by Carol deLaski | Feb 9, 2015 | Carol deLaski, Personal Development, Professional Development, Success
5 Reasons Why It’s Important
If I were to ask you what your strengths are, what would you say?
Would the question challenge you to speak honestly about your good qualities…make you feel uncomfortable…or both? Or would you wonder, what’s the point, and dismiss the question as irrelevant?
If you find it difficult to ‘toot your own horn’ and say aloud what makes you special… you are not alone. In fact, many of us don’t know what our strengths are in the first place, much less how to talk about them in a confident and non-egotistical manner.
In my work as a personal and professional development coach I hear many responses to this question about strengths awareness. I have identified five reasons as to why it is important that we know our own strengths – those inner qualities that make us unique.
Strengths awareness helps you to:
- Know and accept yourself – Some of us don’t recognize that our unique qualities (even our idiosyncrasies) can be our strengths. We take these characteristics for granted and minimize them with statements such as Oh, that’s just me being me or I’ve always been that way. We often dismiss our strengths and perhaps actively hide them. We may have been told, at some point in our lives, that our way of being is not acceptable or good enough. Perhaps having a natural tendency to be sensitive, social, or competitive has been minimized or criticized by the influential people in our lives…so we have learned to hide these characteristics. When you accept and develop your ‘different-ness’ it can become an asset that moves a specific team or organization towards their goals. Your contribution is unique….and is valuable for exactly that reason. Strengths awareness helps you to recognize and embrace who you are at your core.
- Stay motivated and energized – Have you ever noticed that when you’re doing what you love that time seems to fly by? Hours pass in what feels like minutes because you are pursuing your passion. You’re doing what comes naturally to you and when you’ve completed the task, you realize that even though you may be physically tired you are full of an inner energy, enthusiasm, and sense of accomplishment. The reason for this phenomenon is that by using your strengths you are fed on a deep level. You are in alignment with your purpose when you use your unique gifts and talents. In contrast, when we try to force ourselves to do what does not come naturally we tend to be sluggish. This low energy causes us to procrastinate and delay engaging in those activities. This doesn’t excuse us from doing tasks that aren’t in our strengths spectrum. In those instances, however, we can recognize why we are de-motivated and re-frame the task by using our strengths or partner with someone who has a passion for that task. Strengths help us to create more motivation and energy.
- Release the need to be good at everything – Our educational and employment systems encourage (and sometimes insist) that we are well-rounded and good at many things. The truth is that we can’t be good at everything, but we can excel at certain things. When we focus on what we naturally do well and develop those talents and skills further, we release the pressure to excel in all areas. When we stop comparing ourselves to others and release the need to be like someone else, it frees us to develop our unique abilities. Authors Rath and Conchie, in their book Strengths-based Leadership, state “If you spend your life trying to be good at everything, you will never be great at anything. While our society encourages us to be well-rounded, this approach inadvertently breeds mediocrity.” I believe that when you step into your strengths you step into your greatness.
- Recognize your partners – When you accept that you don’t have to be good at everything and commit to developing your natural abilities, the areas where you don’t excel become apparent. An honest look at strengths means an honest look at the gaps, or weaknesses, as well. Recognizing the gaps in our abilities may be uncomfortable, but it is necessary to develop successful partnerships. Individuals may not be well-rounded but the most successful teams are. Knowing your strengths helps you become clear about the characteristics that are needed to balance you in order to produce the best results at work and at home. For example, technology is a necessity for my business and day-to-day living, but it is not one of my strengths. I rely on others with IT skills and a passion to help people like me in order to use technology effectively. Knowing your strengths helps you to identify your gaps and the complementary partnerships that are necessary for your success.
