by Carol deLaski | Feb 13, 2014 | Family, Laura Hall
This is a picture of me and my cousin, Breanna, on my wedding day. Two days ago, on February 11, 2014, she was killed in a car accident. She was a passenger in a car which slid off a snow-covered road in North Carolina. My initial reaction was one of shock and denial. “No, not Breanna. She’s too young to die!” (She was 23 years old).
As the initial shock wore off, I found myself standing in my kitchen talking to Breanna. The words I found myself speaking to her were that I believe that she is still with us, just in different form, and if I could in anyway be a conduit for her that I promised to be open to receiving; whatever that would look like. I immediately got the message, “I am alright” and got an overwhelming feeling that Breanna was at peace.
I went to bed that night thinking about Breanna and wondering if I would dream about her. I had a restful night, but no visit from Breanna. As I got in the car the next morning the radio came on. It was set to one of my daughters stations and not one I usually listen to. Of course, Breanna was on my mind, and I started thinking about how in the last few months of her life she was using music to express herself. What she would do is post songs, along with the Youtube video, on Facebook. Songs that represented her thoughts, feelings, and emotions. With that thought in mind I decided to stay on that channel and just be open. As I drove, I noticed that I wasn’t paying particular attention to what was playing until all of a sudden a song came on and there was a feeling of , THIS IS IT, and I knew that this was something Breanna wanted me to share for her. So, in Breanna style, here it is:
[yframe url=’http://home/wholisu6/dev.wholisticwomanretreats.com.youtube.com/watch?v=9tXzlVjU1xs’]
When I saw that this song was by a band named, Alternate Routes, I thought, “Of course it is!”. You see, my cousin definitely took alternate routes in her life. She had been through a lot in her 23 years. Without getting into the details, suffice it to say that it was music to my ears when I talked to my aunt last week and she said to me, “Laura, Breanna is doing great!”. I knew that she was because we had been speaking via email and Facebook messaging. I knew that she was awakening to understanding that she was love and deserved to be treated by herself and others as valuable.
As the lyrics say,
To be humble, to be kind.
It is the giving of the peace in your mind.
To a stranger, To a friend
To give in such a way that has no end.
We are Love
We are One
We are how we treat each other when the day is done.
We are Peace
We are War
We are how we treat each other and Nothing More
To be bold, to be brave.
It is the thinking that the heart can still be saved
And the darkness can come quick
The Danger’s in the Anger and the hanging on to it.
Tell me what it is that you see
A world that’s filled with endless possibilities?
Heroes don’t look they used to, they look like you do.
This is Breanna’s message from heaven! Pay attention to how you are treating those around you. We are not separate from one another. You are the hero in your own life! Now go out there and save some hearts, including your own.
Thanks Breanna!
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 10, 2014 | Laura Hall
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”-Lewis Carroll
We are now about half way through the first month of 2014. I’m curious, have you thought about what you would like your life you look like in 2014? Do you know what direction you are headed in this year?
As a life coach, I believe it’s important to know where you want to go, because as the quote above reminds us, if you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.
But, how do you know where you want to go? Often in my life, I feel confused about where I want to go. My life sometimes feels like a giant vacation to Disneyworld and I can’t decide if I want to start at the Magic Kingdom or Animal Kingdom. So let’s say I choose Magic Kingdom, then that opens up more options…Where do we want to eat? Cinderella’s Royal Table?…The Crystal Palace?…Liberty Square Market?…The chioces can feel endless. Next comes the decision about what rides to ride. Do we want to start Space Mountain or It’s a Small World? Dumbo or the Tea Cups? Hopefully by now you get the point. Knowing where we want to go in life can frequently feel overwhelming and confusing.
So, to clear things up a little, I’d like to offer you 3 helpful steps you can use to design a 2014 of your choosing.
- Look back – For this step, I actually pull out my calendar as well as the pictures that I took over the last year. While I’m looking at where I’ve been, I am asking myself the questions:
- What worked for me last year that I want to carry with me into the coming year?
- What didn’t work that I want to let go of?
- What achievement and/or milestones did I reach?
- What goals did I set for myself that I didn’t reach?
- Look forward – I remember reading Stephen Covey’s “7 Habits of Highly Effective People” many years ago, and the habit I use during this step is: Begin with the end in mind. I imagine myself during the first week of January a year from now and ask myself the following questions:
- What needs to happen this year in order for me to feel like I’ve had a successful year?
- Who do I want to be by the end of 2014? What character traits are important for me to develop or nurture?
- What changes do I want to make?
- Get into action – this step is about getting my ideas off paper and into the real world. This is where I set goals, tell my friends and family about what I hope to do in 2014 and who I hope to be, so they can help hold me accountable. I also pull out my calendar and start scheduling the things that are going to help steer me in the right direction.
