by Carol deLaski | Aug 5, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Courage, Fear, Personal Development, Success
I carefully placed one foot after another on the rungs of a twelve foot ladder while seemingly climbing high into the air. I could sense the ropes-course instructor close behind me as I listened for his directions. I stopped on the sixth rung and twisted my body to the left to allow him to clip a four inch carabineer to the harness strapped around my waist. Hearing the click of the carabineer as it snapped firmly into place, I then grasped with both hands the green plastic sheath that protectively surrounded the heavy gauge steel cable rising from my waist. The instructor double checked my harness, tugging and cinching it tighter, before backing down the ladder. “Are you ready?” he asked, and my reply was yes!
He then took the ladder away leaving me suspended in mid-air by a giant Y- cable that was firmly attached to the trees high above me. It was a strange feeling to just be hanging there, momentarily still, anticipating the rush that was about to come.
The other women on my team that were on the ground started pulling a rope attached to the Y-cable; slowly raising my body even higher into the air. With my face now tilting upwards, I glimpsed the bright blue sky visible beyond the deep forest colors around me. The rope tugging came to a stop as my teammates finished hoisting me into position for this anticipated free-fall drop and swing.
I heard their calls of “You can do this!” and “Go, Carol!” offering me encouragement as the instructor’s voice drifted up, telling me to pull the cord that would release me from this strangely inert position I now found myself in.
I had watched others on my team accomplish this before it was my turn. I knew what was coming and yet I had no idea how this would feel or how I would react. I had witnessed a variety of initial responses as the free fall began, and these ranged from cursing to crying, so I wondered what response the fall would elicit from me. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I reached for the short release cable and gave it a tug.
The drop was instantaneous and a loud scream rose out of my lungs and burst into the air as my body fell straight down. The strong cables attached to my harness seamlessly caught me and lifted me forward as the swing took me across an expanse of underbrush to the other side of the gully I was suspended over. I felt adrenaline course through me as the warm wind rushed against my face, hands, and legs. My initial breathtaking scream turned to whoops of joy as I swung back and forth while thoroughly enjoying the security of the cables holding me. I pumped my legs like a school-girl on a swing-set to keep the joyous momentum going. I smiled both inside and out at the pure thrill of the ride as I heard my team shout enthusiastic congratulations of “You did it!” to me.
When my ride came to an end, the instructor placed the ladder beneath me and unclipped me from the cables. I descended to the ground with a deep sense of accomplishment which comes from discovering an inner resolve to overcome fear.
Reflecting on this experience I can easily apply it to other areas of my life.
Where else do I step out in faith and trust, assured that the cables of my life are going to hold me?
Where else do I rely on my team to help me achieve success?
I often speak of a growing edge with my coaching clients. The nature of the edge is different for each of us and unique to our circumstances. It’s where we choose to focus our efforts to create the change we want in our lives. Some of us step outside the edge of our comfort zone when we speak in public, attend an event alone, or begin a new relationship or job. When we face anything that scares us and move from the familiar to the unfamiliar, we stretch ourselves, learn and grow.
I have been using a theme word this year to focus and guide my own growth. This singular word provides a filter through which I gain perspective on my life challenges. My word is believe. I am finding that there are many things that I believe in.
I believed those steel cables would hold me, or I would have never attached myself to them. I believed the instructor and my team would provide the support, both physically and verbally, that I would need to get through the free-fall swing experience. I believed I would enjoy it once I got past my fears. Ultimately, I believed the calculated risk of the experience was well worth the lessons I would learn from stretching out of my comfort zone in this way.
The same is true for many other areas of my life. As I take well thought-out risks to grow, I surround myself with a team that can provide the support I need. And like the cables that were anchored somewhere high above me, I believe that I am linked to a Source of great strength that will catch me when I fall. Whether that fall is a thrill or a terror; I know that I can trust the invisible forces within the universe; the force that I call God, to hold me as I swing through life.
So, what is your growing edge? Where in your life are you stepping out and trying something new? Wherever it is, I encourage you to trust the team that has been positioned around you at this point in time. Believe that you are being held and supported through the free-fall swing of your life.