- Manage your strengths for better results – It is one thing to be able to name our strengths and quite another thing to know how to use them consciously to bring about desirable results. Self-management is about learning how to modulate your strengths so that they are serving you effectively. Like turning the heat up or down on the stove, we can dial our strengths up or back when necessary to get the results we need. Without strengths awareness we may neglect to establish appropriate boundaries leading us into challenging situations where we override others with too much of a good thing. For example, someone with the strength of Responsibility will quite naturally take on tasks to help move a project towards completion. This is a great quality, however, without healthy boundaries this strength can lead to several danger zones. The responsible person may, in time, feel overly burdened leading to burn-out and/or feelings of martyrdom. Additionally, co-dependency can develop as s/he does tasks that someone else needs to be doing for themselves. Each and every strength has a positive and negative side; a way in which it serves us and a way in which it does not serve us. It’s important to know what our strengths look like when they go outside of healthy boundaries and how to restore balance when that happens. As we become more aware of our strengths the ability to effectively manage them increases significantly.
With these 5 reasons in mind I encourage you to know your strengths and use them wisely.
To quote one of my favorite books, ‘You are fearfully and wonderfully made’ ….in other words, you are Awesome! Embrace more fully who you are so that you can become all that you want to be. I wish you well on the journey to being your best!
Today’s author: Carol deLaski, PCC, is an author, speaker, and coach who specializes in strengths development for businesses and individuals. Feel free to email Carol with your comments or questions about strengths development ([email protected]) or attend an upcoming retreat to learn more about the Strengths approach to being your best self. You can hear Carol speak at Be Strong, an evening retreat, Confident Communication, a business luncheon program, and Be Brave a two day retreat. Details at www.caroldelaski.com.
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 6, 2015 | Change, Sandie Lynch
5 Steps to help you find peace, joy and the ability to rejoice in whatever you are going through.
When we feel challenged by a situation, a person, and or a hardship, probably the last thing we think about is rejoicing. But what if we were told that for every difficult situation we moved through we would win money, and that the more difficult the situation the more money we would win; up to a million dollars for each challenge we successfully faced and moved through. How would this change how see challenges? I can imagine that knowing this beforehand may make each new challenge more exciting, and may make it be something we look forward to verses an energy drain.
Now, unless this is a game show, it is unlikely money will be our motivating factor to face our difficulties with excitement, but it is possible to see our biggest challenges as opportunities for positively impacting our lives, and that these challenges could actually lead us to more money, greater happiness, exceptional success, everlasting peace and joy.
Many moons ago, I can remember I was extremely discouraged about a challenging time at work, and a dear friend who was being supportive suggested I consider this – when I find myself stuck or experiencing the same difficulty over and over again or maybe even a “season” of struggle, that it may be that “life” is trying to teach me a lesson. She also suggested that until I learn that lesson, I would continue to experience this difficulty over and over and over, until I finally got it. Therefore, I could continue to repeat the process, stay stuck, and feel frustrated or “look for the lesson” and move on. Ever since this conversation, I have kept this in mind, and looked for the lesson “life”, or as I see it, God was wanting me to learn. As I have practiced being the observer over the past 15 years, it is getting easier to embrace peace and find patience as I “look for the lesson” through difficult and challenging times.
Now I find myself joking with my friends, that it time to look for “learn the lesson” so that I can get the heck out of this mess and move one. The truth is, the biggest lesson I’m learning is, as I “look for the lesson,” I’m having more fun and joy laughing at myself throughout the process. I have to admit, not all situations lend themselves to rejoicing, but when much of it is outside of my control, and I find myself trying to gain control or change something I can’t change, I have to laugh and eventually decide that it is best to sit back, look for the lesson, and enjoy the ride…finally…Rejoice in the process! I have come to a place where I have realized, life is too short to agonize through tough times, and because there will be many, I don’t want to live the majority of my life to feeling drained and stressed.
Here are a few tips and beliefs that have helped me find peace, joy and the ability to rejoice in the process, I pray they help you if you are in difficult place right now.
- Embrace that each difficulty or challenge is allowed into our life for a greater good, something we can’t see but trust that it will show up later, like the money concept above. Trust that “life” or God knows what we need and this difficulty is moving us in the direction we need to go. Often we see this in hindsight, but don’t consider this during the dark or difficult days.
