Have you ever heard it said that our greatest strengths can also be our greatest weaknesses?
What does that really mean? Well, to me, it means that we don’t necessarily know how to use our natural talents effectively. Without sufficient boundaries around our talents, we can easily face problematic situations simply because we’re overdoing something. Too much of a good thing can end up being be a bad thing.
In my work as a strengths coach I enjoy helping people identify and manage their natural talents. We begin by learning what the individual’s strengths are and then explore how to effectively use those strengths to consistently produce the desired results at work, and in life overall.
I’ll give you an example from my own life.
My top five strengths (according to Gallup’s Strengths Finder assessment) are Empathy, Strategic, Positivity, Developer, and Woo (which stands for winning others over). Every day I have the opportunity to use these strengths in various combinations to create excellence in my work and life.
I like to imagine five sauce pans on a stovetop (one for each of my strengths). I create just the right mixture every day to generate positive results. Depending on the situation, I may choose to turn down the heat on one strength and move it to the back burner to let it simmer, while dialing up the heat on another strength and move it to the front burner. I choose how much of each strength I am using in any given situation.
When my strengths mixture serves me well my Empathy creates intuitive emotional connections with others; my Strategic thinking helps me problem solve challenges with them; my Positivity brings enthusiasm and energy to our conversations; my Developer sees their full potential and ways to help them grow into more of who they want to be; and my Woo will go to great lengths to make connections with them. When all five of my strengths are operating optimally I could work for hours and still feel energized, motivated, and deeply fulfilled. Time flies when I’m functioning at my best.
My strengths don’t always serve me well, however. In my opinion, each strength has a light and a dark side. When my strengths are operating on the light side they are like a well-oiled machine, firing on all cylinders, and bringing about the successes I desire. When the dark sides of my strengths appear, problems can arise; I usually feel overwhelmed or I see that I am overwhelming others. In those moments, my strengths are simply too much.
What exactly is the dark side of a strength? The answer to this varies dependent upon the individual and the particular strength. I define the dark side as moments when a strength isn’t producing the desired outcome; when the strength becomes unmanageable for you or for the person with whom you are interacting.
For example, here is what I’ve learned about the dark sides of my five strengths. I drift into the shadowy side of Empathy when I get lost in other people’s feelings. I feel confused about the best boundaries between my own emotions and those of someone else.
I experience the dark side of my Strategic thinking when I get ahead of others. At times, I see what’s possible before others do and can be impatient while waiting for them to accept my ideas.
Can there be a dark side to Positivity? Yes, there can. I have learned that if I don’t acknowledge the negative feelings and experiences of others, Positivity can seem false or forced. I need to balance it with genuine understanding of life challenges.
Developer, too, doesn’t appear to have a dark side at first but I have found that it does over time. This strength is having the ability to see the potential in others and to help them grow. I use it when I teach and when I coach clients. The dark side of it occurs when I try to develop someone who isn’t interested or ready to grow and change. That can lead to frustration and pain on both sides.
And what could be the dark side of WOO (winning others over)? For me, it has to do with people pleasing. I need to ask myself what am I willing to do to win someone over? Will I compromise too much – give too much away – in my effort to develop, empathize and woo them? Will I try to please them so much that I lose myself?
This gives you a glimpse into my understanding of the light and dark sides of my five strengths. If you were to ask someone else with these particular strengths about the benefits and challenges of them they might provide different explanations because we are each unique. Our self-awareness is made up of many components in addition to our strengths, including such things as our birth order, family of origin, education, values, life experiences and more.
One of the keys to being your best, though, is to know yourself well and manage your strengths effectively. Life is a wonderful laboratory where we get to experiment every day with new combinations of our strengths. With trial and error, we learn what combinations may work best with certain people or in certain situations. One solution does not fit all. New strengths mixtures will be needed every day. Get creative and see what strengths you can mix today to benefit your colleagues, family and friends. This is a lifelong journey where you can continually manage and refine your abilities to create the success you desire.
You may ask, does all this talk of strengths mean that I have to always be strong?
No, it does not. Being self-aware about your strengths means that you have the opportunity to manage them. You can enjoy validation when interactions are going well and subsequently you have options to work with when things aren’t going well. As mentioned above, one option is to catch yourself as you start to drift into the shadows of your strengths and initiate a course correction.
Knowing the areas of your lesser talents (which many call weaknesses) is important too. It allows you to find complementary partners – people who excel in those areas where you do not – to work and live alongside you. You don’t have to excel at everything. It’s enough to develop your natural talents to excellence and then collaborate with people who also strive to be their best to create complementary and winning partnerships. We are designed to live and work together; not to be alone.
My favorite book says that when we are weak we are strong. When I face my own weaknesses I become motivated to seek assistance from others who have the strength I need. Sometimes that is a person in my personal or professional circles; other times it is a complete stranger; and at other times it’s my faith in God that provides the strength I need. It is freeing to realize that I have a network of support around me. I am an imperfect work-in-progress, trying to be my best on a daily basis, sometimes succeeding and sometimes falling short, but always learning and growing into more of who I am uniquely designed to be. And that’s enough.
Today’s Author: Carol deLaski, executive coach, author, and founder of Wholistic Woman Retreats. If you would like to learn more about learning and managing your strengths, please email her at [email protected] to schedule a free consultation.