by Carol deLaski | Jun 11, 2015 | Laura Hall, Personal Development, Self-Care
Those of you that know me personally, know that I love my life. Sure, I’ve had moments when things weren’t going the way that I wanted, but for the most part my life is good! I’ve been wondering lately if I’m just lucky or if there is something I’m doing that helps me love my life. What I’ve come up with is that yes, there has been a little luck involved (I was born in a free country during a time where modern day advances make so many things easier – think indoor plumbing, I’ve never had to fight for an education and my parents taught me to believe I could do anything I put my mind to, but the bigger impact has come from the questions I ask myself on a regular basis. I believe these questions are important to ask yourself everyday. On days when you love your life as well as on days when you don’t love your life.
So, what are these questions you might ask…well, they are the 3 questions that I ask myself every day and instead of keeping you in suspense, as I’m not one for drama, lets just cut to the chase.
- What is my life trying to teach me? When you go to bed each night, review your day. Think about the ups and the downs that occurred. Try looking at these moments as life lessons that are there to course correct you and show you the way to loving your life. One of my favorite shirts that I own right now says, “Do More of What Makes You Happy”. What makes you happy? What was it about the “ups” in your day that felt right to you? How can you bring more of that into other situations? For example, I find I’m happier when I’m outside, which is why you will often find me sitting on my back porch with my computer instead of inside at my desk. This is especially helpful when the computer work is something I’m not looking forward to. What was it about the “downs” in your day? What are they trying to teach you? Are there relationships that need more boundaries? Are you trying to go it alone when you really should be asking for help? Is it time to let something go that you’ve been holding onto? Be curious and then wait. The answers will rise up to meet the question.
- What am I pretending not to know? I believe we all have an inner knowing. Oftentimes we don’t like what that voice inside of us is saying, so we ignore it. Oprah Winfrey says, “Difficulties come when you don’t pay attention to life’s whisper. Life always whispers to you first, but if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you’ll get a scream.” Learn to listen to the whispers. It makes life so much easier! I find this question helps me access the whisper. I encourage you to give it a try. What are you pretending not to know?
- What can I do differently tomorrow? This question is about knowing that everyday is a new day and it gives you the opportunity to be something different than you were yesterday; to do something different that you did yesterday. At my core, I believe that life is both a classroom and a laboratory. As soon as I learn that something isn’t working, I go into my life and start experimenting. I set different intentions. I try something new. Albert Einstein says the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Stop the insanity! If your life isn’t working; if you aren’t loving your life, TRY SOMETHING DIFFERENT! It doesn’t have to a big something. Little changes can have big effects especially when they are carried out consistently over a period of time.
If you are experiencing a challenging time in your life, why not give these questions a try. If you need a little extra help, look for someone that can help you figure out what is getting in the way of you loving your life. You deserve it! You deserve to love your life!
Do you love your life? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 29, 2015 | Laura Hall
Wholistic Woman Retreats (WWR) is a community of women who are interested in personal and professional growth. WWR is run and led by a team of mid-atlantic area professional coaches who provide skillful leadership aimed at teaching and guiding women to greater fulfillment through retreats, workshops, and speaking engagements. WWR has recently added an affiliate coach program to what they have to offer. This program is designed to support professional coaches who want to be part of a supportive, nurturing team. It is also designed to be a place where the woman looking to work with a professional coach can go to find the one that will best fit her needs.
Today we want to introduce you to Liz King, one of our new affiliate coaches. What follows is a question and answer dialog with Liz to help you get to know her.
Tell us a little bit about yourself.
I am married to a wonderful, loving, and extremely supportive husband. He and my two beautiful and energetic step daughters add so much joy to my life. We have recently settled in Frederick after moving around the majority of our lives and both feel like we are home here. Besides my family and faith, the three things that get me most excited in life are traveling, running, and helping women get healthy. I have managed to combine these passions over the last 15 years through my work coaching and teaching women and youth both internationally and locally.
