by Carol deLaski | May 18, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Self-Care
The alarm went off this morning when I was in the middle of a vivid dream. Has that ever happened to you? Reaching out an arm to switch it off, I curled under the covers again and tried to keep it going. I wasn’t finished with it yet. I tried to resume what was happening when I was so rudely interrupted but it was hard to capture the exact images or feelings again. I was trying to force it and was unsuccessful. Instead I replayed the pleasant parts in my mind, filling my tank with the good feelings and releasing the unpleasant ones before arising and starting my day.
I find my waking dreams have a similar quality of elusiveness. As I create the work and life that I dream of, at times I fall into patterns of grasping for something just out of reach. I strive to make something happen and I can’t quite do it. I then feel overwhelmed and unsure of the next step, falling back into confusion once more.
In contrast, at other times I have moments of clarity when I know exactly what to do next in my unfolding vision for my personal or professional life. I can see what direction I want my business or life to go and I respond to that certainty by confidently taking the next step towards creating that reality.
Can you relate? Do you ever flounder or lose your way in creating the dream you have for your life or work? Do you dance forward, backwards, and sometimes in place, as you create your dreams? I have observed a few things about the dream dance; this ebb and flow of clarity and confusion. I find it helpful to use the Energy Leadership process to rebalance myself when I flounder or get stuck.
When I am lost in confusion I react in two ways. First I sink into my fear which is often tied to a perceived loss. For example, even in the midst of things going well I sometimes focus on what is missing. I zero in on the aspects of the situation that are not as I had imagined it would be and feel sadness, regret, and disappointment. I sink into level 1, victim thinking, as we call it in Energy Leadership, and am swallowed up in “poor me” emotions. In this place I have no energy and don’t want to do anything. I can get stuck here.
The next thing I do, however, moves me to level 2 energy, which we call ‘the fighter’. I struggle. This often begins as inner conflict when I strive mentally to figure it out and create an action plan whose purpose is solely to alleviate the heaviness I am feeling in that depressed level 1 state. Life often is not what I thought it would be, and I experience disappointment, but I can choose not to dwell on it. In level 2 I begin to leave that energy behind perhaps by shedding some tears, journaling, or venting out loud. Whatever way I do it I am releasing my level 1 energy to move forward and eventually that feels better.
I move into level 3 energy as I take responsibility for my part of the situation. Often this occurs by taking a small step towards forgiving what, or who, has disappointed me. Choosing to be grateful for what is going well helps me to accept what is not as I had hoped it would be.
I also notice that there is a Divine presence in all my dreams, whether waking or sleeping. When I turn my focus to what the Divine is providing, and guiding, I find a peace and assuredness unlike anything that I can create in my own mind. This is the ticket to moving well past the low levels of energy and towards higher functioning and greater happiness. As soon as I make the choice in my mind to focus on the Divine my energy shifts and I am dancing with a plan that is unfolding daily. As I release the need to know what is going to happen next, and trust that I am being led, I receive peace. This is not an easy dance but I continue to hone my skills at it.
Releasing the need to figure it out, and accepting that my role is simply to be in the dance with the Divine, I develop trust. I know that God leads me every day. I don’t have to see the whole picture or know the entire plan. I just have to show up and do today’s steps which I am being divinely led to do. On the days when I feel lost, confused, and disappointed, I may take only one step and that is okay. On the days I feel confidence and clarity I dance full out. The ebb and flow of these days makes for an interesting life as I choose to participate in this dance of creating my dream.
If you would like to learn more about the Energy Leadership process and how to use it to shift from confusion to confidence considerjoining my book tele-group on Wednesday evenings or contact me at 301-371-7460 or [email protected].
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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by Carol deLaski | May 9, 2012 | Family, Laura Hall
“Show me your friends, and I’ll show you your future” – Bill Cosby
As the mother of 2 teenage girls, I often find myself in the position of offering advice and words of wisdom. What I’ve noticed in the process of doing this, is that I too usually learn something when I revisit the lessons I’m trying to teach. The above quote from Bill Cosby is one of the life lessons I’m trying to instill in my girls. I believe that who we surround ourselves with has a profound affect on us, but I really didn’t get this until I hit my late 30’s, and if I’m really being honest with myself, I am continuing to learn this lesson.
