by Carol deLaski | Jul 17, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Laura Hall, Success
Yes, that’s me! I did it! On July 6th, 2013 I went skydiving for the first time and the experience was everything I wanted it to be and more. If you read my last blog, “The Thing You Fear the Most“, you know that I took a lot of baby steps to get to this place. It feels a little surreal to have this experience behind me. I’m excited to report that everything went almost exactly as I had visualized it would. I had a beautiful day, a competent tandem instructor, and I was actually present for the experience. I enjoyed it! (As you may be able to tell from the smile on my face.) Knowing what you want is so important in life. You will never hit a target you don’t aim for. I definitely hit my target with this experience. The coolest thing I saw was a circular rainbow in one of the clouds. I looked this up on the internet and learned that they are very rare and have a special name. They are called a “glory”. There is no doubt in my mind that this was a sign from God. When I saw the glory I had an overwhelming sense of peace and just knew I was going to be OK. Click here to see a picture that is similar to what I saw. It was beautiful!
People keep asking me how it was and the simplest answer is, “Amazing!”. I’m finding it hard to put the experience in to words. I think that’s because it really wasn’t about the physical act of jumping out of a plane for me, but rather it was about turning and facing a fear rather than running from it. It was about rewriting a rule in the rule book of my life.
You see, I spent a good portion of my life avoiding a lot of the things that scared me. One of the the rules in Laura’s little book of life rules was, “If it scares you, figure out a way to avoid it!”. What, you never heard of that book!?! Hmm…well whether you know it or not, you too have a rule book that you operate out of. Some of the rules really work for you and make life more peaceful, happy and full, while other rules can get in your way and keep you from living the life you want to live. I encourage you to think about this rule book idea for yourself? Do you know your rules? Which ones are supporting you, and which ones are holding you back? How do you feel about rewriting the ones that are no longer serving you?
When I decided that I wanted to rewrite my rule around the things that scare me, I started thinking a lot about the word FEARLESS. What does it take to be fearless? The dictionary defined fearless as, “without fear, brave”. I figured I could practice being brave, but I wasn’t sure how to be without fear. I decided that breaking down the word made sense to me. I could work on being fearless by fearing less. My new rewritten rule became, “Feel the fear, but do it anyway.”. What I found was that the more I did something the less scary it became; I feared it less. When I felt anxious or scared by something, instead of running from it, I looked at it as an opportunity to practice my new rule, feel the fear, but do it anyway. I was making the choice to see things that made me uncomfortable as an opportunity, rather that something to be avoided. It wasn’t easy, and there were many times I was tempted by the old rule, but I was determined. I saw skydiving as a very physical symbol. Fear made me feel like a bird tethered to the ground. There were things I wanted to do, but I was afraid. I wanted the freedom to fly untethered. Skydiving, because it was something that at one point I thought I couldn’t do because of fear, represented freedom. It way my way to soar. I’ve found in the last week, whenever something starts to scare me, all I have to do is remind myself that I jumped out of a plane, and actually enjoyed it and look forward to doing it again. With this big fear behind me, it puts everything else in perspective. I am basking in the freedom of believing that I can do anything I put my mind to.
Skydiving was a major fear of mine and was the thing I just knew intuitively I needed to conquer to prove to my self that I could fear-less. What is your thing? What are you avoiding that you know, deep down, you really want to turn and face. What’s your plane? What are you ready to jump from? Where are you ready to soar? Let’s break the chains of fear and really fly! I know you can do it!
Today’s author: Laura Hall is an iPEC certified life coach whose business, Hall Coaching, was established in 2009 with the vision of waking women up from the nightmares of “How did I get here?” and, “Is this as good as it gets?”, so that they can begin creating and living the life of their real dreams, hopes and desires. She offers both one on one as well as group coaching services. She can be reached at [email protected] or check out her website at www.hallcoaching.com
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by Carol deLaski | Jul 10, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Fear, Personal Development, Success
Courage. What does this word mean to you? Does it mean stepping out of your comfort zone and trying something new? Is it what you use when facing an unexpected diagnosis, change in employment, or loss of your home? Different situations require different degrees and forms of courage. The courage that it takes to face physical challenges can be dissimilar to the courage that it takes to confront social or emotional situations. Additionally, situations that may require me to be courageous may be something that you find easy to do. We are all unique, and yet we have a common resource we draw on when facing life’s challenges; and that is courage. This shared ability can also be referred to as pure guts. It is the unique way that we each choose to face fear.