I have been formally coaching for five years although I’ve spent most of my professional life in this capacity without realizing that it was an actual profession. Before I began coaching, I spent six years working internationally for humanitarian aid and missions organizations. I taught English and Biblical studies in many African and Asian countries, and provided awareness training and after care for women and children enslaved in human trafficking. I still have a part of my heart in Africa and hope to be able to travel there once again in the near future.
Why did you decide to become an affiliate coach with Wholistic Woman Retreats?
From the very first time I took part in a WWR event, I felt I belonged in this community. I loved the encouraging, motivating, and honest atmosphere I experienced at the Be Courageous Retreat I attended. Since then I have been able to get to know the coaches personally and discovered that the mission of WWR is upheld by each one of them personally and professionally, and their heart’s desire is to see women become whole. This is very close to my heart and in line with my professional mission. It just felt like a natural fit. I believe collaboration is essential to growth and couldn’t imagine missing an opportunity to work alongside all of the inspiring women of the Wholistic Woman Community.
Have you found your One Word for 2015? If so, what is it and what does it mean to you?
My One Word for 2015 is FAITH. Each day we encounter opportunities to take a leap of faith; to take risks and challenge ourselves to step out of our comfort zone into the unknown. Sometimes these are very large leaps and sometimes they are small steps. However, both take an element of courage and for me that courage comes from my personal faith that God has my back. My word is challenging me to look for opportunities each day to be a little uncomfortable, to do something I know I should do, even if it is not easy. I am confident that in doing this, it will bring growth in my life as well as hold the potential to help others. I make the choice to put my faith in God on a daily basis and to walk out the things I believe He is calling me to do, even when they are scary. I like the quote, “Do It Afraid” because it reminds me that courage is not the absence of fear, but it is triumphing over it by doing it afraid. I am growing my faith muscle by facing my fears and by taking on challenges.
Our group is for “women on the grow”. Where are you growing? How has your involvement with Wholistic Woman Retreats impacted this?
I am growing in my practice of rejecting perfectionism. This, I’m finding, has been a life long journey. One I have done really well at in some seasons and very poorly other times. However, I have recently discovered the freedom in rejecting the voices that try to enforce perfectionism in my daily life. This is a daily battle and one that I find the more I rely on God’s strength and grace in my life becomes a little more doable. It requires replacing destructive thoughts with positive and encouraging self-talk…I am working on this daily.
What is a really good piece of advice you’ve received that you continue to use today?
To acknowledge my blessings out loud every morning before I get out of bed.
To live each day as if it was your last.
To ask myself, “If I knew I couldn’t fail, what would I do with my life?”
Tell us about your coaching practice…What’s your niche? Who is your ideal client? How can people find you if they’d like to work with you?
I work with women of all ages to help her create healthy lives through mental, physical, and spiritual wholeness. This looks differently for every client and I enjoy coming alongside each woman at the point in her journey where she has decided it is time to get healthy and to reach her personal or professional goals. I love helping women discover her potential, whether through personal training where she learns that working out is actually fun, or coaching her through a life transition where she learns she is stronger and more capable than she thought.
Women can visit my website: www.coaching4her.com to find out more information. They can also email me at [email protected] or call (240) 397-6437 with any specific questions or for more information.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 8, 2015 | Laura Hall, Personal Development
I believe a great subtitle for this blog could be, ‘Daring Greatly’ because, if you are anything like me, speaking your truth and asking for what you need can feel very risky. However, if you want to show up, be seen and live brave™ in your life, learning how to speak your truth and to ask for what you need are skills you are going to want to cultivate and develop.
I came to realize how important this was during my first year of marriage.