- See discomfort as the alarm that tells us something needs to change or “not so good stuff” will show up later, therefore TURN NOW! Sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves and expect way too much or be on the insanity cycle; expecting different results, but doing the same thing. Feeling pain, fear, anxiety, humiliation, are strong emotions that are signals to take notice that there is a lesson to learn! Instead of running or trying to control the situation, see it instead as the alert to avoid greater harm in the future, and embrace a new way.
- Give Yourself Grace and don’t expect more than you do. When feeling inadequate to handle the situation, that’s when we are being pulled to forces outside ourselves to ask for help from others and our higher power or God. Evidence show, reaching out to others lowers our stress hormone cortisol and increases our oxytocin, our love hormone to help us to feel calmer during hard times. We are designed for relationship and this is where the best outcomes show up. Think about it, when we help others, it feels great. Trust there are people just waiting to help! Reach out and feel the love! The burden is always lighter when shared.
- Trust in the process and believe there are no mistakes! We are exactly where we need to be to learn the next life lesson. If you are like I was…a little stubborn, the process may be slower than desired. But believe me, we are being pulled, guided, and motivated toward our greater good. Learning is like a foundation, it has to be built before the beautiful house we want to live in can be built. By accepting each challenge as an opportunity for positive growth, we expand our wisdom in what we are here for and wisely move toward living our best life by living in our designed purpose.
- Rejoice in the process! Look for the lesson, the connection, and or the open door that leads toward your best…otherwise, what is the alternative? May you live with more peace, joy, and rejoice through each difficulty, anticipating the good around the corner!!
Today’s author: Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
Check out ATP Fitness to “Kick-Start” your 2015. Learn, practice, and embrace the strategies that will build Wholistic Wellbeing for life!
Contact Sandie at [email protected] to find out more!
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 30, 2015 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Retreats
The words community and celebration summarize our kick- off event of the new Be You series for the 2015 Wholistic Woman Retreats year at a glance. The new Be You program is building from a past series called Build Your Own Business (BYOB) success that I created five years ago as a way to build and weave a community together on a monthly basis with education and happy hours. Roughly 500 overlapping participants (mostly women) joined in for the personal and professional tips, fun networking, and a focus on results. All women based speakers brought powerful knowledge to our community, and this will continue.
During our event on Tuesday, we spent much of our time discussing the power of one word which filled the room with words of wisdom. I was happy to hear the word “shine” two times as that was my word last year and it served me well. My word this year is “move”. As I received this strong word late last year it became clear it was time to “move” toward the “Be You” program – dropping the “B” or Business from BYOB and focusing on YOU with a supportive group of professional coaches and members of the Wholistic Woman community.
Part of the program on Tuesday, which was extra special for me, was a 10 year business anniversary celebration of my KRB Customized Training Solutions, now KRB Business Solutions LLC. As I shared a few milestones, it was clear the first half of the decade was business building and the second part community building. My business motto is educate, motivate and cultivate. In building my business it was about education and motivation all the way. I have learned that the cultivating piece is a process and takes time. My business has involved traveling the past 20 years and you could say working on the road is how I do business. In the middle years of building my business, I was really craving community in my area. As the saying goes, “home is where the heart is” and those of you that know me, know I have a lot of heart. With traveling, my heart was all over the place. The BYOB monthly sessions, which I conducted and trained on a much bigger scale for a corporation before starting my own business, came to be a constant and were the building blocks in my life here locally. I have recognized that some business projects will come and go – like hitting the ball out of the park with a Washington Nationals 6 month contract during their inaugural season, and some stay – like my new Joint Venture in Texas formed with my top client of 5 years.
It is interesting that before starting my business there was a postcard with the words “take a leap of faith” that nudged me to start my business and now I am living this one word in my joint venture Minute Leap DFW, LLC years later.
