by Carol deLaski | Jun 13, 2012 | Carol deLaski
We are preparing another fabulous women’s retreat for you at the ‘Lodges at Gettysburg’, 685 Camp Gettysburg Rd, Gettysburg, PA, 17325 . View this short video clip to see this beautiful space we’ve chosen just for you. Plan to join us to keep yourself fueled and aflame.
This year’s retreat will be rejuvenating and enriching for any woman who needs to take a break. If you’re like me, I can get so busy taking care of others, at work and at home, that I sometimes neglect to take care of myself. If I don’t slow down and refuel, I’ll run out of gas, just like my car.
If you can relate, know that you’re not alone. We all need reminders (and sometimes permission) to focus on ourselves. Here is your chance to slip away for some “me” time this fall.
Wholistic Woman Retreats mission is to provide a variety of retreat options for busy women to refocus, rest, and grow their whole self: body, heart, mind, and spirit Through mini-evening retreats, tele-retreats, one-on-one retreats, and our premier overnight retreat we provide enriching opportunities for personal and professional growth in an atmosphere that is relaxing, fun, and supportive.
We know how important it is to take care of you. We also know how difficult it can be to make your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health a priority when there are so many other demands for your time and attention. Our mission is to create a welcoming, safe, space where each woman can show up just as she is and grow in exactly the right ways for her. Our coaches meet you where you are and move forward with you to create the vision, action plan, and accountability you need to make your vision a reality.
At the fall retreat we will provide a variety of opportunities for you to choose from…
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The luxury cabins of The Lodges at Gettysburg are perfect to share so consider inviting one or more friends to join you for this enriching experience. If solitude is what you need, we offer private rooms to pamper yourself with peace and quiet.
Register now to enter your name in a special drawing for incredible gifts at the retreat. Payment options are available or consider becoming a member of the Wholistic Woman Community and receive discounts on our events, including $25 off the retreat.
Isn’t it time you made yourself a priority? Join us for this fun, enriching and supportive time away. You’ll be glad you did!
by Carol deLaski | May 18, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Self-Care
The alarm went off this morning when I was in the middle of a vivid dream. Has that ever happened to you? Reaching out an arm to switch it off, I curled under the covers again and tried to keep it going. I wasn’t finished with it yet. I tried to resume what was happening when I was so rudely interrupted but it was hard to capture the exact images or feelings again. I was trying to force it and was unsuccessful. Instead I replayed the pleasant parts in my mind, filling my tank with the good feelings and releasing the unpleasant ones before arising and starting my day.
I find my waking dreams have a similar quality of elusiveness. As I create the work and life that I dream of, at times I fall into patterns of grasping for something just out of reach. I strive to make something happen and I can’t quite do it. I then feel overwhelmed and unsure of the next step, falling back into confusion once more.
In contrast, at other times I have moments of clarity when I know exactly what to do next in my unfolding vision for my personal or professional life. I can see what direction I want my business or life to go and I respond to that certainty by confidently taking the next step towards creating that reality.
Can you relate? Do you ever flounder or lose your way in creating the dream you have for your life or work? Do you dance forward, backwards, and sometimes in place, as you create your dreams? I have observed a few things about the dream dance; this ebb and flow of clarity and confusion. I find it helpful to use the Energy Leadership process to rebalance myself when I flounder or get stuck.
When I am lost in confusion I react in two ways. First I sink into my fear which is often tied to a perceived loss. For example, even in the midst of things going well I sometimes focus on what is missing. I zero in on the aspects of the situation that are not as I had imagined it would be and feel sadness, regret, and disappointment. I sink into level 1, victim thinking, as we call it in Energy Leadership, and am swallowed up in “poor me” emotions. In this place I have no energy and don’t want to do anything. I can get stuck here.
The next thing I do, however, moves me to level 2 energy, which we call ‘the fighter’. I struggle. This often begins as inner conflict when I strive mentally to figure it out and create an action plan whose purpose is solely to alleviate the heaviness I am feeling in that depressed level 1 state. Life often is not what I thought it would be, and I experience disappointment, but I can choose not to dwell on it. In level 2 I begin to leave that energy behind perhaps by shedding some tears, journaling, or venting out loud. Whatever way I do it I am releasing my level 1 energy to move forward and eventually that feels better.