Two short videos of Coach Carol’s swing and team support afterwards.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a certified leadership coach and speaker. She will be leading two workshops on the One Word concept in August and you are warmly invited to attend. The workshop is a mid-year check-in for those who have a theme word, as well as an opportunity for new people to learn how to receive their word. For more information click here.
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 17, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Laura Hall, Success
Yes, that’s me! I did it! On July 6th, 2013 I went skydiving for the first time and the experience was everything I wanted it to be and more. If you read my last blog, “The Thing You Fear the Most“, you know that I took a lot of baby steps to get to this place. It feels a little surreal to have this experience behind me. I’m excited to report that everything went almost exactly as I had visualized it would. I had a beautiful day, a competent tandem instructor, and I was actually present for the experience. I enjoyed it! (As you may be able to tell from the smile on my face.) Knowing what you want is so important in life. You will never hit a target you don’t aim for. I definitely hit my target with this experience. The coolest thing I saw was a circular rainbow in one of the clouds. I looked this up on the internet and learned that they are very rare and have a special name. They are called a “glory”. There is no doubt in my mind that this was a sign from God. When I saw the glory I had an overwhelming sense of peace and just knew I was going to be OK. Click here to see a picture that is similar to what I saw. It was beautiful!
People keep asking me how it was and the simplest answer is, “Amazing!”. I’m finding it hard to put the experience in to words. I think that’s because it really wasn’t about the physical act of jumping out of a plane for me, but rather it was about turning and facing a fear rather than running from it. It was about rewriting a rule in the rule book of my life.
You see, I spent a good portion of my life avoiding a lot of the things that scared me. One of the the rules in Laura’s little book of life rules was, “If it scares you, figure out a way to avoid it!”. What, you never heard of that book!?! Hmm…well whether you know it or not, you too have a rule book that you operate out of. Some of the rules really work for you and make life more peaceful, happy and full, while other rules can get in your way and keep you from living the life you want to live. I encourage you to think about this rule book idea for yourself? Do you know your rules? Which ones are supporting you, and which ones are holding you back? How do you feel about rewriting the ones that are no longer serving you?
When I decided that I wanted to rewrite my rule around the things that scare me, I started thinking a lot about the word FEARLESS. What does it take to be fearless? The dictionary defined fearless as, “without fear, brave”. I figured I could practice being brave, but I wasn’t sure how to be without fear. I decided that breaking down the word made sense to me. I could work on being fearless by fearing less. My new rewritten rule became, “Feel the fear, but do it anyway.”. What I found was that the more I did something the less scary it became; I feared it less. When I felt anxious or scared by something, instead of running from it, I looked at it as an opportunity to practice my new rule, feel the fear, but do it anyway. I was making the choice to see things that made me uncomfortable as an opportunity, rather that something to be avoided. It wasn’t easy, and there were many times I was tempted by the old rule, but I was determined. I saw skydiving as a very physical symbol. Fear made me feel like a bird tethered to the ground. There were things I wanted to do, but I was afraid. I wanted the freedom to fly untethered. Skydiving, because it was something that at one point I thought I couldn’t do because of fear, represented freedom. It way my way to soar. I’ve found in the last week, whenever something starts to scare me, all I have to do is remind myself that I jumped out of a plane, and actually enjoyed it and look forward to doing it again. With this big fear behind me, it puts everything else in perspective. I am basking in the freedom of believing that I can do anything I put my mind to.
Skydiving was a major fear of mine and was the thing I just knew intuitively I needed to conquer to prove to my self that I could fear-less. What is your thing? What are you avoiding that you know, deep down, you really want to turn and face. What’s your plane? What are you ready to jump from? Where are you ready to soar? Let’s break the chains of fear and really fly! I know you can do it!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 10, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Fear, Personal Development, Success
Courage. What does this word mean to you? Does it mean stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new? Is it what you use when facing an unexpected diagnosis, change in employment, or loss of your home? Different situations require different degrees and forms of courage. The courage that it takes to face physical challenges can be dissimilar to the courage that it takes to confront social or emotional situations. Additionally, situations that may require me to be courageous may be something that you find easy to do. We are all unique, and yet we have a common resource we draw on when facing life’s challenges; and that is courage. This shared ability can also be referred to as pure guts. It is the unique way that we each choose to face fear.