Community building is where the heart is. The encouragement, empathy and attitude of gratitude in our community makes us whole. In other words, business will be here, but community is the heart that keeps us alive and growing. I am proud to see the seed I have planted grow, and it feels amazing to serve a larger community through WWR and pass on a program to more “women on the- grow” for more enrichment.
Our celebration the other night was topped off with a champagne toast and songs I selected for Coach Sandie to sing. Just as we all sang, “walking 500 miles and 500 more to be the one who walk those miles and shows up at your door” – KRB will be there, WWR will be there, our door is open and we invite you in. We have walked these miles and are opening more doors in our community. The second song, “Walking on Sunshine” touches me and touched others with beautiful words like: “ I feel alive, I feel a love.” I am more alive and a better me because of our community, and hope the new Be You program will serve you to be the best YOU in 2015.
If you are not a member, please consider reviewing our membership plan for Wholistic Woman Retreats by Clicking Here to see how you can build a better you through our community membership. Be Whole, and celebrate Being YOU!
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse Brown is an executive coach, conference speaker, HR expert, and seminar leader on employee and management training. Through her company, KRB Business Solutions, LLC, she specializes in communications and leadership, career coaching, and result driven solutions for hospitality, healthcare and service oriented clients. You can reach Kelye at [email protected] or visit her website www.krbcustomizedtrainingsolutions.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 21, 2015 | Laura Hall
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” –Stephen R. Covey
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the word “listen”, as it’s my One Word for 2015. The questions I’ve been asking myself are, “What does it mean to really listen?”, “How can I be a better listener?” and “What gets in the way of listening for me?”.
I believe the above quote, by Stephen Covey, speaks to what it means to really listen. It’s about going into the conversation with the intention of understanding what the other person is saying.
When I was in coach training I remember learning about the 3 levels of listening. Understanding these levels can be very useful when it comes to being a better listener.
Level 1 is subjective listening. When you are operating from level 1 listening the main thought in your mind is, “How does this relate to me?”. An example of level 1 listening may look something like this:
Speaker: “I had a really hard time falling asleep last night! I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I had to do this week.”
Listener: “I know, I hate when that happens to me! I end up so exhausted the next day that I’m not as effective as I could be.”
Level 2 is objective listening. At this level, the listener is completely focused on the speaker. They have turned down the volume on their own thoughts and are really trying to hear what the speaker is saying. An example of level 2 listening might be:
Speaker: “I had a really hard time falling asleep last night! I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I had to do this week.”
Listener: “I’m sorry that happened to you, what time did you finally get to sleep?”
Level 3 is intuitive listening. Here, the listener is paying attention not only to the actual words, but also noticing tone of voice, energy level, feelings, etc. In essence, the listener is also paying attention to what’s NOT being said. For example:
Speaker: “I had a really hard time falling asleep last night! I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I had to do this week.”
Listener: “It sounds like you must have a lot going on! It also sounds like you may be feeling a little overwhelmed and stressed out. What were you able to do to finally get back to sleep?”
At the end of the level 3 example, the listener asked a question. This is a great way to be a better listener. Ask questions! It lets the speaker know you are fully engaged and are interested in what they are saying.
Good listeners also pay attention to body language – both their own as well as the person they are listening to.
Good listeners make eye contact, they nod occasionally, and every now and then add a “yes” or “right” to the conversation. They also watch the other person’s body language. They pay attention to the other person’s posture and facial expressions as both of these will give them clues about how the other person is feeling and what they are really trying to express.
Finally, people who are excellent listeners understand what gets in the way of them fully listening. I’ve come up with a list of things I know get in my way. These include:
- Multitasking – i.e. watching TV while I’m talking to someone on the phone, checking my texts while I’m talking to someone in person, or playing a game on my iPad while my child is trying to tell me something about their day
- Having more than one conversation going at a time – It used to be that if I was choosing a seat at a large table, I’d pick the middle spot so I could be involved in all of the conversations. What I’ve learned over time is that this no longer works for me. I now pick an end seat so there are less conversations going on around me and I can more fully focus on those closest to me.