I move into level 3 energy as I take responsibility for my part of the situation. Often this occurs by taking a small step towards forgiving what, or who, has disappointed me. Choosing to be grateful for what is going well helps me to accept what is not as I had hoped it would be.
I also notice that there is a Divine presence in all my dreams, whether waking or sleeping. When I turn my focus to what the Divine is providing, and guiding, I find a peace and assuredness unlike anything that I can create in my own mind. This is the ticket to moving well past the low levels of energy and towards higher functioning and greater happiness. As soon as I make the choice in my mind to focus on the Divine my energy shifts and I am dancing with a plan that is unfolding daily. As I release the need to know what is going to happen next, and trust that I am being led, I receive peace. This is not an easy dance but I continue to hone my skills at it.
Releasing the need to figure it out, and accepting that my role is simply to be in the dance with the Divine, I develop trust. I know that God leads me every day. I don’t have to see the whole picture or know the entire plan. I just have to show up and do today’s steps which I am being divinely led to do. On the days when I feel lost, confused, and disappointed, I may take only one step and that is okay. On the days I feel confidence and clarity I dance full out. The ebb and flow of these days makes for an interesting life as I choose to participate in this dance of creating my dream.
If you would like to learn more about the Energy Leadership process and how to use it to shift from confusion to confidence considerjoining my book tele-group on Wednesday evenings or contact me at 301-371-7460 or [email protected].
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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by Carol deLaski | Apr 10, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Confidence, Fear
I leave next Monday for two weeks in Israel. I have been planning this trip for almost a year and it seems somewhat surreal that it is finally here. I practice being both an observer and a participant in my life so amidst the busyness of finishing work and packing for the trip, I notice how I am feeling. It is a mixture of anticipation, hope, excitement, and to be honest, a bit of fear.
I ask myself what I am afraid of and find the answer lies in the unknown. I realize that when I travel I choose to open myself to new experiences and intentionally invite the unknown into my life. I prepare as best I can, studying maps, talking to those who have been there, and reading about my destination, but I can only absorb so much. I can’t fully prepare for the experience because there is always an element that is new and unexpected, and that is both unnerving and part of the thrill of traveling.
Most of my fear is actually awe. I know that when I seek God, I find Him. That is proven to me on a daily basis as I look for ‘God moments’; those experiences of grace and connection which assure me of a Divine presence guiding my life. Traveling to the Holy Land, and visiting ancient religious sites, I anticipate that I will know and experience God even more fully. After all, this is my ‘Big Seek’, something I have waited a lifetime to do. I anticipate that awe and wonder will be my traveling companions on this pilgrimage trip. I look forward to knowing God better, growing my knowledge and personal faith.
A more troubling aspect of my fear has to do with the unknown and the uncontrollable. As I get caught up in “what if” thinking I realize that I am fretting over things which I have no control over. Worries ranging from logistical ‘what if my luggage gets lost’ to political ‘what if the trouble in Syria affects us’ leave me anxious and off balance.
I have decided that fear is unavoidable; there is so much we cannot control. In the book, ‘What Women Fear – Walking in Faith that Transforms’, author Angie Smith describes living with fear as a balancing act. Letting go of the expectation of finding a solution to end fear, as well as the hope that we will never tremble again, we embrace the ebb and flow of that balancing act. She asks us to consider what we depend on when our balance begins to tip. Are there patterns in our thinking that throw us off balance and what is the kind of thinking that steadies us? Moving towards greater balance requires concentration, effort, and awareness on our part.
Becoming more aware of our fears can be fearful itself. Like me, if you think, “I’m afraid to know my fears better” be reassured that you are not alone. You can have companions on your journey to learning what restores balance when fear sends you tipping sideways. Together we will emerge as women who not only acknowledge fear but face it with inner resolve and resources. Balancing what we can do with trusting a Divine presence in the midst of fear steadies us and reduces those fears to a more manageable size.
I warmly invite you to explore this topic further with me in two ways.
My next Clarity Coaching Group will be reading and applying principles from Smith’s book “What Women Fear – Walking in Faith that Transforms” starting Thursday, April 12th from 7-8:30 pm. Join us for this 3 month series (meeting bi-monthly) to learn skills to balance your fears by leaning on an inner Divine connection. Click here for more details on this workshop or email [email protected].
And/or stay connected to me on my journey through Israel via my notes on Facebook to see what joys and insights this adventure will bring. Click Here To Follow My Journey.