I have seen powerful examples of courage in the past few weeks.
A dear friend of mine recently lost her entire home in the Colorado forest fires. Despite experiencing a devastating loss of property, she has chosen to be grateful for her family’s safety and for the overwhelming support of her community. Courage can be choosing to fill your heart with gratitude instead of bitterness in the midst of great loss.
After an eight year remission, a diagnosis of the return of cancer has sent a family close to me into a fearful tailspin. Worrisome thoughts of what if tempt them towards despair, yet I see them choosing to be mad at cancer instead. That anger can fuel them to fight this disease together. Courage can be choosing to fight the good fight instead of giving up hope.
The recent death of a young mother who passed away while giving birth stunned her family and cast ripples of grief throughout my faith community. Such a devastating loss seemed incomprehensible, and many wondered how her husband, young son, and newborn daughter, as well has the rest of her extended family and friends, would manage without her. I witnessed powerful courage at her funeral as the family leaned on their faith in this desperate time. Courage can be choosing to use a deep source of strength found in spiritual beliefs; allowing us to hang onto the lifeline those beliefs can provide when overwhelming grief threatens to sweep us away.
These examples of great acts of courage inspire and reassure me. None of us knows what life will bring our way, and it’s tempting to worry what will be around the next bend. I find hope in the realization that we have a choice in how we respond to whatever comes our way. Choosing to be courageous may not necessarily be a conscious choice. It may, instead, be a gut response that occurs in the moment. Whether we are aware of it or not, courage gets us through the circumstances that challenge us.
Courage is not just for the tragic or dramatic moments in our lives.
It is a choice that we make every day when we step out of our comfort zone and try something new. Courage is necessary in order to make subtle changes in our thinking and in our behaviors. Change, by its very nature, is uncomfortable. In order to create new situations or behaviors we have to go through the discomfort, and sometimes fear, of change before we can arrive in a new place. Knowing and expecting that the process is going to be uncomfortable helps us to stick with it, and not retreat to familiar habits that we want to let go of. In addition to a time of discomfort, change can also bring a sense of loss. Even when we desire what is new, we can still grieve the passing away of what has been. Changing relationships challenge us to be courageous.
Another subtle need for courage arises when we need to ask for help. We make ourselves vulnerable when we admit we need assistance from others. I experienced this recently as I asked several respected authors and educators to review my manuscript in order to provide testimonials for the book cover. One of them shared with me his hope that my story would inspire him to write about his transformative life moments. I’m glad I found the courage to share the manuscript, which in turn allowed it to become a gift to others.
Where are you choosing courage in your life? Are you using it to step out of your comfort zone and trying something new, or are you relying on it to face dramatically changing circumstances?
It has been said that courage is fear that has said its prayers and decided to go forward anyway.
May you be inspired by the courage you witness and choose today.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a personal and professional development coach, speaker and soon to be published author. To contact her: email [email protected]. She is also a founder of the Wholistic Woman Retreats community which offers enriching, supportive and fun opportunities for women on-the-grow. You are warmly invited to step out of your comfort zone with this supportive community at their annual zip line retreat on 7/23. Click here to learn more about Zip, Swing & Soar
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 27, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Personal Development, Sandie Lynch, Success
Research on the behavior of change or taking action show that fear is a stronger motivator than the sense of accomplishment. Now don’t get me wrong there are individuals who are strongly motivated by achievement of goals and take action readily with no or little fear of failure. If you are like most; me included; as the research states, when fear stands in the way of our intentions or desires, we resist moving forward and sometimes even give up on the very idea of doing the things we desire most. This is the old “fight or flight” syndrome we were designed with to protect us from wild animals and threats to our life. It seems the determining factor is how BIG is our FEAR and what direction we run! Does it move us toward or away from our goals or desires? Do we need to have a BIG bear chasing us to get us moving toward our goals?
