Have you ever noticed how challenging it can be to speak up and say the hard thing?
I’ve learned a lot about that recently in surprising ways. I’ve been part of the Wholistic Woman Retreat (WWR) community since the beginning and recently became an Alliance Partner in January.
Over the years, I have learned about Energy Leadership, Strengths Finders, self-care and have attended multiple WWR overnight retreats studying Brené Brown’s work. Suffice it to say that I have a recipe box chock-full of ingredients to make a great life!
Like many women in mid-life, I’ve been dealing with a lot of change. Last year, while mourning the loss of my father, I turned 50, changed jobs twice in a line of work that I had never liked, started transforming my jewelry-making hobby into a legitimate business…all while taking care of an aging pet who has separation anxiety. Talk about a recipe for emotional meltdown!
When I left my last career, I took a few months to just chill and see what I was going to do with the rest of my life. During that time, I reached out to a friend who had coached me in the past and asked about getting more involved with Wholistic Woman Retreats. I had time on my hands and I needed to feel part of something bigger and better than myself. It worked out, in a very surreal way, that my skill set was just what WWR needed at that time. I was so happy to be accepted and become a partner to this thriving organization whose mission is to help women be their best.
The timing of my becoming a WWR Alliance Partner was a little wonky because it was mid-late January and the team was in full planning mode for the annual overnight retreat in March. No matter, I was willing and able to dive in and do whatever I needed to do to help make this retreat a great success.
Oh, one thing I forgot to mention is that I am a recovering perfectionist with trust issues. I don’t like to disappoint and hate to make mistakes because my experience with former work, family and friends was…let’s just say, not pleasant.
Time flew by and the week of the retreat came up in what felt like five minutes. My over-achiever kicked in and with my new responsibilities, I started to feel anxious that I wasn’t performing up to what I thought was expected of me. I was still trying to figure out my place in the group, learn and create new processes and procedures, and understand how to communicate with the other members. I wanted to serve in the best, and most genuine, way but I felt a little lost.
I showed up at the retreat site ready to work and to make everyone happy. I jumped in and helped whomever needed me and did whatever needed to be done. My perfectionist side showed up with me and as I went along, there were little things that I judged myself as not doing right. I also thought that others judged me as not being enough. With that thinking I quickly began a downward spiral – feeling defeated and inadequate.
When I got home from the retreat, I was physically and emotionally spent. I sat and thought about everything and re-read the programs to ponder what had happened. I seriously contemplated the feelings that I had and how I was going to act upon them. I waited until we had a follow-up call with the retreat team to hear their perceptions. Once I learned what the coaches were feeling and how they had to shift between roles at the retreat, I began to understand how that led me to feel lost and left to fend for myself. Despite that insight, I still felt guilty that I didn’t figure it out on my own and that I had somehow let the team down. Have I ever told you that I’d like to add mind-reader to my list of super powers?
Fortunately, I decided to immerse myself in the strategies that were taught during the retreat. I experienced valuable interactions, and identified action steps, during the retreat that I knew would be key in processing the challenges that I now faced. I wanted to address my feelings and frustrations in an appropriate, graceful, and authentic way. I also knew that to open myself up in this way would be very uncomfortable. I was scared and really just wanted to quit and walk away. That’s how I typically would have reacted in the past when faced with hard conversations. For me, walking away is a defense mechanism to avoid my emotional pain.
But this time I didn’t walk away. I voiced my concerns to Carol, the Founder/CEO of WWR, and was ready for what I thought would be a very negative and sad outcome. I was used to having a sweet and easy relationship with Carol and I thought it would surely end here. I had made mistakes, showed that I wasn’t perfect, and assumed that I was probably a huge disappointment to them all.
Instead, I was given even more grace than I expected, showered with love and concern, and was shaken to my core in a really good way. It was one of the healthiest, positive, and constructive conversations I have ever had with anyone. It was probably one of the few times in my life that I was able to be authentic, yet not feel bad or worried during and after the conversation. I felt that I was honored for who I was and what I wanted to accomplish.
It was a wonderful outcome to a hard conversation…and it doesn’t end there.
After experiencing such a positive result from that hard conversation I felt pretty good about myself (thank you very much) and decided I had one more in me that had been hanging around for over 30 years……
I explained to Andrew, the love of my life, that I wanted to get married.
He said yes.
So we were married on May 5th.
End of this story but the beginning of many more…
Today’s Author: Terry Drankiewicz is a long time member and new alliance partner of WWR. As she considers what her next career will be, Terry recently started a new business, RAW Designs LLC, designing and creating jewelry and small art pieces from repurposed and unique items. She lives in Keedysville with her husband Andrew, and her dog, Boo Boo Kitty. You can see her jewelry and art creations on Facebook at @rawdesignsllc and can reach her at 301-730-1186 or [email protected].