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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by Carol deLaski | Mar 21, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Family
Who are the people who have had the most positive impact on your life? If you’re like me you may not consider this question very often. Taking people for granted and forgetting to appreciate all that’s been given and modeled for us is common in our busy lives.
I recently had the opportunity to treasure the final days of my beloved Uncle Don. His struggling health began a final decline after he turned 80 last month and he entered into four weeks of hospice care. Fortunately our large extended family, and a few close friends, enjoyed a poignantly sweet birthday party with him in late January. Each of us had the opportunity to tell him what he meant to us, laugh with him, and treasure our lifelong loving relationships with him.
Now we’ve just completed a different celebration of his life as we embrace the transition he’s made to the next world. Even though I don’t know what that is exactly, I trust he’s well there. Released from a withered body, I believe his spirit lives on. I feel the love and essence of him in my heart and know that he’s only gone in the physical sense. In the days leading to his memorial service I reflected on his character and what he meant to me. I realized he is one of the people who have had a great impact on my life.
As I gazed at the hundreds of people who attended his memorial service I realized how many others were impacted by him as well. We shared many stories and memories reflecting on the achievements and legacy of Donald de Laski. One of my favorite reflections, by Alan Merten, president of George Mason University, summarized four distinct steps that he saw my uncle live by:
Think. Use your mind to consider what impact you want to have and create a solid plan.
Ask and Listen. Talk to people and listen deeply, using your heart and soul to discern the need. Then ask God (or your Angels, as my uncle would say) for guidance; listen and trust their nudges and your inner knowing.
Do. When clarity comes trust that knowing and act. Use your physical and material resources to be of service to others and create impact. Give generously of your resources to benefit those in need.
Celebrate. When all is said and done, be sure to treasure the impact and celebrate the achievement. Life is meant to be enjoyed. If you aren’t going to do the fourth, don’t bother with the other three!
Merten paraphrased a favorite quote by E.B. White to summarize my uncle’s living.
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to have a hell of a good time. This makes it hard to plan the day.
I believe the challenge is to achieve both. Having a positive impact on others and passionately enjoying the process is something I strive to achieve. I thank Uncle Don for the role model he’s been and feel inspired to follow in his footsteps. I take the challenge.
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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by Carol deLaski | Feb 15, 2012 | Carol deLaski, Confidence
“Like attracts like” according to the Law of Attraction; in essence, we create our own reality. By intentionally focusing our thoughts, emotions, and actions on what we want in our lives we will draw it to us. If we are not intentional, however, we can unconsciously attract circumstances and repeat patterns that are not beneficial to us. To use this “law” effectively we need to be aware of what we’re “putting out there”.
Are you attracting what you want into your life? What is comfortable and familiar is not always what we truly want and need. Change, by its very nature, is often uncomfortable and unfamiliar. It’s only through recognizing the discomfort, and consistently sticking with the new behavior or thought pattern, that we create lasting change.
Altering our behaviors only touches the surface. If we want to address the roots of our behavior patterns we need to understand our underlying thoughts. Your self-perception, and your concept of the world around you, is based on your energetic level. This level determines what you attract and what is reflected back to you. Most importantly it determines how effective you are as a leader of your life.
Attitudes (aka energy) are contagious. Most of us have had experiences where we’ve been affected by other people’s energy; either positively or negatively. Sayings such as “one bad apple can spoil the whole lot” speak to the affect one disgruntled and unhappy person can have on an entire group. Likewise, one person exuding enthusiasm and concern can have a positive impact on those with whom she comes into contact. The outer ripple effects of our energy are relatively easy to see. We know when we are being lifted, or drained, by circumstances and people in our lives.
A more challenging area of energy to assess is our internal terrain. How aware are you of the ‘mental chatter’ or tapes that play in your mind on any given day? It’s common knowledge that our thoughts have a powerful impact on what we feel, which then in turn, affects what we do. Our actions are a direct result of the thoughts and feelings we’re experiencing. A simple example, is when we think “I can’t”, we feel powerless and apathetic, which results in lethargy; or no action. By contrast, if we think thoughts of responsibility such as “What’s my part?” we forgive others their part, leading to cooperation and forward movement.
Knowing this, we can then look to our thinking when we are feeling stuck or unable to create the change we want in our lives.