- A subject I’m not interested in – This is a tricky one for me because I love to learn new things, but when a subject becomes boring to me or too complicated for me to understand (like maybe nuclear physics) I know I have a tendency to zone out.
- Physical discomfort – pain, hunger, being too hot or too cold, needing to go to the bathroom, being tired. All of these can get in the way of being the best listener I can be.
- Not being fully present – when I have a lot of my own stuff going on and my mind is racing, I have a hard time not letting my mind wander..
- Making assumptions – My mind likes to try to figure things out. I sometimes assume I know what the person is going to say next. I believe this gets in the way of me listening fully
When you know what gets in your way when it comes to listening, you know what to look out for. What would go on your list? I’d love it if you’d list them in the comments section below 🙂
If you want to be a better listener, I believe that just like everything, the more you practice, the better you get. Pay attention to what level you are operating out of, ask questions, be aware of body language, and be mindful of the things that could get in the way.
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 18, 2014 | Holidays, Sandie Lynch
Not just survive!
The Holiday Season is upon us. Will you thrive or survive? For many the holiday season may be a source of cheer, joy, love, and connection, others may feel a lot of stress, and then there are some who may barely “survive” the whole process.
What contributes to all the stress?
There could be feelings the loss or being disconnected from loved ones and/or having sadness over broken relationships. Having unrealistic expectations set by others or even on you. A busier schedule is typical with decorating the house, gift buying and wrapping, extra social events, and preparing special meals and treats, leading us to eat richer foods more often. Therefore, the busier schedule, high expectations and rich food is a recipe for high stress and maybe even a wellbeing disaster.
What is the mindset that leads to increased stress and possibly a “wellbeing” meltdown?
Look over the following list of self-talk. Do you find yourself saying any of the following?
- If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.
- I have to do _______, it’s what everyone expects.
- I need to do _______I don’t want to disappoint or upset anyone I have to do it this way, its tradition!
- I’ll get rest when its done!
- I’ll start an exercise plan and eat better starting in January.
- I don’t have time to do what I want or need, everyone else comes first
If you answered yes to any of the statements above, consider embracing a mindset to thrive in “Wholistic Wellbeing” and not just survive this holiday.
- I am a divine being created to enjoy this Holiday.
- Only my creator and I know what is best for me.
- An “Attitude of Gratitude” is a great gift to share.
- The best things in life are free!
- You are enough, anything more is just stuff.
Now equipped with a Mindset to Thrive…
- Determine what is most important and let the rest go!
- Be Realistic of what is possible to accomplish in normal daytime hours.
- Communicate openly your new plan with those it may affect, invite and enlist others to take on what you are “letting go.”
- Embrace healthy habits throughout the Holidays
- Do fun exercise 2-3 times a week for 30 minutes to lighten your mood and increase your energy. The result will be a sharper mind, more tone, strength and increased confidence for those social events.
- Eat healthy, choosing 5 fruits and vegetables a day, lean meats, low fat dairy, and whole grains and legumes daily. You will optimize your metabolism, immune and digestive system, keeping you light on your feet, full of energy, and help keep the weight off ensuring you feel great in those holiday clothes
- Limit rich foods and extras to 1 day a week and then “get it out of the house” so you’re not tempted to “munch” the rest of the week.
The Holidays are a time for love and connection, why not start with you!
Do more than survive…Thrive!
Written by Sandie Lynch MS, RDN, LDN, Registered Dietitian, Personal Trainer, and Wholistic Wellbeing Coach. Owner and CEO of ATP Consultants, LLC. Sharing 5 Key Principles to Attain Top Performance in living your best life at any age!
Check out ATP Fitness in January to “Kick-Start” your 2015. Learn, practice, and embrace the strategies that will build Wholistic Wellbeing for life!
Contact Sandie at [email protected] to find out more!