I have seen powerful examples of courage in the past few weeks.
A dear friend of mine recently lost her entire home in the Colorado forest fires. Despite experiencing a devastating loss of property, she has chosen to be grateful for her family’s safety and for the overwhelming support of her community. Courage can be choosing to fill your heart with gratitude instead of bitterness in the midst of great loss.
After an eight year remission, a diagnosis of the return of cancer has sent a family close to me into a fearful tailspin. Worrisome thoughts of what if tempt them towards despair, yet I see them choosing to be mad at cancer instead. That anger can fuel them to fight this disease together. Courage can be choosing to fight the good fight instead of giving up hope.
The recent death of a young mother who passed away while giving birth stunned her family and cast ripples of grief throughout my faith community. Such a devastating loss seemed incomprehensible, and many wondered how her husband, young son, and newborn daughter, as well has the rest of her extended family and friends, would manage without her. I witnessed powerful courage at her funeral as the family leaned on their faith in this desperate time. Courage can be choosing to use a deep source of strength found in spiritual beliefs; allowing us to hang onto the lifeline those beliefs can provide when overwhelming grief threatens to sweep us away.
These examples of great acts of courage inspire and reassure me. None of us knows what life will bring our way, and it’s tempting to worry what will be around the next bend. I find hope in the realization that we have a choice in how we respond to whatever comes our way. Choosing to be courageous may not necessarily be a conscious choice. It may, instead, be a gut response that occurs in the moment. Whether we are aware of it or not, courage gets us through the circumstances that challenge us.
Courage is not just for the tragic or dramatic moments in our lives.
It is a choice that we make every day when we step out of our comfort zone and try something new. Courage is necessary in order to make subtle changes in our thinking and in our behaviors. Change, by its very nature, is uncomfortable. In order to create new situations or behaviors we have to go through the discomfort, and sometimes fear, of change before we can arrive in a new place. Knowing and expecting that the process is going to be uncomfortable helps us to stick with it, and not retreat to familiar habits that we want to let go of. In addition to a time of discomfort, change can also bring a sense of loss. Even when we desire what is new, we can still grieve the passing away of what has been. Changing relationships challenge us to be courageous.
Another subtle need for courage arises when we need to ask for help. We make ourselves vulnerable when we admit we need assistance from others. I experienced this recently as I asked several respected authors and educators to review my manuscript in order to provide testimonials for the book cover. One of them shared with me his hope that my story would inspire him to write about his transformative life moments. I’m glad I found the courage to share the manuscript, which in turn allowed it to become a gift to others.
Where are you choosing courage in your life? Are you using it to step out of your comfort zone and trying something new, or are you relying on it to face dramatically changing circumstances?
It has been said that courage is fear that has said its prayers and decided to go forward anyway.
May you be inspired by the courage you witness and choose today.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski is a personal and professional development coach, speaker and soon to be published author. To contact her: email [email protected]. She is also a founder of the Wholistic Woman Retreats community which offers enriching, supportive and fun opportunities for women on-the-grow. You are warmly invited to step out of your comfort zone with this supportive community at their annual zip line retreat on 7/23. Click here to learn more about Zip, Swing & Soar
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 27, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Personal Development, Sandie Lynch, Success
Research on the behavior of change or taking action show that fear is a stronger motivator than the sense of accomplishment. Now don’t get me wrong there are individuals who are strongly motivated by achievement of goals and take action readily with no or little fear of failure. If you are like most; me included; as the research states, when fear stands in the way of our intentions or desires, we resist moving forward and sometimes even give up on the very idea of doing the things we desire most. This is the old “fight or flight” syndrome we were designed with to protect us from wild animals and threats to our life. It seems the determining factor is how BIG is our FEAR and what direction we run! Does it move us toward or away from our goals or desires? Do we need to have a BIG bear chasing us to get us moving toward our goals?