As a recovering perfectionist, I find it necessary to remind myself that it’s about progress, not perfection. The value of setting goals and looking toward the future is in using it as a guiding star, not necessarily always reaching that destination. Life has been known to knock me off my planned path a time or two and what I’ve noticed is that 9 times out of 10 it was a course correction in a direction that was actually better for me! I do trust that my life is divinely guided! And even more important than what I am doing and how many things I am accomplishing, is who I am being in the process.
If you’d like to map out a plan for your 2014, I invite you to join me at Wholistic Woman Retreats first “retreat” of 2014. Our theme for the year is “Be Serene in 2014” and our first event is an evening workshop at Holly Hills Country Club in Ijamsville,MD on January 22nd titled, “Creating Your Vision for 2014”. For details click here! Don’t delay as the registration deadline is just a few days away on January 15th! Hope to see you there, and here’s to a serene 2014!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Dec 11, 2013 | Laura Hall
“Go 24 hours without complaining. (Not even once.) Then watch how your life starts changing”
I saw this on Facebook the other day and it really struck a chord with me. You see, I believe that complaining has become a habit for many of us, and Iike most habits I think that it is probably easier to see complaining in other people than in ourselves.
Elizabeth Scott, MS writes in her article titled, “Why Do We Complain? And When Should We Stop?”, that there are several reasons why we are prone to complaining. One reason is the need to vent. When I think of venting, I think of the bottle of seltzer water I drink on a regular basis. When I unscrew the cap, there is an immediate release of pressure and then it is over. (Unless the bottle gets shaken up again) If you are venting, that’s great and will feel an immediate sense of relief, but if you are just complaining to complain, that’s a bad habit and I think for most of us, its a habit to complain.
According to Elizabeth, another reason we complain is because validation feels good. We all want to feel normal, and it feels good to hear someone else say, “Yeah, I know, I’d be upset too if that happened to me”.
She goes on to list several more reasons why we complain, including that complaining to others opens us up to solutions from others and may give us another perspective, and that complaining gets things done (I’m personally thinking about my husband here and how that can be true about when I complain about things like the trash needing to be taken out).
So while we may have good reasons for why we complain, the question I’ve been asking myself is, “What’s the cost of complaining?”. And that brings me back to the challenge posted on FB. One way we can find out the cost of something is to stop doing it and see what comes to us as a result. 24 hours without complaining…Since I’m generally a positive person and I don’t think I complain much to begin with, 24 hours seems relatively easy for me. I’m going to try a week without complaining. Today is Wednesday December 11th, 2013 and I am committing to myself, with you all as my witnesses, to go 1 week without complaining. So if you run into me in the next week and you hear me complaining, please remind me of my commitment. I’d love to have some company on this journey into non-complainingdom (yes, I made up that word). Who wants to join me? How long would you like to try not complaining? Let’s see how our lives will change 🙂 Maybe we will start a trend!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Oct 30, 2013 | Laura Hall
Do you ever feel like you are holding yourself back? I know I do! One of the areas I hold myself back in is in my blog writing. I hold myself back with my perfectionism tendencies. Every time I sit down to blog, I put pressure on myself to make it be something inspiring, thought provoking, Wholistic Woman worthy….but what is that really? What would it be like if I gave myself permission for my blog to be less than perfect?
I recently started an eCourse on the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Bréne Brown. My first assignment with the course was a creative journaling exercise around permission. The question posed was, “What kind of permission do you need to give yourself to do the work required for wholehearted living?”. The assignment was to design a permission slip which answered this question. Here is what I came up with:
In this exercise I gave my self permission to:
- Make mistakes
- Embarrass myself
- Start over – moment by moment
- Be “Self” centered
- Play by my own rules
- Teach AND learn
- Unfold
- Get rid of what is no longer serving me
- Not know the answers
- Be inspired by others
- Experiment
- Ask for help
- Grow where I’m planted
- Be a work in progress
I’ve been living this week with this permission slip metaphorically in my back pocket. What I’ve noticed is that I’m more willing to take risks. I’ve been reaching out to people whom I’ve wanted to have difficult conversations with but was afraid to. I’ve allowed myself to cry in front of a group where normally I would have tried to hold it all together. I’ve been a better listener. I’ve been kinder to myself, and I’ve experienced more peace. And, my blog was easier to write 🙂
So, my question to you is, what do you need to give yourself permission for? Don’t filter your answer. What’s the first thing that pops in you head? Please leave your answer in the comment section.
Now, I challenge you to put it on paper in some way. It could be as simple as writing your permissions on a piece of paper, or you may want to get more creative. Either way, take the time this week to practice allowing that in your life and just notice what changes. Go have fun with this, you have my permission!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Sep 20, 2013 | Business, Family, Laura Hall
Do you think its possible to live your life without expectations?
For me, the answer is not yet. I’m not spiritually evolved enough. I haven’t learned how to fully live in the present.
