What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do I know when I have enough… When I am enough?
As I prepare for September’s Wholistic Woman Retreats ‘Be Enough’ event, I’ve been thinking a lot about these questions. Here is what I’ve come up with so far…
Enough is really difficult for me to define and I’m not sure I know what enough really looks like.
I think this comes from growing up middle class in the United States where somewhere along the way I learned enough isn’t enough. Without realizing it, I bought into the idea that, for the most part, more is better.
This ‘never enough’ attitude spilled over into my thoughts about myself too and led me to spend a good deal of my first 30+ years of life pleasing, performing and perfecting. There was always more to do, more to be and more to have. And, like many of us, I thought my value and my worthiness was connected to doing more, being more and having more. This was exhausting!!!
What is enough? I think the answer to this question is probably different for everyone. For me, enough is not a quantity but rather a feeling of contentment that is free of fear.
Who gets to define it? We each get to define it for ourselves.
How do I know when I have enough? Sometimes I feel a little bit like Goldilocks in this area. First something is too big…then it is too small…then it is just right. For me it is often about finding the edges of too much and not enough and realizing that neither extreme brings me contentment that is free of fear and then settling in between those two edges.
I recently read the book, “The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up” by Marie Kondo and her idea of physically holding something that you own and asking the question, “Does this bring me joy?” has been very helpful in helping me find the balance of enough when it comes to things.
Intangibles are another story! Is there something as enough joy…enough love…enough peace? Is it selfish of me to want to believe that there is no limit or edge to things like this? Can you have enough of something, yet still want more? I do think I have enough of these things in my life. If you know me personally, then you know I am happy and content with where I am in life right now. However, that doesn’t stop me from wanting more. Maybe I am a joy, love and peace junkie, but I’m OK with that!
How do I know when I am enough? If you ever spend time observing 2-3 year olds, you know that they inherently know they are enough. They don’t worry about what other people think about them. I’m sure when I was that age I too knew I was enough. I didn’t worry about if I was doing things perfectly or how my crayon drawings compared to those of my peers. I just did my thing without worrying what other people thought. Unfortunately, life stepped in and again, somewhere along the line slowly and gradually I began to question my self worth. This process happened so slowly, I didn’t even notice it happening.
In 2010 I stumbled upon a TED talk give by Dr. Brené Brown (Click here to watch) and watching this 20 minute presentation changed my life! I look back now and realize that watching this video was the first step in my journey toward returning to that place I came from before the world taught me to question my “enoughness”.
In the introduction of her book, “The Gifts of Imperfection”, Brené writes…”Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It’s going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging”. I LOVE THIS!!!!
I am definitely a work in progress here. I am on my way back to really knowing I am enough but some days are definitely better than others. Breaking old habits of pleasing, performing and perfecting takes focus and determination, and if I’m not mindful, I can easily slip back into these old patterns. As a student of A Course in Miracles, I believe that every day, every moment I have the choice to listen to one of two voices…One voice speaks of fear and the other voice speaks of love. I know I am enough when I remember to listen to the voice that speaks of love.
Now it’s your turn! What is enough? Who gets to define it? And, how do you know when you have enough… When you are enough? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this!
On September 28th I will be leading a workshop on this topic. I hope you’ll consider joining me! Click here for details and registration information.
Today’s author: Laura Hall, CPC, CDWF: As a certified professional coach since 2009, Laura Hall, Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator has been helping people just like you make changes in. As a mother of 2 girls, Laura has a special interest in coaching parents, so if you still have children living at home, ask Laura about her Wholehearted Parenting programs. Laura can be reached via email at [email protected] or feel free to visit her website HallCoaching.com