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 10, 2014 | Kelye Rouse-Brown, Retreats
“I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk 500 more just to be the “woman” ……great lyrics by the Proclaimers. At this time I reflect and celebrate the 10 years and thousands of miles I have walked, with others, to be the woman I am today in business. KRB Customized Training Solutions celebrates 10 years this January 2015 and for the last 5 years has included and created a series of seminars called BYOB or Build Your Own Business success with 500 cumulative participants. The business sessions picked up momentum year after year reaching a five year milestone in 2014. They proved to be a great outlet for small business and entrepreneurs to become educated, motivated and to cultivate their individual success. All it really takes is one step that turns into three to make a better you with more success, both personally and professionally.
My 3 lessons and motto are:
- Educate – share and do what builds your skills and knowledge to develop yourself and others
- Motivate – build a strong team and community to support yourself and others to spark action
- Cultivate – grow, have fun, and let the spirit of positivity shine through to build success
These steps have been the foundation of my business success. It all started with my background in hospitality (both hotel and corporate work) which gave me the skills and knowledge to go out on my own and form KRB Customized Training Solutions, a professional HR, training and coaching company. I’m happy to announce that my new business name will be launched in 2015: KRB Business Solutions, LLC.
Five years into my business I recognized I wanted to reach out to the community and offer mini-seminars like I had on a much larger scale when I worked in the corporate world. Prior to starting my own business I traveled 40 weeks a year, and thousands of miles, delivering workshops and opening hotels in North America. It seemed as easy as one, two, three, to start workshops locally for large and small organizations, and entrepreneurs….. and to call them Build Your Own Business (BYOB) success seminars.
Initially, I conducted all of the training sessions myself. In time, however, I decided to invite area professionals to participate in the BYOB series and offer their expertise…which was a great move! Some of the topics I led were:
- Cutting Edge Communication
- Human Resources
- Mentoring and Accountability
- Creating Memorable Customer Care Moments
- Leadership
- Personal Sales
Jane Helm with Moore Wealth was a large contributor to the success of BYOB, adding topics such as ‘How to Play the Money Game’ and ‘More Money Matters’. Other professionals and topics included Using YouTube for Business Growth by Whitney Hahn of Digital Bard and Vitality Visioning by Jeanette Eleff of Focused Vitality, just to name a few.
It was a win-win…sharing what we know and learning from others at the same time, to really grow. The condensed sessions were designed for participants to unwind with fun networking from 5pm-6pm while discussing 10 business savvy tips. The focus was improving your business, and yourself, taking ownership of your success, and having a happy hour.
Many of the professionals that contributed to the success of BYOB were members of the Wholistic Coaching Coalition, a group of local certified coaches that I co-founded with Carol delaski, Laura Hall, Sandie Lynch, Lisa DiSciullo and Jeanette Eleff in 2010. My motto of Educate, Motivate, and Cultivate contributed to the success of the Wholistic Woman Retreats community.
I’m happy to announce that KRB Customized Training Solution’s BYOB program is growing and changing into a new and better version and will be called Be YOU in 2015. KRB and the Wholistic Coaches, who each have their own businesses, are excited to take new steps to bring you the Be YOU series. We are enhancing the program to include a private room, dinner, book topics facilitated by the coaches, longer sessions and a few past BYOB presenters for 2015.
Thank you for 10 years of learning, growing, and supporting one another. Join us as we continue to take steps to build a better you with this supportive community.
Save the date for the launch of the Be You series on Tuesday, January 27th 2015 – 5:30pm-7pm at Jo Jo’s Restaurant, 16 E. Patrick St. Frederick, MD to learn more about these fun and enriching opportunities.
Today’s author: Kelye Rouse-Brown is an executive coach, conference speaker, HR expert, and seminar leader on employee and management training. Through her company, KRB Customized Training Solutions, she specializes in communications and leadership, career coaching, and result driven solutions for hospitality, healthcare and service oriented clients. You can reach Kelye at [email protected] or visit her website www.krbcustomizedtrainingsolutions.com
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