To give an example; As a Registered Dietitian, I have observed in my years of practice, individuals who are frequently educated on the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle for years with little change in behavior. The lack of change typically is due to the change seeming too complicated and may have caused tension within their relationships; thus, the fear of failure or rejection appearing very BIG. Once these same individuals were faced with an acute illness or disease as a consequence of their unhealthy lifestyle, behavior change occurred immediately for fear of the BIG realistic possibility of permanent debilitation or death. So is fear a bad thing? Not necessarily, but when perceived BIGGER than it really is, it can get in our way of living our best life! I love this acronym of FEAR: False Events Appearing Real.
So is there anything we can do when our fear is keeping us stuck from doing the very thing we want or desire; is the fear BIG enough to keep us from moving forward but not BIG enough to motivate the action we want? It seems when no fear or little fear exists in the face of our desires, action is effortless; such as going on vacation, or dinner with friends. How can we STOP FEAR or shrink it from appearing too BIG and standing in our way?
From my own experience, when I focused on the situation I wanted to change it seemed my fear grew BIGGER and my action was paralyzed. As I look back it seems my biggest successes of change happened when I stopped focusing on the situation and/or behaviors that needed changed and instead turned my focus to the One leading me to change. The One leading me was much BIGGER than the situation and the associated fears. The One leading me is God, for I trust He wants for me a good life. As I changed my focus to God, the fears became smaller and sometimes non-existent for I knew God was BIGGER than any situation or fear and promised to lead me to a fuller, better life in this one and the next (Jeremiah 29:11)!
Here are just a few situations from my own experiences where changing my focus made all the difference in what or who was BIGGER; Fear or God.
First, when I finally stopped focusing on how much of a failure I was in eating right and exercising consistently to maintain a healthy weight, and turned my focus on the amazing vessel: the body, God created and wanted to reveal the beauty He created within me, did my choices change and make living a healthy lifestyle effortless and even joyful!
Second, when I finally moved my focus from the fear of rejection from women due to the past hurt from childhood and focused on God’s desire for fellowship to glorify Him, did I find myself encircled by genuine friends that I can trust and truly believe they fully accept and love me in all my quirkiness! The Wholistic Woman Community is a great example of how this circle of friends and acquaintances of genuine acceptance continues to grow. (If the feeling of genuine acceptance is something you want in your life, come join the community!)
And third, it was not until I moved my focus from how BIG and hard growing my ATP business was, believing I was not enough to do it one my own, and focused instead on God, that if ATP was His will for my life, He would grow it and equip me with the help I needed did I see the number of clients increase and I found my passion renewed in serving those who come.
Who is BIGGER in your situations? I encourage you to change your FOCUS and see the reality; that fear is really SMALL next to a BIG GOD!
“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear or be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
~ Deuteronomy 31:6
I invite you to join the Wholistic Women Community for our Zip, Swing, and Soar Event on July 23rd. It will be a fun filled, “Courage” challenging event as we discuss and actually face our fears. Come and be inspired to shrink fear not only as we Zip, Swing, and Soar through the air, but gain strategies to create BIG Courage a reality in any situation. Click here for more information and to register. Hope to see you there!
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 13, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Laura Hall, Personal Development, Success
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. – Mark Twain
Today I’d like to make a public declaration that on July 6th, 2013 I will do something that at one point in my life I thought I couldn’t do. I am going skydiving.
It’s amazing to me how just writing that, I can feel my heart rate increasing. Our fears certainly can have interesting affects on us. What’s up with this physical response? I’m not actually skydiving right now, I’m just thinking about it. Any fear I’m having right now is entirely in my imagination. Our minds certainly are powerful things.
When I went through coach training in 2008, I was encouraged to write a new rule book for my life. At that time I was riddled with anxiety related issues, but I was determined to stop letting fear hold me back. My new rule became, “feel the fear, but do it anyway”. As I prepare myself for my upcoming jump, I find myself repeating this rule often.