The 7 levels of energy presented on the Energetic Self Perception Chart of Energy Leadership provide a framework in which we can evaluate and understand the impact our thoughts are having on our emotions and actions. With awareness we can then choose to expand the thoughts that are producing the energy we desire. By recognizing and accepting our catabolic, or negative thoughts, we release them and move onto the anabolic, positive thoughts that produce higher levels of energy.
How conscious, or self aware, are you? Your level of consciousness is determined by how you see yourself, the world around you, the people in your life, and life in general. Your consciousness produces energy which will attract the people, events, and outcomes into your personal and professional life. The higher your level of consciousness, the more energy you will have, and the more productive, peaceful and healthy you will be.
To learn more about the 7 Levels of Energy and how to apply the Energy Leadership process join Carol Hayes for a 6 week tele-course starting Wednesday February 15th from 7-8:15 pm. Click here for more details.
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by Carol deLaski | Jan 12, 2012 | Carol deLaski
In January many of us turn attention towards what we resolve to start doing to be healthier, happier, and more balanced in our life and work. This year, as you consider the new beginnings that 2012 offers I’d like to ask what will you end. Many of us cringe at the idea of endings. We resist the changes that endings bring, often fearing the disappointment and sense of loss that can be associated with them. Yet endings are necessary if we want to start new activities or even new behaviors. We have a limited amount of time each day so choosing a new activity often means we have to let go of another. Saying “yes” to something new often means saying “no” to something else. There are two sides to the coin of change. One side is what we will start and the other side is what we will stop.
So as you consider where you want to be in six months or a year, and how you will get there, consider what you need to let go. We know that we’ll be different one year from now. None of us gets to stay the same. We get a choice in how we will have changed, though, whether it’s for the better or not.
Instead of resisting endings, what would it be like to normalize and embrace them? What would it feel like to be proactive and intentional about ending certain activities, thoughts, or behaviors that aren’t producing what we want in our lives?
Nature provides many examples of endings. We witness the life cycle of trees and plants as seasons change and realize our life cycle has seasons as well. Pruning is an activity that creates proactive endings. In the book, Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud shares three examples of pruning that can also be applied to business and life changes.
One is the pruning of healthy buds and branches. A healthy plant will often produce more buds than it can bring to full bloom. In order for the bush to thrive, and produce outstanding blossoms, some of the healthy buds must be cut. Choices have to be made between what is good and what is best. When the good buds are let go, it frees those resources to go to the best buds allowing them to achieve magnificence.
A second way that gardeners prune is to remove sick branches. When all efforts to heal and revive a sick part of the plant don’t restore it to health, there comes a time to accept that recovery is not occurring. When we remove the sick branches we allow more fuel to pour into the healthy buds.
The third way gardeners prune is to remove branches that are dead and taking up space. Removing them allows healthy branches unobstructed room to grow to their full potential.
Pruning a rose bush is certainly less painful than pruning your business or life! Too often we avoid pruning activities, behaviors, thought patterns, or relationships in our lives because it evokes fear, pain and conflict. Yet in order to succeed, we must prune. So as you consider what you will begin this year to bring your life to full blossom, also consider what you will prune. Trust that you will know what, and when, to prune certain thoughts and behavior patterns from your life to make room for those that will bring your life where you want it to be one year from today.
Consider joining Carol’s winter coaching group on the book Necessary Endings to receive support and create the change that you want in your life. Carol’s winter program will discuss the insights presented by Dr. Henry Cloud and actively apply them to situations in our own lives that require “letting go”. Groups will meet each month for a 90-minute coaching session followed a week later by a 60-minute conference call. For those who desire the added advantage of one-on-one coaching, you and I will schedule a separate 50-minute session. You should plan on a three-month commitment to CCG+ but are welcome to continue as long as you feel the benefits in your life. Call Carol directly for more information.
Today’s author: Carol Hayes, [email protected] or 301-371-7460. Through her company, Clear Choices Coaching, Carol shares her expertise and skill fostering growth in people of all ages. She is especially energized when her coaching helps people experience “breakthrough” moments where they push through their personal edge and grow more fully into the people they want to be. Carol’s certification as a Life and Energy Leadership coach comes from The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC), which is accredited by the International Coaching Federation. She is also a dynamic speaker and workshop leader who facilitates energizing connections with groups of all sizes.
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