Christine Arylo, author of “Choosing Me before We: The Everywoman’s Guide to Life and Love” and MAP contributor for Compass Life Coaching (www.mylifecompass.com/laurahall) is the inspiration behind this blog. In my work with her MAP (monthly action plan) titled “Create Fabulous Friendships”, I’ve continued to look at what it really means to choose conscious friendships – friendships that are part of my life by design, not just because we happen to have children in the same school or because we work together. What I’ve learned about myself is that I want to surround myself with friends who value personal growth, are not afraid to challenge me or to be challenged themselves and in general have an optimistic outlook on life. The other side of this work is that I’ve been looking at what kind of friend I’ve been being. What I’m realizing is that I take some of my friendships for granted, assuming that they will always be there for me no matter what. I understand that if I want to cultivate fabulous friendships, I need to be a fabulous friend. I need to make time to let my friends know how much I value them by making them a priority.
It has taken me 40+ years, but I have confident that anyone who looks at my friends will see that my future is bright. I am practicing what I preach when it comes to this life lesson.
How about you? Are your friendships healthy and supportive? Are they a 2-way street? Have you outgrown some of your relationships? How do you feel about letting them go? When people look at your friends, what kind of future will they predict for you?
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach who believes every woman deserves a coach. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com and click on the group coaching link at the bottom to learn how to access the Create Fabulous Friendships MAP to point yourself in the right direction.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 10, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Fear
I leave next Monday for two weeks in Israel. I have been planning this trip for almost a year and it seems somewhat surreal that it is finally here. I practice being both an observer and a participant in my life so amidst the busyness of finishing work and packing for the trip, I notice how I am feeling. It is a mixture of anticipation, hope, excitement, and to be honest, a bit of fear.
I ask myself what I am afraid of and find the answer lies in the unknown. I realize that when I travel I choose to open myself to new experiences and intentionally invite the unknown into my life. I prepare as best I can, studying maps, talking to those who have been there, and reading about my destination, but I can only absorb so much. I can’t fully prepare for the experience because there is always an element that is new and unexpected, and that is both unnerving and part of the thrill of traveling.
Most of my fear is actually awe. I know that when I seek God, I find Him. That is proven to me on a daily basis as I look for ‘God moments’; those experiences of grace and connection which assure me of a Divine presence guiding my life. Traveling to the Holy Land, and visiting ancient religious sites, I anticipate that I will know and experience God even more fully. After all, this is my ‘Big Seek’, something I have waited a lifetime to do. I anticipate that awe and wonder will be my traveling companions on this pilgrimage trip. I look forward to knowing God better, growing my knowledge and personal faith.
A more troubling aspect of my fear has to do with the unknown and the uncontrollable. As I get caught up in “what if” thinking I realize that I am fretting over things which I have no control over. Worries ranging from logistical ‘what if my luggage gets lost’ to political ‘what if the trouble in Syria affects us’ leave me anxious and off balance.
I have decided that fear is unavoidable; there is so much we cannot control. In the book, ‘What Women Fear – Walking in Faith that Transforms’, author Angie Smith describes living with fear as a balancing act. Letting go of the expectation of finding a solution to end fear, as well as the hope that we will never tremble again, we embrace the ebb and flow of that balancing act. She asks us to consider what we depend on when our balance begins to tip. Are there patterns in our thinking that throw us off balance and what is the kind of thinking that steadies us? Moving towards greater balance requires concentration, effort, and awareness on our part.
Becoming more aware of our fears can be fearful itself. Like me, if you think, “I’m afraid to know my fears better” be reassured that you are not alone. You can have companions on your journey to learning what restores balance when fear sends you tipping sideways. Together we will emerge as women who not only acknowledge fear but face it with inner resolve and resources. Balancing what we can do with trusting a Divine presence in the midst of fear steadies us and reduces those fears to a more manageable size.
I warmly invite you to explore this topic further with me in two ways.
My next Clarity Coaching Group will be reading and applying principles from Smith’s book “What Women Fear – Walking in Faith that Transforms” starting Thursday, April 12th from 7-8:30 pm. Join us for this 3 month series (meeting bi-monthly) to learn skills to balance your fears by leaning on an inner Divine connection. Click here for more details on this workshop or email [email protected].
And/or stay connected to me on my journey through Israel via my notes on Facebook to see what joys and insights this adventure will bring. Click Here To Follow My Journey.
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 5, 2012 | Health, Laura Hall, Self-Care
Of course we all know what food is, right? It’s what we eat or drink; it’s what we fuel our body with; it’s what we need to sustain life. When we feed our bodies healthy, nutritious food, our bodies work better. I believe the same is true for life. Our lives work better when we feed them properly. Our lives need soul food.