My first year of marriage was not what I expected. Without going into too much detail and oversharing in such a public forum, suffice it to say that my needs weren’t being met, but I didn’t know how to speak that truth and ask for what I needed. I was afraid! I was afraid that if I spoke my truth I would hurt my husband’s feelings. I worried about how ‘my truth’ would affect my new marriage. I was full of self doubt and self criticism. The thoughts that swirled around in my head were…you must be crazy, the first year is supposed to be fun and easy, what’s wrong with you!
I tried to talk to my husband but was not having much success. In hindsight, I now know that the reason I wasn’t having much success is because I was only speaking half truths, and I myself wasn’t clear on what I needed.
I knew we needed help!
So we got it! We starting seeing a marriage counselor. Her name was Mary and to this day, 24 years later, Bill and I both give her credit in helping us create the amazing marriage we have today.
Through working with her I learned that I needed to practice being vulnerable about how I was feeling. Yes, talking about how I was feeling was scary. There was uncertainty about how it was going to be received and I felt emotionally exposed. Brené Brown, author of Daring Greatly, defines vulnerability as uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure. This ‘speaking your truth and asking for what you need’ thing is the definition of being vulnerable!
So, how do we do it?
I’ve been practicing since those early days of my marriage, and here is what I’ve learned along the way:
1. Clarity is vital – get really clear about your truth and what you need. There are lots of ways to do this. My two favorite methods are journaling and talking to a trusted friend. Journaling allows you to gather your thoughts and feelings and to look at them more objectively. “Is this really true for me?” is the question I ask myself as I’m putting my thoughts on paper.
When it comes to talking to my friends I reach out to friends that I know are going to offer me other ways of looking at the situation. In these conversations, I’m not looking for my friends to agree with everything I’m saying but rather to challenge me with such questions as, “Do you “really believe that?”, or “Have you considered how this looks from a different perspective?”. Fortunately, I’ve surrounded myself with trusted friends who know they can challenge me to look at my beliefs and truth test them so to speak.
2. Timing matters – wait for your reaction to subside so you can choose your response. This lesson has been a game changer in so many areas of my life and I call it, ‘pushing the pause button’. Pushing the pause button involves waiting until my reactive self – the part of me that is angry, frustrated, hurt, etc. – has settled and my more responsive self has shown up. Sometimes this happens in moments, sometimes hours, and sometimes days or even weeks. When I speak out of reaction it feels out of control and oftentimes I say things I don’t mean vs when I wait until the storm has settled I can speak my truth and ask for what I need from a calmer place and this always leads to clearer communication.
3. Avoid blame – have you ever noticed how big of a problem defensiveness can be in hindering communication? To avoid this, practice using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. “I” statements allow you to take ownership of your feelings, while “you” statement point the finger at the other person and this can lead to them getting defensive.
A friend of mine recently told me that she has a sign in her office that says, “Speak your truth, even if your voice shakes”. I love this!!!! I think it sums up the idea that speaking our truth and asking for what we need can be an uncomfortable thing to do but in the long run its the only way to live an authentic life. So, here’s to Daring Greatly one truth at a time! ~ Laura
PS. If you’d like a little help practicing this, please consider joining me at Wholistic Woman Retreats next ‘Be You’ event. The topic is ‘Be Daring’ and I will be presenting. For details and registration information, click here
Where in your life do you want to Show up, Be Seen and Live Brave™? As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall has been helping people just like you make changes in their lives. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 25, 2015 | Guest Blogging, Laura Hall
Wholistic Woman Retreats (WWR) is a community of women who are interested in personal and professional growth. We believe that growth is best fostered in an environment where supporting one another and being committed to the practice of self care are the norms. This is what we stand for, and we attract women who understand this. The women who make up our membership are an amazing group, and we want to introduce them to you. With that goal in mind, today’s blog is based on an interview I had with WWR member, Beth Mende Conny. So let’s go…let’s meet Beth!
Beth became a WWR member in October of 2014. She is a writer and the president of Write Directions. When you think of Beth, think of books! As she told me, “I help people write and build their businesses through books. So many people have a book inside of them and it’s my joy to help them give it shape and substance.”
