouts, vacations, time with friends and family, longer nights, and creating memories. It may have also included choices that didn’t serve you as well. You may feel like it was a busy time of the year and you’re missing some rest and relaxation. Are you feeling stressed or lacking balance? I know that I’ve been feeling the need for change as I move into the fall months.
The autumn season is one of the best times of the year for cleansing and taking authority in life. When I say “cleansing,” I am not referring to a plant-based, drink-only cleanse. The term cleansing (or detoxification) can refer to many things.
In my own personal life, I have taken a strong look, especially over the past year, at things, choices, and people that are not serving me well. I’ve considered food choices, toxic relationships, negative thoughts, choices I have made, goals I have set, and options for what I want to see in the future. Have you thought about what may or may not be serving you well and helping you thrive?
With the full moon in Aries just passed on October 5, Aries inspires us to strive and thrive despite any struggles we may be experiencing. The energy is about finding independence, trusting yourself as you move forward, and finding power. The energy from the full moon will help us to use our power from a place of heart rather than ego.
This is a great time to reflect on where you’ve been, what changes you want to make, and how you will choose to move forward.
I am a small-town girl and I love so much about the country. When I think of autumn, I often think of the harvest season. I think of planting seeds and new beginnings. Ways that those seeds can be nourished for growth. When you think about moving forward into the autumn season, I encourage you to think about seeds you can plant and how you can help them grow in your own life, whether they pertain to you personally or to others in your life.
As women, it’s very important to take care of ourselves but also to support and lift up those around us.
As your body prepares for a stressful holiday season and colder weather, it’s important to consider ways to nourish your body, ramp up self-love, and practice stress management. Allergies are higher and the immune system can become more susceptible to illness and exhaustion. Seasonal eating helps to not only nourish the body but also give it what it wants as the season transitions.
Pumpkins, squash, sweet potatoes, apples, and pomegranates are all wonderful fall favorites. Not only are they delicious, but they also pack many health benefits, especially when paired with lean meats and healthy fats. Limiting processed foods, sugar, caffeine, and alcohol will help you thrive through the autumn season. Sufficient sleep and personal care will not only benefit your body and mind but also help you as we approach the holidays. One of my favorites is an Epsom salt bath with lavender oil drops. It’s important to figure out what works for your own unique beautiful self.
Toxicity comes in many forms. Consider the foods you are eating, the relationships in your life, stress, environmental factors, and negative thoughts. Look at the level of fulfillment in your career and things you’ve always wanted to do but never tried. This is your time to focus on the positive energy of change. It’s a great time to start fresh, feel empowered, and do what makes you feel healthy and happy.
As the leaves change colors and fall, look at ways you can shed some old and allow for new growth. What changes can you make in your own life to help you thrive?
Today’s author: Kim Wilson is a Certified Holistic Health Coach (CHC) and owns her own business, Kim Wilson, LLC, which specializes in empowering and educating women to get to the root of what’s going on with their own unique, individual body. She works with women one-on-one and coaches through online groups and programs. Learn more about Kim at her website www.kimwilson.me, from her Facebook page, or find her on Instagram.
noun: life coach – a person who counsels and encourages clients on matters having to do with careers or personal challenges.
Wholistic Woman Retreats is a community of women dedicated to being their best through personal and professional development activities and programs. One of the ways we do this is through our ‘Be You’ Evening Retreat series where certified professional life and business coaches facilitate programs aimed at teaching tools and strategies that will help you more consistently be your best, no matter where you are or what you are doing.
Our programs are unique because we use a coach-approach. A good life or business coach knows how to ask the right questions to help you uncover what is best for you!
It is very common for participants to leave the Be You Evening Retreats feeling energized, excited to begin practicing new tools, and hungry for more! Our last ‘Be You’ event for this year will be on Wednesday October 25 and is titled BeCoached.
Be Coached will be a little different than the other retreats this year. Instead of being facilitated by just one coach, there will be five coaches on hand. Each one will lead a coaching discussion on the topic that they presented earlier this year.
All are welcome! Whether you attended the programs earlier this year or not, this night is designed just for you!
If you missed a ‘Be You’ retreat…this will be your chance to catch up and hear highlights of the topic.
Or
If you attended the original workshop and now you’re ready for more…this will be your chance to check-in and go deeper. You’ll have the opportunity to share where you are being successful putting the tools into practice as well as where you could use further development.
So, whether you’re catching up, or continuing to learn, this event will be a great capstone on the year of Being More You!
At Be Coached, you will have the opportunity to visit 2 different discussions, so start thinking about the two that are right for you. Tables will fill on a first come, first served basis, so register for the retreat now and plan to arrive early to get your first choice and continue your personal development journey with us.
Be Balanced – Coach Carol will lead a discussion to better understand Wholistic Balance of heart, mind, body, and spirit. She will introduce and review tools to help you achieve the balance that is just right for you.
Be Positive – Coach Kelye will help you understand the science of positive psychology and share tips to become more aware, and intentional, about increasing your happiness levels.
Be Clear – Coach Laura will discuss boundaries, focusing on the challenges and as well as the benefits of setting clear boundaries with friends, families, and at work.
Be Energized – Coaches will discuss the benefits of regularly using affirmations; noticing that what we say to ourselves affects our energy and our ability to move forward.
Be Financially Fearless – Coach Jane will help you identify your inner mindset around money and show you how authenticity, gratitude, and calm can radically change your relationship with your finances.
This event is your opportunity to experience what it is like to be coached in small groups. Please consider this your invitation to join our coaches and our dynamic community of women-on-the-grow!
Come on your own or bring a friend. We promise you will feel welcomed and accepted.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
If you haven’t seen our Missy & Flo video series, you should watch it now! A series of 8 videos, our coaches share self-care tips in a fun and engaging way. Here’s the fourth video in the series:
I miss being woken in the morning by yells for breakfast. I find myself still calling out a goodbye when I leave the house and then remembering I’m talking to no one. I have difficulties sleeping because her presence isn’t there. The house feels lonelier and quieter without her voice, and I’m more aware of when I’m alone than before. She would crawl on my lap and “help” (i.e., get in the way) when I was working. She would comfort me when I was sad and she never failed to bring a smile to my face. My constant companion for eight years died on September 22.
Hearing those words helped me to allow myself to feel the grief without the guilt or shame. My grief is my own, and I must process it in the way that’s best for me. I found ways to give myself touchstones to get through the day. In the immediate aftermath, I found myself unable to put down one of her favorite toys. I carried it around in my pocket while at home. My cat used to follow me around the house, and carrying her toy made it feel like she still was. Then I was able to set that aside when the immediate sorrow has lessened and I no longer felt like I needed that particular reminder. Later, I found an Etsy shop that makes affordable custom rings, and their specialty is slim rings with the name of your pet and a paw print stamped onto it. So I bought a ring with my cat’s name. It was the perfect thing I needed to allow my grief to settle.