Soul food consists of the following 3 food groups: thoughts, actions, and environments. In each of these food groups we have the option to choose healthy “foods” that nourish our souls and contribute to our wellness, or to choose junk “foods” that drain us and often lead to illness. Undoubtedly, we are all unique individuals, so what constitutes the ideal soul food diet for me is going to be different from your ideal diet, therefore I encourage you to pay attention to your life and how what you feed it affects you. What leaves you feeling hungry and unsatisfied? What thoughts fuel your life and your passions? What do you do that excites you? What do you do that you dread? What are the situations you find yourself in where you lose track of time? What environments just seem to suck the life right out or you? Your answers to these questions will help you determine what is junk food to your soul as well as what contributes to your health.
One of my common junk food thoughts is that I’m not enough. This thought comes in a variety of flavors, such as, I’m not smart enough, I’m not qualified enough, or I’m not worthy enough, just to name a few. I know these are junk food thoughts because they leave me feeling drained and defeated, so I try to avoid them. On the other hand, some of my more nutritious thoughts are that life is happening for me, not to me; there are no such things as mistakes, only opportunities to learn and grow; and I am love personified. Moving my body, putting forgiveness into action, and volunteering are actions that sustain me, whereas standing in judgement of others, eating potato chips and shopping are actions that are exhausting to me. (This last one really confuses my 17 year old daughter who finds shopping exhilarating, but this just goes to show we all have different ideal diets.) And when it comes to environments, I’ve become a really picky eater. I no longer watch the news (my husband does that for me!), spend too much time in the company of people who only see the glass as half empty, or partake in any form of media where the overarching message is one of negativity. Instead, I’m choosing to feast on music with lyrics that make my heart sing; on surrounding myself with people who understand the value of taking care of themselves and being in service to others; and on books, movies and TV shows that make me think about how I can contribute to the world.
How are you feeding your soul? I’d love to hear your comments! I’d also like to invite you to my upcoming “Nourish Your Soul” workshop lunch series. For more information visit: http://nourishing-journey.com/Docs/HallCoachingbrochure.pdf
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach who believes every woman deserves a coach. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com.
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by Carol deLaski | Mar 21, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Family
Who are the people who have had the most positive impact on your life? If you’re like me you may not consider this question very often. Taking people for granted and forgetting to appreciate all that’s been given and modeled for us is common in our busy lives.
I recently had the opportunity to treasure the final days of my beloved Uncle Don. His struggling health began a final decline after he turned 80 last month and he entered into four weeks of hospice care. Fortunately our large extended family, and a few close friends, enjoyed a poignantly sweet birthday party with him in late January. Each of us had the opportunity to tell him what he meant to us, laugh with him, and treasure our lifelong loving relationships with him.
Now we’ve just completed a different celebration of his life as we embrace the transition he’s made to the next world. Even though I don’t know what that is exactly, I trust he’s well there. Released from a withered body, I believe his spirit lives on. I feel the love and essence of him in my heart and know that he’s only gone in the physical sense. In the days leading to his memorial service I reflected on his character and what he meant to me. I realized he is one of the people who have had a great impact on my life.
As I gazed at the hundreds of people who attended his memorial service I realized how many others were impacted by him as well. We shared many stories and memories reflecting on the achievements and legacy of Donald de Laski. One of my favorite reflections, by Alan Merten, president of George Mason University, summarized four distinct steps that he saw my uncle live by:
Think. Use your mind to consider what impact you want to have and create a solid plan.
Ask and Listen. Talk to people and listen deeply, using your heart and soul to discern the need. Then ask God (or your Angels, as my uncle would say) for guidance; listen and trust their nudges and your inner knowing.
Do. When clarity comes trust that knowing and act. Use your physical and material resources to be of service to others and create impact. Give generously of your resources to benefit those in need.
Celebrate. When all is said and done, be sure to treasure the impact and celebrate the achievement. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If you aren’t going to do the fourth, don’t bother with the other three!
Merten paraphrased a favorite quote by E.B. White to summarize my uncle’s living.
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to have a hell of a good time. This makes it hard to plan the day.
I believe the challenge is to achieve both. Having a positive impact on others and passionately enjoying the process is something I strive to achieve. I thank Uncle Don for the role model he’s been and feel inspired to follow in his footsteps. I take the challenge.
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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