In talking with her, it was obvious how much pleasure she gets from helping people make their writing and book dreams come true. She offers classes, coaching and inspiration. If you’d like to know more about Beth’s business or have a writing project in mind, I encourage you to visit her website, WriteDirections.com. She offers a free 20-minute consultation.
The first WWR event Beth attended was our 2014 Be Strong retreat at ThorpeWood in Thurmont, MD. The experience was a wonderful one, she said, and led to her decision to become a WWR member. She sees it as a great way to create balance in her life.
When it comes to One Word, Beth enjoys the concept but has found it challenging. She jokes that being a writer makes choosing a single word difficult because she doesn’t want to exclude others, particularly over the course of an entire year. And so she has modified the One Word concept so that she can change her word as her situation and growth requires. When I interviewed her, her word was “Learn.” It is now “Clear.” Beth says “Clear” has several meanings for her: to clear clutter and negative thoughts from her life, to be clear in her intentions and to look at the world more clearly.
As a woman on the grow, Beth is experiencing growth in several areas. She is very excited about the growth she is noticing in her personal life. In Beth’s words, “I’m finding that I’m walking through family situations with greater ease and grace. There is something different in my energy; I feel more engaged.”
When asked about a piece of good advice that she has received along her life journey that she continues to use today, Beth talked about not fighting things but rather being in the moment and being with the experience. For her, it is about leaning in and seeing what happens. She has found that this has led to a gentle stretching of her own boundaries.
So, the next time you see Beth at one of our events, you will know a little more about her. I hope you will feel comfortable introducing yourself to her as I know she’d love to meet you too!
Come meet other women like Beth at our next retreat, Be Brave, being held March 13th and 14th in Frederick Maryland. For details about our next retreat, click here.
Beth was interviewed for this blog by Laura Hall. Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 21, 2015 | Laura Hall
“Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” –Stephen R. Covey
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about the word “listen”, as it’s my One Word for 2015. The questions I’ve been asking myself are, “What does it mean to really listen?”, “How can I be a better listener?” and “What gets in the way of listening for me?”.
I believe the above quote, by Stephen Covey, speaks to what it means to really listen. It’s about going into the conversation with the intention of understanding what the other person is saying.
When I was in coach training I remember learning about the 3 levels of listening. Understanding these levels can be very useful when it comes to being a better listener.
Level 1 is subjective listening. When you are operating from level 1 listening the main thought in your mind is, “How does this relate to me?”. An example of level 1 listening may look something like this:
Speaker: “I had a really hard time falling asleep last night! I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I had to do this week.”
Listener: “I know, I hate when that happens to me! I end up so exhausted the next day that I’m not as effective as I could be.”
Level 2 is objective listening. At this level, the listener is completely focused on the speaker. They have turned down the volume on their own thoughts and are really trying to hear what the speaker is saying. An example of level 2 listening might be:
Speaker: “I had a really hard time falling asleep last night! I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I had to do this week.”
Listener: “I’m sorry that happened to you, what time did you finally get to sleep?”
Level 3 is intuitive listening. Here, the listener is paying attention not only to the actual words, but also noticing tone of voice, energy level, feelings, etc. In essence, the listener is also paying attention to what’s NOT being said. For example:
Speaker: “I had a really hard time falling asleep last night! I couldn’t stop thinking about all the things I had to do this week.”
Listener: “It sounds like you must have a lot going on! It also sounds like you may be feeling a little overwhelmed and stressed out. What were you able to do to finally get back to sleep?”
At the end of the level 3 example, the listener asked a question. This is a great way to be a better listener. Ask questions! It lets the speaker know you are fully engaged and are interested in what they are saying.
Good listeners also pay attention to body language – both their own as well as the person they are listening to.
Good listeners make eye contact, they nod occasionally, and every now and then add a “yes” or “right” to the conversation. They also watch the other person’s body language. They pay attention to the other person’s posture and facial expressions as both of these will give them clues about how the other person is feeling and what they are really trying to express.