To give an example; As a Registered Dietitian, I have observed in my years of practice, individuals who are frequently educated on the benefits of living a healthy lifestyle for years with little change in behavior. The lack of change typically is due to the change seeming too complicated and may have caused tension within their relationships; thus, the fear of failure or rejection appearing very BIG. Once these same individuals were faced with an acute illness or disease as a consequence of their unhealthy lifestyle, behavior change occurred immediately for fear of the BIG realistic possibility of permanent debilitation or death. So is fear a bad thing? Not necessarily, but when perceived BIGGER than it really is, it can get in our way of living our best life! I love this acronym of FEAR: False Events Appearing Real.
So is there anything we can do when our fear is keeping us stuck from doing the very thing we want or desire; is the fear BIG enough to keep us from moving forward but not BIG enough to motivate the action we want? It seems when no fear or little fear exists in the face of our desires, action is effortless; such as going on vacation, or dinner with friends. How can we STOP FEAR or shrink it from appearing too BIG and standing in our way?
From my own experience, when I focused on the situation I wanted to change it seemed my fear grew BIGGER and my action was paralyzed. As I look back it seems my biggest successes of change happened when I stopped focusing on the situation and/or behaviors that needed changed and instead turned my focus to the One leading me to change. The One leading me was much BIGGER than the situation and the associated fears. The One leading me is God, for I trust He wants for me a good life. As I changed my focus to God, the fears became smaller and sometimes non-existent for I knew God was BIGGER than any situation or fear and promised to lead me to a fuller, better life in this one and the next (Jeremiah 29:11)!
Here are just a few situations from my own experiences where changing my focus made all the difference in what or who was BIGGER; Fear or God.
First, when I finally stopped focusing on how much of a failure I was in eating right and exercising consistently to maintain a healthy weight, and turned my focus on the amazing vessel: the body, God created and wanted to reveal the beauty He created within me, did my choices change and make living a healthy lifestyle effortless and even joyful!
Second, when I finally moved my focus from the fear of rejection from women due to the past hurt from childhood and focused on God’s desire for fellowship to glorify Him, did I find myself encircled by genuine friends that I can trust and truly believe they fully accept and love me in all my quirkiness! The Wholistic Woman Community is a great example of how this circle of friends and acquaintances of genuine acceptance continues to grow. (If the feeling of genuine acceptance is something you want in your life, come join the community!)
And third, it was not until I moved my focus from how BIG and hard growing my ATP business was, believing I was not enough to do it one my own, and focused instead on God, that if ATP was His will for my life, He would grow it and equip me with the help I needed did I see the number of clients increase and I found my passion renewed in serving those who come.
Who is BIGGER in your situations? I encourage you to change your FOCUS and see the reality; that fear is really SMALL next to a BIG GOD!
“Be strong and of good courage, do not fear or be afraid of them; for the Lord your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”
~ Deuteronomy 31:6
I invite you to join the Wholistic Women Community for our Zip, Swing, and Soar Event on July 23rd. It will be a fun filled, “Courage” challenging event as we discuss and actually face our fears. Come and be inspired to shrink fear not only as we Zip, Swing, and Soar through the air, but gain strategies to create BIG Courage a reality in any situation. Click here for more information and to register. Hope to see you there!
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 13, 2013 | Confidence, Fear, Laura Hall, Personal Development, Success
Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain. – Mark Twain
Today I’d like to make a public declaration that on July 6th, 2013 I will do something that at one point in my life I thought I couldn’t do. I am going skydiving.
It’s amazing to me how just writing that, I can feel my heart rate increasing. Our fears certainly can have interesting affects on us. What’s up with this physical response? I’m not actually skydiving right now, I’m just thinking about it. Any fear I’m having right now is entirely in my imagination. Our minds certainly are powerful things.
When I went through coach training in 2008, I was encouraged to write a new rule book for my life. At that time I was riddled with anxiety related issues, but I was determined to stop letting fear hold me back. My new rule became, “feel the fear, but do it anyway”. As I prepare myself for my upcoming jump, I find myself repeating this rule often.
As I coach, I also believe in baby steps. Here are the baby steps I’ve taken since deciding that this was a fear I wanted to face. First, I put a picture of a girl skydiving on my vision board which hangs in my bathroom. I look at this on a daily basis and imagine what it’s going to be like to feel the wind in my hair and see the ground below rushing up to greet me. Second, I went to a vertical wind tunnel where I experienced what it feels like to have the wind pushing against me. Third, I’ve been visualizing the ideal skydiving experience (this was suggested to me by my own coach). I picture myself on the ground feeling euphoric, having just had the most amazing jump. And as I am writing this, I am on hold waiting to schedule my reservation. I am going to do this!!!!