My observation is that expectations come from past experiences and are related to how we believe or want something to turn out in the future. They get in the way of being fully present in the now.
As a life coach, I work a lot with people on managing expectations. Unrealistic expectations set us up for disappointment. This is true on so many levels. From little thing like when I was playing golf yesterday and I expected that I could make the 4 foot putt, and I didn’t, to bigger things like how I expect my children to dress and behave now that they are teenagers. I encourage you to start observing how expectations show up in your life, both at work and at home, and how they may be causing you unnecessary frustration. How often do you expect something to turn out a certain way, and when it doesn’t you get upset. As Byron Katie says, “If you argue against reality, you will suffer”. How would your life change if you started practicing accepting reality instead of arguing against it?
Accepting it is not the same as liking it. Accepting it is about neutralizing your feelings about it. I believe this puts us in a better space to choose what our next step is. We are responsible for our own lives. We have response-ablility. We choose how we respond when our expectations and reality don’t line up, and what I know to be true is that when we are coming from a place of frustration, anger, intolerance or any other angst filled emotion, we are reacting and not responding. I don’t know about you, but I always feel better when I respond versus react.
I am undoubtedly a work in progress when it comes to practicing this. I catch myself needing to manage my expectations on a daily basis. Being aware of the impact of my expectations has opened me up to seeing reality more clearly. And, as reality becomes clear so do my choices of how to respond.
I encourage you to experiment with this yourself. The next time you are frustrated, mad, or just otherwise irritated, take a look at how your expectations and reality are not lining up. I’d love to hear your thoughts on expectations vs reality and how it is showing up in your life!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Aug 21, 2013 | Business, Laura Hall, Personal Development, Professional Development
OK, I have a confession to make…I am a self-help/personal growth and development book junkie. I love books that help me understand how human relationships work, why people do the things they do, and how we can improve ourselves. I gained some insight into this tendency a couple months ago when I took the StrengthsFinder assessment and “learner” showed up in my top 5 strengths. When it come to fiction vs non-fiction, non-fiction wins my vote 9 times out of 10. I watch TV for pleasure and entertainment. I read to learn! (This drives some of the people in my book club crazy, but that’s OK.)
I believe that self awareness is the key to happiness. I strive, everyday, to learn something new about myself. I know that I am a work in progress. I don’t ever want to be “done”. I believe that there is no upper limit on happiness or self awareness. I am compelled to keep pushing the evolving edge of these, and I have chosen to surround myself with people who share this passion for wanting more of both. Chances are, if you are taking the time to read this, that you too want to know yourself better.
As one of the life coaches of Wholistic Woman Retreats, I’ve been busy preparing for our upcoming fall event titled, “Heart Centered Leadership, An Invitation to Lead from the Inside Out” which is a half day retreat being held on September 27th, 2013 in Buckeystown, Maryland. The retreat is based on the 7 principles of Heart-Centered Leadership as described in the book with the same title. And, as I’ve now confessed to one of my addictions, you’ve probably made the assumption that I am reading the book as part of my preparation, and guess what, you are right!
The opening lines of this book read, “At this very moment – while writing this book – we know we are a work in progress. As much as we will share our personal and professional experiences, we don’t have all the answers. We are learning every day about the power of leadership, the power of people, and the power of connecting with people.” OK, I’m hooked! But wait, it gets better…! Guess what principle #1 is titled! Know Thyself!
Several years ago I wouldn’t have given a book like this a second glance. Why you ask? The simple answer is because I didn’t see myself as a leader. I had a very narrow definition of that word. I thought leaders were only found in business. I thought that to be a leader you needed to be the head of your company, or leading a management team or something like that. But because I was doing my own work, and learning new things about myself on a regular basis, I came to realize that we are all leaders. The question is not, are you a leader, but rather, where and how do you lead?
Are you a CEO of a company? Are you a parent? Are you the owner of a business? Are you a volunteer in an organization? Are you an employee in a company? Are you a student? Are you someone’s friend? Are you alive? OK, you get it right, the list could go on and on. But here’s the deal, if you answered yes to any of these questions, (if you answered “no” to the last question, then we have a problem) then guess what, you are a leader! And, like I said earlier, if you are taking the time to read this blog then I know that, like me, you too believe that you are a work in progress and there is always more to know about yourself.
With that said, I’d like to invite you to join me and 39 other women for a day of self inquiry and growth at the Wholistic Woman’s fall retreat. Aren’t you curious about what the 6 other principles are?
If you’ve been to one of our retreats in the past, you know that it will be a day for rejuvenation, fun, connection and learning. You will make new friends and reconnect with others. If you haven’t been before, well then you are in for a real treat! You can sign up today by clicking here. Don’t delay as space is limited. Hope to see you there! For more information, visit us at www.wholisticwomanretreats.com.
Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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