Finally, people who are excellent listeners understand what gets in the way of them fully listening. I’ve come up with a list of things I know get in my way. These include:
- Multitasking – i.e. watching TV while I’m talking to someone on the phone, checking my texts while I’m talking to someone in person, or playing a game on my iPad while my child is trying to tell me something about their day
- Having more than one conversation going at a time – It used to be that if I was choosing a seat at a large table, I’d pick the middle spot so I could be involved in all of the conversations. What I’ve learned over time is that this no longer works for me. I now pick an end seat so there are less conversations going on around me and I can more fully focus on those closest to me.
- A subject I’m not interested in – This is a tricky one for me because I love to learn new things, but when a subject becomes boring to me or too complicated for me to understand (like maybe nuclear physics) I know I have a tendency to zone out.
- Physical discomfort – pain, hunger, being too hot or too cold, needing to go to the bathroom, being tired. All of these can get in the way of being the best listener I can be.
- Not being fully present – when I have a lot of my own stuff going on and my mind is racing, I have a hard time not letting my mind wander..
- Making assumptions – My mind likes to try to figure things out. I sometimes assume I know what the person is going to say next. I believe this gets in the way of me listening fully
When you know what gets in your way when it comes to listening, you know what to look out for. What would go on your list? I’d love it if you’d list them in the comments section below 🙂
If you want to be a better listener, I believe that just like everything, the more you practice, the better you get. Pay attention to what level you are operating out of, ask questions, be aware of body language, and be mindful of the things that could get in the way.
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Nov 21, 2014 | Gratitude, Laura Hall
“I always believed that one woman’s success can only help another woman’s success“~ Gloria Vanderbilt
Of all the events hosted by Wholistic Woman Retreats I think our Gratitude Dinner is one of my favorites! The evening feels laid back, warm, inviting, and fun. This is the only WWR event that is exclusively for members. Our members are the heart and soul of our community, and this evening is designed to show them how grateful we are for their presence and participation.
Be Grateful has a very simple design. We begin with appetizers and socializing. Then we gather around the tables for a delicious catered dinner. After a leisurely meal, when dessert and coffee have been served, we have an open time of sharing gratitude.
One by one, as they are ready, women express what they are grateful for and I feel my heart swelling with warmth, love and acceptance. Common themes of gratitude include being surrounded by a nurturing community of women, having a place free from judgment and competition to meet new people and develop personal and professional relationships, and being part of a group that is different from anything they’ve ever experienced before.
Our community is made up of a wide range of women. Some of us are in our 30s, some of us are in our 80s, and some of us are in between. Some of us work outside the home and some of us don’t. Some of us are parents and some of us aren’t. Some of us are Republicans, some of us are Democrats and some of us consider ourselves apolitical. I could go on and on about the myriad of ways that we are all different, but the truth is that none of that matters, because when this community gets together, all we see are the ways that we are similar, and that feels amazing!
Our community is unique…not because we have it all figured out, but rather because we know that we are all works-in-progress. We honor one another wherever we are on the journey. We understand the importance of self-care, and although we might struggle with it at times, we know there is no shame in brushing ourselves off and trying again. We practice kindness and compassion, both with ourselves and others. We celebrate each others’ successes. We know that TOGETHER WE ARE WHOLE.
So, to the members of Wholistic Woman Retreats…Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
You are the reason we do what we do. Your willingness to be real, to support one another and to come together as a community means more than you’ll ever know. We couldn’t do it without you!
To those of you who aren’t members yet, but feel drawn to this type of community, we hope that you will consider this your invitation to join us. The world needs more Wholistic women! We have many wonderful events planned for the coming year and we’d love to see you at some (or all) of them, including this year’s Gratitude Dinner on November 18th from 6-9 pm at ThorpeWood.
Become a member today by clicking here and then register for Be Grateful.
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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