How about you? What fear are you ready to face?
Did you know that on July 23rd Wholistic Woman Retreats is hosting Zip, Swing and Soar? What is this you ask? It’s an evening at Upward Enterprises where with the assistance of the Wholistic Woman Retreat coaches you will have the opportunity to try ziplining and the giant swing. For those of you that participated in this with us last year, you know how much fun the ziplining was. We’ve added the swing as another optional opportunity to step outside your comfort zone. Click here to see what the giant swing is all about. If this sounds like something you are interested in then please sign up to join us for your treetop adventure followed by dinner at the Buckeystown Pub. Click here for details.
I hope to see you there, and don’t forget to ask me about my skydiving experience!
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by Carol deLaski | Jun 5, 2013 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Personal Development, Professional Development, Success
These Boots Are Made for Walking….and that’s just what they’ll do…one of these days these boots are going to walk all over blue.
While strolling through life in my cowgirl boots this past month, many people have considerately asked me about my head and how my recovery from the concussion is going (which I had written about in the recent blog of Trading Ski Boots for Cowgirl Boots). I have been touched by everyone’s concern and wish I could say that I’m fully recovered, just as a toddler will say “all better”, and run back into play after receiving a hug and a kiss. I wish I could do the same. “Not yet, but I’m working on it”, has been my answer.
There are many who struggle with significantly worse injuries and illnesses than mine and my heart goes out to them. It helps me, however, to gain perspective when I see the how others are handling their struggles. It also encourages me to look for the lessons in this experience of healing from a head injury. I notice how my thinking flows up and down, which causes my emotions and energy to do the same.
I have level one thoughts of fear and anxiety. What if I don’t fully recover? What if I never feel completely better? These thoughts swirl on the outskirts of my consciousness like birds circling above my head. I don’t let them land for long; shooing them away because their presence makes me sink into a blue despair.
Instead I move to level two and struggle with thoughts of frustration and impatience; I can’t believe I’m still not 100%. When am I ever going to be over this?! I experience inner conflict when my head and heart want to pursue normal activities and my body is not cooperating. Headaches and fatigue demand that I stop what I want to do, and instead do what I must do to manage my recovery.
Wanting relief from the struggle I seek level three by asking myself what I can do to take responsibility in this situation. Each day I find that I must balance my commitments to others with my commitment to my own self care. Taking more frequent breaks, even for a short time, makes a difference to my overall well being throughout the day. I walk away from the computer so I can rest my eyes by either closing them or by gazing out the window to take in the beauty I see outdoors. Recognizing that my head is heavy, I find a comfortable position to rest it and take the pressure of its 5-6 pounds off of my neck for awhile. These small gifts that I give to myself throughout the day may seem simple, yet they are exactly what I need to do in order to continue caring for my healing head. I feel empowered in a situation that is beyond my control when I take steps to be responsible for my own care. As long as I remember to take compassionate care of myself, I effectively leave my despair and frustration behind.
Heart healings are featured in my upcoming book, Lost and Found…One woman’s story of finding and keeping faith. I find it interesting that I now have the opportunity to learn about head healing. What I have discovered is that healing takes time. It can be slow and requires a great deal of patience. The pace is easier to endure, however, when I look at it as an opportunity to grow, and these thoughts then shift me to a level five energy. With curiosity I ask myself, what can I learn from this today? I often forget to ask this powerful question. When I don’t, I’m much more likely to remain in level two struggling energy, or grab a hold of a level one thought of fear that swirls above me. But when I apply conscious effort to focus on the opportunities that lie within my difficulties, I raise my spirit, enthusiasm, and overall energy. And that lift, in itself, is worth the effort.
My cowgirl boots which I bought during a level 5 retail therapy outing when I could no longer wear my skiing boots after my concussion are a good reminder to walk all over the level one energy of feeling blue.
Today’s author: Carol deLaski Hayes is a Certified Leadership Coach. You can reach Carol at www.ReadyForInsight.com or at 301-371-7460.
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