As I coach, I also believe in baby steps. Here are the baby steps I’ve taken since deciding that this was a fear I wanted to face. First, I put a picture of a girl skydiving on my vision board which hangs in my bathroom. I look at this on a daily basis and imagine what it’s going to be like to feel the wind in my hair and see the ground below rushing up to greet me. Second, I went to a vertical wind tunnel where I experienced what it feels like to have the wind pushing against me. Third, I’ve been visualizing the ideal skydiving experience (this was suggested to me by my own coach). I picture myself on the ground feeling euphoric, having just had the most amazing jump. And as I am writing this, I am on hold waiting to schedule my reservation. I am going to do this!!!!
How about you? What fear are you ready to face?
Did you know that on July 23rd Wholistic Woman Retreats is hosting Zip, Swing and Soar? What is this you ask? It’s an evening at Upward Enterprises where with the assistance of the Wholistic Woman Retreat coaches you will have the opportunity to try ziplining and the giant swing. For those of you that participated in this with us last year, you know how much fun the ziplining was. We’ve added the swing as another optional opportunity to step outside your comfort zone. Click here to see what the giant swing is all about. If this sounds like something you are interested in then please sign up to join us for your treetop adventure followed by dinner at the Buckeystown Pub. Click here for details.
I hope to see you there, and don’t forget to ask me about my skydiving experience!
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 10, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Fear
I leave next Monday for two weeks in Israel. I have been planning this trip for almost a year and it seems somewhat surreal that it is finally here. I practice being both an observer and a participant in my life so amidst the busyness of finishing work and packing for the trip, I notice how I am feeling. It is a mixture of anticipation, hope, excitement, and to be honest, a bit of fear.
I ask myself what I am afraid of and find the answer lies in the unknown. I realize that when I travel I choose to open myself to new experiences and intentionally invite the unknown into my life. I prepare as best I can, studying maps, talking to those who have been there, and reading about my destination, but I can only absorb so much. I can’t fully prepare for the experience because there is always an element that is new and unexpected, and that is both unnerving and part of the thrill of traveling.
Most of my fear is actually awe. I know that when I seek God, I find Him. That is proven to me on a daily basis as I look for ‘God moments’; those experiences of grace and connection which assure me of a Divine presence guiding my life. Traveling to the Holy Land, and visiting ancient religious sites, I anticipate that I will know and experience God even more fully. After all, this is my ‘Big Seek’, something I have waited a lifetime to do. I anticipate that awe and wonder will be my traveling companions on this pilgrimage trip. I look forward to knowing God better, growing my knowledge and personal faith.
A more troubling aspect of my fear has to do with the unknown and the uncontrollable. As I get caught up in “what if” thinking I realize that I am fretting over things which I have no control over. Worries ranging from logistical ‘what if my luggage gets lost’ to political ‘what if the trouble in Syria affects us’ leave me anxious and off balance.
I have decided that fear is unavoidable; there is so much we cannot control. In the book, ‘What Women Fear – Walking in Faith that Transforms’, author Angie Smith describes living with fear as a balancing act. Letting go of the expectation of finding a solution to end fear, as well as the hope that we will never tremble again, we embrace the ebb and flow of that balancing act. She asks us to consider what we depend on when our balance begins to tip. Are there patterns in our thinking that throw us off balance and what is the kind of thinking that steadies us? Moving towards greater balance requires concentration, effort, and awareness on our part.
Becoming more aware of our fears can be fearful itself. Like me, if you think, “I’m afraid to know my fears better” be reassured that you are not alone. You can have companions on your journey to learning what restores balance when fear sends you tipping sideways. Together we will emerge as women who not only acknowledge fear but face it with inner resolve and resources. Balancing what we can do with trusting a Divine presence in the midst of fear steadies us and reduces those fears to a more manageable size.
I warmly invite you to explore this topic further with me in two ways.
My next Clarity Coaching Group will be reading and applying principles from Smith’s book “What Women Fear – Walking in Faith that Transforms” starting Thursday, April 12th from 7-8:30 pm. Join us for this 3 month series (meeting bi-monthly) to learn skills to balance your fears by leaning on an inner Divine connection. Click here for more details on this workshop or email [email protected].
And/or stay connected to me on my journey through Israel via my notes on Facebook to see what joys and insights this adventure will bring. Click Here To Follow My Journey.
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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